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Friday, September 16, 2011

Last night attended the opening of Phil Collins-This Unfortunate Thing . . .a Teleshopping Broadcast at HAU 1. It started off a little flat with shmarmy real life German TV personality Matthias Matschkte as the host of a home shopping network like show. With this kind of conceit and with real TV cameras on stage you have to play things dry and not the hambone showboating method, otherwise it comes off as a worse version of the already horrid sketch comedy American TV show Saturday Night Live or a two bit episode of Faulty Towers.
Leave it to Susanne Sachsse to save the day with her adept vocal intonation and subtle gesture. With Ms. Sachsse on stage the awkwardness was removed and the audience responded accordingly. Also loved the British woman who did a klutsy impromptu interpretive dance. The Stassi interrogation scene was major groansville.The only man in the piece that I found remotely interesting was the balding ginger Niels Bormann who warmed up the live taping audience in the very beginning.
The blue movie sextresses were lovely and went at each other with lusty abandon, one of the men in the scene tried to rev up his live sex partner Marcel Schlutt(Wurst &Casso Porn Film Matinee Idol) but Herr Schlutt, looking quite fetching in his period drag seemed to permanently check out of the proceedings--I couldn't exactly blame him.
Seen floating about the building: film historian Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson the Jewish Muslim with handsome actor Constantine Achmed Berger, Richard Gersh and his pretty girlfriend Miss Vicky who was celebrating her 20th birthday, the charming Salome Gersh and posse, Nadja Talmi the junior curator at Haus of World Cultures, Anna Muelter, beautiful Nazli Kilerci and her hunky beau Jorgos The Greek, Israeli artist Yael Bertran and her very preggers girlfriend, lighting designer Jackie Shemesh, Plattenspieler host and novelist Thomas Meineke with his wonderful wife and music partner and that embodiment of British charm and graciousness Ms.Gorgeous her-selvis Ian White sporting a Nazi youthquaker haircut.
Had to scurry to The Nobel Elf to meet with Jeffreyland Hilbert of Custom Creative and his baby brother Curt who are vacationing in Berlin from LA and Seattle. Getting a chance to see the mighty Hilbert Bros has been a delicious delight as they are my favorite Yarborough & Peoples. The hunky bros have been staying in Tiergarten district at the flat of Piero Bellomo of La Collezione fame and the minute they got off the aeroplane started making intimate new acquaintances amongst the locals.
The cigerette smoking and jampacked crowd proved too much for the boys at Nobel Elf so we swished over to the legendary Rosas Bar which was less saunalike but filled with lots of straight couples,nerdy accountant types and icky hetero wolf packs. I guess this side of Kreuzberg has really become gentrified. I never go out to bars and hadn't been at Rosas in four years. The love sexy bartendress made the Vodka Tonics extra strong for us and we were able to get a seat and bumped into Marco the sweet Italian born Paris based academic who was of late the boyfriend of Maxime Cervulle. Marco was with an Italian stud posse of pals and when I left at around 2:30am which is way past the Doll’s bedtime all seemed right in the world and the love connections were being made.
Earlier that morning Jeff&Curt treated their Vagimule to a big breakfast at Café Berio’s where I was hoping the giantessa Tranny would be on duty, but no such luck. We visited Christopher Isherwood’s Berlin Stories flat and the boys did some gay shopping at some specialty boutiques in the Nollendorky Platz area as well as take pics in front of the hustler bars. Then they were off in a whirl of blondine and ginger locks for sighting seeing at the Reichstag and the Alexander Platz Television Tower. On the Hilberts first night in Berlin they were primed to mann up to bro down so I took them to the Bear/Otter/Cub pub Wolf’s Den, the gay knipe The Prinze Konnect and MutschMann’s Fetish and Cruise Club. Tomorrow they go to Munich for OctoberFest. Long live the radiant Hilbert Bros may they always reign supreme with 20plus inches of firm and devastating Idaho spud peni.
Just received this emug from Heather Cassils who premieres her new work in Los Angeles in the Fall:
Forgive the mass email but I want to invite each and every one of you to LOS ANGELES GOES LIVE: Performance Art in Southern California 1970-1983.
As many of you know I have been giving this project, literally, all my sweat blood and tears for several months now so come see what I have generated!!
I hope to see you at the opening.
Sincerely Yours,
Heather Cassils
TIME: Tuesday, September 27 at 8:00pm - Sunday, January 29, 2012 at 6:00pm
PLACE: LACE (Los Angeles Contemporary Exhibitions)6522 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
t: 323.957.1777 I f: 323.957.9025
Cuts: A Traditional Sculpture is a durational performance resulting in a 2 channel video installation, a pin up, photographic ephemera and a zine. The work is structured in dialogue with two seminal performance works, Eleanor Antin’s Carving: A Traditional Sculpture,1972 and Lynda Benglis’ 1974 Artforum Magazine intervention Advertisement. My new work interprets these pieces, while linking them to performative practices associated with the production of hypermasculine and transgendered bodies.
Antin’s performance (in which the artist photographed herself while dieting) responded to notion that Greek sculptors found their ideal form by discarding unnecessary material from their marbled blocks. Rather than crash diet, over three months I built my body to its maximum capacity. I did this by adhering to a strict bodybuilding regime, constructed by master body building coach Charles Glass. David Kalick, a nutritionist specializing in diets for sports competition, designed a diet where I consumed the caloric intake of a 190-pound male athlete. I also took mild steroids for eight weeks of the training.
I documented my body as it changed, taking 4 photos a day, from 4 vantage points. I collapsed 23 weeks of training into 23 seconds creating a time-lapse video (part of the 2 channel installation Fast Twitch Slow Twitch). Juxtaposed against the speed of the time lapse are highly stylized scenes, which play in painful slow motion that depict moments from my training- a raw egg dropping into a mouth or a decontextualized face as it "maxes out".
When my body reached a peak condition in its transformation, I collaborated with photographer Robin Black to stage a homage to the Benglis’ Advertisement. Rather than buying advertisement space in Artforum, we will use Black’s connections in the gay fashion/ art publications (both on line and off) to disseminate Homage to Bengalis. Substituting my ripped masculine physique for a double ended phallus, we will leak our image without disclosing anything about its subject but will link the image to our blog about the project. Placing Homage to Bengalis within these contexts signals the shifts in our cultural landscape, and the role of artists like Benglis in bringing about those changes.
Additonally many artist friends helped me generate documentation: Zackary Drucker, Rhys Ernst, Cathy Davies, and especially Robin Black.
For this exhibition I was commissioned by LACE- and it was also made possible with the generous support of my people who kicked in for my Kickstarter fund.
Image credit:
Advertisement (Homage to Benglis) by Heather Cassils and Robin Black, 2011.

And this message from delightful Elly Clark:
Just to let you know that my three screen video 'Moscow to Beijing' is being screened next Thursday 22nd September at Milton Keynes Gallery. And although this work has been shown before - in Canada, Russia, Finland, USA, Germany and few venues in the UK - it has never before been shown projected large as it will be here. So I'm excited. If you're nearby or would like to be for that evening, it would be brilliant to see you. More info here:

If, however, the thought of a night in Milton Keynes doesn't get you out of your seat, a show you can visit without moving more of you than your mouse click hand, is Noises in the Void, in which I have two pieces. This online exhibition went live officially today and will remain online for six months and gathers together work by a diverse set of artists who all use sound in various ways. The two pieces I have in it are Five Minutes on the A23 (Berlin-Heide) - a five minute video made during a standstill traffic jam on the German Autobahn, and thirteen photographs with accompnaying audio extracts from The George Richmond Portrait Project.

You can see this exhibition here: - click through the arrows at the bottom right to go through the exhibition. Or (if feeling lazy you can go directly to the bits I'm in here: and to the George Richmond Portrait Project here:

I hope you're well and to see you soon!
Best wishes / love from
Elly x // art: // photography: // Clarke Gallery:

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Was on my way to the internet cafe when I bumped into Master Patrick the sweet and personable leatherhooded Berlin artist. Master “P” is back at the door of Club Pork at Ficken 3000 every Sunday nite after a year’s timeout from Pork proprietor Tennessee Claffin the Mormen ex hustler lover of A-list directors Gus Van Sant and Bryan Singer. Recently Pork had a scandalous politically in-correct‘Jihad’ party.
Master Patrick filled me in on all his recent adventures including working on a new film that stars a muscular 20 year old EastGerman Judo champion named Jasper who looks like a baby Joe Dellesandro, and is causing quite an international stir. While I was getting the downup from Master ‘P’ we were accousted on the street by a gaggle of Dutch drag queens. They were on their merry way to a champagne brunch and a hot filming sesh with German cine legend Miss Rosa von Praunheim. Herding the corral of unruly trannies was bareback blue movie idol Peto Coast of Macho Fucker Studios. According to Master Patrick Macho Fucker is the MetroGoldwynMayer of condomless skin flickers and sets itself apart with a randy roster of shtars and shlong-genues of the humongi penis variety. Macho Fucker prides itself on a fornication style that is rough and jackhammery. Mr. Peto Coast is a tall,strapping dark haired lad from The Netherlands who resembles a young John Gilbert crossed with Melvyn Douglas. He came across as more macha then macho from our brief introduction but I guess that’s where his thespian skills come into play on celluloid.
I get many emugs on a daily basis asking my opinion of the latest crap, I mean crop of Hollywood and international art house releases. Since I don´t live in Los Angeles anymore I am limited in the free screener copies sent to me. But I do get invited to screenings in Berlin on occasion because of my connection to the Berlinale, Cannes and the Sundance Film Festivals. I also occasionally write for cultural periodicals, journals and glossies but generally shy away from journalism as the pay is lousy. One recent inquiry was on my take of the recent film Cowboys and Aliens directed by Jon Favreau of Swingers fame. Well the best thing about this movie is its title and star Daniel Craig’s voluptuous horror of a heiny in some well worn leather chaps—lecher! The rest of the film is too Steven Spielberg mushy mush.
Steven Spielberg = death. Its an easy rule for kids to follow.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Received a Skype call from Crepe Suzette, aka:Susan Mathelson my longtime friend and collaborator who is a famous costume designer of A-list Hollywood films like Twilight. She has also designed for and dressed the biggest of the Hollywood living dolls, namely HRH Vagimule Davis Jr.
The last time we chittle chatted via Skype she was in her native South Afrika in May working on a movie with Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds. The muscular Mr. Reynolds was ademant in not wanting to be sexually objectified refusing to wear anything form fitting or that exposed his steroid sculpted rack or abdominals. I guess he's gone Shakespearian,and wants to be taken seriously as an actor and not just an overpriced male courtesan which is how he got to where he is in LaLa-landia. Can't fault him --- thats how everyone makes it big in the entertainment bíz.
The Crepe Suzette is back in Los Ang prepping her next feature which will star that dimunitive Scientology lady of the über relaxed sphincter channel ---Miss Tomithy Cruise. This project films on location in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I`m sure our favourite matron saint—Dame Cruise will be providing private sessions in her stretch trailer to her fav loveskin of dinge delight Will "I Whip My Peter Back and Forth" Smith. Climb that tree squirrel and make sure you get copious amounts of cementy jubas gnut fluid soaking in your festery male womb!
A few months back i saw Woody Harrelson in that strategic romantic hagedy called Sex Beneficiary or some such nonsense that stars former child concubine Justin(25 centimeters) Timberlake and that exotic black orchid Mila Kunis. Poor Mr. Harrelson was photographed horribly and relegated to portraying the kooky gay stock character in advanced capitalism/danger capitalism's desperate attempt to court the disposable income of the high snow homophile marketa.
Sunday afternoon it was lovely and warm at Templehoff Airport birthday picnic for juicy Nanna Heidenreich of Arsenal Experimental. Enjoying the festivities: Daniel Hendrickson, the Jewish Muslim for Christ Jesus, his lover Pierro Bellomo, Marietta Kesting, Constanze Rohm with puppy, Little Alex of Chocolate Grinder Kollective, Djane Olga Damnitz with Senol Senturk, Theodora and their football hooligan posse, Michaela Wunsch and her delish blondine baby boy, Katja, Cigdem, Micho Willen Buecher and the bbooks and Kanak Attack crews, adoreable Angela Melitopolous, South Afrikan film programmer Daryl Els and his Canadian girlfriend, my dentist Dr. Müller who is a college pal of Nanna's with his kinder, Isabelle Spengler and her cherubic newborn Sasha, artist Cyprien Gaillard, handsome Uli Ziemons and his beautiful lady friend Juliane.
I had to leave the picnikle at 6pm to meet NYC luminary and top fashion scribe Glenn Belverio(Glenn Belverio's blog, Confessions from the Velvet Ropes is in Berlin staying with his graphic designer friend Isabel Toledo. We had a glorious reunion at the Cheese Endique Trifecta as a thunder storm raged outside. Starving, we later hightailed it to Kant Strasse in Charlottenberg for a late night supper at the 24 hour bistro Schwartzer Cafe that Glenn renamed The Arnold Schwartzenegger Cafe & Bordello where we stuffed on karrot ginger soup and dead baby cow wiener schnitzle. Glenn leaves for Vienna fashion week on Wednesday.
I walked home via Nollendorky Platz as all the Folsom Street Europa Nosferatu sex lizards were crawling out from under their rocks. Ran into cute and cuddly Yusi Etiman the patrician Turkish leader of the Basso Kollective which just disbanded after a near ten year run of regular eventas. Mr. Etiman was looking water polo player fit & fresh in a bright red tunic sitting outside a Lebenese spatkauf on Motzstrasse munching on pistachio nuts and icecream. Earlier in the eve he was ravaged in a threegy with some dinosaur dicked teutonics at the Reizbar Naked Sex Party. He also had visited the Mutschmann Fetish Club but was turned off by all the fembots in their silly macho drag costumes. We cackled and giggled together for a few minutes like two girlish Gertie's getting their garters bunched up, and then he sashayed home to his stylish Leiptzieger Strasse penthouse apartment. The Vagimule slowly ho strolled back to Rote Insel where she crash landed.
Forgot to mention that the legendary filmmaker and teacher extroidinaire at San Francisco Art Institute George Kuchar recently passed of what i believe was colon cancer. Gorgeous George had been ill for some time and I knew he was on death's doorknob but i was somehow hoping for a miracle and that he would still be with us for a few more decades to fullfill Sylvia's Promise.