DAS TAZ KURZABO
Went to Berlin Hilton to see underground teen sensation Philippe perform along with special guest Snax, and friends. Youthquaker Philippe is an ethereal delight, whose musical verve was way too sophisticated for the crowd of children, who were happy to be anyplace they can find a nice bag of freshly wrapped dicks. That was a shame because they missed out on the nuance at work, both in musical delivery and in presentation. Aided and abetted by sloshed Slovakian hearthrob Mario, revving the crowd from the sidelines, and the precision of Travis Jeppeson´s cochise bass lines. By the time they got to the P/Snax duet "Lets Call The Whole Thing Off" everything had settled into the crisply sublime. Now thats how you close a hot summer evening.

WENN SIE MIT DER NUTZUNG
At Arsenal for the Swedish silent Norrtullsligan. Delightful flick, the conventions of the time displaced the more lesbianic/feminista source material in favor of standard melodrama, but some key components were able to remain and the compositions were downright lovell. Also great having Ms. Stefanie´s voice ringing through the auditorium translating the title cards from Swedish to German, and Daniel of Cheap from German to English.
Started working on Cheap Blacky. . .Sortof with entire gang Suzi, Tim, Kjohhnny, Dragan Yvonne, Daniela and our new production facilitator Anna. Later went to the Zeughaus Kino at DHM to see Grossstadtschmetterling, Ballade Einer Liebe starring luscious Anna May Wong and directed by Richard Eichberg. Got hit up on by faded tennis player Mark Philippoussis.
***
Back at Arsenal for a special program featuring a screening of Louis Malle´s 1957 classic Elevator to the Gallows, starring the enchanting Jeanne Moreau and a sexy male lead. Wow!
Went to opening of the Weinerstrasse 45 space with Travis, Mario and singer-ex supermodel Philippe. Nice soiree, everyone dressed like a secretary ala the Maggie Gylenhaal film. Got into a robust conversation with a good time sally of a pretty Irish academe lassie. No attractive men at this event, but lots of clever ladies. I should become a lesben.
Tim Blue taught me some new vocabulary words. Twink: a young clueless fag Twank-what a twink becomes once he hits his 30s. Twunk: What happens to a twink when he gets even older, but still demands the same kinds of attentions he was able to attract in his youth.
****
Glen Meadmore called me from holiday at Lake Constanze. Hopefully i will get to meet up with the lady in Berlina.
****
Greek shipping magnates son Vassily Bourikas had a greek actif dinner party where the main course was sheep testicles. They were yummy, and now i am all roid raging. Had a great time with Vass, Stefanie of the Arsenal, Tim and Kjohnny, Evie from bbooks, Cornell, and his hot Budapest stud puppy friend, and Vass´ pretty boy roomie and his sexy gamine girlfriend

MUSIK UND MALEREI
Iranian prinzessinbad via Montreal´s McGill University Leila, and her lovesexy all-girl poontang posse invaded Berlin for phun and phrolic. I am forever indebted to Ms. Leila for bringing me back to the French Canadian wonderland in March of this year, after a six year hiatus.
The last time i was in the land of giganticus uncut meatsis was when i opened up for Margaret Cho´s Notorious C.H.O. tour in 2001-2
Along with baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and a gamut of Canucks, Francophiles and an uber hung Moroccan stud treat we took over the Nobel Elf cantina at KottbusserDamn Crusty to raucausly celebrate Laila´s 12 1\2 year of living on the planet.
A few nights before i went drinking with teen lovers Travis and Mario who now work as high paid male courtesans via Madame Toucanana and her elite acting, grifting, hooking, hustling, modeling and talent agency.
***
Kjohnny Blue, younger brother of Cheapie Tim Blue is now living in Berlin. Two brothers with penile sizes of 25 centimeters each-----Wow!!!! it doesnt get any better then that. Tim hosted a welcoming party at his flat that included all the usual stars of the scene plus the lovely Stefanie of the Arsenal Kino.
Got to run I am having lunch with the handsome German actor Til . . .

MADAME TOUCANANA
My new number one fan, who worships me the most is pretty, young Bee Schaffer. Ms. Schaffer is the stylish daughter of Vogue's Anna Wintour, and I adore this child. It feels great to be relevant to the flaming youthquakers of the world. It makes me feel like i am not such an old hag, when in reality i am nothing but a bag of a hag's hag.
***
Vaginal Davis is such a whorita. I've been hootchy lately with Raffaello Follieri. What can i say, he has nice genitalia. Please don't tell Ann Hathaway.

DAISY CRACKERS
Went to Recontres Internationales and saw Tim Blue´s cute Dublin, Ireland pal Paul Rowley´s lovely experimental short, "Gravity Loop" on what turned out to be a very long shorts program.
Back in Berlin for short stop---command performance of Max und Moritz for der Bundespräsident at Schloss Bellevue. Took photos with fugly Chancellor Angela Merkel. My exotic beauty turned the heads of the many dignataries. The only ones i wanted to sex with were the boilingly hot security personnel and the humpy waiters during the formal reception.
Last show of M&M at this year´s Parkaue season, regular cast member Denis broke his leg, so Henning stepped in with wonderful results. He brings a robust Gene Kelly athleticism to the role, and had the kids rolling in the aisles with his prat falls.
Will miss the closing party as i am off for gallery shows in Cork, Ireland, Glasgow Scotland and Liverpool. Scared about being in the UK with the terror alerts.

PODIPLOMCI
Vaginal Davis, Vaginal Davis, Vaginal Davis you and your shameless tricking. Two recent lotharios of la diva, turn out to be a pop starlet named Jan DeLay, and a well known actor(schauspieler) Stefan Kaminski. Both men in bed were nothing to write home to grandma about.

PRILOGA GRADIMO ZIVIMO
The gorgeous Professor Jennifer Doyle was in fine form when she presented her lecturina Between Friends at Kapelica Gallery, the day after my performance piece. I've never seen la Doyle so animated and in complete total control. Certainly getting regular sex from a hunkazoid Slovenian contributed to her zesty glow. At both of our performances was members of one of my favorite all-time bands Laibach and the NSK kollective. O and correcting what i wrote earlier, our after party was produced and arranged by the lovely Marsela of Aksioma.
And to all who wrote to me: Yes Marilyn Manson came to the show. What else was there for him to do in Ljubljiana? I think he definately was on the prowl to steal ideas for a rock video. I get so sick of these mainstream rock video directors who appropriate from the performance art world. Why not hire us as an art director so that we can make a little cash$. When you do performance or live art, you are guaranteed a life of poverty, so if someone wants to borrow your so called "edge" they need to pay for it accordingly.
Before coming to Slovenia Dr. Doyle and i partied with British art star Tracy Emmin. Dr. Doyle wrote an introduction for Tracy's work as part of the UK Pavillion at the Venice Biennale. And if you haven't bought Jennifer Doyle's amazing book "Sex Objects and the Dialectics of Desire" rush out and get it today, if its the last thing you ever do.
***
I've been writing about German gay sex for numerous publications including a Frohmer's type publication that will be coming out soon. I will entreat you with a little preview of my take on the gay sauna scene, here goes nuttin:

As a bathhouse benediction queen from way back before the flood i am an expert on gay saunas from around the world. Being that i missed the heyday of saunas during the 70s, the first time i went to one i snuck in underage with my girlfriends from Ventura, CA: Dora, Boofy, Thing, Bigdiq Doug, HomoHaus, Vince,BushBunny, Gommorah, Wednesday, and Quasi. We all went to the legendary 8709 that was, believe it or not connected to the Cedar Sinai Medical Center on Third Street back in the early 80s. This tub was owned by a wealthy fag named Sheldon Andelson who was also a UC regent, and politico. 8709 is probably responsible for the AIDS infections of almost everyone who went to the place including its owner. How i escaped is because i was more of a voyeur and not a participant. Besides 8709 there was M*A*C*S in Silverlake known also as the Men's Action Center and Men's Affection Center. I went to this bath along with my Ventura posse as well and lets say that the sex i observed at these places was beyond wild. Imagine walking into a large room filled with bunk beds and the sounds of large penises slapping sphincter's to a disco soundtrack and giant screen Falcon Videos blazing. Its was downright angelic and demonic at the same time. I've never before or since seen so many huge penises,in every configuration, and the sounds and smells of sex that would leave one faint.
But let me now move to the present. In Berlin there are four saunas and i've visited them all at different times and days just so that my reportage would be fair and accurate.
Lets start with the Triebhause Sauna in Prinzlauber. The best time to go is Sunday afternoons, which seems strange to Americans but thats how it is in Germany. Of all the tubs this is the one with the youngest, cutest, best bodied and peniled clientle, but like everything in Berlin it can still be hit or miss. I really love that at Euro Saunas you can sit around a full bar, have a drink and get some food, but the small town cammaraderie can make it seem like a old lady hen party, which kills things if you want to really get a mack freak on---every man for himself, and that infamous German distance thing is even more prevalent at saunas, where between twinky cha-cha queens and schlager crusties you have to put up with a lot of icky attitude. And will someone please explain why the tuetonics insist on getting their proverbial gnut in the wet sauna, the place where germs incubate the most. If you hang right outside the shower holding pen, you get to see who has the largest merchandise. German penis are exceedingly above average, but like the British Germans are either extremely gorgeous or butt fugly, and some of those large peters are very misshapen. Germans have this weird openness/modesty thing that is hard to explain let alone understand, they are a culture set apart indeed.
The layout of Treibhause is weird, and most of the employees are a complete trip. Why do the most bitter and jaded people always work in saunas? There are a few kids who work there who are sweet, and the best thing about going to these places is the massage staff, you can receive a halfhour or hour for a decent price. At Triebhause there is one ladylooking man who works behind the kasse and bar, who i swear looks just like Carol Burnette circa 1974, same hair, and lips,and he is so heavily moisturized it looks like he put clear nail polish all over his face----but remember Berlin is a place of really bizarre trendy hair cuts and looks.

SO POLISISTI IZGINILI Z VISOKIMI GOSTI?
o my darling ljubjiana, you opened your golden gates to me and i let you drink chocolate milk from my large breastage!!!! I love you!!!! Everyone was so warm and accomodating and extremely helpful. All the juicy collaborators, from the mothers who donated their beautiful healthy white babies to me for the Madonna of Laibachdorf photo series and the VDasVB performance. Shout out to my new granddaughter Isabella, Nina, Pinta, SantaMaria!!!!
I am forever indebted to the generosity, courageous spirit and love shown by event producers Davide Grassi and his lovely and serene wife Marcela Okretic, of the Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art, who provided Dr. Doyle and i with a pristine villa as accomodations, filled with more food then we could ever eat, that overlooked the majestic Alps. It was so nice sleeping in a giant bedroom on a superkingsize bed that could have fit 45 lovers, and Davide and Marcela even pimped out men for us, so that our orifices were always filled with uber floppy, drippy appendages. yahoo!!!!!!
Everything ran smoothly, and tight tight tight, like a gash, like a wound. And the press coverage was amazing. I must have done 20 interviews and had 30 photo sessions, and all the journalistas asked prostrate probing questions.
It was wonderful being a part of the City of Women festival, and Marcela even produced a gigante party for Jennifer and I attended by literally hundreds at the old squattors encampment. Of course there is so much more to tell, and i will get to it all, i promise, I´m just a little exhausted at the moment, but i promise to give you the details of Jennifer´s lecture, and book signing for her new tome "Sex Objects" so please be patient.

PROBLEM MARKET
sLOVEnia as its spelled in the tourist publicity pamplets is gorgeous in the summer,but because of global harming its hot and super humid, two combinations that can make a drag queen quite ill and sluggish when having to do a performance in a gallery with no air-conditioning. Actually air-conditioning was installed, but with all the people it didnt feel like there was any,so of course i turned into a sweaty disaster. It didnt matter the piece went off without a hitch thanks to the efforts of producers Davide Grassi and his enchanting wife Marcela Okretič,their children Sofia and Dante Vaginal(named after yours truelly) Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art,City of Women, the Association For The Promotion of Women in Culture, and Kapelica Gallery where the event took place.
Special thanks and kisses should be sent to Sabine Potocki, Katia Kobolt, Dunja Kukovec and all the City of Women collaborators who provided the sexy living sculpture and cherubic baby supermodels for the VDasVB Madonna of Laibachdorf accompanying photoshoot, which took place at Alcatraz Gallery photographed by the brilliant Nada Žgank. The City of Women ladies took Professor jennifer Doyle and i to a sexy luncheon spot, and we laughed like old girlfriends, traded international art gossip and flirted with the hunky boy waiters including the muscular owner of the bistro who is from Montenegro. For more information on this incredible beautiful kollective of women superstar talents go to their website at www.cityofwomen.org.
O and i must mention my incredible stylist, make-up and hair designer Miss Metka Megušar Bizan, who made me look overwhelmingly sensational, so that all the bubble butt, big peniled Slovenian men were dripping to place their manifests inside my dank orifical. I adore Metka,and she is a delight to work with.
juri of Kapelica Gallery was looking as handsome and dashing as ever, as the main art czar of the Balkans he is the point man of the former Yugaslavian country art politik.
Many local celebs came to the show,as well as an incognito unrecognizeable Marilyn Manson who was in Slovenia performing. He came up to me and said hi with some young girl who didnt look anything like his current love interest Rachel Evan Wood, in fact this girl looked more like his ex-Dita Von Teese.
The City of Women sponsored an after party at the Squat Metelkova,where their offices are located, and we all got down until the wee hours.
Early in the week Dr. Doyle took me to a fancy din din at the Lunch Cafe where the 19 year old waiter oogled us to death with lovesexy attention. This boy had gigantic hands and feet, and i really wanted to kidnap him.
Friday afternoon taken to brunch by super stud curator at the Ljubjiana Museum of Modern Art, Igor "Spaki" Španol, where we both cruised the insanely juicy boys in the city center and traded international art gossip. Tonight is Professor Doyles presentation, so hopefully i will get a chance to write some more about this Balkan trip before i leave to go back home to Berlin.

ALL MY sLOVEnia
Had a joyous last evening in Berlin before leaving for the Balkans. My youthquaking escorts: boy writer Travis Jeppeson and his child bride Mario. We all went to see DJ Snax behind the famous wheels of steel at Shwuz in Mehringdam. Cute crowd of young suburban looking subterraneans. Had a great time, but as usual i am too old to stay out late, though Snax warmed my heart by playing Bernadette Cooper (from Klymaxxx fame) black dagger anthem "You Look Good".
Tried taking S-Bahn to Flughafen Schonefeld, but of course the German efficiency, was lacking and someone was cleaning all the rail tracks, so it was almost impossible getting to this Henry Left of Fielding aeroport. Somehow i managed, almost missing my Easy Jet Flight to Venice Italy, where handsome Davide Grassi of Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art was picking me up. We made a Death in Venice/Don't Look Now Julie Christie detour, and i got to feel like both Donald Sutherland and Dirk Bogarde, with Rhumatoid arthritis flaring up in the feet, and the stale humid air giving me the double d vapors. Rendevous with Professor Jennifer Doyle and her Lubian young lover for the long scenic drive to Slovenia. Davide and his co-producer and lovely, serene Argentine/Slovenian wife Marcela Okretic>know just how to take care of everything, so with print, radio and TV interviews all secured and deliciously coordinated, and collaborators firmly entrenched, i don't need to worry about a power bitchty thing, and i can enjoy the bountiful summer beauty of the city, and its many sun soaked bubble butt male splendours.
Need a good night sleep because tomorrow morn is the big photo shoot called, Vaginal Davis, VD as VB Madonna of Laibachsdorf.

AMOOROSA
Was listening to NPR, Berlin where Pete of Dishwasher Magazine was being interviewed about his new book about washing dishes in all 50 states. I originally met Mr. Pete back in the 90s when i was on the Ben is Dead Winnebego National Zine Tour. Pete was going out with a sweet fiddle playing gal who did a zine about working on a fishing boat in Alaska, i think her zine was called "Goin Fishing"
Glad to see that a really great and deserving person got a book deal instead of one of the usual idiots.
Bumped into the tall, goodlooking editor of the amazing Scrub Magazine on the street in Kreutzberg. He was with that artist from San Francisco, who now is based in Berlin, MC Alvarez, or is his name PT Alvarez?
***
Lovely birthday party for Ritchie and Salome, the twins of Fearless Leader of Cheap Suzi Sue. I adore Suzi´s GDR mom Ellen. She is a living doll.
Trolling the Hermannplotz with Tim Blue, who would go up to humpy Arab men and say, "I´ve seen your countries porn, and I know what you´re capable of doing to your own people!" Which surprisingly illicited lots of smiles.
***
I wish that tiny woman of a film star Tom Cruise would stop stalking me. He just moved to Berlin to be closer to me, buying a villa in Wannsee which is an exclusive Berlina area west of tony Charlottenberg. Major yuck yuck--i hope i don´t run into him anywhere.
Delightful birthday luncheon with Marcu of Cheap, we stopped by bbooks who are opening up a branch especially for Documenta. Cute boy is working at bbooks who has extra large feet. Ran into sexy Chenell who was in Istanbul at the same time that Daniela Romano was there. So great spending quality time with Marcu in our favorite pursuit----gossiping.
Cheap inspiration day watching Fassbinder´s Whitey and the Cheap concert of 2005 by Daniela, Tim & k-Johnny Blue at Hau 2 which will greatly influence our new production which goes into rehearsals in July after i return from Slovenia. Later in evening attended a happy-go-lovely watermelon and vodka party celebrating Marcu´s newly appointed research position at the University. joyous, frivolity abounding!!!
NOTE TO STUPID PEOPLE EVERYWHERE:
Please stop emailing wanting me to perform for free at your tired event or club. Drag queens aren´t just happy to be anywhere getting a little attention. Drag is serious hard work, make-up cost money, so when i beat on a face its to be re-numerated appropriately, anything less than that is insultin, and offensive, and will not be tolerated. So please take heed and only contact me when you know what your budget is going to be and include what kind of honorarium you are willing to offer me. To quote tired McDonna, who i hate, but this is fitting: "Time is $money and that money is mine".

CORNISCHE GAME HENS
Bar popping with 14 year old novelist Travis Jeppeson. Went to the Tom Bar Folllies where they were screening Rican Thug Porn and Arab Blue movies via Citi Beure. Ran into a Euro Creme pup who was in Bruce La Bruces Otto Up With Dead People. The tall gigantee genitalic youth was with his fugly sugardaddy who he obviously was bored with, because he kept ignoring the man and was constantly coming over to hang with Travis and I.
Spent a few days shopping furiously with Cheap husband Tim Blue looking for birthday presents for Ritchie Rich and Salome, the teenage children of Fearless Leader Suzi Su. As always i have a fantastie time with Mr. Blue, and we wound up at the Noble Elf bar in Kreutzberg for dwinks. Tim bumped into the dull German artist Rainer, who looks like a walking fishling, and one of Timmys Bay area pals Arturo was in the same malepussy posse.
Sunday i took a ho stroll and wound up at the tired dreadlock hippie park with the waterfalls. I hate hippies. I blame Perry Farrell of Janes Addiction for cross pollinating hippie culture and punk with his icky Lollapalooza Festival.

joke
whats the difference between a punk and a hippy?
none, a punk is a hippy with amnesia

I swear sometimes Berlin is worse then San Francisco as the capital of bad hair and ill fashion. Dont let me get started about women who dont blend their makeup, and just slop it on haphazardly.
Walked right into the middle of the Mehringdamn Sttreet Fair. The street fairs here remind me of a dirtier Sunset Junction, with shady Afrikan drug dealers, looking for customers and crazy German white chicks to plow.
Bumped into this drag king who has been living in Berlina for over 10 years, but is originally from Boston. I like her dishelveled saggy male bitch tit look. I can never remember her name, but she is a talkative good time Sally, and i like that.

What a small town i live in. Was on my way to the Tiergarten and who should i espy but Doug Upp from Hawaii and his sugar daddy who are touring the continent. They had just arrived to Berlin from Prague and were on their way to the Jewish Museum. What a surprise seeing Doug, i didnt recognize him, he has really aged, he and the sugar daddy looked like contemporaries. When he was young, he was quite cute, and use to make this interesting zine called Bucky Lake, which was like a soap opera zine about the Peyton Place like inhabitants of a fictional town.

The last time i heard from him, he had made an awful video using one of my PME songs and put it on icky You Tube. I told him not to, but he did it anyway, I dont have the resources to sue him, but the guy who financed my CD, and owns Spectre Sonic Records, is rich and will sue him when he gets wind of the violation.
I hate it when people figure that because you are an underground star they can just take your work and do whatever they want with it. I told Doug that he should show his talent, and create original music for his video, dont just steal my music, and attach it to your ill conceived project.

JINX HAWKENSPLUG
Treated to a wonderous breaky by Paddy Aldrich of Toronto´s Walk on the Wildside, the store where crossdresser Wilem Dafoe gets his big white panties, and where the new Hairspray movie bought foundation garments for Johnny Travolta. Paddy brought along her best friend, the famous filmmaker and investigative journalist Eva Jobst, who is from Leipzig, in the former GDR. Paddy and Eva met as penpals in their teens. Eva is a great beauty, and is warm and personable, just like Paddy. I´d love to meet Eva´s 22 year old son who is two meters tall, and wears a size 50 shoe----yum.
***
Went to MonGay at Kino Int´l with Daniela Romano of Cheap. We saw Kiki Monterpernase´s anthology short subject film "Fucking Problematic New York" or something like that. The premise is that lesbians make films about fags and vice versa. That mandate wasn´t followed completely, but who cares? I liked the first two films---a girl jock gets her first pedi-mani cure and two baby dykettes of colour go through the male habadashery ritual of tie knotting----GREAT!
Todd Verow´s contribution featured a portly pepperpot who resembled Margo Howard-Howard, the late downtown tranny who wrote the classic tome "I Was a White Sex Slave in Harlem"
Great seeing Kiki who is always cute and cuddly, and in the audience was a brooding Daniel Belcher of "Skin Flick" and "Raspberry Reich". Later i saw him in high cruise mode at the Tom´s Bar Follies. I am sure some lucky relic got to chow down on his beautiful Swiss Titan bone contendre.
Received two surprise care packaginas from the US of KKK. One from pretty Professor Jennifer Doyle of UC Riverside who will be with me in Slovenia at Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art. She will be giving a talk about her book "Sex Objects" and of course i will be performing my latest VD as VB parody in the gallery.
Dr. Doyle sent me some make-up products i can´t get in Germany, books, an Olvera Street Mexican blanky, and other goodies.
Handsome Jeff Beaumonte, one of my Club Sucker regulars who was just in Berlin with his rock steady crew showered me with a gamount of gourmet dainties, and luxury items of the beauty potion inclement. When Jeff & Co. were in Berlina they took me for din din and drinks and wildly spoiled the lady. Ah i am reminded of the good ole days of Silverlake before the floods and rains of Ranchipur. A zillion thanks and kisses to Jennifer and Chevalier Beaumonte. I love you, i need you.
***
Decided to go for a dwink at Frankenstein 5000 at Hermannplotz. Ran into Tim Blue of Cheap and artist Matt the cute boy Otter, who is pals with art photog Ryan McGinnley and Amra Brooks the daughter of Joseph Brooks, of Jo& Henry and Vinyl Fetish fame. I had a major falling out with Jo years ago over his chintzy ways, and i wrote about it in a famous article in the LA Weekly, where all of Hollywood congragulated me on being so forthcoming. I didnt know that many people felt the same way about Joseph that i did, i think thats why he got so angry about the dig.
One of my biggest pet peeves is cheapskates. So if you are not a generous person, get thee gone and away from Vaginal Davis!!!!

ROTE INSEL
My new neighborhood of Red Island is a very famous part of Berlin. Everyone from Blixa Bargeld, Bowie, Lou Reed, Dietrich, Einstein, Klaus Kinski, Hildegard Knef and Billy Wilder have lived here. I like it because its not trendy, and there are gorgeous young Turks and Arabs roaming about with bubble butts in tight white pants.
The famous dinette set table of Cheap fearless leader Suzi Su was all a flutter once again with very special guest star, the dashing superstar academe Douglas Crimp, who dropped in for a surprise visit to Berlina via a conference in Hanover. Sitting around like a couple of white chix talking: Daniela Hendrickson, fresh from a month in Istanbul, Piero of La Collezione, Tim Blue, Marcu Siegel and young sänger Max Von Thun.
***
Wondermint evening at Kino Arsenal for the Roberto Rosselini homage. Got to see a different side of adulteress Ingrid Bergman in the hilarious 1953 short "The Chicken" and of course i worship George "I was bored" Sanders, and he and the luminous Ms. Bergman made a delightful pairing in the film "Voyage to Italy".
Stayed for the second program called Hardfilms: Pixels and Celluloid. Only the Arsenal and its savior Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, and her illustrious crew could bring you such diverse experimental offerings.

WHO´LL STOP THE RAIN?
Got caught in an avalanche of torential rain, a whorenado, thundercrack and lightening with the lovesexy and gracious Berlinale Film Festival and Kino Arsenal head honcho Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, and Tim Blue of Cheap at the Anchorclausen on the Canal.
We laughed and shared stories, as the the gods and godesses kissed the sky in flaggrant pavegrant. Timmy Blue told me that he will buy me a small underdeveloped country and an island in the South Pacific for Christmas, but not before he finishes work on a new documentary film about a 78 year Detroit based genius that the Goethe Institute and Arte Channel will be financing. I´m also going to suggest to Tim that for his first feature film he adapt the new novel, "Wolf at the Door" by 14 year old writing sensation Travis Jeppeson.

KÜSSE MIT HINDERNISSEN
My handsome studly husband, Tim Blue of Cheap is alway buying be lovely presents. Not only is he responsible for my glamourous new glass desk in my art studio, but he just presented me with a communist bicycle from the former GDR. Now i can ride around Berlina in style. Thank you my big strong papa, you are built for speed.
***
The famous round dinette set table of fearless leader Suzi Su of kollective Cheap was all ablaze Friday night. Suzi´s salon is Berlin´s intellectual must haven, and a modern answer to the Algonquin round table of yore. Seated feasting and pontificating until the wee hours: film historian Marcu Siegel, Kino Arsenal´s gorgeous Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Guy Maddin cinematographer(Brand Upon the Brain) gentle Ben from Seattle, Antonio Versace, Lydia Hearst, Joel Gibb of Canada´s Hidden Cameras, and Rafael Van Daer Vaart.
***
Saturday eve i bicycled down to Barbie Deinhoff´s for drinks with delightful British academe Gavin Butt(After Criticism), Marcu Siegel, modesigner Philippe Puron, socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Elsa Pataky who was without beau Adrien Brody----hmmmm?

ZART KNOSPEN
I am an ill dinner party queen. Went to Bruce La Bruce´s cinematographer James Carman´s soiree at a posh Charlottenberg apt. Met Andrew Horn, the director of the incredible Klaus Nomi film. Mr. Horn is an American who has been living in Berlina for 17 years.
I also flirted with the Italienischer exportschlager Titziano Ferro who is beyond lovely.
The next day i hung out with diaper baby Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. We had a blast at a street festival making fun of the Nollendorky gaysits.
My sweet editor Ruth Schonegger had a tiny dinner party the following evening. On the way to her flat a virile big footed young man asked me if i knew of an internet cafe nearby. I guess that is Berlinese for would you like to suck my giant penis? From one of Ruths´s friends i found out about the Wolfsburg Autostadt where automakers Volkswagon, Audi, Bentley, Lamburghini and Skourda have a disneyland style theme park. I have to pay the place a visit.
***
Uber heat warming the interior snuggle of the homo cancer shelf in Heisenheide Volkspark. Nothing but the fathers of trolls frolicking, so i went to visit the son of the Blood of Abraham, Assoff Hochman at his Stadmitte hightower apt with the gorgeous view. I adore handsome Assoff, who is a dancer with the Catherine Sullivan Company. Later in the balmy evening we recreated the central park dance scene between Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse from The Bandwagon.
Had a nightcapp at the Prinzekonnect, and in the starkroom, a salty dog couple chewed on my breastage, to a mighty tubular blue movie visual soundtrack of the lengendary Francois Faggot, i mean Sagat.
Max und Moritz performances have been especially winning. Everyone was on with a capital T, at the last one where none other then Ibadette and Mickey One of The Super700 band came to check us out. Afterwards fearless leader Suzi Su took me for a lesbian luncheon at Delores, the Burrito joint in Mitte,where we talked about our next Cheap project which now has the working title of "Blacky".
14 year old writing wunderkind Travis Jeppeson invited me to attend a screening of Fassbinders Fox and his Friends along with his beautiful 12 year old beau Mario, and DJ Jazzy Snax at Basso, the brain child of Yusi Etiman, who i finally met, after a million people have told me i should know him. He was very personable and gave me a copy of his sweet art magazine.
Ran into lovesexy artist and DJ Dennis Wang who has been living in Berlin for years. I originally met him in Chicago in the early 90s when he was part of the Thing magazine house music all night long kollective.
After the movie we drank and stank at Barbie Deinhoff, ate at Oregano and more liquoring at Rosa´s. The perfect Berlin evening.
Thanks again to little Travis for forcing me to be more social. I can´t wait to read Travis latest tome, which he gave me a preview copy of.

DIE FRAU MIT DEM HELM
Received a lovely note from a UK fan who wondered why former collaborators Andrew Gould of the Parlour Club, Frank Rodriguez of Club Sucker, and photographer Rick Castro had fallen out of my favour.

The only way i can answer is that i always act consistently. When I am finished with a person it is forever. I do not think this is a good way to be. But i endow the people i love with certain beauties and excitement, and when they make me sore all the inspiration dies out of the relationship.

KÄFIGE IM KESSEL
Fearless leader Suzi Su of Cheap was my lesbianic date for din din with auteur Bruce "Judy"LaBruce at a quaint boite in Kreutzberg. There is so much gossip in Berlin surrounding Cheap. The latest is that Suzi is preggers with my baby. To help flame the rumourville, i´m telling everyone that as a lesben couple we will both be having twins simultaneously, but aren´t at liberty to name the famous father.

After our meal we went to the wrap party for Judy´s new zombie flicker "Otto-Up With Dead People" at a spacious loft down the street from the restaurant. Everyone was dressed in zombie chic, which in beautiful, but bleak Berlin means come as u are.
Brilliant reunion with Hustler White´s incredible cinematographer, the dashing James Carman and sound meister Soren, who are part of the LaBrucian stock company of film players, having also worked on Skin Flick, Raspberry Reich, and now Otto.
Seen cavorting: producer Jürgen Bruning with his happy-go-lovely right hand man Kiki Montpernese, DJ Snax fresh from a stint with the Scissor Sisters, Zoo Magazines 14 year old writing sensation Travis Jeppeson with his witty 12 year old Slovakian lover in tow with his mom.
No party in Berlin is complete without Evie, Allessio, & Sasha of the bbooks klan, add to that make-up giantessa Pasqual, and Asha, the delectable Josephine Baker doppleganger and number #1 assistant to design god Rick Owens, who created the heavenly fashions for Otto and will also be doing costumes for my next Cheap project, a musical stage version of Fassbinder´s Whitey. O and least i forget Bruce La Bruce has rounded up a lovesexy cast of exuberant lusty youthquakers. Watch out boxoffice!

OU DU PIMENT DANS LÉAU DE ROSE
Incredible dinner at Fearlesss Leader Suzi Su´s with NYC experimental film royalty Sherry Millner and Ernie Larson, also Kembra of VHKB, who is in New York filming Otto, or Up With Dead People, Bruce LaBruce´s new zombie flicker, and Tim Blue. Spirited intellectually stimulating conversations abound.
The salon of Suzi is becoming the Berlin Dinette Set, a smaller version of the infamous Algonquin round table.
Spent most of the day with Kembra whose brilliance always keeps me well illuminated. Kembra speaks fluent German. Who knew?
My Club Sucker regulars, dinge queen delight Marvina Jones, Dan the Man-o-War, tuetonic raised ginger Lewis and juice monger Jeff took me out for din din and dwinks in the gay ghetto of Nollendorky plotz. So great seeing these boys outside of icky Los Ang. Club Sucker really had an affect on a generation of LA kids who got beer soaked and thromboned during that raucacus moment of the qway 90s.
Went to Arsenal for the screening of Sherry and Ernie´s award winning shorts, "Disaster" 1976 "41 Shots" 1999 "The Art of Protective Coloration" 1992 and their work-in-progress "Sight Gags" What an event! What great filmmaking genius!
During the Q&A the couple put out the word that they are looking for short films to screen from their 23rd Street windows in Chelsea. Taking in this hot scene: Wilhelm Hein and photog gal pal Annette Frick. Evie of the b books kollective, the lovely Stephanie and Nanna H. the main ladies of the Sony Centre, humpy kunstlers Christopher Mayer and Michael Sailstorfer, who both have big crushes on Tim Blue of Cheap, designers Clemens Weisshaar and Joe Corre of Agent Provacateur with his mother Vivienne Westwood, internet unternehoner Lars Hinrichs who was trying in vain to get the lady Ms. Davis to go out with him, and muscular Greek tycoon Vasily.