LILLY ST. CYR

Went to the Velvet Hammer’s sparkling presentation of Illuminata at the new Avalon Theatre formerly the Hollywood Palace. Just an amazing spectacle of bountiful bouliciousness. My young goddaughter Michele Carr is a masterful directrice and producer. I’m so proud of her achievements, and to think she started off as one of my discoveries when I made her a Dominette in Pedro Muriel and Esther way back in the early 90s. She’s come along way and has carved her own special niche in the heritage burlesque scene and is destined to conquer, conquer, conquer.

Oh Bricktops, you always amaze me, and with the Ditty Bops performing you can’t go wrong. I’ve been waiting forever to have the girls back and they never disapoint. LA hasn’t seen this much youthful beauty and talent in many years. There is no stopping this group from rising to the high ranks. Their new CD is flawless, and soon everyone will be dripping in the envy and magique that is The D Bops. There aren’t enough words to express my admiration for this group, and the boys in the band-Yowza, the piano man---masculine perfection, a barrel chested cross between silent screen stars George O’Brian and Gilbert Roland---ladies he will make you scream with shrill delight! and the stand up bass player, I was won over immediately with his tousseled hair good lucks and husky, young Gary Cooper aw shucks demeanor. I wonder what his bung hole tastes like? Oh and the group’s photographer what a red hot silver foxxxxxx!!! He got my cooze all wet and hanging, and his publicity photo of Abby and Amanda shimmers.

So many hot celebutantes came out this week a nice mixture of mainstream and underground starinas just the best recipe for a club nite. Pre-Rafaelite lovely, Melissa Auf Der Maur with Josh Homme(Queen of Stone Age) and Brant Bjork. The delish female husband of Stephin Merritt and singer with the Magnetic Fields, Claudia Gonson. New York elite The Dueling Bankheads, Ebony Jett (who now lives in LA). Ron & Russell Mael of Sparks, hotel hunkina Andre’ Belaz with new honey Uma Thurman (looking ravishing now that she dumped that loserick husband of hers Ethan Hawke. The legends legends of LA club royalty Richard Velasco, Tra La La, Henry Peck and Fertile La Toyah Jackson with fiance. Fertile is getting married on May 29th. Bricktops regulars Dan, Monica and Princess Isabella, Mulholland Drive beauty Rebecca Del Rio, and social celebrity Jean Spinosa who brought a gaggle of infamous Bay Area luminaries including Jenna of the late, great literary and arts magazine Flatter with Christine of the Bernal Heights Coven.

I sang a brand new song about Hitler that went like this:

Oh Adolf Hitler
Hitler, Adolf
You’re alive and well tra la la
living it up in Argentina

Oh Mister Hitler, Adolf Hitler baby
they saved your brain, and penii
ooh la la
you’re having lots of sex in
Argentina

Oh Hitler juicy Adolf
you still rule the world
and the Whitehouse
Tar Ta
and you do it so well
from Buenos Aires
Argen-tina

Oh and I got a million emugs wanting to know the lyrics to the new song I sang the other week called Chicken and Waffles. Well here they are for your perusal:

Chicken and Waffles
waffles and chicken
lickity splits
and don’t forgets me
some Harmony grits

Chicken and waffles
waffles and chickens
buttermilk biscuits
I’d love to munch on your
literal Harmony grits

PERPETUAL WAR FOR PERPETUAL PEACE

Just received this great emug from the handsomest man on the planet, writer Mark Simpson, who is responsible for coining the term 'Metrosexual'. We've been friends now for a few years and he has the sharpest mind in all of Christendom. I share with you what he wrote plus the email i wrote him so that there is a little context.

Voila:

Devastating glamourpuss sexkitten
Not only are you terrifyingly pretty you're also frighteningly psychic - i was in the US recently (and met up with a friend/fan of yours, Peter McQuaid)
In the course of my visit i did indeed end up wedged between a couple of paratroopers and ended up ravishing the rump of one of them (the married one).
Though in hindsight I wonder if I wasn't actually the one being ravished - or at least my 'uncut English cock' they kept going on about
but that's straight paratroopers for you.
By the way, I'm writing up the story for Salon so I'll forward you it when it airs - the proceedings were also filmed, but I've yet to summon the courage to sign the model release.
Because of nerves (you may not believe this, but I'm not a natural exhibitionist) I was only able to summon a semi-erection - and with two very friendly young members of america's elite forces on hand to help, what could my excuse be?
Alas, my itinerary didn't take me to southern california, but I'm hoping to make that journey later this year - and then we will be re-united - perhaps I might be able to write about your event for some mag.
Very sorry you haven't had your copy of ST MOZ, but it seems no one has - the publisher's distributor in the us is the same criminally incompetent outfit that distributed THE QUEEN IS DEAD - i've threatened them with all kinds of wrath if they don't get you a copy asap.
When do you leave for East Berlin? I've never visited East Germany or Eastern Europe, even though I have a degree in Eastern European history. The GDR was my favourite Iron Curtain country. I hear that East German boys are so much more aryan than the West German boys.
I think it must be all that mass rapes by the Red Army at the end of the war. The slavs always looked more like the Nazi propaganda heroes than the Nazis.
Mx

----- Original Message -----
From Ms. Davis
marksimpson.com
Sent: Monday, April 05, 2004 8:19 PM
Subject: Re: ST MOZ


darling handsome masculine perfection: i sit here in my humble studio looking out my window at downtown los angeles, thinking of you, and the young hornacious rumps that you've most likely been devasting lately.

Oh those fortunate military youth---seminal depositories, fated to be mandraked by the biggest and the best. Years from now when they look back on your pillaging of their succulent innards, they will sigh heavy in kind.

I've just been involved in the regular doldrums, trying my best to create art in an artless world. Looking forward to finally leaving the U.S. of A for the former GDR, East Berlin. I had a marvelous time their in 2001 spending six glorious months performing and hopping off to other cities for shows and getting the chance to meet you in the fleshy flesh. There is no inspiration in this Los Ang town, so i must leave for better green dolphin streets.

My roaring 20s club Bricktops is going strong. Having a blast putting it on every week, but its tiresome at the same time.

Haven't gotten the St. Moz book yet. Does you publ have my current mailing address?

Vaginal Davis Jr.
Cheese Endique Trifecta
P.O. Box 741-278
Hancock Park, CA 90004-9278
USA

When will you be visiting the colonies? In July Ron and I may be putting together another Platinum Oasis art event, this time in a bathhouse----yummy. Of course everyone will wind up having lots of sex, except me. The storina of my life.

i remain your devoted and loving loyal servant
keeper of the flame and sacred cult of Mark Simpson, the demi-god.


Vagimula

THUD

I've been on the program lately. It feels good not to drink. Professor Doyle took me to dinner at the new Rowena restaurant Blair. Superb food, and service. I wanted a glass of wine with dinner, but i resisted the temptation. The chef use to be at The Water Grill, and he is really sexy, so is the latino sous chef. Lots of people we knew also eating. Dr. D's cute gallic friend with this girl who owns a gallery in Chinatown on North Broadway and also the mulatto director of the movie Drumline was eating with one of the Outfest board of directors, a lovely black lady who is a major studio executrix.

had a joyous meeting with Steven Vowels the mgr of the Flex Compound. He seems to be congenial about our having an art event on the premises. If it happens it will be a historic occasion.

Bricktops was pure genius. Anna Biller a sweet Cal Arts girl performed as Miss Pettyflowers with a male companion. They sang a trib to Gertrude Lawrence that involved music from the 1900s to the 1960's. Great costumes that Anna makes herself.

The Heatherette fashion collective came by with a bunch of pals along with tranny oddity Amanda LePore. Sudanese model Alek Wek stopped in with directors Antoine Fuquo and the Michael Gondry who directed the latest Jim Carey flick. Lots of people dressed to the 9ines. Just the way i like it at Bricky's.

COME BACK LITTLE BATHSHEBA

When i saw those images in the newspaper, i thought it was some charcoaled pinata that those men were beating with a shoe. Then i read the article attached. Horrific. The countdown to Armegeddon is just beginning. Mind you the other night i received a vision about a giant earthquake that will happen in Los Angeles in the next month. There isn't going to be any way you can prepare for this one.

MR BLANDINGS

Books I must read: ""Too Much Flesh and Jabez", "White on Black on White" and
"A Starbright Lie" all by Coleman Dowell.

Went to see "The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". Best performances by Jim Carrey ever. I usually hate him and his mugging, that is in the Robin Williams school of needing too much attention, but this time out, he was really subdued, and he reminded me of the same Jim Carrey I use to know back in the 80s when he went out with my friend Kelly Stallings, and was shy and retiring. Kate Winslet is super amazing in the film and Mark Ruffalo just makes me want to scream and bite him, he’s so damn sexy with those lips and that thick full hair, plus he has a bubble butt and may I say that Kirsten Dunst is a very good young actress, but she sure is haggy for such a young girl. By the time she’s 30 she will look 50, which only adds to her charm.

Oh I forgot to relay that I saw Lypsinka at the Stammer Buffet. I guess she was trying to work a butch look. I hope it paid off for her.

FARFLUNG

Hosted Far Fetched event for the Foundation for Art Resources (Far) Saturday. The event took place at this 1920s warehouse space that is below the 4100 Bar (formerly the Detour) The first time I performed at this space was almost 20 years ago for this party put on by Mickey Petralia and the Power Tools gang. My performance group The Afro Sisters were the headliners and opening up for us was Jane’s Addiction. It was the second time they opened for me. One of their first gigs was at a Theoretical Party at the Park Plaza Hotel in MacArthur Park, and I was the headliner for that too. The sound was really murky. My Bricktops performance wasn’t really suited to the space. The FAR gang did a good job cleaning the place up. The building is used for rock video and movie filming and is owned by the same people who rent out the Antonio Moreno Silverlake mansion.

Mr. Uncertain wasn’t featuring the whole thing. He’s such a snob. Well to be honest, I felt like I was turning into that drag queen hostess Momma, with doing a raffle. What next bingo?

Drank way too much. Got home and hurled up all over myself before making it to the toilet. Disgusting.

The next day i felt miserable. Ate at the Last Cap b4 the 101. Unseasonably warm, hate it. Slept all day till early evening, then went to Mrs. Stammer for the sunday buffet. Lots of fugmos. Played it aloof and one Garden Grover asked if he could give me a massage. He said the magick word, and proceeded to get the Dolls proverbial gnut. Took Metro back to Hollywood, ate some pizza and called it a night. Too bad i have to wake up early.

Was taken to dinner last week for my birthelday by the great Karol DeGraffenreid and her handsome Scandanavian husband Kejhl Johansen to Musso & Frank. We had a delightful time, laughing the night away. Lots of olde time stars like Tony Curtis were eating next to us, plus some bland rock n rollers from groups that I don’t even know, but everyone else seemed to recognize them. Kejhl use to be in the old art punk band The Urinals. He still does music, but his day job is a lawyer with the LA District Attorney’s office. I really have a varied group of friends.

Had a breaky get-to-gether with Meesh of the Epiladies at the Brite Spot in Echo Park. They are under new management. I hate change, but maybe its for the best. They redesigned the mens restroom so now you don’t have to be a fidget to use it. I also got together with Jeffreyland Hilbert UK and Miss Morgan of Rhodes. We had a hoot of a girlfriend friendly time. Jeffreyland may be from Idaho, but he is blacker then me and Morgan combined.

Bricktops Enrico Caruso Nite was a smash hit. Alex Garcia of Club Chubb performed singing two arias, and he is mega talented. He didn’t even use a microphone, but he projected so well, no one had a hard time hearing him. Just brilliant. Ruben Studard watch out, there’s a new teddy bear in town, with a cock ring. Lots of cute kids and new faces. My big dicked ginger headed boy came into the DJ booth to give me a whiff of all that stuffed in his pantaloons. Wowza!!!!! Semi regular Tim Armstrong of Rancid and his nicely dressed posse showed up along with Sammy Naceri the French/Arab star of the film "La Mentale". Bibbe Hansen and Sean Carrillo were also looking splendid, as well as Don & Augusta, Albert of Watts, Jean Spinosa, Marky M and his cute boy brigade, Norman Ghoulsen of the Acres, Richard "Al Jolsen" Halperin, and a scantily clad Maggie Gyllenhaal. I love you Mag, but I wish you’d bring your brother Jake to the club. I’d like to suck on him.

PASSAGE TO MARSEILLE

Bricktops is so unpredictable. I never know what to expect every Friday. Had a wonderful night---the theme was completely goofball---- a Saint Patrick’s Day Fellatio Party. Whatever that means. I guess it was wishful thinking on my part that all the men would just start pulling out their penises. Shannon Kelley who use to be a main programmer with Outfest was the special guest. He played cello and sang beautifully some Irish songs and shanty’s. It was joyous. I created an original ditty that went like this:

"Pull a train on me,
come on you can do it.
the giddy abandon of the gang bang is just a rite of passage
young men have to go through, so
you have my permission to pull a train on me."

You could have heard a pin drop during that number.

I don’t understand it, but a ton of famous people were at the club. One of my favorite French actresses Isabelle Adjani(Queen Margo/The Story of Adele H) looked incredible. I couldn’t tell if she has had plastic surgery. She must have---the woman looks really young, and she's at least 50 by now.

Yuguslav tennis star Svetozar Marinkovic who use to be married to Mike Tyson’s ex, Robin Givens came with Swiss Tennis pro Roger Federer who is really young, sexy and hot hot hot!!!! I wonder if the two Europeans are fudgepacking each other.

Alex Kapranos of the Scottish band Franz Ferdinand, was really taking quite a lsuper duper liking to Mr. Uncertain, so was one of my favorite underrated actors Matthew Lillard(Scooby Doo), aussie hunkina Heath Ledger, Mark Ruffalo, Josh Schwartz, the producer or write of some TV show called Orange County and Gonzaga college basketball cutie Cory Violette rounded out the crazed mix of partygoers. There was even this strange model/actor couple who came to the DJ booth asking if the music i was playing was all that would be heard all night. They obviously stumbled into the club unaware of the theme, but they stayed till closing which i didn't expect.

THE WEEK THAT BLURRED

Due to my silly sickness the last week or so is very hesitant. This is all that i could remember:

Doug Gordon took me and Tommy Gear of the Screamers to a nice dinner at this designy Pho noodle house in Silverlake. Doug gave me very sweet birthday presents that i adore. Tommy gave me preview of the new book he has designed for Lyle Ashton Harris. Its quite beautiful. I need to get busy and work on my book.

Had breaky with Lady Bunny and Ebony Jett at House of Pies. I was feeling lousy. First time i've eaten at HOP since Mary Magdalene's death. Felt strange. Bunny is in town DJing for some MACY event at the BEv Center. Crazy as ever. She wrote a song for Lady Miss Kier that George Clinton has also added some vocals and riffs. Wow

Andreas returns from San Francisco. He's staying with me at my little apartment. Not much room.

Debbie King and Tim's band Maw & Paw perform at Bricktops for our William Butler Yates night. Nice crowd, cute kids in the band. Debbie is a hot star, i just love her!!!!! My sickness put me in the worse mood and of course I did the worse performance ever, my singing really sucked.

Did formal yard sale. Lots of people came out. Everyone thinks i'm leaving in a week or so. I'll still be here for some time, one can't change countries in a second.

Had to send Andreas packing. Not enough room for two people when one is sick with a cold. Thank god Daddy took him in. Poor Andreas isn't exactly connecting with the mensis here in Los Ang. Wish i could be a better host, but i'm not feeling well.

Friday at Bricktops its a salute to Valaida Snow with a marvelous performance by My Barbarian. Malik wrote a brand new musical score. All three of the kids in high spirits with great singing and choreography. Lovely crowd of cuties.

Sexy Roddy Bottom of Imperial Teen came by, Don Bolles of the Germs and Lukas Haas who plays Don in the movie about the Germs. Bibbe Hansen looking gorgeous with new hairstyle. Great seeing newlyweds Tulsa Kinney and Charlie Rappelye.

I'm not feeling well, but i rise to the occasion and belt out a little ditty about the Passion of the Christ that goes like this:

The Passion
the passion of the Jesus p. christ child
Its not a sin
for me to not be featuring
Mel Gibson

GIRTHDAY PARTY

My formal girth celebration with Frank Rodriguez of Club Sucker was held this year at MJ’s on Hyperion(formerly Woody’s) We wanted to have a dance party and the newly redesigned homo moderne club made it convenient for us. Bar manager Tom Walker was very gracious and courteous, so was his staff. The high tech equipment took a while to get use to, as I’m not technically oriented, but once I started the first round of spinning, I didn’t want to leave the booth.

Guest DJ’s included Sit n Spin/Trade legend Jeffreyland Hilbert-UK, Monkey Bone, Glenn Masculine, and Sexnation Matt. We premiered new films by Ste’Eve Harrington Hall and Lil Papa’s Triatheletes, Wrestling Champs and Showering Jocks Montages. Yummy.

Tons of celebutants partook in the proclitities: Entertainment 2Nite producer extroidinaire, and legendary punk beauty Jane Cantillon, Meesh and Selene Luna of the Epiladies, director Darren Stein(Jawbreaker), Heather Cassils and her high holy Toxic Titties Collective, Daniel Bruhl of "Good Bye, Lenin!", Nuyorican poet Willie Perdomo, fighting promoter Raul Garzon with his handsome Tijuana boxing champ Erik Morales, Silverlake socialite Rage Brenna, Ron Athey, Electroclash godfather Dave Harrow of Technova fame, writer Lisa Teasley, make-up artist to the stars Jeff Judd, filmmaker Laura Nix, Rob Zebrecky and Arthur editor Jay Badcock, LA Weeklytes Steven Mikulan and the lovely Sandra Ross, derma tex guru Eddie Gilmore, Sony Pictures Exec Michael "Twee" Dykes, Stuart Townsend (without Charlize) designers, Marky Magdaleno, and Morgan Olsen, Lyor Cohen, the former chief execuive of Island Def Jam now with Edgar Bronfman’s Warner Music Group, Kent William Albin with some writers from Fashion Daily, Visionaire and Women’s Wear Daily, Marvina Jones, writer and independent curator David Cotner, Professor Jennifer Doyle, F2M film editor Billy Rich(Black Hawk Down) and Mrs. Michael Glass of Amok Books fame.

KINGS CROSSING

Had to get up early to start my yard sale in front of Daddy Athey’s garage at his Silverlake compound. All my collectibles that have been in storage for 2 years and are finally within my ladylike grasp. I’m trying to sell as much as I can to finance my moving to East Berlin. Amazingly with no fanfare I sold quite a lot. Had to end the sale early because my Italian pal Andreas was arriving at my studio from London at around 3:30. Of course the subway and busses are not running on schedule because of the damn Acadamy Awards. I hate the Oscars. I haven’t watched it since 1983 or 84. Its so dull, how can anyone in their right mind stand viewing it. People I know who’ve been to the ceremony said that its even more boring in person. If I’m ever nominated I promise I won’t attend.

Took my guest for a bit of sight seeing on Hollywood Blvd. He was disapointed at the tacky clothing stores and lack of glamour. I don’t blame him. We ate some pizza and then had some drinks at the Spotlight Pub. The hustlers were hideous except for one very young, but very womanly boy whore, who would have been attractive if he didn’t gesture so much or talk. He really ruined it when he started lipsynching to Shania.

We ended the evening at the tired sauna. I warned Andreas that it would be mostly speed freaks in a tweaky frenzy. Surprise, surprise I actually got way laid by this giant handsome visiting Brit with a huge willis, giant muscles and thyroid eyes. Poor A. didn’t find his prince Harming, though as we were leaving we did see this little blondine dork, wearing glasses with an amazing body. Of course whenever I have sexel I need to eat immediately, so I had a late nite snack at Popeyes, which was filled with nutters homeless waifs, sociopaths, skitsofrenics, and the icky bridge and tunnel kids that go to all those lame Hollywood clubs.

Woke up early to resume the yard sale. Nice having A helping me. Daddy Athey took him to catch his bus to San Fran where he’ll be till Thursday then back with "The Doll". Made some good sales and had a power bitch meeting with Kirsten of Outfest. Seems like they want us back, after the disaster of Platinum Snapmeat. Kirsten has brought together a great new crew including Moj who is a delight----Very organized and cute.

SO THIS IS LOVE?

Was the theme for Bricktops as we saluted high C susie Grace Moore. Julianna Snapper the musicalogist and intermedia Opera diva, sang to perfection, looking ravishing at the same time. Her accompanyist Linda Kernahan added a gentle, delicate touch in her piano playing that gave the proceedings an ethereal quality. Ms. Snapper and Ron Athey are collaborating on a new piece that will premiere in England called the "Judas Cradle" based on, of all things, the Inquisition. One movement in the new piece is titled, "That Disassociated Feeling" Pure geniustata.

Making the pilgramage to Bricky’s to shower praises on Heather Cassils and her Toxic Titties posse, Rage, Sean Griffin, Dame Darcy, Gwen Kahn, Toby McGuire, Sofia and Roman Coppola, Ron Athey and his butch realness Swiss beau Maxmillian, Miss Morgan Olsen who made Ms. Davis’ stunning gown, Tre Cool(Green Day) Tim Armstrong (Rancid), The Herbst Twins,. Europa, Meesh of the Epiladies, Kent William Albin, Shauna Leone, Sylvia Rhone CEO of Elektra Entertainment (without her gal pal Missy Elliot) and John Fruciante of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Bricktop sang a new ditty that went like this:

Bricktops, Brickbottoms
tops, bottoms
sloppy bottoms, mud slides

it takes its toll
one never knows what
will come out of an olde bung hole

BABY THE RAIN MUST FALL

And boy did it last night going to this tired party for Fashion Wire Daily at this new ugly bar/restaurant called Bliss that is anything but. The only reason i went was that my New York pal Kent who use to be the minister of informacion with Fischerspooner was connected, but i didn't see him anywhere, and me and my companion Christine Pelisek of the LA Weekly were appalled at the FUGLY crowd, bad music and overall tepidness of the scene. And a party without FREE FOOD is no party. The licquor sponsor Extreme, well lets just say i hope this company goes under, and Bliss will most likely be closed in less then a month as well.

WHAT WE DO IS SECRET

Thats the name of the bio pic of Darby Crash and the Germs. Shane West is going to play Darby. Thats a good choice. He's young and cute and does resemble him in way. Though i think they should use Shia LeBouf. Shane is a little too old now. Bijou Phillips as Lorna Doom is fantastic casting. This is a secret, so please don't tell anyone, but i tricked with Shane a few years ago when he was coming from that 24 hour gym on Beverly Blvd near LaCienega. I don't remember the name of the gym but its connected to where Malie Finn has her casting offices. Shane is quite the dinge queen, and i put on a masculine ghetto thug act, since that was obviously what he was in the mood for. Lets just say this. He wasn't shy. And i have his underwear as a momento.

One of my good girlfriends is getting a divorce. She is handling it extremely well, I'm proud of her and love her dearly. Another one of my girlyfriends, the famous Fertile LaToyah Jackson is getting married. And no she isn't preggers. Fertile's day job is an elementary school teacher. She just bought a house in a beautiful section of Pasadena, and now is getting hitched. I'm so proud of her. She's finally grown up into a responsible and committed young woman.

Hector, the Scandanavian Mexican cooked me a delicious birthday dinner last night. I'm really working my birthday so that it will last a year. My formal party is this Thursday. I hope it doesn't rain on my Streisand parade.

KISS THEM FOR ME

Getting an avalanche of emails about the erotic short "Wo ist Manfred" i made with Swiss uber hunk Cyril Kuhn for Bricktops. All i can say is, "its about time someone put humour back in the bedroom where it belongs!"

ONTARIO CONTRARIO


This email just sent to me from Joel Gibb of Canada's brilliant musical group, The Hidden Cameras. Joel is also in the latest issue of BUTT magazine

vag, hey there nice to hear from you. what you been up
to? I have been finishing up a new record called
mississauga goddam and am going to scandanavia next
week, i can't wait for the men.....
summer sounds like a possibility, sex motel yes, hook
me up babe
Joel

INVITATION TO THE DANCE

Dinner with Daddy, Yuroslav "Slava" Mogutin and his modern dance lover Raul Dumas at the Bitchen in Silverlake. Of course I arrived way too early and went next door to the KnackBar for a dwink. Bo the sweet burly bartender, was feeding me stiffies entreveneously. Daddy found me sloshed and dragged me to supper. Everyones brothers uncle was eating at the Bitch on this night. Sitting next to us was Lord Andrew of Gould and his lover Lenny, the young Elder. In the next room was Juan Fernandez, his boywife, Tad Coughenour and some visiting dagger royalty. Then Glen Meadmore pops in with his tranny girlfriend Nekko followed by Professor Doyle and her Frenchman Laurent. It continued like this the entire evening. After eating we popped back into the bar to hear Mrs. Michael Glass DJ his soul classixxxxx. Of course Slava and Raul turned all the male heads. That cha-cha designer Jose of Exit One fame has a new mail order child bride. Where does he find them? Of course Jose's young boy prize wanted my visiting Europeans who were eager sanctioned for dragging him back to their hotel in Venice.

CHAVEZ RAVINE

Went to Cyril’s Solano Canyon studio to finish the editing on "Wo ist Manfred" our little erotica project for Bricktops. Cyril is a genius. He made the film look just like a silent era blue movie. I can’t wait to premiere it on Friday.

FVLANTIN FURIA

My beautiful English husband Lord Andrew, gave me some wonderful birthday presents and cooked me an incredible vegetarian meal that consisted of a carrot & corriander soup that was pure deleaven!

Later in the eve "Firecracker! Bill Haines Nite" at Bricktops was over the proverbial top! Mark Simon and London’s premiere big peniled singing group The Younger DeGenerates[Severin Behnin, Robert Durham, Bill Gorin Chris Khurt, David Penddleton, Stephan Schilling, Nigel Teixeira and Sara Schilling.] tore up! Their performance was so political and humorous and the singing was electric.

What a lovely crowd of kids. Its good to see people wearing fancy outfits. I hate jeans, T-shirts and trainers. My opening song expressed my fashion philosophy:

"What shall I wear to Bricktops?
My Frankie B Low Rise Jeans and a chain wallet
or a velvet gown or Tuxedo"

Lots of luminaries in the audience. British "It" girls Lady Victory Hervey and Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, who hate each other. Luckily the club is big enought that they didn’t have to rub shoulders. Also the delightful Henry Peck, who is one of the originators of LA style clubs and is also a dynamite DJ and hair burner. Guin Turner popped in and was actually looking very sober. Kirsten Schafer the head programmer with Outfest, just came back from The Berlin Festival and was in high spirits, regaling me with stories of her Deutchland adventures. It was also good to see Rudy Bleu of Scutter Mag, artist Albert Cuellar who is always dressed to the 9’s. Albert is an urban pioneer. He has lived in a house in Watts since 1986. He bought it then for only $25,000. Not many Hollywood hipsters can claim that they live in Watts. Cathy Opie is the only other caucasion artist that I know of who lives south of the Santa Monica Freeway. Osseus Labyrinth use to live in South Central but they moved to Echo Park recently. It was also fantastic seeing Mrs. Michael Glass, of Amok Books fame, songstress Abby Travis who told me that the Viper Room isn’t owned by Johnny Depp anymore and that she got stiffed by the new owners after doing a recent show. Looking juicy was Vera Duffy of the Velvet Hammer, Ginger Goldmine, choreographer Jean Spinosa who just moved here from San Francisco and is charming all of café society, Don Bolles of the Germs, Animal Charm, MOCA maven Karen Lofgren, Jamie Luner(Melrose Place) first lady of harsh, Lydia Lunch, Shia La Beouf(Holes) Michael Pitt (The Dreamers) Richard Velasco, designers Zac Posen, Proenza Schouler, Dutch modern dance god Raul Dumas and his boyfriend the beautiful Russian Rimbaud, Yuroslav Mogutin (Gang of Foreskins). Swiss experimental filmmaker Cyril Kuhn created a beautiful erotic pastiche called "Wo ist Manfred" featuring Ms. Bricktop and the movie delighted the audience to no end.

MEMBER OF THE FIFTH ESTATE

This little emug from my New York based fashion guru:

GLOBAL VILLAGER: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the airport, Glenn Belverio - aka "Global Editor" - will be jetting off to Italy in two weeks, Associated Press has learned today. The globe-trotting trollop has been invited to visit a German village tucked away somewhere in the Italian Alps, near Turino. "I'll never forget the month I spent there researching goat leather for our Italian hiking boots", J. Peterman of J.Peterman catalogue, Belverio's employer, recounted fondly when he heard his prized copywriter was flying the coop. "Despite Glenn's problems with opium addiction and his anti-social behavior toward cake parties, his writing skills make him a valuable asset to the company. We hope he comes back soon."

"Glenn's Italian-American heritage and Teutonic intellect make him a natural for covering the German scene in Italy", spit-fire feminist Camille Paglia commented. "He'll take the Alps by storm."

After repeated calls to Belverio's cubicle, we finally reached the elusive writer for comment. "The Italians really know how to throw a press junket!" Belverio shouted over the cacophony of clicking typewriters. "After two weeks of Burger King and pizza, I'm looking forward to some sauerbraten ravioli and Black Forest tiramisu. Now, I have to get back to my copy....we're on deadline for a section on men's twill pants. I've called it 'Triumph of the Twill'."

LIFE REGAINED

Frances Partridge of the Bloomsbury Group died in London at age 103. The Bloomsbury Group was one of the wackiest of the famed literary sets during the 20s. The members consisted of Virginia Woolf, Lytton Strachey, Dora Carrington, Ralph Partridge and EM Foster. They were all held together by spit, aesthetics, sex and suicide.
My literary set is called The Doomsbury group and consists of Ron Athey, Lisa Teasley, Kembra Pfhaler, Glenn Belverio, and Bruce La Bruce. I hope that at the end of this century I’m still around to be the diarist for my Gritish partners in grime.

Anderson Cooper was my Valentines Date on Saturday. We aren’t really lovers, its just that since we both were Miss Lonelyhearts on the day of questione, Mr. Cooper decided he would romance me with all the trimmings. Luckily we weren’t the only samesex couple at the lovely fancy Korean BBQ moderne diner on Olympic at Western. It took forever to get a table, but it was well worth the wait. The new generation of Korean boys, sure are hunky and masculine. I was wanting me some of that rice, rice baby. My only complaint is that the lighting needs to be dimmer, especially around the bar area. It was nice and dark in the large patio section.

After supper we shared a bottle of vino and watched Rueben Mamoulian’s brilliant "Applause" starring Helen Morgan,(an early Valentine gift to me from the sweet boys of the Science Holiday Art Collective).at Anderson’s penthouse suite at the Ravenswood, the apartment on Rossmore in Hancock Park that was owned by Mae West. We also wanted to watch the "Lost Films of Science Holiday, but it was almost 1am, and neither of us could keep our eyes open.

THE WEEK THAT TWAS

My gallery sent me to Vansterdam, in yet another attempt of finishing the editing process on my Berlin Stories. I filmed the material in 2001 when I was living in East Berlin for six months. I’ve been slowly putting it together when my Canadian reps fly me up. They hooked me with free editing time from this big healthy, cornfed boy, who actually does all the technical work, meaning he pushes all the buttons and does exactly what I tell him to.
I just say, "I want it to look like this, and he makes it happen." This kid is about 26 and works on boring mainstream movies and TV as his dayjob, so the chance to collaborate with a great artist on personal films is a treat for him. He doesn’t realize that he’s my eye candy treat. His radiant youth and uber masculine beauty is simply dazzling. He’s my favorite type of humpy white boy, one who doesn’t know how good looking he is. After spending such intimate time with him its difficult coming back to Los Ang. Boys here in my hometown are too self aware, and that always ruins it, at least for this little tiny lady.

Dadster took me to lunch at Café Des Artiste. Eric Estrada was sitting across from us. He looks good for a middle aged, dimunitive Mexican man. He really puts the double "D" in dimunitive. He’s got to be 4 foot nothing. LA Weekly Books Editor Debbie Vankin was also having lunch at Des Artiste. She was with a woman from Distributed Art Publishers. Deb wrote the great cover pull-out on Koreatown that the Bleekers recently released. I was one of the first people to talk and write about the gem that is K-Town, and this was way back in the 80s with my zine Fertile LaToyah Jackson. The lady from DAP gave Ron and I their latest catalogue to pick out new releases that we may want to review. I really stuffed myself at lucheon. Everytime someone treats me to a meal, I act like its going to be my last. One never knows----it just might.

Later that evening Lenny the young Elder and Andrew of Gould escorted me to the Disney Hall Redcat Theatre to see Atrid Hadad and Los Tarzanes. I’ve seen her now about four or five times, and she’s magnificent. Those ill costumes, and that incredible voice. I love how she wears these giant hoop skirts that expertly camaflouge her turnip shape. Her face and eyes are really expressive,framed with that gorgeous long black Lebanon hair.

Ron brought the great actor and living beauty legend Juan Fernandez and his dancer/beau Tad Coughenour to the show. I simply adore Juan and Tad. I’m responsible for them meeting at one of my !Cholita! shows. I can always matchmake everybody but myself.

Did my regular rehearsal for Bricktops with Mr. Uncertain. I came up with a new song for my opening and it goes like this:

Oh Pretty George Dubya Shrub
Rub a Dub Dub
The war president
His boyfriend is war

He’s Mr. Madame Death
he lives for death
so kiss him and smell that thelemic
Halle Berry-tosis Breath

Later at the studio I watched this screener I was given for Barbershop 2 starring Ice Cube, Queen Latifah, Cedric The Entertainer and Jane Fonda’s hot young son Troy Garity reprising his wigger role from the first movie. Most Hollywood sequals are dreadfull, but this one at least tried, so I have to give it some credit. I loved how they used the gentrification angle. Of course the best parts are the "dozens" antics and cutting up that is a real part of an urban Barbershop experience. My mother use to take me to those kind of Barbers to get my Quo Vadis haircut back in the 60s and 70s. I really find Ice Cube sexy for a chunky black man. I adore his moles below the right eye that form a perfect triangle.

My former Club Sucker partner, Frank Rodriguez took me to eat at this delish pupuseria on Pico and Vermont. We then checked out some dive bars around that area as a possible location for our annual birthday soiree. The bars either had bad lighting or only served beer and wine. All our friends and acquaintances are hard liquor drinkers. We stopped by Shatto 39 Lanes Bowling alley on Vermont near third to check the bar there and the lighting was just dreadful. They did have a coffeeshop connected, but the art director in me, just couldn’t get around that bad lighting. I guess we’ll settle on having the party at MJ’s (formerly Woody’s Hyperion) the redesign of the place is a bit precious, but its close by and they have a dancefloor. We’ve never had dancing at our yearly shindig.

Bricktops Friday was pussy tearing. Mr Uncertains jazz combo Uncertain have come in to their own. The addition of a stand up bass player who is Scandanavian, and is like a young Mr. Paganini just sent shivers down my timber spine. When I asked Mr. Un where he found his new band member he told me that he was at a late nite taco stand in tired West LA and there was this group of kids who were all wearing amazing outfits, which he relayed is unusual in and of itself on the Westside, [I second that emotion]so he introduced himself to them, and asked if they knew of a good bass player, and this set the crooked wheels in motion for his find.

The evenings theme was UnValentine and no one is more unValen then actress Constance Bennett. Lord Andrew of Gould found some really good pictures of her for my threshold collage. It was lovely seeing the Ditty Bops back. I want to have them perform as a residency at Bricktops. They are just sooooo good, with incredible energy. LA legendary club DJ/impressario Henry Peck came with Howie Pyro of D Generation and Danzig fame and one of the cities treasures: Tra La La aka: Mrs. AIDS Nurse Debbie Trent who brought her handsome son Colin---I remember when he was a baby, and now he’s 21. Boy, you know you’re old when your punk rocker friends all have grown children. Also out making the scene: Norman Ghoulsen of The Acres, Gloria Vanderbilt’s TV journalista son Anderson Cooper who was scamming on all the young collegiate looking boys, cutey pie choreographer/director Jean Spinosa who had a pre-Bricktops tea party and brought a gaggle of juicy pals, La Poubelle Twins, Don and Augusta, designer extroidinaire Shauna Leone wearing an amazing vintage 20s dress, Shauna is one of the new breed of kids on the scene with amazing style and lots of pizazz. She was helping Europa with her broken hearts Jewelry boutique in the foyer. Oh and guest DJ Prickle was fantastic. He actually got people dancing early in the evening.

ALMANACHA ACROSA THE PONDA

This lovely note from Marcu in Berlin, at the premiere of Bruce La Bruce?s new movie Raspberry Reich at the Berlin Film Festival:

Miss D,

I've wanted to write for such a long time now. I think about you so often. We talk about you so often. and I regularly read your great BLOG (and so do certain unnammed slimy theater people here, which has
caused much turmoil in my Berlin life--but, whatever. It's all for the good, my dear, all for the good.)
I don't really have the time to write anything as wonderful as you deserve, but just wanted to send a quick note telling you that the Berlin premiere of Bruce's film was spectacular! An enormous cinema
was packed with over 1600 people, including scores sitting on the stairs! Ivan, from CHEAP JEWELRY fame, or Dragan, the name we now call him, said the event was so exciting, as to be unexpected on
sterile Potsdamer Platz; it was more like the thrilling film premieres in Serbia. She should know. La Bruce and La Sachsse looked smashing in their premiere duds. BLAB in a shiny grey suit, complemented by a deep red shirt, an LA tan, and ever-present tinted glasses. Susanne in a blue velvet and taffeta forties dress, which
along with her Jean Seberg short black hair lent her a classic fashionable darling of our times look. The audience often cheered along with the hilarious script and people gathered in an exciting drug-like induced craze in the lounge afterwards, as BLAB was whisked away for a long television interview. Of course, the predictable
kinds of people left the film after a while and other predictable kinds of people who stayed had predictably boring responses. But so many others rose beautifully to the challenge of the film! And we'll see how the wider humorless German public and German press deals with it. I find it inspiring, refreshing--but then again, I'm just some
pesky foreign Jew faggot here, and we know from experience how the Germans have previously reacted to people like me. So let's see how they deal with The Raspberry Reich!will write more later--I'm off to the States on Friday for an important interview, then I'm back in Berlin toward the end of Feb.i hope you're doing well. by the way did herb alpert ever give you the money and prize you so deserve? It was great that you were
nominated, but they should come through with the goods.all my love and happy Vaginal Davis Day
yours, marcu thursday is a big filmmaker magazine party for raspberry reich (and john greyson, todd verow and michael brynntrup). our own daniela ramona will be spinning tunes, so you could be sure we'll be dancing to PME!

MAISIE ON WEST KNOLL

Became a cultural tourist on Saturday night and went to a gay cocktail party at my friend Twee?s in West Hollywood. Twee aka: Michael Dykes is a lovely man I met through Bill Silva and the Margaret Cho tour.
Got to see pics of Twee?s new Brazillian boyfriend, who is 19, and the most amazing, studly beauty that has ever walked on gods green hued planet. Twee deserves hot love, and amazing sex. He really is a dear.

There wasn?t anyone at this party that I found particularly interesting, but it is sometimes a joy to get out of one?s element and be in an environment where you?re completely anonymous. I loved the masculine French bartender, who made some potent libations, and there was this juicy young Russian boy with a fine meaty ass and bouncy titties.

GRAMMYSTICAL

Talk about doing something I?ve never done before. I decided to walk around the corner to the BMG Grammy party at the Avalon(formerly The Palace) At first I didn?t want to go, because I didn't have a date, and thought it would be boring, but I?m too poor to turn down free food and liquor, so I put on my Puma jogging suit and decided to try and act rapperly. The party was somewhat dull.
All the media thought I was either Dennis Rodman or Q-Tip from A Tribe Called Quest. Do I resemble them?

As usual in a party situation, I don?t mingle, I just sit in one place and hold court. Surprisingly people were flocking to me. I felt like I was being hit on by Justin Timberlake, Prince, Sharon Stone, Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters, Ellen DeGeneres, Christina Aguilera and both Jack and Meg White of the Stripes. Celebrities sure are nice to you, when you are indifferent to them. I was also invited to the Outcast Mansion party, which I had no way of getting to since I don?t drive, but it was almost 2pm and I was tipsy, so i quietly slid out of the soiree and staggered back home down Hollywood Blvd. I hadn't been to a Grammy party since the late 1970s at one held at the Biltmore, downtown that had a disco room(crowded), and a new wave/punk room(empty) that the GoGo's performed in. Chuck Berry stuck his tongue down my throat at that party, and he did it to several other girls and guys. At the time i was still a teenager, so it was really shocking to find out first hand about the bisexuality of a rock legend.

THE CONFORMIST

Saw the new Bernardo Bertoluci film "The Dreamers" Wow!!!!! Talk about effective! Nice willis action by that young actor Michael Pitt. He has quite the appendage, plus some major booty and tit to go with his luscious lipps Inc. Of course I preferred the gallic boy Louise Garrel, who has a cashew, but a firm melon rump, that I sure wouldn?t kick out of the sackles.

LARGESSE LE LEIT

I’m all wrapped up in the house of the Ditty Bops. After hearing their demo I knew they were good, but seeing them play live on stage was everything I expected multiplied by 2,433. Plus they brought along a hot junior Ann Miller who was rap tap tapping in a style more like the great Eleanor Powell.

Bricktops Friday was in full GaGa gear. My sweet southern Kentucky fried pal David Van Norman reprised his role as the bathtub gin baby and he and his 10 ½ inches were all over the place. I adore David he is such the good time Sally. He was quite popular making a lot of new friends. His cute assistant Nikki also looked stunning. The girl has a wonderous pair of natural ba-knockers, and personality plus.

Everyone was asking me where I found the Ditty Bops. Actually one of my bathtub boys Michael who works on Sunday at the Farmers Market pointed me in their direction and I’m forever grateful to him.

The Bops accordian/piano player, though a bit short for my taste, being that I’m an Amazonian godess) had a rugged manly air about him. The standup bassist and violinist are older gentlemen and provide a nice intergenerational feel and texture. The art director queen in me wants to cut the ponytail off the violin player---He’d look a lot better without it. The two girls Amanda and Abby are gorgeous, with sumpteous voices. They are all amazing musicians, and I can’t wait to have them back.

So many legends stopped by Friday. Maxfield muse Richard Valasco brought Stephen May, who I haven’t seen since he and his mother Gladys left Los Angeles for Seattle in the 80s. What can I say about Stephen May? He and his mother, who died recently, were one hot couple. They were like the real life versions of Sebastian and Violet Venable from Tennessee Williams, " Suddenly Last Summer." Also dancer/choreographer and drag DJ extroidinaire GIRLINA! Came by to say hello. She’s in town to spin at some Grammy parties and man the wheels of steel at the club, Beige. She looked extroidinary. Mark Murphy of the Walt Disney Hall’s Redcat experimental theatre brought the amazing Brian McNeill, a young, strapping songwriter, composer and producer of Scottish traditional and avant garde music. Brian had everyones panties in a bunch everytime he spoke with that sexy brogue. Sophie Fiennes and her handsome actor brother Joseph, were feeling really michieveously frisky, and were getting along famously with Bricktops regulars like Tim Armstrong of Rancid, Bibbe Hansen and her husband Sean Carrillo, designers Shauna Leone and Morgan Olsen. HotDog’s Mario Diaz, was with Louis Garrel the spunky french lad from Bernardo Bertolucci’s "The Dreamers", and Broadway director and theatrical kingpin George C Wolfe (The Colored Museum)was sniffing about the place with Mexican performance artist Astrid Hadad who will be performing at Redcat this Wednesday.

THE MUNCH OF TRIBADOR

Farewell party for Franko B and Chris at Daddy’s studio. The Alfredo sauce was splendid. Taj who is the piercer to Janet Jackson, regaled us how the media has been on her case to find out about the piercing that was on Ms. Jackson’s nipple when she bared her breastage at the Super Bowl. Too bad Justin Timberlake didn’t expose his nice white willis to the world---now that would have been shocking!

Went into the studio to record a love song for Kehjl Johansson’s latest album. Kehjl use to be in the art punk band The Urinals, until the leader of that group got a big head, thinking that as middle aged men they still had a chance to be rock stars. See what this town does to people? Kehjl doesn’t suffer any such delusions. He makes music because he loves it, and that should be the only reason. He is very much content with his gorgeous wife Karol DeGraffenreid and their pretty child. Recording the song was such a hoot. The engineer use to be in the Paisley Underground band The Last, and he had this cute young Canuck with him, from Ottawa to be exact, who was just adorable. I wanted to eat the boy alive.

My Kentucky pal David Van Norman and his assistant Miss Nicki were in town on business. They took me to eat at Patina at the Disney Hall. What a meal, what great service. Some booty pies work there as well. Our waiter was really hysterical. I felt really poor with my dowdy boy drag, but some people were dressed much worse then me, at least I have personal style. There was even this odd looking Asian man who was sitting in this fancy restaurant eating all alone. I would never do that. Not that I have a choice in the matter, since i can't afford to go to chi chi eateries.

VIA VENETO

Cute and cuddly Chicano Cesar Vega took me to breaky at the Pacific Dining Car. We had a nice relaxing time, feasting the morn away. He also relayed his misadventures at the Sundance Film Festival. I was really jealous when he gave me the rundown on his encounter with Gael Garcia Bernal from "Y Tu Mama". Cesar also got to see the world premiere of Judy LaBruce’s "Raspberry Reich". At one of the parties he ran into this older industry chick who said she was so drunk her eyes were fucking each other. Hahahahaha!
After breakfast Cesar was a doll to pick up visiting art star Franko B and his beau Chris and drop them off at my studio. I decided to play LA tour guide, one of my favorite roles, and took my Euro pals downtown for a bit of a power walking tour. We headed down Wilshire from MacArthur Park and stopped of at the Central Library up to Bunker Hill, checking out MOCA, The Watercourt, The Dizney Hall, Music Center and the new Los Ang Cathedral which is incredible. We ended the day at The Regal Biltmore, Broadway’s movie palaces and The Bradbury Building. A freak rainstorm soaked us, so we had to head back to Silverlake. Franko is just so adorable and generous, and I loved hearing about his run ins with the facist Italian police when he was homeless living in Venice.

A FEW GOOD MEN

I've always wanted to do a club in LA that is similar to NYC's The Gaity or Toronto's Remington's, so I'm going to attempt it. It will be aa first in this town I'm sure. I'm going to call it Knob Ill and it will be the first male limo lap dancing palace in Los Angeles history if everything goes according to plans. I want my dancers to to be a cross section of men, not just muscleheads or porn stars, but more regular body types and i want fat and elderly, not just young twinks. So if anyone out in Blogland thinks they know someone who fits the criteria:

WANTED
Men of all ages, races and body types for classy burlesque review. College age to senior citizen welcome. Most have youthful spirit, be uninhibited, with personality, charm and sex appeal.
Contact Ms. Vaginal Davis' assistant Gleeson Brevard at Gleebrevard@aol.com for an audition.

THE REQUEST LINE IS OPEN

Some one just emailed me wanting to know the lyrics of the song i sang Friday at Bricktops. Well it goes something like this:

"Cash, moneyorders, visa, mastercard, american express
food stamps
or just plain sex

i don't care how you pay me
just pay me now"

NEBRASKA’S SWEATHEART

Jose Montano made me a delightful pikniq lunch---a veritible feasta. This was the menu: wild king salmon, glutan free rice almond bread, quinoa which is a grain from Jose’s native Bolivia, roasted veggies and a parsnip salade. We sat on the edge of the lake at MacArthur Park, reclaiming the land from the drug dealers and gang bangers who mark it as their turf. It was a glorious act of urban rebellion.

Now I’m going to quote Jose:

"You know whats worse then a celebrity hating you? Its a celebrity loving you"

Just a little something to ponder.

***

Daddy Ron and I had a power bitch meeting with Kirsten of Outfest. She is now the main programmer and would like us to come back as curators of the Platinum Live Art event.

Nothing is in cement as of this writing, but it would be a hoot. Of course the Dadster and I, are full of a million ideas. We are the ultimate concept queens. Will keep you posted as to what happens.

After the power bitch meeting, Kirsten took me out to dinner at The Kitchen where we sat, gabbed, and drank to our hearts content. I love Miss Kirsten, she’s a good time Sally.

Hilary MacGregor, from the LA Times spent the entire day with me, art stalking la diva. We met at my spider hole of an apartment on Hollywood Blvd around 6:30am, then took the subway and bus downtown to Phillipe’s for breaky, then my MacArthur Pk studio where I went about my day as she observed me in my natural habitat. I was afraid my day-to-day would be just too boring. Oh welp, its not like I’m on a reality TV show. That would be pathetic.

I believe that Hilary got what makes me part of the LA experience that few know exists. Yes Heather there is culture in Los Ang, that lives beneath the Valley of the Dolls.

So excited that Bibbe Hansen was my special guest star at Bricktops. Ms. Bibbe completely channeled the spirit of 20s songstress Ruth Etting. My door girl Meesh, who always looks stunning styled Bibbe. She sang three songs and had the audience on its knees. Her handsome artist sons Beck and Channing were very proud of their sexy momma. The worshipful throngs included Mark Murphy, the executive director of the Disney Halls Redcat experimental theatre, L-Word writer and star Gwen Turner, Sundance film festival’s Shari Frilot, Outfests’ Kirsten, a very handsome, subdued and almost unrecognizeable Ice Cube with his Barbershop co-star Troy Garity who is becoming a regular at Bricktops. This is the third times in less then two months he's been here. Hope his mother Jane Fonda will tag along with him one day.
Also met this professional skateboarder boy whose name I can’t remember now, but he sure is cute with a nice skater tight body, o and Tim Armstrong of Rancid, another young man with a very lean and hard body, who loves dancing to the music from the Newton Boys soundtrack. Well at least some celebs have good taste.

DIE LIEBE DER JEANNE NEY

Here's a note from Camryn Manheim, the zaftig star of TV's The Practice drama on ABC affiliates.

"There is a sweet little 1 bedroom apartment for rent in Venice right behind my house.
It's on Ocean Ave
450 sq. feet
Seconds from the canals.
1,100 month
utilities not included.
The landlords only concern is that it be long term. He lives back east and does not want to have to re-rent it from 3,000 miles away.
Let me know if you or anyone you know is interested.

SACKLES DEWITT

Been housesitting for masculinic Dadster Athey while he was in San Fran with Europe's #1 art star Franko B and his beau Chris. Dadda rented a car to drive up Northern way. Its Franko's first time in the golden gate city and Chris' tyro American journey. Lil Chris attends art school in Bristol.
Of course i've made a major messina of Dad's Silverlake Hills compound. I really know how to spread myself out, leaving dirt and fungus stains EVERYWHERE. Ron called and warned me, i'd better do the Mrs. Cleana before he brings his houseguests home. They are all actually having a wonderous time in the bay area. Since the dot.com crash the cisco regu aren't being shrill about people from Los Ang. Rents up there have gown down but not that drastically. Franko gave a lecture at the Art Institute i believe, or some kind of forum facilitated by the great Guillermo Gomez-Pena. Dad wil drive them to Palm Springs for a bit, to stay at Crepe Suzettes Zsa Zsa Gabor case study home, and i'm sure they will make a Joshua Tree pit stop.

Went to the Farmers Market on Ivar street this morn. Ran into video artist Ming Ma with Dr. Jennifer Doyle. Lots of eye candy abounding. Saw the cutest young hot papa with his pretty child in a stroller.

I bought some flowers and gouda cheese. Drank the most fantasticle capuccino and rum almond croissant. Professor Doyle's new wealthy Gallic husband arrives on Tuesday. Can't wait to meet him.

Around 3:30 i was feeling a little horndoggy so i went to beerbust at the Flatline. What a dismal crowd. Just trolls, and their fathers and grandfathers on parade---just happy to be anywhere. What is the matter with my city? Why do men here have the personality of an unlined white piece of paper in a three rung spiral notebook?

LA VIE EN ROSE

Bricktops was hotter then those four sisters from Georgia last night. The Lady Miss Bricktop sang a song about George Bush that went like this:

“O Mr. Bush, President shrub,you’re not very nice, you and your black lover Condolezzi Rice. O Mr. Bush dear Prezident shrub, once? Twice? Thrice!
you’re such the dinge queen, carpet munching on Condi Rice”

she also did a very strange cover of the Grace Jones hit, “Warm Leatherette”
rhyming leatherette with They Won’t Forget, Suzanne Pleshette and Suffragette
The special guest star was Montreal’s musical lunatic Creekbird. The Creek as I like to call him, is one of the most sexiest men alive. He really is quite the stud and every man and woman in the audience was very much desireth of his lusty charms. The theme of the evening was a nutters salute to komedy klunky Harry Langdon, who was the 4th most popular silent era comedian after Chaplin, Keaton and Lloyd.

Bruce La Bruce was back in town from Sundance so of course there were a lot of people who came out to be in his lofty orbit. Including Nikki the former model and wife to photog Terry Richardson who starred in Bruce’ last art porn classic “Skin Flick” The porn version is actually called “Skin Gang” but I prefer the working title which was “Gang of Foreskins” Darling Nikki’s new boyfriend is named Eddie and he use to be a semi regular on that banal sitdumb “Friends” and he also starred in a shortlived WB TV Network drama. He’s one fine piece of caucasion ass, but I can’t remember his last name. Michael Schmidt the jewelry designer, and costumer also was paying his respects to La Judy of Bruce. Michael is doing really well now that he left tired New York and lives here in Los Angeles. I love New York, but it can also get really bleak. Michael designed specialty wardrobe pieces for both Charlie’s Angelz movies.
This graffiti artist named Dash Snow or something like that was taking a million pictures of me. Judy sez he comes from a very wealthy family and his mother sits on the boards of the Whitney Museum of Art and MOMA. I just ADORE these artists who become big in the art world through the dear old fashion grit of nepatism.

Early Friday at around 4pm while I was decorating the club. This woman called who works for Nicole Kidman saying that the star of stars and her jewish/negro lover Lenny Kravitz wanted to drop by. I told her that Bricktops is here every Friday from 10pm-2am --- the cover is $5.00 and Ms. Kidman and Mr. Kravitz, are welcome any time.
Are they even still an item? I liked it better when Nicole was with that humpy jubas rapper Q-Tip.
Mz. Assistant to Nic asked about the VIP area. When i told her we didn't have one she told me she'd call back----but didn't.


NANCY GOES TO RIO

My production designer pal, Jose Montana called and wants to have a Pik Niq. Jose is very posh. He use to design rock videos like REM’s “Losing My Religion” but now he mostly does commercials, though I’m sure he’d like to do feature films, but there is such a heirachy in the biz that moving up to features is one hard gnut to crack. Jose’s mother was a famous Swedish actress and his father a famed Bolivian architect. He grew up in Seattle and London. He has a house in the Echo Park hills that is lovely with a great city view. Jose is also an amazing gourmand.
He sez that Rubencito, my 21 year old El Salvadorean bootypie bar back at the Parlour Club speaks Spanish with a Brazilian accent. I love the way Rueben talks. I used him for my voicemail, although it confuses everyone who calls me.

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EX-CENTRIS

Went to the American Cinemateque to see a screening of "Bell, Book and Candle" starring Kim Novak and James Stewart. I haven’t seen this movie since they use to show old films on TV back in the 70s. It was great seeing it on the big screen at the famed Egyptian Theatre where I spent many Saturdays during my child and young adulthood. Before the Egyptian became the Cinemateque I would come for their bargain basement matinees as late as the early 90s. One of my other favorite movie palaces, The Pacific Theatre on Hollywood Blvd has been closed for ages. Some equity waiver theatre companies use it now, it was transformed from a single large theatre to a multiplex in the 80s. At the reception for the Kim Novak flick I ran into Mrs. Michael Glass, Tom Guzman and Mark Simon and his lovely sister. Mark’s new performance group The Younger DeGenerates will be performing at Bricktops in February.

Received an invitation from famed academe Amelia Jones to participate in a symposium called "Theorizing Queer Visualities" at the University of Manchester. She’d like me to do one of my performance/lectures at the University's Whitworth Gallery. I’m really excited about this.

The others invited for this two week event are: Peggy Phelan, Stanford University/ keynote presentation, with discussion, José Esteban Muñoz, New York University/ second keynote,Richard Dyer, University of Warwick; author of White and Culture of Queers and numerous other publications on film, visual imagery, and identity. Jackie Stacey: cultural theorist whose work addresses gender and sexuality and has helped shape debates in feminism and visual culture; professor at Lancaster University, Patty Chang: internationally known performance artist based in New York/ California.
Richard Fung, experimental video and filmmaker and theorist of queer Asian visuality; based in Toronto.
Thomas Allen Harris: filmmaker based in New York and California whose work *explores desire, ambivalence and the construction of diasporic identity, through a critical engagement with questions of blackness, sexuality and the body.* (from electronic intermix website)Lyle Ashton Harris: artist and commercial photographer and theorist whose work addresses sexuality and race in and across the black male body, based in New York.
Ma Liuming: Chinese performance artist whose work involves cross-dressing and interrogating Western stereotypes of Chineseness.Isaac Julien: internationally known queer black filmmaker and theorist from London. Glen Ligon: New York based internationally known artist whose work addresses intersection of race and sexuality.
Ming-yuen S. Ma: Los Angeles-based video artist and theorist; author of Slanted Vision (1995), an experimental video exploring the relation between vision and desire with eroticized images of Asian men.
Yasumasa Morimura: Japanese artist who deploys his own body in photographs that mimic famous Western images (most of these involve some kind of cross-dressing).
Prathiba Parmar, originally from Kenya, now a major British experimental film and video maker who explores feminist, diasporic, and queer identities in her work.
Toxic Titties: feminist queer performance collective from Los Angeles.
Ike Ude: Nigerian artist whose photographic work (like Ashton Harris's) addresses queer black masculinity, usually through the depiction of his own body.
Legier Biederman, Ph.d. student at UCLA; work attempts to push boundaries of queer theory and feminism vis-a-vis black Hip Hop music imagery.Gavin Butt, lecturer at Goldsmiths College, Univ. London, whose art historical work addresses gay masculinity in art of the 1950s.Sue-Ellen Case, professor in theatre department at UCLA; her work has been central to the development of queer theory in theatre studies.
Dianne Chisholm, teaches at University of Alberta; has just written a book called Queer Constellations: Fictions of Space in the Wake of the City about queer flânerie and modernist literature.
Patricia Ticineto Clough, author of "Queer Desire and the Technobodies of Feminist Theory," in Autoaffection: Unconscious Thought in the Age of Teletechnology (2000).
Barbara Creed, feminist and queer film theorist who teaches at the Unviersity of Melbourne, Australia.
Thomas Dowson, lecturer and theorist of queer archaeology from University of Manchester.
Jennifer Doyle, assistant professor in the English Department at University of California, Riverside; her work on Eakins and Warhol establishes a new framework for thinking "queer visualities."
Susan Foster, professor in world cultures department at UCLA; her work has been central to the development of feminism and queer theory in dance studies.Sander Gilman, professor at Univ. Illinois, Chicago; has written extensively on sexuality, Jewishness, and gender in relation to "scientific" imagery.
Michael Hatt, Birkbeck College, University of London; has written extensively on gender and sexuality and issues of visuality, currently finishing a book on homoeroticism and the visual in late Victorian Britain.
Catherine Lord, professor of art at UC Irvine; her work has long explored the interstices of queer theory/art theory nexus. She is an established art critic.Sharon Marcus, teaches as Columbia University; works on gender, sexuality, and urban history; has published on the gendered city.
Laura U. Marks, theorist of gay porn and new media theorist; author of The Skin of the Film: Intercultural Cinema, Embodiment, and the Senses (2000).Michael Moon, professor at Johns Hopkins, has worked on queerness in Warhol and Joseph Cornell.Marlon Ross, University of Virginia; works on African American gay culture, including visual culture.Shuddhabarata Sengupta: media theorist who addresses identity and global media, co-founder of Sarai media collective; lives and works in Delhi, India.
Robert Summers, theorist of queer visualities who is working to break the boundaries of "gay art history."
Carole-Ann Tyler, professor of English, UC Riverside; works on queer theory and visuality.
Lola Young, author of Fear of the Dark: "Race," Gender, and Sexuality in the Cinema (1996), based in London?

FADE TO GRAY

Went to the opening of FADE 1990-2003 African American Artists in Los Angeles A Survey Exhibition curated by sexy little Malik Gaines of the pretty fair skin, curly hair and bumping tight booty. I’d sure like to burrow my tongue up his anal stairwell, but I’ll have to save that for another episode of the Oprah Winfrey show.

Malik is also in the wonderful showcore band My Barbarian, with pretty Jade Gordon and his zesty Latin lover Alex. Malik is part of the new breed of young, fresh, go getting colored boys working the staid art world. I wish I was more ambitious, but as an olde school rebellion, lets face the Gertrude P. Stein custard------ I am what I am, what I ambla.

Of course with Bricktops also being on a Friday, I didn’t make the opening reception till right before it was ending. What a delicious scene. I NEVER go to art openings, mainly because they are so dull, but this one had some spunk. A colored people art show in Los Angeles is a mighty rare occurance, so everyone seemed to be in a celebratory mood. I was dressed as Saint Salicia Tate, a look that isn’t easy for the majority of public consumption. I just breezed in and then breezed out because I had a show to do. I’m glad I came though and Malik did a great job of displaying the work.

Who was there?

colored girl TV writer Josslyn Luckett, Willy Banta and Miriam Jacobsen of the LA Weekly, Phylis Teen from the band Spooky Pie, NPR’s bubble butt studkin Ben Adair and his lovely jewel of a girlfriend Shoshanna, Nora Keyes and Max Gonberg of the Centimeters, LA Weekly editor Joe Donnelly and his glamorous dancer wife Miss Candy, Brian Freeman, Leslie Sahr the grand dame of afrikan american art,
Creekbird, artist Ming Ma, Professor Jennifer Doyle, writers Ellen Kraut Hasagowa and Lisa Teasley.

During the week I’m going to go see the exhibition so I can pay closer attention to the work. I’m really anxious to check out Mark Bradford’s pieces as I’ve been told he is really exceptional. What I know of his background is exciting----the boy use to be a hairhopper turned artist who uses a lot of black hair care products in his abstract pieces.

OOMPH DE TRIUMPHE

Got an emug that my good girlffriend the NYC superstar drag diva, The Lady Bunny is Djing a major fashion event at the Eiffel Tower.

I'll make it easy and copy what i received so you can read it for yourself:

Armed with a clutch of CDs and a wig box big enough to get Marie Antoinette twirling in her grave, New York drag superstar Lady Bunny is jetting into the City of Light to DJ one of the hottest fashion parties of the new year.
To be held January 21 in La Salle Gustave Eiffel, on the first floor of the
famous tower, the event will celebrate the launch of Visionaire Magazine's
Visionaire 42 Scent.

Known to most as an outrageous comedienne and personality about town, Lady
Bunny, a fashion industry darling, is also the in-house DJ for the
extravagant Visionaire (and V) magazines and can be found spinning her brand
funk-soul-pop-disco at the hottest Fashion Week parties. Previous gigs for
Visionaire include spinning at L'Opera Garnier (becoming the first DJ ever
to spin in that famous Parisian opera house), the Fendi showroom in Milan,
Harvey Nichols (London) and Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum on Times Square.

Other recent gigs include the Fashion Group International Awards at
Cipriani, Saks Fifth Ave.'s main floor during the holidays and Ritz Carlton
South Beach's New Year's Eve party where she became the first DJ ever hired
by a Ritz Carlton hotel.

The Lady Bun Bun is the hardest working queen I know. There aren't too many other queens that i hang out with. She is one of the few, and is always making me laugh till my intestines are sticking out of my anus.

At the end of the note was this piece of hot gossip:

Grace Jones attended Jade Jagger's birthday this week in a bar in Mayfair.
She disappeared into a cubicle for ages and then burst out, executing karate
moves while announcing loudly in a fake German accent: "Here is ze cocaine
autobahn!"

EMELINE D’ LANSON

Friday at Bricktops we celebrated Aimee Semple McPhearson, the famous evangelist who ran off with her much younger lover and pretended to be kidnapped. I love Geraldine Page’s performance as Miss Aimee in the 1975 John Schlessinger film of Nathaniel West’s "Day of the Locust".

Of course my interpretation is as the The Most High Right Rev’rend Saint Salicia Tate. Salicia hadn’t performed in Los Angeles in over two years so it was a thrill for the audience to see her in full self-beatified regalia.

As my alter boy vestal virgens Dan Peiera and Jason North were very angelic and pious. The only celebs I personally saw was that former Calvin Klein model turned TV Tarzan Travis Fimmel with fellow Aussie actor Martin Henderson who was at the club a few weeks ago and is in some new motorcycle chase movie that also stars Ice Cube and Debbie Mazar’s younger sister.

FRED IS DEAD

O I thought I’d mention that Ron O’Neal, the star of "Superfly" and" Superfly TNT" died at the age of 66. You can’t keep a good nigger down---- he will live on in our cable, vcr and dvd hearts forever.

Just received this sweet emug from one of my children who I wrote a recommendation to grad school for. He’s seems to have his life in some kind of NYC order:

It's hard to put my misguided use of the english language into such a
structure as to fully express my missing of you while I am here in the
cold barren, but always drunken and fun new york. Let me say this the
feelings of longing are as wide & dark as P-Hiltys (aka paris
hilton's) column inches in the month of november last.

The weather here is ball shivering, but manageable due to the warmth
and comfort that Prof. Jose Munioz n' Nao Bustamante have provided me.
Those two are fun fun fun, and they make me feel somewhat connected to
the dirty nasty underworld which has your sweat running in it's rivers.

I am also becoming some sort of pseudo - intellectual wonderkind, the
school your amazing letter of recommendation got me into saw
it fit to give me a 4.0 in my first semester of grad school and has
made me a Teaching Assistant. I am really hoping that TA stands for
tits and ass, of all flavors shapes and permutations. Once I really
have this place sewn up I will find out how i can get the school to
send you out here and pervert the minds of the youth. The media department here is full of all sorts of
baby-dykes and queer boys who would fawn over you like the royalty you
are.

Ok, for now, i know you are busy and this is long, I just wanted to say
I love and miss you and hope you are well and surrounded by scores of
cute hump-able boys with bee-sting lips.

xo
benjamin godsill

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS WHEELCHAIR?

Ran into tranny chasing Production Chief of Dreamworks Michael DeLuca. Sometimes he’s nice to me and other times he’s sour. On this occasion he was very very claver.

My companion, an industry insider (who shall remain nameless) told me Mikey is on the rag because he’s getting the axo in June from his employer. What was really bizarre though, is Mr. De Luca telling me he saw a copy of my short experimental film "The White To Be Angry" and asking me to give him a call-----which of course I won’t, but how in the hell did he see my movie?

Last Friday at Bricktops I felt bad about ignoring cute Michael Imperioli. He’s in the new comedy "Baby’s Daddy" that my mack mama black dyke friend Cheryl Dunye directed. I hear the film is doing very good at the box office boffo. I want to see it. Its Cheryl’s first time at the helm of a mainstream product. I also want to see the movie "Honey" that my good girlfriend and frequent collaborator "Crepe" Suzette Matheson did the costumes for. Crepe is now in Texas working on a new flicker.

Another email i received that sent me in to tres amusant heaven:

FUCKIN HOT I enjoyed eating your hole so much that I just couldnt wait to tell my parents about you! I told them how your hole opened up and swalloed my tounge ( which my dad had a comment about)any way they seemed very happy that I enjoyed eating out your asshole so much. My brothers were so fuming mad and pissed off. They haven't had a good piece of ass to eat in so long. ;) Lets hook up soon are you busy. I am really having a taste for your hole and to do some good work on your cock, but my favorite is your goddamn fucking, steamy hole. let me know if you would like to come over

Brad

BREIMS OF RASOBRAR

Went to the grand birthday celebration of Judy, Mrs. Michael Glass, Ms. Tom Guzman and Tony, the bartender from the Parlour Club at Akbar. Was packed to the raftinis, and although I wasn’t exactly in a social mood, I did warm up as the evening progressed. It was nice seeing Elvia, Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer, Epilades Meesh, Selene and their bitch Scratch plus William E Riche, Marvina, St’Eve "Harrington" Hall,
Glenn of Masculinity, the great Jeffreyland Hilbert, Javier of Peres Projects, Darren Stein and Asian Punk Boy.

La Judy was a font of info giving me the mucuous on Deryck Whibley of the Canadian band Sum 41. Although this fresh faced Canuck has been linked with party favour Paris Hilton, he also has quite the homosexual past. At age 15 he had a bona foote relationship with a guy who was 30, so like most kids from Ontario of his generation he is prone to grease his tank with lots of raw sugar. He’s even partied hartied with Judy and her racause lot in Toronto, and "The Deryck" is pretty generous with his dope supply. He can afford to be since he has a power dealer that goes with him EVERYWHERE and gets him the best of the bestest and right now the fashionable cotic of choice is plain olde fashion opium in its pure form. Now you have to agree I really share with you ALL the hot gossip and I hold nothing back

THE RELUNCTANT PORNOGRAPHER

My Bruce La Bruce Sundance Festival sendoff party at Bricktops was adaisial. Judy arrived late of course, but was in good form. I laid out a casting bed for her to audition new talent, or at least check out some long resumes. She came up on stage and made an announcement that she was looking for boys for her next artporn flick that is about latino gangbangers and the white cops who love them.

Her couterie included St’Eve "Harrington" Hall and his giant peniled lover Glen, Billy Rich(editor of Black Hawk Down) Mrs Michael Glass, Asia Argenta, The Poubelle Twins, Don & Augusta, Michael Kenney, young and extremely well hung British actor Matthew Goode who co-stars with Mandy Moore in the new romantic comedy "Chasing Liberty", a very skinny Martin Henderson (Torque)Josh Duhamel(A Date with Tad Hamilton) Roger M. Corman the 27 year old son of legendary producer/director Roger W. Corman and Michael Imperioli(Babys Daddy).

The theme for the evening was silent film director King Vidor, but Ms. LaBruce seductively stole his thunder.

Abby Travis of Elastica fame also came by with one of her oldest and dearest friends, Sandy. The two caused major jailbait drug havoc from Orange County to South Central and beyond. Sandy knew a lot of the olde South Bay punk rock crowd that I use to hang with in the early 80s.

Supersonics basketball star Vladimir Admanovic was with Amy Lee and John LeCompt of Evanescence. I think they are a hot buttery threegy.

Oh and of all people, the writer Joyce Carol Oates is a huge Bruce fan and came to the club to meet him, though I think she got scared when I started to show hardcore scenes from "Gang of Four Skins"

A SINGULAR MODERNITY

Big Daddy Athey came to pick me up at my studio after I was stood up by my two big double barreled peterkus dates, who were supposed to take me to din din and then escort me to Judy LaBruce’s opening at the Peggy Wong Guggenheim Memorial Gallery in Chinatown. I hate going to openings, even my own, but we braved the discomfort to give blair kisses to Ms. Blab and Miss Nicki, the star of "Gang of Four Skins". There were only three BLAB portraits from Judy's new movie "Rasberry Reich". The other items on display didn't hold my interest. In all fairness i was hungry, horndoggy and in a general lousy mood.

LA COME’DIE HUMAINE

Was taken to breaky by Mar’Lou De Luna, my oldest friend. MarLou and I have known each other since the 4th grade. We also went to the same junior high and college(UCLA) though I didn’t graduate from UCLA as I preferred to finish my schooling in the Ivy mortared east. Ms. DeLuna went on to law school and married her college sweatheart Hal Marinas who is also a lawyer. They live in a giant house in the Glendale Hills.

Ever so often we get together at the Pacific Dining Car. Usually we meet up every few months, but because of both our crazy schedules its been over a year. MarLou is hilarious in that dry sort of way. I quote verbatim her latest zarathusthra:

"I told my husband, If you die, I’ll never remarry . . . I hate men!"


THE BROTHERHOOD OF CONSOLATION

I’m always getting these nutters emails sent to me. Here is one I found particularly amusing:

Author Seeks Experiences of Unprovoked Hostility (Anywhere)

Do you consistently experience unprovoked hostility directed at you?
Do others continually condescend, discredit, devalue or otherwise disrespect you without cause?
Do your superiors always resent your talent, competence and strong work ethic?
Are you pushed out of jobs or social groups over and over again?
Are even complete strangers nasty to you for no reason?
And as a result…
Have you fallen short of your potential, in spite of being ambitious, well educated, talented, competent and sociable?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you may be an eligible candidate for a study about a hidden syndrome that affects an exclusive group of people.

To qualify, first submit only a summary of your experiences using the format provided. If your experience fits the profile, you will be asked to answer a comprehensive questionnaire for payment. Describe experience(s) in body of email; do not use attachments.

Summary Format

Part I: Demographics
Sex
Age
Race
Nationality
Education
Occupation
Income
Religion
Residence (type, ownership, etc.)

Part II: Liabilities
Record any obvious disability or other liability that might trigger dislike (e.g., overweight, tattoos, Mohawk hair style, etc.)

Part III: Experience(s)
Describe one or two instances that respond to one or more of the questions posed above. Do not use real names; provide only the nature of relationships to you (e.g., boss, teacher, shoe salesman, store clerk, friend, etc.). Be clear and concise. Your summary should be no more than a paragraph or two.

Compensation: $100
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.
this is in or around Anywhere


CELESTINE PROPHECY

Qtr Pounder aka: Christine Pelisek my Canuck gal pal from the LA Weekly took me to lunch at the Hollywood Roosevelt. I love Christine, she’s from Ottawa the capital of Canadia and is a pure hoot. She wrote this weeks cover story for the LA Weekly and did a fine job reporting on the murderous romantic tanglings of some nutters Upland Empire kids. Mz Hollywood Roosevelt is one of my little secret eating places. Hardly anyone goes there except for Johnny Grant the honorary mayor of Hollywood. You can have the whole place to yourself like its your private VIP restaurant. Our waiter was a middle aged Latino assisted by a cute younger Latin boi with a bouncy baby booty. The kid sure gave bottom energy. The food was great and a fine time was had by all.

TEXT BESSAGING

Just another instant correspondence between me and my Dutch/Rican thrombone.

deribicus: hi I read your stories, they're very funny. you're lucky to have bamboozled the Weekly into bending to your ways
VAGDAVIS: who is this?
deribicus: America's favorite Puerto Rican/Dutch--from New York City, JOHN SANCHEZ! [applause]
VAGDAVIS: oh i didn't recognize your IM screen name. I'm always cautious because people that i don't know also IM me ALL THE TIME and its sooooo annoying.
deribicus: sometimes it is even annoying when people you do know IM, yes? That is my own feeling.
VAGDAVIS: last night at bricktops was my sendoff party for bruce la bruce's new movie that is going to sundance, a great night in all
deribicus: I do not doubt it! too bad you will miss Glenn's bday tomorry!
VAGDAVIS: its so warm today. last week was colder then the east coast but now we're back to our regular balmy winter
deribicus: that, I miss.
VAGDAVIS: oh the Glenn Wonder of all the seven worlds. Give him lots of baskety hugs and kisses for me
deribicus: I still gotta get my hou$e in order and pay off the tax man.
VAGDAVIS: 2nite is Bruce's opening at the Peres Projects Gallery
deribicus: is it the same show that was here?
VAGDAVIS: oh i don't know what showed in NYC. tomorrow is also a party in his honor at Akbar
deribicus: well! He's tearing that town UP!
VAGDAVIS: i'm going to go to the opening if my two muscle dates don't stand me up. bruce is here till the 15th of Jan then Sundance then back in LA for a week
deribicus: did you see his new moovie?
VAGDAVIS: Nope.
deribicus: are you in it?
VAGDAVIS: He didn't have enough $ to fly me to Berlin so Shari Vine got my part in the film. Last night at my club bruce used the casting bed we made for him to audition cute guys for his next movie a steamy porno that pits latino and blatino gangbangers against white hot cops.
deribicus: Shari seems nice but is "just ok" as a performer. If you ask me!
VAGDAVIS: sold some of my books for $Cash and ran into David who works at the book store. He was in Fag Bash with Paul Bonomo who was out here in LA visiting David.
deribicus: Wow! that Bonomo gets around. He was just here with his new musical duo "Captain Comotose."
VAGDAVIS: oh my good friend duped a copy of Angels in America the HBO movie. I liked it.
deribicus: I haven't seen it but I guess Flotilla has a big bit in it? I like her.
VAGDAVIS: oh my gawd yes. Flo was genius in it. Lypsinka is in the crowd scene seething with jealousy. Other queens too. Lyp got a bad review in the Advocate of all places for her new stage review
deribicus: I saw that show. It was good and Elaine Stritch was in the audience busting a gut!
VAGDAVIS: Flo really tore up in her scene in Angels. oh are you and Lyp friends?
deribicus: no, I but she and Steve LaFreniere (Art Forum Magazine) are friends.
VAGDAVIS: i don't know her at all. i saw her in boy drag at the Slammer Sex club getting down. It was frightening to say the least. she has a somewhat large cock. But that ginger rubber face in ecstacy, well lets just say its not a pretty sight.
deribicus: oh geeze. that's scary to even read about
VAGDAVIS: we were both walking in at the same time. and gave each other this look, "don't i know you from somewhere" i didn't figure out it was her for almost an hour into the sex club
deribicus: ...and her dick was in your bootie
VAGDAVIS: hahahahaha and her scat in my mouth
deribicus: Then some other familiar looking guy came on your face and--oh my God, it's Joey Arias!
VAGDAVIS: then he pissed on me it smelled just like chanel no. 5
deribicus: Gold and Black
VAGDAVIS: golden streams baby
deribicus: it was a vision of pre-lapsarian Africa
VAGDAVIS: oh i gotta return three trillion emails and call my dates to see if they are still picking me up.
Kisses my darling. ta tar
deribicus: good-bye to you, my guiding light & leading lady!!

BEAUTY IS AS BEAUTY DOES

Francesco Scavullo, the famed Cosmo photographer died at age 82. He took my picture back in the 80s and said that I was one of the most beautiful women in the world.

RICKI LAKE DEBACLE

I always get a few emails a month asking me to be on some TV talk show or audition for a sitcom. I always turn it down. The lastest is from a producer of the Ricki Lake Show. I loved Ricki when she was chubby and the star of Hairspray and in several other John Waters movies. Last time I was at Fertile LaToyah Jackson’s house she was watching Ricki’s talk show and I was surprised at how much weight the girl has lost. She was very sexy fat, but doesn’t radiate the same quality thin. She’s still charming and sweet natured, but like Divine her big size made her unique and special. I don’t know what this has to do with anything but I just decided I’d mention it.

PLAY DULCIMER

a recent instant message dialogue with my good east coast pal:

deribicus: Hello Ms. Davis
VAGDAVIS: oh pretty one/perfect one. i love you
deribicus: And I you!
VAGDAVIS: i had such a nice time with you last friday. and all the bricktops kids adore you. you looked so good in your spiffy outfit.
Mr. Uncertain and Co. Really put on a show eh?
deribicus: Oh that crowd is one of the best you have drawn ever, so Fresh Faced! But sadly I did not wear that raccoon coat home to NYC as a trophy, as I dared hope. And I love your new song re: Strom Thurman and Uma Thurman.
VAGDAVIS: did you talk to Mr. Raccoon coat, who was he?
deribicus: I did talk to him, didn't get so much bio, he's from Long Beach went to Poly High (same as Snoop plus Cameron Diaz) and came w/ the girl w/ the right on blue dress and the dyke who looked like a boy driver---she was great
VAGDAVIS: I love people who are creative dressers.
deribicus: early 20th century clothing lends itself to much intrigue, esp. for the ladies.
VAGDAVIS: Can't wait till Bruce La Bruce is in town
deribicus: Who is the one chap you do know, he is kind of little and he had on a black trench coat and the de rigeur cap?
VAGDAVIS: Oh that was Dax, he's the gay boyfriend of Charity Hope Valentine. He and Charity sometimes have sex with each other. These young kids are wonderfully pansexual .
deribicus: Oh I love those who can take pansexuality out of theory and into practice! Dr. Richard Wang asked: Did Ms. Davis look like Queen Latifah in the movie Chicago? I said: sorta!
VAGDAVIS: now who is this Dr. Wang?
deribicus: he is the inventor of www.blairmag.com, that nutty ezine I wrote for w/ the Carol Channing tribute, the Gay or Eurotrash game, etc. He's this kooky, girly Chinese fag, and he's also an actual medical doctor! you met him here one time. but you meet everyone!
VAGDAVIS: found a new Bricktops discovery this cute girl group called the Ditty Bops. amazing harmonies—just signed to Warner Bros. gotta run. have a million emails to return. love you miss you already kiss kiss bang bang
deribicus: To you, all my love!! see you soon.

FOR WHAT CAME YE INTO THE WILDERNESS?

Received a lovely letter and packet from Renton Durelle. Its his ritual four times a year. Ren must be at least 22 or 23 now. He’s going to graduate school at Cornell, and is one of the most dear and sincere young men I’ve ever met. He’s also a striking beauty, tall, uber masculine and direct. His family is one of the most powerful in these United States of God’s America country.

He was one of my students when I taught for a stint at Deep Springs College, the utopian school in the high desert on the border between Nevada and California. The students pick the professors, and I was one of the hand chosen few. It was such a priveledge. My good friend the extroidinary writer Bruce Benderson, taught there, and he must have told the kids about me, though I’ve never had that confirmed.

Deep Springs is a two year liberal arts campus with 25 students-all strapping boys in their radiant youth, the school occupies a 120 square mile cattle ranch. Lucien Nunn founded the school in 1917 as a refuge from the distractions of traditional campus life. The school credo is based on three pillars: labor, academics and self-government. The boys are allowed to develop an instinctive understanding of democratic principles and the need to serve society. The schools principles of unselfish service in uplifting mankind from materialism to idealism really dotted all my proverbial I’s. There aren’t any TV’s, computers, or phones, not because they are against them, its just that they don’t get good reception so its not worth having them.

And I’ve never been in such a natural homosexually inclined environment, where the boys give each other pleasure in a matter-of-fact, unaffected way, courting each other with a spirit of true brotherhood, love and affection. No mealy mouthed, shrill, faggoty, histrionics.

I wish I had known about Deep Springs when I had graduated from high school, one thousand years ago.

Young Ren will be in Los Angeles in the Spring and I can’t wait to see him again. Did i mention that he also has a HUGE penis?

ADELPHIA MI ET CURET

Oh i had forgotten to write about my day of drinking with Jeffreyland Hilbert at the Spotlight Pub a few weeks ago. I adore Jeffreyland. He is originally from Idaho, and i think that his not being from LA gives him an outsiders take of Los Angeles that is spot on and righteous. I've never known a white boy to be so black in his take on the world. Jeffreyland is a rebel at heart, and is the ultimate seeker of truth.
I was relaying to Jeffreyland how big Daddy Athey was telling me that this is the year that i need to have a nice little relationship with someone. It doesn't have to be the love of my life, it can be very temporary, but he thinks that i need that.
Jeff concurred, but also agreed with me when i said that when i see these gay boi couples running around town, i don't see any great passion between them. They just seem like nice school chums.

SCENTED WITH BERGAMONT

My favorite couple Skot Armstrong and James Tallon, the driving forces behind the Science Holiday art collective and Museum of Fun galleries threw an old fashion high HIGH tea party at the Regal Biltmore Hotel Sunday afternoon. It was a perfect day to gather at this historic hotel’s Rendevous Court. My escort was Matthew Phillip an Aussie journalist and contributing editor to Blue Magazine who now lives in New York with his sweet and delicious beau Michael and works for the Village Voice under Richard Goldstein.

The most important wo-man in Los Angeles Bibbe Hansen with her young, well hung, jailbait husband, Sean Carrillo rounded out the party. A fine time was had by all. I’ve never laughed so much and the tea service was purely enchanting. I choose the "champagne of tea-- Darjeeling , which is very light almost "high yeller" in color with a savagely delicate muscatel flavour and flowerette bouquet. Of course I made a pure piglet of myself almost choking on the smoke salmon and dill butter on country bread sandwiches. I didn’t eat that many of the "dainties", but I couldn’t resist the scones with Devonshire cream. Skot and James are so generous and showered me with what seemed like a million presents. All things I really need-----I swear that besides being sexy they are both clairvoyant.

ALMANACH DE GOTHA

Bricktops’ George White Scandals nite was just that ---an unadulturated scandale!!!!! The Fishnet Floozy’s performed and as usual tore up! The Floozys are good time gals, very sweet with a nice raunchy, fun loving crowd.

Mr. Uncertain sang a new song that really kicked. So many notables in the crowd that
I don’t know where to begin.

Kitty Diggens, the czarina of Burlesque from Portland, Oregon was celebrating her birthday in the boydello lounge. Prickle was the guest DJ and he played some amazing tunes----all records, no CD’s.

Pirate Jenny then took over behind the wheels of steel and was spinning like a wild woman. Pirate Jenny aka: Professor Jennifer Doyle hosted a lovely New Year’s day brunch that featured all of the most acclaimed artists and
academics, with memosa’s and delicious edibles.

Getting back to Bricky’s. A BBC documentarian came and was filming for a special on the LA Club Scene. I also got to meet cute Matthew an Aussie journalist now living in New York with his sexy boyfriend Michael. Matthew is working for the Village Voice and also is a main contributor to the Aussie mag Blue.

Rebecca Del Rio of Mulholland Drive fame was enchanting wearing all Chanel. Her best accessory was a very young Jewish boy from Chicago with the fullest lips who gave me a kiss that warmed my cold black heart. Bibbe Hansen and her husband Sean Carrillo were radiant dancing up a storm with Dame Darcy, Nora of the Centimeters, Creekbird, the Velvet Rope’s Lisa Derrick, Gwen Kahn, Shauna Leone, Miss Morgan Olsen and the deliriously sexy Poubelle Twins.

Gorgeous Daniel Bruhl of Wolfgang Petersen’s german hit Good Bye, Lenin! Complimented my DJ skills and Victor Rasuk (Raising Victor Vargas) was chatting away in Spanish with our humpy bar back Rubencito. I was also introduced to the French director Nicolas Philibert(Etre et Avoir) who will be in Los Ang for two weeks and said he will come back this Friday, because he wants to meet Bruce La Bruce.

CAHIERS DU CINE’MA

When I was in Paris two years ago I saw this movie Secret Things by Jean-Claude Brisseau. I loved it. Now its playing here at the Nuart Theatre in tired West LA for one week only and I had to see it again, though riding the bus all the way to the westside isn’t my idea of a frolic filled time.

Ate a delicious meal around the corner at LuLu’s. LuLu’s use to be just a coffee shop if I remember correctly, but now they are a full menu café, famous for their fried twinkies(yuk). The girl who served me was very personable and attentive, not what I’m use to from people in this part of town.

Getting back to the movie---its audacious and stars two striking french lasses Coralie Revel and Sabrina Seyvecou and an arrogant chunk of a man played by Fabrice Deville. I’m not going to tell you anything about it, just recommend that you see it.

GOLDEN STREAMS

Rick Van Santen died. Rick was one of the owners of Goldenvoice, who have the monopoly on punk rock promotion in Los Angeles. He also started the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival in Indio that has become very popular and critically acclaimed. I remember when Rick sold t-shirts for the Screamers. He use to be somewhat cute, but the last time I remember seeing him was when I opened up for Siouxie and the Banshees at the Hollywood Paladium, and he was fat, bald and middle aged looking. I didn’t recognize him, and we are exactly the same age. There was a time when he had a crush on me, but my drag persona was just too overwhelming for him. I wonder if Wiley will take his place in the firm?

THE SEVEN SISTERS

Saw the new Julia Roberts flick "Mona Lisa Smile". I’m not a big Ms. Roberts fanatic, but she does have some filmic charm and more personality then Meg Ryan or Sandra "Dullard"Bullocks. The pic was actually quite lovely. I adore Julia Stiles and she really conveyed the period better then any of the other actresses. Maggie Gyllenhaul was also a standout, and the young nerdy actor who was pursuing the wallflower girl. I really wanted him-BIG TIME!!!! Poor Kirsten Dunst. She is way too young to look so old.