JE T'AIME MOI NON PLUS
The Wonderful British art star Franko B and his hot young lover Kris Canavan are in Los Angeles visiting. Dadster Ron Athey cooked an incredible early summer meal at his compound in Silverlake in honor of Franko and Kris. In attendance was Ron's Swiss butch realness boyfriend Maxmillian whose birthday it was. Max is so handsome and humble that he didn't want a fuss made over his b'day. Max's gorgeous wife Taj was also at the soiree. Taj is the personal piercer and tatooist to the stars, and is responsible for all the tats and exotic piercings on Christina Aguilera and Janet Jackson. In fact it was Ms. Jackson's famed titty starburst that caused such a quandry at the Superbowl and Taj and her Melrose Avenue Studio were responsible for the brouhaha. Others at the party included The Mikulan/Ross' Sandra and Steven who are handsdown LA's sexiest husband and wife writing tag team, and costume designer Susan (Crepe Suzette) Matheson of the movies Friday Night Lights, Honey and crazy/beautiful with her cute yapitty and spoiled weiner dog, Fende Baguette.
Earlier in the day i took Franko and Kris to the updated Echo Park eatery The Brite Spot, and then we went to Amoeba Records and sauntered along Hollywood Blvd. On Thursday Franko was guest DJing at the Parlour Club, mixing a live dj set straight from his laptop and showing his enigmatic visuals including some films by Slava, his boyfriend Kris with Dominic Johnson and edited scenes from Ron Athey's new production, "The Judas Craddle"
Friday at Bricktops it was a Bebe Daniels Slutty Tart Party featuring voluptous fishnet floozy Anna Bells and from New York the wonderous Wau Wau Sisters, who really delighted the crowd with their acrobatic burlesque routines that are extremely unique, sophisticated and riveting, plus they are both a fine pair of good time sally's. The who's who in the crowd included Creekbird, Melissa Sexchester, Cory Marie, Sasha, Don Spiro, Augusta,Johnny Quale, Buttons Sinclair, Penny Starr Junior, Venus De Mille who will be performing next Friday and film actor Alan Cummings. Taxi Dancer Mary, Mary really kept the energy level of the crowd aces high, and was wearing a showgirl outfit that would have outdone the Great Ziegfeld.

DJ FAILURE
Got together with my sweet dear nieciela Morgan Rhodes, who works for Sony Pictures as a photo editor in the advertising department. Its always a hoot when us urban gals commence. And we had the bar area of El Coyote all to ourselves to whoop it up. There was a basketball game playing on the TV monitors and little did i know that Missy Morgana is a huge sports fan, yelling and screaming at the TV with the few other people and bar staff in the room. Of course i know nothing about basketball. Morgan is such an entrepreneur,----She makes her own inscents that are delectable, and gave me some samples of her brands that include a Billie Holliday label. Morgan also works as a stylist to some of the big named Urban music and black entertainment stars, so she is one busy in-demand lady.
Sunday was Professor Doyle's bruncheon which was quite a successful afternoon affair. Lots of eye candy to behold including her next door neighb and Cal Arts Film Student Jason with his cute little Korean pal, the hunky prince of Judea Josh Kun, who i'd like to give a steamy tongue bath to, and indie filmmaker Miguel Arleta(Chuck & Buck) Daddy Ron Athey and Crepe Suzette also made an appearance. The dadster is back from his UK tour of the Judas Crade which was very well received as can be expected. It was also nice seeing the great scholar and sexy butch Catherine Lord, Mark Simon, David Pendleton and Stephen as well as Julian Nitzberg with Rita D'Albert of La Lucha Voom fame.

WHERE OR WHEN?
Beautiful Bricktops how i delight in thee. One of the Parlour's bartenders, a gorgeous immaculate child of WASP wealth, brought his English pal who is a performance art student at UCLA to meet Madame Bricky. Well this young creature is the ultimate dream of the heavenly firmament, all peaches and cream complexion and full rose dust lips. The great lady was very much impressed with the radiant youth, who asked her for a dance, and they foxtrotted on the floor like it was a country cotillion. Warning to all young white boys: don't become involved with jungle temptresses, it can lead to an early demise.
Kristian Hoffman and Carolyn Edwards were the featured performers for the little Rodgers & Hart Johnny One Note party and they delivered a sweet R&H tag team singing affect, capturing the sophisticated nature of Lorenz Hart's lyrical interplay. Creekbird and pals also put on a show of shows, with a nice spirited appearance from that well endowed Gorilla who plays percussion in the band. Madame Bricky got carried away, and shrimped Creekbird's pretty boy feet. Mary,Mary and Miss Cory Marie, kept the energy levels frenzied with their wilde free style taxi dancing, and DJ Pirate Jenny outdid herself. Can't wait to attend the Pirate's late spring brunch at her Silverlake Compound.
The notables on hand included the sexy and dashing Sasha, NYC art czar Michael Waugh with his sweet artist galpal, songstress Rebecca Lynn, burlesque veterana Kitty Diggens, video artist Ming Ma, filmmaker/hunk Jedidiah Smith, Javier Peres of Peres Projects, and Daphne Guinness with Ronald Van der Hilst, the innovative Antwerp designer who created the new housing structure known as the brain hive.

THERE IS ELEGANCE IN REFUSAL
My favorite Diane Vreeland quote. Thats why i turned down some stupid TV people who wanted me to audition for a part on some tired program of theirs. I didn't leave them completely empty handed, i recommended they contact Jackie Beat.
Had dinner with handsome Frank Rodriguez my former Club Sucker partner who gave up his dayjob as a Sony Pictures exec to start his own business called Kustom Creative. Frank and i feasted at Chan Dara. Frank's new business venture is doing very well, and he seems more content now that he gave up the corporate grind. Frank is known as one of LA's most virile young men.
After dinner i went to the American Cinemateque at the Egyptian Theatre to see their program of rarities, which included footage of a very young Judy Garland singing a Will Rodgers tribute and also pristine 35 milimeter coverage of the 1933 Long Beach earthquake aftermath, and other gems like a Constance Bennett beauty spot, the text I appropriated in Berlin in 2001 during the performance piece Cheap Jewelry directed by Mark Siegel and Daniel Hendrickson.
Met up with Frank's business partner the sexyline Jeffrey Hilbert at The Spotlight for some late nite cocktail action. Jeffrey bought me a million Whiskey sours, and we made fun of the black hair queens parading about, and was joined later by famed film editor Billy Rich.

MOULES FRITES
A few weeks ago i wrote about Professor Jennifer Doyle taking me out to dinner at a new trendy eatery in Hollywood to celebrate my return to Los Ang from Manchester, England, but in my junior Alzheimic state i couldn't remember the name of the place, well now i have it for you----its called The Hungry Cat and this little seafood boite is the newest edition to the kingdom of chef David Lentz and his wife Suzanne Goin. The HC fits nicely with their Luques and A.O.C establishments.
This new charming eatery is located in the corner of the courtyard between the Borders Bookseller and Schwaabs Diner on Vine Street and is part of this mega complex which also houses a tired Bed, Bath & Beyond and designy apartments. Both the Doyle and I were shamelessly oogling the eye candy male wait staff and serving them double entendres. You get the two of us together and mischief rules. The good professor told me she has been seeing the indie director Miguel Arleta who helmed the films "Chuck & Buck" and "The Good Girl" M. Arleta is South American via Puerto Rico and his last relationship was with the performance artist/filmmaker Miranda July, so perhaps he can handle the sexy dynamo that is "The Doyle"
Also forgot to mention that the famous Whirly Girl Bicycle Collective stopped by en masse at Bricktops last Friday adding a whimsical flavour to the frivolities. I love this group----they are singlehandedly leading the revolution against ugly selfish SUVS to the divine countenance of peddle nation. KATOU!!
A group of my University of Manchester students got together and surprised me with a long distance phone call. It was juicy hearing from them. All my love and kissy kissat goes out to baby dykes Tessa & Lisa, and baby dyke boys Niven and Phil. Phil is coming to Los Angeles in August for a visit. Andrew of Gould and Lenny the young Elder have graciously accepted the duties of hosting them since i live in a shoe box.

GNADIGE FRAU
Before punk rock i only listened to Classical music and pre-rock n roll standards. That is why my doing Club Bricktops holds such special meaning for me. The past week i've been going to the Laemmle Fairfax theatre to see their special musical showings. I saw Pal Joey starring Frank Sinatra as a long on the tooth male concubine being kept by a gorgeous equally long toothed Rita Hayworth. Kim Novak also starred in this flick from the late 50s. Kim, the lavender haired blondine is really a curiosity to me, with that imperious facial expression she wore all the time, and that upturned brow. She was really good in Bell, Book & Candle. I was going to stay and watch Guys and Dolls, but i just didn't have enough energy for it. I came back a few days later to see My Fair Lady and Gigi. There is one really cute blonde boy that works behind the counter who i'd like to chew and plow, if he'd let me.
***
Bricktops Buzz Berkeley Nite was sensational. The Ditty Bops made a triumphant return to the club after months of touring with The Dresdon Dolls and Nancy Sinatra. Amanda looked so cute with her outrageous candy red bob. Too bad her queeny hairdresser had to come along. He and his little entourage of tired homosexuals were just the ickiest creatures. Alex my bear daddy door man said that this hair hopper wound up getting into a row with some girl, and had to be removed from the premises. He must have been taking crystal meth or perhaps a mood altering pychotropic perscription medication that so many "gays" who can't cope with life, seem to be taking.
Newcomer Maryea Boylan was also very enchanting. Maryea is a brain scientist by day and vaudevillian by night. Too bad she is accompanied by that shrill showboater Brad Kay. She seemed to keep him on a tight leash on stage--but poor Andrew who was doing the sound, had to deal with his poovah behavior.
Mary, Mary and Sasha were wonderful as the evenings taxi dancers. They kept the energy aces high, and looked incredible. I adore them. Cory Marie was selling her new limited edition Ditty Bops poster---and it was a big hit. Cory is a rising young art star that the world will have to reckon with.
Celebutants in the audience included the divine, Janet Klein, who looks younger and younger every time i see her. Delectable Bricktops regulars Shauna Leone, Melissa Sexchester, Amy O'Neill, Mr. Uncertain with his no eyebrow look, a deliciously sultry Jean Spinosa, Marquis of Hobo Jazz, Jim Elkington of the Zincs and Conrad Keely and Kevin Allen of the Texas band,You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, who were fighting over sexy DJ Pirate Jenny---no man can resist her.
***
Sunday evening i went to a very casual, private BBQ over at Jeffreyland Hilberts Koreatown compound. Jeffrey's beau Ozzmatli made the most scrumpteous salsa,guacamole and home made chips. The specially sauteed chicken and fish tacos were divine. It was nice seeing my ex-Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez, his humpy ginger lover "P", who got kicked out of his Hollywood apartment by the Scientologists, Enrique the hip Flip, who hilariously takes being a status queen to scintilating new heights, Raul Rules and Perry, who use to work at ICM and was telling me all about growing up in John Water's Baltimore, which is something i didn't know about him. I'm glad i forced myself to go out on a social outing. The older I get the more i can't stand being around anyone. I'm deep down an introvert and complete loner just like my mother.
Doug Gordon came down from Norther California to empty the last items in his storage unit, and gave me his giant screen computer monitor which i just love love love. Doug's mother left him all this furniture that had been in their family since they came to this country on the Mayflower. Doug sold it to Southeby's and now has enough money to buy himself a house.

NEW SUN IN THE SKY
Had brunch with Edith "head" Gonzales at The Pantry downtown. I adore Edith, she's one of the true blue ones. Her marriage to Steve Human of the Vandals fame seems to be rocky once more. They have a beautiful tow headed little girl, and Edith is step mom to Steve's gorgeous 18 year old son from a previous relationship. When i see my good friends having a hard time making their lesbianic domesticity work, i'm glad that i've never had a long term relationship----its sooooo not worth it.

Last night i went out Margarita drinking at Casita, welcoming Eddie G back to LA from Montreal. Eddie was my beautiful nazi skinhead doorman from Club Sucker and the star of my film "The White To Be Angry". He looked amazing. Eddie is one of the worlds best kissers, and i've heard he can suck the rust off a cock.
Went back to the Fairfax Laemmle for their musical tributata. Saw Fred Astaire in lady Vincente Minnelli's The Bandwagon and Easter Parade with Judy Judy Judy. I've never seen Easter Parade in a movie theatre. It really holds up, and is surprisingly not that dated as musicals go. Well it is dated and not dated at the same time, if you know what i mean. Can't wait to see Pal Joey, and Gigi.

CHRISTINE CARERE
Went by the Spotlight and missed Michael Waugh, the great great grandson of writer Evelyn Waugh(Brideshead Revisited) He's supposed to come by Bricktops Friday, but something tells me his romantic piccadilos with some well endowed LA hunkasauruses will prevent his appearance.
Friday's Cole Porter Love For Sale night at Bricktops was magnifique. Chanteuse Anna Biller with Jerod Sanford,accompanied by a gifted ivory tinkler, Wynn Myerson put on quite a show of shows, and Buttons Sinclair and Shauna Leone were taxi dancing like it was going out of shiny shiny. DJ Pirate Jenny was also in finala form. The celebutants in the audience included the curvy singer Abby Travis and handsome beau in tow, designer Michael Schmidt with former matinee idol Mickey Roarke, who was such a good sport as Madame Bricktops mocked his plastic surgery victim look from the stage. Also stopping by was Marquis de Gris and Mattvin of the Hobo Jazz Band, Melissa Sexchester,John Quayle celebrating his birthday, Jean Spinosa looking as fetching as ever, heiress Andrew Sears, art historian Robert Summers who is the nephew of County Supervisor Gloria Molina, and video art star Ming Ma. The Persian tranny temptress Parisa was locking jaws with Brandon Flowers of the Killers, and also with various members of the Brit band Bloc Party.
Sunday i went to the Laemmle Fairfax to see 7 Brides For 7 Bros and Showboat starring the great Ava Gardner. It was a perfect way to escape the unseasonably warm weather. Had lunch at Farmers Market and was cruised by the comedian Howie Mandel and director John Landis(An American Werewolf in London) Didn't know that they had suger in their tanks, maybe they don't, and innocently clocked me as an out of drag tranny and wanted to simply hit some of my racehorse arse. Who could blame them or any man for that.

A NEW QUARDRANGLE
I hope the skater bio pic "Lords of Dogtown" starring that juicy Victor Rasuk doesn't gloss over Tony Alva's drag queen and tranny chasing forays. Back in the 1980's when i lived at the Via Rosa on Sunset i had me a lot of fun with Mr. Alva and Max Perlich, the skate rat turned movie and TV character actor.
***
Buttons Sinclair took me to lunch downtown at the LA FishMart on 6th and Central, one of this cities most dynamic working class hangs.
Mark Simon of the Samuel French Booksellers invited me along with The Boyfriends to the Harold Arlen trib at the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences. Michael "Too short and Queeny" Feinstein was the hostess. She's a good cabaret singer, but is a little too shticky for my tastes. The late Bobby Short was much more edgier. I enjoyed seeing Fayard Nicholas of the famed Nicholas Bros and a dapper looking Tony Martin with his legendary dancer wife Cyd Charrisse. The queen of apple cheekdom, Mitzi Gaynor in a white pantsuit and orange ruffey tan proved she is still a horny good time Sally coyly throwing down some dirt on ex-lover Howard Hughes while purring and acting all buttery.

ISABELLE HUPERT
Stars as Ma Mere, in this film version of the Georges Bataille novel. Never has a movie been so universally panned by the critics. Every review i've read has hated this film. Of course that made me like it even more. Louis Garrel, the beautiful young actor who was in Bertalucci's, The Dreamers last year plays the melancholiate teenage boy, and in one scene on the sand dunes, a perfectly nude Garrel starts to cruise a sizzling nipple boy who is with two icky queens, and i wish that little slice had been carried out to fruition.
Madame Isabelle as the libertine mamma,is utterly breathtaking, with cold eyes and freckled skin. While watching the movie i kept thinking of Bertalucci's La Luna with Jill Clayburgh, who seduces her 15 year old junky son. I want more incest movies, and i want them NOW!!!!
***
Took my young husband Andrew of Gould, out for a belated birthday dinner to this vegan restaurant on Orlando and Beverly. Great food, and at least one piece of eye candy sitting at a table across from us. Before i arrived at the restaurant i noticed that the tired mall, the beverly connection is no longer there. The movies theatres and everything have been destroyed. i wish they'd do the same with the Beverly Center and Ma Maison Softel across the street from it.

Sunday i went to visit Paul "Whitey" Glynn of the legendary Melrose Avenue deadstock boutique CowBoys and Poodles. Paul and his business partner Phil Heath, re-emerged about a decade ago on Beverly Blvd near Fairfax with a gorgeous new store called Re-Mix. They carry a lot of never worn vintage clothing, shoes and accessories. They've even set up shop in the reproduction of vintage women and men shoes, and of course everything looks deliciously presented with a conceptual eye that is both classy and edgy. I've known Paul and Phil for over 20 years, since i was a weenager, and they are definately two of LA's unheralded treasures of creativity and style. Paul is originally from Detroit and is very motown in his view of life, never ceasing to make you bust up laughing with his light skinned Negro humour.

KOALA PATURE
My welcome back Kotter return to Los Ang pre-Bricky party at Andrew of Gould's compound was delisha! Andrew created a dazzling display of munchables and i was able to soak in the love of the Moveable Feast Children: Miss Mary, Cory Marie, Sasha, Jean Spinosa and sweet South American crooner Jose Promis, who performed at Bricktops singing some of his original songs. The chill'en brought me gifts of the spirit---Missy Jean presented the doll with a plant of life, Miss Mary, the blood wine of the Christ and Miss Cory Marie, some specially designed Vagimule stationary and business cards. A merry time was had by all.

Later at Bricktops, Jose caused everyone in the crowd to swoon and Anna Bells the Fishnet Floozy seduced with those sexy dance moves and flawless breastage. The celebs in the audience included luscious Abby Travis, Japan's Erotika Bamboo, Jason el Norte, heiress Andrew Sears and beau, the hunky singer Daniel Cartier from NYC, designer Shauna Leone, Danish film star Nikolaj Lie Kaas, French director Benoit Jacquot(School of Flesh)with gallic actrice Isild Le Besco(Sade)dorky author Jonathan Safran Foer(Everything is Illuminated) and his lesbianic wife the novelist Nicole Krauss who was trying to get frisky with pretty movement artist Jean Spinosa.

TEMPLE DRAKE
The young, talented novelist Tristan Egolf committed suicide the other day. I had a brief tryst with him ages ago. He was very goodlooking, and troubled. The kind of straight boy i always seem to attract. And as usual, if you wind up having sex with Vaginal Davis, you will sooner or later kill yourself. That is my legacy.

CHAV-ALANCHE
Received a cute email from Pete Dougherty with this beautiful poem that i shall share with you:

I knew a simple soldier boy
who grew through life with empty joy
slept soundly through the lonesome dark
whistled early with the lark

and in winter trenches cowed and glum
with cramps and lice and lack of rum
he put a bullet through his brain
and no one spoke of him again

Assmug-faced crowds of kindling eye
who cheer as soldier boys march by
sneak home and pray you'll never know
the hell where youth and
laughter go

***
saw the Orlando Bloom film Kingdom of Heaven. Orlando is so dreamy, and he and Eva Green make a cute couple. Nice epic as epics go. Lando can meet me at the top of my legs when he tires of bland Kate Bosworth. Was in a filmgoing state this week. I also saw Palindrones, the new Todd Solendz movie, and devoured it. The Luis Bunuel casting approach of having 45 different people play the lead was a stroke of geniustrata. I also adored The HItchhikers Guide to the Universe which showcased a very well hungula Sam Rockwell. Now i was the first person to scoop that Sammy boy was endowedith over two years ago, but of course no one wants to give me any credit.

Andrew of Gould made a delicious welcome home dinner of the vegan variety. My young British husband is the only one who really loves me unconditionally. I'm a very lucky girla.

LETTER FROM AN UNKNOWN WO-MAN
Actually its a letter from my pretty little Dom Johnson who is living it up in New York City for a few months. Here is what he has to say:

Hey Miss Thing,

Hope you are OK - sorry I haven't been in touch for so long. Really loving New
York and can't believe I only have a month to go before I am back in London.
Have been keeping up to date with your shenanigans on you Blog, such a useful
invention. Sounds like you are having a ball and meeting lots of people, wish I
coulod be there to see your piece at Contact Theatre. Have heard only good
things about you and Ron and everyone at Queer Visualities from friends who
travelled up from London. Gutted that I will miss Ron's Cradle of Judy. Will
you be there for the London performance with the party? When are you back?

New York is just great. Spending a lot of time with Slava, and his BF Brian,
who
is a hot young hip-hop white boy homo wigger (he's 22, and wears a do-rag).
He's very sweet and has a big big dick, apparently. I've seen him dance go-go a
few times and he sure can shake his moneymaker. Slava is great, though a bit
down over work stuff, which accentuates his lovable melancholic side. I have
been spending a couple of days a week with Penny Arcade, who is a strange
fruit, and has been telling me weird and wonderful stories about the heyday of
New York's downtown art scene. She rants and is a real nostalgic, and has a few
giant bones to pick with contemporary culture, which I find exciting and more
than amusing.

Getting quite a lot of work done and sitting in cafes a lot, reading, drinking
coffee and looking at boys. I love the fact that I am being paid to do this,
though honestly I get a little anxious that I should be doing more GENUINE work
(what does that mean?), but then I realise that in my own little way I actually
am.

I am living in a straight boy student house in the East Village which is both
great (location, room size) and slightly depressing (straight, long haired boys
who don't talk to me much, one expecially is monosyllabic, but not sure if it
his nature or if he just hates fags). I think I alienated myself by moving in
wearing my THE REVOLUTION IS MY BOYFRIEND T-shirt that Slava gave me for my
birthday, and by playing homo-ish music on my laptop and filling the bathroom
with toiletries and the kitchen with vegetarianism. Ho hum, at least the cat
(John) has taken a shine to me. Not that his feline affection is welcome, cats
are stinky and he chews on my belongings when I'm not looking. There is also an
albino rabbit (vile), but he lives in a cage in the lounge and so we stay out
of each other's way pretty easily. Have had some sex, but no fireworks. Also as
far as I can work it out Sam and me are no more (Boo). And that, as they say,
was that.

Would love to hear from you when you get a chance - know you must be crazily
busy.

There's a possibility I might be coming out West in August - been invited to do
a paper as part of a series at Berkeley organised by a hot yound lecturer that
I was on a panel with at Brown. Fingers crossed it works out and I can nip down
to LA from San Fran!

Big Kiss,
D x x x

CHAVESTITE
My last day in man!chesta uber alles with the performance of "The Maladjusted Rule"
goes off hitch free. The kids really gave it their all, and i'm proud of them. The final results---brilliantine---just granada! beyond Asbury Park! It was an evening where shtars and un-born cock was slurped and digested in heavy gulps. The heavenly firmament welcomed a cast of bright, young things.
How i managed to get through a week of a swollen foot, knock knees and rusty joiners is beyond me. I'm going to miss my cast of lovely children from a lesser god. All my kissy kisstalkneys and love go out to Tessa, Lisa, Theo, Phil, Niv, Empress Jaheda, Joseph "Joey" Hateley and my phd girls: Es and Lou-Lou. Specially thanks to project manager "Nervous" Jenny Sutton, Anna, the beautiful Belgian tech girl, support staff bootie pie Mark, gentle giant Rowan, Patrick Collins, Keith, and that hot half caste stunner Barkery, who didn't work on my piece, but provided me with occasional eye candy in the Sofa Cafe at the Contact Theatre.
Had a drink after the show and met the sweet parents of Tess and Niven. I must have terrorized Niv's 16 year old ginger brother when i attacked him in the audience, but i couldn't help my self he's so damn cute and fine with that ultra white peaches n' cream complexion and lips of vermillion.
Thank god for Andrea, my low energy Milanese via London assistant who helped me get through the last days of mancun disqo. We couldn't wait to get back to our lovely little suite at the Mal Maison. In the lobby i was approached by junky rocker Pete Doherty, ex of the Libertines, and his supermodel girlie friend Kate Moss. Pete gave me a big hug and kiss on the lips, the cheeky Irishman even gave me a little quick tongue action--which really shocked me, and i'm hard to shock. Good natured missy Kate Moss just laughed it off. I guess she's use to the antics of her polymorphously perverse former rent boy beau. I've known Kate since 1998 when i hosted Playing With Matches in New York with Beck and Yoko Ono, and she's one down-to-earth super mannequin. You can take the girl from Croyden, but you can't take the Croyden out of the girl . . .Peter is a also a lot taller then i expected. He's about 6'4".
The hunky swimmers built hotel doorman, Graham who hails from South Afrika, had been flirting with me since i arrived in early april. We finally got to consumate the hairy eyeballing. Graham saw my picture in the Guardian, and said i was striking as a woman. When he got off duty he came by my room, luckily Andrea was sound a sleep, so we went into the loo and i gave him a tongue bath he won't soon forget. The boy is stacked with a body that is mega perfect! Ass, feet, calves, thighs, chest and gigantic apartheid genitalia. yummmy, what a nice way to end my stay in the UK.

NOTE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT: please rid yourself of that claustrophobic mall/waiting room. its evil. Stood next to the material girl herself---- McDonna, or is she still going by her Kaballah name of Esther Mordacai?

BARONESS BRENDA HALE
emailed me that she is going to come to my workshop performance "The Maladjustment Rules" at the Contact Theatre tomorrow. The Baroness is the first female law Lord, and one of my biggest fans and supporters in Great Britain. Did a dress rehearsal with a small audience, and things went really well. I had to do one of my nuclear dookies in the dressing room loo, and to rid the lavatory of my unearthly stank,i lit some toilet paper on fire and it caused the overly sensitive alarm system
to go off, with three fire trucks and one police van that came to take me away. Contact Theatre treated the cast to a wonderful Indian dinner--yowza! Andrea came down from London to help me with the piece, thank god i really need him. My knees are rattling and my foot is a little swollen. I'm a delicate creature to be sure.
Feminists Julie Burchill and Julie Bindel both emailed me after coming to Bricktops Friday. They wanted to know when i would be hosting the club again. I explained that i was in Manchester and would be back in Los Ang on Sunday.

MR ZADIE SMITH
. . .and prize winning poet Nick Laird was at Bricktops last week, with pop ingenue Jonathan Rice. I love getting emugs from the Bricky's kids filling me in on all the ondine, while i'm away.
Well, my manchesty trip is coming to a close. Last night at the workshop we put all the parts together in this piece we've been working so diligently on, and i'm happy to report it all seems to gel. I'm very proud of my workshop participants who are a talented and awe inspiring bunch.
Too bad i can't report success with my gaydar date last night. Thank god i went to meet him at a bar, and not at the hotel. The picture he sent online was from 64 years ago. I'm more bemused then upset.

MERSEY BULWARK
Had a nice greasy spoon breakfast at my favorite city center nook. Ran into Dr. Monica and had a chittle chat with her, also received a phone call from Amelia Jones who was having another margarita party at her gorgeous edwardian home in Chorlton. Was hoping to get-to-gether for some buttery sexing with that giant ginger bmx racer dude, but he was a no show (of course) Andrew of Gould created a profile for me on Gaydar, but i'm finding it a bust.
Wound up taking a stroll and met two pals, one recognized me from when i was on that Ruby Wax special. This boy has a good memory as that was way over ten years ago. He invited me to have a drink and i spent the rest of the bank hoiday with him and his saucy mate Simon bar-har hoping. We went to the unfortunately named Queer Bar, which was one of the saddest twinky joints i've ever been in, with the worse music and young boys who were so affected with that awful half faux hawk, half mullet hairdo that everyone seems to be wearing these days. Even some lesbians had a variation of this coif. You can forgive the young people for such bad judgement, but when i see someone 35+ also wearing this style i have to let out a great big groan.
Tuesday morn emailed my article to Zoo Magazine in sections. The tired computer at the hotel was not working very well and had to finish at the nearby internet cafe. i always have the worse luck.
Workshop with students today will be grueling as we only have a few more days before our performance on Saturday. Something tells me that on my last week in manchesty i won't be getting much sleep.

FARRINGDON
Got a note sent to me from Los Ang that cute, sexy and adorable Nick Atkinson of the band Rooster was at Bricktops on Friday, and also the first supermodel Janice Dickenson has been coming every week since i've been in manchesty. Now Janice is a good time Sally of the olde school, so i'm sure she's been in riotious behavior mode.
Saturday no workshop so i got to sleep in and have some time to myself. Early in the eve i did go back to the Contact Theatre to see my co-facilitator Joey Hateley's work-in-progress, "Dirty" that was presented as part of a trio of new works. Joey is a handsome young dyke, extremely delicious and talented and her performance piece shows extreme promise. She could become the new Jean Genet. "Dirty" reminded me of Genet's "The Balcony". It was nice to socialize with the cast members of my workshop and Joey's performance.
A giant group of us attacked the gaia village which was very sweet. We started off at Mantos which on the bottom floor was playing very icky loud techno. The third floor was funk musica, and that was great, but the room was like being in a sauna so i couldn't handle it. Then we went to a lounge to drink some more and i got very tipsy, too tipsy for my own good. We then made our way to a little dance spot called Tribeca which was playing some soul and funkadelic---i even danced a whiff. One of Joey's actors has a hot Basque boyfriend who was really turning me on---he's tall, lean and muscular with full lips a pronounced nose and gorgeous hair collick. i was flirting with him all night. The last stop of the evening was a giant dance club called Essentials. The 25 plus group of us sortof split up at this point, with some people going into the danceparty and others going off to an impromptu houseparty. I was following the group to the house, and stopped to tie my shoe and got lost. At this point it was after 3am, so i decided to just find my way back to my hotelry for a good night sleep.
Sunday i spent time with Andrew and Charity's lovely friend Ava. It was delightful hanging out with her exploring the old industrial buildings of the north quarter. She's such a sweet little lass. We then went to the famous Temple of Convenience which is a converted public toilet that is now a pub. Great vibe and some cute rock star looking boys with perfect noses and tight bodies. Ava and i finished our evening at the Gaia Vill'age watching the parade of fools, and then getting a snack at a kabob hause that made one of the best felafels i've ever tasted. yum and yum alike.

AFFLECK'S PALACE
I forgot to mention i ventured to this old school Melrose Avenue in a manor emporium in the Northern Quarter. Call it the house where Ben Affleck comes to get his guiche pierced and find virile men with twitchy itchy bare knuckles for a proper fisting session. yowzina!
Was interviewed by one of Amelia's top phd students Kevin, to help with a project he is working on. Kevin is a charming soft spoken Jamaican man with dredlocks who doesn't smoke the ganja---god love him. He took me out for tea at the aptly named Cornerhause Gallery Cafe on Oxford Street Road and we had an amazing sistah2sistah, diary of a mad black woman chatalina. Kevin and his dinge queen lover have been a couple for over 15 years, and besides working on his doctorate, Kevin is an accomplished sculptor who receives regular commissioned assignments and owns his own home near Amelia Jones in the Chorlton area.
Yesterday was day four of the Maladjustment Rule workshop and its coming in to its own special Stella Getting Her Groove. Perhaps after Monday's bank holiday we'll be able to put the pieces of the puzzlette together and map out some tech. After Wednesdays sesh i hung out with the gorgeous baby dyke couple Lisa & Tess and their ten roommates in the campus dorm. Boy i'm glad my undergrad days are way over. I certainly would not want to be a young student again. I enjoy teaching occassionally, but a fulltime career in academia isn't my cup of formadaliptic tea.
Had lunch at Loves Saves the Day and shared a table with a paraplegic theatre actor and director who is putting on a show called "The Last Freakshow" at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester. Would love to see his performance, but its during the most critical time of preparing my piece, so i think i'll miss it. We exchanged information and if i bring Visions of Excess to his hometown of Edinburough, Scotland i'd love to include him. His eyes bugged out when i mentioned the Goddess Bunny.

ANEGADA
On my third day of workshops with the students. A great bunch all of them. Lou and Es are Phd students, Es is in a band. Phil is a young boy who has worked with disabled children and has travelled quite a bit in Europe and the US. Tess and Lisa are hot lovers in the Wendy & Lisa School of Joan Jett Rocker chick love. Very hot hot hot hot. Jaheda is a beautiful young lady from Bangladesh, intelligent, strong and resourceful. She led us in an excercise involving Muslim prayer rituals that was just genius. Theodore is from Athens Greece and is really giving his all--he could emerge as the star of the show. We've all bonded rather quickly, and its been delightful seeing what is taking place in a natural organic fashion.

And talk about multi-cultural. The diversity is true and not token. Even though i'm an anglophile. There are still a lot of British phrases and words that leave me stumped, so i'm learning a lot in this process. The physical intensity has my old creaky bones rattled. I'm really delicate. My co-facilitators Joey and Niven are just supurb in everything they say and do, and without them i'd be soooo lost.

American and British English are sooooooo different, and once you through in the slang factor. ouch. I'm having a hard time keeping up. hopefully i'm losing a lot of weight with all this physical activity and mental pumping.

CORNING GAME HEN
Friday i went to the Museum of Science and Industry. Didn't know man!chesty was a science and technology mecca. The industrial revolution was born here---they produced the first steamer and railway station circa 1830. Even the atom was first split in Manchester. ah, what a history.
Watched a program on the telly about the scandalous Duchess of Argyle and the notorious headless man in a series of porno photos. The famous headless man turned out to be Douglas Fairbanks Jr. You get your gnut Duchess.
Ran into professor Da-vid and his beautiful latin lover, also Dr. Monica Pearl and her cute daughter Vita Sackville-West.
Was interviewed by two British magazines via email. One asked some great questions, but the other just wanted to get some dirt on my cousin, the US secretary of state Condi Rice.
Saturday i met a beautiful top heavy Columbian boy with full lips of vermillion, bubble butt and big feet. Took him back to my hotel and plowed him silly. Very hot hot hot kid.
Luckily on Sunday morning my builder boy had to cancel our picnic plans as he had to spend time with his two children. I was able to sleep in really late from my sex date the night before with the muscle headed Columbian.
***
Walked all the way to Professor Amelia Jones' house for din din. Nice trot, and i got to see a different part of the city. Amelia's house is gigantic and gorgeous! Built in 1910 and filled with art pieces from Judy Chicago to Annie Sprinkle. Her children are beautiful. A little girl named Vita Sackville-West and a Jodie Foster in Freaky Friday looking boy named Evan. Joining us for dinner was Amelia's wild eyed friend Vanessa who had to leave early as she had a date with my favorite British actor Christopher Eccleston. Vanessa came with her ex boyfriend the performance artist Tam Hinton who just performed at the Greenroom performance lab doing a solo piece called The Naked Soul of Kirk Godless-part one. Tam is very sexy, i'd love to give him a tongue bath all over his shiny white body.
Vanessa also brought her pretty son Leon who has long dark hair and is best friends with Amelia's son Evan. Leon reminded me of Beck's brother Channing when he was that age. The meal was fantastic, Amelia is quite a hostess who knows how to make kill dozer margaritas that really quench the G-spot.

CHAV/CHAVETTE
I really seem to attract a certain type of boy here in man!chesty. Went to the Great Northern Railway Company where there is an AMC cineplexy and before i caught the flicker, a boiling boy of the most ultimate sauciness was trying to snap me inside the loo. Wasn't sure if he was a concubine or not. he was wearing the standard issue geezer uniform: Burburry cap, shiny track stripy jumper with pant, Rockports, the works. At least he wasn't donning those Reebok classic trainers, that would have been Skal overkill. His bum was rounded perfection, and that lump in his crotch held promise and fullfillment. His beautiful pale skin glowed---what a sight for Cornelius or better my john wayne gacy hairy eyeballs. yowza yowza yu!!!!
Caught the movie "Sahara" starring Matthew "I never bathe" McConaughy, his Spanish bird, former beard of Tom Cruise---Penelope Cruize and that darling trotter Steve Zahn, who is sezy in a wierd dufusy way and a laugh riot. William h. Macy was playing his atypical Macy role, and the surprise was a fantastic Glynn Turman, who use to be mr Aretha Franklin in too brief supporting role. The pic was entertaining in that Alan Quartermain zesty way. Outside of the theatre was a sign that said Virgin Active. Thats me all the way--jfk!
In the courtyard at the Bar 38, was the M-TV program TRL interviewing the Brazilian footballer Rio Ferdinand, who is a half caste braided and a bit weasle looking in person. He looks cuter in photos.
2 nite i'm going to try and catch Kiki & Herb at The Mint Lounge on Oldham Street.
Andrea Novarin will come back Monday to help me with the workshops.

GREEN DOLPHIN STREET
First formal meeting with my Maladjusted Rule artistic tag team consisting of Contact Theatre's pretty project manager Jennie Sutton, a sweet good time sally who reminds me of Anne Marie of Birmingham's Fierce Festival, handsome no nonsense dyke Joey Hateley, and writer/performer/expert outreacher, the lovely Niven Ganner. I immediately wanted to adopt them as my very own children. I'm old enough to be their grams, three times over. Its so invigorating to be around such radiant youth. I'm sure i'll be learning more from them, then i could possibly teach. The prospects are thrilling.
Contact theatre's happy-go-lucky cutup, and General Mgr Keith introduces me to the Divine Da-vid. He's such a humble starina, that i didn't recognize him. Niven was the one who made his identity known to me. Simon Casson of London's Ducky, has told me so many wonderful stories of their working relationship, i feel like we're old pals. The Divine one will be creating an "I never promised you a rose garden" spring tranquility installation. Can't wait to delight in its promise.
After a few hours of brainstorming with my rock steady crew, Niven took me to the gay villa'ge to a nifty olde fashioned tavern to throw back some pints. A middle aged power dagger who reminded me of Agnes Moorehead was flirting with me. Those butch bottoms can smell a femme top from a football field away. Miss Moorehead was hilarious. Our young bartender was cute, but very blase. Keith, Divine Da-vid and his dapper friend Robert joined us for a bit. A raucaus high spirited time was had by all.
Niven walked me back to the the Mal Maison (Bad House) hotel. Professor Amelia Jones called inviting me to supper on Sunday evening. No word from my skally lad, so i felt a bit rejected. Niven kept me company and told me about the neo nazi's that cruise the canal hoping to toss faggots into the murky water. Niv had to leave and catch his train back to the next county. Both Joey and Niv are perfect in every way, and so adorable. Why aren't Americans personable like the British?
Figuring i was stood up by my beau, i decided to do some push-ups, sit-ups and take a long hot penetrating steam bath. I watched the American drama Desperate Housewives which is actually quite cute. I don't own a TV so when i travel its always a treat to vegetate and watch the boobula tube. I was just immersed in this documentary about the boy banda Take That, when the phone rings and its my boo, apologizing for calling so late, but his baby's momma made a surprise visit with his two kids. Of course it only makes perfect sense that i would find a man who has been with wo-men. Story of my natural borne life. Well, did i want some prissy hair hopper of a fagula who wears too much cologne? My boy drives over from suburbia and he commenses to toss my salad like its his destiny fullfilled. He can't get enough of "the dolls" bubble asstrovar. After my whoregasm i send him on his merry way. I won't allow him busting a gnut, not on my time, i make tentative plans to have a picknic sunday afternoon at the lush park where the costume museo is.

MANCUN PRECTORIATE
I'm glad i'm staying in the city centre i can easily walk any and everywhere. Went with my Italian born intern Andrea Novarin to a crappy sauna off of Canal Street called H2O that was filled with the fathers of trolls and andalusian gargoyles. The only one of interest in the place was a muscleheaded skin who worked behind the counter.
In the Northern Quarter we discovered another sauna called The Basement. The place was filled with totty's. i wound up in a scene with five blondines who were young and tight---like a gash, like a wound----my entire binocer cavity was ravaged, as well as my 3 inch cashew and bungers. Everything is still a little sore to-day. I'll be returning to that juice cellar on the weekend.
Got some good press out of the Guardian and this lesbiana glossy called Diva Magazine, which features an interview i don't remember giving. I guess i'm ready to replace Catherine Denueve as the latest saaphic icon.

***
Today is Tuesday and I've turned into the ultimate walker. Went all the way down Oxford Street past the University into the Arab and East Asian District. Found a delightful park and soaked up the gamma rays. Actually enjoyed the sun for a change. Went to the history of costume museo that features clothing from the 18th Century all the way to the present. My favorite periods being Regency, Edwardian and the jazz age.

LOVE SAVES THE DAY
is the name of the great little restaurant Andrea and i went to. Professor Monika Pearl took us to breaky at a little greasy spoon and told us about LSTD and the marvelous Oldham Street.
Found the post office and its raining AGAIN---not so bad, it kind of comes down like a spritzer, very refreshing. i'm actually loving man!chester and all the very cute bubble butt boys prancing about. yum yum and then more yum. Andrea returns to london, but will come back later on the day i put on the happening with the students.

SKALLY LAD
Got laid by a Mike Skinner of the Streets look-a-like. A working class bloke, occupation: Builder. And great building is what he did, munching down on my garden salad like Gary Cooper in the Fountainhead.
Instead of bringing him back to my hotel, i went to his place, a council estate in the suburb that Andrew of Gould warned me was the roughest in all of Britain. Very much like the new BBC drama Shameless. Me and my laddy have a tentative date for Wednesday. Lets hope it leads to something.
My assistant Andrea Novarin, who is Italian but has been living in London for the past six years came to Manchester to help me. Andrea is so low energy sometimes its like he's not even there. I'm quoting Ron Athey in that description of Andrea. Sweet Andreas really has been a big help to me.

ALL THE WAY WITH MICHAEL OWEN
My performances at the Contact Theatre were very well received. i did a 7pm and 9pm show. i felt i wasn't very effective at the first show, but after drinking i got better for the second. The video equipment kind of made my underground ouvre look sloppier then it really is, oh welp. We had a tech rehearsal, but it didn't seem like it. My shows sold out, and there was even ticket scalpers. how's that for being under the radar.
The contact theatre's miss jenny is auditioning students for my workshops. i plan on putting together a happening in the style of yayoi kusama, the crazy polka dot japanese artist. who knows what will happen as i pimp out the youth of manchester divided.
i'm still feeling a little jet lagged. Saturday i attended the conference and the programs were actually hot. Catherine Lord ruled with a presentation on St. Valerie Solanis, and of course Jennifer Doyle, Jose Munoz, Daddy Athey and Julianna Snapper showed everyone how it is properly done. Kudos for organizers Amelia Jones and Laura Doan. The after party at Cornerhouse was wild and fun, and then we were taken to a delicious Chinese dinner at the Palace and a hot young academic took us to a sexy little bar for more drinks. As i write this i'm very very drunka.

MAN!CHESTER DELIGHTED
-On the Pitch-
Flight to England Rocky and rough, i screamed out loud 5 times terrorizing everyone on a plane filled with children. Thank god professor Jennifer Doyle was also on board, and made me delicious sandwiches and homemade cornbread. Sat next to a very nice, talkative British lady and an Israeli man who snored like he has sleep apnea.
Cute young boy wearing Tiva sandles with big feet across from me. Yum. Love Virgin Atlantic--by far the best airline in the world.
Ma Maison Hotelry in the city ctr is a cutesy boutique configuration. i'm half sleep and half awake as the queeny man at the desk checks me in. Barely arrived and i'm already bombarded with invites and proposals. A very rich gent named Hugh Van Cutsem wants me to be his black concubine. I'm only interested if i get first dibs at his handsome son William. Wayne Rooney, a skally lad footballer for manchester united also has the hots for me, but he's just a little too doughy for this lady.

The gay village of Canal Street is just around the corner from me hotel. doesn't look very interesting.

Sad News
My anti porn feminist ex-lover Andrea Dworkin died. i knew she had Epstein Barr syndrome, lyme disease and lupus, but other then that she seemed in excellent health. i just emailed my condolences to her male lesbian husband John Stoltenberg.
speaking of diseases, on the Sky One news all they seem to be talking about is MSRA which is the disease dajour of the moment. Maybe Andrea died of MSRA.

British Telly is completely nutters. Since i don't have a TV in the states its fun to watch it here. One program that is really over the proverbial top is called Cosmetic Surgery Live! and features an oreo cookie jubas jubilee doctor and a portly pepperpot TV presenter showing very graphic body augmentation surgery. The jubas specializes in a procedure called, The Designer Vagigner where he re-sculpts hatchet pussies and extends clitoris' for better orgasms.
tar tar!

GOSTA BERLING'S SAGA
The wonderful Mark Simon took me to see the Greta Garbo salute at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Thursday. The Swedish actress Lena Olin, from the movie "Incredible Lightness of Being" was the hostess and the guest stars included actresses Joan Leslie who was in Camille as a child, and Cora Sue Collins who played baby Garbo in Queen Christina, and was a lifelong lesbianic friend of the legend. Also Gavin Lambert and the great Gore Vidal told hilarious Garbo stories. According to Ms. Lambert. Garbo loved to play games---she didn't have anything else better to do and Missy Vidal said that Howard Hughes is responsible for Garbo not returning to the screen. She was going to be in a picture for RKO in 1949, but Hughes nixed it. They showed the screen tests and she was breathtaking.
I had my own Garbo encounter in the 80s in New York. I was fooling around with a friend at the Chanel Boutique on West 57th, and an elderly lady approached us and said, "You young people sure know how to have fun". When we realized in unison we'd heard that voice before, the woman was gone. I had been observed and spoken to by the one and only Greta Garbo.
***
Friday at Bricktops was our salute to the songwriters Henderson, Brown and DeSylva. Not only did they write songs together they had a buttery menage relationship. Our guest performer was none other then the Hobo Jazz Combo headed by Marquis de Gris from Redland, CA. Marquis and his cute portly pal, put on a dynamic show. They perform quite a bit, and it shows with how tight they've become. Really amazing. I love supporting new talent. Earlier in the eve we had a Bricktops pre-party at Andrew of Gould's with the Hobo Jazz boys, Jose Promis and Cory Marie of the Moveable Feast. Miss Cory has designed a new Bricktops poster featuring Mr. Uncertain that is just too divine. I also got to meet Ms. Cory's hot beau, a strikingly handsome, tall, soft spoken young man who seems perfect for my pretty and talented Miss Cory Marie.

The celebs in the audience at Bricktops included The Ditty Bops, who were just on tour with Nancy Sinatra and the Dresden Dolls. DeAmanda of the Bops looked resplendid with her new blondine hairdo. The Bops came with their admirers, the singer Ray Montagne and Andrea Albert Pierre, the cute young son of Princess Caroline of Monaco. Andres would make a better ruler of Monacco then his queeny uncle Albert. East Coast socialite Beth Rudin De Woody came AGAIN and brought with her as an entourage Allison Stark Morrisey, the lovely great granddaughter of Fanny Brice and granddaughter of famed producer Ray Stark, Allison's hot mom is Wendy Stark Morrisey, who is the west coast editor of Vanity Fair and is one of Bricktops staunchest supporters. I love Wendy and her gay assistant/right hand man.
***
Tuesday I'm off for Manchester, England where I'll be performing as part of the Queer Visualities Conference, I'll do two lecture/performances at the Contact Theatre on April 15th under the title: "Beware the Holy Whore" and on May 7th i'll host a happening with students that will be called "The Maladjusted Rule" If you're any where near Man!chest pay me a visit. I'll be staying at the boutique hotel The Mal Maison in the Piccadily section of the city in the center of town right next to the Judas Cradle.

PLANTATION LULLABY
Parlour Club bar dom, Ms. Kimberly Kim treated Andrew of Gould and I to a farewell luncheon. I adore Kim, she's so beautiful and sweet, and makes killer drinks that everyone talks about. She has so many admirers, and without her Bricktops would be dull dull dullard. It was so nice socializing outside of the bar, which is something a rarely get to do with the staff who help make Bricktops the amazing club that it is.

Went to the Silent Movie Theatre to see William DeMille's "Miss Lulu Betts" William is Cecil B.'s older brother. The movie was very entertaining in a extremely old fashioned way that i love. Silent movies are so modern in many ways, they were ahead of their time and quite superior to talkies. My favorite part was when the heroine asks a suitor if he is a Miss Mister. or a Mrs. Mister---trying to find out if he's married or not. The other films on the bill were two amazing shorts by Harry Langdon and Buster Keaton and a Coco the Clown cartoon that was very multi-media combining stop action, animation and live action. I haven't been to the Silent Movie Theatre since the old owner was killed by his hustler lover. Some nutty opportunist actor type bought the place and its lost its focus, but he did restore the building and its nice and clean with great pillows for those hard high school auditorium seats. The piano player who accompanies the films is excellent. The new owner even tried warbling a tune, which was a little irritating. He was trying to dress period, but my advice to him is ditch the Nike Tennis shoes. He should also get rid of the boy who sells popcorn. I asked him where the bathroom was and the rude pipsqueek told me where it was but added make sure to pee in the urinal and not on the bathroom floor. Paying $15 to see a movie at this theatre does not entitle one to such treatment.

***
This just in from my movie critic pal who just came back from a film festival in Oregon.

1) The one place in America where there are NO Mexicans

2) NO hip-hop, not even a flimsy partial fingerprint of it. Went to their local YMCA one day to get in a workout and they had the radio tuned to John Mayer -- to which I could've sworn I heard an old cracka mutter under his breath about niggra music.

3) Ashland's gotta be ground-zero for the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen fanbase.

4) Five Negroes total, including me. Although I did keep seeing these kids who were clearly biracial -- I mean, they were a half-shade darker than Mariah Carey but had kinky blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and Negroesque noses. But I kept seeing them by themselves, one at a time, about six kids total. Just wandering through downtown Ashland, ranging in ages from about 6 - 14. Never a sign of a parent. Never even in groups of two or anything. Just one at a time, cropping up in random places. Some weird mulatto childdren of the corn shit.

5) There was no ass gotten in Ashland...

Paz y amor,
E

***
O and a little correction. The cast of the Golden Calf Spectacle at Bricktops the other week included: Penny Starr Jr, Pleasant Gehman and Miette
Maxwell as The Slave Girl.

***

and this just in from Billy Miller from STH Magazine:

V,

hi.
perhaps you're already en route but,
am a wonderin' if the video got dere...?
and,
wanted to tell you that i gave yer e-mail address to Gert Yonkers (of BUTT) who asked me for your contact info as he wants you to write something -i think- for his mag.
have just awaken from a dream....in it i was waiting for a ride outside a walled compound.
the rest of the dream -that i can remember- was so phantasmagoric that it would take up a whole lot of space to even begin to describe -but if was on the creepy side.
it's sunny today and is a good time for me to get a Mumbai-style mixed vegetable sandwich from the Indian strip a few blocks from here...

wub,

beeeweee

A CRAZY CORRECTION
One of my media saavy pals emugged me to say i got a name wrong on the old bloga. The portly Danish fellow i met at Bricktops with Rudy Bleu was actually Senior from the the musical group Junior Senior and not Junior as i relayed it. Of course i had no clue as to who he was at the time i was talking to him, someone told me later. I hardly ever recognize anyone who comes to Bricktops as my eyesight is horrible. Thank you to all who email me every week on who's who at the club. I really depend on you.

***

Saturday i had a Cholita reunion at the spacious Mount Washington compound of Alice Bag and "Jailbait" Velasquez. The reason for the get-to-gether was to film a documentary on Cholita's influence as an undergound musical force in LA. The filmmaker is non other then Michele "Meesh" Mills, a former Cholita and one talented and gorgeous lady who created the girl art gang The Epiladies. Meesh's day job is associate producer for the reality TV show, America's Next Top Model starring supermodel Tyra Banks. Meesh is a pop culture affeccionado, so working on TV is a perfect fit for her many and varied talents. They'd be smart to have her create a brand new show or concept---she's one of the most brilliant, clever people i know. It was fantastic seeing all the Cholitas and Vanidades girls again. The elusive Fertile La Toyah Jackson came by with wife Yadi Delicious. Sexy Machaca Kahn told me her 18 year old son is off to NYU Film school. I remember when he was a baby. Also Marina Del Rey, Heidi, keyboard player Melanie and her hubby Tom--- we all hung out for hours after filming drinking Margaritas and just having a hoot of a time---Cholita style.

This note from Michael Lucid of Pretty Things fame.

hey vag!

i read in your blog that you came by the market for a
pupusa visit, and i was gone! indeed, sadly i lost
that job --- as you know, i wasn't the most ardent
pasta salesman, but nonetheless i really miss the job.
at least it's good to know that my replacement is
sporting a very fine bubble butt for all the market to
admire.

i went to the slamdance film festival in january to
screen "mulberry commons," and when i came back, my
pasta boss called me to say "don't bother coming back
to work."
i tried to turn the tables, so i called him back to
say, "actually i'm really busy these days, so i won't
have time to work at the market anymore." i sure
showed him!

now i'm the private tutor for brian wilson's adopted
daughters (ages 6 and 7). what a crazy household! they
have 12 dogs running around their bel aire tract home
mansion. i hope carnie stops by sometime.

it sounds like you have so many projects going on,
that's so great! i hope that funding works out for you
and deadlee.

meanwhile, we're still cranking out the "pretty
things." we're almost done making our DVD of all of
our previous episodes. we even made a documentary
featurette, in which a pair of savvy lady journalists
(played by us) interview the real us.
comedic AND informative!

i really miss our sunday morning pupusa chat fests!

i hope to see you very soon, and i hope that all's
well with you ---

michael

BOOTY WHIPPED
Leave it to Missy LA for a new phenomena. Yes over the years i've noticed two hunky window washers carrying a bucket and large squeegy, one is black, light skinned and very muscular and i've seen him going from store-to-store in the Melrose Avenue Fashion District between Fairfax and LaBrea, cleaning the windows of the tacky store fronts.

Melrose use to be a hip fashion forward street. I even worked at a store called Retail Slut back in the early 1980s. That store was the longest running of the old guard Melrose, but they sadly closed shop recently. I haven't seen the hunky black window washer in a few years, since i hardly ever go in that part of town, but when i did see him he'd be working usually Saturday in the late morning. I couldn't tell if he was homeless or not. Street window washing is usually a homeless person's profession though.

The other hunky window washer is a strawberry blondine, somewhat short(everyone is short to me, because I'm 6'6") and wears a tight tank tops and sprayed on jeans. His juicy bubble butt can barely be contained by the fabric of the pants. He is stunning, with very nice skin, clear eyes and just breathtaking. He doesn't appear to be very approachable though. I've seen him on Hollywood Blvd taking the bus or just walking, and he's caught me staring at him on many occasions and has given me a dirty look, but gosh, when you present your self in such a fashion you can't blame people for staring, ---granted my Cornelius/John Wayne Gacy glare is a bit disturbing. I haven't seen him in over two years, then Magically Friday, with the weather in the 80s, on my way to rehearsal at the Parlour Club via picking up costumes from the dry clearners i saw him washing the windows of the trendy restaurant/bar O-Bar that use to be the Raincheck Room, West Hollywood's only straight bar back in the 70s and early 80s. The bar has gone through many metamorphises, and its latest incarnation seems to be surviving quite nicely. At first i didn't recognize him, as O-Bar has lots of good looking young men who work there, but then it dawned on me that no o-Bar beauty would prostrate himself in such a non-statusy way, and i realized it was the famous blonde bubble butt window washer of yore. He caught me staring at him and gave me the evil hairy eyeball. Its been quite a few years since i've last seen him. He only emerges in the Spring and Summer. I really can't tell how old he is. He could be early 20's or early 30s. I gather he is in his late 20s to early 30s, but gives off a boyishly youthful appearance. This was the first time i actually saw him washing a store window, which surprised me, in that i figured it was just a ruse, and that his main profession was a male prostitute. Of course street prostitution is practicly unheard of these days. The revamping of Santa Monica Blvd and the internet killed it. The only ones you see on the street these days plying their trade, are tranny girls and the blatinos and jubas jubilees on Nigg Alley at the east end of Santa Monica Blvd. I would love to think that he is a window washing hustler. If he is, its a very clever way of presenting oneself in a kinky, humble fashion. When i lived on Sunset Blvd, i'll always remember the clever hookers that would dress like business women in very tight skirt suits with glasses carrying a brief case. Oh and one smart lassy was even wheeling down the strip with a stroller! Very Weimar Berlin.

This boy is so attractive that he could easily be kept by an elderly gentleman, and not have to work a day in his life, so its odd that he is doing this. I know there is a story here. He's too cleancut to be homeless, and doesn't look like a drug addict or any kind of derelict that I've ever encountered. I placed a call to the O-Bar and the man who answered their reservation line, said that the general manager also noticed him, and hired him. He gave me the manager's email, and i've contacted him, and now I'm waiting for a reply. If anyone out their in cyber blogland could give me some information please email my assistant at gleebrevard@aol.com. I'll love you forever. My editor at the LA weekly thinks the story will make a good piece in the Considerable Town section.
***
Last week at Bricktops, the gifted artist Cory Marie began selling the limited edition Bricktops posters she designed. Her cute pal Candice Kim was helping her. The posters feature Madame Bricktops, and they were a bonafide hit.

Madame Bricktop also reunited with her grandson Mr. Uncertain for a wild rock opera salute to their unorthodox relationship. The theme of the evening was Felix the Cat Night, interspecies love. Burlesque ingenue Penny Starr Jr, and her pagan gang of saaphic sisters that included Augusta, punk princess Pleasant Gehman and Christina performed an ancient druid wiccan Spring Equinox ritual that was outlandish and sexy.

The celebs included Miss Buxom herself, Jane Cantillon of Entertainment Tonight, a bevy of Velvet Hammer beauties, Jedediah Smith and his lady love Reoux, photog Carol Sheridan, KXLU's Rev Dan, hunky heiress Andrew Sears, Portland Oregon's The Decemberists, Silverlake artist Vinzula, with Ariel and his pretty wife Pam, handsome Nigerian actor Chiwetel Ejiofer (Dirty Pretty Things and Woody Allen's "Melinda et Melinda) with French screen vixen Ludivine Sagnier of the new movie "La Petite Lili".

This last Friday was Margaret Dumont and the Marx Brothers nite, and our special guest was the divine Mink Stole. Mink was accompanied by the brilliant Kristian Hoffman. Mink is such a trooper, she was suffering from a bad cold, but was still able to belt out the hits in French and German, riviting the crowd of Bricktops kids. She really knows how to take command of a stage. What an electra-fying evening it was. Her many admireres included Ben Taylor (Carly Simon and James Taylor's major Ms. Gorgeous singing son)Mark Simon of Samuel French and The Boyfriend fame, Rudy Blue with Senior or Junior/Senior, Mary Pagone with beau Sasha---they are LA's dreamiest couple, and next week Mary celebrates her 24th birthday. Happy B day honey! The enchanting Melissa Sexchester was turning a lot of male heads with her slinky, sexy self, Sears heir Andrew Sears was also doing his smoldering manliness jaunt through the backroom boydello, and Madame Bricktop got a nice kiss from British hungthrob matinee idol James Purefoy---What a great name!
Shauna Leone was the guest DJ and she played so many exciting 20's songs that kept all the purists in complete glee.
***
Saw the new Queen Latifah movie Beauty Shop. Its actually really cute, for a unabashed mainstream product. I didn't buy the Queen with hunky African, Djimon Housou as her love interest. She seemed better paired with Mena Suvari or a badly miscast Alicia Silverstone as her lovers. Poor Alicia Silverstone. She was great in the movie Clueless, but just hasn't been able to shine in anything else. She was so awful in that movie musical of Shakespeare's Loves Labour Lost. I remember running into Allessandro Nivola and him also agreeing with me that she's the worst actress. I have to get Allessandro and his actress wife Emily Mortimer to do something at Bricktops. They are local kids, living in Echo Park. I just watched, for the second time Allesandro, in the movie of Jane Austin's Mansfield Park and he was excellent.

THE SOGGY SAGA
A nice long emug from Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. Its always facinating hearing from my favorite Canuck.

oh snoody: so much has happened, i scarcely know wherest to begin thusly and thou. i’ve been to europe twice already since xmas, plus argentina last week. i had a retrospective in zagreb, and then i did a photo shoot for tetu in paris. (it’s on the stands now, along with a spread i did in the new tank). argentina was wild. it was the 20th anniversary of the plata del mar film festival, which is kind of like the cannes of the southern hemisphere. except now that argentina is a banana republic again after the economic collapse, it’s a little frayed around the edges. rasp reich was a big hit there – it was named one of the top ten most popular movies out of the 280 features shown. they loved the whole che thing,

[awkward editing of Judy's message because she is involved in a law suit that prohibits the mentioning of the details therein.]

. . . but i’ve been bummed because it’s delayed LA Gangbangers and may disrupt or kill my profits from the movie. wouldn’t you know it. my money karma. the eldest of my three witchly sisters cursed me when i was 20 by telling me i have bad money karma, and it’s held true ever since. anyway, the lawyer is trying to settle out of court. oh i have to mention, when i was in argentina i i noticed in the catalogue that there was a low budget argentinian horror movie playing called Jennifer's Shadow starring... Faye Dunaway! so i said to my cute wrangler i have to go see it or my friend glenn will never forgive me. it was a little disappointing as a movie. i was hoping it would be more like the movies caroll baker was forced to make in europe when she couldn't get work in hollywood anymore - those cheap sexploitation horror movies that we love so much - but faye was amazing, in high mommie dearest gear. it's actually kind of scary to see mommie dearest become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because she looks so much like she did as joan. in the movie, this really awful, whiny american girl named jennifer (who looks kind of like jennifer salt but without the intelligence) returns to argentina to sell the family mansion where her grandmother, faye, lives with her invalid aunt. the whiny actress' twin sister has also died, so she's there to bury her. the movie is too busy referencing other horror movies to have a plot of its own - whatever happened to baby jane (a wheelchair; faye strapping her various female relatives to a bed with leather restraints), rosemary's baby, several dario argento movies, nightmare on elm street, and a variety of hammer horror films, among others. there's also some mumbo jumbo about a crow that faye controls with black magic to rip out the entrails and organs of jennifer while she sleeps, including her kidney, which her doctor tells her has mysteriously disappeared. there's a scary portrait of faye with her arms akimbo on the grand staircase glowering down at everyone. faye isn't in it enough, but she makes the most of the scenes she does have with some unusual line readings and wild eye movements. apparently the movie was made on the cheap but the cinematography is actually quite good and faye looks great. it seems she did it for cheap because she's friends with the american co-producer. i can't imagine it being released in the US, but it is in english so maybe it will turn up on dvd. oh yeah, jennifer keeps calling faye "granny" in this whiny, nasally voice, like she goes, i'm selling the house and there's nothing you can do about it, granny! anyway, back to my problems. i was like a cult star in argentina. i gather that because of the retrospective they did of me in buenos aeries four years ago, i’ve become this kind of fag folk hero there. but now i’m a nobody back in toronto. i was soooo sick in LA. i had some kinda horrible bug i picked up in paris. i just hung out with billy, who was also illy. i was just there to talk to deadlee and see some people for casting and i also went to see him at his acting class. it was intriguing. (his teacher, bobby, who used to be in bikini beach movies, turned up recently on the starlet, the reality tv show with faye dunaway. have you seen it? it’s so scary. faye dunaway is mommie dearest. she says things like “i’m going to be very hard on these girls” (the aspiring starlets, who are all bland as melba moore’s toast), and at the end of every episode, when one girl is eliminated, she goes “don’t call us, we’ll call you” in the same way that she once said “when i asked you to call me that, i wanted you to mean it.”) anyway, if i can’t get the funding for gangbangers i will go mad, because the script is so good and the cast is really funny. the boy that deadlee has for the young male latino gang member, shy boy, is soooo cute and hot and edgy. can’t act worth beans, but who cares? i may have to rob a gas station to fund it. with deadlee. that would look cool in the promotional material. i was also in LA to meet with javier about a show i’m having at his gallery in july, although my gallery career is so terry schiavo right now. i’m off to berlin on saturday. i’m being brought in by cuntswerke and the canadian embassy to talk about the reich, and i think i’m also doing a shoot for attitude cause i need the money. then the Muslim is coming back the day after i return. i haven’t seen him or hardly heard from him since he left in early december, so i’m excited. then i have to go to turin at the end of april to be on the jury of the fag film fest there, also the 20th anniversary, where john waters is the guest of honour. ok that’s it i gotta go rent harmony korine’s movies because i need to brush up because i’m interviewing him at ryerson university on friday night in front of an audience because i feel like it. i am getting laid by my jamaican fuck buddy. and you? xxx blab p.s. please please do not post on your site the part about the che guevera estate lawsuit. my lawyer wants it kept out of the media because he’s trying to settle out of court

***

oh and this little something sent to me from the great Ernest Hardy

If you are an Aries, stand up, survey your kingdom (the world, baby; it's all yours) and demand that which is rightfully yours: All of it. The rest of you mofos: Show the proper reverence, deference, respect and awe. In the words of Lynn Whitfield (as Josephine Baker), "Just love me and do as I say."

***

"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company?"
-Zora Neale Hurston

KAPTA KLIEGHORN
Saw a very compeling Portuguese film, "The Talking Picture" by a 90-something year old director. The movie stars Catherine Denueve, Irene Papas and John Malkovich and although i missed the beginning because i was sitting in the wrong theatre for 20 minutes----gawd i hate that the Fairfax Theatre was turned into a cineplex. The entire premise of the film was intriguing and provacative, sort of like a an intellectual travelogue. The Talking Picture is an adequate title, because there is a lot of dialogue and very little action----being a wordsmythe that is my favorite type of motionpicture. Loved how the leads speak in French, Greek, Portuguese and Italian.

Also saw the new Woody Allen flick, "Melinda et Melinda" that stars Chloe Sivigny, that cute and cuddly British stud Jonny Lee Miller(doing a great American accent), Radha Mitchell, and comedian Will Farrell nicely substituting for Allen himself. Certainly one of the Wooders best in a string of very bad pics he's done lately. Its always an event seeing a Woody Allen moving picture, so i really can't fault him in any way, other then bedding his step daughter Soon Yi Previn, and hurting ex-girliefriend Mia Farrow.

He's still presenting an imaginary New York, bathed in a lovely Vilmos Zsigmund glow---of course Woody Allen's Man!hattan has absolutely no relavance to the modern world, but i kind of like that. He has his formula and he sticks right to it,to the bitter end, no matter what. You gotta give it to him for that.

Had high tea at movement artist and actress Jean Spinosa's Russian Quarter compound. Jean is a recent San Francisco transplant and a member of the Moveable Feast. What a sweet, delightful girl. We had a wonderous time together, and i sometimes forget how important it is to just socialize, i need to allow more time for that. Now that I'm being courted by a lot of European performance art festivals to create pieces, I've just been so careerist dyke oriented, which is unlike me. Its important to re-arrange my schedule to spend quality moments with young, creative artists like Jean who are so inspirational.

ADDENDUM PARA VALINDA
Oh i forgot to give a shout out to Buttons Sinclair for his expert taxi dancing at Friday's Brickops Gertrude Stein celebration. By day Buttons is an art historian, and at night he turns into a libertine and sex demi-god.

***

Been housesitting at a lovely compound in the Los Feliz area. So nice to have space, space and more space. Life in Los Angeles is becoming very difficult with no affordable housing. There was a time that you didn't feel so downtrodden when you could at least have a genuinely nice, spacious apartment. Those days are over.
Sara of Rizzo told me Friday she was kicked out of three apartments because of gentrification. Talking to her made me feel a little better about my predicament, but it doesn't change the scope of things.

***

Was walking from Silverlake back to Los Feliz near Circus of Hooks when this icky little man started following me. At first i thought he was trying to mug me, but it turns out he was just cruising me. Why is it that the only ardent suitors i ever get are grossly unattractive, five foot nothings with hoves for feet? Can you answer that one for me eh?

***

Saturday i went to see the first part of this Italian epic that is set in the period of the 1960s to the present. The movie is called "Best of Youth" which is a very bad translation. The picture is only playing at the Laemmle Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles. What a trek it was to go there, but i was feeling like being someplace else, though whenever i go to the Westside i always regret it. Its as if i'm hoping that the area will change and become more interesting, but it never does. The bus ride back was really bleak. It seemed like every other person on the bus smelled odiously and was talking to themselves, and the other half were all on cell phones talking really loud. Why is it that when people have mobiles they force everyone to listen in on their banal conversation? Thanks god i'll have a mobile phone. Not that i could afford one, but i've seen homeless people with them, so maybe they aren't that expensive anymore. It doesn't matter, they are too tacky for words.

Sunday i went to the Farmers Market on Ivar to get my papusa on. Got to check out the sizzling East Asian bubble butt boy who has taken Michael Lucid's place at the pasta stand. Ran into Sara Catania who use to be a staff writer for the LA Weekly, and her lovely children. Sara was unceremoniously dumped from her job. She was too good of a writer to be stuck at the LA Bleekly anyway, that paper is going downhill fast, though i did like Libby Molyneaux cover story hanging out at the pay to play palace The Whiskey a-go-go. That Libby is a hoot. Also ran into my ole drinking buddy from the good ole days, Kim Jones who use to go out with Anthony Kiedes of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Kim is a mom and elementary school teacher. She still works for the Weekly part-time in the calendar section and is as bubbly as ever. Her son Bella is now 15 years old, which i find hard to believe. I remember when the child was born. His father Monty Messex was once one of the most amazing punk rock boy beauties to ever walk the streets of Melrose Avenue, when he worked at Flip's of Hollywood. Boy was i ever in love with Monty Messex. His brother Mike was good looking too, but in a much more normal, traditional way, whereas Monty's beauty was more quirky and appealing to me. Monty use to go out with Valerie Vaughn, and they were the first gorgousity couple of Melrose, the envy of everyone who looked upon them. Valerie worked at Poseur with Ron Athey and I worked at Retail Slut in those heady days of the early 1980s. That Valerie use to work some amazing punk looks, that no one else could possibly pull off. She use to do this lavender blonde look, ala Kim Novak and wear matching lavender or heliotrope clothing, and with her beautiful pale skin and thin frame it was quite a look.

TENDER BUTTONS
That sexy Jewish Lesbian pholksinger Phranc took over Bricktops for our Gertrude Stein salute bringing her Phranc'N'Stein literary/musical tribute to the children who need it so. Assisting the handsome and stunning Phranc was a power band of superstar women headed by the wonderful Jodie of Team Dresche/Hazel fame, the shimmering Tamala of Longstocking and bubbly cutie pie Sara of Rizzo. The crowd was mezmerized. Phranc & Company are towers of talent and creativity. The faithful in attendence included buxom high priestess of splendor, one of LA's first 100 punks, Miss Jane Cantillon who in her day time hours is a top notch TV producer with Entertainment Tonight. Jane just finished working on a documentary on elderly gay gentlemen from the showbiz arena, she took time off from ET just to fan her creative impulses----we love Missy Jane, she's a top Bricktop supporter and is always there for hostess Vaginal Davis when she is in need, which is constantly. Punk legend and beauty prize, Alice Bag was also on hand to support Phranc. Alice brought her favorite accessory, her young, well endowed husband, "Jailbait" Velasquez. In town from New York was Richie Rich and his Heatherette crew, who stopped in to bask in the Bricktop brilliance, before their chore duties at Jason Lavitt/Joseph Brooks' Atomic Club at Arena. Atomic is the latest venture from those masterminds who singlehandedly provide daycare services for the suburban and Xurbian crowd. God love 'em! The Moveable Feast salon was in full force with core members Mary & Sasha, the best dressed couple in all of Los Angeles holding court, Melissa Sexchester, Jean Spinosa, sweet Cory Marie, and Shauna Leone. After Bricktops the entire gang went to eat at Yukon Mining Company to watch the tranny pre-Easter Parade. What a show!!! Special thanks to Miss Mary for treating everyone to a hearty greasy spoon breakfast. That Mary is so generous and lovely.

***

The other day i saw the documentary film Gunner's Palace about the soldier boys in Iraq. Some of those young kids sure were hot. I'm more then willing to do my patriotic duty and fellate all our boys in the armed services. Those selfless young men need to get their gnut, and I'm here to provide them with proper release. I'm a big history buff and got a real kick out of seeing the French movie Monsiur N. about Napolean's exile on St. Helene, the performances are dazzling, and the film is sumpteous beyong compare. I dare you to see it.

***
Warning! Warning! I'm being gentrified out of another apartment. After the debacle i experienced with my gorgeous Koreatown compound a few years back, I'm sad to report that my Hollywood Blvd corridor apartment may be taken away from me. I've been in this tiny bachlorette for two years, and at the end of last summer the owner Susan and her gay husband got a divorce. Susan ran the eatery, The Last Capucino Before the 101. She had to leave that space on Franklin, and moved into the former Pedro's Grill which became The Hollywood Hills Cafe. She owned my apartment and sold it, and the new owners are trying to force everyone out so that they can bulk up the rents. Now can you understand why i want to leave Los Ang for good. I just can't take this anymore. I'll never own property in my life, and unless you can afford to own the place you live, you won't be able to have affordable housing. As it is i live in a tiny space, and have to rent an office in MacArthur Park for my art studio just to be able to work in. Pretty soon only investment bankers will be able to afford to live in Los Angeles.

THE HUMAN POMEDY
Went to the farmers market on Ivar Sunday. Michael Lucid of the Pretty Things isn't working the pasta stand anymore. He's been replaced by this hot bubble butt east asian boy, who is quite a looker. As i was standing in line for Papusas, several customers asked the beautiful asian about Michael. I love checking out all the sexy young fathers with babies in strollers at the market. I wouldn't mind fellating a few of them. I'm not very subtle when it comes to cruising. My Cornelius hairy eyeballss always betray me. Had to leave the market early to clean my art studio as i was having a visit from young pretty, and talented Cory Marie Podielski, one of the Bricktop kids. We had a lovely time together. Cory first saw me open up for Le Tigre at The Smell, and then later with the Future Bible Heroes at the Troubadour. She is part of a salon that meets every other week called The Moveable Feast, that was started by Remy aka: Jeremy, the poet with the William Blake tat. The groups gets together to share their art, and vision for the future, and the members include Shauna Leone, Jean Spinosa, Mary & Sasha, Jebediah Smith, Melissa Sexchester and i know i'm forgetting some of the other kids in the group, so please forgive me, I've got Junior Alzheimers. My main goal from doing Bricktops was for movements to be started and nurtured and it makes by black heart beam that this is happening in a major way. All these bright young things---- keeps grandma alive and kickin'

Tuesday i have brunch with Cesar Vega, the latin hungthrob. He is getting ready to go back to South America, where he met a young doctor lady and is involved in a fiery romance. Cesar is such a booty pie. I'm glad he's found a little lovin for his oven. Now why can't Ms. Davis get a little itchin in her kitchen? Well I'm sure i'll find some bones ripe for picking in Manchester.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A MOVIE WITH MADONNA IN IT
Marlou De'Luna and Hal Marinas took me out to dinner Saturday for a belated birthday celebration at Cafe Stella in Silverlake proper. Marlou and i have known each other since the fourth grade when she first came to America straight off the boat from the Filipines. Now she's a high powered lawyer working for the state of California, and her husband Hal is a big shot corporate attorney. Marlour is a top notch power bitch, and she wears that title with pride. She also has a wicked sense of humour, and keeps me barreled over in laughs. So it goes to show you that i just don't hang around with other nutty artists all the time. Dinner was lovely, and Cafe Stella was hopping with a klatch of well known people eating around us. I won't bother naming them as they should be able to afford some sense of privacy, don't you think?

Friday at Bricktops was our Carole Lombard salute and Kristi Callan who use to be in the paisley underground band Wednesday Week performed along with Kristian Hoffman. Kristi looked very pretty in a bejewelled gown that she borrowed from her movie star mother. She sang "The Lullaby of Broadway" "The Blvd of Broken Dreams" and a gorgeous Kristian Hoffman original composition. For those kids too young to remember the Paisley Underground was a confection of bands in the early 80s that were neo-pyschedelic in nature---Green on Red, The Rain Parade, Salvation Army who later became The Three O'Clock with Michael Quercio and the most popular group from that clique The Bangles. Having Kristi perform was like bringing back my youth as i spent a lot of time in clubs watching her perform with her sister in Wednesday Week. It was wonderful having her bring her sophistication, talent and charm to Bricktops.

My spies let me know this morning that roving through the club on Friday was Aurore Clement who is going to be one of the stars in Sophia Coppollas new Marie Antoinette film, also the scintillating Abby Travis with her handsome new beau, was turning many a head.

Lots of visitors from New York, Europe and South Carolina of all places, as the fame of Bricktops continues to spread throughout the known world. I was flirting with Brandon Flowers of the hot new rock band, The Killers in the DJ booth, but of course i didn't even know who he was, someone told me later----i should have pulled down his pants to see what kind of animal he was hiding. The Bricktops regulars in attendence included Buttons Sinclair, and the talented Miss Cory Podielski, who designed an incredible Bricktops poster that we will begin selling officially on March 25th. It will cost $10.00 and be a collectors item as only a few be made--hey don't i conjugate my black verbs well?

The Parlour Club owner, Lenny the Young Elder was chaperoning his cute young cousin Nikki, from Indiana. Nikki is a sweet lass who looks like the Brazillian model Gisele with curves galore and ultra dangerous beauty.

MOTHER KUSTERS GOES TO HEAVEN
Brigitte Mira, the German actress and singer who was in many Fassbinder films died at age 94. She was the star of Ali: Fear Eats the Soul, in which she played a horny widow who falls in love with an Arab immigrant. She was also in Fox and his Friends (1975) Berlin Alexanderplatz(1980) and Lilli Marleen (1981)

***
I should just give in and have sex with Sergey Brin, he's young, riche---a billionaire with the search engine Google and he is very desireth of my giant race horse arse. I feel no sparks when i'm with him, but who needs sparks when the man is loaded. Being with him could be the answer to all of my financial woes, but somehow i just can't go there. More on this subject later.

That bland band Maroon5 use to be called Kara's Flowers and they played at my sunday punk rock beer bust Club Sucker back in the late 90s. I remember they were very young and very cute, with a tired grunge sound, and i even made them all undress and i sucked their toes on stage. The lead singer is named Adam Levine, and someone from his record company emailed me to put him on the guest list at Bricktops 2nite. Well he can pay $5.00 just like anyone else. Gosh like he can't afford it, didn't he just win a goddamn undeserved grammy? Oh don't pay any attention to me, I'm feeling in a bitchy mood.

LA CAMISA DE LA POMPADOUR
O bricktops darling. you are the best, and when you add to the mix the sultry stylings of mulholland drive beauty Rebekah del rio----its an extroidinary combustive combination. Rebekah and her handsome classical guitar accompanyist dazzled the audience. Rebekah's voice is one of the 140 wonders of the known world and anti world. She posseses a timbre and clear tone that is expressive and dynamic, honey pure and emotive with all the proper shadings swirling in full da!whent. And what a glorious crowd in attendance with some fancy dressers and underground luminaries like the lucious and buxom first lady of harsh Lydia Lunch, and David J of Bauhaus, the handsome ginger O'Shea, fashion plates bontempt Shauna Leone and Miss Cory, who presented Madame Bricktops with a gorgeous present of her own design a poster done in the Beaux Arts style that was resplendid. These posters need to be seen all over Los Angeles. Thanks you so much Cory! you are divine.

***
Me and my junior alzheimer's! How could i forget to mention that David Lynch himself was in the audience watching his muse Rebekah sparkle, sparkle, sparkle and a dashing Johnny Depp and Vanessa Parede. Johnny should do a film version of the life of drug addicted silent screen star Wallace Reid. O and rock star Josh Homme of Queens of the the Stone Age was holding court in the backroom boydello lounge with a gaggle of cute young, gay acolytes. Is having an entourage of ganymede twinkies the new trend for straight rockers?

UNIVERSAL STOCK & BOND PROTECTORATE
This little note came to me while i was in England from the mega talented music, art and film critic Ernest Hardy. The man is a prophet so heed him i beg of you.

Missy LA is currently the nigger-bitch locus of a golden shower orgy
populated with beer-soaked moneyed-but-still-white trash Republicans...
they're just drenching the poor child with malicious glee.

L’EXP’ERIENCE INTE’RIEURE

Came back from the UK on Friday. Beat on a face in the ladies room of the plane and rushed to Bricktops upon landing, courtesy of sexy Parlour Club general mgr Andrew of Gould. The theme at Bricktops was Andre’ Breton and our special guests came all the way from Switzerland, the duo en vogue Frankie & Tony which included Hermeto Ze’ Maria and Charles Fish. All the Swiss expats of Los Angeles were in attendance. I didn’t know LA had so many Swiss people. Well I should have known as my best girlfriend Ron Athey has a hot butch realness Swiss lover named Maxmillian and I’ve collaborated on film projects with sizzling Zurich cineaste Cyril Kuhn. So many adorable cuties in the audience, including bubble butt Swiss girleen Reynault, the director of downtown LA’s The Project art gallery who brought out Frankie & Tony as part of their latest exhibition.. Wow Wow and more wow. My good friend Daniela Romana aka Daniel Hendrickson of Berlin Germany’s famous Cheap Collective was visiting with his pal David Pendleton of UCLA’s Film Archive. Daniela is such a power top that he is known for sending his lovers from the bedroom to the emergency room in one fell swoop of his giant genitalia. Daniela and I make a date for early in the week where he’ll plug me in to all the Deutchland gossip and we’ll talk about him bringing me back to Berlin to work on this new project at the H.O.W.L. Art Center which I hope will lead to my finally being able to leave Los Angeles for good. Its not that I hate Los Ang, its just that its time to move on, don’t you think?

***

Received a bunch of emails from readers of this very blog asking me more about the National Review of Live Art in Glasgow. Well the NRLA is produced by New Moves International as part of New Territories. What that means exactly i can't tell you, but i do know they get their funding from the Arts Council of England, The Scottish Arts Council and the Glasgow City Council. Why is it that as an American artist i can only get funded in Europe? I have never gotten one dime in grants from the states.

o and to clarify, DJ iPek of Berlin's Salon Orientale, the cute dagger Turkish DJ from the Gayhane party circuit helped me DJ during the NRLA closing night festivities playing her potent mix of Desi-wood, Buka, Nu-Oriental and Asian Arabesque.

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My performance at the Courtauld Art Institute was packed to the gils. SRO all the way. I closed the series and it was the most well attended of the lot. I love the Courtauld! Especially the library where i checked my emails for free during most of my London stay. So many luminaries in attendance, Franko B, Kira O'Reilly, Oron Catts, Lee Sexmutant, Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, some big wigs from the Hayworth Gallery, Vivid Astro Focus, Gordie Agar of the Guardian----the list was endless. i was nervous as usual, but showing my experimental short subjects really enthused the audience. Its funny how even the old material from 20 plus years ago, doesn't seem dated in the least. The after party wine social was also jamm packed with so many cuties. Didn't lead to a sex date, but i wasn't expecting that. Dom took me and an entourage of 20 plus to this Turkish restaurant where i filled up on food and vino.

The cold weather isn't bothering me as much as i thought it would. Now that all my public responsibilities are over, i'm relaxing a bit more and enjoying London for what its worth. The Chariots sauna is in walking distance to my flat. The last time i went there i had an awful time. Everyone was butt fugly. Well i have to report that not much has changed except they did refurbish the place a bit, but its still as drafty as i last remember it. England is known for men that are either drop dead gorgeous with beautiful pale skin, haunting full lips and fiery libidos or the men are apple dolls with cloven hoofs---nothing inbetween in the UK. At Chariots a lot of the men are sporting that trendy Carol Burnett as rocker hair which isn't exactly attractive if you're over 35 and the other boys are still working that sad faux hawk crossed with a mullet coif that i wish would die a thousand deaths. Ran into girlfriend Paul King at the sauna. He was able to snag the only beauty on the premises a child that looked no older then 18. You get it Mz. Coretta Paul King!

London just isn't glamorous enough anymore. I went to this event for streetwalkers where Marisa Carnesky performed and though it was billed as a burlesque nite, no one really excited me except Marisa who looked very juicy in a Nicola Bowery shimmer. Marisa also had me over for a lucious high tea party at her new flat that she owns that looks like a bit of Miami in Hackney.
My first birthday party outside of the US was a splendid affair. Wolfgang Tillmans brought his sexy Danish beau Anders and showered me with gifts. So did Franko B & Kristofer, model Rep Joshua of CLM, Andrea Novarin, the lovel camel, and big bonny Chris, Andrew of Gould's English ex-lover. Dom cooked a delicious vegan meal and the frivolities lasted into the wee hours. I retired before the guests.
Went to the leather bar, The Hoist for the first time. I doodled with a few fools, but nothing really serious as English kinks just aren't kinky enough for me. There were a lot of Tarzans who talked like Jane of the Jungle. I finally was able to get my proverbial gnut at the Pleasuredrone below Waterloo station. The minute i walked in i was attacked by five men who proceeded to ravish me with lack jawed servicing, then i did a john rechy style numbers with first a franco/italiano, a german blondine who has spent too much time in America, a Dutch boy and a Greek passive.
The other London highlight was a lecture given by black Irish beauty Kira O'Reilly where the lame drama students tried to devalue her work. Kira was stylish and lovely in every aspect of her presentation, and handled herself quite well. Franko came to her defense and attacked the students with a pit bull style bite that silenced them with shame at their utter stupidity. You haven't earned your weight in gold dustrine until you've been barked at and assaulted by the geniustrata of Franko b. I've begun to learn that all the programmers and festival directors also earn their stripes from a chewing out by Mr. B.

My last night was spent watching Franko dj a set at the old free mason building that has been turned into a hauty hotel. Chatted with a few kute kids and met Dom's ex, a striking Italio of 21 years with a huge willis poking through his pants who now is enamored with the hotel's posh owner. All week it has been snowing lightly, which makes me want it to either go full hog or clear the hell out. Of course on my last day riding the mini cab to Victoria Station the city is covered in cocaine.