PLANTATION LULLABY
Parlour Club bar dom, Ms. Kimberly Kim treated Andrew of Gould and I to a farewell luncheon. I adore Kim, she's so beautiful and sweet, and makes killer drinks that everyone talks about. She has so many admirers, and without her Bricktops would be dull dull dullard. It was so nice socializing outside of the bar, which is something a rarely get to do with the staff who help make Bricktops the amazing club that it is.

Went to the Silent Movie Theatre to see William DeMille's "Miss Lulu Betts" William is Cecil B.'s older brother. The movie was very entertaining in a extremely old fashioned way that i love. Silent movies are so modern in many ways, they were ahead of their time and quite superior to talkies. My favorite part was when the heroine asks a suitor if he is a Miss Mister. or a Mrs. Mister---trying to find out if he's married or not. The other films on the bill were two amazing shorts by Harry Langdon and Buster Keaton and a Coco the Clown cartoon that was very multi-media combining stop action, animation and live action. I haven't been to the Silent Movie Theatre since the old owner was killed by his hustler lover. Some nutty opportunist actor type bought the place and its lost its focus, but he did restore the building and its nice and clean with great pillows for those hard high school auditorium seats. The piano player who accompanies the films is excellent. The new owner even tried warbling a tune, which was a little irritating. He was trying to dress period, but my advice to him is ditch the Nike Tennis shoes. He should also get rid of the boy who sells popcorn. I asked him where the bathroom was and the rude pipsqueek told me where it was but added make sure to pee in the urinal and not on the bathroom floor. Paying $15 to see a movie at this theatre does not entitle one to such treatment.

***
This just in from my movie critic pal who just came back from a film festival in Oregon.

1) The one place in America where there are NO Mexicans

2) NO hip-hop, not even a flimsy partial fingerprint of it. Went to their local YMCA one day to get in a workout and they had the radio tuned to John Mayer -- to which I could've sworn I heard an old cracka mutter under his breath about niggra music.

3) Ashland's gotta be ground-zero for the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen fanbase.

4) Five Negroes total, including me. Although I did keep seeing these kids who were clearly biracial -- I mean, they were a half-shade darker than Mariah Carey but had kinky blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and Negroesque noses. But I kept seeing them by themselves, one at a time, about six kids total. Just wandering through downtown Ashland, ranging in ages from about 6 - 14. Never a sign of a parent. Never even in groups of two or anything. Just one at a time, cropping up in random places. Some weird mulatto childdren of the corn shit.

5) There was no ass gotten in Ashland...

Paz y amor,
E

***
O and a little correction. The cast of the Golden Calf Spectacle at Bricktops the other week included: Penny Starr Jr, Pleasant Gehman and Miette
Maxwell as The Slave Girl.

***

and this just in from Billy Miller from STH Magazine:

V,

hi.
perhaps you're already en route but,
am a wonderin' if the video got dere...?
and,
wanted to tell you that i gave yer e-mail address to Gert Yonkers (of BUTT) who asked me for your contact info as he wants you to write something -i think- for his mag.
have just awaken from a dream....in it i was waiting for a ride outside a walled compound.
the rest of the dream -that i can remember- was so phantasmagoric that it would take up a whole lot of space to even begin to describe -but if was on the creepy side.
it's sunny today and is a good time for me to get a Mumbai-style mixed vegetable sandwich from the Indian strip a few blocks from here...

wub,

beeeweee

A CRAZY CORRECTION
One of my media saavy pals emugged me to say i got a name wrong on the old bloga. The portly Danish fellow i met at Bricktops with Rudy Bleu was actually Senior from the the musical group Junior Senior and not Junior as i relayed it. Of course i had no clue as to who he was at the time i was talking to him, someone told me later. I hardly ever recognize anyone who comes to Bricktops as my eyesight is horrible. Thank you to all who email me every week on who's who at the club. I really depend on you.

***

Saturday i had a Cholita reunion at the spacious Mount Washington compound of Alice Bag and "Jailbait" Velasquez. The reason for the get-to-gether was to film a documentary on Cholita's influence as an undergound musical force in LA. The filmmaker is non other then Michele "Meesh" Mills, a former Cholita and one talented and gorgeous lady who created the girl art gang The Epiladies. Meesh's day job is associate producer for the reality TV show, America's Next Top Model starring supermodel Tyra Banks. Meesh is a pop culture affeccionado, so working on TV is a perfect fit for her many and varied talents. They'd be smart to have her create a brand new show or concept---she's one of the most brilliant, clever people i know. It was fantastic seeing all the Cholitas and Vanidades girls again. The elusive Fertile La Toyah Jackson came by with wife Yadi Delicious. Sexy Machaca Kahn told me her 18 year old son is off to NYU Film school. I remember when he was a baby. Also Marina Del Rey, Heidi, keyboard player Melanie and her hubby Tom--- we all hung out for hours after filming drinking Margaritas and just having a hoot of a time---Cholita style.

This note from Michael Lucid of Pretty Things fame.

hey vag!

i read in your blog that you came by the market for a
pupusa visit, and i was gone! indeed, sadly i lost
that job --- as you know, i wasn't the most ardent
pasta salesman, but nonetheless i really miss the job.
at least it's good to know that my replacement is
sporting a very fine bubble butt for all the market to
admire.

i went to the slamdance film festival in january to
screen "mulberry commons," and when i came back, my
pasta boss called me to say "don't bother coming back
to work."
i tried to turn the tables, so i called him back to
say, "actually i'm really busy these days, so i won't
have time to work at the market anymore." i sure
showed him!

now i'm the private tutor for brian wilson's adopted
daughters (ages 6 and 7). what a crazy household! they
have 12 dogs running around their bel aire tract home
mansion. i hope carnie stops by sometime.

it sounds like you have so many projects going on,
that's so great! i hope that funding works out for you
and deadlee.

meanwhile, we're still cranking out the "pretty
things." we're almost done making our DVD of all of
our previous episodes. we even made a documentary
featurette, in which a pair of savvy lady journalists
(played by us) interview the real us.
comedic AND informative!

i really miss our sunday morning pupusa chat fests!

i hope to see you very soon, and i hope that all's
well with you ---

michael

BOOTY WHIPPED
Leave it to Missy LA for a new phenomena. Yes over the years i've noticed two hunky window washers carrying a bucket and large squeegy, one is black, light skinned and very muscular and i've seen him going from store-to-store in the Melrose Avenue Fashion District between Fairfax and LaBrea, cleaning the windows of the tacky store fronts.

Melrose use to be a hip fashion forward street. I even worked at a store called Retail Slut back in the early 1980s. That store was the longest running of the old guard Melrose, but they sadly closed shop recently. I haven't seen the hunky black window washer in a few years, since i hardly ever go in that part of town, but when i did see him he'd be working usually Saturday in the late morning. I couldn't tell if he was homeless or not. Street window washing is usually a homeless person's profession though.

The other hunky window washer is a strawberry blondine, somewhat short(everyone is short to me, because I'm 6'6") and wears a tight tank tops and sprayed on jeans. His juicy bubble butt can barely be contained by the fabric of the pants. He is stunning, with very nice skin, clear eyes and just breathtaking. He doesn't appear to be very approachable though. I've seen him on Hollywood Blvd taking the bus or just walking, and he's caught me staring at him on many occasions and has given me a dirty look, but gosh, when you present your self in such a fashion you can't blame people for staring, ---granted my Cornelius/John Wayne Gacy glare is a bit disturbing. I haven't seen him in over two years, then Magically Friday, with the weather in the 80s, on my way to rehearsal at the Parlour Club via picking up costumes from the dry clearners i saw him washing the windows of the trendy restaurant/bar O-Bar that use to be the Raincheck Room, West Hollywood's only straight bar back in the 70s and early 80s. The bar has gone through many metamorphises, and its latest incarnation seems to be surviving quite nicely. At first i didn't recognize him, as O-Bar has lots of good looking young men who work there, but then it dawned on me that no o-Bar beauty would prostrate himself in such a non-statusy way, and i realized it was the famous blonde bubble butt window washer of yore. He caught me staring at him and gave me the evil hairy eyeball. Its been quite a few years since i've last seen him. He only emerges in the Spring and Summer. I really can't tell how old he is. He could be early 20's or early 30s. I gather he is in his late 20s to early 30s, but gives off a boyishly youthful appearance. This was the first time i actually saw him washing a store window, which surprised me, in that i figured it was just a ruse, and that his main profession was a male prostitute. Of course street prostitution is practicly unheard of these days. The revamping of Santa Monica Blvd and the internet killed it. The only ones you see on the street these days plying their trade, are tranny girls and the blatinos and jubas jubilees on Nigg Alley at the east end of Santa Monica Blvd. I would love to think that he is a window washing hustler. If he is, its a very clever way of presenting oneself in a kinky, humble fashion. When i lived on Sunset Blvd, i'll always remember the clever hookers that would dress like business women in very tight skirt suits with glasses carrying a brief case. Oh and one smart lassy was even wheeling down the strip with a stroller! Very Weimar Berlin.

This boy is so attractive that he could easily be kept by an elderly gentleman, and not have to work a day in his life, so its odd that he is doing this. I know there is a story here. He's too cleancut to be homeless, and doesn't look like a drug addict or any kind of derelict that I've ever encountered. I placed a call to the O-Bar and the man who answered their reservation line, said that the general manager also noticed him, and hired him. He gave me the manager's email, and i've contacted him, and now I'm waiting for a reply. If anyone out their in cyber blogland could give me some information please email my assistant at gleebrevard@aol.com. I'll love you forever. My editor at the LA weekly thinks the story will make a good piece in the Considerable Town section.
***
Last week at Bricktops, the gifted artist Cory Marie began selling the limited edition Bricktops posters she designed. Her cute pal Candice Kim was helping her. The posters feature Madame Bricktops, and they were a bonafide hit.

Madame Bricktop also reunited with her grandson Mr. Uncertain for a wild rock opera salute to their unorthodox relationship. The theme of the evening was Felix the Cat Night, interspecies love. Burlesque ingenue Penny Starr Jr, and her pagan gang of saaphic sisters that included Augusta, punk princess Pleasant Gehman and Christina performed an ancient druid wiccan Spring Equinox ritual that was outlandish and sexy.

The celebs included Miss Buxom herself, Jane Cantillon of Entertainment Tonight, a bevy of Velvet Hammer beauties, Jedediah Smith and his lady love Reoux, photog Carol Sheridan, KXLU's Rev Dan, hunky heiress Andrew Sears, Portland Oregon's The Decemberists, Silverlake artist Vinzula, with Ariel and his pretty wife Pam, handsome Nigerian actor Chiwetel Ejiofer (Dirty Pretty Things and Woody Allen's "Melinda et Melinda) with French screen vixen Ludivine Sagnier of the new movie "La Petite Lili".

This last Friday was Margaret Dumont and the Marx Brothers nite, and our special guest was the divine Mink Stole. Mink was accompanied by the brilliant Kristian Hoffman. Mink is such a trooper, she was suffering from a bad cold, but was still able to belt out the hits in French and German, riviting the crowd of Bricktops kids. She really knows how to take command of a stage. What an electra-fying evening it was. Her many admireres included Ben Taylor (Carly Simon and James Taylor's major Ms. Gorgeous singing son)Mark Simon of Samuel French and The Boyfriend fame, Rudy Blue with Senior or Junior/Senior, Mary Pagone with beau Sasha---they are LA's dreamiest couple, and next week Mary celebrates her 24th birthday. Happy B day honey! The enchanting Melissa Sexchester was turning a lot of male heads with her slinky, sexy self, Sears heir Andrew Sears was also doing his smoldering manliness jaunt through the backroom boydello, and Madame Bricktop got a nice kiss from British hungthrob matinee idol James Purefoy---What a great name!
Shauna Leone was the guest DJ and she played so many exciting 20's songs that kept all the purists in complete glee.
***
Saw the new Queen Latifah movie Beauty Shop. Its actually really cute, for a unabashed mainstream product. I didn't buy the Queen with hunky African, Djimon Housou as her love interest. She seemed better paired with Mena Suvari or a badly miscast Alicia Silverstone as her lovers. Poor Alicia Silverstone. She was great in the movie Clueless, but just hasn't been able to shine in anything else. She was so awful in that movie musical of Shakespeare's Loves Labour Lost. I remember running into Allessandro Nivola and him also agreeing with me that she's the worst actress. I have to get Allessandro and his actress wife Emily Mortimer to do something at Bricktops. They are local kids, living in Echo Park. I just watched, for the second time Allesandro, in the movie of Jane Austin's Mansfield Park and he was excellent.

THE SOGGY SAGA
A nice long emug from Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. Its always facinating hearing from my favorite Canuck.

oh snoody: so much has happened, i scarcely know wherest to begin thusly and thou. i’ve been to europe twice already since xmas, plus argentina last week. i had a retrospective in zagreb, and then i did a photo shoot for tetu in paris. (it’s on the stands now, along with a spread i did in the new tank). argentina was wild. it was the 20th anniversary of the plata del mar film festival, which is kind of like the cannes of the southern hemisphere. except now that argentina is a banana republic again after the economic collapse, it’s a little frayed around the edges. rasp reich was a big hit there – it was named one of the top ten most popular movies out of the 280 features shown. they loved the whole che thing,

[awkward editing of Judy's message because she is involved in a law suit that prohibits the mentioning of the details therein.]

. . . but i’ve been bummed because it’s delayed LA Gangbangers and may disrupt or kill my profits from the movie. wouldn’t you know it. my money karma. the eldest of my three witchly sisters cursed me when i was 20 by telling me i have bad money karma, and it’s held true ever since. anyway, the lawyer is trying to settle out of court. oh i have to mention, when i was in argentina i i noticed in the catalogue that there was a low budget argentinian horror movie playing called Jennifer's Shadow starring... Faye Dunaway! so i said to my cute wrangler i have to go see it or my friend glenn will never forgive me. it was a little disappointing as a movie. i was hoping it would be more like the movies caroll baker was forced to make in europe when she couldn't get work in hollywood anymore - those cheap sexploitation horror movies that we love so much - but faye was amazing, in high mommie dearest gear. it's actually kind of scary to see mommie dearest become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because she looks so much like she did as joan. in the movie, this really awful, whiny american girl named jennifer (who looks kind of like jennifer salt but without the intelligence) returns to argentina to sell the family mansion where her grandmother, faye, lives with her invalid aunt. the whiny actress' twin sister has also died, so she's there to bury her. the movie is too busy referencing other horror movies to have a plot of its own - whatever happened to baby jane (a wheelchair; faye strapping her various female relatives to a bed with leather restraints), rosemary's baby, several dario argento movies, nightmare on elm street, and a variety of hammer horror films, among others. there's also some mumbo jumbo about a crow that faye controls with black magic to rip out the entrails and organs of jennifer while she sleeps, including her kidney, which her doctor tells her has mysteriously disappeared. there's a scary portrait of faye with her arms akimbo on the grand staircase glowering down at everyone. faye isn't in it enough, but she makes the most of the scenes she does have with some unusual line readings and wild eye movements. apparently the movie was made on the cheap but the cinematography is actually quite good and faye looks great. it seems she did it for cheap because she's friends with the american co-producer. i can't imagine it being released in the US, but it is in english so maybe it will turn up on dvd. oh yeah, jennifer keeps calling faye "granny" in this whiny, nasally voice, like she goes, i'm selling the house and there's nothing you can do about it, granny! anyway, back to my problems. i was like a cult star in argentina. i gather that because of the retrospective they did of me in buenos aeries four years ago, i’ve become this kind of fag folk hero there. but now i’m a nobody back in toronto. i was soooo sick in LA. i had some kinda horrible bug i picked up in paris. i just hung out with billy, who was also illy. i was just there to talk to deadlee and see some people for casting and i also went to see him at his acting class. it was intriguing. (his teacher, bobby, who used to be in bikini beach movies, turned up recently on the starlet, the reality tv show with faye dunaway. have you seen it? it’s so scary. faye dunaway is mommie dearest. she says things like “i’m going to be very hard on these girls” (the aspiring starlets, who are all bland as melba moore’s toast), and at the end of every episode, when one girl is eliminated, she goes “don’t call us, we’ll call you” in the same way that she once said “when i asked you to call me that, i wanted you to mean it.”) anyway, if i can’t get the funding for gangbangers i will go mad, because the script is so good and the cast is really funny. the boy that deadlee has for the young male latino gang member, shy boy, is soooo cute and hot and edgy. can’t act worth beans, but who cares? i may have to rob a gas station to fund it. with deadlee. that would look cool in the promotional material. i was also in LA to meet with javier about a show i’m having at his gallery in july, although my gallery career is so terry schiavo right now. i’m off to berlin on saturday. i’m being brought in by cuntswerke and the canadian embassy to talk about the reich, and i think i’m also doing a shoot for attitude cause i need the money. then the Muslim is coming back the day after i return. i haven’t seen him or hardly heard from him since he left in early december, so i’m excited. then i have to go to turin at the end of april to be on the jury of the fag film fest there, also the 20th anniversary, where john waters is the guest of honour. ok that’s it i gotta go rent harmony korine’s movies because i need to brush up because i’m interviewing him at ryerson university on friday night in front of an audience because i feel like it. i am getting laid by my jamaican fuck buddy. and you? xxx blab p.s. please please do not post on your site the part about the che guevera estate lawsuit. my lawyer wants it kept out of the media because he’s trying to settle out of court

***

oh and this little something sent to me from the great Ernest Hardy

If you are an Aries, stand up, survey your kingdom (the world, baby; it's all yours) and demand that which is rightfully yours: All of it. The rest of you mofos: Show the proper reverence, deference, respect and awe. In the words of Lynn Whitfield (as Josephine Baker), "Just love me and do as I say."

***

"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company?"
-Zora Neale Hurston

KAPTA KLIEGHORN
Saw a very compeling Portuguese film, "The Talking Picture" by a 90-something year old director. The movie stars Catherine Denueve, Irene Papas and John Malkovich and although i missed the beginning because i was sitting in the wrong theatre for 20 minutes----gawd i hate that the Fairfax Theatre was turned into a cineplex. The entire premise of the film was intriguing and provacative, sort of like a an intellectual travelogue. The Talking Picture is an adequate title, because there is a lot of dialogue and very little action----being a wordsmythe that is my favorite type of motionpicture. Loved how the leads speak in French, Greek, Portuguese and Italian.

Also saw the new Woody Allen flick, "Melinda et Melinda" that stars Chloe Sivigny, that cute and cuddly British stud Jonny Lee Miller(doing a great American accent), Radha Mitchell, and comedian Will Farrell nicely substituting for Allen himself. Certainly one of the Wooders best in a string of very bad pics he's done lately. Its always an event seeing a Woody Allen moving picture, so i really can't fault him in any way, other then bedding his step daughter Soon Yi Previn, and hurting ex-girliefriend Mia Farrow.

He's still presenting an imaginary New York, bathed in a lovely Vilmos Zsigmund glow---of course Woody Allen's Man!hattan has absolutely no relavance to the modern world, but i kind of like that. He has his formula and he sticks right to it,to the bitter end, no matter what. You gotta give it to him for that.

Had high tea at movement artist and actress Jean Spinosa's Russian Quarter compound. Jean is a recent San Francisco transplant and a member of the Moveable Feast. What a sweet, delightful girl. We had a wonderous time together, and i sometimes forget how important it is to just socialize, i need to allow more time for that. Now that I'm being courted by a lot of European performance art festivals to create pieces, I've just been so careerist dyke oriented, which is unlike me. Its important to re-arrange my schedule to spend quality moments with young, creative artists like Jean who are so inspirational.

ADDENDUM PARA VALINDA
Oh i forgot to give a shout out to Buttons Sinclair for his expert taxi dancing at Friday's Brickops Gertrude Stein celebration. By day Buttons is an art historian, and at night he turns into a libertine and sex demi-god.

***

Been housesitting at a lovely compound in the Los Feliz area. So nice to have space, space and more space. Life in Los Angeles is becoming very difficult with no affordable housing. There was a time that you didn't feel so downtrodden when you could at least have a genuinely nice, spacious apartment. Those days are over.
Sara of Rizzo told me Friday she was kicked out of three apartments because of gentrification. Talking to her made me feel a little better about my predicament, but it doesn't change the scope of things.

***

Was walking from Silverlake back to Los Feliz near Circus of Hooks when this icky little man started following me. At first i thought he was trying to mug me, but it turns out he was just cruising me. Why is it that the only ardent suitors i ever get are grossly unattractive, five foot nothings with hoves for feet? Can you answer that one for me eh?

***

Saturday i went to see the first part of this Italian epic that is set in the period of the 1960s to the present. The movie is called "Best of Youth" which is a very bad translation. The picture is only playing at the Laemmle Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles. What a trek it was to go there, but i was feeling like being someplace else, though whenever i go to the Westside i always regret it. Its as if i'm hoping that the area will change and become more interesting, but it never does. The bus ride back was really bleak. It seemed like every other person on the bus smelled odiously and was talking to themselves, and the other half were all on cell phones talking really loud. Why is it that when people have mobiles they force everyone to listen in on their banal conversation? Thanks god i'll have a mobile phone. Not that i could afford one, but i've seen homeless people with them, so maybe they aren't that expensive anymore. It doesn't matter, they are too tacky for words.

Sunday i went to the Farmers Market on Ivar to get my papusa on. Got to check out the sizzling East Asian bubble butt boy who has taken Michael Lucid's place at the pasta stand. Ran into Sara Catania who use to be a staff writer for the LA Weekly, and her lovely children. Sara was unceremoniously dumped from her job. She was too good of a writer to be stuck at the LA Bleekly anyway, that paper is going downhill fast, though i did like Libby Molyneaux cover story hanging out at the pay to play palace The Whiskey a-go-go. That Libby is a hoot. Also ran into my ole drinking buddy from the good ole days, Kim Jones who use to go out with Anthony Kiedes of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Kim is a mom and elementary school teacher. She still works for the Weekly part-time in the calendar section and is as bubbly as ever. Her son Bella is now 15 years old, which i find hard to believe. I remember when the child was born. His father Monty Messex was once one of the most amazing punk rock boy beauties to ever walk the streets of Melrose Avenue, when he worked at Flip's of Hollywood. Boy was i ever in love with Monty Messex. His brother Mike was good looking too, but in a much more normal, traditional way, whereas Monty's beauty was more quirky and appealing to me. Monty use to go out with Valerie Vaughn, and they were the first gorgousity couple of Melrose, the envy of everyone who looked upon them. Valerie worked at Poseur with Ron Athey and I worked at Retail Slut in those heady days of the early 1980s. That Valerie use to work some amazing punk looks, that no one else could possibly pull off. She use to do this lavender blonde look, ala Kim Novak and wear matching lavender or heliotrope clothing, and with her beautiful pale skin and thin frame it was quite a look.

TENDER BUTTONS
That sexy Jewish Lesbian pholksinger Phranc took over Bricktops for our Gertrude Stein salute bringing her Phranc'N'Stein literary/musical tribute to the children who need it so. Assisting the handsome and stunning Phranc was a power band of superstar women headed by the wonderful Jodie of Team Dresche/Hazel fame, the shimmering Tamala of Longstocking and bubbly cutie pie Sara of Rizzo. The crowd was mezmerized. Phranc & Company are towers of talent and creativity. The faithful in attendence included buxom high priestess of splendor, one of LA's first 100 punks, Miss Jane Cantillon who in her day time hours is a top notch TV producer with Entertainment Tonight. Jane just finished working on a documentary on elderly gay gentlemen from the showbiz arena, she took time off from ET just to fan her creative impulses----we love Missy Jane, she's a top Bricktop supporter and is always there for hostess Vaginal Davis when she is in need, which is constantly. Punk legend and beauty prize, Alice Bag was also on hand to support Phranc. Alice brought her favorite accessory, her young, well endowed husband, "Jailbait" Velasquez. In town from New York was Richie Rich and his Heatherette crew, who stopped in to bask in the Bricktop brilliance, before their chore duties at Jason Lavitt/Joseph Brooks' Atomic Club at Arena. Atomic is the latest venture from those masterminds who singlehandedly provide daycare services for the suburban and Xurbian crowd. God love 'em! The Moveable Feast salon was in full force with core members Mary & Sasha, the best dressed couple in all of Los Angeles holding court, Melissa Sexchester, Jean Spinosa, sweet Cory Marie, and Shauna Leone. After Bricktops the entire gang went to eat at Yukon Mining Company to watch the tranny pre-Easter Parade. What a show!!! Special thanks to Miss Mary for treating everyone to a hearty greasy spoon breakfast. That Mary is so generous and lovely.

***

The other day i saw the documentary film Gunner's Palace about the soldier boys in Iraq. Some of those young kids sure were hot. I'm more then willing to do my patriotic duty and fellate all our boys in the armed services. Those selfless young men need to get their gnut, and I'm here to provide them with proper release. I'm a big history buff and got a real kick out of seeing the French movie Monsiur N. about Napolean's exile on St. Helene, the performances are dazzling, and the film is sumpteous beyong compare. I dare you to see it.

***
Warning! Warning! I'm being gentrified out of another apartment. After the debacle i experienced with my gorgeous Koreatown compound a few years back, I'm sad to report that my Hollywood Blvd corridor apartment may be taken away from me. I've been in this tiny bachlorette for two years, and at the end of last summer the owner Susan and her gay husband got a divorce. Susan ran the eatery, The Last Capucino Before the 101. She had to leave that space on Franklin, and moved into the former Pedro's Grill which became The Hollywood Hills Cafe. She owned my apartment and sold it, and the new owners are trying to force everyone out so that they can bulk up the rents. Now can you understand why i want to leave Los Ang for good. I just can't take this anymore. I'll never own property in my life, and unless you can afford to own the place you live, you won't be able to have affordable housing. As it is i live in a tiny space, and have to rent an office in MacArthur Park for my art studio just to be able to work in. Pretty soon only investment bankers will be able to afford to live in Los Angeles.

THE HUMAN POMEDY
Went to the farmers market on Ivar Sunday. Michael Lucid of the Pretty Things isn't working the pasta stand anymore. He's been replaced by this hot bubble butt east asian boy, who is quite a looker. As i was standing in line for Papusas, several customers asked the beautiful asian about Michael. I love checking out all the sexy young fathers with babies in strollers at the market. I wouldn't mind fellating a few of them. I'm not very subtle when it comes to cruising. My Cornelius hairy eyeballss always betray me. Had to leave the market early to clean my art studio as i was having a visit from young pretty, and talented Cory Marie Podielski, one of the Bricktop kids. We had a lovely time together. Cory first saw me open up for Le Tigre at The Smell, and then later with the Future Bible Heroes at the Troubadour. She is part of a salon that meets every other week called The Moveable Feast, that was started by Remy aka: Jeremy, the poet with the William Blake tat. The groups gets together to share their art, and vision for the future, and the members include Shauna Leone, Jean Spinosa, Mary & Sasha, Jebediah Smith, Melissa Sexchester and i know i'm forgetting some of the other kids in the group, so please forgive me, I've got Junior Alzheimers. My main goal from doing Bricktops was for movements to be started and nurtured and it makes by black heart beam that this is happening in a major way. All these bright young things---- keeps grandma alive and kickin'

Tuesday i have brunch with Cesar Vega, the latin hungthrob. He is getting ready to go back to South America, where he met a young doctor lady and is involved in a fiery romance. Cesar is such a booty pie. I'm glad he's found a little lovin for his oven. Now why can't Ms. Davis get a little itchin in her kitchen? Well I'm sure i'll find some bones ripe for picking in Manchester.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A MOVIE WITH MADONNA IN IT
Marlou De'Luna and Hal Marinas took me out to dinner Saturday for a belated birthday celebration at Cafe Stella in Silverlake proper. Marlou and i have known each other since the fourth grade when she first came to America straight off the boat from the Filipines. Now she's a high powered lawyer working for the state of California, and her husband Hal is a big shot corporate attorney. Marlour is a top notch power bitch, and she wears that title with pride. She also has a wicked sense of humour, and keeps me barreled over in laughs. So it goes to show you that i just don't hang around with other nutty artists all the time. Dinner was lovely, and Cafe Stella was hopping with a klatch of well known people eating around us. I won't bother naming them as they should be able to afford some sense of privacy, don't you think?

Friday at Bricktops was our Carole Lombard salute and Kristi Callan who use to be in the paisley underground band Wednesday Week performed along with Kristian Hoffman. Kristi looked very pretty in a bejewelled gown that she borrowed from her movie star mother. She sang "The Lullaby of Broadway" "The Blvd of Broken Dreams" and a gorgeous Kristian Hoffman original composition. For those kids too young to remember the Paisley Underground was a confection of bands in the early 80s that were neo-pyschedelic in nature---Green on Red, The Rain Parade, Salvation Army who later became The Three O'Clock with Michael Quercio and the most popular group from that clique The Bangles. Having Kristi perform was like bringing back my youth as i spent a lot of time in clubs watching her perform with her sister in Wednesday Week. It was wonderful having her bring her sophistication, talent and charm to Bricktops.

My spies let me know this morning that roving through the club on Friday was Aurore Clement who is going to be one of the stars in Sophia Coppollas new Marie Antoinette film, also the scintillating Abby Travis with her handsome new beau, was turning many a head.

Lots of visitors from New York, Europe and South Carolina of all places, as the fame of Bricktops continues to spread throughout the known world. I was flirting with Brandon Flowers of the hot new rock band, The Killers in the DJ booth, but of course i didn't even know who he was, someone told me later----i should have pulled down his pants to see what kind of animal he was hiding. The Bricktops regulars in attendence included Buttons Sinclair, and the talented Miss Cory Podielski, who designed an incredible Bricktops poster that we will begin selling officially on March 25th. It will cost $10.00 and be a collectors item as only a few be made--hey don't i conjugate my black verbs well?

The Parlour Club owner, Lenny the Young Elder was chaperoning his cute young cousin Nikki, from Indiana. Nikki is a sweet lass who looks like the Brazillian model Gisele with curves galore and ultra dangerous beauty.

MOTHER KUSTERS GOES TO HEAVEN
Brigitte Mira, the German actress and singer who was in many Fassbinder films died at age 94. She was the star of Ali: Fear Eats the Soul, in which she played a horny widow who falls in love with an Arab immigrant. She was also in Fox and his Friends (1975) Berlin Alexanderplatz(1980) and Lilli Marleen (1981)

***
I should just give in and have sex with Sergey Brin, he's young, riche---a billionaire with the search engine Google and he is very desireth of my giant race horse arse. I feel no sparks when i'm with him, but who needs sparks when the man is loaded. Being with him could be the answer to all of my financial woes, but somehow i just can't go there. More on this subject later.

That bland band Maroon5 use to be called Kara's Flowers and they played at my sunday punk rock beer bust Club Sucker back in the late 90s. I remember they were very young and very cute, with a tired grunge sound, and i even made them all undress and i sucked their toes on stage. The lead singer is named Adam Levine, and someone from his record company emailed me to put him on the guest list at Bricktops 2nite. Well he can pay $5.00 just like anyone else. Gosh like he can't afford it, didn't he just win a goddamn undeserved grammy? Oh don't pay any attention to me, I'm feeling in a bitchy mood.

LA CAMISA DE LA POMPADOUR
O bricktops darling. you are the best, and when you add to the mix the sultry stylings of mulholland drive beauty Rebekah del rio----its an extroidinary combustive combination. Rebekah and her handsome classical guitar accompanyist dazzled the audience. Rebekah's voice is one of the 140 wonders of the known world and anti world. She posseses a timbre and clear tone that is expressive and dynamic, honey pure and emotive with all the proper shadings swirling in full da!whent. And what a glorious crowd in attendance with some fancy dressers and underground luminaries like the lucious and buxom first lady of harsh Lydia Lunch, and David J of Bauhaus, the handsome ginger O'Shea, fashion plates bontempt Shauna Leone and Miss Cory, who presented Madame Bricktops with a gorgeous present of her own design a poster done in the Beaux Arts style that was resplendid. These posters need to be seen all over Los Angeles. Thanks you so much Cory! you are divine.

***
Me and my junior alzheimer's! How could i forget to mention that David Lynch himself was in the audience watching his muse Rebekah sparkle, sparkle, sparkle and a dashing Johnny Depp and Vanessa Parede. Johnny should do a film version of the life of drug addicted silent screen star Wallace Reid. O and rock star Josh Homme of Queens of the the Stone Age was holding court in the backroom boydello lounge with a gaggle of cute young, gay acolytes. Is having an entourage of ganymede twinkies the new trend for straight rockers?

UNIVERSAL STOCK & BOND PROTECTORATE
This little note came to me while i was in England from the mega talented music, art and film critic Ernest Hardy. The man is a prophet so heed him i beg of you.

Missy LA is currently the nigger-bitch locus of a golden shower orgy
populated with beer-soaked moneyed-but-still-white trash Republicans...
they're just drenching the poor child with malicious glee.

L’EXP’ERIENCE INTE’RIEURE

Came back from the UK on Friday. Beat on a face in the ladies room of the plane and rushed to Bricktops upon landing, courtesy of sexy Parlour Club general mgr Andrew of Gould. The theme at Bricktops was Andre’ Breton and our special guests came all the way from Switzerland, the duo en vogue Frankie & Tony which included Hermeto Ze’ Maria and Charles Fish. All the Swiss expats of Los Angeles were in attendance. I didn’t know LA had so many Swiss people. Well I should have known as my best girlfriend Ron Athey has a hot butch realness Swiss lover named Maxmillian and I’ve collaborated on film projects with sizzling Zurich cineaste Cyril Kuhn. So many adorable cuties in the audience, including bubble butt Swiss girleen Reynault, the director of downtown LA’s The Project art gallery who brought out Frankie & Tony as part of their latest exhibition.. Wow Wow and more wow. My good friend Daniela Romana aka Daniel Hendrickson of Berlin Germany’s famous Cheap Collective was visiting with his pal David Pendleton of UCLA’s Film Archive. Daniela is such a power top that he is known for sending his lovers from the bedroom to the emergency room in one fell swoop of his giant genitalia. Daniela and I make a date for early in the week where he’ll plug me in to all the Deutchland gossip and we’ll talk about him bringing me back to Berlin to work on this new project at the H.O.W.L. Art Center which I hope will lead to my finally being able to leave Los Angeles for good. Its not that I hate Los Ang, its just that its time to move on, don’t you think?

***

Received a bunch of emails from readers of this very blog asking me more about the National Review of Live Art in Glasgow. Well the NRLA is produced by New Moves International as part of New Territories. What that means exactly i can't tell you, but i do know they get their funding from the Arts Council of England, The Scottish Arts Council and the Glasgow City Council. Why is it that as an American artist i can only get funded in Europe? I have never gotten one dime in grants from the states.

o and to clarify, DJ iPek of Berlin's Salon Orientale, the cute dagger Turkish DJ from the Gayhane party circuit helped me DJ during the NRLA closing night festivities playing her potent mix of Desi-wood, Buka, Nu-Oriental and Asian Arabesque.

***
My performance at the Courtauld Art Institute was packed to the gils. SRO all the way. I closed the series and it was the most well attended of the lot. I love the Courtauld! Especially the library where i checked my emails for free during most of my London stay. So many luminaries in attendance, Franko B, Kira O'Reilly, Oron Catts, Lee Sexmutant, Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, some big wigs from the Hayworth Gallery, Vivid Astro Focus, Gordie Agar of the Guardian----the list was endless. i was nervous as usual, but showing my experimental short subjects really enthused the audience. Its funny how even the old material from 20 plus years ago, doesn't seem dated in the least. The after party wine social was also jamm packed with so many cuties. Didn't lead to a sex date, but i wasn't expecting that. Dom took me and an entourage of 20 plus to this Turkish restaurant where i filled up on food and vino.

The cold weather isn't bothering me as much as i thought it would. Now that all my public responsibilities are over, i'm relaxing a bit more and enjoying London for what its worth. The Chariots sauna is in walking distance to my flat. The last time i went there i had an awful time. Everyone was butt fugly. Well i have to report that not much has changed except they did refurbish the place a bit, but its still as drafty as i last remember it. England is known for men that are either drop dead gorgeous with beautiful pale skin, haunting full lips and fiery libidos or the men are apple dolls with cloven hoofs---nothing inbetween in the UK. At Chariots a lot of the men are sporting that trendy Carol Burnett as rocker hair which isn't exactly attractive if you're over 35 and the other boys are still working that sad faux hawk crossed with a mullet coif that i wish would die a thousand deaths. Ran into girlfriend Paul King at the sauna. He was able to snag the only beauty on the premises a child that looked no older then 18. You get it Mz. Coretta Paul King!

London just isn't glamorous enough anymore. I went to this event for streetwalkers where Marisa Carnesky performed and though it was billed as a burlesque nite, no one really excited me except Marisa who looked very juicy in a Nicola Bowery shimmer. Marisa also had me over for a lucious high tea party at her new flat that she owns that looks like a bit of Miami in Hackney.
My first birthday party outside of the US was a splendid affair. Wolfgang Tillmans brought his sexy Danish beau Anders and showered me with gifts. So did Franko B & Kristofer, model Rep Joshua of CLM, Andrea Novarin, the lovel camel, and big bonny Chris, Andrew of Gould's English ex-lover. Dom cooked a delicious vegan meal and the frivolities lasted into the wee hours. I retired before the guests.
Went to the leather bar, The Hoist for the first time. I doodled with a few fools, but nothing really serious as English kinks just aren't kinky enough for me. There were a lot of Tarzans who talked like Jane of the Jungle. I finally was able to get my proverbial gnut at the Pleasuredrone below Waterloo station. The minute i walked in i was attacked by five men who proceeded to ravish me with lack jawed servicing, then i did a john rechy style numbers with first a franco/italiano, a german blondine who has spent too much time in America, a Dutch boy and a Greek passive.
The other London highlight was a lecture given by black Irish beauty Kira O'Reilly where the lame drama students tried to devalue her work. Kira was stylish and lovely in every aspect of her presentation, and handled herself quite well. Franko came to her defense and attacked the students with a pit bull style bite that silenced them with shame at their utter stupidity. You haven't earned your weight in gold dustrine until you've been barked at and assaulted by the geniustrata of Franko b. I've begun to learn that all the programmers and festival directors also earn their stripes from a chewing out by Mr. B.

My last night was spent watching Franko dj a set at the old free mason building that has been turned into a hauty hotel. Chatted with a few kute kids and met Dom's ex, a striking Italio of 21 years with a huge willis poking through his pants who now is enamored with the hotel's posh owner. All week it has been snowing lightly, which makes me want it to either go full hog or clear the hell out. Of course on my last day riding the mini cab to Victoria Station the city is covered in cocaine.

BONNY BANKS
The closing night party of the NATIONAL REVIEW OF LIVE ART and i beat on a fine face, and when i arrive a huge throng is waiting for me to begin. Talk about pressure. Mark the tech guy is a little perturbed by me. The other day i told him i wanted to change the location, not realizing he would work on it so promptly, well after sleeping on it, i decided the original location was best for my performance and dj set. its a woman's perogative to change her feral mind. needless to say i wasn't his favourite person.

i'm so use to U.S. tech people who wait till the very last minute if they do it at all. They are definately more on the ball in Scotland. i start off playing a mix of rock songs ala my days behind the spinderella wheels of steel at club sucker. i'm not use to spinning this material as for the last two years i've only dj'd 20s music. but the crowd seems to be enjoying themselves and loosening up. i'm wearing my rick owens special so i'm looking appropriately coiffed and styled---thank god it all came together quickly. The nrla has been as dry as burnt toast, so everyone is finally kicking off their knickers during my hosting and dj set. it seems like i was what everyone was hoping for.

lots of love connections are being made. The party starts early at 8pm and around 10pm i do a segment from my new piece orifice descending that goes over very well. i use dominic johnson and kris canavan as living breathing sculpture lined up behind my crazed antics. dom and kris are perfect and the crowd enjoys it. i continue dj-ing until 3am. i even get a little knookie from this hot lean and mean glaswegian boy who comes into the dj booth and lifts my skirt and commenses to toss my garden salad, whispering to me, "lets leave". i'm the hostess so i can't just take off with this hunk, but i'm certainly tempted. i feel him up and he has one hell of a hard body and beautiful big soulful eyes, a shaved head and strong features that are utterly divine. i have an assortment of erotic tinged videos displayed as atmosphere and everyone eats them up. The visuals certainly help everyone display their hornriffic ways. of course nicki, the director of the festival censors me. i'm in a good mood, or else there would have been hell to pay. people have seen enough of my sexy imagery, and they are all fraternizing and having a hell of a time. my mission is complete. Tomorrow off to london via a long boring train ride.

LONDON SPALLING
Dom takes me to the George and the Dragon a trendy pub in the Short Ditch area where he lives around Arnold Circus. i call this ShortDitch district, Short Bread and nearby Brick Lane--Crick Lane. Ran into Fred of the former Milch Gallery who bought us a round of drinks. he tells me that Bernal died. Bernal was a cute English boy who performed in Jennifer Blowdryer's Smut Fest back in 1996 at the Schmidt Theatre in Hamburg. Bernal was quite the slut, going to the saunas and Tom's Bar every night while he was performing. One evening he brought back a double barreled Brazillian who also wanted to make it with me and Crepe Suzette, who was in Hamburg performing with me.

London is colder than Glasgow, and it should be the other way around. I'm freezing! My southern california wear doesn't seem to block out the wind and chill factor. oh welp, i knew i wasn't going to palm beach.

Dominic's flat is really cute, cozy and charming. he is really taking care of me, the way i needed to be tended. i'm really very helpless. i don't know my way around the city as i have the worse sense of direction imaginable. We spend the night over at Franko B and his young lover kristofer canavan's house. kris makes a delicious lite meal and Franko does some dj mixing from his lap top. Franko is becoming a top ranking uk DJ---he can do it all. Franko is such a sweatie, its because of him that i got the nrla gig---he takes care of his girls.

DEVONSHIRE DOWNS
The last days of the NRLA festival in Scotland---Franko presented an open salon which really picked up a lot of steam. Richard Dedomenici is a scruffy, funny little man who made a hilarious presentation along with Ange Taggert who works with a collective that do a lot of filmed actions. Richard showed himself involved in a loopy piece on the streets of Chicago that was wild, inventive and spontaneous. Europeans can get away with double homocide in America, we always find their accents so charming. Also Chris Barton presented documentation of his work with the Artists in Residence Young Offenders Institution, which featured his baked excrement sculptures. Ms. Taggert and her group involve themselves with such stirling projects as: Cleaning Up After Capitalism, where they go into places like Starbucks with a Vaccuum cleaner and start cleaning. Almost immediately they are asked to leave, but at Barclay's Bank no one even notices. They even have presented these actions outdoors cleaning tram tracks. oh and one project involved a fake business called my dad's strip club. i've always felt it was important to get art out to people on the streets and these young artists are really doing that with gusto and clever art strategies and system interventions. unfortunately they run into resistence in shopping centers, where dialogue that interrupts customer spending isn't tolerated. in an action piece called War Against Shopping, it was hilarious how really young kids responded favorably and were willing to participate and be a part of the parodic pranks.

honey baby i'm all for creating more actions, and really going for that corporate jugular and attacking their profit margins. Regular forms of protest just don't work. no one pays attentions to marches, you've got to device new ways of sticking it to the man, and changing corporate logos like coca cola to Coca Colon, and going into supermarkets and breaking out in a ritualistic worship of the products on display----praying to Whiskers Catfood and asking people on the street---What is the best company to run IraQ?----Mcdonalds or Virgen Airles. now that is my cup of camomille tea.

i'm feeling low energy so i have to report on my performance piece and DJ set at the closing party a little later

LOCH LOMAND
The NRLA at the Arches, Saturday the 12th. for some strange reason i have not been able to get a good nite sleep. i usually never suffer such intense jet lag. my sleep friday night was the best so far, but still underwhelming. There is a lot to report about being at the new moves festival, but i'm not in a very clear space, so please bear daddy with me. Saturday's highlight was a nice lecture/discussion between franko and ron athey that was packed to the high rafters and was very exciting. Ron was his regular fatherly self charming and delighting and he and franko are such brothers that their interaction was very cute together and a lot of issues were raised. Ron really articulated the NEA scandal and his latest with the UCLA class he taught that has become an international cause celebre. everyone here in europe seemed to know about it. of course i almost missed it because the queue was so long at the door. also loved a peace from the art collective Breath where you enter this tiny environment and are presented with a gift of wondermint. of course my tall lady self didn't quite fit in the pitch tent, and my arthritic kneebows started to ache, but sometimes you just have to give yourself up to the art process.
saw two dance pieces one by Jerome Bell who is very popular--was packed. i loved some of the movements and the naked man in the piece had a very powerful built, but with my lack of sleep i just couldn't handle something that methodical. it was lulling me into a deep sleep. and the space wasn't the best for what was being presented.
Michele Murray's dance company was too schitzo for me. one black dancer had the worst body i've ever seen on a black person. no butt and skinny shriveled legs, and he had major bitch titties. is he taking hormones? and then there was a pony tail queen, i wanted to cut that thing off. some of the girls had interesting faces but with this particular piece either be completely avant garde like jerome bell and remake the vocabulary or stick to those stuccato modern dance moves of yore. you can't mix and match. it doesn't work, oh and the music---modern music like the chemical brothers and techno crap-----snore city. there shouldn't have been any music like mr. bell's piece. also saw some cute video installations and a humourous sound installation with a nelly boy going through a strange lament. monday i'm off for london. hooboostooboo

YOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
i'm at an internet cafe on st. vicente's street. took a long walk around the city center so that i could see some other people besides artists, presenters and that ilken. lots of very tall ginger boys and bubble butt pale skinned beauties. how i'm going to lure them in to my sex net is another story. . .
Franko was warning me the other day that on the weekends i'd better beware of the hooligans who like attacking ladymen who are bigger then them, becuase it gives them credibility as a street thugette. so far i haven't run into that but i still have a few days to go.
on the first day franko presented a beautifully stunning piece called "Still life" with his living bleeding body situated on a glow warm bed of angel light. the crowd was mesmerized---that franko is a genius at creating an engrossing and powerfully laden image. my favorite part was his re-positioning from repose to doggie then papusa style and then he gracefully walked away with leaving an invisible gown trail.
yesterday i took part in kira's piece which is a one-on-one. you're given a scalpel to mark her body with. very brave of her to share herself in this way. i didn't mutilate her but just gave her pounds and pounds of love affection and gifts, and sang to her. a very sweet exchange. i'm always inspired by miss kira.
i have to return to the hotel and get ready for today's events so i'll come back and write down some more thoughtas later. forgive my spelling and grammer but i just can't get that part of this writing process together.
kalema kalesh!

MY ONE AND ONLY HIGHLAND FLING
Been in Glasgow now for three days---what a whirl! my plane from los ang had elderly ingenue Selma Blair with Guy Oseary of madge's maverick label. i didn't know they were an item.
cute colin-richardson-webb, the NRLA general mgr picked me up from the aeroport. on my plane was the grand madame of performance, the one and only linda m. montano, along with dapper art critic Robert Airs. i worship ms. montano. my movie costumer girlfriend Crepe Suzette worked with her during her Red period of living art. linda is a treasure and so dear. What a highlight meeting her and riding in the taxi to our hotel ibis, which is a little low rent, but i have a nice shower and full sized bed, so i'm not complaining, plus there is a free breakfast, and since i'm low on funds i have to stuff myself and make it last all day.
Franko B. and Ron are already here plus Franko's beau, adorable kristofer who is now sporting a full head of lush hair, super post modern intellect Dominic Johnson, handsome Manuel Vason, and the delightfully stunning beauty that is Kira O'Reilly. Daddy Athey takes me to tea at the famous Willow Tea room designed by famed architec CR Mackintosh. Mackintosh is a fluffier architectual version of Frank Lloyd Wright. We were served by a nice potato apple doll lady and her tight bodied young son with peaches n cream complexion. The NRLA at the Arches across fromt he grand central train station is wonderous. Imagine, a performance event held in a catacombe. The new moves festival is like a performance art convention. its unlike anything i've ever been a part of. its a little on the dry side, but i'm enjoying reuniting with people i've met in the euro performance art scene. linda montano's cute editor of her new book Jenny Klein is like a baby Annie Sprinkle with red bright hair and pre-raphelite skin. We've really hit it off and i love how she takes care of Linda. She teaches at a university in Ohio and wants to bring me out there. i love ohio and those kornfed boys and appalachian hill jacks. one of the performance installations i see is from anne seagrave of france who has a tight male-ish body, like a wound, like a gash, a mixture of hannah from osseaus labrynth with a little bit of la ribot thrown in for good measurita. i liked Canadian Alexis o'hara. she was cute and bubbly in that Canuck fashion i cherish. her piece started off really strong, then veered into laurie anderson as stand-up commedienne territory. of course i was exhausted from my lack of sleep and inability to adjust to the time change, so my meter for everything was a bit off.

met festival director nikki milican who reminds me of hanna hurtzig from berlin's volksbrunner. all the artists are big networking queens, i don't get any sexual vibes from them, so i don't think i'll be getting my proverbial gnut in this city. i had no idea there would be so many presenters, programmers, festival directors and the like in attendance.

The audience is made up mostly of other artists, students and academes, not exactly crossover appeal. just preaching to the subflirted. my arthritis is kicking into high gear, so i'm going to have to continue this report later. hiyawatha!

SIMPLE MAN

THE NOMI SONG, MORE THEN A MOVIE FOR LITTLE GIRLY BOYS GROWING UP

As a young F.I.T. (Fag-In-Training) one of the most cherished, hallowed, inspirational moments that flushed throughout my entire late 1970's being, occured while watching Saturday Night Live. I usually went to bed around 9:30 whether it was a school night or not, since I was a devout member of the Jehovah's Witness sect, and arose early Sunday mornings for proselatyzing door-to-door and on the highways and byways of my South Central Los Angeles neighborhood.

David Bowie however was making a well publicized, rare appearance on SNL, and though i wasn't a big fan of his, i was curious how he’d look on our ancient Emerson black&white monitor, with the limited reception factor of only being able to view channels 4, 5 and 7.

According to negro urban legend of the period, the freaky Bowie had recently emerged from the hospital with his stomach pumped because of swallowing a pint load of Rod Stewart's ejaculate. My mother was already sound asleep so i crept into the living room and kept the sound down low to watch the ensuing brouhaha unfold. To my utter amazement la Bowie in a copycat Tristan Zara was flanked by two exotic looking men in elaborate make-up wearing dour frocks. One of the men i recognized from the LA local disco scene that centered around the Circus and Ginos II dance clubs. On Bowie’s left the popular Chicano queen Joey Arias who had made a name for himself by moving to New York, and was working at the uber trendy clothing hot spot Fiorucci.

The other back-up singer on Bowie’s right really caught my youthful eye. His robotlike movements and high C Susie singing voice made him much more compelling to me then Bowie, who was already at that time a huge international star. The next day after field service and theocratic ministry school I made it a point to call some pen pals of mine who lived in New York and milk them for information. My two Manhattan friends were infamous teenage boy sluts who were familiar with Klaus Nomi, but knew very little about him other then his name. The damage was already done. Soon i would be living full-time in drag in Hollywood, leaving behind my religious life and becoming immersed in the disco, punk and new wave scenes.

So what a revelation that at last there is a documentary film about the legendary Klaus Nomi. "The Nomi Song" a beautiful and compelling film by Andrew Horn, an American who has lived for decades in Berlin Germany. A country that Nomi left in 1974 to seek fame and fortune in New York City. And a country that I am desperately trying to leave Los Angeles for.

Klaus Nomi---the ultimate misnomer of the downtown New York demimonde. This film while keeping the mystery of Klaus Nomi intact is also able expand on the Nomi mythology. I'm certainly not the first fey boy to be influenced by Nomi's well crafted image. I certainly wished I had his singing skills and chops. When he made his debut appearance in a New Wave Vaudeville Review it became one of those defining moments that cemented an emerging art movement. Klaus Nomi was born camera ready for the MTV video era. Before I made a feeble attempt to move to New York in the early 80s, Nomi was on the verge of a global takeover, then suddenly he became one of the first well known artists to succomb to the ravages of Mrs. A.I.D.S. then only known as the gay cancer.

This extroidinary documentary does capture an exciting period with some never before seen archival footage and devastingly lovely, poignent moments. I never met Klaus Nomi but he is certainly one of my idols and outsider art forefathers. I wish I had a chance to experience his magic first hand, but perhaps its just as well that years later I’ve become friends with many who were a major part of his life, like the divine Ann Magnusen or the immensely talented Kristian Hoffman whose career in The Mumps, The Contortions and The Swinging Madisons I followed faithfully, and who I had a major crush on. I knew Hoffman worked with Klaus Nomi but I didn’t know that Kristian wrote some of Klaus Nomi’s songs and in true record industry fashion was ripped off by never being paid for them.

The Demon of Endor spirit that was Klaus Nomi lives on with a new generation who are now discovering his genius and in performers like Antony and the Johnson’s who are his falsetto singing, operetta children of the corn.

LET THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN
My Carter Family Tribute nite at Bricktops was a smashing success. Thank you Miss Miriam Jacobsen for writing the hot pick of the week blurb. Glen Meadmore introduced a brand new ditty and everyone in attendance was feeling very open and randy. Lots of juicy underground stars, the best the world has to offer in the form of the legendary rock goddess Miss Jayne County, who is in town looking delicious, and will be DJ-ing a fierce set at Club Screwball at the Parlour on Tuesday. Screwball is Prickle's nite with Don Bolles of the Germs and his lady faire, Darcy Leonard. That should be really hot. Too bad i'll be in the UK performing in Glasgow, Scotland for the National Review of Live Art's New Moves Festival, then on to London where i'll lecture/screen some of my trespass cinema collection at the prestigious Courtauld Institute of Art. I'm so god damn highbrow i don't know what to do with myself.

While I'm away various guests will take over in the hosting department so check the web page under New/News to see what's up during the rest of the month of February. Lots of great performers like cutie pie Creekbird, La sexie Poubelle Twins and Frankie and Tony who hail all the way from Zurich, Switzerland.
Getting back to Friday at Bricktops. Miss Lydia Lunch, the first lady of harsh was also in attendance. She will be performing a scorching set of material on Feb 24th, at the Parlour so mark that down on your calenderia. Of course all this good stuff happens while I'm away. Abby Travis stopped by looking quite perfecta with new beau, who i fixed her up with. I'm such the matchmaker for everyone but myself. Bryan Rabin was the escort for Ms. County and i love Bryan's handsome man look. Also chainmail designer Michael Schmidt was in the house giving glamour like no one else can. The cities best dressed and most exciting couple, Sasha and Mary were looking very grand ole opry. Everyone loves them, and they know how to properly soak in the allure, splendour and pagentry of dressing up. More people need to take their example of how to properly go on the town.

Bricky regulars Shauna Leone, Ming Ma and shirtless Jon Quale were also looking very stylish and elegant.

It was also nice to see Ricky Castro, the co-director of Hustler White with Bruce La Bruce, and his own Plushy/Furry film. Rick has a new photo book out that is graceful and beautiful,published by Mark Harvey. Rick and I go way back, and use to collaborate together on so many projects. We both have strong, dominant, forcefull personalities, so unfortunately we cancel each other out, and that makes it difficult to maintain a regular relationship/friendship with him, but its wonderous seeing him occasionally, as he is quite talented. Also in the crowd Ventura legend Dora! of Wilde Planet fame, and Bush Bunny who has been living back in Rhode Island. I can never remember Bush Bunny's real name. I've called him Bush Bunny for over 20 years as he was known to frequent the bushes and shrubs of the various parks in Ventura County cruising for sex. And of course he would wind up arrested---ALOT. He's infamous for having sex up in a tree at weho's blow job park, and falling from the branch as the person he was fellating began to orgasm. I love ole BB he's a good time Sally! It was also dear seeing Michele and Jason of Woodpussy and of course the royal lady of Santa Barbara County Ms. Barbara, aka Mrs. Marilyn Manson. Barbara is such a genuine and graciously divine lady, and she brought an entire bus load of fun loving Santa Barbara supporters of Glen Meadmore, and honey Ms. Meadmore needs and deserves all that love and support, because she is a treasure.

WE OH WE
This emugwai comes from the lovely Claudia Gonson of the Magnetic Fields who is the female husband of Stephin Merritt.

Friends,

I thought I'd send out a general mailing to you all to announce that Stephin Merritt is now a DJ.

With another friend, he co-DJ's an evening of 60's bubblegum and psychedelic music at an East Village bar called the "Clubhouse", Monday nights.

The night is called the "Incredibly Profound Tentacle", and there's a very sweet drink they serve there for $5 called the "Pink Tentacle", which will give you a headache in the morning...

Come by and have some candy!

Clubhouse
Ave C/9th Street
East Village
Monday nights, 9pm on.

with love,
Claudia

HASPEN BROGEL
This little emugt from dapper LA Times Style Editor Guy Trebay:

Vag,
Sorry to miss you this weekend in Los Angeleez (hard G, as in The
Grifters.) The conference thing I was doing turned out to be all day Sat.
at U.S.C., near South Central, place of your nativity. Arrived in driving
rain, was whisked to conference at near dawn and never saw daylight (if you
don't count the sun shining out of Tom Ford's butt--he and I were
officially billed as being in conversation) again until late afternoon, by
which time the city looked as beautiful as I ever saw it, the air scoured
clean, even the San B. mountains visible. Was going to call or try to get
over to Bricktops, but fell dead asleep in my glamorously empty suite at
the Standard downtown, w. its beautiful view of L.A.'s lively population of
ragamuffins and sun scorched trolls.
Next time, I guess. Hope all goes well.
XO
G.

***

Bricktops on Friday was pure loveliness. It was a Stella Dallas party in honor of Barbara Stanwyck and everyone showed up in tacky vintage outfits worth their weight in goldine. The luminous Kitten DeVille filled in for an ailing fishnet floozy, Anna Bells and boy did she show them how one becomes the queen of burlesque! Kitten is one hell of a dazzling performer and sex goddess supreme. And she balances it all with being a Xurbian wife and mother. She does it all!!!! WoW!!!
Also the Whoracle et Delphi made some startling predictions about a Tsunami attacking the west coast soon and another edict that was too much for hostess Madame Bricktops to relay. Perhaps she'll tell it this week. The high falutin celebrity mix included designer Shauna Leone, movement artist supreme Jean Spinosa, intermedia sex worker Zeb, taxi dancer Buttons Sinclair, Del Marquis of Scissor Sisters, Caleb Followill of the Kings of Leon and hunky turkish/german director Fatil Akin of the new super hot movie "Head On".
This week will be a salute to the Carter Family with Canada's favorite son, Glen Meadmore performing.

COUSIN KOUSINE
KISSING COUNSINS
I’m in trouble with the Secretary of State. Yes, thats right. I’ve made fun of her in public by singing some ribald songs about her relationship with President Shrub. Who can forget her classic Freudian slip when she let slip out during and interview calling Dubya , "Her husband" Well she actually called me on the phone asking me very nicely not to mention to the media that we are related. She's already confirmed so i don't understand why it matters now. Who would ever figure out anyway that I’m a not so distant relative of Condi, even though we do look a little alike. But now that she has formally asked me to distance my family connection, I’m going to start talking about it non-stop. Up until now I've been rather nice about it, and black drag queens are rarely nice.

So here it is, la familia "T" for all the world to know: Condolezi Rice is my cousin, and actually she’s my first cousin. Until she got involved with the president she was basically a non sexual dyke. Wound too tight and way too brittle, more so than any brittle blonde i know. Thats why she's remained a lesbian virgen, but she is definitely bumping bush with Mr. Dub. Who I’ve heard from reliable sources doesn’t have a very large penis but does have a giant mushroom headed knob. Both Diane "I Am a Man" Feinstein and Barbara Boxer were too lenient with Condi during the senate hearings, at least Babs challenged her, but not enough for it to count.

THE VOORHEESCYCLE DIARIES

This little emug came to me from hot hunky latin hungthrob Ceasar Vega who is doing his Che' thing and retracing the Guevara steps through South America.

Greetings

Happy Everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My apologies in advance for the length of this message lots to tell,
I´ll try to be brief, as my trip winds down i thought id send some
highlights your way.

PERU
Lima: underwhelming, although in the seven hours i was there i did
manage to find a casino with a huge nativity scene at the front door and then a
restaurant that was showing a soft-core porn soap opera on tv, they also
served chicken soup with corn nuts in it. i guess it wasn´t so bad.

Cusco: truly amazing, beautiful, the people are great but there is noise
polution like crazy, cabbies honk every few yards all day and all
night - i don´t know why.
Coca leaves never tasted so good - really, nothing happens but you do
avoid altitude sickness and i guess thats what happens. Also, the
prostitutes are very short here.

Machu Picchu: YOU ALL HAVE TO GO.

Lake Titicaca: slept in a straw hut on a floating island in the middle
of the lake where the people have no electricity and cook in little clay
stoves - unreal!

Bolivia: Ever wonder where all the trash goes that you see on barges and trucks
all over the world? It all goes to Bolivia, mainly La Paz. The landscape
is amazing but your chances of finding a bar of soap and toilet paper in a
bathroom are much lower than seeing a woman hack apart a roasted pig
with a machete during a bus trip somewhere. This country will make you
appreciate simple pleasures like washing your hands or wiping your ass with
something other than newspaper. Also, I had never seen an entire family pissing in
the street before.

Uruguay: Nice scenery, Montevideo is quiet except for the coked out guy in the
room next door to me that wanted me to help him double team a girl he had in
his bed "she´s pretending she´s asleep but she´s really not" is what he kept
saying, I guess i´m getting old - but at 7AM i needed coffee more than
a 3-way. Really.

ARGENTINA: I love this country, it feels like home - not like LA but comfortable.
I´ve gained about ten pounds since i got here i swear i´m becoming a
vegetarian when i get back home. They are bigger meat eaters here than in Texas,
blood sausage never tasted so good, I know it sounds sick but it is good,
it also looks sick now that i think of it but it tastes good, now that
i´m writing this i realize that the consistency of the blood sausage is also
pretty disgusting but it indeed tastes good, go figure.
This city is busy as fuck, you have european architecture and a pace
that is fast and furious cab drivers run the streets as if every fare was
part of the indy 500 and bus drivers drive as if they were in mini coopers -
lots of bad tattoos everywhere, you can smoke in cabs, restaurants, AND
you can drink while walking down the street, my favorite - LOVE IT!
My shoes were smelly as hell by the time i got here after walking
through mud, rain, Bolivia, etc. and i was a bit tired so the same day i found
one Chinese guy that washed my shoes and another Chinese guy that gave me a
massage, both with Argentinean accents - Thank Buddah (the Chinese are
everywhere) I felt like a new man.
The people are great here, cab drivers know everything about everthing
and are not afraid to tell you why the country is in bad political shape or
let you in on the conspiracy that the Chinese (the yellow giant) have in the
works to change the rate of the earth´s movement around the sun in order
cause "natural" disasters and slowly conquer the world. On the street when
you ask for directions people tell you which way to go so you dont´t get
mugged, you can see plenty of fistfights on the train depending on the
neighborhood you´re going to, its not uncommon to see a guy with his
wife and two kids zooming buy on a motorcycle, and yes lots and lots and
lots of beautiful girls.
CASQUE D'OR
And this from the super smart global editrix Glenn Belverio, I love him so much. He's brilliantine!

HI Doll - it's ok to blog this one....it's about my day today at Kelly Cutrone's office:
I show up at 4:30 sharp at the offices of People's Revolution to meet Australian fashion designers Tsubi (Yes, the ones who released live rats on the runway in Melbourne 4 years ago). The elevator doors open and I step into the room, right into the middle of a camera crew who are filming a very loud jazz-rock ensemble from the Balkans who are performing a few feet away. I timidly sit down next to Kelly Cutrone, the firebrand publicist who owns People's Rev, and when the pounding drums and screaming saxophone stops, suddenly the camera swings in my direction and a boom mic is hanging over my head. "Introduce him", orders a woman holding a clipboard. My brain is completely frozen - it's 10F outside - but I try to take it in stride. "Kelly, what the heck is going on?"

"Oh, E! is shooting a reality show about me producing my shows for fashion week" she says casually and then "THIS is Glenn Belverio, the HOTTEST fashion writer in NY and the world. He writes for the super-snooty Zoo magazine AND he's a Communist!"

"I'm NOT a Communist anymore!" I protest to the camera. "That was LAST year!"

"Oh right, I forgot. You're only a Communist when you're in China", Kelly retorts. Just then the designers from Tsubi wander in and one of them has just stepped on a rusty nail while working on his new store space. Kelly brings him some antiseptic and he runs to the bathroom. The camera crew kicks the door open and starts filming the bleeding barefoot Aussie and Kelly muscles in next to him and delivers her sales pitch "This is Nick from Tsubi, one of Sydney's hottest designers and I'M doing their PR!"

While I'm chatting with the other Tsubi designer, Kelly sweeps toward me with the camera crew in tow and gestures grandly in my direction. "And NOW - Glenn Belverio will interview the designers from Tsubi!"

"What!?" I panic "They're going to FILM me looking at their clothes and muttering 'oh wow, this is great'? What, do you think, I'm going to interview them on camera and make them cry like Barbara Wah-Wah would?!"

"They sick rats on fashion editors and YOU think you can make them cry?" a wise-cracking intern in the corner quips. She reminds me of an 18-yr old version of Birdie in "All About Eve".

"Ok, they won't film it" Kelly decides judiciously. "Hey! The yoga instructor is here! It's time for People's Rev yoga hour! Follow me boys!" And she flies into another room with the camera crew chasing after her.

THE DOUBLE HEADER
Is the name of the oldest gay bar in the country with the same owners, located in Seattle's skid row of Pioneer Square. I love this tavern---it screams history is made at gnight. I'd like to do a Bricktops, Seattle. Of course there wasn't enough time on this particular visit.
Academe Sonnet Retman brought me out to the University of Washington for a lecture series that also involved Robert Lopez of El Vez and The Zeros fame. Robert lives in Seattle and owns his own home. It was nice seeing him after what seems like ages. I haven't been to Seattle since 1996 when the Center of Contemporary Art (CoCa) last brought me out. I use to come almost once a year. Boy has the town changed since the post dot.com crash. I didn't recognize the town. UofW put me up at this cute hotel in the University District called the Watertown. Very modern with cute boys working the front desk.

After my lecture, there was a sweet reception and i chit chatted with a bevy of beaufiful young grad students. Yummy. Later the same evening i presented a juicy selection of my experimental film ouvre at the North West Film Forum. Nice crowd and the managing director is my olde Coca pal Susie Purves, who is as sweet as she can be. I received some good press, in the Seattle Times, The Stranger and even "The Gays" wrote about me.
The tall lanky director of the NW Film Forum was really sexy with his thick eyewear, and so was this young filmmaker boy who was wearing a Russian Babooshka hat
. I didn't have any major romantic escapade, and that was disappointing. Oh welp.
My good dinge queen pal, Jimothy Jones of Zero Hour fame was a wonderful hostessa taking me to the nearbye hamlet of Ballard. Which has become the new boho enclave. Loved the bars and buildings. Jimothy lives in the Queen Anne section of the city and i stayed a two nights with him after being in the hotel. He has a thai roommate and has become a lesbian with two very large cats. Ran into my former Club Sucker partner Dale at the Eagle bar, where i gather he has become the house queen. Dale seems a little sleepless in Seattle, but he looked good. I didn't realize Seattle was such a crystal meth haven. Is Crystal taking over the known world? If i'm going to become a drug mess, I'd better hurry.

O and Jeffreyland Hilberts muscular younger brother Kurt, who use to be a straight frat jock, and is now the belle of the Seattle bar scene. Kurt is a living doll, and supported me by coming to my screening with an entourage of lovely pals.
My time in Seattle ended with a giant country breakfast at a soul food cafe, that Jimothy and his sexy new boyfriend Thomas took me to. Thomas is a professional baseball player and a stud, when he gave me a hug goodbye i got to be wrapped in the strong, secure arms of a real no nonsense masculine man. Boy was it ever exciting and thrilling.

BRISKA/BRASKA
O Bricktops you never fail me girl. Honey child you are the best. Last nights Fred and Adele Astaire celebration was enchanting with a capital Q. The Hobo Jazz Band with Marquis de Gras were incredible. Such a lovely brotherhood of young boys all hailing from the Redlands area of California. I even sang "Shoes with Wings On" with the kids and almost managed to remember the words. Boy i really have Junior alzheimer's. The notables in the crowd included good time sally artist Tulsa Kinney, Richy Rich of the hot New York label Heatherette. I haven't seeen Richy since his days as a NYC klub kid. He's still the fun loving party boyzette, he's always been, and he brought two sweet girls as part of his posse. Mulholland Drive legend Rebekah Del Rio and her hot German girlfriend also partied down until closing. Rebecca is always the sexiest and best dressed in the room. I have to get her to perform again at Bricktops for our Delores Del Rio fiesta. Mr. Uncertain was looking very sharp and classy in top hat and tails. He always cuts a dashing figure, and i can't wait till our reunion in March. We're even going to compose a brand new song for the occasion. Pretty Shauna Leone said she will design me a new dress. She's so talented that i can't wait to wear one of her couture creations. Some adorable visitors came to the club---an elegant young couple who are grad students at the Art Institute and a lively eurasian youth from Missouri.

HEISMAN TROPHY WIFE BOY
Poor naive 21 year old football playing beauty Matt Leinart of USC. He's being used by hunky Nick Lachey as a semen bank in that olde school manner that faggots worked back in the 1970's, which i have to admit is a pretty clever piece of manuevering. Well he has to use that tired blonde big titty wife Jessica Simpson for something, so why not some suddenly last summer style procuring. My spies say that Matt is a true innocent, and never suspected a thing, even when the sex boiled threegy's were reduced down to a same sex duet. Since Nicky has such a hold on the kid he should advice him to stay in school his senior year and not let himself be drafted into the evil NFL, the gayest place on earth for discarding men after they've drained them of their youth and vigor.

***

Bricktops last week was very special with Nomy Lamm the gifted singer, amputee activist and writer performing with her band Tricrotic. They came all the way from San Francisco during the height of that crazy winter storm. Nommy & Co are from Chicago and are touring the country. Her co-horts Marcus Rodgers a handsome F2M plays drums and his girlfriend Erin Daly is on Violin while Nomy sings and plays accordian. They are just brilliant and I'm so glad the Bricktops kids appreciated their winning efforts. Also on hand was Don Bolles of the Germs, his ladylove Darcy Leonard form Club Screwball, Creekbird, Melissa Sexchester, Jedidiah Smith, Shauna Leone, Jean Spinosa, James Medina, Bricktops best dressed couple who are just downright charming Sasha & Mary and the first lady of harsh, the legendary Lydia Lunch.

***

Big Daddy Ron Athey cooked an amazing East Asian meal for me the other night at his Silverlake compound that warmed my heart and pallette. We talked about all the important things in life until the wee hours. My dadster is something else.

YO SOY UNA MUJER PECADORA
My article on Joel Gibb of Canada's Hidden Cameras and The Pretty Things in Zoo Magazine is now on the stands. Zoo Magazine is the new hot fashion glossy edited by the great Rebecca Voight of Dutch. In fact Zoo has risen from the ashes of Dutch. I'm on deadline right at the moment trying to finish my article on Guin Turner and I will write about my recent performances in Slovenia for Zoo, so all i will say about having been to Lubjljana is that i had a marvelous time presenting Visions of Excess. It was a huge success. All the men are tall and everyone speaks English and Italian. Pivo means beer and pobro means good. Oh and Slovenia is the suicide capital of Europe. My entire stay it was grey. Dark grey and light grey but lovely, and very wintery. The event took place at a 16th century castle with an adjacent chapel where Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper performed "The Judas Cradle" I did an excerpt of my new piece "Orifice Descending" with musical accompaniment by the avant garde orchestra BAST. Visions was presented in association with handsome Davide Grassi's arts collective Aksioma and Gallerja Kapelica which is run by Uri, who is the art czar of all the Balkans. The breakout artist of the spectacle were locals Eclipse who created this nasty interactive video game where the joystick is a dildo and you play it with your hatchet pussy. Oh talk about Ms. Packman. I was put up at the Lubjljana equivalent of a boutique hotel called M. Very pleasant and insightful trip, and this is coming from someone who hates to travel, even if i have to because its my job.

***
Bricktops New Year's Eve Courtesan Masked Ball was spectacular of course. Brian Grillo and his Grillo Follies were supurba!!!! Brian is amazing and he had able assist from juicy Abby Travis and that miracle known as Mink Stole. Brian and Mink's Bob Fosse choreography at the end of their set really went over well. I can't wait till Mink does her own night, most likely in February.

Of course i didn't get one kiss the whole evening but i did see Brad Pitt downing some of our holiday concoction Nigg Nogg with his bony wife Jennifer Anus-tin. What were they doing at Bricktops? How did they find out about it?

I guess Gwen Stefani's party wasn't interesting enough for them. My spies who had been invited to Gwen's told me that Brad & Jen never made it, and that Gwen's soiree was filled with Eve Harrington's looking desperately for a Margo.

At Bricktops everyone was dressed to the 8's and 9's. I loved the outfit that hot young white rapper Rye Berg was wearing. He was dressed like a concubine cowpoke and The Ditty Bops also looked really cute. Tom Morello who use to be in Brian's band Lock-up and Rage Against the Machine was helping Brian's brother dispose of props after they were used on stage and Jenny Lens, Augusta & Don Spiro were capturing all the majick on film. Sexy, chubby movie cholo Jacob Vargas(from the new movie The Flight of the Phoenix) and his entourage came expecting a surprise show by Morrissey who told me he wanted to sing some B. Lillie and Gertrude Lawrence songs. Well maybe he'll show up one day this month and do it. Why are Latino men so into Morrissey?

MOCK-DEVOTIONAL ECSTASY
One of Vaginal Davis' all time super heroines died recently, NO not Susan Sontag though i did admire her. I'm talking about the first Colored person to seek a major party nomination for president, and the first negress elected to Congress, where she served for 13 years. Her name was Shirley Chisholme and she was also also one hell of a dagger doddle, having had a lesbiana relationship with comedienne Jackie "Moms" Mabley. Shirley was also married to a couple of men for variety purposes. My favorite Shirley Chisholme quote:

". . .I hae grown to detest many of the white Northern liberals who are always ready with rhetoric about equal opportunity in jobs and education [However] when the time comes to put the heat on, in committee and on the floor, and do something, like passing an amendment or increasing appropriation, too many of these white knights turn up missing,"

My sentiments exactly.

***
go to http://www.camazotz.com/misc/sphere.jpg
for the most scathing film review ever written

***

And this from the great white north via Bruce "Judyline" LaBruce:

did some one leave a cake out in the rain? oy. you think you’ve got problems, ladygod? the whorelydays are really dragging me down, down, down, sucking me out to sea like a tsunami. i just got back from my parents’ farm where I spent three days in too-close proximity to my three witchly sisters. i couldn’t figure out if it was shakespeare, chekhov or woody allen. actually it was kind of like interiors down on the farm. two of them had their pussy whipped mates with them (actually very nice fellows), so there was eight of us crammed into this little snowbound farmhouse breathing down each other’s necks. plus my youngest sister, who suffers from depression, has three or four cats, and she was pet-sitting two dogs and another cat, so it was like a menagerie. you couldn’t be alone for one second of the day. three days seemed like three weeks. there’s no where to go, so we just went snow-shoeing everyday back to the bush. it was so chekhov. we say a snowy owl. my dad is a clint eastwood fanatic and there was a marathon of clint’s movies on tv so it was all clint eastwood all the time. i guess it could have been worse. i was really missing the muslim (Bruce's ex-boyfriend) because he usually sees the humour in those sorts of situations. since the muslim has been gone i’ve been trying to forget my sorrow by getting fucked up a lot on drugs and fucking everything in sight. it’s kind of working. i haven’t even seen Zoo Magazine with joel (lead singer of Toronto's Hidden Cameras) in it yet. check out the next tank magazine for a spread i did recently with the naked boy knitting model i shot for honcho, justus’ ex boyfriend (but we won’t hold that against him.) he’s 20 now, and a little more manly, so they’re pretty hot. this cute argentinian stylist from london flew over and we shot it before xmas. the photos are nice, but i don’t know what tank will end up doing with them. tank is sort of like zoo’s rival i gather. this little stylist’s name was francesco. you would love him. he’s very stylisty, very particular and kind of snobby – you know, like all stylists. normally i don’t like stylists – i only like them when they want to work with me, and make the effort to come to toronto to do it. then i like them. like romain, the french one from tetu. i think i’m going to go to paris in early feb to shoot another tetu spread. i’m going to do a little variation on breathless, which i just watched again up on the farm. when jean seberg looks at belmondo through the rolled up magazine and he’s sitting there with a cigarette and then it jump cuts to a close-up of the two kissing, i cried because it was so beautiful. i do that now. it must be age. i also cried when jean seberg asks the novelist she’s interviewing at orly what his greatest ambition in life is and he says “to become immortal, and then to die”, and jean seberg turns and looks straight into the camera with a really sad face. it’s as if she knew that she would soon be a dead legend. sad sad sad. i love her. so some asshole complained about my website so paypal won’t let me sell my stupid raspberry reich t-shirts anymore. fuckheads. don’t they know art when they see it? do i have to draw them a diagram? heathens. well, buck up for the new year, lady. don’t worry, judy will be coming to town soon. tell me all about the balkans. i’m going to zagreb in a couple of weeks. miss you much. xx x blab

more bruce on bruce:

omigod i must have mad cow. i forgot the best part. ok, so just before i
left for the cruel farm i watched passolini's salo, the perfect christmas
movie. (i'm writing about it and some other obscure dirty movies for
nerve.com.) i watched dusav makavejev's sweet movie as well, which also has
a lot of people shitting and drinking piss and vomiting and stabbing each
other in the genitals. it's sort of like the upbeat version of salo. so then
i go to the farm and on christmas day some genius cable station is playing
the exorcist and i watch about a half an hour of it before i get scared and
have to turn it off. i watch it in the "back kitchen", as we call it, this
room in the farm house that has a wood stove and that is very cozy, but it's
also where my sister is keeping the dogs she is sitting - a fat black lab
and a shitzu mix. so the next day i wake up and the house is in chaos. one
of the dogs has had diarrhea and shits all over the room. also the toilet has
backed up and run over upstairs and no one can find the plunger. and my
father wakes and feels something wet on his face, reaches up and realizes
that he's bleeding profusely from his nose! circle of blood, circle of shit!
it was bizarre. merry christmas! x blab

WEINENDE MANNER
Barbara Young the lovely first and only wife of Marilyn Manson, as far as I'm concerned, cooked a glorious holiday meal for me and Glen Meadmore at her Santa Barbara compound. Glen and Barbara are madly in love with each other, but don't realize it. Hopefully one day . . .

Of course i stuffed myself silly and Barbara's sweet friend from South Afrikan via Mozambique, the Lady Carole, made these delicious bourbon balls that i devoured in an instant. Its nice to leave LA ever so often during the tired Pagan adopted Christian holiday melee.

Bricktops on Friday was very raucaus. Everyone was in a get down 2night kinda mood, for our Pagan/Druid/Wiccan celebration. The buxom burlesque ingenue Penny Starr Junior performed a scintilating salute to Charles Dickens and that divine Princess of Hollywood Pleasant Gehman was the Sugar Rum Fairy. I've known Plez for a million years and she gets younger and younger. I love that she's such a good time Sally.
Famous punk rock photographer Jenny Lens dropped by and is another lady who loves life. She also is looking really good and healthy. Rev Dan of Stella's StrayPop on KXLU popped in with a dapper smile, and Diggie Diamond of Foreskin 500 who just moved to Los Angeles from New York. I also shared a kiss with Canadian art star Marcel Dzuma---boy is he one hot child. I could give him mylast paycheck. Too bad i don't have a paycheck.

GEGEN DIE WAND
Thursday i was the last minute replacement for Extreme Elvis at the UCLA Live John Waters Christmas Party. Hector was my assistant for the day and we arrived at Royce Hall around 2pm beating the traffic and getting the chance to hit all the T-rooms on campus. Lots of lovely boy beauties abounding. Ran into sweet David Pendleton of the UCLA film archives. I adore David, he performs in Mark Simon's The Boyfriend review and speaks a million languages just like my pals Marcu Siegel and Daniela Romana who are living at the moment in East Berlin. In the Sunday Times there was a big article about expats in Berlin and Marcu was an interview source.

My artist liaison at UCLA was a sweet lil girl named Ajna who had a labrador retriever that insisted on sniffing at my cooze. What is it with dogs and my cootchie. Well i guess i should be happy that someone wants to sniff at it. Can someone also explain to me the connection between white people and dogs or just pets in general. My mother use to say that people who cannot handle intimate relationships with other humans become obsessed with animals because an animal will just love you unconditionally where its a bit more complicated dealing with other humanoids. I can barely take care of myself, so i'm not a big fan of pets or children. Sorry.

The UCLA event was cute. I found out that this Extreme Elvis characters is kindof GG Allin like, throwing his feces about and doing enemas on stage, so thats probably why i got the gig. Soundcheck went well, but then at showtime my backing CD was having trouble playing. Good thing i was able to establish a good rapport with the audience, so i recovered somewhat nicely. And they make union wages at UCLA?

Producing John Waters Christmas special is Ian Brennan who is the fiance of Lysa Flores who is in Alice Bags band Stay at Home Bomb. I had a nice time chatting and hanging with Phranc, the famed Jewish Lesbian folksinger and cardboard cobbler who had a bunch of nifty products for sell including her handmade cardboard tighty whitey, bra, & panty christmas decorations plus some of her collectors item CD's and records. I can't wait till Phranc performs at Bricktops doing her Gertrude Stein salute Phranc-n-Stein. its going to be amazing. I also enjoyed the comedy stylings of the very sexy Marga Gomez. She's really adorable. Flirted with a lot of cute coeds and grabbed some bountiful packages. I was wearing my haute couture Alexander McQueen holiday dress and everyone wanted a picture with me. Got to rub shoulders with Water's alumni Adrian Grenier(Cecile B. Demented) Matthew Lilliard (Serial Mom) Brendan Sexton III(Pecker) Ricki Lake looking beautiful without any make-up with her hunky new beau Apollo a big dicked Rican. Thank god she got rid of that user husband Rob Sussman or whatever his name was, who never had a job. Ricki told me that i was soooo right about him. Always listen to Ms. Davis. Mink Stole was with Dennis Christopher and they both were shining like platinum. Mink will be performing as part of the Grillo Follies at my New Year's Eve Spectacular. Mr. Waters was hilarious of course. He was dressed really nicely in crush velvet and wickle picker shoes. That man can make a dead dog laugh.

The next night was Bricktops. Richard Halperin, Mr. Tin Pan Alley was performing a salute to Al Jolsen. Boy can Richard belt and croon. What a major talent. We started the show pretty late as it looked like very few people were going to show up. Then suddenly out of nowhere it was jam packed.

It was great seeing burlesque goddesses Penny Starr Jr and from NYC Dirty Martini plus the Hobo Jazz Man who took thank god, took that nose ring out. He's so handsome he doesn't need modern prim affectations. It was also a pleasure to welcome the most stylish couple who come to Bricktops Miss Mary Pagone and Sasha Fuentes. Their outfits always match and are pure genius. I also love Melissa Sexchester, Jean Spinosa, Swedish designer Morgan Olsen and Shauna Leone who never fail to excite the crowd with their socialite graces.

John Waters graced us with his presense for a moment before he had to whisk off to his next gig. Casey Afflect and that horndoggy Alexander Payne of the wine movie Sidelines or whatever its called were arguing loudly at the bar but the real rebel rousers were the rockstar contingent of Alex Kapranos, NIck McCarthey of Franz Ferdinand and Brandon Flowers the singer of the Killers. They arrived drunk, and left even drunker. Thats so Bricktops folks.

Today I want to go see the new Almodovar film and then run around with last minute errands because I'm off to the Balkans for Visions of Excess. Everyone is converging at the castle in Lubljana. I can't wait to hang out with the NSK avant garde.

LITTLE JUDY KELLY
These ramblings from our favorit Canuck, Bruce "Judy" LaBruce:

oh yeah, i saw the Galiano thing in tetu. he totally ruined the tony ward hustler white look. added mucklucks and chains and his cowboy hat was too big and new looking – he made him look like
a faggot eskimo cowboy.

i’m sure you look glamorous, like jeremiah johnson. i dunno. i’m all confused about the muslim now. i vaseline between getting all emotional and torn up that he’s leaving and kind of thinking that it might be all for the best. he definitely has to go back and sort out his destiny and her child. ah well. you know me. i’m like you. a loner with a boner.
ha ya here comes the gay divorce. i saw him on tv getting married or something too! he’s always been soooo politically correct. get this. scott thompson is making a reality show for canadian tv about gay marriage. he finds gay and bulldagger couples who want to marry and sort of acts as the wedding planner. it’s really bizarre. he says all the couples are totally dysfunctional and their families usually hate them. figures. xxxxxxxx blab

kisses