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Monday, December 13, 2004

Thursday i was the last minute replacement for Extreme Elvis at the UCLA Live John Waters Christmas Party. Hector was my assistant for the day and we arrived at Royce Hall around 2pm beating the traffic and getting the chance to hit all the T-rooms on campus. Lots of lovely boy beauties abounding. Ran into sweet David Pendleton of the UCLA film archives. I adore David, he performs in Mark Simon's The Boyfriend review and speaks a million languages just like my pals Marcu Siegel and Daniela Romana who are living at the moment in East Berlin. In the Sunday Times there was a big article about expats in Berlin and Marcu was an interview source.

My artist liaison at UCLA was a sweet lil girl named Ajna who had a labrador retriever that insisted on sniffing at my cooze. What is it with dogs and my cootchie. Well i guess i should be happy that someone wants to sniff at it. Can someone also explain to me the connection between white people and dogs or just pets in general. My mother use to say that people who cannot handle intimate relationships with other humans become obsessed with animals because an animal will just love you unconditionally where its a bit more complicated dealing with other humanoids. I can barely take care of myself, so i'm not a big fan of pets or children. Sorry.

The UCLA event was cute. I found out that this Extreme Elvis characters is kindof GG Allin like, throwing his feces about and doing enemas on stage, so thats probably why i got the gig. Soundcheck went well, but then at showtime my backing CD was having trouble playing. Good thing i was able to establish a good rapport with the audience, so i recovered somewhat nicely. And they make union wages at UCLA?

Producing John Waters Christmas special is Ian Brennan who is the fiance of Lysa Flores who is in Alice Bags band Stay at Home Bomb. I had a nice time chatting and hanging with Phranc, the famed Jewish Lesbian folksinger and cardboard cobbler who had a bunch of nifty products for sell including her handmade cardboard tighty whitey, bra, & panty christmas decorations plus some of her collectors item CD's and records. I can't wait till Phranc performs at Bricktops doing her Gertrude Stein salute Phranc-n-Stein. its going to be amazing. I also enjoyed the comedy stylings of the very sexy Marga Gomez. She's really adorable. Flirted with a lot of cute coeds and grabbed some bountiful packages. I was wearing my haute couture Alexander McQueen holiday dress and everyone wanted a picture with me. Got to rub shoulders with Water's alumni Adrian Grenier(Cecile B. Demented) Matthew Lilliard (Serial Mom) Brendan Sexton III(Pecker) Ricki Lake looking beautiful without any make-up with her hunky new beau Apollo a big dicked Rican. Thank god she got rid of that user husband Rob Sussman or whatever his name was, who never had a job. Ricki told me that i was soooo right about him. Always listen to Ms. Davis. Mink Stole was with Dennis Christopher and they both were shining like platinum. Mink will be performing as part of the Grillo Follies at my New Year's Eve Spectacular. Mr. Waters was hilarious of course. He was dressed really nicely in crush velvet and wickle picker shoes. That man can make a dead dog laugh.

The next night was Bricktops. Richard Halperin, Mr. Tin Pan Alley was performing a salute to Al Jolsen. Boy can Richard belt and croon. What a major talent. We started the show pretty late as it looked like very few people were going to show up. Then suddenly out of nowhere it was jam packed.

It was great seeing burlesque goddesses Penny Starr Jr and from NYC Dirty Martini plus the Hobo Jazz Man who took thank god, took that nose ring out. He's so handsome he doesn't need modern prim affectations. It was also a pleasure to welcome the most stylish couple who come to Bricktops Miss Mary Pagone and Sasha Fuentes. Their outfits always match and are pure genius. I also love Melissa Sexchester, Jean Spinosa, Swedish designer Morgan Olsen and Shauna Leone who never fail to excite the crowd with their socialite graces.

John Waters graced us with his presense for a moment before he had to whisk off to his next gig. Casey Afflect and that horndoggy Alexander Payne of the wine movie Sidelines or whatever its called were arguing loudly at the bar but the real rebel rousers were the rockstar contingent of Alex Kapranos, NIck McCarthey of Franz Ferdinand and Brandon Flowers the singer of the Killers. They arrived drunk, and left even drunker. Thats so Bricktops folks.

Today I want to go see the new Almodovar film and then run around with last minute errands because I'm off to the Balkans for Visions of Excess. Everyone is converging at the castle in Lubljana. I can't wait to hang out with the NSK avant garde.