MAMA SAY KNOCK YOU OUT!
The Lady Miss Ursula Rucker, first woman of spoken word poetry and sacred temple priestess of WoW, emailed me that i was on her guest list at the Akademie der künste in the Tiergarten, so of course i rode my lady bicycleta as fast as my tiny leggs could peddle them. Ms. Rucker who hails from Philly PA is a protege of the great poet Sonia Sanchez, and that shows in every fiber of her major ms. gorgeous being. This woman is complete confidence and poise stalking the stage, possessing it and the audience with the full power that is the unbridled black female vuvunga. And what a face, radiant and defiant, a conquering heroine wo-man soldier fierce warrior goddess fighting for her people. The Literature werkstatt and poesie festival, Berlin were fortunate to have such a presence in their midst. I have to go out and buy her latest album Ma´at MaMa.

ASTHETIK DER INSTALLATION
The Ms. Davis summer reading recommendation is The Cairo Trilogy by Nobel Prize winner Naguib Mahfouz. Won't tell you any more about, just rush out and buy it! Had a lovely breakfast meeting with super hot tranny Wu from Los Angeles who is in Berlin starring in a remake of the Nazimova silent film Salome based on Oscar Wildes play. Directing the movie is Pauline of the Rhythm King. Wu brought me a gorgeous designer boquet of flowers and some tasty snacks, and we had a great time, a couple of juicy tranny's sitting around talking. Wu is one of the new breed of performative youngsters ruling LA, and revitalizing the stale nightlife. She puts on a weekly club at the old MacArthur Park dive The Silver Platter, which is fast becoming the talk of the town with performances by legends like Ron Athey and Nao Bustamente.
Later in the evening i met with Cheap fearless leader Susanne Sachsse, Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson and his handsome Italian beau Piero for drinks at the famous West Sector Theater tavern Diener. Holding court at the bar in true Konig style was Fassbinder legend Volker Spengler who is a regular ensemble member of playwrite and director Rene Pollesch. I can't wait to see Volker in the next Pollesch piece "Dictator's Wives" which will premiere at the Volksbuhne in September. The great Volker Spengler is a magical human being with michieveous, boyish eyes that are vibrant, magnetic and sexy. What a treasure he is. Everyone who comes to my flat singles out a fabulous photo of Volker and I, in LA from 1999 at my post screening White To Be Angry/Skin Flick party at the dive bar The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady. The night was filled with amazing celebrity in the sensuous, womanly form of Margarita Broich, another big German film and theatre star who is also the wife of famed actor Martin Wuttke who stars in the hit Deutsch TV program Tat Ort, which is a tuetonic version of the American CSI franchise. I also met the internationally known heritage band leader Max Raabe of the Palast Orchestra, and his dapper boyfriend. I have been a fan of Mr. Raabe for many years, so it was very special gettting to meet him in the fleshy flesh.

BABY THE RAIN MUST FALL
Its been pouring rain on and off in Berlin for the last three days. Riding my bike back and forth from German language class has been a little gnarly at times, but also beautiful seeing lovely boys soaking wet so that their clothing becomes transparent----yum. Learning German has been rough. My class is from 2-6pm Mon-Thur with a 30 minute break, and being the morning person that i am, trying to pay attention and retain anything is a trial. K-Johnny Blue is also in my class, and is the star pupil and teachers pet. The two instructors are middle aged gay lovers named Kay and Stefan, and they are very patient and sweet with me, though it must be difficult with such a bad student like myself.
My school is called Babylonia and is a punk rock style laid back language academy in Kreuzberg. There are a few good looking males in the class, a manlische Kurdish/Turk named Fahrad, who Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim would flip for, as he is tiny, muscular with a nice smile and bubblelicious Beyonce buttocks, and a young Australian boy named Reece who looks very intellectual and is soft spoken. There was this young, energetic, lanky Irish lad name Eric but his German was so good that he switched to the more intermediate class. Unfortunately not one man in the class looks like he has a dickus of deathos, so i doubt if i will be meeting my next contemporary temporary husband.
Last night the great Susanne Sachße had one of her stylish dinner parties at her eastside compound. To be invited to the famous oval table of Ms. Sachße is one of Berlin´s most royal treats. Enjoying the feast of Ranchipur was superstar DJ and top Euro performer Snax,who also performs in Peaches´band, infant terrible Travis Jeppeson with Slovakian lover Mario, juicy Anna Muelter, Daniel Hendrickson, Marc Siegel, Susanne´s gorgeous 13 year old twins Salome and Richard, and Richards little cute school boyfriend Jacob, who is going to turn into quite a hunkasaurus when he gets older. I had a breakfast meeting, so i left the soiree early and didnt get a chance to meet Miss Suzi´s new secret lover, the famous footballer Michael Ballack. But i did get a chance to watch with everyone the 1972 film The Baby starring noir actress Ruth Roman and Anjanette Comer. Snax had a copy of this insane film, and you can rest assured that the next production of Cheap will be Cheap Baby based on this cult film with Christophe de Rohan Chabot in the role of the adult baby, Susanne Sachße as the kinky social worker and yours truly as the overprotective mother. I´m so excited about this that we may put on hold doing Cheap Summer, our version of Tennessee Williams Suddenly Last Summer with Susanne playing once again Liz Taylor, mainstream German actor Moritz Bleaubtreau in the Monty Cliff role and Ms. Davis as Katherine Hepburn. We´ll see what happens.
The other evening i had a wonderous time with Lydia Hamann, one of my Weißensee students who also worked with me on the Arrogance of Youth project. We had dinner at a quaint little tapas bar, and dainties at Gemelli´s. Lydia is smart, sexy and uninhibited and one of my favorite Berlin girls. She really knows how to make this city come alive.

SIE WERDEN IMMER GRÖßER
Claudia Gonson, the sweet and perky female husband of Stephin Merritt emailed me that the Magnetic Fields were in Berlin performing at the Passion Church in Kreuzberg. Of course i was there in a New York second with my youthful companion, the lovesexy tuetonic actor David Kross, who just made a film where he plays the love interest of Kate Winslet. Its a nice feeling to be the object of affection from a beautiful boy. Of course nothing can come of it, as he is such a puppy.
So lovely seeing Claudia and Stephin. Claudia was in good voice, and i always enjoy the banter between her and Mr. Merritt, and seeing them in this place of worship just made the whole proceedings extra special and sublime. The Magnetic Fields summer Euro tour will probably come to your town soon, so check their website at www.Houseoftomorrow.com and also go out immediately and buy their new album Distortion that is in bright pink dayglo packaging. One of the added pleasures of this particular tour is that long time collaborator Shirley Simms is with them, and believe you me, this is quite a treat as her voice is prominent in 69 Love songs, the bands opus. In fact you should rush out and purchase all the Stephin Merritt projects which include Future Bible Heroes, The 6ths and The Gothic Archies.
The eye candy of the band is pie faced Asian beauty boy John Woo on guitar and lean& lanky Sam Davol, the on cello, who has the most gorgeous mass of pre-mature grey hair i have ever seen, this side of a young Richard Gere. Both boys have cocks i´d sure like to chugg down on, and receive a mouthful of super yummy excess semen. I don´t know the marital status of Mr. Woo, but Mr. Davol is spoken for with two small children and a petite patrician blondine wife, and he lives in Boston. How do i know all this? Well there was an article about the Davol´s in the New York Times last year that was reprinted in the Hearst International Paper,The Herald Tribune.

YOU´RE SO HAYLEY MILLS
Still suffering a bit from the flying patootis, but managed to go to the premiera of Das Doppelte Lottchen at The Parkauer. Thank god openings at childrens theatre´s are in the morning. Das Doppelte Lottchen was written by Erich Kästner, and is the original story where the 1960 Disney film The Parent Trap comes from.
Cheap´s fearless leader Susanne Sachße stars in the Maureen O´Hara role of the glam mother, and of course her stage presence shines supreme. You want to see more of her whenever she is in front of the footlights. I was howling from laughter with her Shirley Temple homage during a fantasy dream sequence. My Max und Moritz colleguen Elizabeth Heckel and Katrin Heinrich also shine, and Moritz Müller did a fantastic job with the set design, but i felt his cotumes except for Susanne´s left a little to be desired, though i liked the Oscar Levant style tails for Hagen Löwe in the Brian Keith role.
The director Milan Peschel, is a Voksbühne actor, and it shows with all the unecessary screaming action. I guess that is a characteristic of mainstream German plays that i just don´t understand. I would also cut the length by a good 45 minutes, as both kids and adults seemed more then a bit restless by sitting in very uncomfortable seats for 2 1/2 hours.

THE FLYING PATOOTIS
After having a glorious time as the MC for the Gossip show at Columbia Halle, i rode my bike home and started excrementing. I got a similar stomach virus after the Berlinale, that included not only projectile shitting but vomitting as well. Thank god, i didnt throw up this time, and the muscle spasms and cramping didn´t last for a 24 hour period leaving me racked in excruciating pain. Missed German language class yesterday, and a chance to hang out with Tara aka Annie Oaklely (the manager of the Gossip, creator of Sex Workers Art Show) , and the beautiful Ms. Beth Ditto and gang who had one day off in Berlina.
There is no band out there who is doing what the Gossip are doing. Ms. Ditto is a presence to reckon with, powerful and sublime and sexy as all get go. The sold out crowd was enthusiastic and giving the goddess the proper worship she deserves. And there arent enough superlatives to describe Beth Ditto. She shows all the other so called singers how it is supposed to be done, as she drips with southern charm, a smoldering kitten with a whip. Alice Bag, of the legendary punk rock band The Bags and my colleguen in Cholita, the female Menudo was the first person to turn me on to Beth Ditto and the Gossip. Alice never praises other singers, but with Ms. Ditto she was raving!
When i was writing for the LA Weekly i tried to get my editor to let me interview her, but he passed on it----which i am sure he regrets now.
It was so great catching up with Ms. Tara who also produced Homo-A-GoGo, which was the last time i was on the same bill with the Gossip. I also loved hanging with their seasoned road crew, and the caterers cooked a meal that was downright yummy, or as they say in Deutsch "lecher". hope i spelled that right. The opening band of teenagers Pencil Dick, i mean Pencil Toes from London England were cute and juicy putting in a fast paced and wirey enthusiastic set. Its 90 degrees today in Berlin, and i am still feeling a bit sick, so this report will end now.

FAMISHED FOR THE LIGHT ONES
Had a glorious dinner date with adorable and cute Christian F, who was this year´s Berlinale intern and also was one of my talented assistants with the Clubszene project. Christian is 27 years old, but looks 16 and has a gay twin brother. He is originally from Bavaria and has only been living in Berlin for a year working on a Phd on the films of Gus Van Sant.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant around the corner from my punque rock language school Babylonia.
Later we went down the block to have dainties at this charming cafe called Gemelli´s where we ran into Joana, one of my Weißensee students and drag king artiste Antonia Beard. Christian lives on Soauer Str in a lovely little flat that overlooks an enchanted garden.
2nite after class i have to rush to Columbia Halle where i will be the MC for the Gossip show starring the incredible Beth Dito. Her manager is Annie Oakley of the Sex Workers Tour fame. I haven´t seen Ms. Oakley since i performed at the Homo-A-GoGo that she organized in 2006. Should be a fun evening.

VANITY FAITH PAVILIONS
Filmed little Marc Art Garfunkle´s project on Saturday. I play Morpheus with Christophe de Rohan Chabot as my beautiful dreamy, innocent dance partner, where i get to Martha my very own Graham crackers in a terpischorean battle beyond death. A talented French man named Fred, who needs to cut those dreadlocks he wears off, played the most sublime music live, and the set and make-up design was by personable Greek passive Nicolas Zavaliaris, who just moved to Berlin from swinging London town.
Later i met up with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, and we went to the so-called alternative Christopher Street Gay in Kreuzberg on OranianbergerStr. What a dull affair. Was going to meet up again with writer Travis Jeppeson and his boy pussy posse, but i was exhausted from filming earlier, and Friday i got to catch up with young Mr. Jeppeson, who at 16 is one of the most talented and prolific children on the planet with writings in all forms that include novels, poetry, journals and journalism, plus he has a giant white penis that is much coveted by men on three continents. His list of older male admirers is endless.
Sunday i decided i had to treat myself to a massage, the triple assault of the Klubszene Project, Filming an Independent movie, and Deutsch Language class has caused a stiffness in my joints that needed a professionals soothing, healing touch. I recruited young Marc Arthur as my companion, and we ventured to the Treibhause Sauna & Spa for relaxation treatments. Poor Marc was pounced on immediately upon entering, with every chicken hawk in the place developing octopussy hands the minute his 22 year old self hit the marble floor. I found it hilarious when a nutty couple were desperately trying to fashion a hot sex scene by acting out shamelessly, fornicating in an open space. The skinny pretend top kept thumping into his lover with gutteral moans and jackhammer plowing. Too bad when he´d pull out his penis it was hardly colossal measuring clit length skinny and under 3 puny inches. What he was hoping for was that he´d excite some passing manheimer who would climb on board and turn him into lucky Pierre, but the crowde at this sex palace are seasoned sluts, who are aware of all the queeny tricks a hungry sloppy bottom may pull in their search for the prized cruel club.
I was really hating a barrel chested couple who were in extreme search and destroy mode for a hot buttered fourgy, later in the evening they actually got their gnut with two dickticusses. Even in a gay sauna the football madness reared its three headed gydra. Germany lost to Spain, but it didnt stop the fans from whooping it up until the wee hours. I am happy that the Euro cup is over, and things can return to some sense of whoremalcy.

THE PARK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Hunky lovesexy Russian artist Slava Mogutin sent me a copy of his latest photography tome New York GoGo, his sophemore effort after the tremendously successful Lost Boys. That Slava can do no wrong, and these photo essays are majestic in their capturing of detailic moments in the prostitutic melanoma of Manhattan boygesse. Bruce Benderson´s forward sets the tone in giving some background on Mr. Mogutin, and his importance on the cultural zeitgeist. One particular series in the book features a Nubian Peter Berlin, stockinged phallus flops from painted on daisy dukes, but its the entire composition that ignites, not just the subject´s splendor but even the floor in which he stands, this is where Slava shines as a Nadarlike portraiturist. A few pages before i gasped at the Rican minx wearing a prince of the homosexuals crown--- part diadem, part thorns, and all equal to Ruskian granada.

ZICKIG
Was listening to NPR/Berlin´s Talk of the Nation, and you´ll never guess who was on the program? O i´ll just tell you. Evan Wright was on the show plugging the new HBO mini-series Generation Kill, that is based on his book of the same name. Evan is quite a hustler and grifter, and i guess he has grifted the big time now, as he has handled the adaptation duties of his book to the small pay TV screen. The material for this all started as a series of articles for Rolling Stone Magazine. Let me explain my connection to Evan Wright. Evan use to be married to Crepe Suzette aka: Susan Mathelson a big Hollywood costume designer for feature films, who has also performed with me in several of my Euro traveling pieces. Besides designing some fabulous gowns for this giant doll, Susan also use to work for Mattel designing for the ultimate toy, namely Barbie.
One thing i bet won´t make it to television is Evan´s homosexual experiences with the Marines he spent time with in Iraq. Not only did he participate in some juicy whorgies with the young cute boys, but several times they pulled a train on him. Evan is quite a horndog, and although he prefers women, he is no stranger to ribald mansex.

THE MAD MISS MANTON
The Festival Der Jugendclubs an Berliner Bühnen is now over, and the piece i created with Tim Blue of Cheap called The Arrogance of Youth was a sterling success. I was very proud of my beautiful youth groups who focused all their energies in creating a sublime work that had a lot of Fluxus style and appeal. Imagine my surprise early Sunday morning when i get a phone call from Sean Carrillo the husband of Bibbe Hansen, the youngest of the Warhol superstars, mother of pop star Beck. and daughter of famed Fluxus artist Al Hansen, that they are in Berlin and are coming to my event. Bibbe said the piece was "dangerous", and there could be no better compliment then that. Also in the audience was Amelie Mallman, one of the Parkauer dramaturgy´s, Senol Senturk and Angie Baby who worked on Cheap Blacky, film historian Marc Siegel with ladylove Susanne Sachße, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, artist Monika Kramp, therapist to the Berlin stars Sabina Bauer and actor Jurgen Vogel, who is extremely handsome but has really bad teeth.
I want to thank all the wonderful assistants on the project starting with Lydia Hamann, Christian F., Kjohnny Blue, and Michel Le Grande. The HAU production staff of Mayka Hamsen, Maria Kusche, Leonie Kusterer, Khaled Sulima, Kahina Toutaqui and Pia Engel and the Stage Staff who made the piece shine like a perfect jewel: Jorg Fischer, Piotr Rybkowski, Veit Gries and his amazing lighting with assist by Ingo Ruggenthaler and sound by Matthias Kirschke.
Oh and lets not forget the future superstars of tomorrow, from the Deutsches Theater: Alexander Bahr, Maik Holfert, Lisa Hrdina, Marie Jordan, Nele Suhler, Paula Thielecke, Gaia Vogel, Antoine Brison, who is already a working actor on a German soap, Klemons Hegen, Marie Therese Fischer, Laura Pfisterer.
From the Schaubühne: Amadeus Fechner, Grete Gehrke, sweet gentle giant Simon Karmoll, Jennifer Lambrecht, hilarious Fabian Linß, hunky and super manlische David Pakzad, Astrid Pendarvis, and Janine Quaegwer
From Grips Theatre: Bastian Benrath, Daniel Goebel, Roxana Karow, Chris Lee Curtis Abiola, Vanessa Einbrodt, Josephine Krause, Miriam Ritter and Johanna Wolff
From Theater Strahl: Cheyenne Schlüter, Jolene Leitlauf, Katherina Heisig, Kelly Schlüter, Luisa Seikel, Mara Niese, Marie Hamayel-Peters, MIchelle Biallowons, Sophia Wohlfahrt, Thea von Wedel, Viviann Wilmot
From Parkaue: Marius Ahrendt, Julia Goldhahn, Karola Hakel, Moira Joachim, Sophie Kalweit, Paul Krüger, Alexandra Kunde, Sophia Lebedewa, Deborah Levy, Sophie Mangelsen, Johanna Pahl, Linn Reusse, Nathalie Schwichtenberg
From Veganten Bühne: Angela Bittel, Anja Fahlenkamp, Alex Finger, Katherina Finger, Torsten Flassig, Lea Lochau, Tim Mehlis, Lara Mercier, Vangeli Sargantzoglou, Paula Tebbens
Theatre im Palais and Fight Club from HAU the first group that Tim and i met who we bonded with. Fight Club closed the festival on Saturday with a gorgeous performative presentation and i want to send special kisses to Sercan Aydilek, Clea Funke, Domi Grillenberger, Ella Schmidt, mina Stöhr, Ayse Gül Var, Elvin Aliev, Antonio Ciervo, Jenny Pantzke, Pia Epping, Rosalie Phoniam
I would like to take a long vacation to recover from the project, but i can´t because i am taking German language classes every day for the next six weeks. Yesterday was the first day, and it is so hard. The classes are from 2pm-5:30 and since i am a morning person, its very difficult to stay alert in the late afternoon. Kjohnny Blue is also in my class, which is nice, and all the people seem very sweet.

FEDERLINE MOMENTA
Met with cute little red scarf boy Michel, who is going to assist Tim Blue and i for the Klubszene project at Hebbel on Saturday and Sunday. Later i met with Tara, who use to do my make-up whenever i performed in Chicago. We haven´t seen each other in a coon´s age, so it was nice to catch up with her and meet her silver Fox beau who is a successful real estate tycoon. We had drinks and snacks in the bar of the Ritz Carleton Hotel in Potsdamer Platz--- very snazzy. When i was leaving i ran into Hollywood film star and on the downlow homo, Will Smith who is in Berlin for the opening of some horrible new movie of his. I wonder if he brought his lesbiana wife Jada Pinkett? Probably not as he probably will turn his suite into a bordello filled with luscious young bubble butt Tuetonic blondine boys. Hurray for him!
On the S-Bahn it was hard to escape from the football hysterics raging through the city. Ran into the Ramani Twins from Super Seven Hundred, their Albanian father and the handsome German/American beau of one of the girls. They recommended i check out a Deutch singer named Ton Steine Scherben.
The next morning i met with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his boyfriend Piero. Daniel helped me choose a Deutch language school, and later i signed up for my courses which i am excited about. I´ve been coming to Germany for a quarter of a century, and have never learned the language, even though i have a German father who is of the nobility class. Perhaps by the time the Arsenal Experimental/Forum Expanded Sunscreens Festival of experimental film and video hits Berlin i will be sprouting out witty bon mits in perferct Hanover style Deutsch.

BESSER ESSEN SCHÖNER LEBEN
Tim Blue and i had a long day filled with excitement as we hit the pavement literally walking all over Berlin to see some more youth groups in their natural habitats. At the Schaubühne Theatre we met with gorgeous and spirited Uta and her group Die Zwiefachen who were in the middle of intense rehearsals for their piece Weg, that will travel to Liverpool England soon. What they are developing is personal stories of healing and redemption, where graceful and powerful physical movement and sound work as an interlinker for utopian possibilities. Beauty, Beauty, Beauty is all i can say as i was swept up in all the exhuberance and lovesexy emoting. As we were leaving and walking down the K-Damn a lightening and thunderstorm gave us a nice baptismal cleansing, which felt prophetic.
We walked through the Tiergarten to Mitte and stopped at a lovely Argentine Cafe for much needed nourishment. At the Deutschestheater we saw the Junges DT production of Gepäack Ohne Aufsicht which knocked us out with its sensory overload and zest. Their highly original and stylized take on all forms of terrorism and plunder was fast paced and ambitious, with dazzling imagery and evocative moods that would put adult thespians to shame. My favorite scenes involved a pitch tent of girls, that morph into the witches of MacBeth so effortlessly to chilling result, and a short vignette where one boy is told to repeat his action but make it more sexy, which he does in a coo-ing sex kitten and titty show histrionic that was very more is more.
Its really exhilerating to find young people who are committing themselves to daring forms of expression and are willing to take the risk to escape the clutches of middleclassicism. Perhaps there is hope for the future, and Tim Blue and i are sure looking forward to working with such a diverse group of talented Berliners.

SWIRLING CONTANNA
Tan Bihn Nyguyen the amazing Vietnemese make-up artist for Cheap Blacky was actually surprised at his surprise birthday shindig the other evening in Neu Köln. Leaving the soiree i had to look at fugly football crusties on the S-Bahn. Sure will be glad when all this Euro-cup hoopla is over with. All the nationalism surrounding the love of soccer is more then a little scary in fascist prone Europa with all the zealots walking around wearing flags and what not.
Friday i attended Nicholas Weist´s art show The Dulcet Clime of the Bedchamber at Goff Rosenthal Gallery in Mitte. My companion was the delightful Marc Arthur, who i absolutely adore hanging out with. Its so nice being around smart young people, who also have large penises and tight bodies. Lots of luminaries like experimental film legendina Birgit Hein were in attendance as well as Otto stars Susanne Sachße and Christophe Chemin, artist Christian Siekmeier, my blondine Weißensee student Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Arsenal intern Christian F., Marcu Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson and of course a host of art fags. Why is it that these Berlin faggots all seem like the only sex they have is rubbing their butts together hoping that the friction will cause some sort of spontaneous orgasmic combustion.
I usually never attend these kind of events, but this show was so well curated by Mr. Weist, and featured such a delicious roster of international artists like Nayland Blake, that i couldnt resist. I really like the Basso Menstruel Tree in the courtyard, and William E. Jones´mash-up of blue movies from the late 60´s to mid 80s---William Higgens forever! I don´t remember the name of the artist who created the sculpture of pink books and magazines, but that really sleighed me as well.
As part of the Klubszene project that Tim Blue and i are working on we saw a production by the youth theatre group Banda Agita at the Grips Theatre that is adjacent to the Schiller Teatre in the old west sector. The piece was called Letzter Aufruf Paradise, and was set in a cyber future filled with scavengers desperate for everything. Basically it was a preview of the future of planet earth. It was wonderful to be surrounded by such youthful energy and sexy abandon on stage. I really felt like i was watching some future stars about to explode. I especially loved a ginger headed boy who reminded me of Fassbinder, a statuesque girl with a lip ring who played the personification of pure evil, and a dred locked mulatto boy who was both masculine and feminine at the same time. One of the boys in the piece, a spectacularly gorgeous Turkish boy had been a member of the company last year, and begged to be in the piece doing a cameo. I can´t wait to work with all them next week when we mount our performance piece "The Arrogance of Youth" which will feature 150 kids from these groups from all over Berlin. It should be the ultimate solstice hoot.

FOOTBALL OVERBITE
Berlin is in the midst of mass hysteria. I didnt exactly know what was going on until i ran into Daniel Hendrickson´s boyfriend Piero on the street, who told me that there is some soccer championship game that Germany won against Poland which mitigated some old WW II scars and testosty fueled homo panic set in.
The sight of the clamoring whordes filling restaurants and cafes parked in front of flat screen TV´s is just too sick to be believed.
I hate sports, but i wouldn´t mind bagging me a football player or two.
***
Met lovely Nick Weist, the visiting young New York artist who is curating a show that opens this Friday at the Goff´s Rosenthal Gallery. We hung out at Silver Future dwinking and stinking with his sexy French pal Guillaume, who is also good friends with Bob Nickas who was in Berlin in January. The Future was jam packed with Drag Kings and Queens. The weekend was part of a major drag festival. Who knew?
Some fans who saw my shows at Peres Projects and at the West Germany Club came up to me to introduce themselves, and Kjohnny Blue, who lives around the corner also popped in for a brewski. The next evening was Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal. Seen watching Mabel Normand, the great Marie Dressler and Charlie Chaplin in Tillie´s Punctured Romance was Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, the sweet and pretty directrix of the Friends of the Deutsch Cinema, bubble butt hottie Nanna Heidenreich with juicy gal pal Angie, matinee idol Uli with his perky Polish girlfriend, visiting New York art royal Nick Weist with Funny Games star Brady Corbet,British performance darling Keira O´Reilly looking ravishing, experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, boy about town, Marc Arthur, red scarf fetish cutee Michel Pee Pee, and German artist Christian Siekmeier with his American ginger lover. Was starved after all the festivities so had a late supper at an Indian restaurant in Kreuzeberg and drinks at Barbie Dienhoff, where the great Alessio was the mistress behind the bar.
The next day i guest starred with the Kitchens, Tim Blue´s live music and film projection band for the closing night installation of the HAU´s Apartments of Neu Köln Project. Had a great time playing experimental music with Tim, his brother Kjohnny and upstairs neighbor Baaker. Tim´s other neighbor Monika also engaged me in some solemn woman-to-woman talk about relationships at her beautiful atelier. Let it be known that the doll is ready to take any and all advice to her tender trap heart.

LIEBE ZUSCHAUER UND MITWIRKENDE
Forgot to mention that sweet little Marco, the Italian beau of French superstud Maxime Cervulle was in town with his hot dyke ladyfriend Mariela and they came to see me perform at the West Germany Club with The New Bloods as well as my Happening at the Halla.
I thought i was going to Paris to DJ at the Porn Film Festival, but stupid Hustler Magazine withdrew their grant to the festival, and that was going to take care of my accomodations, travel and honorarium. Oh welp, i was just in Paris awhile back. Hopefully someone will bring me their again in the fall, which is much better then a summer trip.
On July 1st Beth Ditto and the Gossip come through Berlin and i am supposed to be the MC at their show at Columbia Halle next to Flughafen Templehoff, the Nazi Airport.
Last night i was the date of Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim for the X Wohnungen Project that spotlighted, performances, installations and films screenings at different apartments in the neighborhood of Neu Köln. The route we took started at a bordello, which they should have made part of the process, having an artist dress it up or something . . . that was a curatorial miss step in my opinion. The first apartment on our itinerary was art directed, and featured a performance by my Cheap Blacky co-star Christophe Chemin working the alchemy that only he is known for. Next was a brilliant new film and live music presentation by Tim Blue, assisted by his brother KJohnny Blue, that was completely sublime.
On Sanderstr 10 was a hetero kitch piece that featured the German fascination with kareoke. I did enjoy singing the Pet Shop Boys remake of The Village People´s Go West, but was a bit put off by the lazyness of turning the audience into the performance.
On Pflügerstraße 64 a man sang a dull song accompanied by TV newsfootage.
At Friedelstrasse 61,the Turkish artist Nurkan Erpulat created pure ecstacy with her witty tableaux vivant through a key hole, likewise at Weserstrasse 212 the home of gifted Troy Lopez, the chef to the Berlin stars along with playful and robust soundscape artist Eric D. Clark getting cunty suprema with a delightful original disco medly along with la Lopez´Jamaica style fisting crepes----voila!!! So much of art today lacks generosity, so the combination of Clark and Lopez fueling art for the senses was a much needed treat.
At Weichelstrasse 8a, the gorgeous Ideal Passage Apt Complex beckoned. Too bad the blondine assistant was such an icky little sourpuss, who really wasn´t featuring me the minute he laid eyes on la doll. He was a cute kid with a nice tight ass, but he really deserved to get beaten up. Thankfully the William Tell like host was personable and attractive.
At Sonnenallee 65 Daniela and i weren´t up to playing the Kirsten Pieroth knock knock game, but it was nice being read a Ted Hughes like poem by Carl Holmquist even though the party surroundings was a major irritant---- there wasn´t one cute boy at the affected soiree that i would have liked to snog, let alone chit chat with. We did have a good time at the opening party at the WAU Cafe. It was great to see and hang with Peaches whose X Wohnungen performance installation was the talk of the evening, i wish it was on my route. I would have also loved to see the Walter Gropius project haus and the activity that was part of that action. Oh welpsis at least i got some sugar from delicious Anna Muelter, Christian F, Suzi Su and a host of other familiar and loving faces that kept coming out of the wood and pantyworks. Too bad my knock knees kept me from dancing to Sheila Chipper of Elastica fames spunky party mix.

ICH VERSUCHE; MICH VON SCHLECHTEM FERNZULHALTEN
So sorry its taken me forever to post something, but the combination heavy duty schedule of performances, events and teaching assignments with the heat wave has left me war torn and battered. I will begin by saying that i had a lovely time in Stuttgard teaching at the Merz Akademie a performance art workshop for a week that culminated in a short performance with my students. Shout outs to a gifted gang of young people: Jasmin Bauer, Elisabeth Dreher, Isabel Kast, Steffen Kottner, Kristin Pfeuffer, Daniel Schenk, Carola Hähnel, Ann-Lena Carl, Christian Goldemann, Christian Greiner, Hanno Heilbronner, Isabel Pettinatio, Julia Weiß, Steven Ziegler and Erik Sturm. They wowed their colleguens with a spirited akshunist, fluxus style happening called "Modangela" that was a major hoot. The Merz Akademie is housed in a former insane assylum, the perfect place for Vaginal Davis to teach. Stuttgard may seem provincial and extremely clean and middle class, but remember its where the RAF came from. The dean of the school treated all the guest teachers to a super exotic Afrikan dinner at the restaurant Ambiente, where we had our choice of entres that included Zebra, Ostrich, Antelope or Crocodile.
Got to meet my fellow art teachers that included Stefan Pren and Stefan Eckel of b books kollective, along with Dutch beauty Harmine Louwe', Stephan Geene, Nicola Ritter, Ekkehard Ehlers, Gijs Gieskes and Jana Frank.
At dinner i met sexy, radikal art provacateur Oliver Voss, a juicy manicre, who i wouldnt mind jumping on his said proverbial love bone. Also drank in to the wee hours with Peter Ott, the Hamburg documentary filmmaker, theorist Helmut Draxler, Russian computer art designer Olia Lialina, filmmaker Christina Lang, design theorist Dr. Yvonne P. Doderer and Christoph Dreher, the cineaste and cameraman who use to be in the punk band Diehaut.
Before Stuttgard, i taught for a week at the art school Weißensee, then presented a piece "You'll Know What To Do" with the students in what writer Travis Jeppeson called an avante gard boot camp, at the Raumerweiterungshalle a DDR style container in Neu Köln, where some of the students work as part of a very sophisticated art kollective producing an interesting body of events that you should check out. After performing to a SRO crowd we all joined forces for some fried chicken at AReis, the Lebenese chicken shack on Sonnenalle, then more dwinking and stinking at Silver Future. I am sure you will be hearing a lot more from Annette Knol, Lydia Hamann, Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Anne Duk, Jenny Cash, Joana Coppi, Katja and Anna. They are definately all artists that the international scene will benefit from.
O and i also performed with Kjohnny Blue of Cheap opening for the Portland Oregan band signed to the Kill Rock Stars label, The New Bloods, along with Humousexual at West Germany in Kreutzeberg. I usually don't perform at rock clubs, but this was something special organized by the promoters Le Mustache, at a odd little club in an office building that reminded me of the early days of the Masque for some reason, though it didnt look like the Masque, but more like a shower in a gay bathhouse. Everyone at West Berlin including its owner and intern were sweet and accomodating. Earlier in the evening the cute British/German gay couple who head Humousexual hosted a vegan dinner, that was scrumpteous. So nice connecting with the black sister women of The New Bloods, who have such an original sound that includes a violin along with guitar and drums. I love how when they are on stage they completely ignore the audience and engage in private conversation. I had to buy their LP on vinyl no less, which will be added to my playlist when i DJ. Wanted a T-shirt, but they were all sold out.
For the May version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars we screened The Perils of Pauline starring Pearl White, with music accompanyment by the Blue Bros, Tim and KJohnny who out did themselves this year with what looked like a floor scattered with 100 different musical instruments of unknown origins. In the audience was the Cheapies: Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson, and fearless leader Susanne Sachße, handsome Uli with Guillame, Marc Arthur, Travis Jeppeson with beau Mario, and a young German underwear model knows as the concubine of Terence Koh, Christophe Chemin, Anna Muelter, Christian F., Nanna Heidenreich, Katja and Christophe de Rohan of my Weißensee class, Arsenal director Stefanie Schulte Strathaus making a glorious and humorous introduction to the proceedings which began with lots of wine liberally flowing amongst the audience. Seen having a good old girlish time, German film legend Birgit Hein with important cultural figure Dorothee Wenner of the Berlinale Talent campus. Later we all ventured to Kreuzeberg for the annual birthday bash of Angie Baby and bedroom eyed Turkish lothario Senol Senturk made extra special by Arsenal Empress Stefanie, screening a rare experimental film starring Marilyn Monroe in dishabille. No she didnt show the recently discovered blue movie where Ms. Monroe is performing fellatio on the large genitals of John F. Kennedy.
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The last three days were devoted to the final performances of Cheap's production of Max und Moritz at the Parkaur. It was sad to say goodbye to a piece so filled with joy, and an excellent cast with a delightful musical score provided by Tim Blue. I play a sexy, permiscuous Witwe Bolte, who causes havoc with her all-dancing,all-singing, well trained chickens---poot, poot, poot. The heads of the childrens theatre will probably regret cancelling this production, which attracted the Bundespresident for a command performance at Schloss Castle Belleview. If they had only known how to properly promote the piece, they could have had a crossover hit, that not only appealed to children but adults. But state sponsored theatres rarely show such a visionary tract. Too bad.
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This Saturday is the June version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal at the Sony Center in Potsdamer Platz, 9:30 pm at the intimate Theatre 2. We will screen comedy great Mabel Normand in Tillie's Punctured Romance also starring the great Marie Dressler and a pre-fame Charlie Chaplain. The wonderful Eunice Martin will accompany the film on piano, and after the screening a free wine reception in the Rote Foyer.

SOMMERSEMESTER IN STUTTGARD

Sorry i haven´t written anything in such a long time, but i have been extremely busy the past few weeks, first with my teaching a performance art workshop with the art students at Weißensee, and now at the Merz Academie in Southern Germany.  Arrived yesterday, and the city is quite lovely, and picturesque with lots of rolling hills, and very clean, with very few drucken crusties.  They have put me up at the International Student Hotel, which is delightful, with a friendly and accomodating staff.  The Merz Academie is small, and the students are sweet, with warm, smiling faces.  My class is mainly girls, all pretty, perky and energetic, with 5 handsome boys, in all 15 young people who  seem very committed, focused and ready to get down and work.  On the first day we  even came up with a theme, and name for the project which we will present on Friday at 1:30.  Won´t tell you anything more then that right now.

The weather here is boiling hot, so i´m a little veklempt.  Would love to give you details about the workshops with the Weißensee students and also our Happening, my show with The New Bloods from Portland Oregon and the latest Rising Stars, Falling stars, but you´ll just have to wait------sorry. Believe me,  I am not  trying to be all mysterious and shit, i just had a long day, and i need to get something to eat and even though its only around 5pm i want to go to bed.   

EXPRESSIVE SCHMUCK KREATIONEN
Tim Blue and I met with the youth group at the Stahl Theatre called Straight to Stage. The kids were much younger then Fight Club at The Hebbel. This group were between the ages of 10-15, and were very, cute, focused and determined. Their peppy facilitator Karen, and her assistants had them on a very tight schedule. They are working on a project called Julia & Julia, a girl/girl love story that also encompasses class conflict. We watched them work for a few hours, and also had a delicious lunch with them, and the Intendant of the theatre, a man named Wolfgang who is a big Nick Cave fan from the Birthday Party days in Berlin in the early 1980s. The girls seemed to really get into filling out our Slam Book, and were doing it in a very creative fashion.
Later that afternoon i finally got my bike fixed at this shop where the repairman was really sweet and jovial----I think he was a dinge queen.
My bike has been broken since November, and with this warm weather i had to splurge and get it up and running. In the early evening i rode to the Herbert Tobias exhibit at the Berlinishe Museum in this wierd area that is between Mitte and Kreuzberg. Tobias is a legendary German faggot art and fashion photographer famous from the 50s till his death in the early 80s. He is responsible for giving Nico her name, after one of his lovers, the Greek filmmaker Nico Papitakis, who worked with Jean Genet. There was some great fashion photos of Nico when she was a teen in the 50s, and a picture featuring a great looking young, Klaus Kinski, and Andreas Bader of the RAF, who was also one of Tobias' hot tricks. My friend, the brilliant art photog Annette Frick also showed her lovely short documentary film on Tobias which features some of his more daring S&M work that the timid curators of this show have pretty much decided to ignore, which is typical of institutions. It was great seeing Annette and boyfriend Wilhelm Hein, as well as the Cheap gang, with fearless leader Susanne Sachße, film historian Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, and Tim Blue with his Jamaican concert pianist beau David. Also saw my Berlinale intern Julius Bauer, engaged in an intense conversation, Austrian poet Sissy Tax. East German super 8 filmmaker Thomas Werner, Trixie, the famed former prima ballerina with the Frankfurt Ballet, and friend of Jack Smith and star of the movie "Trixie" by handicapped British experimental filmmaker Steve Dwoskin. Trixie's husband Peter Schonherr, the experimental cineaste who worked with Otto Muel, was huddled next to dear Anna Muelter of The Hebbel Theatre, photographer Andreas Fux, actor Constantine Berger with his SPD boyfriend. The SPD is Germany's version of the democratic party. Herr Berger has one of the largest penises in Europe, and him and his politician boyfriend love to make passionate love in the Reichstag after hours. Now that is hot!!!!!
Also seen schmoozing at the exhibit: Detlev of the Schwules Museo in Mehringdamm, Gunther, the famed muse of Karl Lagerfeld and hero to the hearing impaired community of Berlin, independent curator Frank Wagner, and Ricardo Tisci, the humpy Italian working in Paris who heads Givenchy Haute Couture, Ready-to-wear and women's accessories as well as the men's wear and accessories division with the LVMH colossus. Talk about a success story, i remember when i first met the exquisitely handsome Mr. Tisci he was working for Puma. I still have some of the swag he first gave me.

BEGUILER OF STARS
Met with my wonderful Wießensee students Joana, Lydia and Jenny at the cute Neu Köln queer space Silver Future. It was lovely hanging out with the gang, dwinking and snacking, before we begin a week of workshopping at this container space north of the Hermannplaty. The bar gets quite lively, and has an infectious energy. Vivacious owner Katta wasn't wearing her Elvis Herselvis hairdo, but she is so marvelously personable, and is such a warm hostessa that this pub is becoming my new favorite place in all of Berlina.
Earlier i met with Empress Stefanie of the Arsenal and her right hand girl Nanna Heidenreich, to solidify my Rising Stars, Falling Stars program for June and also to look through their database of films to fill out what i will be presenting for the rest of the year. Next week on Saturday May 24th we return to the world of the film serial and The Perils of Pauline starring one of the first screen international superstars Pearl White. The 1913-14 production will feature the Blue Bros. Tim & Kjohnny with live acommpaniment, and this time we will be in the smaller Kino 2 theatre for a more intimate feel. The event starts earlier at 7:30pm, so feel free to come and go, get a snack or two, but stay afterward for drinks in the rote foyer. Every month there are new people, so you never know who you might wind up with as the evening progresses.
I am so grateful to Nanna's hot girlfriend Angelika for bringing me back from the states some drugs in the form of American style aspirin, and cold tylenol PM. Miss Angie baby you are a lifesaver!!!!
Every day i spend most of the morning to late afternoon it seems at the Kunst Library near the Christiane F. Zoo Banoff. The hottest, most sexiest boys can be found at this library stalking the open stacks. Yummy, yummy and more under the yum yum tree. Yesterday when i was leaving, i saw a super humpy Babylonian gorgon of a boy, with peaches and cream complexion, dark hair, full pouty lips, a rack of warmed over death and booty to build a dream on, as i was staring at him, some little balding man approached me and asked if i spoke English. Still dazzled i mumbled in the affirmative, and the troll turned out to be some Jesus freak trying to prosyletize me. The holy luck of the doll!