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Monday, June 26, 2006

VALSEURS
For those of you who think that my blog is complete fantasy, which seems absurd in that I write things that aren’t exactly flattering to myself, remember that truth is stranger then fiction. And yes I REALLY do get emails sent to me or my assistant for TV and movie roles. Below is a copy of one:

-----Original Message-----
From: Suzanne Broderick
Sent: Fri, 2 Jun 2006 17:01:28 -0700
Subject: Vaginal Davis

Hi,

I'm the casting director for "Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty" - a new show for the Oxygen network - and I'd like to speak with you about the possibility of Vaginal Davis appearing in a segment of our show. The show will be taped in Los Angeles on June 14. Please call me at (323) 436-0124 so I can give you more information about the show. Thanks.

Best regards,
Suzanne Broderick

***
And this email came from Canadian auteur Bruce La Bruce, who is a good friend of mine. I’ve performed in two of his films and he acted in one of mine. Some people out in cyberland don’t believe that I’m a real person, and that I’m a figment of the imagination of my webmaster Larry Bob. These internet techies did their computer finagling and traced my web page to Larry Bob’s web page. Well the reason why they are connected is that my webpage piggy backs on his. So that alone brings them to the brilliant deduction that I don’t exist.

Oh welpsis, here is Bruce’s emug:

DEAR DOCTOR DAVIS: Well you know will munro and lyn mcneil now run this cute
club the Beaver, and it would be absolutely perfect for bricktops, Ontario. But please consult with me as well so that I can try to be in town for at least part of your runs. What's new, pussy?
I struggle with life and death in this foul, fallow world.
Hey, I was thinking, what ever happened to lisa suckdog? And also, what was the name of those two hillbillies(Psychodrama) who used to pull shit out of their asses and work glory holes on stage and then chase people out of the club with handfuls of shit and down the street? They kept one of their members in a pig pen, if I recall, in the Ozarks. That was back when the world was simpler. I'm going
mondo new york from july 6 to 12. Gonna visit glenn belverio and lend immoral support for his book events. Also he and I are guess djing at Miss Shapes. Also they
are displaying J.D.s at the Visionaire gallery in a show. You should have
FLTJ there.
rick castro’s hollywood gallery Antebellum should be called Auntie Bellum?

I also have a photograph in a show at PS 1. Big whoop. One stinkin' photograph. I
loathe art. I just wrote a manifesto for the manifesto issue of C Magazine.
I'll include it below.

I'm writing the intro for the Butt book. How cum you
haven't been in Butt? Do you want me to pitch you? I think they're kind of
dragophobic. But you could do it as Buster Boote. Did you hear about Kevin
AuAviance getting hate crimed in the east village? My favourite part was
that they said he wasn't in drag, but that he was wearing something like a
feather boa and tight vinyl Daisy Dukes. If it walks like a duck in drag...
I'm so evil. But you already know that. Did you ever read the faux obituary
I wrote about Kevin AuCoin? I think I only showed it to slava. I don't know
what made me do it. It was so mean. But it's black humour, you know. I mean,
I only met him once, and he was a bit rude to me, but that's not why I did
it. I just corrupted his real obit in the ny times. His last book was called
Face Forward, and I said that it was being changed posthumously to Face
Down. Sometimes I just have a little tourette's devil in me. It's very
Sibyl. Oh well. I'll probably be dead soon too, and then people can write
nasty obits about me. Mr. LaBruce never married. Did you see my article
about the Che lawsuit in BlackBook? I reprinted it and the unedited version
on my Myspace blog (www.myspace.com/brucelabruce). Why aren't you in
myspace. All the kids are doing it. Ok delovely, I gotta dego. Keep Movin'.
Xxx blab P.s. We've got to do Ulrike's Brain on stage in Berlin and you
have to play Angela Davis in it. I've been doing research, like watching the
Brain That Wouldn't Die and They Saved Hitler's Brain and listening to They
Saved Hitler's Cock and re-watching Guerilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst and
State of Seige, which is so great and prescient. Susanne will play the head
of Ulrike Meinhoff, but Hitler's head will also make an appearance. I was
thinking of asking Daniel to help me write a libretto and make it into an
opera. Or an operetta. Or a rock opera. It would be so much funny.

***
The Purple Resistance Army (a.k.a., the PRA), and it¹s auxiliary wing,
the Purple Menace Society (PMS: women¹s division) is a united and federated
grouping of members of different races and genders and socialistic political
parties of the oppressed people of The United States of Canada and America,
who have, under homosexual and minority leadership, formed and joined The
Purple Federated Republic (PFR) and have agreed to struggle together on
behalf of all their people and races and sexes and political parties'
interests in the gaining of Freedom and Self Determination and Independence
for all faggots and others. The PRA declares revolutionary war against the
Fascist Capitalist and Largely Heterosexual Class and all its agents of
murder, oppression and exploitation. We support by force of Limp Wrists the
just struggles of all oppressed fairies for self-determination and
independence and hereby offer to all sexual liberation movements,
revolutionary workers¹ groups, and people¹s organizations our Total Aid(s)
and support for the struggle for freedom and justice for all people and
races and genders!
On behalf of all its constituents and affiliates and various sissy
sycophants, the PRA hereby identifies and extrapolates upon the following
pop cultural positions that should be followed in order to activate and
actuate the aforementioned principles in an opportunistic and propitious
fashion. Attention must be paid to the following edicts in order to gain
membership to the Purple Resistance Army. Failure to adhere to the general
principles delineated herewith may result in humiliation, teasing, taunting,
in-house gay bashing, cuckolding, cold-shouldering, and a general reading to
filth of the individual in question.

1) Never Trust Anyone Under 30. A reversal (see: Counterintuitivity) of the
old proverb from a previous generation that exhorts fellow comrades never to
trust anyone over the age of 30, this neo-axiom of the PRA is designed both
as an historical broadside against the age-ism that has become endemic to
society since the advent of the industrial revolution, and as a reminder
that, under the new world order, tender youth, a formerly fairly reliable
bellwether of rebellion, anti-authoritarianism, and non-conformist
behaviour, has long since lost its counter-cultural compass and can no
longer be trusted or relied upon to instigate or disseminate revolutionary
ideals a priori. Although it may be misinterpreted as an encouraging sign
that voter turnout in the eighteen to twenty-five year age demographic has
dwindled in the past several decades in western democracies, it is by no
means a dependable indication that the youth of today is anything less than
a vast, empty cadre of reactionary, close-minded clones who will swallow any
sort of predigested pablum that is placed in front of them, including, but
not restricted to, badly realized computer-generated images (see also: The
Aesthetic Dementia), political doublespeak, marriage (including, sadly, the
gay kind), commercial pandering, substandard reality television, corporate
hip hop, pre-fabricated celebrities, hyper-violent video games, respect of
property and copyright, and other untold forms of popular prestidigitation.
The current Œyouth revolt¹ in France, wherein young people are fighting for
the right to gain permanent job security (whilst in their twenties! See
also: Revolutionary Reactionaries) is a far cry from the events of May ¹68
in which a popular uprising of French people from diverse ethnic, cultural,
class, and age groups, including communist and anarchist factions, roused to
action by a continuing trend of western imperialist adventurism in Southeast
Asia, sought to challenge the very control of the ruling classes by
espousing ultra left wing causes, including educational and social reform
and the advocacy of sexual freedom and free love.
2) Get To Know Your Asshole. The Purple Resistance Army entreats all males,
but particularly the self-proclaimed ³heterosexuals² (also known as
³breeders², although this term may now apply occasionally to ³homosexuals² ­
See once again: Revolutionary Reactionaries) to get in touch with their
assholes, by any means necessary. Marcuse might have had something like this
in mind when he talked about the surplus repression imposed on its people by
an ³affluent society.² In an industrialized society which has reached a
point of abundance that is characterized by the production of ³unproductive
goods² ­ tech gadgets, excess waste, planned obsolescence, luxury items,
excessive military build-up, etc. ­ a certain repression over and above the
one necessary to advance culture is forced on its citizens in order to exert
a particular notion of ³normalcy² that is more aligned with conformist
social and institutional attitudes rather than ideas of individual
fulfillment. The redundant, unnecessary work upon which advanced capitalism
is predicated, characterized by a deadening or stupefying effect ­ a kind of
zombie state when performed by the working or middle class subject, or, in
the case of the white collar workers, by a moral indifference and callous
aggressiveness ­ results in a distraction from their own personal and sexual
needs. A person who functions normally in such a sick society is himself
sick, while it is only the ³nonadjusted² individual who can achieve a
healthy acting out against the overly strict restraints and demands of the
dominant culture. It is such a society that prevents constitutionally
bisexual men from exploring their homosexuality, and in particular, from
getting to know their assholes. Many men can spend their entire lives not
experiencing the pleasure of the anus, when it has been well documented that
it is the very location of the male G-spot and thereby invaluable for
healthy orgasmic release. Neglect of this region leads to poor prostate
health, general irritability, spiritual malaise, or worse. A carefully
placed finger or fingers up the ass of any one of a number of members of the
Bush or Harper administrations would greatly reduce expenditures on the
military and Star Wars technology, curtail the doctrine of preemptive
aggression against oil-rich, Middle East nations (most of whose leaders are
already well acquainted with their own assholes and those of their Gulf
Coast neighbours), and a whole host of other bellicose, morally
insupportable policies based on surplus repression and anal indifference.
Members of the PRA are encouraged to help any adult male over the age of
consent to explore and befriend his own asshole so that others do not have
to suffer as a consequence. Anal Liberation Now!
3) Discourse Sucks! Although it may fly in the face of conventional wisdom
concerning the predisposition of homosexuals to the appreciation of art and
artistic practice (See: Counterintuitivity), the Purple Resistance Army does
not in general support or condone artists or, in particular, art discourse,
although bullshit artists and their discourses are provisionally accepted.
The art world has become a purely reactive and reactionary institution whose
trends and tendencies are determined and circumscribed by the broader
conservative cultural forces and socio-economic policies of an exploitative
capitalist ruling class, having long since foregone its function as a
vanguard or avant-garde, or as serving a therapeutic, cathartic, or even
critical function, let alone a political or revolutionary one. Devised by a
laissez-faire haute bourgeoisie, art discourse, an Emperor dressed in what
he believes are the most au current designer clothes, gets lost in the
elaborate, solipsistic layers of his own nakedness, lording his
self-importance over an unwitting and uncomprehending public whose idea of
art is the fruit in a slot machine. Modern trends in art include escapist
folk fantasies involving psilocybin unicorns and golden-tressed maidens with
dirty feet locked in pornographic carnal embrace, a new twist on a purely
decorative seventies throwback that reinvigorates questionable commodity
fetishism. More conceptual, ³dialogic² art, including the use of readymades
or relational art practice, while less commoditizable than traditional art
objects, is nonetheless reified and marketed by the same hierarchical
economic institutions and international exhibition superstructures that
confine it to the amusement of an insider elite. As an alternative to the
art orthodoxy, the PRA promotes finger painting, free range graffiti,
tattooing (although not on pigs), home movies, ad hoc shrines ­ or, for
conceptualists, practical jokes, pranks, hoaxes, and public nudity not
organized and sanctioned by institutionalized art stars.
4) Counterintuitivity. The Purple Resistance Army, a militant band of
insurgent sissies, must not succumb to the current cycle of cynicism and
apathy that has infiltrated and destroyed the spirit of resistance,
subversion and highly civil disobedience that was once at the very core of
the homosexual psyche. In today¹s topsy-turvy, wrong is right,
revolutionarily reactionary world, the members of the PRA must learn to use
counterintuitivity to fight its enemies. The dictates of common sense are no
longer to be trusted in this poisoned environment.
5) Death to Celebrity! Celebrity culture has become the biggest boondoggle
of the modern world, and members of the PRA must do everything in their
power to destroy it. Much of the blame for the rise of celebrity culture has
been laid at the dainty feet of Andy Warhol (peace and blessings be upon
him), whose famous phrase ³In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen
minutes² has been wildly misinterpreted as an endorsement of celebrity for
all as a kind of democratic principle in a capitalist context. His real
prediction for the future was probably more along the lines of an Orwellian
(or perhaps Kafkaesque) dystopic nightmare in which each individual in
society is forced, by means of an assembly line or factory model, into a
limited window of fame/labour precisely fifteen minutes in duration, none
more significant or important than the next, each turned out like so many
car parts and discarded when it has outworn its usefulness. This is the same
model Warhol used to produce his early movies and art work: objects
assembled by a series of poorly paid workers and manufactured in his
³Factory², mass-produced and sold in a free market economy. (Although Warhol
was, himself, an artist, celebrity, and capitalist nonpareil, the Purple
Resistance Army grants him enormous leeway for his overwhelming contribution
to hypersensitive, tortured sissyhood.) Today, the worship of celebrity has
become a kind of neurotic compulsion that turns otherwise salient and
reasonable human beings into slavering, sycophantic boobs who care more
about the excruciating minutiae of the lifestyles of the filthy rich and
unjustly famous than about their own, infinitely more authentic, everyday
lives. Celebrity itself has become a disease that mangles and maims the egos
of those who suffer it, reducing them to delusional paranoiacs who should be
at the very least, not paid very much attention to, at best, deprogrammed.
Down with Overexposure! Up with Anonymity!
6) Show Business is Politics/Politics is Show Business. Awards shows receive
their own special category of condemnation from the PRA for their smug
self-congratulatoriness and crass commercialism, propping up, as they do,
the celebrity infrastructure by lording the wealth and power of the
privileged few over the increasingly impoverished, debt-ridden anonymous
masses. There are now more award shows and presentations than there are
categories to define them, each one a cleverly contrived and predetermined
spectacle designed by the various industries who manufactures it to present
the illusion of democratic process and free market competition. The Oscars
have become the Holy Grail ­ or golden calf ­ of the entertainment industry,
an award conferring on its recipient both increased status and bargaining
power as commoditized icon. (Not to put too fine a point on it, but the free
gift bags handed out to celebrities at such awards are worth considerably
more than the yearly income of the average Canmerican family.) Celebrities
now campaign for major awards like seasoned (read: corrupt) politicians,
hiring teams of strategists and publicists to promote their cause, while
politicians, an increasing number of them crossing over from the
entertainment field, are styled and cosmetically sold to the public like
programmatic B-list movie stars. The PRA holds special contempt and
condemnation for George Clooney, a liberal star posturing as the rebel
dissenter. Recently accepting his Oscar, Clooney eschewed any overt
political statement ­ while his country is bogged down in an unjust war - in
favour of professing his proud support and admiration for ³The Academy², the
ultimate Hollywood establishment organ that controls the film industry in
the elitist and cabalistic, hierarchical style of Freemasonry. Gone are the
days of the likes of Vanessa Redgrave (peace and blessings be upon her),
who, while accepting her supporting Oscar in 1977 for playing a Jewish
freedom fighter during the Nazi occupation, gave a shout out to the
Palestine Liberation Organization. Even the most overtly Œpolitical¹ stars
today remain inside players who perpetuate the corrupt, nepotistic
plutocracy that is Hollywood by not only showing up to every conceivable
promotional event, but also actively campaigning for awards and accolades.
The PRA strongly encourages homosexuals to challenge their faggoty
predilection for organizing and participating in any and all parades,
festivals, pageants, and ceremonies that support and promote corporate
enterprise. Death to the Hollywood insect who preys upon the life of the
people!
7) The Tyranny of Stylists/The Aesthetic Dementia. Modern styling has become
particularly offensive to the PRA and the PMS, especially considering that
it¹s an invisible fifth column of our tragically misguided misogynistic
homosexual brothers, from stylists to designers, who have dictated and
enforced the grotesque style imperatives that now govern the image of women
in the western world. From the unimaginative, uniform blond frosted tips and
streaks, to the blow-up sex doll collagen-injected lips and over-inflated
fake bosoms, to the grotesquely immobilized Botoxed faces and plastic
surgery disasters, a new model army of faux lap-dancers have willingly
conformed to the style of the hyper-objectified woman, thereby capitulating
to the male gaze in a way that might previously have only occurred in the
worst nightmares of Laura Mulvey. (Cruelly, the advent of high definition
media technology only serves to exaggerate and intensify the monstrosity of
these highly engineered viral vixens on television and, to a lesser degree,
in the movies.) The PRA and its affiliates always encourage personal style
and individualism over tiresome trends, particularly when those trends
encourage women to approximate the image of female porn stars and strippers
who are themselves already a distorted and hideous manifestation of the
female image as conceived by the exploitative, male-dominated adult fantasy
industry. Autonomous and/or amateur sex trade workers with personal flair
and a feminist sensibility are, of course, welcome members of the PRA.
Although there are too many to enumerate, two other areas of modern
aesthetic dementia have been singled out for formal castigation by the PRA.
Firstly, the advent of digital effects and CGI is a particular effrontery to
the delicate sensibilities of our lavender membership. Even a technology in
its infancy should not be responsible for this much garish, crude, and
meretricious imagery. The perpetrators of CGI also have the dubious
distinction of removing all the visceral stimulation and sense of adventure
from the popular media. Nothing can replace the excitement, in the glory
days of analogue, of a vacant model or actor being forced to share the same
temporal space as a man-eating feline or a predatory bird eager to pluck out
his or her eye. The manufacturing (i.e., faking) of high-risk stunts
digitally deprives the audience of its most precious form of entertainment:
the potential evisceration and/or termination of overpaid, privileged, and
totally expendable celebrities. Secondly, the PRA calls out the exhausted
kingdom of hip hop for its negative contribution to fashion and style. From
its ostentatious signifiers of ³bling² ­ ridiculously enormous gold dollar
signs slung around slouched necks; tacky, overstated jewelry and
accessories; pimped out, gas-guzzling showboat cars ­ to its propensity to
engage in stylistic excess, infantilism, conspicuous consumption, and rank
gangsterism, the hip hop and rap contingent has taken nouveau riche
posturing to new levels of banality. Compare this to the sleek and elegant,
militant quasi-Marxist style of Angela Davis and the Black Panthers from the
era of true black revolution and you may be inspired to burn, baby, burn
your Fiddy Cent and The Game CDs and paraphernalia. (Incidentally, no
conscientious PRA member should buy CDs, hip hop or otherwise: free
downloading from the internet not only challenges the corrupt profiteering
of monopolistic music conglomerates and the enforcement of overly strict
copyright practices, but it also reduces the use of plastic and other
non-biodegradable materials unnecessarily used in the packaging of
entertainment products. File sharing is not only true democracy in action,
but it¹s also environmentally friendly! And remember, intellectual property
is theft!
8) Club Pamela Anderson. By Club Pamela Anderson, the PRA is not referring
to an organization represented by or supporting the over-hyped star. It
means club her, like a baby seal. From her recent appearance on the Comedy
Network as the subject of a celebrity roast (with Courtney ³Doll Parts²
Love, by her side ­ Kurt Cobain must be permanently spinning in his grave),
to her hostessing gig at the underwhelming Juno Awards, which presented
the sad spectacle of Canada¹s rad indie rockers salivating over her enormous
pair of commodities (see: Never Trust Anyone Under 30), Anderson represents
pretty much everything that is wrong with western free market capitalism.
She needs to be, if not regulated, garrotted.
9) The Charm Offensive. Counterintuitively, PRA members must always be kind,
courteous, and polite. The fact that the world is going to hell in a Kate
Spade handbag is no excuse for rudeness.
10) Down with Revolutionary Reactionaries. A relatively recent
phenomenon, the term revolutionary reactionaries refers to formerly radical
groups of disenfranchised minorities and/or oppressed peoples who are now
fighting, sometimes violently, for the right to be conservative, stable, and
inert. From the aforementioned French riots, during which so-called
socialist youths donned balaclavas and sacked the libraries of the Sorbonne
(the very site of the genesis of May ¹68!) to promote their fight for
sedentary, entrenched job security; to angry gays and lesbians struggling to
participate in marriage - a traditional social and legal institution
designed to bind and control its citizens - and to adopt family values; to
black thug rappers transforming hip hop, a previously unruly and subversive
form of spontaneous, rebellious street communication, into a corporate
enterprise characterized by good old-fashioned corruption, greed, and
internecine violence (Proof RIP!): the oppressed are doing a pretty good
job of oppressing themselves these days without the help of hegemonic
states, bureaucracies and institutions. The Purple Resistance Army urgently
implores you to Wake Up and Smell the Tear Gas!

Bruce LaBruce for the Purple Resistance Army