PAMELA ANDERSON LIZALA VRAT MADIONICARU
Why is it that everytime i travel there are only hideous, fugly business men, sallow obese families or ruddy mountaineers with three necks and no chin parked at my gate. Proper eye candy is just so hard to come by these days. It was great to get out of town, but i left the charcoal grey of Berlin for the bile grey of Zagreb and even colder weather.
Zvonomir "Zvonko" Dobrovic of The Queer Zagreb Festival(wwwQueerZagreb.org) invited me to come to Croatia earlier in the year when i met him at the Cheap Gossip Studio at the Berlinale. We clicked immediately, his peppy energy and ribald enthusiasm is so infectious. Queer Zagreb is a tiny little festival with lots of heart. Festival co-director Gordony Bosanac picked me up at the tiny aeroport and deposited "the doll" at a cozy lesbianic flat adjacent to the gorgeous city zentrum. Natasha "Rambova" Bodrozic, the vivacious festival executive producer came to fetch me after i napped and take me to look at Klub Global at Pavla Hatza, the only gay club in the village, and region. Its going to be the site for the closing night festival party that i named Sextette--Erotic Playground, from a campy late career Mae West flick from the 70s. I will act as exotic hostessa, DJ/VJane and visualist for the evening.
Originally they wanted the event to take place in an abandoned tunnel that housed raves in the 90s, but the city nixed that and i am glad---it would have been a disaster.
The festival tech coordinator isnt a very enthusiastic worker bee. Doesnt he realize that its considered a grievous faux pas in international art circles to say anything other then, "Yes, Ms. Davis, whatever you want Ms. Davis or the classic, Yes my darling Ms. Davis, i am merely a humble vassel to service your needs and inspirational will!"
And don´t let me get started about the bar manager a Lurch look-a-like fag who could only manage two expressions: glum and glummer. At this point i was thinking, what have i gotten myself into, but i also was dealing with an empty stomach which always leaves me feeling cranky to anyone who isn´t attractive or spunky.
Fortunately Zonko and his teenage half Brazillian, half German child bridestud Andre´Von Ah, whisked me to a quaint Italian bistro where all my holes got filled with grog and ale.
During the sumpteous meal i get filled in on Queer Zagreb projects like their Tashen style coffee table book "Oral History of Homosexuality in Croatia which features 25 people from the ages of 30-70 talking about socialist life when the country was part of Yuguslavia. They will also bring a documentary film called "Replaying the Balkans" to the Berlinale Film Festival in February, that traces through 30 movie clips the gay motives of cinematography in the regionale from 1945 - 2000.
There are only about 35 professional faggots in the Catholic/homophobe dominated country. At their last gay pride celebration a visiting Italian senator and his beau were attacked by a mob of fascists in broad daylight in the city square, and a molitov cocktail was thrown. Nice.
Back at my lesbian flat i read Sylvia Plaths´s The Bell Jar. There wasnt a TV, so of course i was a bit miffed. Traveling is the only time i get to watch the stoob tube. When i finally fell into a sound sleep i was woken by an incubus that looked like Franojo Tudmon, and this horny intity was desperately trying to penetrate my dry as a cactus pussy.
POSLATICA OD BAJAMA S LJUBAVLJU
On the day of the big event, Christina a stylish and efervescent arts presenter, who i met before in Ljubjana took me to luncheon at Cafe Nocturnal, and later for coffee and hairy eyeballing at The Argentine, where we gossiped about mutual friends & associates in the international live art scene. Cristina knows everybody, and she and the Croatian womenfolk are so god damn beautiful and seductive that even fags wind up turning straight, like Chris Kanavan of the UK ,when they come down to do a performance.
In the evening a twinky cutie pie pal of Cristina, "Johnny Darko" was my escort to the club. He was late, and was so ditzy he couldnt find the club at first, it was like the blind leading the blind. But it didnt matter, my make-up artist Martin, aka: Tranny Eyes of Laura Mars was also late. Laura is the only drag queen in greater Macedonia all the way to Thessalonika, so she is quite in demand, sweet and dumure.
Miss Natasha ran with my decorating ideas, and pretty soon the place was looking very lively, like a combination of my famed clubs Bricktops and GIMP, with a little Platinum Oasis thown in.
Some art smarty pants with lots of capital$$$ should finance my traveling Cheap Public Sex Arts Festival project. I´d make a great festival director.
The soiree started at 11pm, and the crowd loved my music and gonzo black porn images, as well as the abstract erotica of the great genius, Tim Blue of Cheap, which looked incredible in the small space projected behind me in the DJ both.
I only spun till 1pm, replaced by locals Michael, a younger, cuter version of the guy who runs the trendy nitespot Berlin Hilton and DJ Yas, a complete sweetheart of a man. As usual all the lesbianas and straight women flocked to me, wanting photo ops and such, but one blondine boy did ask for a kiss, and later in the evening after my set hit me up about whether i thought he had potential appeal to make it in Hollywood. Yikes!
The evening attracted a mixed crowd of everybody from weenagers to senior citizens, gay and straight, it reminded me of a small town gay bar atmosphere and that was a bit refreshing. I was shocked by the large amount of sport stars and national celebrities, who like the novelty of a gay club, and that there are few nightlife choices. Among the celebutants: Croatian TV´s Naked Chef, Sexy Maria of Belgrade who works for the minister of culture in Serbia, Dusko Sibl a famous Croatian painter who lives in London, Slavko Stafanovic a Belgrade basketball player, ladyboy killer Roland Mouret, the man famous for rejecting the sultry advances of Hollywood star George Clooney, footballers Davor Vugrinec, Igor Biscán, swim star Milorad Damjanic´and some reality TV personalities from the show Big Bros: Marko Grubnic, Vanje Halilovic and Antonije Stupar. I will get more reports on who was there and add them to the list later.
I could tell no one was going to be brave enough to take me home for a good plowing, though the hot dimunitive skinhead barback was giving me the most attention all night. I left at 2pm, but i heard the place raged on until 6am.
ZIDOVI KOJI GOVORE
My last evening in Zagreb, Zvonko and his teenage lover threw me a dinner party where they cooked a mixture Croatian/South American delicacies. The lovely table featured the divine Maria of Belgrade, my make-up artist Laura and her sweet softspoken pal Anna whose last named sounded like Pinkpornstar, and festival volunteer Marco with Bruce LaBruce´s dynamic star Daniel Belchior of Skin Gang/Raspberry Reich fame. In the morning Zvonko´s pretty fresh faced younger sister took me to the aeroport and i was more then ready to return to bleak Berlina.

AMITIE' AMOUREUSE
Berlin can sometimes get on a girls last raw nerve. Tricked with a handsome, muscular, ginger headed Babylonian Gorgon the other day who had one of the longest and thickest peterfications i have ever gazed upon in my life. And to complicate matters it wasnt a Rod Gerato like member, thats big and lumpy soaking up moisture like a sponge, but one of those giant dicks that is actually rock hard like Gibralter. Seems too good to be true, eh Demanda? Yes, the fool was more interested in showing me his bric-a-brac collection and assorted antiques then getting down to business and tearing up my hole. Only in Berlin kids, only in Berlin.
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Love is a publicity stunt and making love after the first curious rapture is only another petulant way to pass the time.
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Tim Blue and I met with Mijke, a sweet Dutch girl who works at the HAU theatre and is organizing these workshops that Tim and I will teach with 100 high school students in June. o lady the life you lead.
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Anna and Christophe came over to the Cheese Endique Trifecta studio and i showed them some of my underground films including the latest one that i starred in for director John Aes-Nihil, which is a remake of Suddenly Last Summer, where i play the Katherine Hepburn role, with Jade Gordon of My Barbarian fame as Liz Taylor and the late, great Lance Loud as Princess Tinymeat, Monty Cliff. John Aes-Nihil is one of the Baltimore Four, the filmmaker friends that include Kenneth Anger, Barry Levinson and John Waters. Aes-Nihil takes about 10 years to finish one of his movies, his other classics include The Drift, starring Glen Meadmore, Goddess Bunny and The Tired Danielle of the Ephiphany which is a remake of the Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone, also The Ma Barker Gang and his most famous film The Charles Manson Murders. Aes-Nihil also has a pre punk rock band called Beyond Joy and Evil, that began in the late 60s and continue today, though performances are rare. BJ&E did perform at my old clubs GIMP and Bricktops.
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Susanne Sachsee, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap and her lovely mother sent me a million delightful Christmas presents, wrapped so inventively that i didnt want to open them immediately. Everything was something that i desperately need for life in cold, damp Berlin. Items from the former GDR town of Jena where Suzi grew up. I have very thoughtful friends.
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My Arsenal program Rising Stars, Falling Stars was incredible last night. We showed two movies by la grande mama of the Avant garde Germaine Deluc. L'Invitacion de la Voyage and Disque 957 accompanied by the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny. What a joyous event. It also turned into an thank you party for the cast and crew of Cheap Blacky. Germaine Deluc should be revered by anyone who loves outstanding filmmaking. This hot buttered lesbian was way ahead of her time is all i have to say.
Seen cavorting during the after screening reception: Filmmakers Heinz Emigholz with juicy assistant Lior, Isabelle Spengler, Dalia Neis and her smoking hot British/Israeli connection posse, Christophe Chemin, DJ Angie Baby, Wiebke the perky Arsenal intern, Arsenal director Empress Stephanie, Nanna Heidenreich, expert projectionist Ooshee, the friendly kasse girls Claudia & Grit, Tito and Wolle the technical directors of the HAU Theatre with the Hebbel's top gun Anna Muelter who along with Susanne Sachsee made the buffett spread, Cheaps Daniel Henrickson and Marc Siegel, Mama Mia make-up guru Tan Bihn Nguyen with hunky brother and pretty pal, concert pianist David Patrick of Jamaica, New York Times scribe Adam Fisher in town writing a piece on ex pats, Sam Riley who brilliantly stars as deathboy Ian Curtis of my favorite band Joy Division in the new movie Control. Zoo Magazine writer and sex god Travis Jeppeson who brought muscular Brit Gerald Butler and Bollywood movie stars and real life homosexy lovers Upen Patel and Rajnesh Duggal.

LORD LOVE A DUCK
One evening in January 1982 i was reading a book just before supper, in the Park Avenue apartment of a handsome, but vulgar investment banker. This man wanted me to take part in a sex party among government officials . . . due to a mere accident of birth, which at the time i took no notice of, i was erotically irresistible to men, but false humility was a gift i had been denied.
I had always been abnormally truthful, though it never occured to me to be vain about it. My integrity like my sexual beauty, came so naturally that i was quite mystified by the attention it drew. Thus it was that the bankers presumption in questioning my self-knowledge, which i specialized in, i saw through as a pathetically ill disguised alibi for keeping me in New York as his private property to flatter his ego. I left immediately for Philadelphia, packing only his first editions. Having often told him he was too stupid to appreciate them, i could not be so sanctimonious as to leave them in his possession. . .

IN FESSELN GELEGT,GESPANKT UND GEFINGERED
I knew that old WWII bombs, grenades and the like still turn up in and around Berlin, but i had no idea till a report on NPR that in the Western Front of WWI, that there are still unexploded grenades and shells, so many in fact that it would take 500 years to find them all. YIKES.
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Anna and Miss Stephanie of the Hebbel took Assaf Hochman, Christophe Chemin and i to an American production at HAU I. It was nice seeing something in English, and the piece titled Songs of the Dragons Flying to Heaven by Young Jean Lee and her New York based Theatre Company was spirited. While i believe in supporting my Korean sistah´s! I wish i could recommend this production wholeheartedly. There are lots of great ideas floating about, but its a bit of a convoluted mess, like 15 different stage shows in one. I did like how she was attempting to tackle race issues in a non-dogmatic, whimsical fashion.
Several times i thought the work was going to pop, and it would always leave me frustrated. If i was Ms.Lee i´d develop the white guy/asian girl theme more. Replace Ms. Yamamoto as the lead with Margaret Cho. I did find the immasculated, bearded, lanky white dude Brian Bickerstaff sexy in a pigeon chested kind of way. Juliana Francis Kelly was just too Law & Order Special Victims Unit in her acting and stage presence for my taste, and what was with those ill stockings and Amy Winehouse ballet slippers the costumer had her wear. Oh and stark lighting never works, kill that please! The Korean chorus in folk costumes were the best part of this work, and whenever they disapeared i kept wanting to go back stage and bring them out again.
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Wonderful dindin at Tim Blue´s flat. We havent´t been able to spend any quality time together, and he is one of my favorite peeps, with an insight that is always glowing and very right on Maude! After supper we had a drink at the Frankenstein 5000 bar also known as Ficken. It was fugly saturday nite fever, as the place was filled with some of the most hideous creatures i have ever seen in Berlin, short of the Kottbusser Tor crusties.

MARJORIE MORNINGSHTAR
A Reis Chicken is the Muslim Popeye´s Fried Chicken of Berlin town. Located in the working class Neu Köln area. I love oogling all the humpy turks in white pants, and swarthy A-rabs that leave my dry pussy very,very wet.
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Time to reflect. Without generosity in the arts, there are no artists perfectly developed. Proust----a big YES!!!! Henry James---NO! Greta Garbo----Yes! Dietrich----No! Judy Garland-----triple dipple YES YES AND MORE YES! Frank Sinatra----a sad downcast eyes, NO! David Wojohowitz---Yes. Terence Koh---No!

SCHON KLAR UND WELCHE WÖRTER SIND DAS?
I think i forgot to mention that i went to see Ulrike Ottinger´s 1980s film re-telling of Dorian Gray starring Verushka. Ms. Ottinger creates lovely imagery, but she needs Jackie Reynal to edit for her. Film historian Marcu Siegel conducted a masterly interview with the legendary Verushka after the screening at Kino Arsenal.
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Celebrity studded luncheon at Suzi Su´s Prince Lauber compound featuring Parisian wunderkind Christophe Chemin, directors The Reding Twins, ingenue Emma de Caunes, Yves St. Laurent designer Stefano Pilati,and studly uber manlische Nicolas Fargues. The food never stopped coming, and of course it was all deliciously served with the fervant Sachsee charm.
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Caught the end of an NPR report on oil company conspiracy theories. Well my little lady view is: as the sunflower follows the sun by nature, so it is by nature that the oil companies rob the world. They do not have to get together and conspire to do what they have been doing since they came into existance.
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An A-list actor acquaintance of mine, surprised me with a phone call. How he got my telephone number is beyond me, but he wanted to get my opinion on his performance in a new movie he stars in. Why he should care what i think, living among the elite in Hollywood as he does, is a subject i have ceased to chow down on.
However he was so urgent over the phone, and seemed so attached to this new project that I promised to watch the movie when its released in Berlina, and write a report on my blog.
Years ago i learned that truth is not the answer people seek when it comes to appraisel of their creative work. I can only hope that this new film won´t make it to Europe,and will receive a sympathetic burial, which according to what i have read about it online---- the entire premise seems silly, and useless as a vehicle for this particular actors imposing manly charms. o Ms. Davis why are you such a bitchina!

THE RICHES OF ADVENT
Discovered a new German religious observation called Advent. Never heard of it before, i guess its a Protestant thing, buts it happens on the Sunday leading to Christmas.
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Hung out with LA art photographer Beth Herzhaft and her New York editor pal. Had a lovely time connecting with a native Angeleno, who although we've never met, we know all the same people from the punk and post punk scenes. She happens to be good buddies with one of my LA Weekly editors Robert Lloyd and grumpy Phil Heath of CowPoo and Re-Mix dead stock vintage apparel fame.
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Gorgeous Dinette Set luncheon at Fearless Leader of kollective Cheap Suzi Su's compound with the Blue Bros- KJohnny & Tim, and film historian Marcu Siegel. Some crazy gnut emailed me about the Blue Bros. So many people read this blog, and i forget that sometimes. Well this wacko has a thing for twin bros, and somehow he thinks from my mentions in this bloggo, that The Blues are identical homosexual twin lovers. Talk about projecting his own fantasies on them. The guy came all the way from Miami to attend the premiera of Cheap Blacky just in the hopes of seducing the Blues, only to be disapointed that they weren't identical twin brothers. Not only are they not twins, they are 10 years apart in age, and one brother is gay and the other hetero. But this crazo has the nerve to complain to me that i mislead him.
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Return of Max und Moritz at Parkaue. Lots of young trendies at the Saturday performance. I guess its people checking out the piece after the success of Cheap Blacky. Too bad the Parkaue will discontinue M&M at the end of the season next year. So go see it while you can. Anna and Christophe Chemin came on Sunday, the cast was in fine spirits with everyone ad libbing, and having a joyous good time. Frau Schuster was incredible!!!! Afterwards Anna and Christophe took me to the Mehringdam German Country restaurant Deitrich's where i had a heart meal---yummy.
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I never go to house parties, but i attended the house warming of Senol and Angie on Saturday night. Senol and Angie both worked on the set for Cheap Blacky and are wonderful. Angie was the spinderella behind the wheels of steel and did a great job keeping the party energy super high. Usually houseparties in Berlin are a dull affair, but this one was rocking! I danced, flirted and danced some more. Great talking with pretty Michaela, Nico and the bbooks kollective posse. Booty princess Nanna Heidenreich and I led the freak dancing. Tall, elegant and handsome Ulli who i have such a schoolgirl crush on, with his fun loving and cute girlfriend are my big mama favorites. It was also nice to see Sasha with his pectoral implants. He just completed his disertation, plus a multitude of other beauty pies.
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Years ago in LA i gave my old editor-in-chief at the LA Weekly a copy of a book i was writing called The Naked Goat, she thought it was good and passed it on to some well known New York editors at a major publishing house. Now it seems like they want to publish this novel of sorts. Life is sooo strange. I usually get tons of emails from publishers who want me to do an as-told to book about all the famous people i have the dirt on. When i mention to them that i have my own writing work, they condescendingly say to send them a complete manuscript, and they will look at it, as if i had nothing better to do but write books for their ok. Tired!!!
So as not to jinx The Naked Goat, i will just say that its a book divided into 9 self contained chapters: High Ranks, Ruined, The Cost of Star, Expectorant Angel, The Black Orchid, The Belle Falls, Excitement me, Broader Fields and The Silver Salver. Its autobiographic but in a sly way i write mainly about others, but throw in stuff about myself, so i tell the absolute truth without incriminating anyone by name. I originally wrote it very quickly and forgot that i gave it to Sue Horton, then editor of the LA Weekly, and that she recommended it to her New York editor friends. We´ll see if anything comes of it, and with my luck, nothing will.
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Living in Exile here in Germany from Hollywood can sometimes be a hoot. At the library i keep abreast on things by reading the Guardian, and The Hearst International Paper, and at home i listen to NPR Berlin, and The BBC on the radio. I am forever struck by the fact that politics and money, and how these most complex dealings in human mischief are ruled by the most ordinary men who achieve wealth and power simply by fitting neatly into their appointed slots without disturbing the bureacratic or organizational machinary. From this point of view President Shrub could not have avoided being elected even if he wanted to.

LAST EMBRACE
Cheap Blacky production coordinator Anna came over to my Cheese Endique Studio for a sweet visit to cheer me up from my post Cheap Blacky depression. Anna brought with her some delicious dainties made from the former pastry chef of Berlin's famous Adlon Hotel. We had a wonderous girlie time, laughing and hooting it up royally. A few days later Christophe Chemin, the "It" boy from Paris cooked a sexy gourmand meal for me and Anna at his Mehringdamm flat. We watched several Cheap Blacky documentation videos, and in between critiquing, gossip and overall merriment, a lot of joy was spread like almond butter.
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Went to see the Keira Knightly film Atonement that co-stars the bubble butt, tiny young British actor James McAvoy, who i met during Berlinale early in the year. He is even cuter in person then he appears on film. Too bad he is soooo damn demunitive.
The only thing men that small are good for is sitting on raw faces.
Speaking of the Berlinale. By popular demand Cheap is going to recreate our infamous Gossip Studio. This year we will also debut the Cheapy Awards as a companion piece to the Gossip Studio. More details forthcoming.
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Next time you read this blog, you will get to be the first ones to sneak peak a new written series called Cornelius.

CINE CLUB
Gorgeous preseco pre-party at the Arsenal on Thursday with Empress Stefanie, Nanna Heidenreich and handsome Ulli in the Forum offices before my 2nd Rising Stars, Falling Stars silent movie presentation. After lots of primping, make-up and hair we all went down stairs for the program feeling a little toasty and bursting with love. Being with the Arsenal gang helped to shake away my post Cheap Blacky blues for good. Thank heaven for the Kino Arsenal, Miss Stefanie and her rock steady crew for my deliverance!!!
The divine Eunice Martin was in excellent form accompanying the films Fie´vre by Louise Delluc, and Man Ray´s Emak Bakia. After the screening we engaged in a delicious woman2woman conversation. I have to make a point to get Eunice invited to America to accompany the many silent film programs there, her style would be a revelation, and put a crimp in the tired boys club that is so prevalent there.
The celebs in attendance this month: Evie of bbooks,Tim Blue, Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson of kollective Cheap, sexy Spanish siren Cristina with Wolfgang of Discoteca Flaming Star, Austrian poetess Sissy Tax, underground film guru Wilhelm Hein and his lovely art photographer girlfriend Annette Frick, Arsenal intern Weibke and her posse of 1920s inspired glamazons, Berlin legend Zazie de Paris, who rode her bike all the way from Charlottenberg, The Hebbel Theatre´s darling Anna Muelter, Parisian wonder boy Christophe Chemin, It Girl Angie, artist DL Alvarez and his posse of über friendly, fun and vivacious arganauts, theatre director Hans-Werner Krösinger(Beirut Report) actor Moritz Bleibtreau, Queeny German film comic Hape Kerkeling, and newly out lesbiana, and TV presenter for teutonias most important news program, the L-sexy Anne Will.
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Sad note. I won´t mention his name, at this time, but an internationally known scenester passed recently. He made a career of his emotions. Periods of work or well endowed lovers were terminated by his frightening, abandoned laughter of despair and failure. Only his death this week, achieved in a fifth suicide attempt, could be termed a success.

SLASHING PATRIARCHY
The week run of Cheap Blacky directed by Judy LaBruce at HAU 2 is over. I am exhausted from the experience, so completely drained i can barely write this blog. Our little performance piece shattered box office records. Every performance with sold out with SRO seating, and this without the benefit of local reviews. The local press didnt know what to make of it, so they just ignored it. Good for them! A lot of people saw the performance two or three times, so we got a lot of repeat business clamor.
In reporting on the opening i left out a few names like artist Dean Samashima, and his cute curly haired asssistant, producer and filmmaker Jurgen Bruning, Berlin cabaret legend Zazie De Paris,Niko,Micheala,Evie and the divine Allessio of bbooks kollective.
I am still getting names, so the list will continue.
On closing night it was great to see Sebastian who performed in the first Cheap project in 2001, Cheap Jewelry. He has shaved off his blondine locks, and grown a Muslim style beard, which is very manlische on him. He still has his rock hard bubble butt.
I am still so overwhelmed by this production i can barely type a sentence. Since this piece was commissioned by two other theatres in Hamburg and Zurich, we will be traveling there next year as well as Austria and all through France and Belgium. Get ready for Cheap Blacky at a European city near you.

NEUE UFER
I´ve been getting a bunch of emails from LA folks who are coming to Berlin for a visit.
Texas Terri of the power pop band Texas Terri and the Stiff Ones, actually lives here in Berlin now and she sent me a sweet emug that she heard about Cheap Blacky and wants to come and see it.
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After i perform for the closing night festivities for this festival in Zagreb in December i will get a chance to hang out with my old pal the Love Camel of Milan, who now lives in London. Love Camel is sooo quiet, and unobtrusive that sometimes you forget that he is even in the room with you. I love people with that kind of energy.
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Got word from poor Glen Meadmore that he was robbed at Uzipoint in Frogtown(Atwater Village)in Los Angeles. The poor queen could have been killed. I love her to death, and worry about her constantly. Thank god she is going on tour next year with her band, of a few european countries. Talk about someone who is not appreciated in the states. Ms. Meadmore is an underrated genius.
Heard that my drag daughter Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer fame moved back to LA. I never ran into her once, since i moved here, and when i had my sublet, someone said she was staying just around the corner from me.
It seems like every time i go into Nollendorky Platz i run into someone from my past. The other evening i bumped into a queen i use to see from the saunas in LA, i don´t know his name, he was just a tired black sauna woman, who would wear a wool hat haunting the halls of the Midtown Spa. I guess she wore that hat because she was bald or something. The queen had a million questions for me about life in Berlin, but i wasn´t feeling her, so i escaped her grip poste haste. Before that i ran into Lawrence Elbert at the grizzly, salty dog gay bar Sheune. I didnt even recognize him until he came up to me to say, "Hi". Lawrence actually has some talent as a cinematographer, so he should go far in the mainstream film world he covets so. Since i meet so many people from working with the Sundance Film Festival, and the Berlinale, i should recommend Lawrence for a job, he won´t appreciate it, but so what?

SCHATZ DU HAST EIN GANZ SCHÖN KORPER
Premiera of Cheap Blacky, and as usual evertime i perform its like the first time. I always get super nervous. I guess thats what gives me my edge. Been fighting a sore throat and the re-occuring knee problems that come with being elderly. Fortunately Anna, our super sonic production coordinator ran and got me some über anti-inflammatories that got me through the performance-thank god. The show went well. Director Judy LaBruce did a great job pulling it off, and with help from an expert lighting tech Hans,plus Tito and Reiner in the sound depart and all the wonderful tech guys at HAU 2 who always go way beyond the call of duty for Cheap.
Our show was the hottest ticket in town, with a sold out SRO crowd, which helped our ensemble sparkle. The biggest new discovery being Tan Binh Nguyen, our make-up designer, who besides beating a fierce face is quite a stage force, quietly stealing the show. German audiences are notoriously hard to read, but they are polite and reserved so its difficult to gage their true feelings. This particular piece is such a tour de force with Christophe Chemins fantastiche videos and set, and the glorious original music of the Blue Bros, and Daniela Modesto and with the language barrier, since the majority of the textis in English, that i believe its a lot to process all at once. Plus they don't have a reference point for this kind of work.
I was very happy with my performance nonetheless, and proud of my fellow Cheapies who tore up from the floor up. Special thanks to Rick Owens and his assistant Asha Mines. Rick really came through for his old LA girlfriend designing the costumes and making me a brand new gown that included a fox stole---can we talk glamour here.
Our after party was downstairs at WAU Cafe with the great Peaches and her honey Conny, tag team DJing. The atmosphere was very festive indeed. Of course my anti-inflams wore off and my knee kept me confined to a corner holding court, until a boxum blondine lad of 19 or so gave me some opiate in the form of a tiny pill which immediately downing with mineral water and a champagne chaser i was ready for the Boston Marathon. It would have been a pity to sit during a rock set of tunes that Peaches compiled that included Danzig, the B-52s Siouxie and the Banshees, so i got my lady dance on.
Here is the preliminary account of the celebutants, i will be adding to the list as information is confirmed and re-confirmed: Ibadette and Mickey One of the rock band Super 700, Cyril Duval, creative director of Item Idem and former editor of Tokyion Magazine who also designed the Bernard Wilhelm flagship store in Tokyo. Carl Hegemann of the Volksbühne, Barbara Weber, the artistic director of Theater am Nemarkt in Zurich, Troy Lopey, caterer to the stars, big diqued blue movie star Tim Kruger, Stefanie and Nanna of Kino Arsenal and the Berlinale's Forum Expanded who brought a virtual plethora of VIP guests with them including artists and filmmakers: Ulrike Ottinger, Louis Schneider & Arne Hochne of Piff Media, the Double Visions crew of Pablo de Ocampo(Images Festivial Toronto) Doina Popesco of the Goethe Institute Toronto who is the main organizer of the famous Experimental Film Congress whose new edition will be in the year 2009. Ms. Popesco was very lovely and charming, and would like to see Cheap Blacky come to Toronto, which would be great, but i don't think Cheap Blacky will be seen any time soon in the Americas.
Lauren Howes director of CFMDC, Christina Battle, Phil Huffman, Steven Andrews, Natascha Sadr Haghigian, Isabell Spengler, Rainer Bellenbaum, Erica Claus, the minister of culture with the Canadian Embassy, cute and delightful Arsenal interns Weibke and Julius. Cheap pals Annette Fricke, Wilhelm Hein, Evie of the b books kollective, Travis Jeppeson from Zoo Magazine and his lover Mario, Yusuf of Basso,
and well stay tuned to this blog because i will get all the gossip and scandals of that night in the next few days.

ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS
Press rehearsal went well, and we got to work on ironing out some nagging problems with Cheap Blacky. Love the set that Christophe Chemin designed. Its very ill. No one makes this woman laugh more then my little french kitty Christophe, who is quite the Paris "It" boy, and is very popular with the mensis, who all kill themselves to chug on his huge gallic peterkus. After rehearsal and din din Bruce, Anna, our amazing production coordinator and all around keep-it-2gether girl, and Christophe went to see Jörg Buttgereit´s piece Captain Berlin versus Hitler at the HAU Eins. It was delightfully trashy, and since i am such Hitlerphile i could understand most of it, though it was all spoken in German. It was an obvious homage to the shlock movie classic, "They saved Hitler´s Brain". I thought that they could have gone a little further and made it more raunchy, with some fleshyness, and the piece is ripe for the musical treatment, which seems like the natural way to go, and i am surprised they didnt do that. But when most German theatre is sooooo sombre and dry, this was a nice wacky and refreshing treat. At the after party Judy, Anna and I hung out with the director and his wife talking about mutual comrades in arms Abel Ferrera, Asia Argenta and Joe Coleman.

DICTATION? NO REFLECTION
Cheap Blacky rehearsals are taking shape on the big HAU 2 stage. Our "little Kenneth Anger musical" as the press is calling it, is turning into something special. I love working with our cute dorky lighting tech Hans and his lanky blondine assistant Max. Remind me to perform fellatio on them, after the premiera.
***
You never know who you´ll run into in Berlin! Pleasant surprise bumping into Lawrence Elbert, who was my editor and DP on my 90s era experimental short subjects "Designy Living", "VooDoo Williamson" and "The White To Be Angry" He´s aged well--they make em big and brawny in his native state of Texas. In his youth Lawrence had one stunning body, and a bubble butt you could build a dream on. Not many white boys can boast of a high top round asstrovar of corrogated steel.
Lawrence and I had a falling out years ago, I´m sure it was all my fault, being that i am one self-absorbed bitchina, who gets easily offended, and if you look at me the wrong way i will send you into permanent exile. Many have been banished from the orbit of la diva, for the most minor crimes.
Actually Lawrence and I had a few great years collaborating on projects. I never thought we´d get along, as we are from such different worlds. I am not a middle class lady, so i don´t tend to gell with people from that kind of a background, especially gay men who are very ambitious and careerist.
Lawrence and I worked together on an awful Rosa Von Praunheim short for German television called "May I Be Your Bratwurst" Ms. Von Praunheim was quite handsome when she was young, and even up into becoming middle aged. She´s 65 now and Berlin is honoring her with a restrospektacle. It must be hard for a great male gay beauty to age. Male egos are fragile and gay male egos are even more brittle.
I am so glad i was never coveted for my looks or sexual prowess. I am a fascinating monster because of my intellect, or lack of it. I´m glad that cute young people are still drawn to me, and my work.

MEINE LIEBEN
Met those frisky teen lovers Travis and Mario at the Nobel Elf with Simon and Derek of the Bromley contingent. Siouxie Sioux sends her love to la diva Davis. I hated that i had to miss her new solo show here in Berlin at Columbia Hall. I had rehearsals with Cheap Blacky and then i was taken to a big dinner by Mattias, the head honcho of the Hebbel Theatre. The boys told me that a crazy woman stabbed three people at the performance with a pair of scissors. The divine Siouxie is a single woman, she and her husband Budgie are now divorced. I´d love to see Siouxie with a hot young stud paramour. I need that for myself, now that my Aryan ginger Viking trick has fled the premises. His last utterance being, "the woman in you is driving me to madness!" Oh welpsis, story of my life. Whenever i DJ i always play Siouxie and the Banchees "Hong Kong Garden" which never fails to rouse the kiddies.
The Cheap production of Max und Moritz resumed this week, so between rehearsals with Cheap Blacky, directed by Judy LaBruce, and the M&M´s i am tired and worn. The Cheap Blacky premiera is Monday November 12th with an afterparty at the WAU cafe, where Peaches will DJ. The Berlin run is from Nov 15-17 only, then we travel next year to Hamburg, Zurich, Vienna, Saltzburg, Graz and the whole of France. Perhaps even a city near you if you´re lucky.
***
Lawrence Roberts of Holy Tit Clamps fame sent me a copy of his latest CD, Meet the Griffles with his enchanting band The Winsome Griffles, who were favorites at Bricktops in Los Angeles, and have just returned from a tour of the east. Their record is charming and my favorite songs on the album are the Roberts penned ditties "Atheist Gospel Song" and "Crush Me". Do yourself a favour and go to www.myspace.com/winsomegriffles and order your copy today.
O and one more shameless plug. Mark in your calenderia Sunday, November 22nd for the Rising, Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal at the Sony Center at Potsdamer Platz where i will host a screening of the experimental silents Fievre 1921 by Louis Dellucs and Emak Bakia 1927 by Man Ray along with a conversation with the luminous Eunice Martins who will accompany both films on piano. After the screenings stay for a wine reception that features music,a film star photo collage and an erotic installation in the red foyer. Dress 1920s style, and be creative, its not that hard.

TANTALISE-WO WO EE YEH YEH
Went bar hopping the other evening with teen lovers Travis Jeppeson and Mario who were giving the royal treatment to visiting dignitaries Simon "Six" Barker and Derek Dunbar, formerly of the UK 80s band Jimmy The Hoover. My cousin Karla Maddog Duplantier was the bands drummer, and she is still the wife of Derek, who use to be a top male model besides being a rock star. Malcolm McClaren use to be the manager of Jimmy the Hoover, whose hit record was produced by Steve Levine of Culture Club fame. Jimmy the Hoover scored one mega UK hit, their way ahead of its time sound was ripped off by Tears for Fears. My creole cousin Karla was also a LA punk pioneer in the band The Controllers, and even did a stint in my group Cholita, the female Menudo. Karla is one of the most underrated talents of the punk era.
Simon and Derek have been lovers for 32 years, and now live in Prague where Simon works as a top fashion photog. It was great hanging with them and visiting the Berlin hustler bars Tobascos and Blue Boy, where we saw the same Romanian concubine who latched himself to Judy LaBruce a few days earlier.
Last night the director of the HAU theatre, Mattius Lienthal, generously took all of the Cheapies to a wonderful expensive Austrian dinner and drinks in Kreuzberg. A delightful time was had by one and all.

TIEFSEEABENTEUER
Had a nice little meeting with cute Balkan arts programmer/curator Zvonomir and his producing partner. We settled everything for my coming to Zagreb soon to present one of my infamous living installation closing night parties for their latest arts festival. Also got to meet Zvonimir´s incredibly beautiful Brazilian beau.
***
Check out the latest issue of Butt Magazine from Holland. The lady Ms. Davis is interviewed and photographed by Judy Labruce and its a riot. Went to Gayhane, the salon oriental with Travis Jeppeson and Mario. I´ve never seen so many ill queens or bad fashion outfits. Very entertaining evening. Had a flirtation with a muscular big dicked Columbian and he sniffed at my hole----yummy.

GIVE PIECE OF ASS A CHANCE
Went back to see more screenings of the 2nd Annual Porn Film Festival at the appropriately named Kant Kino. Watched a classic blue movie from the 70s starring Harry Reemes as Dr. Snake. Hysterical! Like an avant garde film, and so playful in tone. Harry has a magnificent body, all hairy and cocksure, though he is a complete dorkus of the first magnitude.
Saw the Judy LaBruce lesbian short, that is also riotous! It was quite the crowd pleaser. The other films in the program were a bit spotty. I did like this Italian kids collagey erotic short subject, and a French dykes female ejaculation porn had some good ideas, but the flow was just too stark and cybortic to really win me over. Some New York pornographer who works for such mainstream porn outfits as Hustler and Penthouse presented a film with this Cambodian woman shooting milk enemas that while at times very funny, missed the mark with its attempt at bringing in a political commentary on the media and gentrification. If anything the film worked the opposite affect making you long for gentrification, anything to stop the flick from continuing.
Afterwards Judy, Anna from the HAU, teen stars Travis & Mario, and I went to drink at the Blue Boy Hustler Bar. One of the few rent boy bars i´ve never been to. Loved it! The hot concubines were in full force, and some of them were beyond amazing.
***
Received a wonderful surprise care package from Jean Spinosa and all the Bricktop kids. It warmed my black lady heart, making me feel trully missed and cared for.

MIT BESTEN EMPFEHLUNGEN
DJ/VJane for the opening party of the porno film festival. Had a riotious good time spinning my crazy brand of music. Lots of sexy boys and girls abounding. I don´t think that people realize that i play music from bands and individuals that is given especially to me, and that no other dj owns or has a copy of. I´ve been around long enough to know all the greats, from Dolly Parton to LeTigre, and i have special re-mixes that you´ll only hear from lady me!!!! The only odd thing about the porn party was they had some funky dude in a pony tail doing bad spoken word early in the evening. The special abstract porn that Tim Blue of Cheap made for me, was also a big hit at the Porn Party and at the Queer FM soiree in Vienna. Wish i could have stayed longer DJing, but i had Cheap Blacky rehearsal bright and early. Thank you to all who came out to hear me spin behind the wheels of steel.
Had a fabulous dinner at the Austrian restaurant in Fredrichshein Park with Marcu, Suzi and Marcu´s mother and cousin from the states. I love Austrian food. When i was in Vienna, Ali and Papi took me to this cute place for luncheon right next door to my hotel Fürstenhof, which is the Vienna version of the Chelsea where all the rock gods stay when in town.
Went to see a screening of the Israeli erotic film Too Hot in Tel Aviv, with DJ Snax, Travis Jeppeson and his smoking hot Slovakian lover Mario. The Israeli film is genius, with some of the most incredible hunks i have ever witnessed on the silver screen. Even the tiny Israeli director was too hot for words. I told him i will buy his next blue movie if he appears in it. Even Jurgen Bruning who facilitated the Q&A was noticeably vaklempt by this young strkingly beautiful jewish child. After the flicker we walked down to Francisco, the wrinkle bar for some drinks. All the elderly faggots were in a tizzy over the youthful Travis and Mario. They don´t get a chance to see such fresh faced and well scrubbed teenage boys, who still have their bloom on. A lot of the Germany teens can look a little worn for the wear, if you know what i mean. I´ve been getting lots of emails from the states by mydirty old men blog subscribers who want to know more about Travis and Mario. Someone even asked me what do they smell like?

ADDENDUM KALEDUM
I didnt get any sleep before my Arsenal program, so i performed like a zombie. Thanks to eveyone who showed up. Just got word on some more dignitaries that attended Rising Stars Falling Stars: cultural critic Diedrich Diedrichsen, art historian Juliane Rebentisch, Anna from the Mountain installation dressed in prestine 20s garb, actor and musician Stefan Faupel(Stoffel Fliegt Ubers Meer) and director Todd Verow.

FLESH FOR LULU
Last night at Kino Arsenal was the premiere of the new film series Rising Stars, Falling Stars, that i am hosting, and it was a major success. I performed along with Lars Von Trier darling Daniel Hendrickson on piano. The print of Pandoras Box was strikingly restored, and Eunice Martin who accompanied the film, made me feel like i was seeing the movie for the first time, and indeed in many ways its like i was reborn anew.
Empress Stefanie, my new name for the director of the Arsenal, is such a joy to work with, and she loaned me some of her personal jewelry collection when i forgot a special necklace that went with my haute coutour(i am an awful speller) outfit. Of course Nanna Heidenreich, Empress Stefanie´s right hand girl was there helping me as well, and young jewel Julius Bauer, the Arsenal intern who translated the Italian title cards. Julius also worked very hard on making the event shine. Also many thankx and kisses to the Kassa girls, Arsenal Staff and Ooshee, the top rate projectionist-she´s no nonsense with a heart of gold. Great seeing Peter of the Parkaur Theatre, Troy Lopez, the handsome Blue Bros. KJohn and tim,fearless leader Suzi Sue, Marc Siegel, his mother and cousin, composer David Woodward, Assof Hochman, Parisian "It" boy Christophe Chemin, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras with his Canadian posse, German underground legend Zazie De Paris, Marcian, Michele Baglerue, beautiful Uli, who just returned from Japan and brought la diva some gorgeous, spiritual, sumu wresting cards. Anna of the Hebbel Theatre, Zoo Magazine writer Travis Jeppeson with his lover Mario and many more celebutants. i will get the full list of who´s who later and report back to you. I am exhausted from not having had much sleep with all my traveling, so i will now retire to coma land.

ANDREA DWORKIN LIVES
Whirlwind couple of days for the old lady Ms. Davis. Invited to old Vienna, Austria where i did my performative DJane/VJane set for FM Queer which is part of the Austrian Broadcast Corp, a national public radio station. Claudia and Martin from the station put on this big party several times during the year and its always a sensation. Last year JD of LeTigre and Joel Gibb of Hidden Cameras DJ´d. For this year bands like Lesbians on Ecstasy from Toronto performed along with TNT Jackson, Jean Genet from the UK and DJs Czesch Pieper and Hölzl Dasem. Cute Martin and pretty Uta picked me up from the aeroport and took me to a wonderful Austrian style dinner. Austrian food is much better then German food, and i pigged out on a feast set before my large gullet. The next day Ali Janka of Geliten fame and his lover, Papi Choulo Baby took me to a sumpteous lunch, and a little sight seeing including a stop at the piss eleganza Savoy, which is filled with rough around the edges Balkan hustlers. The evening of the party Wolfgang, a high fashion makeup artist who does the Paris runway beat me a fine glamour face, and my escort to the party was sexy middle eastern radio diva Riem. We bonded immediately and became best girlfriends.
Everything went well, but being the kind of woman i am, of course there was a bit of controversy. A group of anti porn lesbian feminists objected to my gonzo black straight porn images that i was showing. I was surprised that in Europe that kind of polemic would arise. Thats something i would expect in puritanical and brittle Amerikkka, but not in Austria, though they do have a right wing government in power, but the dated PCness was unexpected and caught me by surprise. I guess black sexuality is still super frightening to the white bourgeois and middleclass who think of themselves as progressives, but in actuality aren´t. At the party there was a group of pro porn feminist who got angry that i stopped showing the images. I also brought gonzo gay porn, but the DVD player wouldn´t read it. Thankfully Tim Blue of kollective Cheap made me a DVD of his excellent abstract porn which looked lovely on the giant screen and his politically charged images memsmerized the crowd.
And people loved the music i played, plus i got to tag team with one of the cultural bureau house DJ´s whose name is Marty, and we had a fun time trying to keep up with each other. I adore Vienna, and would love to come back in the spring for a getaway.
All the Geliten crew stopped by to see me spin, and even easy target Heiko, my nemesis curator from Steirersher Herbst Festival came up to the booth to warmly greet me.

CONJUNCTION JUNCTION
Invited to Travis and Mario`s for din din where sweet 14 year old Mario cooked a delicious feast of the ages. The boy is beautiful and is a gourmand. Wowza!!!!
I showed them some footage of Cheap projects and other Vaginalic ephemera.
Went on a super promotional day all over Berlina leaving fliers for my big program at the Arsenal. Met two very sweet ladies who own gorgeous vintage clothing stores. One around the corner from me and the other in Prenzlauber, and the lovely lady proprietess of that boutique is a 1920s fanatic, and is good friends with Ibadette and Mickey One of the Super 700. How`s that for surendipity? Her Shoanhauser Allee boutique is bright, airy and downright beautiful, this is a woman with great taste, and i had a delightful time hanging with her and plan on coming back soon. Also spent some time with Baby Diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and his cute lesbianic friend from Canuck.
Spent what seemed like a million hours promoting on the Art School and Technical University campus. So many hot young boys, made my tongue wag to the ground. I think i discovered a new hangout. Yummy.
Met Koen Claerhoot at Rosa`s for drinks. Koen was the production assistant for Cheap`s It Happened To Me, in 2005, and is now working back in his native Brussels putting together their first art Biennale. Koen is a talented lad, and is going to go places. Far pavillion places, if you know what i mean.

MEISTER PROPER
Went to see beautiful fearless leader Suzi Su of Cheap in a play called Abtrünnig at HAU 3 by a GDR writer and director named Janek Müller. I don´t understand German, but the native speakers in the audience also seemed a bit lost from what i could tell. 2 hours straight of text with no intermission is never a good idea in any language.

Suzi was marvelous, her command of the stage, with that enigmatic presense, and strong vocal command delivered, but everything else in the piece seemed a bit convoluted. The best moments were with Suzi and the younger bald headed man with the demonic dark eyes. The older, bald headed lead, was a bit of a queeny showboater, way too ham bone for my tastes. i would have made a switch, and had the younger man play the lead part, as he was more convincing and forceful. And can we talk about entrances and exits, maybe the awkward stilted staging was on purpose, i hope so.

HOW WILL THE WOLF SURVIVE?
Judy LaBruce was my spirited and gracious companion to a literary event at the underground disco Kinzo off the Alexanderplotz. Anxious to see wunderkind enfant terrible, Travis Jeppeson read from his latest novel. Travis was a delight! He was forceful, commanding, sexually robust and masculine in his reading approach. It was like i was seeing a different person from his tender 16 year old self. He held the "und ja" crowd riveted to his every word, something the four other German readers weren´t capable of. A good reader with a superior stage presence can hold an audiences attention no matter what the language. Thank you Travis for showing them how it is properly done.

DINAH WAS
This just in from Tiffany of Peres Projects Gallery. The star shoe designer Christian Loubotin was also at the opening last Saturday. Hope he didnt get any semen on his expensive footwear.
Tricked with a cuddly Turkish boy and a sleek hard bodied german youth, who reminded me of a doberman pincher.
Hung with baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. We went to see the Broken Social Scene presents Kevin Drew. They may be a popular band, but i found them dull. Joel said that Kevin Drew goes out with the girl singer known as Feist who has a big hit record in the states. The opening act at the Lido Club in Kreuzberg was Gentleman Reg a sweet Albino boy also from Toronto who use to be in the Hidden Cameras. When Joel was back in Toronto he hooked up with Weiland Speck who runs the Panarama Section of the Berlinale. That Joel gets around.

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY A LOVER?
Invited to a fab feasty by Jamaican caterer to the Berlin shtars Troy Perez. Accompanied by the Blue Bros, Tim & Kjohnny and Tim´s new guypal David, who is also from Jamaica and is a concert pianist.
***
Costume fitting with young, pretty French designer Aude, who is making my gown for the Judy LaBruce/Terence Koh installation at Peres Projects called Blame Canada. Love sweet Aude´s cute young talented friends. Yes Immelda there are still some interesting youngsters out there. Gotta meet my luncheon date so i must end abruptly.

BREAKFAST IN BED
Finally got to see Super 700 perform. Ibadette and Mickey One are also in my Berlin based band Ruth Fisher. Super 700 is their indie rock day job, and they were the headliners at the FrannzClub as part of Pop Komm, a music festival like South By Southwest, and just as dull. The group that went on right before Super 700 was like a bad version of Jonathan FireEater, the best thing about them was that they were young, cute and wore matching white shirts and dark slacks.
Getting back to Super 700. Ibadette and her twin sisters looked ravishing on stage, and utilized some subtle theatrics that worked quite nicely. I love that Mickey sports a WC Fields/Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer look, and Iba with a guitar strapped to her on their big pulsating rock number reminded me of Chrissy Hyndes of The Pretenders.
Travis Jeppeson took me to a Brit Pop queer club later in the week. A group from Iceland with a humpy buger boy performed some weak rave damaged dance music. Ran into sweet Felix Grimm of Cheap Club at the Podeville.
Had costume fitting with pretty Aude, the French designer who will create a gorgeous Julee Cruise style dress for the big Judy LaBruce/Terence Koh performative installation that i will take part of on Saturday Sept 29th 7pm at Peres Projects Kreutzberg gallery. Should be a royal hoot.
Saw pics of Terence´s live sex show in Zurich where he fornicates with a beautiful blondine concubine. I´m only going by the pictures i saw of the event, but you´d think they could have hired a prostitute with a little more enthusiasm.
Went to the Berlin Zoo biergarten with the Blue Bros---Tim and kJohnny. Lovely to dwink and hang out. Perfect way to spend the equinox. Later i stopped at Sheune Bar in Nollendorkyplotz and who should i run into but that queens queen of a film actor Rupert Everett in leather regalia looking quite masculine in the low rent fetish pub. He was with an older gentlemen, ordered and paid for two Becks then promptly made haste for greener Dolphin Street pastures.
Berlin observation #54,321. Why are there so many people on crutches, leg braces and other gimpy support mechanisms in this town? Berlina is not the best place to be a cripple, with few escalators, elevators or handicap access ramps.

KARRIERREGEILER BÜROHENGST
After an exhausting morning, afternoon and early evening spent writing to meet a deadline, i let my teen pals Travis Jeppeson, Mario and their concubine buddy Baby Brian of Portland whisk me away to go see DJ Snax spin at the 80s style dinosaur junior Club Connections in Nollendorkyplotz. It was wise of this disco to hire Snax to spin, he attracts a much younger clientle, then the places usual tourists and troll dolls. MC Snax was in fine form having just returned from a drug cartel gig in Columbia, and his visuals for the evening included a projection of Loretta Lynn brandishing a giant can of Crisco. How appropriate. Had a fun time with the kiddies, and also seeing a Nordic studhoven of super duper sexual proportions. I could have done without the trendy long-on-the-tooth men, and their Carol Burnette hair.
***
Listened to Davey Rothbart of Found Magazine, being interviewed on NPR-Berlin Davey is a friend of Cyril Kuhn and his ex wife Kara Hunger. I met the cute humpy dufus back in LA ages ago at a dinner party, and of course i wanted to get inside his pants.
Was thinking about what ever happened to sexy Kelli Lovelace. Kelli was a black lipstick lesbiana with a fantastic sense of style, who i use to hang with in the early to mid 80s. She and another wilde and fashionplaty gal pal Patty, use to be regulars at the old Nairobi Room where Matt Dyke DJ´d prior to his fame with Delicious Vinyl, and the hit Ton Loc single "Funky Cold Medina". They actually wanted me as Medina in the video, but i hate being in videos so the part went to Sean DeLear. The last time i saw Ms. Kelli was in the early 90s at a party thrown by Cliff Diller of Club Fuck fame, just before he passed away of complications due to his Mrs. AIDS diagnosis. Ah Cliff was one of those goodtime Sally´s who could beat a face to death, and was soooo much fun to be around. If anyone out in cyberland can give me an update on Kelli, í would appreciate that.
O and also Maria Dum Dum. She was another lesbian from the 80s who was a bulldyke hustler. Yes a saaphic hustler, who would work men, women, anyone who would pay her way in life. She was very sexy, boyish and aggressive. She had sex with many gay men, and ploughed them better then a man, from what I´ve heard. Someone should make a movie of her life. Perhaps that someone is me.

IM EDELZWIRN ZUM HOHEPUNKT
The return to Max und Moritz after a long hiatus was difficult. Fearless Leader Suzi Su changed the ending which was a good thing, but it meant more work for me. Relearning the role of Witwe Bolte, and the arduous Cheap Blacky rehearsal schedule has put me in a lady tizzy. I am a very delicate creature.
Had a sweet meeting with Zvonimir Dobrovic, an arts curator from Zagreb. What a lively, personable chap. He came to see me perform in Max und Moritz on thursday, and loved the piece. He wants me to create something cute for the closing of one of his art festival programs in December before Christmas. I would love a Balkan merry christmas, though with my luck, a war would emerge, and i would be the first person they decide to ethnically cleanse. o welp, i will just have to bring a blondine wig, and try my feral best to pass for white.
In the Parkauer Theatre cantina i also ran into a vivacious young journalista from Slovenia who interviewed me back in 2004 for Visions of Excess in Ljubjana, my endurance art spectacle, that was such a huge success. The Slovenia journalist was with a Japanese reporter and one of the Blue Men Group, who is friends with my Max und Moritz colleguen Denis Popping, and his American husband.
Spent a comedic, slapstick afternoon with Christophe Chemin filming sequences for Cheap Blacky in the Tiergartens childrens park on a tiny trampoline. I adore Christophe. He is a true freak, and looks like a man from the distant past. He began his career as a writing prodigy with three scandalous novels in France. His own parents even sued him because the autobiographical elements in one of his books hit too close to home. His last tome was about to be translated into English by an American publisher, but they got cold feet. The book starts off talking about Madonna licking his feet, that being the only thing she is capable of doing well, and goes on to describe a hollywood orgy Christophe art directed that features many downlow luminaries.
***
I will not tell the baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras that his exfootballer lover Mehmet Scholl is now involved with blonde beauty boy Florian Weber. Mehmets girlfriend approved of him being with Joel, but isnt featuring the Weber kid. Ah the wacky world of sport sex.

CAMERA LUCIDA
Christophe Chemin is hilarious! He showed us his lovely first motion picture, made when he was a 3 year old platinum vixen in Bordeaux. He stars as a luscious provincial bride, betrothed to a sturdy butch of 4 1/2 years. Problems ensue when one of the maids of honor gets into a viscious row with the hunky groom, who decides to settle things by taking a carnivorous chunk out of her arm. After lots of blood and bedlam, the bride remains unfazed, serene in her devotion the the nuptial rite. After some spiritual soothing from Christophe´s grand mama, the wedding procession resumes. Years later Christophe took this footage and combined it with his retelling of the death of the Swiss poet Robert Walser. If you think that Darren Stein in Put the Camera on Me is precocious, you haven´t seen nuthin´ till you behold Mdm Chemin´s royal FIT. Major Ms. Gorgeous!!!!!
***
Ah Turkish men. Sometimes they remind me of New York Guidos with their love of white slip on shoes and skin tight trousers, and other times its Mexicans Cholos with their tricked out cars blaring middle eastern pop,German and American rap. I can´t resist shiny black hair and a mono brow.
***
Speaking of the mensis. Some days i am invisible to them, and then other days, i can´t get rid of em. Two who are sniffing around my puddy are Pierre Sarkozy, the spoiled blondine son of the new Gallic leader, and the American actor Edgar Ramirez who is in the new Matt Damon´, Bourne White Surpremacy film. I guess i should be glad somebody wants the troll that i´ve become in my old adage.

KRIEGSNUMMERN DES SIMPLICISSIMUS
Early morning meeting with the beautiful and sensitive Cheap Gossip/Arsenal intern Julius at my studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Julius will design a flier for my October 21st event Falling Stars, Rising Stars at The Arsenal. Its so refreshing being around a young man like Julius. So much of the world today is fueled on this corporate mentality, which i find is a new more lethal, and insideous form of fascism, that makes people empty, arrogant and dull. Thats why its such a pleasure to be in the company of a young boy who thinks outside of the tired gay ghetto box, and who wants more from life then a petty bourgeois lifestyle.
Work on Cheap Blacky is coming together nicely. I've been collaborating on the music with The Cookies of Allah, which features hot siblings Tim and Kjohnny Blue and Daniel Hendrickson of kollective Cheap. So far we've all been getting along, which is a miracle because Vaginal Davis is one retarded whore of a bitch, arbitrary and argumentative, and just plain evil incarnate. I hate Vaginal Davis, and you should too. So far The Cookies of Allah have conjured up some extroidinary compositions with varied instrumentation like cello, violin, accordian, piano, oud and banjo.
Ran into one of my patrician German relations after rehearsal near Mehringdamn. He was with Frank Briegmann of Universal Music in Germany. What were they doing together? Odd. Both of them mentioned reading about my new piece at the HAU in a magazine, and hinted at being invited to the premiera. We'll see about that. Its strange having white cousins from my fathers side of the family who resemble me, only a few shades paler. On my mothers side of the family i am related to Connie Rice and the Secretary of State of the icky USofA Condoleeza Rice.
Will close with a quote from one of my fav actresses Ingrid Bergman:

Ein Kuss ist ein liebenswerter Trick der Natur, ein Gespräch zu unterbrechen, wenn Worte überflüssig werden

O YOU´RE SO JAMES JOYCE
We traveled to the little known area of Tiergarten, just above the famed cruise park to attend the 16th birthday party for the enfant terrible writer, Travis Jeppesen whose latest tome is called Wolf at the Door. Travis just returned to Berlin from a triumphant European book tour. A mini feast was created by the scribes beautiful 14 year old Slovakian beau Mario. The couple have a large, spacious flat and the small, intimate soiree featured Downtown DJ Snax of the perfect Jew Fro, artiste Christophe Chermin, who is the production designer for, Cheap Blacky, accompanied by his director Judy LaBruce who brought along for his amusement, Little Baby Brian, the sometime consort of both Gary Goddard(Masters of the Universe)and Bryan "The Bitch of 20th Century Fox" Singer.
CuncuBrian is now 25, but can pass for 17. He was once the plaything of Gus Van Sant, and numerous other Hollywood power players, who prefer young men who still have their mothers breast milk on their breath. This Brian kid is a bit much with his riotous flights of Finnegan´s Wake fancy. A rare lucid moment produces some interesting tales, like when he lived in Istanbul with a Turkish lover who almost slit his throat. We had to take leave of the gathering before we wound up attempting a similiar event horizen.

SHIITE AND YOUR MOTHER
One thing I´ve noticed here in Germany is that the hetero men are really whupped by the women. How do these ladies keep such a hold on the men? Does their puddy spin, like the rinse cycle of a washing machine? Also you see so many good looking young Teutonic men married with brats aplenty, to some sputter faced Brunhilde. What gives here, will someone please explain the concept.
***
Got a disturbing emug from the states in answer to my writing out loud about what became of certain people from my past. Well i got a cheery quick answer about Zachary, the famed tux wearing MC from the 80s. Mr. Zachary is now teaching music at Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Pepper´s Conservatory of Music in Silverlake.
On the sad note, Myrakel, an old trick of mine, i was told is now dead as a doornail. It seems that he was killed in prison. They don´t take too kindly in the big house to new agey pedophiles. I always new Myrakel liked boys younger then he was. When i tricked with him, i lied and told him that i was 19. I was actually 24. At that time he was around 31 or 32, a bit on the hippy dippy side, but he was a ginger, with a thick penis, and you all know how i can´t resist the redheads. I have a built in radar against men who want to use me as a pass-around-Patty, so it never worked out sexually between me and Myrakel, but we stayed friendly with each other. I even invited him to one of my openings at the Hag Gallery, and he wound up picking up this juicy 16 year old South Bay surfer kid, who i ran into later who told me that Myrakel dropped him flat after a few weeks for one of his even hotter surfer pals. Over the years i would run into Myrakel at the Sunset Junction, and he seemed the same free spirit, though his new ageyness was now combined with a radical fairee look that made me want to roll my eyes. Still i didnt know he was a card carrying member of NAMBLA. Just shows to go ya, that I am still a naive lady, at my advanced age.
***
The rehearsals for Cheap Blacky are moving along at a brisk pace. Thank you once again for all the zillions of emugs from around the world. This project seems to really resonate. Received a sweet note from one of my all time performance art idols, the legendary Johanna Went who stated that Boom and Reflections of a Golden Eye are her favs.
After a long day of rehearsals i had a meeting at Kino Arsenal at Potsdamer Plotz with Ms. Stefanie, Nanna and beautiful young intern Julius about my new program "Falling Stars, Rising Stars" which will debut Oct 19th. Stefanie and her expert crew know how to turn planning meetings into a lot of fun and positive idea sharing. I´m sure this new venture is going to create quite a buzz in Berlina. I also talked with Volker Spengler, the great German film and stage star, who was such a delight to chat with taking time from his busy schedule to chittle with "The Doll"
Fearless Leader Suzi Su of kollective Cheap turns 22 on Monday Sept 3rd, so everyone better shower her with lots of presents.
I´ve been having a bout of knee problems due to my new sportif bike, and also i´ve been fretting about finishing my essay thats due for the new art book about Judy LaBruce called Bruceploitation. Woman´s work, woman´s work . . .

CORNFED
So busy with my latest project, Cheap Blacky that i missed Julie Tolentino´s big performances in Berlin. I am so sad that i didnt get a chance to hang with her and Killer. I did tell a lot of important people to go and see her though.
Cheap Blacky is in the grueling process of workshopping the piece, and slicing all the elementals together. We even filmed some violent tableaux´s that will act as projections during the main action. In answer to all the emails sent to me wanting to know more info i will just give you this little tease:

Cheap Blacky, with Vaginal Davis
music the cookies of allah
costumes Rick Owens
directed by Judy LaBruce

a mysterious big fat tittied, well endowed hustler arrives on the scene, and fudgepacks a neurotic bourgeois family including their servants. Everyones true nature is revealed through hilarious hijinks, exorcism, heightened consciousness and saucy Ann Miller style production numbers. After dancing themselves to death, those who survive celebrate, and try to restore some sense of normalcy to shattered lives.

DIE RITTER DER TAFEL RUNDE
Met with lady Stefanie of the Arsenal at my studio, Cheese Endique Trifecta. She bought me a lovely lady flower, and a still from the experimental film Aus Der Ferne by Matthias Müller which appropriates the image of Kathyrn Grayson singing "There´s Beauty Everywhere" from MGM´s Ziegfeld Follies.
So nice having private time with Ms. Stefanie. We retired to the nearbye Tuff cafe where she took me to a scrumdilish luncheon, and decided on the final details for the new program I´ll be hosting at the Arsenal on Sunday October 21st called Falling Stars, Rising Stars which will feature a screening of the GW Pabst film Pandora´s Box starring Louise Brooks. So mark that day on your calendaria and come dressed in appropriate period garb.
***
Bruncheon with Joel Gibb who i erroneouly reported as being back in Canada. He did go to Stockholm for a performance, but won´t return to Canuckland till Sept 4th. Yes Agnetha, Ms. Davis sometimes makes mistakes on this here blog, but not often. Joining our artist table at Frida Kahlo Brasserie: The amazing Peaches, and her hunky beau of 5 years, Will Munro of Vaseline and Toronto´s The Beaver, his gal pal Alex with his nice architect gay dad. Peaches and homosexual fathers all on one sunday afternoon. Who could ask for anything more?

SCHON KLAR UND WELCHE WURTER SIND DAS
Invited to a scrumpteous feast of many divine courses by Annette Frick and Wilhelm Hein, Germanys first couple of experimental film and photography. Joining the lady Ms. Davis, her ninja mutant body guards the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny. The dinner score provided by Thelonius Monk with assist by the recently departed great jazz drummer Max Roach and an exciting mix of guests including the haute art couple Klaus Loeser and Jacobina, and other young film stars that circle the Hein/Frick orbit.
***
Feeling nostalgic i started to think about whatever happened to Zachary, the famed tux wearing MC of the early 80s punk scene, also Tina Benet, the drag junior pop star from the same period. I even started wondering out loud about my old trick Myrakle, the big dicqued ginger hippy dippy horn pig, who loved cornholing, or at least trying to cornhole young boys. When i met the nut i was in my mid twenties but i lied and told him i was only 19, so of course he was all over me, but i wouldnt give him any puddy as i sensed he was a love em and leave em type.
***
Lady Stefanie of the Arsenal and her wonderful comrades in arms have been putting together some sublime katakas that are becoming the talk of all Berlin town. And with special guests like the legendary Yvonne Rainer, its no wonder that all eyes are focused on Freunde der Deutschen Kinemathek. We went cruising the Dam, as in Potsdamer to catch the Where Am I, Vom Verschwinden, Verstecken und Wiederfinden expertly paced programa which featured works by MM Sera, Klaus Telscher, Karo Gooldt, and Ayse Erkmen, with live appearances by Tim Blue of Cheap, humpy Rusky Steffen Ramlow, and vivacious Isabel Spengler, who also had an installation in the Red Foyer.
Daniel of Cheap even spent some time with the nutty Istanbul professor and coffee cup soothsayer, who is featured in Erkmens hilarious Coffee.
The celebutantes in attendance> Daniel Hendrickson, Annette Frick, Wilhelm Hein, Radcliffe Hallish diva Antonia Baehr, handsome and patrician Uli of the Berlinales Forum, who told me that he didnt care for working with the French TV company Arte awhile back. The manlische, lanky editor of Scrub Magazine Justine, pulling the popsicle chord next to baby faced Arsenal, Cheap Gossip intern Julius, KJohnny Blue, and the blackest white girl in Berlin Nanna Heidenreich who has one luscious onion ass, that is soooo good, it makes you cry.

MIR DEN KAMM ZUNICK
There is this nutty tradition in Germany where youngish men, and sometimes men a bit long on the tooth from the provinces dressed in chimney sweep garb go wandering throughout the big cities in a form of sanctioned begging. I´ve been noticing it more and more, and its really ill.
***
Sports coats and more sports coats. I see more men of varying ages wearing a sports coat over jeans or dress slacks. These sports coats are either of light material or heavy during the winter. I find sports coats a bit apalling. What do you think?
***
Now lets move on to hair. If i see one more boy wearing the faux hawk/mullet coiffure i will start screaming and never stop. Daniel of Cheap says that Berlin is the city where every youth culture fashion from the last 50 years languishes and refuses to die. I think he is right. And speaking of death, this is a perfect segue into death rock and goth-two subcultures that are appropriately mega in a city like Berlina where actual death, of time immemorial hovers throughout its basin. Goth here has somehow transmorgified and fused with the Matrix movie and Columbine. On hot, humid days you can see many an xurbian male roaming the u-bahn stations with long black coats, hair in a ponytail, shaved on the sides and died black. These men always are pasty skinned, lacking chins with bland features, and seem like they spend countless hours playing Dungeons and Dragons. Don´t get angry with me, Ricky Castro´s of the world, i´m just expressing an opinion. If you don´t care for my opinions,and or you find offense, calmly stop reading this blog.
***
One more observation. White people must stop wearing their hair in dreadlocks. It looks horrible on blacks, but on whites its even worse. That goes for the tendril dreads, and the shaved head with one dread fish tail. And please, please stop forming drum circles. If you can´t clap to the beat, how are you supposed to drum to it.

MIR DEN KAMM ZUNICK

UNSA FÜSIEGIEHRA
Wonderous brunchette with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, just back from a specialty engagement in Munich where he and his musical kollective were the special play things of a famous German/Turkish footballer named Mehmet who had them perform at a stadium during an exhibition game as part of the festivities of Manlische Mehmet´s 36th birthday and retirement from the pitch. Mr. Mehmet whose last name i don´t remember, but i am sure you football fans know him, because he is one of the biggest stars of the game in Teutonia, even bought all the band members, and choir full leather lederhosen.
Getting back to our private brunchina, it featured super tasty Israeli dancer Assaf Hochman of Catherine Sullivan´s troup, entrepreneur Marco Herbst, and a very understated Baroness Anna Von Hahn who is a big Vaginal Davis fan and has been since she was a teenager. That means i am super old folks.
Joel Gibb is off again, this time to Stockholm, and from their back to his Canadian homeland for a few months of recording. I will miss the baby diaper, which is his new nickname, that everyone now is calling him, thanks to yours truelly.
I don´t care for dogs and Berlin is a very dog oriented town. Even the drunken Kotbusser Tor crusties have rangy mutts, that look just like them. One positive thing i can say about dog owners in Berlina is that they train their pooches. LA dog owners could learn a lesson from their sister city counterparts.
If you are a hetero woman and want to get married and knock out babies. Berlin is the place to do that. The men here, are easily henpecked and love being stay-at-home dads, in fact they excel in it, and you see more cute young dads then in any western city, and i mean hands-on-dads, who at least don´t treat their children like fashion accesories the way the bougie do in the states.
Like in Amerikkka, the normals in Germany are uber normal. But when you find fun, frolicsome Germans with a great sense of humour, hold on to them for dear life, because they are few and far between. And don´t let me start about "the German gays". Thats another book in and of itself.

ICH IHN NICHT INS BETT
Once in a blue moon i look at other blogs to compare and contrast my blog and website with whats going on in the greater cyberische. My sweet little blog and webpage are relatively plain and simple, with no fancy graphics or clever razzle dazzle. I am not adroit in computer technology. Indeed, I am a technophobe. Luckily the wonderful Larry Bob who maintains and controls my web presense keeps everything smooth and simple.
Most blogs I have checked out are rather dull and mundane, just tagging their latest projects or reposting things that are already on You Tube or elsewhere. One exception is www.AliceBag.com by Alice Bag, the legendary LA punk singer and songwriter of the seminal band The Bags. Alice and I go way back before the flood. She was also a member of my groups The Afro Sisters and Cholita, the female Menudo. Alice's much younger big dicked husband, Jailbait Velasquez is the designer of her web page, and he has done a marvelous job with her extensive archive. The writing in her blog is crisp and insightful, and no one conducts an interview like Ms. Alicia, who manages to put the academics to shame with her unique scholarship.

***

Saw for the second time in three weeks the handsome freckle faced Turkish pop star Mohabet, walking casually and alone on the mean streets of Neu Kolln. I would certainly love to suck on his penis for a week straight without coming up for air.

***

Berlin has its own Dennis Woodruff, who drives around Neu Kolln and Kreutzberg. Well the Berlin version is better, in that he isnt trying to work a pathetic acting career, but his automobile is all tricked out like a giant Sigmund and the Seamonster aqua marine adventure vehicle. Love it.

***

Great Cheap Blacky rehearsal followed by drinks with Kjohnny, Assoff Blood of Abraham and Judy LaBruce as the sweet and sexy Wolfgang Tillmans DJed at the Nobel Elf. Lots of hunky men gathered about, and mucho mucho touristas. Great seeing Wolfgang and his beau Anders, as well as Damon Matt the Young Elder and his friends. Also bumped in to tall, handsome Justin of Scrub Magazine, looking a bit awkward and uncomfortable, and i flirted with a hot New York dark haired boy concubine with a bodacious rack.

FALSCHSPIEL UM HÖHERES
A pal of mine in merry ole England has invited little me to stay with him at the newly restored Apethorpe Hall in Northhamptonshire. The 15th Century former borstal has a scandalous past. King James 1 used the house as a bordello for him and his hungthrob young lover George Villiers, Duke of Buckingham to entertain their numerous concubines and rough trade tricks. During the restoration effort they discovered lots of secret passages linking the bedrooms of James & George with a myriad of other men they fancied. Queenly kings---they never seem to change. Since this friend of mine who works for English Heritage is quite cute, and humpdilly, i hope to bring some sex majick back to the old homestedt heath once again.
***
One of my favorites passed away recently. Lee Hazelwood, who wrote the Nancy Sinatra hit "Boots", and collaborated with her on many projects. His solo releases have become cult favs.
***
Accompanied director Judy LaBruce to the Lido in Kreutzberg to see CocoRosie, an enigmatic new musical group of singing sisters who are pals with Antony of Antony and the Johnsons, and Kembra Pfahler of The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black. The venue was packed with indie rock children, who came to experience the operetta cum hoppity sounds by the gorgeous, well racked Casady Sisters, Bianca and Sierra(in a Nike Sportsbra), who divide their time between New York and Paris. Its been a long time since i went to a concert, and was thrilled when Ms. Bianca pulled out her harp and began to play the delicious notes. These young ladies were very sweet, well mannered and personable. See them now before they become huge international sensations. When Judy and i hung out with them backstage between their first performance and midnight show, they showered us with attention as elder statewomen of the queercore scene. Judy is using some of the CocoRosie songs in his new flick Otto-Up With Dead People. And their textural meloncholic ditties will definately be a highlight of his film. I also loved the projections they used during their stage presentation. The filmed sequences of Kembra in VH glory, and the Wayan Bros from the White Chicks movie gave me an extra added hoot.
***
Little things i have to get use to in Germany. Number 1: The metric system. Number 2. Military time.
***
Davide Grassi, the perfect man from Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art in Ljubjana, Slovenia has changed his name to Janez Jansa, who is the right wing prime minister of Slovenia. Leave it to Davide to come up with an interesting politikal art intervention. I love Davide, i mean Janez, and his gorgeous wife Marcella, oops thats Mrs. Janez.
***
The amazing and lovesexy Wolfgang Tillmans will be in Berlin for the rest of the month. Can´t wait to hang with him and his uber hung boyfriend Anders.
***
Art invite to Cork, Ireland and Cardifff, Wales. Will let all the fans know more as that develops.

KULISSE FUR DIE LIEBE
I have been formally invited to Iran for a year as an artist in residence, by an my old university friend Kaveh Kamooneh. When Kaveh was young he was a major Persian babe, with wavy hair, full lips, dreamy long dark eyelashes, broad shoulders and thick, large manly hands and feet. Of course Kaveh is now middleaged, married with kids, is a bit dumpy, but is still adorable. Moving to Assyria would be scary, but so was relocating to Europe, and i did, though no one in icky LA really expected that i would take this plunge. I am not getting any younger, or prettier, so its now or never when it comes to taking risks in my life as a cristaline intity. I will let you know more of this as it develops.

EINSATZ AM KOTTI
Worked in the studio most of the week-end spitting out Vagimule collages. Something tells me i need to concentrate on this medium as its very much "The Lady". Had a meeting with pretty Italiana Ms. Tatiana and the darling girls of Cum2Cut who are working this year as partners with Jürgen Bruning and the Porn Film Festival. Last year my performative workshop Porno Adorno-How to F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks was a huge hit. Over drinks at The Nobel Elf the girls asked me to perform for the opening party, but with all my committments in the fall, i will only be able to do a DJane set and provide the visual stimuli with my trespass cinema colleziones.

KILLER TÖTEN TOTE STERBEN
Moving abroad comes ripe with a few problemas. First of all there are no 24-hour supermarkets or drug stores in Berlin. On Sundays everything, and i do mean everything closes down, also on holidays, which seem to be numerous, and pop up when you least expect them, especially them damn religious holidays. O and during the week the supermarkets only stay open till 8pm. Takes a little bit of getting use to.
***
Got a snarky email from Jim Monk of Monk Magazine fame. I´ve always liked Michael Monk, who is soft spoken and sweet, but that Jim----lets just say he doesn´t exactly make the Vaginal list.
***
Ran into handsome writer Nicolas Fargues outside of my local Sparkasse. The striking scribe oozes sex, but just isnt flirtatious enough for "the doll". If a man doesn´t jump on my bones immediately, that gigante womanly ego just can´t handle it, and wants said male person to drop dead immediately. I can´t help it if i´m just like Madame Mau.
***
Met for several hours at my studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta with young British/Israeli PhD student Damon MattYoung, who is a close friend of my sweet academe pal Dr. Dom Johnson who is currently in Palm Springs for the summer.
Tall and lanky Damon is reading at Berkeley, but has been studying German in Berlina for the past month. We had a nice time dwinking wine and chatting about our both being anti-gay gays, among a myriad of other topics. Its always a pleasure kicking back with a good looking softspoken youthquaker.
Speaking of anti gay, Glen Meadmore gave me a call that Rick Castro had read my last blog post and was furious, and wanted my email for a rebuttal. If he does email me, it will certainly automatically go into the spam folder where it will conveniently disapear into cyber space. If Ricky wants a rebuttal he should start his own blog, then he can say what he pleases, to whomever cares to listen.

THE PIES CAKE
That Ricky Castro sure is one nervy fag-got. Not only does he have the audacity to manipulate Glen Meadmore into emailing me to ge the telephone number of Bruce La Bruce producer Jürgen Bruning, but to add insult to injurina he even prods Glen to procure his number from my kollective Cheap collegue Tim Blue, who Glen had only just met a few weeks ago. Now that takes some royal nerviticus. I can only guess that he is STILL trying to secure financing for a pet movie project of his about lesbians called Birkinstock.
Rick has short term memory when it comes to wanting something from someone. He forgets that during Hustler White´s international film festival circuit tour years ago that Miss Jürgen wasn´t exactly thrilled by the Castro overly demanding Aleister Crowleyan charms. In fact Jürgen told me, during an interview for the DVD of Hustler White that he can´t stand Ricky. What set him off was that even before principle shooting began Rick used my old lawyer boyfriend Marcus Bastida, to serve notice to Jürgen of how his final credit in the pic should appear. Granted the movie making business is ripe for rip-off, and one needs to protect oneself, but HW wasnt some multi-million dollar Hollywood production. When Rick and i were friends and collaborators we use to laugh out loud at people that he has now turned into.
Rick definately has talent, and many times has almost become rich and famous from that talent. However, something always seems to stand him short of that goal, i can certainly relate to the fact that getting older with no long term financial security is a frightening prospect in this heartless global economia, but come off it! I would suggest that Rick needs to stick to his current successful LA grift, The Antebellum Art Gallery, which according to my friend Hector seems to be doing quite well. Rick will never run out of sad, horny LA men eager to see live nude, well built, well endowed young models in compromising positions.
And speaking of blasts from the past, i had run into Michi, who was once Rick´s partner in I Love Ricky, at the airport in the states awhile back. Michi is as no nonsense as ever, and the only person who Rick would back down to. Rick and i will never be friends again, but the one person he would still like to have in his life is Michi, who is quite a successful industry veterana. One of these days i will have to write in this blogina what Michi and i talked about, it is very illuminating.

THE PIES CAKE

MORE THEN YOU KNOW
Pre Berlin Hilton party at Joel Gibb alias the Baby Diaper of the Hidden Cameras for dwinky poos. Met gorgeous, hunky Sebastian who produces some MTV Germany Rap program. He told me of his misadventures as an exchange student in Arlington Texas, where his host family told him he cant have any niggers, spics or chinks as friends, only whites, and kicked him out of their house when he missed Sunday church.
Later at the B Hilton Judy LaBruce was the guest dj playing a set list of Canuck hits like American Woman, which had partygoers like Peaches going wild. The lady Peaches was looking very lovesexy, showing the German children how you have fun at a party, something they really need to learn. Also on hand, Britains Noblesse Oblige, Christof Chermin, and Israeli hungthrob Assof Hochman.

NUTZTSIE IHRE CHANCE
Zac Elfron the queeny kid that stars in that tired musical remake of John Water's Hairspray has been making the fag rounds in Berlin, and actually came on to me. What could Ms. Male base do for the doll you ask, well absolutely nothing. I did share a quick snog at Berlin Hilton with model Calum Best.
I've already cheated on the new Belgium pencil dick, i've been seeing. I'm sure he doesnt read my blog, so don' tell him. My paramour is an Argentinian experimental music artist with pre-mature salt n pepper hair and a humpy body and flagrante penis delecti that you'd sell your grandmother for. And can we talk about a matinee idol smile---brilliantine! Actually my trick is of Italian, Sicilian origins, and hails from Buenos Aires. I loves me some dark swarthyness----"i'm famished for the dark ones, and tired of the light ones". Argentine Gabriel spent hours devoted to my asstrovar, trying to dislodge its Vulcan death grip, he almost succeeded, but not quite. I am still an anal virgin---thank god.
***
Lovely postcard to the Witwe Bolte from Stefanie of the Arsenal Kino who is on a well deserved holidaze in Portugal. Frauline Stefanie is the hardest working young woman in the experimental cinema world, constantly toiling around the clock to advance the movement.
***
Daniel of Cheap used his new tagine to cook a scrumpteous Moroccan feast at Piero la Colleziones palazzo on the Kurfurstendamn, even his ultra sexy next door neighbor smelled the food, and brought over a bottle of Syrian wine, fishing for an invite. The meal was much better then the one provided by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, whose new Berlin compound is somewhat rickity. Angelina may be with Brad, but she hasnt given up her lesbiana relations with former Calvin Klein mannequin Jenny "Chicken" Shimizu, but of course now they've progressed to a hot buttery threegy with Bradley taking the lead. Bradster is no sranger to whoregies having been the center of many during this boy ingenue days in the late 80s, before he went out with Robin Givens. Brad's hommeshinanigans would put a Falcon Video pac star to shame.

PER ANHALTER IN DEN TOD
Work on Cheap Blacky is progressing nicely. Besides Fassbinder´s films Whitey and Beware the Holy Whore as inspiration, Judy LaBruce has added Passolini´s Teorema, Reflections of a Golden Eye and Joseph Losey´s Boom starring Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. We´re also going to use some real life maids and servants in the production---its going to be a hoot!
***
Had a date with a wealthy Belgium man, thanks to matchmaker Hugo. The dude was pretty sexy, with a nice muscular body--incredible broad shoulders, pretty eyes, large nose, lots of things i like in a man child. When he started to mack on me, it was passionate fruitas and babytenderlove. He even knew how to suck titty properly, which is a major plus, as i have ultra sensitive nips. The only thing i didnt like was his pencil dick. It was uber long, but not very thick, and this girl likes thickness in the mitigated area of the thrombone. But i shouldnt be so picky as he eagerly and greedily chowed down on my nasty nappy dugout for hours that seemed like days, so when a man takes care of your garden salad like that, you shouldn´t easily negate him. But lets face it Vaginal Davis is a selfish bitch, and she never gets enough attention from men. I am like a baby bird, always wanting MORE! MORE! MORE!

EATICUS INTERUPTICUS
Love sexy allyoucaneat bruncheon mit fearless leader of Cheap kollective, Susie Su and Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras at Frida Kahlo Bistro in the land of the monster truck SUV babystrollers. Talk about a glam meeting of the minds! We decided that a collaborative project is a future must. The other evening Joel showed me his collaboration with a Toronto modern dance company. I liked the choreography that Joel did much better then the dance troupes choreographer which was cliche barefoot modern dance moves and very bland white peopleish
++++
My old pal from a million years ago Hugo, who use to work closely with 80s designer Claude Montana owns a most unusual gay matchmaking service that specializes in hookups for dinge queens looking for that perfect piece of jubas jubilee. Hugo charges astronomical fees, and both the snow and dinge must be professionals, to exclude gold diggers and the shiftless. Sweet Hugo let me join the roster for free, and has packaged me as a famous international black artist, newly based in Berlin. Well my profile appeal went skyrocketing through the roof, and now I am getting requests for dates from all over the world by some men who look really sexy in their computer profiles. Who knows how they will appear when in person. Will keep you posted on the results. At worse the men will all be psychos, and at best this will turn out to be a phun experiment that will provide me with plenty of fodder to write about.
++++
Ingmar Bergman died today. The 7th Seal, Wild Strawberries, Cries and Whispers, Fanny and Alexander, were just a few of my favorites. Tell me yours.
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Cheap Blacky inspiration night with our director Judy LaBruce, set designer Christophe Chermin, production coordinator Anna and the rest of the Cheap gang. We watched for herspiration the 1967 John Huston film Reflections of a Golden Eye starring a mumbling Marlon Brando, Liz Taylor, Brian Keith, Julie Harris, a young humpy Robert Foster, as the object of homosexy desire, and a demented filipino queen named Anacleto who reminded me of the flip gay comic actor and histrionic showboater Alex Mapa.

FOREVER CAMEMBERT
Got word from Los Angeles that Mark Haggard died of an overdose of drugs. Not a surprise there. Last time i saw Mark he was all strung out in MacArthur Park, had lost tons of weight and was carrying a large duffel bag, so i guess he was also homeless. He had been an on-off drug addict for years. More on then off. When he was sober he was a nice guy. The love of his life was a queercore performer named Travis, who wasn´t much known outside of LA punk rock circles. Travis died years ago, and Mark never really recovered from that. He had met a boring wealthy fag from Palm Springs who was very much in to him, taking him on expensive vacations and whatnot, but Mark managed to ruin even that relationship. LA is one lady of a city that destroys people. Thats one of the many reasons i had to get out of Dodge!
****
Was sent a link to an academic journal from England with an essay called Queercore-The Distinct Identities of Subculture, that came out in Feb 1997 by Michael Du Plessis and Kathleen Chapman. The article is one of the best things written about me by an academic. Why did it take ten years before i found out about it?
***
Spent a long lovely day with the baby diaper Joel Gibb of The Hidden Cameras. He is back in Berlin after months of touring. He told me some hot gossip about some new pop star i have never heard of named Lilly Allen, who was coming into his dressing room to do lines of cocaine, and that Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters wanted Joel as a guest star in his bedroom, joining him and his lover. Joel is a sexy young man, who is desired by many. We went to some squatter party on Casting Couch Allee to see Malte´s drag band play, but i came down with diarrea and we had to suddenly leave and find me a toilet to splodge in. It took me forever to recover, so when i was feeling better we headed to Maria to see Noblesse Oblige perform. Maria is a tired club with awful techno music playing. Thank god for Val and her hot boyfriend who put on a wonderous little performance, showing everyone how its properly done. There´s nothing like london moxie, hurray!!!!
***
Got an emug from Bill Silva of Silva Productions, Mgmt and Brand Entitlement Corporation. Bill produced the Margaret Cho Tour i was on years ago and also now manages Margaret and Jason Mraz. Jason is a cute kid, but i find his music dull, which means its perfect for the mainstream, and that is why he is so successful,that and the hard work of having someone like Bill Silva behind you. Looked at Bill´s website and i noticed he is still managing John Hogan, but not Bruce Daniels the black queen who now opens for Margarets tour. Hmmmmm . . .interesting. Margaret Cho´s former manager Karen is suing both Margaret and Bill. She even sent me an email with copies of the court papers, knowing that i am a big gossip queen and that of course i would report it on my blog, which is better then putting it on a billboard. I never liked Karen, but i´ve always liked Bill who is a silver haired fox. Bill should manage Joel Gibb and the Hidden Cameras, they would be the perfect prestige artist on his roster.

Have a brunch date with a big dick Belgium man, so i will continue this later.