QUOTATION FOR A RUINED CITY
New Orleans, the city of my Creole peoples. No one of my immediate family members live in that part of Louisiana anymore. They are all scattered to parts many and varied, but i do have some friends that were living in the French Quarter---the famed F2M Jake Miller and his girlfriend Elaine who owns a tatoo and piercing shop. I just got word that they escaped to friends in North Caroline, but i still haven't heard from one of my oldest pals Lisa Cohen and her daughter. Lisa is a South Afrikan artist who has lived in the Big Easy for almost ten years. I'm praying that she escaped.
Everyone should heed what is happening in the Gulf. Because when it comes to biblical disasters of epic porportions. Los Angeles is next, and mark my feral words: You ain't seen nothing yet. When it implodes here, it will be more devasting then one can ever imagine.
Got word that Steve-O, of the punk rock band The Vandals died of an overdose of Oxycotin, the heroinesque drug of choice by the wealthy and the powerful. Back in the 80s i shared some flirtatious times with Steve O and Mike Ness of Social Distortion. Ah the olde days . . . when white punk rock boys and black drag queens could take pleasure in each other.

Mari Kono came by to take my measurements for a dress she's having made for me that will be featured in a spectacular photoshoot we're going to do where i will portray Princess Ozma of the Fairyland of Oz. Later in the evening Mar'Lou de Luna and Hal Marinas came by to pick me up for dinner at Cafe De Village in Larchmont Village. Every few months MarLou and Hal treat me to a fancy din din and desert at the PDC. We always have a wonderful time full of laughs. Ran into Professor Doyle's next door neighbor, the cute blondine film school student Jason. He was with some droll look-a-like date, who gave me a weak dismissive handshake, and i swear this woman could pass for his sister. O who am i to judge someone else's incestuous love affair. Let he who is without sin cast the first Sharon Stone.

LESBIAN DECK BUILDING
I'm all moved out of my apartment on Hollywood Blvd and Bronson. The place is completely empty and yesterday i turned in my keys. I still haven't been paid my so-called relocation fee so that the stupid new owner can jack up the rent to market levels. This is the second apartment I've been gentrified out of in three years, which is the sorry state of Los Angeles circa 2005. There is some comfort that I'm not the only one who has had to be displaced.

The girl who owns the Silverlake boutique Pull My Daisy, has been through it 4 times i believe. She now lives up above the Eat Well Diner, and her new owner didn't make her move, but illegally charged her an extra $100 dollars. Mario Diaz of HOt Dog fame lives in the same complex, so the rent must be astronomical as he complained that he would not have moved there if Lenny Young,the icky owner of the Funeral Parlour had given him a warning that he was selling the bar. Mario was paying very cheap rent in the apartment building that he and Jackie Beat lived at off of Melrose near LACC and the Flex Compound.

Dadster Ron Athey helped me move the larger items, like my broken divan that i sleep on, and an Eames Chair. Daddy got all homo depot lesbiana on me at my studio, and started to rip out the ceiling panels which conceal that i have a good 5-10 feet extra space above. Of course a royal mess was made, that i was in no mood to clean up. Decided to hit the midnight trawl for their half-priced room special and next door to me was Marcus Bastida's ex law school pal, Erik-La,who i believe is still a closet case crooked junior politician from Northern California. I didn't recognize Erik-La as its been years since i've seen him haunting and staulking the saunas and back rooms of our fair Galinda. He's lost tons of weight and looks more rugged and i dare same somewhat butch realness handsome. The weight loss is probably from Crystal Meth usage. Well Miss Erik-La was carrying on with some Jubas Jubilee with a huge willis and bubble butteria. The two of them together must have gotten shanked by at least 20-25 mandingo warriors working a tag team effort. I thought they were lovers at first, but overhearing their loud drug deluseadaisial conversations i was able to daduse they just met that evening. What a laugh it brought me. I can remember when Erikla paid Rick Castro to take some pics of him so that he could start a modeling portfolio. He figured that even though he was dorky, his bland white looks could get him work on the catwalks of Japan.
Wednesday night I was treated to dinner by the lovely art couple Malik Gaines and Alex Segade of My Barbarian. Malik is a baby faced lovesexy mulatto, whose father is the famous black artist Charles Gaines. Alex has lovely, radiant skin, bright, short eyes and is a mixed CubanaRican/caucasoid mix. Along with pretty Jade Gordon, they have been performing consistently for the last few years, and have attracted a nice national following within the avant rock and performance art scenes. They've also created their own showcore movement, becoming more Bob Fosse/Liza with a Z, then Bob Fosse or Liza with her intact Z.
We had a wonderous time at dinner talking about the inanities of trying to do work in such a difficult climate here in Los Angeles, which offers very little in the way of support to creative folk. Its so juicy being around talented youngsters who are doing really new and magical things. Stuff that LA doesn't really deserve, because LA just takes and takes and gives nothing back. I have such a love/hate relationship with my city of birth so i won't bore you with my complaining. I just feel proud of the children like Malik, Alex and Jade that make me feel hopeful about the future. I'm olde and yesterdays news, thank god there are some youngbloods out there to take my place, who can really conquer.

GOAT ISLAND
Horrible heat wave rolls into Los Ang. I'm miserable in hot weather. Wasn't in the mood to hang out with french designer Hedi Slimane of Dior Homme who is in town for god knows what. Mr. Slimane is very sad eyed, but very cute and normally i would have felt like playing host to him. Last time i hung out with him in London when he was all wrapped up in the house of that junkie rock boy Pete Dougherty late of the band The Libertines. Peter is a charming messical and a lot taller then i thought he'd be, and packs quite a bulge in his pantaloons, which is why i believe he became the muse of Mr. Slimane. English boys with big peni get to go far in this world.
Had a very sweet post birthday din din with the delightful and talented young artist Cory Marie. We ate at the Kitchen in Silverlake -- yes, two pretty teenage girls just hanging out and looking good.
Met handsome latin hungthrob Cesar Vega at the Brite Spot for breaky. That Cesar has some nalgas on him. You can build a dream on that bubble butt. The boy is quite an entrepreneur. He's starting his own production company soon.
Later in the evening i performed as Buster Beaute' my male character at the last Velvet Hammer show. What a spectacular closing affair. My drag daughter Michele Hell, really tore it up with this fast paced frolic. Michele is moving from tired LA to Berlin. She's just going to get up and go---i don't blame her, thats the way to do it. Do it properly! I know she will have lots of success, because heritage burlesque is just now catching on in Europe and she's perfected it, so i know they will appreciate her more on the continent.
The Hammer show at the el rey was really bubbly and bright. Begining with the ballet histrionics of Mina La Fiama, and continuing with juicy Jewel of DeNial, maji Trixie Von Halse, the crack whip antics of Lipstick & Lashes featuring Brian Chic and the Princess of Hollywood Miss Pleasant Gehman, who just gets younger and younger. I really enjoyed the host and MC who was telling some stinging fag jokes, and Jason El Norte playing a Lurch like cut-up of a butler really was a nice touch. The modern day vaudevillians like Rasputin and his Wayland Flowerlike puppeting, The Fabulous Kawalski Trio, 10 West featuring a tall hunky manchild, Katia the trapeze artist for Circa Soleil and Rubber Boy who demonstrated that he could not only eat out his own bunghole, but also suck his big pinga at the same time. I adore contortionists, especially if they are boyish and dreamy, and i'd do anything to be able to service Rubber Boys every sexual need. Starting by licking him from head to toe. Wowzina!!!!!
Of course my daughter Michele as Valentina Violette wowed as well as my Epilady Bobby Pinz and the great Rebekah Del Rio closed the show giving everyone chills from her sensational voice. Hope i didn't leave anyone out, if i did it was because of the intense heat, that continues even as i write this in a steamy unairconditioned room.
Saturday Jason El Norte helped me move things from my Hollywood Blvd apartment. The heat caused me to sputter and i lost my keys for a minute, and i went crazy. Luckily i found them so all wasn't lost, but i was so distraught i wasn't able to make Jeffreyland Hilberts birthday soiree at La Plaza
That sizzling hairy chested, tall prince of Judea, Les Rubenstein came by and visited me. He lives on the same street as daddy Athey on San Borne. I got so distracted by the young boys beauty that i forgot i was supposed to have brunch with my god son Immanuel de la Felaise and his pretty hapa daughter. We went to lunch at Pipers on Western and Beverly and was joined by artist Mari Kono who sold her Silverlake compound and bought a house up in the mountains of Wrightwood, where she's really enjoying life to its fullest and prospering. Mari looks like she's 17, but is now 38. I have known her since she was 14 working at the store Scooter on Melrose Avenue when i worked at Retail Slut. We have had a very long friendship and i adore her.

UN AMLETO DI MENO
That wonderful Brazilian artist Eli, The Vivid Astro Focus Boy sent me an emug about his travails with MOCA here in LA, with this upcoming exhibit in the fall. Eli asked me and the kids from My Barbarian to perform at the opening, and we all planned to do some really extroidinary things, but of course the powers that be had other ideas that certainly excluded our funky cold medina selfs. It seems to me that MOCA never intended to have us underground types perform, but was intent on having a superstar DJ like the ugly and overrated Paul Oakendullard. After having dealt with the owner of the Funeral Parlour, i know of which i speak with that type of mentality, that I've seen at action at MOCA for years with the way the treated my friends Marilyn and Lauren Quintana. I felt like i should have warned Eli, but he's young and needs to experience it all first hand himself and formulate his own conclusions. Here is his emug with all the particulars so that you my dear reards can have insight in what its like to be an artist under such an oppressive climate that we are subject to in this day and age:

well guys

i dont even know where to start

i guess this is so typical for these old rotten institutions

we were at MOCA working yesterday and then the two girls responsible for opening party event came up to us and needed to talk. they told me the director of the museum intervened in the opening event subject (for the first time according to them) and demanded that they had paul oakenfold DJing at the opening party. they told us he's got personal connections apparently with oakendull (what i thought was kind of weird: who is this guy? an ex-E addict rave trillionaire?) and who would supposedly be playing for nothing or very little. this is the way he wants to go for the opening which will be so dull that it hurts. they also told me that he doesnt want to detract the attention from dull oakenfold and asked for the performances to happen in a different night. the girls told me then that they are on a printing deadline and cant even argue since paul schimmel is way on holidays and completely unreachable. at least thats what they are saying, they have no power to contest the director's decision.

apparently the other moca space's been having these special saturday nights in which they extend the museum hours till midnight and have special events happen for free: DJs, performances, etc. the director talked about the possibility of doing the same for the ecstasy show and suggested a night curated by avaf that would include your guys performances and whatever dj we want. the only thing is that this is still not certain. they are checking on the possibility of doing this and promised a response as soon as possible.

i feel really bad about this and want to stress that in any moment this was mentioned as even a possibility before. again just to make a brief history: i told paul i wanted to contaminate his curatorship and bring performances to avaf's space. he told me that because of fire and security issues that we couldnt have performances in our space but that we coudl have them outside at the opening night party. then i get here and there is all that crap about big name dj and music act. then they dropped the whole big name thing and now this.

it's hard to trust them i feel they are always hiding something (ran into very similar problems at tate). but want to assure you guys that this has nothing related to me. they are flaking out on you and me. anyway, i think it would actually be better to have a special separate night for you guys (unfortunately not as many people as the opening, they told me they have around 1,000 visitors instead of 5,000 for the party) in which we could do whatever we want to.

but i know this is totally disrespectful with you all (and me) and it's really up to you if you want to continue on this and go for this possible saturday night event. i just thought i had to be sincere wth you and let you know whats going on even before their final response.

on another note, we had an idea related to vag and wanted to check if you would be up for this honey. we were thinking of having a guerilla performance anyway at the opening party inside our space. we could provide you with a mic and you could have some background music. let me know if you are interested on this, we wouldnt be telling anything to moca people. wish we could offer the same to d'argento/my barbarian (unless you guys want to do something more impromptu without instruments).

i'm really sorry for this situation. i love you all a lot and my only wish with this invite was to praise our relationship and our admiration for you. but unfortunately we have some big monster in btn.

lemme know your thoughts

sorry
love
eli
assume vivid astro focus

HEIMFAHREN
Had power bitch meeting with daddy Athey at his Silverlake compound. We’re both tired of being exploited and want to fight back by opening up our own space, that will also function as a living quarters for this doll of a little girl. Can you imagine having something of my very own that would function as a regular working/living space and where I can put on events as diverse at Bricktops and Spicy Beef Curtains? According to Ron a lot of those Chung King Row galleries are financed by silent partners, namely business people who want to back the arts. So perhaps we can find someone to finance us. I hope so. If there is such a person out there, please contact me pronto.
Had lunch with Barbara of Santa Barbara and Ms. Meadmore at the French. Wonderful time with these two lovely ladies. Ms. Meadmore has finally dumped his hustler lover Monty, who is bipolar. It took being kicked out of yet another apartment building because of Monty and his antics. I’m so glad Ms. Barbara is in Glen’s life. She is the only husband that he needs---a female husband. Male husbands are not worth their grain of salt.
Visited Ms. Shauna Leone at her MAC make-up lair at the Glendale Galleria. Hadn’t been at that mall since the early 90s. I’m not exactly a mall girl. Had a delightful little girlish giggly Gertie time with Shauna, she is the ultimate beauty pie, and a true flapper.
Saw some rare silent films from Scandanavia at the Melnitz Theatre at UCLA. One from 1910 featured Asta Nielsen, who does this erotic tango with a hunky lover that is downright nastyola. Asta actually grabs at his genitalia, and he has a right mighty package ta boot.BEAUFIFUL. I had to leave the last film early as I didn’t want to be stuck in tired Westwood waiting for an autobus. The elderly gentleman playing keyboard during the film remarked to me that it was nice that someone was really laughing out loud and getting into the picture. There was a good crowd at Melnitz but those westside people can’t react to anything with their sad blank faces.
Friday, that gem of a gem, Mr. Mark Simon helps me move out of my bachlorette apartment on the Hollywood Bronson coridor. The tired new owner has turned the place back into a motor motel and also some weird kind of halfway house with drug addicts or I don’t know what damage these people have, its so BEYOND, and I really can’t figure it out. From 10pm-3am its really quite animated right outside my apartment window with so much loopy shenanigans that I can’t even explain it properly. I don’t have anyplace to move to, but I don’t care. If anyone without any pets or houseplants wants a housesitter from Sept 1st to the 8th let me know. After that I’ll be in Berlin till Oct 10th, then after that I’m most likely in Toronto for another month.
Saw that mainstream comedy film, The 40 year old Virgin. Nice guiltina pleasure. But if the lead was working as a shopgirl in an electronics store, he certainly would not be able to afford such a nice apartment, even in the god awful San Fernando valley. A real 40 year old male virgin would be still living with his parents rent-free. That was my one pet peeve with this flick. Enjoyed Romany Malco’s performance, and he’s one hot juicy jubas jubilee, but his white lover Paul Rudd needs to go on a diet. He’s too young to be so squishy and doughy, though he does have a nice round bubble butt that I’m sure Romany’s huge black penis tears up on a nightly basis. ROW!!!
Got a call from my pal Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts. He told me a hilarious tale about a friend of his named Timothy Peacock who besides sniffing vinegar, loves to get down with elderly gentlemen, make obscene phone calls and fornicate with horses at the stable in upstate New York where he works out of. Equus!
Saturday was treated to a day of beauty regiments from Mary, Mary Pagone. That darling, gorgeous lady, is so generous and loving. She really takes care of her friends. I’ve been so depressed with the end of Bricktops and Mary doesn’t miss a beat in coming to my rescue. Cory Marie picked me up and we started the day off at Mary’s Park LaBrea Garden Apt, drinking coffee and eating dainties in the luxury of Mary’s warm and welcoming flat. Then off to Jackie’s Nail salon, where Miss Mary bestowed upon me the gift of a delux mani and pedicure, massage & wax therapy session. Pure pure unadulturated heaven. I felt like a movie star honey!!!! The Korean staff at Miss Jackie’s was very accomodating and sweet. And my poor dogs needed treating. Years of punishment with high heels way too small, like Japanese foot binding had left me in a state.
Then Mary took us to the Grove for an incredible bruncheon at this cute little restaurant near the musical fountain, where we people watched all the hot young mensis while eating and sipping Mamosas. Who could ask for anything more? Thank you Mary, Mary----you are the bestest!!!!!
Oh and special kudos to Miss Cory Marie for designing the posters for my new show in Berlin, "It Happened to Me" I love them, they are perfecta!!!

DINNER WITH JOSEPHINE
Had a delightful midnight supper with the great Josephine Baker as channeled through Reny Monk. Madame Jo has a cute apartment in the east egg of Weho that is furnished with lots of old timey black memorabilia and deco furniture. A scrumpteous feast was set before me, and I devoured it. Madame Josephine is getting close to presenting a big spectacular at the Alex Theatre in Glendale. If it all comes together it will premiere on New Year’s Eve.
Ran into Kim Jones earlier at the Farmer Market. I hadn’t been at the market in ages, but I started to crave my pupusas. Lots of hunky eye candied specimens were abounding and bursting out of tight shirts and pant. It was nice having a sweet old girlfriend from back in the day to oogle and aagle over the luxury of young men. Both Kim and I agreed that the new fashion accessory du jour at the Hollywood Farmers Market is a baby. Lots of hot men with a child strapped to them or pushing them in a souped up stroller. This is certainly one trend i can live without.
Did I forget to mention that author Judith Rossner of Looking For Mr. Goodbar fame died and also actress Barbara Bel Geddes who was so perfectly lesbiana in Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo and later on TV in Dallas as a butch granny bopper.
Monday night met with Eli, the incredible, young Brazilian artist who goes by the name Vivid Astro Focus and his pal Christophe at the world famous Spotlight Pub. Eli is doing a big show at MOCA, and wants me to perform as part of the opening night rituals along with My Barbarian. We had a fun time drinking, stinking and living it up. I turned the boys on to whiskey sours and they eat it up. Then I pointed them in the direction of The Study for their Blatino night. I wanted to join them, but I have so much to do before going back to Berlin.
Looking forward to my spa treatment gift courtesy of the divine Mary, Mary Pagone. Mary and I will be joined by the lovely and talented Cory Marie Saturday, for a nice post Bricktops girly, girly day of pampering.
On the ick front: Noticed an email sent to me in my spam folder from that pathetic little infidel Lenny Young, late of the Funeral Parlour. For once the spam filters did their job, so all I had to do was hit delete. The nerve of that dimunitive pariah, like I would be interested in anything he’d have to say.

KADA VADIM
Went with Daddy Athey to LA Weekly literary event at El Cid for John Albert's new book. Hot hunky big peniled John is married to the lovely Miss Ronna. All of the Hollywood punk rock olde guard was in attendance. Had a nice time chatting with legendary punk beauty Kim Jones, whose adorable son Max was floating about. I love it when my friends have nice children. There is nothing worse then a sullen brat. Kim and I go way back to the 80s. She and Donita Sparks of L7 use to be at every Afro Sisters show, and they were always the lifeblood of every hot party i use to attend. Kim is married to another great beauty, Monty Messex who at one time was the most desired boy of Melrose Avenue, when he worked at Flip. His Charles Dickens street urchin waif boy look was way ahead of the curve, mixed with porceline skin and doe eyes, he was something to behold. His girlfriend at the time was Valerie Vaughn who was also at this Weekly party. Valerie use to work some hot looks like Kim Novak lavender blonde hairdos and wearing beige ensembles. Can you imagine beige during the punk heydey. Only Valerie could get away with that. Also beautiful buxom Swee'P was also at the soiree. I don't go out very often, so i never see this many old pals from my youthful days of glory. Oh and i have to mention Hal Negro. He looks amazingly youthful, fit and trim. I love him. Mr. Uncertain was providing the musical entertainment. Word up to the Weekly on how to have a better party: Provide free drinks with the free food. We arrived so late, all the food was gone, so it would have been nice to have had a nice cocktail on a humid summer eve.
Got together for lunch with gorgeous Kimberly Kim of North Korea at the Soup Plantation. So nice being able to spend quality time with her outside of the Funeral Parlour. She is so wonderful, and we had a nice girlish time together.

Handsome and studly Brian Grillo invited me over for a country double dick fried chicken, and collards din din. Brian isn't just a talented singer/songwriter he's a forocious cook. Wow! i stuffed myself silly and later we watched Joan Crawford in Straightjacket and some other nuttyfilm from the early 60s that featured the Long Beach Pike and Angels Flight. I love Brian's apartment, its minimalist but very warm and giving. The building is from 1910 and his view cannot be beat. Brian is one of LA's treasures.

PREGGERS
Yes its true Angelina Jolie is preggers with a butt baby. My friend Edith's ex husband is working on the new movie The Good Shepherd starring Ms. Jolie, and Matt Damon and they've had to step up production. This would have never happened if only Angelina kept seeing my pal Jenny Shimizu, aka Chicken, the hot japanese dagger who became a big junkie supermodel. Angelina and Jenny made a movie together and like most girls who meet Chicken fell crazy in love with her. They still occasionally bump bush, as Ang can't get her completely out of her system. Just thought you'd all appreciate a little Hollywood gossiperia.

DIE JUNGEN MACHEN IHR EIGENES DING
Meeting of the Black Girl Coalition with my sister girlfriendchild, writer Lisa Teasley for her birthday at Picholine on 1st and Virgil in V. Villa’ge. We are having a hoot of a time, and the stately owner of the Chocolatieria is highly enamored of the major Ms. Gorgeous Lisa T. Lisa is doing so well with her career. She has a literary agent and someone representing her books, being turned into films which makes a lot of sense--Lisa’s writing is very cinematic. Have to pick up a copy of the August issue of Real Simple Magazine. Lisa has a piece in it.
Speaking of le cinema, I’ve been seeing a lot of movies lately. I sometimes forget that I’m a writer and journalista, and I don’t always go to the screenings I’m invited to. Hell I even forget to write about the movies I’ve seen in the past few months, so lets do a bit of a recap shall we of the mainstream films I’ve seen:
Mr&Mrs. Smith with Bradgelinastein, and I have to admit it has its moments that are intriguing for a Hollywood vehicle. The director Doug Liman is quite adept at tone, and there is no denying the chemistry between the stars. Ms. Jolie gives Ava Gardneresque, of course she still has a long way to go before she reaches the heights of la barefoot contessa. Brad is still a handsome man, and according to Robin Givens, who use to date him, he has quite a nice peterfication on him. His pretty peni has been serviced by both women and men, during the course of his long career. Back in the late 80s I designed a t-shirt for a charity organization that Robin Givens started called Go Hard or Go Home. At that time Robin was the big star of a bad ABC TV series and El Brad was the male ingenue, who couldn’t afford to pay for his own happy meal. Like most Hollywood aspirants who are attractive, Mr. Pitt kept company with older gentlemen of means.

The Island, reminds me of Logan’s Run. I adore big peniled Ewan MgGregor, and Scarlette Johanssen is lovely and appealing. Former model Dimon Housou is one amazing jubas jubilee, I’d like to share in some brother-to-brother buck and chuck with him.

9 Songs by Michael Wintersloppybottom of the delicious 24-Hour Party People is daring and I’m happy to say it really works for me. The sex scenes have a stark quality that was quite lyrical. The dark haired English dude looks like a rougher Ben Chaplin and I can’t argue about that cruel sleek club on him or the drippy torrent of jizz he spews, and the American girlie reminds me of Amanda of the Ditty Bops. Her tomboyish body and casual flair transformed this into art where it could have easily gone down the drivel trail.

Wedding Crashers-My guiltina pleasure. Sort of fell apart in the end, but the first 45 minutes is pure and unadulturated. It would have been great if they had crashed a black wedding though. Can someone answer me why is Vince Vaughn looking so bloated? Is it water retention? Is he preggers with twin butt babies?

At UCLA Melnitz Restoration Evening I saw the silent Menschen am Sonntag-Germany, 1929 directed by Robert Siodmak and Edgar G. Ullmer, whose daughter introduced the film. Great seeing Berlin during the Weimar days. I’m glad I hardly ever use real actors in my experimental short subjects. Bruce La Bruce is correct in comparing my one reelers to Passolini’s. Also the English film Underground directed by Anthony Asquith. I couldn’t help but think about the London bombings in the tube, seeing their subway during the 1920s in this pic. Why is UCLA so tired as a campus? Walking across the grounds to the bus stop, I found it hard to believe that I use to work there as a day job for over 10 years.

LE BLUES ENTRE LES DENTS
The end of a Barbara Carerra, Friday Aug 5th with Bricktops, at what now can be called the Funeral Parlour. Great evening of performances starting off with Jose Promis, the latin thrombone, and heartfelt crooner, followed by the always enchanting La Poubelle Twins, handsome and patrician Kristian Hoffman with Kira Vollman and the great legend Mink Stole. Crowd pleasers Amanda Barrett of the Ditty Bops with dimunitive cutie pie Michael Lucid and their Pretty Things performance collective & filmworks kept things roused, and everyones favorite dynamic and masculine singer Brian Grillo, accompanied by his sweet former Extra Fancy bandmate had both ladies and gentlemen swooning with busty lust. Velvet Hammer's Michele Carr(the drag daughter of hostess Vaginal Davis) took purging to new heights with a striking performance that featured the shearing of her dark rapunzel like tresses----INCREDIBLE!!!! Taxi Dancing diva Mary, Mary Pagone set the tone for the entire night with her luminesce presence and glittering personality. My Barbarian's youth quakers Malik and Alex were exuberant, Mark Simon and his Boyfriends were dashing,Fishnet Floozy Anna Bells,one of burlesques most voluptuous ingenues, gave it her all, and is ready to be crowned a princess in the neo heritage movement. The buxom Penny Starr Jr. radiated warmth,a good time Sally spirit and superstar appeal. Marquis of Hobo Jazz showed why he is a major new contender on the vaudeville circuit, and sexy slinky minx, Reny Monk the grand-daughter of Thelonius Monk brought Josephine Baker back to life in such a way that mouths were left agape. There is no question about it, Reny IS Josephine Baker!
Abby Travis, complete with classic beauty and rich vocal tones really captured the essence of the jazz age with her haunting presentation. Oh and i can't forget that giant bombshell,the one and only Miss Selene Luna of the Epiladies, with her Amber alert routine-----pure genius is as pure genius does. Isn't that a quote from Gertrude Stein?
The only fitting close to the evening was David Lynch muse Rebekah del Rio singing her signature song with chilling poignancy, underscoring her recent tragedies with elegance and courage.
Special thanks to bar dom Kimberly Kim, the true heart of Bricktops and the regular bartenders Tony aka Squeeky Blonde,and George of the Island of Lesbos, and Joshua Algonquin for DJ-ing. I'm so overcome and overwhelmed, that i want to apologize to anyone I've left out, there are soooo many people responsible for the success of Bricktops. I also want to say sorry to those who weren't able to get inside for the last Bricktops at the Funeral Parlour, it was my hope that all could partake free of charge and drink for FREE all the liquor in the joint. If i owned the space that would have been the case, but alas black drag queens rarely own the clothes on their backs, let alone,their own home, a car or a pub.
I'd like to thank the Parlour owners Lenny and Sguiggy, i mean Andrew,
for allowing me the use of the space for the past three years. Now hopefully they can concentrate on spending more quality, unending time with each other, without the nuisance of a huge, smelly Negro getting in the way. All the best.

RADEBERGER
Last night in Berlin. Went to see this short subject from the late 80s at the famed Arsenel. The pic stars Darek Jarmen as Pier Paolo Passolini. Wasnt the best film, but it also wasnt the worse. Marcu and Daniella of the Cheap Collective hated it. Finally found a copy of Zoo Magazine with my article on Visions, Balkans. The Mag looks incredible. I love the interview with Bruce Benderson and accompanying photos also the Joe Lally spread is hot hot hot. Had a beer at the Shaunhauser Allee beergarden. That Sex and the City actress Kirsten Davis was sitting at the nearbye bench. Her face is frozen in one expression, poor girl.
Friday i went to the Pepper Mountain beergarden to have drinks with the Cheap Kids and famed experimental filmmaker Wilhelm Heinz and his photographer girlfriend Annette. Wonderful time with them. Wilhelm knew Al Hansen. Wilhelm is very sexy
and doesn't look like he is 65 years old. He could easilz pass for 50.
Later that evening i went to Babylon, this boy stripper palace that is like a male Flashdance. All the dancers were too femme and had bad hair and equally bad outfits. Stopped for a drink at Tramp, a new bar with the most drunken bartender i've ever encountered. Everyone in the place was so ugly that they were fugly. Found it very amusing. Saw that hack film director Jochan Hick outside of the icky Haffen bar. Jochan is sortof a younger version of Rosa Von Praunheim. Saw a profile he wrote about the LA porn scene in a German magazine. Is he still exploiting the porn world? I guess everyone needs a grift.
Electrical storm saturday lit up the sky. got something of a gnut at Tom Bar in a weak scene i was the epicentre of. spent hours after that chatting up hot Hungarian bartender. What a rack that kid has. A lot of the German bars are hiring youngsters and replacing the salty dogs.

OHNE GUMMI GEHT ER MIR AM ARSCH VOBEIL
Dinner at the aristrocratic philosophy student Matthias Haase beautiful homo moderne apartment in Kreutzberg, overlooking the danube, with the most expansive view i have ever seen in Berlin. Supper wasn't as awkward as expected. Matthias has been working on his disertation for several years and is the follower of two philosophy gurus from Pittsburgh, so he spends a lot of time in the states, and most of the guests at the soiree are his collegues. One of his pals, was a bona fide sexy humpy dork, who now lives in Boston, but has a German baracuda femme top girlfriend, who obviously wears all the slacks she can find. Matthias never formerly introduced me to his new girlfriend, who is Korean. His old girlfriend Laurie was Chinese, which makes him a heterosexual RICE QUEEN. Matthias is the beauty of all beauties so i couldn't fault him for the odd dinner menu of thai style curries with no salade, desert, coffee and fending for ourselves when it came to drinks. The proper host would make sure all guests are properly introduced and given cocktails before dinner. Elsa Maxwell you are so needed in the modern world.
Was fantastic running into the divine Alessio one of my Cheap Jewelry castmates who now works at the anarchist bookshop, BBooks. Alessio is as stunning as ever.
Later we went back to the Frankenstein 3000 Bar, but it was dreary with all the faggots just standing around not doing anything. Too bad, because it was crowded but with lacklustre energy. I won't be returning there. The Greifbar aka: The Vaginal Davis Bar, was also pitifull. Blame it on globilization, but i'm afraid my new Germany is becoming too much like the United States.
Started filming the electronic segments of the new piece on location at the GDR Monument Park. Attracted a huge crowd around us---of course. Susanne is amazing in action. No one gives more, and is so of the moment. Tim Blue is also a delight. He is so effervescent and childlike. I always have a good time with him.
Did interview with Manuela of the gay newsmagazine SiegeySoule. I know i'm spelling it wrong. Manuela is a hot dagger who also works with the Berlin Film Festival and hass been to Platinum Oasis. Her offices are very sleek and designy.
Went to Freidrickshein Park to cruise the German Brambles. Not much hot action, though i did get my girlish gnut from some tired skinny man who looked like a nervous accountant. Lets face it, I'm really not a park queen. its way too dark and I'm not that into nature. Met the Marcu, TimBlue and fearless leader SueSue at the Fredrickshein Teatre Beergarden. We were supposed to have drinks with Hannah Hurtzig, the German version of Lois Keiden, but she bailed. Went by the Pik me Ab Bar, still as tired as i last remember it, and he Nekkid Bar which was also lousy. Gave the Greif one last chance to redeem itself, but it wasn't up to the task. Talked to a chubby American who has lived in Berlin for 5 years and a German Cha-Cha and both of them agreed, that Mrs. Berlin ain't what she use to be, which is sad.

DER KONTRAKT DES ZEICHNERS
Friday the Cheap collective met at a very cute cafe in Kreutzberg, with an even cuter waiter serving us. We discussed a myriad of ideas for the multi-visual component in the new piece, and met with tech director Cecile, who i thought was a dagger doodle, but she has a boyfriend. i love Cecile. She has a great personality, is Belgian and use to teach at Cal Arts---she really knows her stuff. i think Cecile should perform in the piece, her beauty needs to be seen on stage. Cecile gave us a tour of the stage we will perform on at the HAU theatre. Workmen were putting in a new floor so it was like being on a construction site. Some of these workmen were pretty fine with large asstrovars. yumm. The theatre is gorgeous from the Weimar days. Later that night Tim Blue and i went to the Frankenstein 3000 bar, which is Bruce La Bruceäs fav hang in Berlin. its a cute little pub, but i could have done without the longhaired cha cha queens prancing about. in the darkroom i was attacked by 1000 hungry mouths. its nice being popular. on the train ride i was attacked by a 21 year old british ginger boy, studying in berlin. he sure had nice freckles and a bubble butt. zowya! late late night we go to the Vaginal Davis Bar & Grill where two megawatt Germans put on a hot sex show with their giant peters splashing and drippping in passions embryonic embrace.
Saturday our beautiful fearless leader Susanne the star of Rasberry Reich cooks a mighty delicious feast at her glam compound. Susanne is a divine goddess that all of Berlin worships, and no one can say "No" to. We watched videos for inspiration, Tobe Hooper Funhouse, Young Frankenstein, Tales of Hoffman, The Bandwagon and Freaks.
Met up late night with an investment banker who i engaged in a heavy petting session. i was such the tease, playing this giant dong German player leaving him with blue ballszs
Sunday was my one day off---sunny and warm. Ran around the city siteseeing and manseeing a juicy big tittied indonesian exotica, a tall germanicus beauty of unparrelled zest and other gorgons too numerous to mention, ah Berlin i dont want to leave you ever.
monday collaborated with cheap collective on short newspaper article creating myths surrarounding our new project. fun writing together. ran into laurie and boypal outside of cafe. laurie was the sexy canadian choreographer of cheap jewelry back in 2001. will see her again on tuesday at her ex beau Mattias philisophical dinner party. Mattias is a young beautiful German aristrocrat who co-wrote the text for Cheap Jewelry.

GESUNDHEIT
Long, dull plane ride on British Airways. Thick UK blondine with bubble booty is the only piece of useable eye candy. Royal greeting from the Cheap Collective at Tegel Airport making me feel like a star. All the Cheap players Marcu, Daniela "Danniethy" Romana, the great Susanna and Tim Blue--the newest member of the company who has been here for a year and a half, and is a bright bubbly piece of Spring air. The Children of Cheap look so young and fresh. its been five years since i was last in Berlin, but they all look like they haven't aged a second. The weather is perfect. I'm taken to the Communista Pizza Parlour on Schonhauser Allee---lots of major ms. gorgeousness abound----i'm become obsessed by a baby dyke boy with peaches and cream complexion. Prenzlauer Berg has changed so much and become very yuppiezed like the rest of the world. More boutiques, sidewalk cafe's and trendoids of every shape and persuasion. Wednesday is our first brainstorming session chalking out ideas for the new piece. Marca has us on a tight schedule-like a gash like a wound. Daniela cooks a sumpteous meal and i'm reunited with Cheap Jewelry cast member Yvonne' who has changed his name to his original Serbian Christian moniker of Dragone. I finally meet Daniela's italian beau Piero, who is very good looking and speaks Portuguese, German, Spanish and Serbo Croatian.
Later in the evening Tim and I go bar hopping in the Prenzlauer Berg faggot district. We go to one of those trendy lounges where there are a lot of prissy philistine queens, then head over to the Vaginal Davis Bar aka: Greifbar. So many hunky spunks abound, but we justt have a great girlish time chittle chatting and i never even make it to the back room.
Thursday luncheon from the hot Turkish place that makes mean shwarmas that is on the same street of Praeter, then off to Kreutzberg to check out the cafe where the opening party will be and discuss decoration. I'm going to do another Vanessa Beecroft parody piece at the party, which works nicely because Madame Beecroft was just in Berlin. More brainstorming at the spacious and lovely apartment of Dragone. Dragone has a cute lesbian doggy doodle and an intellectual boyfriend who is a philosophy student working on his Phd. Of couse its raining casti catore, which is a bit of a drag. I take a disco nap and then decide to go on the prowl in Schoneberg. I grab a
bite to eat at this little quaint Chinese cafe then go to Scheune Bar, where i've never been before. I also peruse the Euro porno at JAXX basement which is sortof like Drake's circa 1987. No serious action for the lady at Scheune bar, but i did get felt up. Wind up at Tom's Bar and i meet a hunky French dude who tosses my salad for a bit. I wasn't in the mood to do anything else, and he calls me an American Puritan, so i tell him he's a selfish Gallic Libertine. We wind up talking for a few hours, and he's hysterical. Don't leave bar till 4am when the subway is running again.
Friday we have a big productive meeting with hot no-nonsense dagger Cecile, the technical director of the H.A.U. theatre. I like Cecile---she sizzles. Then we go to the GDR Palace which some artists are turning into a mountain art installation that the Cheap Collective will do a performance in along with Kitty Diggens who will be here at the end of the month. 2night we go to an opening of D. L. Alvarez then Tim and i will hit the Kreutzberg prowl zones and wind up back at the Vaginal Davis Bar & Grill. Lets hope i wind up getting down and dirty with some hot young feller.

LA NOTTI BIANCHE
Wednesday was the US Premiere of Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper's The Judas Cradle at the Disney Hall's Redcat Theatre. The Judas Cradle was presented in association with Outfest's Platinum Experimental Series. It was exciting seeing this piece in all its fully produced splendor. I'd seen the workshop bits and pieces but being able to see it fully realized was the ultimate in paradinic pleasures. I'm not sure if the US is ready for a performance piece that is so genre bending. America likes to pigeon hole things, and if they can't find a space to limit it, they usually dismiss it. Ron has taken his career to a new and more exciting level, pushing boundaries in ways not thought possible. Julianna is a marvel of beauty, talent and grace, with a voice that is downright thrilling. These two together are unstoppable. And Amanda the sound designer, who also plays butt trumpet during the performance is a supreme wondermint. I adore her. Its a shame that Ron has not been presented formally in his own country in more than 10 years. With this piece that may change.
The after party in the REdcat Lounge i hosted and presented an installation called "VD is VB Black and white men and women together forever." Participating was a range of artists like writer Lisa Teasley, The Toxic Titties Collective, Lesbians to the Rescue, Lukas Michel and photographer Matty Lipp. I also had raging beauties like, Kimberly Kim of the Parlour Club, Taj of 13 BC, the personal piercer of Janet Jackson and Christina Aguillera, Jean Spinosa, Mary Mary Pagone, Japhey Rockerfeller and Matthew "Bubble Butt" Guggenheim. My living sculptures were a wonder to behold, and of course everyone got wild and drunk. I also showed the Billy Miller video that goes with my song, "Tom Cruise Loves Women" and it was a very timely hit with the crowd.
Later i went to the juicy lesbian club at the Gauntlet II that Xochtl hosts, and danced the night away. I was floating in an alcoholic splendour when artist Nao Bustamente(sister of Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamente) whisked me into the ladies room to shnort some cocaine. Two toots up each nostril, and i was sober. I'm not much of a druggy, this was only my third time doing cocaine---hard to believe eh? I'd like to become a dope addict strung out on heroine, crack and crystal meth. Somehow i doubt that would ever happen, as i don't have an addictive personality, but one can dream can't they. When the bar closed my entourage took me for a midnight snack at Echo Park Bright Spot.
Thursday i was taken to luncheon at Cafe Des Artiste by LA Weekly Deputy Editor Cadillac Joe Donnelly, of the big, fine, round ass, and Christine "Qtr Pounder" Pelisek. Had a wonderful time hanging out with them.

Later that evening i went to the Directors Guild to see the short film "Beyond Lovely" that i have a small role in. The sound was really high and screetchy everytime i heard my voice, and i didn't like how i was photographed. Us black folk need a lot more light. Gwen Turner looked amazing as always.

Friday morn i met the legendary Penny Arcade for breakfast at the Standard. We had a great time spending some quality girl time together. I forgot to ask her how it was to work with Margo Howard-Howard. Well next time i see her.

Later i decorated the Parlour Club for our ee cummings tribute and rehearsed with Mr. Uncertain who is looking good with his new Cruella DeUncertain two toned hairdo. Had my face beaten to an inch of its life by Mama Make-up aka Sharon Gault. The famous make-up artist that was featured in Madonna's Truth or Dare. Swedish couture designer Morgan Olsen also fitted me with a brand new gown for the Friday show and i looked radiant in it. Morgan use to be a high fashion model and is one hell of a talented and beautiful girl.

Bricktops was incredible. Dr. Robert Summers the ucla art historian to the schtars started the night off with a little lecture/soothsaying and message therapy complete with candles, oils, scents and products. Very engaging. Then Mr. Uncertain and friends took over for a performance that was spellbinding. That Mr. Un really knows how to surprise. He is truelly gifted. Madame Bricktops joined him for a rousing medly of their greatest Bricky hits including "Yung Frau" the german drinking song, "I wonder who's kissing him now" and "Waterfalls" Then famed San Francisco cabaret star Robbie d and broadway ingenue Hope Levy and her black orchid trio. Buttons Sinclair was the taxi dancer and we also gave pirate Jenny a nice birthday sendoff to her native Montepelier. The hot celebrities included Bruce LaBruce and writer Jonathan Sofran Froer who came with lovesexy actor Chris Evans of the Fantastic Four movie. This is the second time in two weeks that Chris has been to the club. Something tells me that he has a little sugar in his tank.
Spent the night at Hector's and woke up early to go with him to Camp Pendleton to see the Triathalon. All i can say is hot hot hot men with very large feet, asses and peni. My Cornelius eyes were popping. After the race was over we went to the nuclear nude beach at San Onofre. I did the ho stroll through the valleys, caves and crevices and squirrel got her gnut from this nudie patudie. Of course traffic returning to Los Ang was brutal and we missed the Bruce La Bruce opening at Peres Projects. Later in the eve we went to Jeffreyland Hilberts birthday party for his ex-love Ozzy Ozzwaldo. Tomorrow i head for Berlin. Wish me pluck.

THE POLIS TRANSFIGURED
I forgot to mention my hot sex date after Bricktops on Friday. No i didn't pick up someone from the club---that happens to EVERYONE except me. When i was doing Club Sucker, i scored maybe two boys a year, though my Sucker partners Frank & Dale had at least 4-6 boys a night in the loo, not to mention the many they took home, or the wilde unbridled sex orgies they participated in at the end of almost every Sunday evening at various homes and apartments, usually involving handsome and rugged Ste'Eve Harrington Hall(who is the worlds type) Tommy "Big Balls" Henrikson and an assortment of hunky Sucker regulars.
I wish i was a complete sex magnet, but alas i am not. Earlier in the evening after i had my interview at the studio with Jane Pratt i took the bus to make-up artist of the schtars house in Hancock Park, Patrice Rojere, who beat me a fine Bricky face, but on the autobus was a cute Japanese student going to USC who was on his way to work at some Sushi bar. These young kids from Japan can be tall and sexy with very nice pale perfect skin. I told him i was working late at this bar and could come over to his place at around 2:30am. I didn't need to tell him my life story, that I'm a tired black drag queen, luckily he lives right off of Fairfax and Santa Monica Blvd. So i tried to wash my make-up off as best i could and got to his place as he was walking up----perfect timing! I plowed that little round bubble butt to an inch of its life like a true mack mama baracuda femme top. I guess i was taking out all my righteous anger of the last few weeks on that poor innocent Japanese bum----he loved it!!! When we woke up around 7am with our early morning hard-ons, i preceeded to plank him again, the poor child was so caught up in my jackhammering that he didn't seem to notice my putrid acid breath. This is my second Japanese trick, and honey i want more rice! I'm not attracted to Japanese American boys, i guess because i grew up with them, though my very first crush was on my best friend from from 1st grade, Michael Takaneshi. He was so pretty and perfect with a warm smile and the darkest shinyest straight hair, i remember being crazy about him,even our mothers got along, and my mother is such a loner that she never liked anyone, but she and Mrs. Takaneshi would talk for hours while me and Michael played. My mother always felt that Japanese people were prejudiced against blacks, so she always proceeded cautiously with them, and other Asians. Though i remember her fondly talking about a Japanese couple she and her husband at the time (My sisters father) rented a room from in Portland, Oregon before World War II and coming to California. When Michael's family moved from the Normandie and Pico area to Gardena, i cried for weeks.
Actually i have a crush on that young Korean actor John Cho(no relation to Margaret). I saw him once coming out of that rehearsal space on Hollywood Blvd and Ivar. I guess he has some kind of punk/emo band. I loved him in that guilty pleasure movie Harold & Kamar Go to WhiteCastle. He's really gorgeous in person, i bet he has a nice kimchi flavoured bung hole.
Since i was up early on Saturday, i tried to connect with Larry BobGoblin of Larry, Hall & Jack to have breakfast, but i couldn't get ahold of them, so i went to the studio to work on my new piece that I'll be doing further work on in Berlin. Later that night Mar Lou De Luna and her husband Hal Marinas picked me up and took me to eat at Cafe Du Village in Larchmont Village. I've known Mar Lou since 4th grade when she came FOB from the Phillipines. We went to middle school together, but different high schools, and started off as undergrads at UCLA, somehow we were meant to stay friends, even though she is now a lawyer for the State of California and is married to a lawyer and they both live in a upper echlong enclave in Glendale's Montrose Hills. She and her husband Hal have been going out since College. Fertile and I use to DJ parties at Hal's Fraternity. I guess i have this other side of me that most people don't know about. I've been out with Hal and MarLou and run into friends who later asked me how i know the conservative looking couple. They look astounded when i tell them our history.
After dinner MarLou wanted desert at Sweet Lady Jane's on Melrose, but the lighting is so unflattering that i refused to go inside, also the people were such icky overbearing yuppies, and these days I'm not exactly featuring yuppies or other wealthy people who for enjoyment must sit in their bank vaults once a week, and count all their money--just to make sure its all there.
Didn't Sweet Lady Jane use to be on 3rd near LaCienega? I think it was better at that location. So we wound up having desert and capacinos at the Pacific Dining Car which was marvelous. Marlou and Hal are such an hysterical couple, they keep me constantly laughing with their droll sense of humour. When we were walking to the restaurant in Larchmont Village, they ran into one of their friends, who i could tell was puzzled by the fact they were with me, and didn't quite understand the connection.
Sunday, Bruce "Judy" La Bruce arrived. She has a installation at the Peres Projects Gallery in Chinatown, and is staying at film editor Billy Rich's house while Billy is in North Carolina working on a hip-hop movie. Bruce and I had dinner at some Thai food restaurant in the mini mall across the street from Akbar. We wanted to eat at The Kitchen, but they close too damn early. The food at the Thai place was fine, but the Kareoke was intollerable. I hate Kareoke. Judy and i caught up on gossip about Ricky Castro and others, and had a general hoot of a girlish time.

LE GUSTA,LE DISGUSTA
Now that Bricktops is coming to a close at the Parlour Club, all these mainstream magazines are interested in doing interviews with me. Miss Jane Pratt had to see my MacArthur Park studio she's heard so much about. I like Jane, she wrote about me first when she was an editor with the olde first version of Sassy Magazine. I was surprised she remembered me, she later came by Bricky's and thought that it was the most amazing club she'd EVER been to. She was very much impressed by the diversity of the people present, some gay, straight or contemplative, and the performances from Pretty Things, Brian Grillo, Larry, Hall & Jack, and the Toxic Titties. She pulled me aside and said, "the blurring of audience and performer at this space is unbelievable . . .where do you find these acts?" She was also mesmerized by taxi dancer Mary, Mary and our gorgeous bar dom Kimberly Kim. Jane wanted to know if the janitors have to wear 20s costumes. For some reason she thinks the club is 20s every night. Of couse i didn't bother to correct her in that assumption.
I also was interviewed by this glossy magazine from Palm Springs. Why they would be interested in me, i can't fathom. Oh and Allure, Elle and Arena have sent me quiry's as well, all on the topic of speakeasy's being the big "new thing" Oh brother!!!!
Rick Owens said he was still working on Anna Wintour doing something on Bricktops for Vogue with the Bricky kids wearing his clothes, of course this would come through NOW of all times. Oh welpsis.
Last night was so marvelous and frantic. Warhol legend Penny Arcade was on fire. That lady sure knows how to work a microphone. I did a little dance with Brian that was a lot of fun. Several boys in the audience were panting over him. He's been a masculine beauty prize for over 20 years, and you can build a dream on his round bubble butt. The youngsters could take lessons from Penny and Brian on how to keep it together. Besides his former bands Ella and the Blacks and Extra Fancy, Brian had the group Lock-Up which later morphed into Rage Against the Machine. I always thought Lock-Up was more interesting then Rage, I use to do some amazing shows with Lock-up in the early 90s with my band PME. Brian also was in the great combo Brian's Brain with Margo Olaverra, one of the original GoGo's and at the height of his Grillo Follies fame he choreographed several videoes of 80s stars like Kim Carnes and even Mr.Luther Vandros, who wasn't very nice to Brian when they worked together. Luther most likely had a crush on Brian, as he favoured blonde boys. That Luther was quite a talent, before he became this R&B balladeer, he worked with David Bowie and had a band with Niles Rogers, before Chic, and did back up singing on the Fame soundtrack. Remember the song, "I Sing The Body Electric?" He was also quite an arranger. Luther honey, RIP. I wonder how many of you out there remember my Luther parody persona that would sing in a wheelchair, that i called Lester Vartan? The first time i did Lester Vartan, no one recognized him as me, the prejudiced bastards just thought i was some crazy black man with a gheri curl wearing a tacky shiny suit.
Speaking of the dearly departed, film star June Haver bit the morcoil. Most people don't remember her at all. Her career only lasted about ten years. She was used as a threat to Betty Grable at 20th Century Fox during the 40s. They even did the movie "The Dolly Sisters" 1945 together. I loved her in "I'll Get Bye" 1950 and "I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now" 1947. She had a sweet singing voice, and was really ahead of her time in that she gave up her Hollywood career for a spell and joined a nunery. This was after a very secret love affair with Sammy Davis Jr. Sammy later was carrying on with Kim Novack, Guy Madison, Tab Hunter, Tommy Rall, & John Kerr all at the same time. Sammy had a notorious cruel club cocoa cock. But getting back to June Haver, She left the order and wound up married forever to dull Fred MacMurray.
The divine Mary, Mary Pagone told me that she had a similiar breakfast experience at Dusty's in Silverlake with the same awful waitress, that she refers to as Naomi Notts. The waitress did look a little like Naomi Watts, but bloated, like she was retaining a lot of water in her face for some reason. Mary refuses to return to Musty's, as she calls the place now. So there you have it. I'm not just being an hysterical black queen, thinking that the yuppie world has a vendetta against me.
Oh i forgot to tell you that the Gallic beauty of an actor Romain Duris, from the hit new film The Beat That My Heart Skipped, was at Bricky's last night with this french girl who is a friend of Olivier and Daphanee, the golden couple who were working for Universal Vivendi a couple of years ago and living rent free in a sumpteous Mulholland Drive mansion across the street from David Hockney and one of the Getty's. How wonder Universal went under. They were paying Olivier and Daphanee a bundle to do nothing, but have parties, utilize personal trainers, and enjoy the good life under executive perks. That proves it to me that being a wage slave is no life---you have to find a grift and work it. Of course coming from Europe with a sexy accent helps. Americans are such suckers for that. No one would be offering me any high paying jobs here in this so called land of plenty. I live under the poverty level at around $9,000 a year or less. Granted i do live a somewhat glamorous life, but i don't have a pot to pee in.

YOU, ME AND EVERY ENCHILADA WE KNOW
Saw Miranda July's new film. I surprisingly liked it. I loved the mixed race children used, that was a great touch, and she certainly learned a great deal from her relationship with Miguel Arleta(Chuck & Buck)i think she owes him a little more then a thank you at the end. They were once a couple, and now are friends, and i heard she called him to rub it in his face about her success at Cannes. A lot of the pacing in the film is very Miguel, but Missy Miranda does have a strong eye that serves her well, and she looked great in the film. I remember when she played at my Club Sucker. She didn't go over very well, she came off a bit haughty in that Pacific Northwest way, and the crowd wasn't having it. She looks so much better with her natural hair color. I wouldn't say she is pretty, just interesting looking in a very melancholy way. She is obviously a careerist and knows how to work it. I can see her going far.
Took Professor Doyle out for breaky to celebrate her tenure status at UC Riverside. Its quite an accomplishment to be an associate professor while you're still in you're early 30s. We went to Dusty's the new trendy eatery in Silverlake. The youngish blonde waitress wasn't feeling us for whatever reason, so i went into evil black queen mode, dismissing her left and right. She gave good service to a bunch of backward baseball cap yuppie boys seated in front of us---the new breed that is making Silverlake so repellant. Dusty's is owned by this woman from Montreal, and if she wants to continue doing business in this town, she'd better get her staff in check. I may not be rich, but I am one powerful black woman, and i can destroy you, if you get on my bad side. I can't recommend Dusty's and i certainly won't be returning there, and will spread the word that my people shouldn't patronize the place either. The last restaurant i demeritted was closed in less then 3 months.
Talk to sweet Michael Lucid of the Pretty Things. He told me that the Production Company Autonomy had approached him about turning Pretty Things into a TV series. They read the article on them in the LA Weekly. Sound familiar? Autonomy read the LA Times and NY Times article on me, and took me out to a power brunch. I met with the company president Rick Scott, who i actually liked. He's a bit of a goofball, and has a wife and male lover. You can't get more polymorphously perverse then that. His VP in charge of Developmentt Joel Lipman was my main contact, and he seemed sincere also, but was more normal with a wife and kid. The gay member of their executive team, whose name i forget, i immediately despised. At our brunch at the Pacific Dining Car he was very condescending to me, i guess that both uf us being queens, we cancelled each other out. Word to the wise: Don't insult someone you sought out. Now i remember why i don't like yuppies.
Well it seems like Autonomy wanted to do some sort of documentary on gay couples and wanted to profile Abby and Amanda of the The Ditty Bops, and was using Michael of Pretty Things to get at them. Michael has a great head on his shoulder and didn't fall for it. He also has been approached by some 21 year old Jimmy Glick kid who worked for VH1 and now for that tired Logo Gay Cable network. The power bitch at VH1 just poo paahed them, and i told Michael it would be a big mistake to ghettoize himself with a gay cable network. Logo didn't get what he was doing anyway, which is typical.

BURCU'S TANGLES
When i was housesitting for Hector I took a little trip via the Blue Line to Long Beach with sexy crooner Brian Grillo. Brian loves to escape Silverlake and have breakfast in Long Beach. I wasn't feeling very well, when Brian came to pick me up on Sunday morn for the excursion, with my head cheese congestion and aching joints, but we had made plans a week before so i wanted to keep them, plus its so much fun having quality time with Brian, who i've known forever. The ride down to LB was pleasant, and surprisingly quick. I guess gang bangers don't get up before 10am. Its surprising to me how close Long Beach is, but it seems like i'm in a different part of the world. Long Beach doesn't leave you with an icky aftertaste like the San Fernando Valley. We decided to have the sunday brunch at Hamburger Mary's, it wasn't the best choice, but we were both too hungry to argue it. Luckily we were the first to arrive, so there wasn't much queeny ickyness that you would imagine would be a part of such an establishment. The cutesy plucked eyebrowed waiter kept bringing us memosa's so we were cheap dates. A little bit later there was a raging table of twinkie pies and lesbian soccer moms. Thank god we finished eating before the floor show started. Neither of us being in the mood for provincial drag.
We took a walk along the main gay strip which is really gentrified these days. I can remember back in the late 70s and early 80s when that part of long beach was funky and chunky. We continued drinking at the leather bar The Mine Shaft, with this olde school bartender who kept buying us shots. My summer cold was making me too uncomfortable, so we headed back to Hollywood before the beerbust crowd arrived.
***
Last night's Bricktops was our first after the announcement of the Parlour's closing. It seems like the word is out, and there were tons of well wishers, and cutie pies. The evenings theme was a salute to cubist Georges Braque, and art historian Robert Summers gave an amazing lecture with hoary visuals. Pacific Northwest bawdy burlesque queen Loud Louisa gave a hilarious performance and Madame Bricktops did a tribute to matinee idol Tom Cruise.
Latest Tom Cruise Gossip: Tom got caught in bed with Rob Thomas by Thomas' wife, and they've paid her off royally to not go to the media. I don't know if i believe this tale, as Tom is a notorious dinge queen and only has sex with black men, and Mr. Rob Thomas and his plucky pop music career is sooooo white, he's even whiter then Tom Cruise. I have to give Tom some credit here---he doesn't like bland lovers, he needs men who can fill his hole-----at all cost, squirrel has to get his gnut!
Pirate Jenny outdid herself in the DJ booth. She was playing the best music and everyone was dancing wildly and franticly---thats the way it should be. Mary Mary and Shauna Leone were leading everyone down that primrose promordial path. I shared a nice flirtation with the unbelievably sexy faith based scholar Reza Aslan whose new book "No God but God" is the summer's hottest read. I hope hunky Reza comes back again, i'd like to chew the cud off of his muslim peni.
I was so exhausted at the end of the night, and my beautiful Andrew of Gould made me one hell of a delicious vegi burger back at his Los Feliz compound.

CHIETA ZATEL
Updata on Bricktops. Bricktops will continue at the Parlour Club until the end of July so make every Friday count by making yourself present, alert and of the moment. For those of you who have never been to Bricktops at the Parlour Club now's your time to experience something very special.
No word yet on what venue Bricktops could move to. The space would have to be extroidinary, with a full bar and cheap, cheap drinks. Please feel free to email Vaginal Davis with any suggestions c/o Gleeson Brevard at gleebrevard@aol.com.

Below is a transcript of art historian Robert Summers amazing lecture on Garland Modalities that he gave at Bricktops last Friday. He will be giving another lecture tomorrow on the topic of Georges Braque & Picasso's homo pathology. Get to the club early so you don't miss it--that means 10:30pm sharp.

Garland Modalities
By Dr. Robert Summers
Art Historian to the Schtars

It’s a well-known fact (it almost goes without saying) that Judy Garland was and is the Grande Dame of the modern-day fag hag; there were, of course, proto-predecessors, if you will, like Helen of Troy and Mary Magdalene, but they were more "beards" than fag hags. But Judy on the other hand, in one fell swoop, reconfigured and redeployed the "beard" (which some people still participate in, say, for example, Tom Cruise and whoever he is "dating") into the fag hag, proper. In more ways than one, the fag’s other, the hag, was transformed from an act to a literal doing and a being—just like the invention of homosexuality in 1780, the fag hag was now an identity category. But, going back to the beard, I guess one does have to come out of the closet (or the restroom stall) in order to have the beard’s other be a fag, so the beard can become—but never cum—a hag of a certain fag.
On that note, maybe being a fag hag is a reciprocal condition. I mean all us fag hags. (Yes, I am a fag hag! Nowhere does it say you have to be a woman to be a fag hag, and anyways I have a juicy, little cunt… and any of the straight boys can come see it some time—I am so tired of my fags peeking into and poking around my ‘gina to see and feel how it would be and feel like to actually love pussy.)
Moving on, all us fag hags had to, at one point or another, give our gay boys the courage to come out, which would be what I call one of the actions in a "Garland Modality; or, Garland Fag Haggery," which is to say that there are certain procedures, for example in Garland’s case—and even lovely Liza’s case— to help one’s (gay) friend, boyfriend, or husband "come out, come out, wherever you are," which, in the case of Garland’s husbands, were usually the bushes, where he, the lovely hubby, was "just helpin’ the gardener." So, Garland married gay men and loved her fans, which also all happened to be gay men—not to mention a few lipstick lesbians who were also dreaming of stardom and the spotlight—as well as the fabulous outfits, make-up, and high-heels.
Now, what many don’t know about Judy is that she was the top in her marriages. She had the best stap-ons in the world! And, YSL, her dear friend, made her the most precious strap-on that money and love could buy. (By the way, Demi Moore bought it at an auction for 1.3 million—Ashton is thrilled!) Eventually every one of Judy’s husbands would "come out," and join the circle of fags that would surround her—and the same will happen to Ashton. Us fag hags are always helping our boys realize their full potential!
Recently, I had tea with Liza at the "W" in New York, we discussed her fag haggery, which she fully accepts and promotes (I mean it’s in her blood—how can she not accept it!) and her dearly departed friend, Andy Warhol’s, hag fagism: which is kind-of like fag hagism but without the weight problem. Anyway, Liza told me that Judy always topped her (gay) husbands, and she experienced more than one mudslide. So, I asked Liza how Judy handled this—I mean we all know the woman hated messes! And to my surprise I found out that Liza was a medium to the "other side." So there, at the W, we contacted Judy! I asked Judy (via Liza) how she dealt with shit shooting out of her hubbies butts like a proverbial "Old Faithful". And she said, in her beautiful, crusty, bourbon and Demerol induced voice, "if you can’t feel your body, then you can’t feel the shit, or smell it either! In a sense I am always ‘over the rainbow’". Yes, she was, she was.
Liza, whom I didn’t know was so gifted with contacting the spirit world, also helped me channel back in time, to the night of July 22, 1969, just weeks after her 47th birthday, I saw Judy on the floor of her bedroom with a bottle of liquor in one hand and a ruby slipper in the other—which I think had some shit on the heel. She looked up into the sky and said "Arlen, Arlen, why hast thou forsaken me … I don’t know if I am gonna make it over the rainbow, but hopefully these Benzedrine will get me over it, and then she died—like Jesus Christ, but with a drug and alcohol problem, a gay husband, a baby fag hag daughter, and a ruby shoe with shit on it. The scene was like a tragic yet beautiful death scene painted by the sodomite Caravaggio—like his so many images of Jesus Christ suffering. Indeed, like Jesus Christ (the) Superstar, Judy died for all of our sins, and especially for all the fag hags, whose right is the Kingdom of Heaven, because we have given our lives to gay men who wont ever return the love; we have been there day and night for our gay "boy friends" and our fag friends—all those men who use and abuse us but whom we love, and will continue to love as long as there are narcotics, liquor, and, yes, ice-cream!
Thank you & Goodnight