FUTZENEID/PUSSY ENVY
At the Amstedam Airport which has the stupidest name in the world--- Stippol or something like that. Why are there no cute boys in the Netherlands? Its not as bad as Poland which only has beautiful women--all the men look like Lech Walensa but almost as bad.Not one piece of male eye candy at the aerport.
Some aeroport worker who was tiny but nominally attractive and young, asked me some invasive questions about my traveling experience and use of the airport facilities. I told the little laptop of a boy that I always ask to transfer through Amsterdam as the other airports like Heathrow and DeGaulle either lose your luggage, have frequent delays or go on unexpected general strikes. I also told him they need more bathrooms in the boarding area and a better food court. He asked me how old am I and I said how old do you want me to be?
Of course I couldn’t get a good night sleep before traveling, just tossed and turned all night and listened to NPR Berlin. Communism aka: Daniel Hendrickson called me a cab and it was waiting for me bright eyed and bushytailed at 3:30 am. The Turkish driver was a young grump. I had opened the window because his taxi smelled so badly of funk and kebab grease but he complained that the cold air was aggrevating his sinuses or something in German that I couldn’t understand. Thank god that so early in the morn there was little traffic so we just sailed into Tegel Aeroport. The nice pursor on the plane asked a smallish woman sitting in an exit row if she would change with me so I had a nice comfy ride for the short pitstop to Holland. One of the trolley dolly’s was very personable good time Sally who took a major liking to me.
In Amsterdam I got to board the plane quickly and everything was looking very Bernadette Cooper. I didn’t get an exit row, but I had two empty seats which would make my trip to LA very comfortable. In fact the plane wasn’t so crowded and there were plenty of empty seats. But of course everything went wrong when they announced that something is wrong with the plane and we have to get off and board another one at a different gate delaying the trip for 3 hours. That’s a first for me. At least we didn’t have to sit on the tarmac for ages like in New York.
Because of the delay I loose my empty seats, but I did get a nice seat mate in a Korean mother who was very bubbly and talkative. Hector Martinez picks me up at the aeroport and its warm and lovely in Los Ang. I check into the Standard Hotel Downtown and my room is fantastic with a great Rear Window view of the loft apartment building The Pegasus where there are lots of hunks taking showers or showing off taunt pectorals in their windows like redlight district hookers. Hector took me to eat at Phillipe’s French Dip and I scarfed down a lamb sandwich and split pea soup that was out of this world.
In the morning Hector and I had breakfast at the Pantry after his workout at Gold’s Gym Downtown. LA keeps getting more and more expensive, and I’m sad to report that its infected The Pantry. But I shouldn’t complain because the Pantry is still cheaper then most places in LA, but the prices have gone up considerably which is a dirty shame.
My pretty & sweet young latino assistant from Inglewood, Daniel picks me up for our big walk-through at the Bullocks Wilshire Friday morning. I am completely jet lagged and excrement for brains. Our tour guide John comes with his own seven sisters type back up singer. John is quite officious and reminds me a little of the golden era Hollywood character actors Franklyn Panborn and Edward Everett Horton.
So great seeing my spiritual art sister Emi Fontana the creative director of public art agency West of Rome and her right hand gal Caren who is one of the world's most organized women. Their crew includes assistant Maria, and lovely Cathy Garcia of Daddy Magazine and hip architects Ravi & Frank.
I have many lovely memories of shopping at the Bullock’s Wilshire in the 70s and 80s including the wonderful going away party for me back in the early 80s at the Bullock’s tea room for my first big performances in New York City. John of the South Western Law School who manages the building also showed us the Dean’s offices and patio garden with luscious views of the Lafayette Park Wilshire corridor.
After the walkthrough Emi took us to Langer’s Deli in MacArthur Park for some yummy pastrami sandwiches. Later at the Standard hotel my hot British husband Andrew Gould came by with snacks and we got re-acqainted. It was marvelous spending time with hunky Andrew who is writing for the Guardian Newspaper as well as working for National Public Radio.
Saturday I had a long conversation with Glen Meadmore who told me he saw the famous homeless rollerskating queen of Beverly Hills who is an LA fixture since the 1970s His look these days is a bearded clam, a black hoody and spandex pantalettes. This famed LA character usually haunts Sunset Blvd in Beverly Hills near the famous park where George Michael was caught in the urinals or he’d be skating down Robertson Blvd near Burton Way.
Hector Martinez was sweet in taking me shopping on Hollywood Blvd to Miss Ellen’s wigstore, then we met with the fantastic Ms. Michele Mills of World of Wonder and Entertainment Tonight and we ate Mexican food at this cute little trendy place on Hollywood Blvd that made the most delish peach/mango Margarita’s. Later I met Emi on the rooftop of the Standard for drinks. I was going to go to some openings with her, but my stomach was acting up and I was starting to suffer from the flying patooties mixed with jet lag so it was best to stay in my nice comfy hotel room. Was paid a visit from my old cronies Dora of Ventura and Mark “Clitoris Turner” Maxwell and their posse who were just at the Music Center’s Ahmanson Theatre to see the Broadway musical Fela! Our other old pal from the 80s Boofy St. Marie designed the costumes for this play. It was sweet to re-connect with some familiar faces.
Sunday morning I had breakfast at House of Pies with my sister Teresita and my niece Terri Lynn Taylor who is so obese she makes Precious from the movie look like a size -0. Hadn’t seen my niece in almost 8 years. She has 4 or 5 children and her husband has been in jail for several months. It was nice connecting with relatives, though they all seem to have a very dark cloud hovering over them. My sister is a hoarder, and she just was released from the hospital and I am afraid she doesn’t have the drive for life. My close relatives are all dropping like flies. Its very sad.
Later that evening Marlou DeLuna and her husband Hal Marines took me to dinner at Taix on Sunset Blvd in Echo Park. I ordered the split pea soup, a Ceaser Salad and Muscles with Pommes Frites and drank two very strong vodka Gimlets. The waiters overheard us talking about my birthday and they surprised me with a chocolate mousse and sang Happy Birthday to me and the entire restaurant joined in. It was very embarrassing. And it takes a lot to embarrass me. After dinner Marlou & Hal dropped me off at Jeffreyland Hilbert’s house around the corner on LeMoyne Avenue and Jeffrey and I caught up on every little thing while he made some very potent cocktails in his usual style. Jeffrey's business with my former Club Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez Custom Kreative is branching out from advertising with the film and entertainment industry into making labels, and designs with non entertainment corporate clients and also doing design and creative directing of bars and restaurants. They have designed a new bar in downtown LA on 2nd & Broadway called The Pony Lounge that has an equestrian theme and they have also done the ads for a new film that is in dramatic competition at Sundance Film Festival called Middle of Nowhere directed by Ava Duvernay and features musical supervision by one of my other good friends Ms. Morgan Rhodes.
Something tells me we are going to be hearing a lot about Custom Kreative and Jeffreyland Hilbert. I adore me some Jeffreyland. He is fantasticals.
Monday Daniel brought me some snacks and more art supplies to work on my artist book and his friend Louis took us to Chinatown for some dimsum. We were going to the Police Academy Coffee Shop in Chavez Ravene but since it was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day the place was closed. I was very sorry about that as I was looking forward to oogling some cute police recruits and then walk the Elysian Park parths to check out the infamous gay cruising that happens there. Daniel’s muscular friend Louis is a hairdresser/realtor by trade and is very vivacious and sweet. Had a nice time with the boys. Later Andrew Gould came by my hotel with some tacos from a stand in Highland Park. The grub was delicious and we cleaned out a bottle of white wine on top of that.