CHAVITY HOPE VALENTINE
Ran into someone who told me that Margaret Cho and her manager and business partner Karen Taussig had split. Not much detail, and I’m a stickler for details--- just that they read it somewhere. Of course this perked my interest as I toured with Margaret for six months in 2001-2 on her Notorious C.H.O tour.
My first impression of Karen Taussig was that she was like most business people, cheap, and that is my biggest pet peeve----I HATE CHEAP PEOPLE. I’ve been very vocal in attacking cheapskates,as Joseph Brooks, James Frankenstone and Lenny Young of the Funeral Parlour can attest to.
I only like people who are gracious and generous.
When I joined the Cho tour, I didn’t know that she was a top selling tour act.. Of course I knew she had a television show, but we’d known each other only casually, so when she asked me to open for her I didn’t know what to expect.
From the beginning Karen rubbed me the wrong way, but I convinced myself I was overreacting I have to remember to trust my instincts----they are golden. ALWAYS LISTEN TO THOSE RED FLAGS. Karen realized early on that I wasn’t some weak minded foolio who she could manipulate, and a few times, In Hawaii especially I shocked her by putting the chick to check.
Toward the end of the tour Margaret kept saying she wanted me for the next tour. I smiled and said, "o that’d be great, but I knew that would never happen, especially as long as Karen was her manager. And that was ok by me. I had a great time on the tour. It was glam, and I got to stay in 4 star hotels, and Bill Silva of Bill Silva Touring was amazing, to me. I have a natural disdain for the wealthy and I was surprised at how genuine Bill Silva was, and how smoothly his company worked. I always thought that people high up in the music or entertainment industry got there by being complete assholes. And if they were gay, then they must be super a-holes!!!Bill broke that stereotype.
Now that so much time has past I can now admit that I didn’t care much for our tour manager John Hogan or JHo as I renamed him. He was a little bit "sometimey" which is a black ghetto term that describes perfectly how some negroes feel about certain white f olks they can’t seem to trust. Of course JHo’s mood swings could be because like almost everyone in LA he is on psychotropic medication.
I found JHo to be a frustrated performer with a little sugar in his tank. We were civil to each other, and he lived vicariously through my shrimping routine, and loved that I incorporated him into the act. It secretly turned him on. But several times on tour he was somewhat curt with me, and I feel he resented that I had a following of my own, albeit a small following---JHo would always comment that the really cool people would always be hanging out in my dressing room backstage after the show and not in Margarets.

I’m not a commercially oriented performer, and never will be. Bill Silva even mentioned once that I needed to get out of my ghetto mentality, and think bigger. He may be right but I have to follow the path that is made for me and take it to its natural conclusion whereever that may be.

A few months after the tour JHo had the nerve to contact me to take part in some photo project with some tired friend of his. I may forgive, but I NEVER forget slights. But getting back to Karen Taussig---I mentioned to Larry Bob about the Margaret/Karen breakup and he tracked down a blog report that Margaret posted a few months back that is very illuminating. I include it at the end of my report, I’m not surprised by Margaret’s comments on Karen. My take is that Margaret is still searching for something, her recent marriage to Rev Al of the Cacophony Society proves that. Karen must have had a fit when Margaret married him, her hissy was probably self preservation in that she was most likely afraid that Margaret would spend all her money on him and his nutters projects. Margaret is financially successful, but like most people who have a foot in the mainstream, she probably wants more. I could see Margaret doing the roles that Sandra Oh has, and I think that is a good direction for her to go in, but since Sandra beat her to it, there is probably not room in the mainstream for two Asian comic actors----you know how Hollywood is. Her financing her own narrative movies is smart, but this new project Celeste and Bam Bam sounds like the Plush Life Players. Getting more embroiled in "The Gays" may not be such a good idea. "The Gays" are notoriously fickle, and cavorting to them can backfire on you big time. Margaret is very smart and needs to follow her instincts in going really radical, and not by just doing the obvious Bush bashing, and rally round the liberal flag twirl. Hopefully she’ll figure it out for herself, and I wish her well with that. I did have a good time doing a little short film project with her and Jackie Beat awhile back that Austin Young photographed. Austin is very handsome, but lets just say he and I aren’t destined to be good pals anytime soon. I gather the short subject will be playing the festivals, but I have no interest in seeing it.


http://margaretcho.net/blog/movingon.htm

4/12/06
Moving On

SEASON HUBLEY
Treated to a lovely bruncheon by the legendary Billy Wisdom of the 80s glam band Billy Wisdom and the HeeShees. Billy, aka: Craig Roose took me to a nifty J-Town eatery that had lots of cute pieces of masculine eye candy floating about. Mr. Roose is one of those unsung geniuses that came out of the punk scene via the San Fernando Valley, whose never been given his proper share of credit. He use to work for years at Slash Records, and also led the Brit pop parody band Stupor, and performed as the chanteuse Summer Caprice channeling a mean Eartha Kitt and whispy Billie Holliday. As Caprice he starred and hosted the cable TV Dinah Shore meets Mike Douglas talk show Decoupage. These days he works as an art director. He gave me a lot of great celebrity gossip but swore me to secrecy so i can't repeat any of it. Believe me its some juicy salacious stuff, but i don't want to get Craig in any trouble, unlike me, he can't afford to burn any bridges. See i can keep a secret.
My oldest friend from elementary school, Marlou de Luna is now a lawyer for the State of California. She and her lawyer hubby Hal Marinas took me to dine at Cafe Stella. The weekend heatwave was in full broil, but it didn't exhaust our spirits. I was housesitting at the Silverlake Maltman Avenue compound of gay lovers Hector Martinez and Eric Pierce. They live right next door to Ann Magnuson.
The scene at Cafe Stella was lively, and the service impecable. Saw buff male ingenue Channing Tatum and his girlfriend. The dull remake of The Poseiden Adventure starlet Emmy Rossum as sitting at another table with dinge queen X-Men directrice Brent Ratner, who is a bit of an otter, but has a really nice complexion, of course he brought along with him another one of those interchangeable LeRoy's whose semen he guzzles. I swear he's the new Keith Haring when it comes to a bevy of faceless black and latino male lovers. I wonder of Mr. Ratner is still seeing the Rican porn thugstar Tiger Tyson.
More exciting of a spotting was Zoey Dechanel and her sister who were eating with horsey faced Alanis Morrisette and her bisexual boyfriend Ryan Reynolds who brought along his cute ginger headed and freckly beau.
I escaped the heat the next day to spend time in Santa Barbara with Barbara Young and her foxy surfer gal sis Paula. Miss Barbara is the perfect hostessa. She cooked a feadt of feasts, where the liquor was constantly flowing for me and my companion, the kuntry krooner Glen Meadmore. I always cherish the moments i'm able to spend with Ms. Young & company. Barbara even knew the name of the lovesexy latino star of the TV serial Oz, that i ran into a few days ago. His screen name is Kirk Acevedo, and let me tell you he is more beautiful and muscular in person then on the telly.

COVETED DWARFSTAR
Ran into that stunning young latin male ingenue with the lovesexy scar who was a featured player on the HBO prison sex melodrama Oz. I don't know his name, but this dimunitive male vixen has one of those muscular, tight bodies with a gorgeous complexion, and bubble derriere that has an unmitigated life of its own. I pretended to read the newspaper, but i just stared at him for a good 45 minutes, mentally undressing him, and imagining that he was sitting on my raw ocre face, and occasionally feeding me his uncut peterkin.
***
I wish tired TV people would stop contacting me. I'm not interested in auditioning for a part on a tired sitcom, exploitative talk fest, rock video or reality TV show.
I'm also sick of so called indie-filmmakers who never stop emailing me to be in their low budget films, with the promises of exposure. The only thing this lady needs is: a. food in her fat stomach b. serious coins in her shabby pocket book and c. hefty peni in her twitchy coochee.

LIEBE LESERIN, LIEBER LESER!
Was back in Los Angeles for a few days and for some strange reason I was feeling nostalgic and decided to go back to my old childhood neighborhood in South Central. Had a gigantic soul food feast in the Shaw as in Crenshaw. The old Japanese movie theatre is still there but now its some kind of Pentacostal Church and the Googie style bowling alley is a Starbucks. The Crenshaw Shopping Center where my mother and older sister use to put my school clothes on lay-away is now an icky Wal-mart, but the Robinson’s MayCompany is still there, and the building looks almost the same. Leimert Park also has retained its glamour. Back in the day the boys from Crenshaw High were know as the sexiest Jubas Jubilees in all of Funkytown. Maverick Flat, which use to be a gay bar is still there, but now its rented out for private parties.
Went through USC to cruise eye candy and there was plenty. Ran into Buttons Sinclair and El Cholo’s new Phd girlfriend who were on there way to Summer Schule class. Ended up near Santa Monica and Fairfax and bumped into three American Idols who were on there way to the Subway sandwich shoppe. Of course I didn’t know they were American Idols, but these two young girls standing near me did, and they went into a veritable tizzy. The three American Idol boys were dressed very casually, two were wearing flip flops, one had a shiny bald head and looked like a wannabe alt rocker dude, he even had the obligatory wallet key chain, the other kid had a long blond mullet pulled back in a ponytail with a goofy crooked tooth grin, and the last boy was super hot, tall with longish dark brown hair and a fantastic mantinee idol smile and big come hither eyes. I wanted to drop down on my knees and digest a load of the kids thickerous semen right on the spot.

DROGENHOLLE: IHRE TOCHTER IST IN GEFAHR
Finally finished reading the "The Fabulous Sylvester" by Joshua Gamson. Hard to believe it was written by an academic. I’m sorry but people in the academy usually write so dry its dullardsville. Gamson really captured the flavour of the period, and I thought I knew a lot about Sylvester, but I sure didn’t know he was party of a tranny gang, that came out of South Central.
Got a sweet letter from one of my old 1980s runaround Sue buddies, who I recently reconnected with at my Kunsthaus museum show in Bregenz, Austria. Yes, the one and only Taxi Derma also known as Princess Gloria Von Thurn und Taxis. I know its hard to believe that I use to hang with European royalty, but honey when you’ve lived as long as I have, anything and everything is possible, and back in the old punk and post punk days, a lot of different worlds use to collide. So different from how it is now, where everyone and everything is so segregated.
Fyfe Dangerfield the keyboardist and singer/songwriter with the London based band Guillemots is a big fan of mine, and emugged me that he wants to do a collaboration of some kind. I’m anxious to find out just what that would entail.. .
Will keep you postada pumpkins.

FRUHLINGS-ATTACKE!
I’m in the mood for movies. Saw Terry Zwigoff and Dan Clowes latest film, "Art School Confidential". Loved the sad eyes and bee-stung lips of Max Minghella, the young male ingenue who stars. Not as good as "Ghost World" but still a pleasure, and so much better then the dreck that is regular American cinema.
No I’m not going to see the remake of "The Poseidan Adventure", even though I find Josh Lucas awfully attractive, and poor little Mia,as in bullimia---Lindsey Lohan who I liked in Mean Girls, her latest just looks like an opus numb.
Asian cine just gets better and better, Chen Kaige’s "The Promise" is sublime, and Hou Hslao-hsien’ "Three Times" is a modern day romantic drama that reminded me of the Buster Keaton silent comedy "The Three Ages" Handsome Chang Chen is my new Taiwanese boyfriend---what cheekbones, what smoldering lovesexiness, he has matinee idol written all over him---yum yum and more yum. Mr. Chen is going to replace my former lover Leslie Chung, who killed himself a few years back. I needs me some hot sticky rice.

NACKTE TATSACHEN
I’ve been getting a million emails from those who came to Bricktops Takes Man!hattan asking who was the tall, muscular six-pack ab’d ginger haired boy I performed a tongue bath on the stage at the club. Well I never got his name, but I sure enjoyed licking and sucking him all over that amazing body of his. If he’s reading this blog please send me an emug c/o my assistant Gleeson Brevard at gleebrevard@aol.com. Oh and for those who wanted a copy of the text I performed here is a bit of it in all its extemperaneous contemporary glory:

Bricky: (Intro)
I’m hungry, I want a felafel or some Popeye’s Fried Chicken
Can’t someone run and get me a bite to eat?
I ain’t no hoofer
I gots me 14 left feet, count em
one, two three. . .
I ain’t a songbird
nothing that comes from this here mouth is sweet
I’m just a barmaid and an old barkeep.

Bricky with Jennifer Miller on banjo:

you’re my lady, o bearded lady
you’re so nappy and well endowed, wow
you’re my lady, o bearded lady
you are the kitten and I am the cow, now

HIMROD NEOYORQUINOS
Should i go to the Rolling Stone Party or Callie Angell's Andy Warhol Screen Test Soiree 230 Fifth Avenue at 27th Street overlooking the Empire State Building? Easy choice, I'm sure the Rolling Stone fete will be duller then toast.
Chittle chatted with Ms. Callie, who was looking lovely and subdued, introduced her to my handsome escort Glenn Belverio the author of the new tome "Confessions From the Velvet Rope" Glenn was almost knocked down by author Anthony Haden Guest "The Last Party" to get at the open bar. I stuck to drinking vodka gimlets and held court as Warhol stars, Bridgit Berlin, Ultra Violet, Taylor Meed, Vera Cruz and Bibbe Hansen with handsome Chicano husband Sean Carrillo flitted and floated. Superstar academe Douglas Crimp was accompanied by handsome Japanese masseur and concubine Yoshi while Benjamin Liu fumed. The evening soundtrack was provided by Nico, The Velvet Underground and Bob Dylan. So wonderful to go to an intelligent adult party for a change.
Bricktops Takes Man!hattan at the Soviet/Leninist bar Club Siberia was a rousing success. The Future art stars of NYU contributed the glorious decor supervised by Obie Award winning art director Michael Casselli. The notables included Kembra Pfahler of the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black and her Karen Black Dancers, along with Bijou Phillips, Jimmy Fallon, writer C. Carr, Brock Enright, Linda Simpson with her My Comrade Mag in tow, Esther Kaplan, Scott Speedman, Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, photog Michael Wakefield, and Michelle Monaghan from Mission Impossible III. The dadaist performances by Julie Atlas Mus, Jennifer Miller, Garo from the New York Philharmonic, and Ms. Davis' creole nephew Kajohnnie Blue kept the audience intrigued. The amazing Justin Bond even did a surprise performance, and Anderson Cooper dropped by for a minute, though he wasn't able to do his Bobby Short tribute.
Special shout out to Nancy Barton, Jose Munoz and Jonathan Berger of NYU, Beatrice Glow and the NYU Bricktops kids, DJ Billy Miller, techie sexpert C.J. and Make-up Forever who co-sponsored and make-up artistes Katie Pelligrino and her bubble butt Rican assistant who beat on the flawless faces of Ms. Davis and the children.
The Final Event of the Where Art and Life Collide Symposium was an artist lecture/panel featuring Ron Athey and Ms. Davis facilitated by Jose Munoz. Ms. D set the tone by having the audience drink wine before and during which livened things up immensely(spellings?) Checking out the proceedings Julie Tolentino, Nurse "Lauren Pain" Pine, Marina Abramovic, RoseLee Goldberg and her handsome son, Patty Powers, Jeremy, the hot dancer/eve harrington boy, Tom Murrin aka: The Alien Comic, Adrian Heathfeld, curator and art theorist and the legendary Penny Arcade.

FINTON MARSAILLES
Helped daddy Ron Athey prepare for his piece "Incorruptible Flesh/Disassociative Sparkle" at Artist Space. Had the hardest time finding the damn place on Green Street. Woke up with a bit of chest and throat congestion, checked emugs and wrote blog at Dr. Jose's lovely 6th floor Tisch Office. Ate Thai food with Billy Miller, bought a new wig on 14th Street and called it an early night.

Couldn't shake the image of Papa Ron glistening with all that fake Rob/Bob Jackson-Paris orange ruffy tan and vaseline covering his tat body, and bootylish being impaled by a junior little league baseball bat.

Next morn had breakfast with John Sanchez at Odessa. John use to work at Martha Stewart Omnipotency Corporation, but now he's joined the freelance routine guild. John is a fantastic writer and performer who is actually from Long Beach, California, and is of Dutch and Puerto Rican ancestry, so you know he has one mighty powerful genitalic hegion.

***

Another great rehearsal with beauty boy John Blue in Crooklyn's Bushwicky neighb. John is an incredible musician, and our sessions together run really smoothly. I've renamed him KaJohnny as he has become my high yeller Creole cousin from New Orleans.

MANHATTAL CHATTEL
First event from NYU was panel discussia produced by Performa and hosted by le grande duchy RoseLee Goldberg, who was hilarious. She could have just talked the entire time and i would be wildly content. Ms. Goldberg is the ultimate New York sophisticate. On the panel was the curator of photography at the Guggenheim Jennifer Blessing, writer and critic C. Carr, Susan Jarosi a professor at the University of Louisville and the divine Galllic artiste Orlan who of course stole the show with her booming voice and larger then largesse persona. Orlan only spoke in French, and brought along her interpreter/concubine who i wanted to milk the quelle frommage out of. All i have to say is M. Orlan---squirrel climb that tree and get your gnut!!!!1
Dr. Jose Munoz who is the chairwoman of the Performance Studies Departamenta of NYU Tisch Academy and Bone Center hosted a bbrilliant book release party for Jennifer Doyle, who was in fine form---she was sexy, funny, more sexy, just deliri. Got to meet the famed Doyle Sisters and hang with their uber masculine, quietly intense super hot dad. His British accent gives me goose bumps. Jennifer's mom is petite and pretty and very Dina Merrill movie starish. Celebs in attendance: scholarina Gavin Butts, writer/stripper Patty Powers, performance honcha Nao Bustamente, legend Carmelita Tropicana and actor Crispin Glover. Who invited him?
Met Callie Angell, the Andy Warhol Film project curator at the Whitney. Callie is so sweet and lovely and is the personification of what New York is supposed to be about. I can't wait to attend her big roof garden soiree later in the week. G
Got all dolled up for Beatrice Glow's welcome to New York gathering at the designer collective boutique Burrow on Bing Crosby Street. So many cute kidsters and my NYU beauties all glossy and gussied up. Make-up Forever was one of the sponsors and did some makeovers and a bevy of supermodels provided the bootleg liquor. Met a sweet girl and lovely Nordic boy who edit a great new fashion website called Coutorture Media. I admire the moxy of these New York children. RoseLee Goldberg's sexy youthquaker son DJ'd and he is smoldering smoldering yummy yummy and needs to park his asstrovar on my raw face.
Earlier in the day i breakfasted with Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts and had a celeb citatia of Elaine Stritch looking great and not at all boozyrella. Billy and i attended an anti-war rally and womens march and took a detour later for some sightseeing. Billy is my New York Tri-state history guru and took me to 86 Bedford Street to Chumley's, the 20's speakeasy where the term 86'd was coined. He also squired me to the home of Edna St. Vincent Millay which is the thinnest house in Manhattan. My oogling through the window gave the owner a heart attach. Billster filled me in on all these little tidbits about architecture and the like----how coiled rope design on a facade is a symbol of affluence and a pineapple on a gate is the universal sign of welcome.
Went to Angelica Cinema and saw that teen movie BBrick. Was impressed by the leads performance and also this studly bubble butt muscular creature that reminded me of a young James Caan. Yowza!!
Had rehearsal with bearded lady Jennifer Miller and we wrote a new song together. That woman is one supreme talent, and i love her!!!!
In the morning was interviewed by Steven Watson at my University visiting artist apartment. He is delightful, and we had a perfect time together. I'm writing this very blogula at the office of Dr. Jose Munoz, who has an eleganza office at the 721 Broadway Tische campus building. Thanks Dr. Munoz for accomodating my lady self.
It seems like the tired mainstream media is trying to backlash teenie tiny, dimunitive movie star Tom Cruise by using me as the means of his fall from grace. A news item was picked up on the UP Wireservice from when i was doing my visiting artist gig at Ohio University in Athens, Ohio. Just to set the record straight. I was not making fun of Tom Cruise or his sexuality. I love Tom and always have. He's actually a good actor, and deserves his fame and success. I am also fascinated by Scientology, and think its a damn juicy religion. I really think the young Scientology grunts who parade up and down Hollywood Blvd in their tight polyester pants and nautical shirts chain smoking are kindof sexy. So leave them and their religion alone, and stop picking on poor Tom. Media pundits you should be concentrating on war, famine and pestilence. Those are much more timely subjects.

NEWYORIKAN BLESSINGS
Swift flight to Manhattan with Papa dee da da Ron Athey and Dr. Jennifer Doyle for NYU's Where Art and Life Collide Symposium. Franko B was supposed to be a part of the event, but he wasn't allowed to board the plane in London---some nonsense concerning a visa and irregular passporte photo discrepancy. Franko must have cursed them out royally at Heathcliffe, i mean Heathrow airport. I was looking forward to hanging with the great Franko B. I haven't seen him since the Nation Review of Live Art Festival in Glasgow, Scotland in 2004. Celebrity siting on my plane. The giant cute, Chinese basketball star---don't know his name, but he's taller then me. i wonder if he has extra large genitalia?
NYU chair of the visual art department, and lovely gamine Nancy Barton with luscious Jonathan Berger, event producer put me right to work the next day critiquing MFA candidates and making studio visitations. Talented crop of future art starinas. Had a wonderful time with New Orleans native Rachel Detrinis, a spirited and intelligent beauty who works in an arts n crafts mode, knitting and crocheting new and earthy horizens mixed with electronic media and needlepoint whimsy. Love it.
Was lost in kusak conversation with Dutch/Canadian pretty Jonah Groeneboer, a sensitive and softspoken F2M student. I was surprised i wasn't able to clock him as a tranny boy. I'm so use to macho transits, that his slight sissy manner and appearance completely threw me for an overextended loop. Jonah totally passes and is 100% young faggot realness. The big black mama in me just wants to nurture and death hug the children, and to protect them from the disasters that come with an art life, but i've got to snip that unbiblical cord, and let them find their own gravela pathstain.
Began rehearsing with handsome hunksis John Blue, the younger brother of my Berlin Cheap collektive comrade Tim Blue. John lives in Bushwick, Crooklyn in a spacious loft/studio. Bushwick is a big dick thickerous Rican/Dominican area, that is just adore, especially the elecated train stations that look so movie set. John's neighbors adore him---well who wouldn't he is a dazzlingly stunning young man and speaks fluent Spanish. John took me to a local eatery and we feasted. I'm sure we're going to come up with something special for Bricktops Takes Manhattan on Thursday May 4th.
Went to see Jonathan Bergers show at Grimm Rosenfeld Gallery in Chelsea. Jonathan's work is sublime. Hard to believe he is 26 years old now. Didn't i just give birth to him yesterday? Jonathan is so goodlooking, with a gorgeous distinct nose and lips of vermillion. Met his parents---he has a dapper dad, who is a bit of a showboater---claiming all attention in the room, and a stylish and serene mother. Jonathan comes from New York art royalty.
Writer Glenn Belverio took me to dinner at the saucy French Bistro Casimir. Love the food and the ambiance, Uma Thurman sat near us and gave me a bit of attitude. Perhaps she thought i was someone else, as i don't know her from Adam 12. I've always liked Uma, but can't stand her drug addled ex-husband Ethan Hawke. Maybe she gave me daggers because she knows i use to have a regular thing with Andre Belaz.
Glen took me on a Village post queer tour that began at the Monster where we drank frozen Margaritas. The Monster is a bonafide Monster show. Sour bar tenders, and a clientele that reminds me of LA in the early 80s. What a time continuem vortexa. I found it amusing though for a while. The best ill look awards go to a long on the tooth hustler in panjabi jeweled flip flops, madras pajama bottoms and an egg shell blazer over a heliotrope wife beater. First runner up is the salt n pepper gay couple in badfitting matching tuxedos who kept going in and out of the restrooms. The downstairs discoteqa is even more odd, with a barrel chested Lou Costello gogo gargoyle with horn rimmed glasses, who had an ardent admirer who was loudly quizzing him about his work out routine. Daddy Athey joined us and his eyes glazed at the very site of it all. We also dropped by Marie's Crisis, the sad luck piano bar. The evening ended at Duvet which is all homo modern, slick but lacks any sexual energy even with a bedroom decor. Nice seeing and talking with DJ Larry T in his airport lounge dj booth. Larry is a hoot, didn't get to meet his new male order child bride. Larry rules!
I'm amazed at the benal Miami/LA style of big New York clubs. I guess the whole world now caters to the dull nouveau riche. Its quite sad, but isn't ruining my new york minutes. The city in spring is breathtaking.

HOLLYWOOD FUR ANFANGER
Spent a few days in Berlina to begin recording the new Ruth Fischer album "Sexualethik des Kommunismus". We didn't get a chance to do much recording as my comrades in arms Ibadette and Mickey One were too busy with their main musical project The Super 700's, but it was wonderful spending time with them and the Cheap gang.
Tim Blue of Cheap moved into his new 100 euro a month apartment, and it is a delightful flat. Tim is such a design genius, his use of space is flawless. He gave me a copy of his new chapbook "Public Sex, I Love You" and its as brilliant as he is with sharp insightful writing that is right on the markus mark.
As a group Cheap invaded a Cazzo porno premiere at this new industrial bar Luxe, in Krutzberg. The flick starred eugo sensation Thom Barron. It was strange seeing a gay blue movie in a large crowd. No one knows the appropriate way to view porn in public these days as porn is only something that one rents and isn't seen in theatres, but Jurgen Bruning, Bruce La Bruce's fantastic producer is changing all that with his Porno Film Festival in October. I've been invited on the Jury Selection, and will also conduct a How to Have Sex, Like those Fuycking Blakxxx workshop.
On this last trip to Berlin it was great hanging with experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein and his art photog gal pal Annetta Frick, Judean beauty boy and bubble butt studkin Assof Hockman, Belgian designer Coen Claerhout, Gelitin juicy Ali Janka and his Babi Papi, and filmmaker Christian Asbach, whose footage from our Silvester Party was stunning. Christian also showed me some of his other experimental films and the video he shot for a Ruth Fischer ditty. Christian is a perky new talent to keep an eye on, and he's awfully cute and robust.
Leaving Berlin was difficult, i was having so much fun with Timothy, Marcu, Daniela and fearless leader Suzi. My connector flight was delayed big time and i wound up spending the night in a cute airport boutique hotel in ugly Frankfurt, courtesy of Luthansa Airlines. Returned to tired LA and in one day had to fly to Ohio University in Athens for a visiting artist gig. Had a blast with the cute young kidz at this school outside of Columbus Ohio. Ohio U is the #7 party school in the country according to Playboy Magazine, and they all showed up to party down at my lecture/performance which was packed to the rafters with cornfed, free range humpsters and sexy Hilljacks from the Appalachian mountains. Lovely reuniting with Professor Jenny Klein, who i spent gobs of time with two years ago at the National Review of Live Art in Glasgow, Scotland. Ms. Klein is adorable and filled with endless energy. My connector flight to Ohio was very late, so i almost missed the boat. Thank god for popular student performer Nikki who was my opening act and entertained everyone until i showed up. Nikki and her bevy of buxom lesbian girl gangmembers were my ninja bodyguards, keeping the frat boys from leaving pearl necklaces on my face(well almost), and escorting me back to the airport. Special thanks to Eliot and all the wonderful people at Ohio U, which i found out is a midwestern porn capital. One sublime Japanese/American boy i met with his super intellectual tight bodied pal,is an internet porn ingenue.

ABER SICHER WILL ICH SEX BIATCH!
Wonderous time in Bregenz with my Gelitin boys. Much love kisses and thanx to daddy loving Ali and Papi Choulo, bick dicked dwink of water Flo, and his pretty wife and gorgeous children, Chevalier Wolfie Amadeus, and matinee idol Tobi. you are the bestest.
Got up early and took train to Berlin. Of course i got a bit lost as i don´t do trains well either. nice adventure though. met cute fat assed train worker who helped me MUCH, and lots of deli eye candy on the long long winding road to Oz as in berlina. sat next to a handsome baby dyke and a flawless young business man---yum
reunion with cheap din din and lots of drinking at the communista pizza joing with daniela and tim blue, lots of hugs and kisses. went to the Sheuna leather daddy salty dog bar and it was packed with leatherettes and costumers from all over fairyland. everyone wanted to suck on my lady tits and i let them, i was so hungry for stink. settled down and had a mini romance with a cute chinese aussie fashionista twinkasaurus till 3am, came back to flat and crashed until 3pm the next day. i had a lot of sleep to make up for.
kilbanza!

FÜHRUNGSPROTOKOLL
I don´t know what day it is, thats the whirl i´ve been under with the boys from Gelitin here in Austria. I´ve had a wonderous mad swirl of a time. Got to flirt with cute tiny Christof of of the many Geliten army memebers. Christof has the tightest roundest bubble butt on record, and is sincere and sensitive. He doesn´t know exactly what to make of me. The Gelitin exilhary members are an international lot scouring the globe. David Jourdain, from France is one of the most masculine. He reminds me of a slightly taller Jean Genet, but with a bigger thicker penis. Hooray! The girls including Joey Heatherton look-a-like Rita Novak and Romy Schneider doppleganger Sabine Friesz are just delights. And the rest of the performers and crew are the most lick and suckable in all of Christendom.
My good friend and younger art sister Rosina Kuhn came to the fancy opening last night. There were a thousand people crowded into the museum, enjoying the liquor that never stopped flowing.
During the performance a hot father, daughter and son partook in the mudslide room, stripping and playing in the Volcanic kanundra. The boy was such a beefy bubble butt divinity that he made everyones jaw drop. Fine ass, face, dick and titty. The quatre whammy. unbelievable.
after the opening we went to the only alternative bar in town on top of a mountain. i flirted some more but the only ones sharing my room were two girls that decided they didn´t want to sleep with some of the gelitin crew boys so i wound up hosting an impromptu slumberina party. not exactly what i was hoping for but i am a lady who goes with the flowzilla. Got run now its time for the gourmet artist luncheon.

HOLLUNDER
Bregenz, Austria is a small town of under 20,000 people off of one of the largest lakes in all europa. I äm a young girl in the provinces, and that became stingly clear as the Gelitin crew and I were cavorting in the third floor homo moderne Kunthshaus volcanic mud slide room in their new museo piece Chinese Synthese Leberkäse.
The local yocalti had a twitchy nigger fit and became disturbed by our romper stomper ala naturelle. I quoteth, "we`ve never seen men and women being naked in that way and its upsetting to us." The Jurgen Bruning look-a-like curator also reported that these village workmen are refusing to set foot in the gallery if such displays continue.
i missed the opportunity to take a break from installing to visit ole crazy king Ludvig of Bavaria´s castle. i just can´t handle a long car ride without getting sick. Gabrielle the statuesque nelly prince of judea Gelitin minister of information was driving, but i do not believe he knew where to go exactly. i am sure that my fellow Angelenos Dame Darcy and Sean deLear along with Mexican beauty princessa Sara Montiel Glaxia, the pal of junky below the border film icon and hungthrob Diego Luna and paramour to art star Raymond Pettibone would have a nicer trip without my contact whining and need to relieve my pea bladder.
Yesterday after a full days love labour lost we relaxed at the co-sexúal lake spa for some tender bovine care.
The Gelitin boys are superstars. Their notorious World Trade Center intervention right before 9-11 first brought them international curiosity, and this new piece that i´m part of is sure to become a modern scandale.

VIEGER SANCTION
Mr. Guy Trebay, the patrician journalist with the New York Times, New Yorker,Vanity Fair and Conde Nast Traveler took me to dine at a scrumpt devore bistro on 9th Street. Our morose waiter was dourly amusing, and the restaurant owner charming and attentive with his Adolphe Menjou mustache. I loved hearing about Mr. Trebay´s travels to Dubai, Oman and the Michael Jackson principality of Bahrain (spelling?)
Trebay and Davis together and its all about getting gertie´s giggling garter.
Azo of nyu video dept gave me a bon voyage bruncheon at the French Roast on 6th Avenue. joining us Billy Miller, Finnish artist Eija Lisa Ahtila who just won some prestigious arte mundi prizet, Aerin Lauder Zinterhofer and Gabby Karan DeFelice. Of course i had to keep the girls from power bitching each other to death which was a bit taxing.
o and i forgot to mention that after dins with mr. trebay, i bumped into glenn belverio and his st. martins press editor of his new tome "confessions from the velvet ropes". they had just dined with Bruce Benderson, his bubbly gallic gamine writer friend Tsipi Keller and bon vivant heiress Cory. The group dragged me to the 40 year anniversary party of Patricia Field at Capitale on Bowery. Not a great soiree by any means but it was sweet running into my old la gangla of nurse lauren pine, jeff gardner, scott ewahlt who is now going out with michael of the former big dicked power couple of the early 90s michael and andrew sears, (nee sears-roebucks)
and it was a hootel seeing and chatting with mz. understood, that connie girl, kenny kenny, richie rich, and xavier.

THE UNIVERSAL URGE
To smell a fart, so spake the great John Waters at the taping i attended with my NYU video art professor pal Azo. Mr. Waters' monologue consisted of some of his banter from his Christmas show, but all done in an easyflowing conversational manner, which never comes across as rehearsed shtick. A packed house at a lower manhattan community theatre, the Henry Street Settlement. Sitting next to Azo and I was the legendary Waters' production designer/art director Vincente Perrini who has been with Mr. Agua since Multiple Maniacs, and besides designing the spare stage set also works in the mainstream with the HBO TV show Wired. Mr. Perrini's long on the tooth hustler boyfriend sat next to him but didn't contribute to the conversation.
I didn't quite catch why his lecture was being filmed, but it was a pleasant evening, the only blight being a gaggle of oportunists who used the Q&A portion of the event to wrangle a job, but John Waters dodged the Eve Harringtons with grace and class.
I DJ'd the Weimar New York Earl Dax event at Joe's Pub. Lots of fun. Joe's is a sublime space, and Earl is one of the hardest working promoters in new york. When does he find time to sleep? Backstage was reunited with sexy and commanding Flotilla DeBarge who will be starring on Broadway opposite Alan Cummings in the revival of The Three Penny Opera. No one deserves success more then my lady Flo.
Met Julie Atlas Muse, the burlesque starina who perfectly began the nights festivities with rousing visual flair. Great seeing scintilating Theo of the Luna Chicks, Adam Dugas who is part of the cabaret kollective Citizen Band and co-hostess Shari Vine looking just like Joan Blondell. I was really impressed by a woman who played the accordian and sang in a fantastically choppy manner. She was definately one of my favorite performers, but i didn't catch her name.
My entourage included Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU and his cute lookalike cousin Albert De Acosta, Billy Miller of STH, Slovenian art dreamboat Davide Grassi and the divine Nicole Blackman. Joining us later was Bruce Benderson, Glenn Belverio, Slava Mogutin and his hot beau Brian. The celebs in the audience were Elaine Stritch, John Lurie and Sylvia Miles.
I met with my delightful Bricktops Takes Manhattan students from NYU at Michael Casselli's class. The Kidz have so many brilliant ideas, and Michael has really inspired them with his brilliance. Michael did the best room at Platinum Oasis, an electrical bunker, that people still talk about, and its been almost 5 years.
Ran around with my Israeli pop star son Jonathan Berger, shooting the proverbial breeze with Adrian and Nathan of the Grimm Rosenfeld Gallery and also hanging with John Connelly and company at John Connelly Presents. Of course i had to see my girl Lia G. of Participant, and she remains one of New York's most striking beauties. Its all been such a whirlwind, but i must mention that i did attend an Al Hansen exhibit at the Andrea Rosen Gallery in Chelsea. Bibbe Hansen his gorgeous daughter looked younger then ever, and her boytoy chicano husband Sean Carrillo was working latin dapperness. Got to hang outside the gallery with one of my ex-Cholita's Tallulah Banketa, who has the cutest child with devlish grey eyes. Yes one of my Cholita girls did get The PREGGERS!!!!

PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH
Swarthmore College is lovely. Ashton House which I've renamed Ashy House is a campus guest residence for visiting dignitaries. I have a cozy room in the large stone manor, with lots of windows and a wraparound balcony. The place has the feel of a mortuary, and i wind up turning into a corpse after my first night---not able to sleep because its too damn quiet and peaceful. I'm an urban lady and i need lots of gunshots and buzzing helicopters overhead to get a proper rest.
The students are friendly and eager to open their young minds to all sorts of possibilities. This is very refreshing as most college students these days are completely blank----they only go to school because its a necessity to have a decent paying job. I adore the Swatty's. They are truelly uncommon women & others, to quote ms. Wendy Wasserstein. As i trolled the campus i noticed lots of humpy bucks in short shorts and flip flips in the cold 39 degree weather. yummy eye candy abounding.
Sublime dinner with the Sager Symposium planning committee that included students and main senior organizer Harris Kornstein who is so dear at 22 years of age with peaches n cream complexion and a liza with a Z personality. i guess i'm still relevant to young people, even though i'm a grandmother. i was personally picked by the students as a visiting artist and there was no faculty or administrative elements involved. The generous funding came mainly from Mr. Sager who i gather is a wealthy gay man of considerable WASP family means. Good for him.
I had a wonderful conversation with Siobhan Brooks, an imposing black sistah girlfriend and tyro academe, as well as the engagingly personable writer Laura Kipnis, who gave me a copy of her hit book Against Love. I can't wait to read it on the plane to Austria.
My presentation went very well and was packed to the rafters. My lecture performance took place at Upper Tarble a massive and beautiful hall that looks like a gothica cathedral. Afterwards i partied till 4am with the children and drank mountain liquor from the still of these hot juicy straight boys all packing large swinging packages in their pants. I always go cockoo for youthful caucasion cock. The kids also showered me and Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts with presents that included collage art, sculpture, kolonopin, xanax and valium for my continuing air travels. Thank you all my beauties, i love you forever. remember your bung holes never stink.
The train ride to man!hattan was pretty and my companion Ms. Kipnis was utterly delighful. I'm so glad i got to spend quality time with her. In New York legendary writers Bruce Benderson and Glenn Belverio treated me to a fancy dinner at the east village french bistro Leon on 12th Street. The food was incredible and lots of booty pies at the bar. Then they took me drinking at what use to be the Wonder Bar, but is now dolled up in Soviet drag with awful dj music and a shirtless big titty male bar maid who was really obvious. Later in the week I'll get to meet Bruce Benderson's new french boyfriend Cyrille Thouvenin who is a Cesar award winning young actor, who is beyond major ms. gorgeous.
The next morn Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU took me for a high french champagne bruncheon. Professor Jose and i were able to catch-up latino girlfriend style----she really takes care of la princessa. I'm very needy and i demand lots of pampering from all my gifted and talented superstar pals.

PASSA BLANC
Because of popular demand i'm posting some of the raw materials of my illustrious interviews from the prestigious international fashion and arts quarterly Zoo
Magazine. Zoo is published in the Netherlands and is in English and German with editorial offices in Paris. The English language editor is the famed Rebecca Voight who also edited Dutch Magazine, that I also use to write for. I begin this series with my interview with Joel Gibb of the acclaimed Toronto band, The Hidden Cameras. Enjoy.

Ms. Davis: Hey Darling, here are some comments for you to entertain. feel free to run with it in any direction thats suits your comely nature Here we go----Meeting you was one of my all time thrills. Its something about you Canucks i find thrilling, most of my best friends are Canadians and there seems to be something about the North that produces talented individuals with an unflinching zest for life that is so different from their puritan bretheran in the US of A. Is this something you've noticed as well? You Canadians are definately crazy, but its in a creative, fertile way. All my favorite film directors like Bruce "Judy" LaBruce, Robert Altman, David Cronenberg, Etom Whatever his name that directed The Sweet Hereafter and artists like you, Rufus Wainwright and Peaches who now lives in Berlin. Is there something in your distilled water?

Joel Gibb: I do agree that for such a small population there are a lot of creative Canadians, you didn't even mention all the million-selling female singers and virtually ALL the famous north american comedians as well, i think it's that we are outsiders a bit culturally so we work harder then what is expected.

VD: I think i feel a connection with you because we're both outsiders. Both > loners to a certain extent. On the surface we seem extroverted, but when you peel the layers back we're both introverts and quite solitary. I see that you're very observant of your surroundings, always making mental notes, or perhaps you take physical notes for ideas in your songs and art work. You're definately a consumate artist on every level. What is your art manifest? Do you have a Mr. Gibb S.C.U.M. Manifesto?

JG: I agree with your analysis, I am ususaly very extroverted but can also be very quiet and observant. I don'' think i have a manifesto though, i mean I'm
sure i do, but i never put it into words or anything.I try not to put any imitations on what i can do either lyrically or even the medium in which I make
art. I try to make up my own rules for my art. But my rules are random and based on instinct you know?

VD: Not to get personal, but what is your background? Are you mulatto?, the product of former runaway slaves into Canada that just decided to pass for white because they were so high yellow. There is something that is soooo Negro about you. What do your parents do for a living?

JG: My dad is an accountant and my mom is a social worker,no i am not black at all I am almost 100% Scottish.But from like 150 years ago.

VD: Do you have sibblings? An older sister and a younger brother Have you
impregnated anyone lately.
JG: No but i was asked once and regret not doing it.
VD: I'm sure there are lots of ladies who would like to have your child. Even though i find you incredibly handsome. You're not an easy sell to most people.
Your looks are quirky, and those John Wayne Gacy eyes! Of course if you were a typical goodlooking man, you wouldn't have the scope and depth that you possess. You'd be happy to be anywhere. You're not that simple. Your're complicated. You remind of the 20th Century Fox contract player from the 40s John Payne. A little bit of him and the paramount pictures silent film star Richard Arlen, known for not wearing the awful pancake makeup of the day and going for a more natural look.
I take it that you came from this suburban background. I'm an urban gal, so i have a hard time understanding what its like in suburbia and then add to that suburbia in Canada. What do you care to relay about your childhood practices and yucky secrets. Are there abuse issues? Just kidding,unless there were, then give me the T!
JG:Never was abused at all in any way, In university though i kind of wanted something inapropriate to happen but no, nothing!!!!
VD:You must have been self possessed at an early age. Sure of your place in the world with a early visionary path laid before you. Of course having friends and playing hockey wasn't part of your tract. You knew you didn't fit in and you were right with that i'm sure.
JG: I knew i was different but as far as forseeing my future no. I really liked music that is all i knew.
VD: Are you doomed to be alone forever? At best you'll only have little tiny love affairs ----catch as catch can. No one will be able to handle your genius, and they will be a hinderance anyway. That fate use to bother me when i was younger, but now that I'm ancient, I've accepted it as my destiny. Something tells me that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s ,40s, 50s you won't mind that, its something you can easily accept as part of the overall package.

JG: Ok now i think this is you trying to project yourself on me. Or maybe I am denying my unavoidable fate? I am a very romantic guy and am very capable of being with one guy for a long time. Now the fact that i have been single for 2 years says another thing. I like to say that I am waiting for Mr Right and you can't produce
him when you want. He will just fall on your lap when you least expect it, and since i'm expecting this all the time it kind of foils my plans. It's also fun
being single and meeting guys all the time and fantacizing about a new guy every day.
VD: I find that part of the sacrifice of being a great artist is that you'll live life in an unconventional manner outside of the norms of regular society and its dictates. You're probably a little bit of a sex freak as well. I could see you being a jelly queen, or a jowls queen.
JG: what is a jelly queen! sounds fun. a jowls queen sounds fun too.
VD: getting into that kind of transgressive sexuality. Being with cute boys is phun, but can be a bit tedious and you are also so way beyond sex. Your religious background obviously plays a crucial role in your art. Your music is spiritual, your songs are anglo negro spirituals. You're really a modern day Paul Robeson-----so very Deep River. Of course get ready for the persecution that Paul Robeson received. Thats headed your way as well. I think you've girded your loins in preperation for all that will undoubtedly be unleased upon you once the fervor of your talents are upwinded into the mainstream consciousness. Your successes have been slow and steady, which i think is best. You won't burn out so quickly and won't suffer the backlash of the evil corporate media structure, that loves to make and break artists just for amusement. You're such a prestige artist. If this was the late 70s or early 80s you'd be signed to a major label like a Joan Armatrading and you'd be their prestige project that gives the label clout and shows that they aren't about just selling millions of records. I believe that you could also sell millions of records, and by not changing a thing in what you do. The music buying public is growing weary of the mediocre and i think you'll stand out and those heady millions will flock to you.
JG:I hink the public is getting dumber and dumber actuallly, just take a look at the degredation of punkrock, look at what teens are consuming right now it is
like a copy of a copy of a copy of something rebellious. IT sucks. is there even an underground? I don't think so
(to be continued)

11 HARROW HOUSE
McDonna has her big white Nina Blanchard panties all in a bunch over my relationship with Stuart Price who has helped the immaterial girl with her well orchestrated pop comebackula. My daliance with Mr. Price is really nothing for her to get Cameron Manheim steamrolled over. The lanky Mr. P just wants to work with my Berlin based post politikal/proto Marxist art band Ruth Fischer. I already let him know that I was working with producer Mickey One Haves of the Super 700, and that Stuart's production services were not needed. We can still be occasional pluck buddies though, as he has a nice cruel club caucasion cock. But Lady Ray of Unnatural Light also has dibs on his very hefty member, so she is on the war path with me both creatively and coitally. I’m sorry but Mrs. Ritchie needs to go back to her super well endowed husband, before he permanently retreats with that girl from the band Elastica. Am i gossiping? No i don't believe in gossip.
I hate people who are never satisfied with what they have. She wanted kids, and a big dick posh English husband (who pretends he's working class) and she has them, now appreciate it.
Remember people, No one wants to see a movie with Madonna in it.