HOLLUNDER
Bregenz, Austria is a small town of under 20,000 people off of one of the largest lakes in all europa. I äm a young girl in the provinces, and that became stingly clear as the Gelitin crew and I were cavorting in the third floor homo moderne Kunthshaus volcanic mud slide room in their new museo piece Chinese Synthese Leberkäse.
The local yocalti had a twitchy nigger fit and became disturbed by our romper stomper ala naturelle. I quoteth, "we`ve never seen men and women being naked in that way and its upsetting to us." The Jurgen Bruning look-a-like curator also reported that these village workmen are refusing to set foot in the gallery if such displays continue.
i missed the opportunity to take a break from installing to visit ole crazy king Ludvig of Bavaria´s castle. i just can´t handle a long car ride without getting sick. Gabrielle the statuesque nelly prince of judea Gelitin minister of information was driving, but i do not believe he knew where to go exactly. i am sure that my fellow Angelenos Dame Darcy and Sean deLear along with Mexican beauty princessa Sara Montiel Glaxia, the pal of junky below the border film icon and hungthrob Diego Luna and paramour to art star Raymond Pettibone would have a nicer trip without my contact whining and need to relieve my pea bladder.
Yesterday after a full days love labour lost we relaxed at the co-sexúal lake spa for some tender bovine care.
The Gelitin boys are superstars. Their notorious World Trade Center intervention right before 9-11 first brought them international curiosity, and this new piece that i´m part of is sure to become a modern scandale.

VIEGER SANCTION
Mr. Guy Trebay, the patrician journalist with the New York Times, New Yorker,Vanity Fair and Conde Nast Traveler took me to dine at a scrumpt devore bistro on 9th Street. Our morose waiter was dourly amusing, and the restaurant owner charming and attentive with his Adolphe Menjou mustache. I loved hearing about Mr. Trebay´s travels to Dubai, Oman and the Michael Jackson principality of Bahrain (spelling?)
Trebay and Davis together and its all about getting gertie´s giggling garter.
Azo of nyu video dept gave me a bon voyage bruncheon at the French Roast on 6th Avenue. joining us Billy Miller, Finnish artist Eija Lisa Ahtila who just won some prestigious arte mundi prizet, Aerin Lauder Zinterhofer and Gabby Karan DeFelice. Of course i had to keep the girls from power bitching each other to death which was a bit taxing.
o and i forgot to mention that after dins with mr. trebay, i bumped into glenn belverio and his st. martins press editor of his new tome "confessions from the velvet ropes". they had just dined with Bruce Benderson, his bubbly gallic gamine writer friend Tsipi Keller and bon vivant heiress Cory. The group dragged me to the 40 year anniversary party of Patricia Field at Capitale on Bowery. Not a great soiree by any means but it was sweet running into my old la gangla of nurse lauren pine, jeff gardner, scott ewahlt who is now going out with michael of the former big dicked power couple of the early 90s michael and andrew sears, (nee sears-roebucks)
and it was a hootel seeing and chatting with mz. understood, that connie girl, kenny kenny, richie rich, and xavier.

THE UNIVERSAL URGE
To smell a fart, so spake the great John Waters at the taping i attended with my NYU video art professor pal Azo. Mr. Waters' monologue consisted of some of his banter from his Christmas show, but all done in an easyflowing conversational manner, which never comes across as rehearsed shtick. A packed house at a lower manhattan community theatre, the Henry Street Settlement. Sitting next to Azo and I was the legendary Waters' production designer/art director Vincente Perrini who has been with Mr. Agua since Multiple Maniacs, and besides designing the spare stage set also works in the mainstream with the HBO TV show Wired. Mr. Perrini's long on the tooth hustler boyfriend sat next to him but didn't contribute to the conversation.
I didn't quite catch why his lecture was being filmed, but it was a pleasant evening, the only blight being a gaggle of oportunists who used the Q&A portion of the event to wrangle a job, but John Waters dodged the Eve Harringtons with grace and class.
I DJ'd the Weimar New York Earl Dax event at Joe's Pub. Lots of fun. Joe's is a sublime space, and Earl is one of the hardest working promoters in new york. When does he find time to sleep? Backstage was reunited with sexy and commanding Flotilla DeBarge who will be starring on Broadway opposite Alan Cummings in the revival of The Three Penny Opera. No one deserves success more then my lady Flo.
Met Julie Atlas Muse, the burlesque starina who perfectly began the nights festivities with rousing visual flair. Great seeing scintilating Theo of the Luna Chicks, Adam Dugas who is part of the cabaret kollective Citizen Band and co-hostess Shari Vine looking just like Joan Blondell. I was really impressed by a woman who played the accordian and sang in a fantastically choppy manner. She was definately one of my favorite performers, but i didn't catch her name.
My entourage included Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU and his cute lookalike cousin Albert De Acosta, Billy Miller of STH, Slovenian art dreamboat Davide Grassi and the divine Nicole Blackman. Joining us later was Bruce Benderson, Glenn Belverio, Slava Mogutin and his hot beau Brian. The celebs in the audience were Elaine Stritch, John Lurie and Sylvia Miles.
I met with my delightful Bricktops Takes Manhattan students from NYU at Michael Casselli's class. The Kidz have so many brilliant ideas, and Michael has really inspired them with his brilliance. Michael did the best room at Platinum Oasis, an electrical bunker, that people still talk about, and its been almost 5 years.
Ran around with my Israeli pop star son Jonathan Berger, shooting the proverbial breeze with Adrian and Nathan of the Grimm Rosenfeld Gallery and also hanging with John Connelly and company at John Connelly Presents. Of course i had to see my girl Lia G. of Participant, and she remains one of New York's most striking beauties. Its all been such a whirlwind, but i must mention that i did attend an Al Hansen exhibit at the Andrea Rosen Gallery in Chelsea. Bibbe Hansen his gorgeous daughter looked younger then ever, and her boytoy chicano husband Sean Carrillo was working latin dapperness. Got to hang outside the gallery with one of my ex-Cholita's Tallulah Banketa, who has the cutest child with devlish grey eyes. Yes one of my Cholita girls did get The PREGGERS!!!!

PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH
Swarthmore College is lovely. Ashton House which I've renamed Ashy House is a campus guest residence for visiting dignitaries. I have a cozy room in the large stone manor, with lots of windows and a wraparound balcony. The place has the feel of a mortuary, and i wind up turning into a corpse after my first night---not able to sleep because its too damn quiet and peaceful. I'm an urban lady and i need lots of gunshots and buzzing helicopters overhead to get a proper rest.
The students are friendly and eager to open their young minds to all sorts of possibilities. This is very refreshing as most college students these days are completely blank----they only go to school because its a necessity to have a decent paying job. I adore the Swatty's. They are truelly uncommon women & others, to quote ms. Wendy Wasserstein. As i trolled the campus i noticed lots of humpy bucks in short shorts and flip flips in the cold 39 degree weather. yummy eye candy abounding.
Sublime dinner with the Sager Symposium planning committee that included students and main senior organizer Harris Kornstein who is so dear at 22 years of age with peaches n cream complexion and a liza with a Z personality. i guess i'm still relevant to young people, even though i'm a grandmother. i was personally picked by the students as a visiting artist and there was no faculty or administrative elements involved. The generous funding came mainly from Mr. Sager who i gather is a wealthy gay man of considerable WASP family means. Good for him.
I had a wonderful conversation with Siobhan Brooks, an imposing black sistah girlfriend and tyro academe, as well as the engagingly personable writer Laura Kipnis, who gave me a copy of her hit book Against Love. I can't wait to read it on the plane to Austria.
My presentation went very well and was packed to the rafters. My lecture performance took place at Upper Tarble a massive and beautiful hall that looks like a gothica cathedral. Afterwards i partied till 4am with the children and drank mountain liquor from the still of these hot juicy straight boys all packing large swinging packages in their pants. I always go cockoo for youthful caucasion cock. The kids also showered me and Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts with presents that included collage art, sculpture, kolonopin, xanax and valium for my continuing air travels. Thank you all my beauties, i love you forever. remember your bung holes never stink.
The train ride to man!hattan was pretty and my companion Ms. Kipnis was utterly delighful. I'm so glad i got to spend quality time with her. In New York legendary writers Bruce Benderson and Glenn Belverio treated me to a fancy dinner at the east village french bistro Leon on 12th Street. The food was incredible and lots of booty pies at the bar. Then they took me drinking at what use to be the Wonder Bar, but is now dolled up in Soviet drag with awful dj music and a shirtless big titty male bar maid who was really obvious. Later in the week I'll get to meet Bruce Benderson's new french boyfriend Cyrille Thouvenin who is a Cesar award winning young actor, who is beyond major ms. gorgeous.
The next morn Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU took me for a high french champagne bruncheon. Professor Jose and i were able to catch-up latino girlfriend style----she really takes care of la princessa. I'm very needy and i demand lots of pampering from all my gifted and talented superstar pals.

PASSA BLANC
Because of popular demand i'm posting some of the raw materials of my illustrious interviews from the prestigious international fashion and arts quarterly Zoo
Magazine. Zoo is published in the Netherlands and is in English and German with editorial offices in Paris. The English language editor is the famed Rebecca Voight who also edited Dutch Magazine, that I also use to write for. I begin this series with my interview with Joel Gibb of the acclaimed Toronto band, The Hidden Cameras. Enjoy.

Ms. Davis: Hey Darling, here are some comments for you to entertain. feel free to run with it in any direction thats suits your comely nature Here we go----Meeting you was one of my all time thrills. Its something about you Canucks i find thrilling, most of my best friends are Canadians and there seems to be something about the North that produces talented individuals with an unflinching zest for life that is so different from their puritan bretheran in the US of A. Is this something you've noticed as well? You Canadians are definately crazy, but its in a creative, fertile way. All my favorite film directors like Bruce "Judy" LaBruce, Robert Altman, David Cronenberg, Etom Whatever his name that directed The Sweet Hereafter and artists like you, Rufus Wainwright and Peaches who now lives in Berlin. Is there something in your distilled water?

Joel Gibb: I do agree that for such a small population there are a lot of creative Canadians, you didn't even mention all the million-selling female singers and virtually ALL the famous north american comedians as well, i think it's that we are outsiders a bit culturally so we work harder then what is expected.

VD: I think i feel a connection with you because we're both outsiders. Both > loners to a certain extent. On the surface we seem extroverted, but when you peel the layers back we're both introverts and quite solitary. I see that you're very observant of your surroundings, always making mental notes, or perhaps you take physical notes for ideas in your songs and art work. You're definately a consumate artist on every level. What is your art manifest? Do you have a Mr. Gibb S.C.U.M. Manifesto?

JG: I agree with your analysis, I am ususaly very extroverted but can also be very quiet and observant. I don'' think i have a manifesto though, i mean I'm
sure i do, but i never put it into words or anything.I try not to put any imitations on what i can do either lyrically or even the medium in which I make
art. I try to make up my own rules for my art. But my rules are random and based on instinct you know?

VD: Not to get personal, but what is your background? Are you mulatto?, the product of former runaway slaves into Canada that just decided to pass for white because they were so high yellow. There is something that is soooo Negro about you. What do your parents do for a living?

JG: My dad is an accountant and my mom is a social worker,no i am not black at all I am almost 100% Scottish.But from like 150 years ago.

VD: Do you have sibblings? An older sister and a younger brother Have you
impregnated anyone lately.
JG: No but i was asked once and regret not doing it.
VD: I'm sure there are lots of ladies who would like to have your child. Even though i find you incredibly handsome. You're not an easy sell to most people.
Your looks are quirky, and those John Wayne Gacy eyes! Of course if you were a typical goodlooking man, you wouldn't have the scope and depth that you possess. You'd be happy to be anywhere. You're not that simple. Your're complicated. You remind of the 20th Century Fox contract player from the 40s John Payne. A little bit of him and the paramount pictures silent film star Richard Arlen, known for not wearing the awful pancake makeup of the day and going for a more natural look.
I take it that you came from this suburban background. I'm an urban gal, so i have a hard time understanding what its like in suburbia and then add to that suburbia in Canada. What do you care to relay about your childhood practices and yucky secrets. Are there abuse issues? Just kidding,unless there were, then give me the T!
JG:Never was abused at all in any way, In university though i kind of wanted something inapropriate to happen but no, nothing!!!!
VD:You must have been self possessed at an early age. Sure of your place in the world with a early visionary path laid before you. Of course having friends and playing hockey wasn't part of your tract. You knew you didn't fit in and you were right with that i'm sure.
JG: I knew i was different but as far as forseeing my future no. I really liked music that is all i knew.
VD: Are you doomed to be alone forever? At best you'll only have little tiny love affairs ----catch as catch can. No one will be able to handle your genius, and they will be a hinderance anyway. That fate use to bother me when i was younger, but now that I'm ancient, I've accepted it as my destiny. Something tells me that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s ,40s, 50s you won't mind that, its something you can easily accept as part of the overall package.

JG: Ok now i think this is you trying to project yourself on me. Or maybe I am denying my unavoidable fate? I am a very romantic guy and am very capable of being with one guy for a long time. Now the fact that i have been single for 2 years says another thing. I like to say that I am waiting for Mr Right and you can't produce
him when you want. He will just fall on your lap when you least expect it, and since i'm expecting this all the time it kind of foils my plans. It's also fun
being single and meeting guys all the time and fantacizing about a new guy every day.
VD: I find that part of the sacrifice of being a great artist is that you'll live life in an unconventional manner outside of the norms of regular society and its dictates. You're probably a little bit of a sex freak as well. I could see you being a jelly queen, or a jowls queen.
JG: what is a jelly queen! sounds fun. a jowls queen sounds fun too.
VD: getting into that kind of transgressive sexuality. Being with cute boys is phun, but can be a bit tedious and you are also so way beyond sex. Your religious background obviously plays a crucial role in your art. Your music is spiritual, your songs are anglo negro spirituals. You're really a modern day Paul Robeson-----so very Deep River. Of course get ready for the persecution that Paul Robeson received. Thats headed your way as well. I think you've girded your loins in preperation for all that will undoubtedly be unleased upon you once the fervor of your talents are upwinded into the mainstream consciousness. Your successes have been slow and steady, which i think is best. You won't burn out so quickly and won't suffer the backlash of the evil corporate media structure, that loves to make and break artists just for amusement. You're such a prestige artist. If this was the late 70s or early 80s you'd be signed to a major label like a Joan Armatrading and you'd be their prestige project that gives the label clout and shows that they aren't about just selling millions of records. I believe that you could also sell millions of records, and by not changing a thing in what you do. The music buying public is growing weary of the mediocre and i think you'll stand out and those heady millions will flock to you.
JG:I hink the public is getting dumber and dumber actuallly, just take a look at the degredation of punkrock, look at what teens are consuming right now it is
like a copy of a copy of a copy of something rebellious. IT sucks. is there even an underground? I don't think so
(to be continued)

11 HARROW HOUSE
McDonna has her big white Nina Blanchard panties all in a bunch over my relationship with Stuart Price who has helped the immaterial girl with her well orchestrated pop comebackula. My daliance with Mr. Price is really nothing for her to get Cameron Manheim steamrolled over. The lanky Mr. P just wants to work with my Berlin based post politikal/proto Marxist art band Ruth Fischer. I already let him know that I was working with producer Mickey One Haves of the Super 700, and that Stuart's production services were not needed. We can still be occasional pluck buddies though, as he has a nice cruel club caucasion cock. But Lady Ray of Unnatural Light also has dibs on his very hefty member, so she is on the war path with me both creatively and coitally. I’m sorry but Mrs. Ritchie needs to go back to her super well endowed husband, before he permanently retreats with that girl from the band Elastica. Am i gossiping? No i don't believe in gossip.
I hate people who are never satisfied with what they have. She wanted kids, and a big dick posh English husband (who pretends he's working class) and she has them, now appreciate it.
Remember people, No one wants to see a movie with Madonna in it.

THE CRENSHAW ROSE
Having another romantic dinner with Marc Rothemund, the sexy director of the Oscar nominated German film Sophie Scholl-The Final Days. Met smolderingly hot Marc through one of his films stars Fabian Hinrichs who plays Hans Scholl in the movie. Fabian is sweet, and has a large penis, but he's a little too young for me, while Marc is 37 which makes him perfect. Lets see how far this relationship progresses. Wish me pluck.

WAY DOWN NIARCHOS
Was propositioned by the young shipping heir Stavros Niarchos. Cute kid, but i'm not exactly in to him no matter how large his heavy genitals are. But this other radiant youth Talan Torriero, who is being very aggressive in his attempts to woo the doll---- i could see myself chug-a-lugging on his hefty package. But at the moment i remain a very good girlie. Had dinner with Mr. Torriero and had him take me to see the film Tristram Shandy. I'm sure that alone has scared him away, which is fine with me. I'd rather be with the Hasidic reggae singer Matisyahu. What is it with orthodox jews and drag queens---I'm always attracting them. What do they see in me. Also, i hate reggae.
Flemming Rose the Danish journalist who is involved in the latest international conflict interviewed me years ago in connection with being a black artist who went through the LA Riots of '92. Thought he was extremely handsome, and we had a bit of a tryst at the Hollywood Rosevelt Hotel. He recently contacted me and is living in exile at a hotel in Man!hattan. Told him i'd soon be in New York, and we will rendevous. More on that later.

WONDER BRUXE
Introduced the amazing Bruce Benderson at his reading at Difficult Light Bookstore on Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood. I was surprised that the place still had readings, as it looks like its just a gay gift shop and not a book store at all. Before the reading Bruxe, hot photog Dino Dinco and I had drinks and oogled hustlers at The Spotlight Pub. Met the wonderful Alison Pearlman who is a professor of art at Polytechnic University in Pomona. Alison comes from a famed east coast academic family. Bruxe’s excerpt from his new book The Romanian, was flawless. He is an excellent reader, and held the audience spellbound. Bruxe is the first American writer to win the distinguished French Literary prize The Prix de Flore. ]
Why is tired David Sedaris so famous? Bruxe has triple the talent. O I know why David is so successful. He’s risen to the highest levels of mediocrity and thats always rewarded in the US of A.
After the reading Bruce, Dino and I were joined by Jason El Norte for dinner at Numbers. The hustler pickings were pretty slim at this upscale courtesan bistro, but we had a joyous evening creating our own merriment.

CYNOSURE
Vaginal Davis is in urgent need of a generous art patron. Yes! that could be you.
I'd like an honorarium or stipend of only $9000 a year, so that i continue in my celebrated art practice. The ideal candidate would be a new technologies dork who would like to add some credibility to his plate and establish a brand in the philantropic world. All interested parties should contact Vaginal Davis' assistant Gleeson Brevard at GleeBrevard@aol.com for an audience with the divine Ms. D.
ROTAGRAVURE
Was away at a writers retreat in the Santa Sarita Hills, came back in time to go to the soiree given by legend's legend Tommy Gear of The Screamers at his gorgeous Koreatown(Serrano & San Marino) townhouse. The gathering was in honor of Thomas Allen Harris whose new film was being screened at the Pan African Film Festival.
Had a nice conversation with Tommy's new roommate who has lived for 17 years in India, and met a woman who just turned 103 years of age. She was quite alert and miraculously unwrinkled. Black don't crack. Lots of other sweet and charming people. Tommy always puts on the best shindigs.

MAMA DIASPORA
Hung out with the brilliantine Brian Grillo, one of LA's great beauties and talents. I go back over 20 odd years with Brian, and he is a Los Ang treasure. We cruised the Hollywood/Ivar Farmers Market checking out and commenting on the boyganza and cute young fathers that crowd the place. Ran into famous novelist Lisa Teasley and her posse that included daugher Imogene and hunky boyfriend Daniel. Lisa's sizzling new book is called Heat Signature--great title! and I'm sure Oprah is going to choose it for her Book Club.
After getting some sugar from Lisa & Co, Brian and i ate some yummy tamales and had more then a couple of drinks at the Spotlight Pub, the last of the original John Rechy style hustler bars on the Cahuenga/Selma corridor. You know I'm a major alcoholica if i'm drinking at 2:30pm, but i don't care. It was a hoot seeing the hustlers afternoon shenanigans. One little fugly but muscular feller was getting shrimped by some sad sack older Latino man who looked like Tony Orlando. Maybe it was Tony Orlando, Actor Keifer Sutherland has been spending time at the Spotlight, so anything is possible there.
***
Had lunch with Dino Dinco, the juicy photographer who sports a very pronounced taste for latino men. Yes Dino is Cookoo for coco cocks. We had lunch at this adorable cafe across from MacArthur Park and ran into Lisa Teasley's cute sister Erika who is a successful lawyer. Lisa and her sister come from a very prominent LA black politico family. Their parents are pals with all the leading civil rights figures and hobnob with Washington elite. Erika has the most adorable young son. I'm so out of it, that I didn't even know she was married.
Dino and I then went to the Wiltern Theatre to interview Eugene Hutz of the New York based Gypsy Punk concern Gogol Bordello. Eugene is also the star, or rather scene stealer of the film Everything is Illuminated. He is major Ms. Gorgeous. I wanted to be his sperm receptacle, which made it a little difficult to focus as i was interviewing him. He is so lean with not one ounce of fat on that smoldering wwhite Ukraine body of his. Thinly muscular boys like Eugene are always packing cruel club cocks. Its refreshing interviewing someone who is so comfortable in their pigskin, and has become a success without turning into a complete careerist boar.
Later that evening i returned to see the show and i was left in a state of extreme ecstasis, especially when Eugene took off his shirt. He was on a strange bill that featured the icky band Cake, Sara & Tegan, who i guess are the new Indigo Girls, and some comedian i could have done without. Thank god Gogol went on second. The minute they finished i ran out of the sterile Wiltern Theatre. Not one of my favorite venues. Expensive drinks and ugly staff. I remember when the Wiltern was a second run movie house that was almost demolished in the 1970s. I'm glad it still exists, but i wish the place was run better.

THINK LOCALLY, FUCK GLOBALLY
I always enjoy my correspondences from around the world. The snail mail and email. The very best emugs always come from that legends legend Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. Must share with you his most recent casual writing genius.

vaginal vaginal vaginal. yes i?m back in stupid toronto. i?ve been back for a week now, but i?m sort of out of sorts. i can?t seem to get anything accomplished. it always takes me so long to decompress and get back into my normal life after an extended trip abroad. you know what i?m sayin? i have been going to the gym every day, which is good, because i was starting to turn into the life and death of colonel blimp. tony my boyfriend is still staying with me. he?s waiting to get into a govt. subsidized apartment. i have so much work to do but by the time i get up, eat, read my periodicals on the internet, bathe, go to the gym, come home, answer emails, watch television, and spend time with the bf, there?s no time left to do anything else and i?m too tired anyway. so what?s the point? of living? i have to write this article for black book about my lawsuit, and i have to talk to some friends of tony about che guevera, so i better get to it. i?m going down to new york for benderson?s party next thursday ? don?t tell him, i want to upstage ? er, i mean surprise ? him. maybe i?ll show up as jt leroy. the rest of my trip to berlin was productive. i had a bunch of events. the best one was with gottfried ensslin, the gay brother of gudrun. he recently published the letters that his sister wrote to him while she was in stammheim prison. he contacted jurgen and susanne and arranged an event where susanne read from the letters, followed by a screening of rasp reich and a discussion with me. all very german. gottfried had mixed feelings about the movie when he first saw it, but now he loves it and says there are a lot of parallels with the letters. he's really funny. the letters in the seventies inspired him to break into and vandalize the berlin stock exchange while on LSD! he was caught, but for some reason they went easy on him. the gay community criticized him - for acting alone! he's still quite an interesting kind of activist. he supports bisexuality. don?t we all. ok i got to go eat the dinner that tony has prepared while watching american idol. susanne and i also met with mathias lilienthal of the Hebbel Theatre several times and it looks like the play, i wrote "They Saved Ulrike's Brain" may happen, so brush up on your angela davis. xxx blab

dear: yes the human sexual drive is a relentless hooker above all things. but don’t be too robert downey jr. on yourself for succumbing to the urge to gawk at youthful beauty. they should be thankful that anyone is looking at them at all in the flower of their youth of today because after all tomorrow’s parties no one is going to pay them any mind at all and they will wish they had bathed in their glory while they had the chance. it’s so romantic that you went to see a melvyn douglas movie in spite of, or perhaps because of, your desperality. i love melvyn douglas. he was such a rake’s progress. today is saturday. all day. my bf tony is in hamilton for the weekend, do-doing that voodooing that he do so well. apparently there’s a turtle on the block this weekend. don’t worry about being singular. being in a relationship isn’t that great shakes either. the worst part about it is that it takes up so much of your time! i mean, i’m exasperated by the fact that tony has been living with me for the last two months because he got kicked out of his last apartment and he’s looking for a new one. but i do find it difficult to sustain a relationship, to be engaged all the time, to balance the personal and the professional. play and work. anyway, hammas might be a good alternative for us. let’s go to palestine and live out the rest of our lives as mujahadeen. ok i gotta go get a tattoo. chins up. x blab

UNDERDOG WORLD STRIKE
Back in tired Los Angeles---yuk. After the amazing successes in Berlin, it feels very stale here. Looking forward to interviewing that Ukraine stud Eugene Hutz of the Romany band Gogol Bordello for Zoo Magazine. The publicist just got back to me and I'll be interviewing them on Tuesday Jan 31st for their show at the Wiltern Theatre where they are opening up for that asphalt dullard white boy band Cake. Gorgeous Dino Dinco will be taking the photos.
Just received a sweet emug from my Berlin husband Timothy Blue:

A note to say first off that I love you! Secondly, I am two pages of poor
handwriting into an actual letter to you (I am "slow") It is like 20 below
here, but sooo lovely. I walked across the water like Jesus at the sex
park. Unlike jesus, people were ice skating around me. It is a Stalinist
wind around us, as the weather front emanates from the former USSR. Seems
the Red ghosts want to freeze out the Brownshirts.

I want you here.

Teem

Tim is so insightful, and did i forget to mention he is a genius with the music and video images he creates for the Cheap Kollective. I'm so happy i got to spend a lot of quality time with him, and of course i loved hearing all his stories about the old punk rock days in Portland Oregon, with Kitty Diggens, Courtney Love and Gus Van Sant. It seems that everyone use to score drugs at Gus' place from a portly sexual predator, who of course gave free narcotics to the hot punque boys who traded their sexual favours.
***
and people think I'm bizarre. Was at the Bev Hills library researching some NY Times articles and saw a gigantic homeless black man, taller then me with a beard and stache wearing a red Vidal Sassoon bob wig and a crazed deconstructed camouflage patchwork dress complete with an elaborate fishtail train. Talk about schitzo haute couture. His look worked in an odd and compeling way, and I'm happy to report he was wearing proper foundation garments.
Billy Miller of STH/Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts told me in November that there is this homeless man who rules Greenwich Village in some of the most insanely creative outfits imaginable.

CLASSE TOUS RISQUES
Never forget that Vaginal Davis is always testing you to see just what kind of animal you really are. Ms. Davis is one woman you can't fool---she's a druid wiccan sorceress with mighty powers. To be Vaginal Davis' friend you must dedicate your life to her. If not, you are her bitter enemy and will be eradicated, destroyed in a current of Madame Mao wrath. You' ve been officially served and warned.
Gordon Raphael, who produces the Strokes, also produces the German band super 700, that features my Ruth Fischer drummer Ebedette and her twin sisters. Just found out that Mr. Raphael was also at the amazing Cheap Silvester party i hosted.
I've been invited along with Cheap kollective to do an installation at this big arts festival in Graz, Austria in the fall. I've never been to Austria, so i'm definately looking forward to experiencing a different taste sensation of Germanic penile flavour.

DIE GIBT ES IN BERLIN WIE SAND AM MEER. . .
I live the most unusual life, received a formal invitation to dine with a Prince. My horoscope did say i was going to attract some unusual men into my life, but I certainly wasn't expecting this. Austria's Prince Max Shaunberg-Lipp saw me perform at the Cheap Silvester Party and now wants to have a private audience with the doll.

WEISSE SIND NIE WEISS GENUG, HONEY!
Vaginal Davis and the Berlin kollektive Cheap have done it again. The Silvester/New Years Eve Bachanal and Art Party was a huge roaring 4-penil pronged beasty of a success. There is a lot of competition for Silvester, which is what the Germans call New Year’s Eve. I guess the name Silvester comes from St. Silvester, not the "You Make Me Feel" disco singer. All I know is that it was fantastic spending the entire holiday season away from the USA.
My new rock music art band Ruth Fischer delighted the throngs. Some executives from Universal Music/Deutchland have expressed interest in releasing our first album, "Sexual Ethics and Communism" Our producer Mickey One is young and very cute with humongous talents and a very big brain. His girlfriend is our gorgeous Albanian drummer Ibedette, who never played drums before this gig. Ebedette is the lead singer in Mickey’s other music project The Super 700’s who are signed to a big European label. Everyone in the band learned to play their instrument while working on the project, including Ms. Davis herself, who besides lead singer chores played bass guitar on the song "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been"
In response to the myriad of emails asking me for the lyrics to our new songs, you will find them below:

Was Ist Party?

I like a party I go to party and I will party 2nite
I like a party a party party and will party 2nite all night
tis more to life then party
what is party?
Why is party?
And if I cry at party?
Was ist party?
warum ist party?

Kill To Let Die

I kill you
you die, you don’t die fast enough
I shoot you in the head
the blood goes everywhere
I shoot you in the head
the blood goes in my eye
stinging and blinding me

Angie Eats Condi

Got to get 2gether
staytogether, good, bad, whatever
ja, ja, ja

battles of the past rest
battles fought right out
translantic partnership
greed, mistrust and doubt

angie loves condi
so like maggie
she’s so ugly
hot like brandy
angie eats condi
not on Monday
angie loves candy
so like maggie

you and me darling dinge and snow
salty pepper, now u know
wicked witch of the east
black burdensome beast
11 percent unemployment
trimming costly fat

Anarchy of the Imagination

gdr, plo
sos, no means no
nbc, trl
phd, you and me

anarchy of the imagination
o despair o desp
the painful search
albeit obliteration
for something in motion and courage
to recognize utopia and to open yourself up to
however poor it may be of these things I tell in song

the book of Ruth to tell the truth
the power of three will set us free

Bruce "Judy" LaBruce did one of his infamous live aktionist shoots, this time the theme was Baby New Year and he proceeded along with the help of an actual midwife who powdered and diapered a series of young men and women while Bruce and the crowd documented. Later I found out that some of the German intelligentcia were quite shocked by this tame representation of infantilism. It may seem like Germans are wild, but deep down they are very conservative, which I’m constantly forgetting.
My daughter, Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer with her new troupe of boys and girls really gave the audience some sexy tight visuals to nurse on. Michele has the potential to conquer Europa.
Speaking of visuals, avante garde filmmaker Wilheim Hein’s wonderful film projections were the decor of the party, and it was great having him and girlfriend/photographer Annette Frick cheering me on during my opening DJ slot. Lots of people asked me what music I was playing. Well my play list included: Gogol Bordello, King Britt doing Sister Gertrude Morgan, The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, Shampoo, Jonathan FireEater, Lee Bowry’s Minty, Belle & Sebastian, The Hidden Cameras, Sandy Shaw, Strawberry Switchblade, Pig Bag, Rip Rig & Panic, The Fun Boy Three, Purse and early Destiny’s Child, and Mary J. Blige.
Designing outfits for me and the entire Ruth Fischer band was the supremely talented young Belgian couturier Koen Claerhoot and doing our makeup and hair, the genius of Andres Bernhardt, who was once Thierry Mugler’s main face painter and hair hopper. Also performing was legendary chanteuse Xaxie de Paris and DJ’s Nancy from the Cheap kolective and The b. books anarchist bookshop and filmworks galaxy of DJ stars who kept the party going until 9am the next morning. One aspect of the party that really enchanted the guests was our Sexual Repulsive Lounge and Heavy Petting Area with appropriate porno images from the 70s. Someone complained that we were spreading Mrs. AIDS by showing the condomless blue straight and gay calistenics from the pre video era. And our phunky nail salon managed by the great Italian art star Allessio, the beautiful Evie and hung hearthrob and beauty boy Konstantin aka Achmed was one of the evenings major musts. By 4am everyone seemed to be sporting long nails, with appliques and jewels dangling.
My usual Europa assistant Andreas Novarin who lives in London, couldn’t help me on this trip because his Italian passport expired and the Embassy couldn’t or wouldn’t renew it in time, so Israeli joy boy Assaf Hoffman stepped in and was a delight. He also was acting as my personal papparrazo.
The hot celebs attending the party included Franka Potenta, who goes to the opening of a bag of chips, Daniel Bruel and Diane Kruger, producer Jurgen Bruning, lovely French film ingenue Louis Garrel whose posse got into a fight with Joel Gibb of Canada’s Hidden Cameras and his Norweigan opera prodigy beau Steffan. Sexy New Yorker Nathan Fuhr, the young ex-lover of Hannah Hurtzig was checking out our scene in true John Knowles Nosferato collector mode. The biggest celeb in attendance was the divine Verushka, who has moved back to Berlin after years as a Brooklyn recluse.

A few days after New Years I was invited to lecture at the Institut Dienstag/Free University. Since it was so soon after the holidays I didn’t expect many students to show up. Neither did professor Marcu Siegel whose seminar Queer Theory und Film was the banner my presentation was under. Surprise, Surprise, but there were almost 100 people jammed into a very small lecture theatre. I was a little excrement for brains, being that it was 10am, but things seemed to go exceedingly well, and afterwards I was taken to brunch at a fancy trattatoria and some of the students even tagged along. One surprise at my lecture was this German man who knew my Club Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez from 20 years ago, and showed me pictures to prove it. Yowza! Once you have my lil papa Frank in your system you can never remove him.

A few days later celebrated Judy Labruce's birthday at a delicious dinner party given by Jurgen Bruning and his sweet roommate Gamma. Jurgen wants me to direct porno for his new company Wurst Films. I even came up with an idea for a flicker called Berlin Boydello.

Later the next week Wilheim Hein and Annette Frick hosted a little dinner soiree in my honor with a nice mixture of international young film people. I really enjoyed chatting with these two good looking Greek movie boys. Those Greeks are responsible for homosexuality as we know it today, so they have a lot to answer for.

LE BONHEUR
rehearsal with the ruth fischer band has been extroidinary. drummer ebadette is a gorgeous, vivacious albanian supermodel, and her darling beau michael is our musical arranger and producer of our first album, sexual ethics and communism.
susanne has become an expert bass player and tim blue a guitar godhead. marcu play xylaphone and daniela turntable, accordian and violin. lyrics to our hot new songs, was ist party, angie eats condi and kill and let die will be posted asap so stay tune.
having internet romance with cnn middle east correspondent anish ramen, who is a youthful beauty, and a big fan of queer punk rock and this very blog you are reading. cant wait to meet mr. ramen in the fleshly flesh for hot smelting.
journalista gossip: cnn palestinian reporter and cnn london news anchor max foster are longtime companionals of butted bliss. wow how is that for a scoop
successful dinner party at the cheap office cooked by yours and tim blue with celebrity guests Annette and Wilhelm Heim, the sexy avant garde film and photography couple. Assaf hoffman the hunky israeli dancer with catherine sullivan was a delightful addition to the group. lots of nig nog consumed with carmelized carrots the gastronomic hit.
went to white trash club to see my daughter michelle carr perform her dance of the black widow spider. michelle tore up the snotty sour german crowd out of its full blooom. my posse included artist davide grassi and humpy dork marco from slovenia making a conceptual art film, assaf as my escort, tim blue, tim ferris of celebrity skin fame, a cast of italians, australians, cheks and a pollack. quite the cosmopolitan group
christmas eve brunch with daniela ramona featuring his lover piero and friend daniela maria, the spanish show dancer who is touring germany in the dull musical cats.
met with famed iraqi liberationist hannah and got the full scoop on fighting imperialism with the belgian tribunal. lady christmas dinner at suzi´s with nana of the berlin film festival, stephanie of the arsenal and hannah hurtzig, the german lois keidan
love the snow covering berlina
tis magic and the view from my boutique hotel johann is granada

ÜBERALL IST SCHÖNHEIT
Leave it to good ole "Flake" Gyllenhaul my new name for the Bareback, i mean Brokeback Mountain ingenue, who is also here in Berlina. Flake is very unreliable. We were supposed to have drinks together, but the pisser didnt call me at the appointed time, so your favorite diva is writing him off for good. I met the star a few months back at a special private screening of his movie that director Ang Lee arranged for cultural taste makers and social critics. Smart move on his part to work that very necessary word of mouth buzz. The film is brilliant, especially the musical score, and the performance of Aussie Heath Ledger. No praises for Flake, until he learns to give black drag queens more of his manly attentions in a timely fashion. Honey, I am one of the most powerful women in the world, and can make or break careers. I can use my sword both ways as Joan Crawford was fond of saying.

My Berlin husband Tim Blue of kollective Cheap has been taking care of all my lady needs of late. Tim cooks me delicious gourmet dinners, and whisks me to all the strumpet bars for eye candied gazing. I love you Timothy. I also love and worship Susanne Sachsee who i wrote about in the latest Zoo Magazine, which is now out on the stands and looks amazing with plastic surgery victimima Mickey Rourke on the cover. Buy it now.
Susanne is also a righteous cook and made a heavenly din din and bruncheon where i was able to meet my new band members for the Ruth Fischer project. These kids are so young and cute. I really adore hot hunky Steffan. He has rosy cheeks and peaches n cream complexion and a mighty, juicy round asstrovar. Yum. I bet his bussy(boy twat)
tastes fresh and scrumpteous.
Hung out with the lovely Joel Gibb of Canada´s Hidden Cameras. Joel is madly in love with a young opera prodigy from Norway. He and his new lover will be in Espana for a few days before returning to Berlin, where Joel has relocated permanently.
Its been snowing almost every day since arriving and me thinks this is the best place to spend the Kwanzalic holidays.

SUCK SEX IN THE CITY
I know some of the most amazing people. Here are two yummy pieces of correspondence from the famous international auteur Bruce "Judy" La Bruce, and the lovely and talented Miss Mary, Mary Pagone who is the guardian of the gate at Jean Spinosa’s new clubnite Wigout.

hi glamourpuss: glenn told me you are in new york painting the town amber valetta. i imagine you as missy elliot as king kong, tearing up the place. (do you believe miss peter jackson? she’s lost a tonne!) guess twat? i’m going to be in berlin for jew years. so i guess we’ll be having fun on jew years eve. joel is moving to berlin indefinitely in a few weeks, so he’ll be there too. should be a good mash up. i’ll be in berlin for two weeks starting dec 29th. also, my birthday is on january 3rd, in case anyone wants to throw me a party, hint hint. i’ll be 39.

i just got back from madrid and hong kong and madrid on sunday. what a trip! madrid has the hottest hustler bar in the world i’ve yet encountered. it’s called black and white, and it is eve plumb full to bursting with the hottest brazilian hos you can imagaine. they all look like hot latin cover boys. most of them have enormous arms and small wastes, like popeye, and calves like wooden wedges and they’re really handsome. some of them are from northern brazilia, so they’re virtually jubas. unfortunately none of them speaks english, but that didn’t slow me down much. actually the one i had a hot night with without having to pay him was this 26 year old portuguese guy who i didn’t know if he was truly hustler white or not. he spoke six languages and was way more sophisticated than the brazilians, so i didn’t know. he was my impromptu translator. turns out he’s more like an escort, like the paid companion type. we had a hot night of discos, bruce bailey quality coke, and nude tongue wrestling. i was in this crazy boutique hotel and my room theme was opium den, so we took our cue from that. very anne baxter in the razor’s edge. unfortunately he evaporated in the morning. hong kong was blow-minding. it’s so dense and glamorous. no suzy wong sex, but i had a blast. i went out with glenn’s friend frances, who has the hottest boyfriend ever, a korean handsome boy model named Song, if you will. i had a huge crush on him, especially after he took his shirt off in the underground club Darling Harbour. i have a new appreciation for the Asiatic strains. i have a hot case of bird flu. frances invited me to a party at the apartment of the guy who designs the lighting for all of hong kong. i told him he should check out palm springs if he wants to see good lighting. after ten days in hong kong, it was back to madrid for keifer sutherland (24). i finally broke down and allowed myself to be superhustled by the hottest brazilian at the bar, who could manage a little spanglish. worth every euro, i must say. one problem though. they all seem to have small feet. they’re a little top heavy. back to the grind in toronto. a got a little wee art grant, which puts a bandage on my hemhoraging debt. must grift harder. when are you going to berlin? x blab
***
Dearest Ms. Davis ~

Just wanted to tell you how utterly delightful the little things in life are to me. Like coming home on a cold (for Lost Angeles) evening to find a real honest to goodness postcard from NYC in my mailbox. Recognizing the little spidery handwriting and knowing my Ms. Davis is having a splendid time in the Big Apple (of Her Eye.)

So good to know that you are the toast of the town and having a ball. I sure do miss you, tho, and upon your arrival back to this fair city (well, I know you are OVAH Los Angeles, but I still see the glitter here and there), we really need to have a good old fashioned girly catch-up over dinner.

Miss you so much and wish you were here to laugh and carry on. Take good care of yourself and enjoy your travels.
Thanks again for the postcard!
xx0xx -
Miss Mary Mary

DER SEERAUBER
Autumn in New York gives me an existential charge. There is nothing like being in "The City" careening around the infinity sign of an Escherian beltway cloverleaf. I’m the guest of Performa 05, the first biennial of New Visual Art Performance, and brainchild of the mysterious Diane Von Furstenbergish RoseLee Goldberg.

Performa takes place throughout the isle at various galleries, spaces, and museos. The standouts being new work from Genesis P-Orridge, and Lady Jane, Coum Transmissions, Yoko Ono, Jesper Just, Michelle Handelman, Marina Abramovic, Christian Marclay, Gelatin, My Barbarian, Charles Atlas, Julie Tolentino, Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper presented by Eileen Myles, and yours so very truly.

Dreamy staying at the stately, infamous Chelsea Hotel, in a large room with marble floors and a fire place. So comfy and luxurious. Moved to a beautiful cacoon like lower east side flat of handsome matinee idol Tom Cole, which is closer to the Participant Inc. Gallery. Participant is run by hot teenage art czarina Lia Gang, the brightest, most formidable gallery director in the world, and et ella paisana who really knows how to take care of high maintenance divas like myself.

So many parties, receptions and events, so little time clock of the heart. Juicy Nancy Barton, sexy doctora Jose Munoz, and my favorite art child Jonathan Berger hosted a sumpteous gathering for me at the Art Department offices in the NYU Barney Building. NYU is bringing me back to New York in April/May where I’ll put on a Bricktops New York at Siberia and do workshops with the students. A hot gaggle of NYU students were my living sculptures in the Vanessa Beecroft piece that I presented. I just love me my NYU beauties. Thank you from the bottom of my black Beecroft heart.

Global editrix Glenn Belverio took me to a fancy dinner at this Francaise restaurant in the East Village. I ate lobster for the very first time---And I want more.

So glorious being able to hang out with Julie Tolentino, Killer, Conrad Ventur, John Sanchez, Patty Powers, Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy, Steve LaFreniere, Marina Rosenfeld and husband Roz, darling Billy Miller of Straight to Hell, who is my east coast guru, Genesis P-Orridge and her lovely d-cup breastage, Kembra of VHKB, Miss Astrid, Coco Fusco, Catherine Gund Saalfield, Bibbe Hansen & Sean Carrillo who are now living in Harlem. O and lest I forget Ms. Mia Farrow with Rosemary’s 13 brittle babies.

Special thank you’s to Earl Dax for my resplendid Maritime after party, Dr. Munoz and his Martha Stewart delish Village Vangaurd bruncheon and pretty birthday gal, Linda "Les" Simpson for writing a hot article on little me in Time Out New York.