VOUS FAITES PARTIE DE MOI

Suzi Su aka the delicious Susanne Sachsse, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap had a yummy omlette bruncheon at her spacious eastside compound.  Its always a delight to be at the famous table of Frau Sachsse.  I cant wait to see her playing Little Red Riding Hood at the Parkauer Theatre, and everyone is talking about her collaborative installation The Guilt House with Karen Cytter, an Israeli artist who is like a younger more neurotic version of Tracey Emin.  Look for The Guilt House at the HAU in November.

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Its way too easy to dismiss dance theatre as pretentious.  I was expecting pure agony watching the premiere of Dvant, the living in a big way production that is part of the Sasha Waltz and Guests invective at the Radialsystem V, the new space for the arts in Berlin off the Spree River in Freidrichshein.   I was pleasantly surprised by this somewhat uneven piece, but couldnt ignore the sheer muscularity and power of the Gregorian boy band headed by Juan Kruz Diay de Garaio Esnaola, Sidi Larbi Cherkaiui, Luc Dunberry and Damien Jalet who is the latest fiance of my blood of Abraham son Assaf Hochman.  What a Denishawn evening it was.

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Went with film historian Marc Siegel to the Rise Gallery in Neukolln to see Christophe Chemins solo show Jeder fur sich und Gott gegen alle which in English is Each for themselves and God against everyone.  This beautiful installation of  macabre color pencil drawings features children of the korn, feral hellmound doggies, fallen sparrows and deluse a daize  straight outta the cauliflower sphincter of Verlaine.  M. Chemin is one super original hot French chick.

Later we wound up in Wedding to catch the opening of art photog Annette Fricks Casa Baubou salon.    Treated to a moving performance from legendary jazz bassist Sirone of the Revolutionary Ensemble, and his gorgeous wife who read an audience member for not paying attention.  The bros Blue, Tim and kJohnny showed radiant musical charm with violin and cello, and a poetry reading from Sissy Tax.   Making the scene sizzle  Susanne Sachsse and her lovely 15 year old daughter Salome Gersh, Evi  Russler, Boris the famous raw foods chef, with his Irish gal pal Rochelle, writer Travis Jeppeson and Slovakian beau Mario, Aastin Brooks and Nadine, Christian Siekmieir of Exile Gallery, cinematographer Michel Belague and his Paris posse,  and Matt Helders the cute drummer of the Artic Monkeys.

***

Invited to yummy chicken dinner by Tim Blue, and the sexy young son of Patrick Duval of the Zanzibar movement was the surprise guest.  Wow!!!!

DIE KATZE AUF DEM HEIßEN BLECHDACH
Sad news to report. The legendary Hollywood actor Paul Newman died at age 83. One of the things i´ve always admired about Mr. Newman was that he was able to keep his sexual proclivities with men hidden from the press. He was married for 50 years to actress Joanne Woodward, who couldn´t care less that her handsome blue-eyed husband was a wild and wooly ganymede. My favorite picture that he directed was The Affects of Gamma Rays on Man in the Moon Marigolds that starred Ms. Woodward and their daughter Nell Potts, which was made back in the early 1970s.
***
Last nights Rising Stars, Falling Stars was utter delirium. Everyone was enjoying the early D.W.Griffith films from his Biograph Pictures period. The movie A Corner in Wheat from 1909 seemed very appropriate considering the global financial collapse that we are in the midst of. The bread lines pictured in this film foreshadowed the Great Depression, and I am sure there will be new breadlines forming soon, so mark your place in line. Received lots of compliments about my introduction where i started the proceedings by talking about D.W. Griffith being problematic. The race issue concerning the film The Klansman aka: The Birth of a Nation is not widely known in Germany, nor the black/white connundrum of the old south. I brought these issues out in a humorous, whimsical way instead of being all dogmatic and preachy which isn´t my style. I successfully got my point across. The D.W. Griffith screening seemed to resonate even more with some black visitors in the audience. Notably the young South African artists Athi-Patra Ruga and his adorable assistant Skyyy Berkowiz, who zeroed in on my handsome young German escort Uli, who is one of the most charming, intelligent and major Ms. gorgeous men in Berlin if not all Europa. Turning heads as only a big sexy black buck of a jubas jubilee can was the LA fashion designer Cornell "Wilde" Collins. Who just moved to Berlina. Mr. Collins is a friend of Laurie Pike who use to be my editrix when i wrote for her fashion mag Glue. Standing next to the super hot Mr. Collins had my usually dry fidgetty pussy getting all wet with black on black desire. For my lady cooze to start activating means Mr. Collins must be packing some mighty ganormous peni. Miss Skyyy was also getting hornific over him, but alas I am sure he does not share his giant genitals with us of the fairer sex. Also seen shmoozing: experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein and his galpal, the art photog Annette Frick whose Vetting salon Casa Baubou , Seestrasse 107 will host a special jazz dada event Saturday Oct 4 at 8pm. Speaking of major happenings Christian Siekmieir and his art posse was also flitting about. Mr. Siekmieir is opening his brand new Exile Gallery Saturday Oct 18 7-10pm with a double bill of the pier photos of Al Baltrop and Billy Miller of Straight To Hell presenting In Cock We Trust. This is a must see. Mr. Miller will be in Berlin for a residency and will also host a program that is part of the 3rd Annual Porn Film Festival. The rest of the interracial flirten, sexen and dwinken set included artist Maggie Schneider, filmmaker Dan Borden, Tilemachos "Alexander the Great" Alexiou with his pretty gay acting straight friend I-can-cope Julian, feminist cineaste Evi Rüssler, actor Sam Riley (Control),Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras showing off his hairy masculine chest, Downtown NY legend John Heys, the HAU theatre´s Anna Muelter, Lt. Commander Nanna Heidenreich with Empress Stefanie Schulte-Strathaus,composer Eunice Martin who played gloriously during the screening especially the last film An Unseen Enemy 1912 featuring the Gish Sisters, Dorothy and Lillian. The Blue Brothers kJohnny and Tim who will accompany the next Rising Stars presentation in November for the grand re-launch of the Arsenal which will feature a Felix the Cat animation salute. Daniel Hendrickson the Scandanavian Muslim and film historian Marc Siegel.
***
I caught a bit of a cold Saturday night watching the performance installation of HAU Jugend group Fight Club and Gugulective of South Afrika. What a great partnering this was and i delighted in seeing my Fight Club kids: Antonio Ciervo, Clea Funke, Alse Gül Var, Mina Stöhr, Domi Grillenberger, Jenny Patzke, Sergen and Elvin.
Also got to see the standout video installation Ukugenisa by the statuesque South Afrikan beauty Nandipha Mntambo. This was probably the best piece in the festival for all the questions that it brought to the surface. As part of an ongoing project where Ms. Mntambo will go through the process of becoming a female toreodor. Brilliant.

. . .OF BUGCHASERS AND THE WATUSSI FAGHAGS
The elfin South Afrikan artist Athi-Patra Ruga lives in a fricasse vortex of his own design caught somewhere between Middle-sex and the Marvelous Land of Oz. An Oz derived from the famous L.Frank Baum series of books (circa 1900-1919) and not the MGM technicolor extravaganza.
The opening night of Whydeboyz . . . If You Say it Fast Enough was pure testicle. Delicious in its utter zaniness. With a special guest appearance via video of long on the tooth blue movie ingenue Marcel Schlutt as the floating signifier in flagrante da-grante alongside the artist. Both donn gorgeous celebrity masks, and Mr. Ruga is resplendid in a Girlhunt Ballet gown of his own design ala Cyd Charisse in Vicente Minnelli´s The Bandwagon. Except this time its bouncing bitch tits during a rambunctious plowing. Special note should also be made of Tilemachos "Alexander the Great" Alexiou as a spot on Maria Callas contributing to the general "Ben Affleck" of the proceedings.
Mr. Ruga is certainly one young artist we will be anxious to follow.
On the social note, seen shmoozing and boozing after the HAU 2 event: The wonderful Anna Muelter, vivacious curator Ms. Stefanie, statuesque Mijke Harmsen, lovely Katrine Dodd, baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, effervescent Skyyy Berkowiz, Kiki Montpernesse aka: Kristian Petersen who contributed to editing and filming some of the performance video footage. Also ran into, and was treated to drinks by sweet Scottish Arts Counsel honcho David Leddy and his wonderful beau who are in Berlin on holiday.

PRESQUE RIEN
The lure of the negresse is her adeptness at the sexual arts. She represents danger, a sexual passion capable of satiation and consumption, the literal siphoning off of life through the draining of precious seminal liquor.
Thats basically what my hot, enormously hung German lover told me recently. Well, not exactly in such poetic terms. His big white Nina Blanchard panties are all in a bunch because his wife and I get along better then i do with him.
His spouse is very worldly, and is not troubled in the least by my affair with her husband. They have two small children, and frankly she is only married to him because he gave her pretty babies, and is independently wealthy, so she lives a secure lifestyle. When i first met him i told him i could only be with him if his wife knew about us. He just wanted to carry on behind her back in a traditional melodramatic manner. He is only 28 years old, and i am 400 which makes me too old to be somebodies mistress. So i boldly marched up to his Mrs and told her everything, and without missing a beat, she gave me her blessings.
I am only interested in him because of that giant lug between his legs. The man genitals are beyond impressive. His personality is a bit stilted in that stereotypical teutonic fashion.
Lately he´s gotten all weirded out by the unconventional nature of the relationships. I keep telling him, "well lets end it then." He doesn´t want to do that either, as he´s now too wrapped up in the Doll, and her race horse arse. I think i have properly assmatized him.
With these European men you have to give them a little then pull back. It drives them gnuts. Enough about my love life, i can´t believe i´ve been this revealing.
***
A reader from Boston wrote congragulating my scoop on the relationship of movie ingenue Anne Hathaway(The Devil Wears Prada) and her no account playboy embezzler ex-beau Raffaello Fallieri. If you remember, i broke the story of their initial pairing here in this very blog. I also said that Mr. Fallieri was a crook and hornpiglet. I knew this firsthand from my own dealings with him sniffing at my gnarly hole years ago in New York. A few mainstream new sources actually gave me some credit for breaking the story which was nice and certainly unexpected.
***
I also predicted this international global financial crises back when i was still living in Los Angeles. My lady intuition is always spot on. I inherited my Daisy Gamble powers from my Louisiana born Creole mother.
Are you ready for some more beheading of the prophet? Well i am going to give it to you whether you want to hear it or not. Here goes: The US will plunge even deeper into a depression. Not like the one in the 1930s, this one will be different but equally devastating. The Republicans will win the presidency. McCain will die in office, and Ms. Palin will become the first fremale president. If by chance by prediction is in-correct, and Obama wins. Senator McCain will still kick the proverbial bucket and Mr. Obama will be assassinated six months into office.
As the Whoracle of Delphi i only bring misfortune telling.

ÜBERLEBENSSTRATEGIEN IN TROPISCHEN METROPOLEN
Went to the opening party of the Performing South Afrika Festival at Hebbel Am Ufer last night. Very festive with all the boisterous Afrikans like bubbly Yoland Zenith Swales aka: Skyyyy.
I adore this wo-man, whose fiance is a white Jewish South African banker. Miss Swales is converting to Judaism, but is already a black Jewish princess par exellence.
Skyyy is officially the assistant and minister of information to young, energetic artist Athi-Patra Ruga. Mr. Ruga will be creating a little erotic film that will be part of his performative tryptic. HAU´s pretty Mijka Harmsen procured for him the services of blue movie star Marcel Schlutt, who is also one of the stars of Bruce LaBruce´s latest film Otto-Up With Dead People, which will be screened for Halloween at MOMA in New York.
Joining in the crisp outdoor frivolities and munching on delicious WAU Cafe ravioli: the baby diaper himself Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, with silver foxx paramour Weiland Speck of the Berlinales Panorama Section, Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, it girl Anna Muelter, Miss Stephanie the curator of the Festival, the cute kids of Fightclub, the Hebbel´s jugund theatre group who are working with the South Afrikan art kollective Gugulective, Amazonian beauty Nandipha Mntambo who created the video Ukungenisa that plays in the foyer of HAU Zwei.

THIS BRUTAL SONIC
All my Nuyorican readers please go see Brian Kenny´s first solo art show "Targets & Etchings at the 5+5 Gallery, 111 Front Street at Dumbo in Brooklyn. The exhibit will be on view from Sept 18-Oct 30th. Brian usually collaborates with his hot Russian lover, Slava Mogutin on projects, but this time he is on his own and it should be quite a delight, as Brian isn´t just an overwhelmingly beautiful young man with big suckable feet and large unruly penis, but is quite a youthful art talent and complete sweatheart. Most gay boys with his looks are arrogant and obnoxious, but Brian is softspoken, dear, hyper masculine and uber butch realness without coming across as too affected.
***
Miss Skyyyy the bubbly and effervescent assistant to South Afrikan artist Athi-Ruga cooked a glorious din din the other night. The buck wildness continued until the wee hours. Lots of screaming, laughing and hollering plus Anna Muelter of the HAU who is the production coordinator with Athi´s project, baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, Catherine Sullivan dancer Assoff Hochman, Alexander the Great and his French cotillion and some fellow South Afrikers who are part of the festival at Hebbel celebrating South Afrikan art and artists. I´m going to the opening party later tonight-yowza!

STRICTLY DICKLY
The change of seasons as usual made me sickly the last few days, so i missed a bunch of exciting happenings like Nanna Heidenreich´s birthday blast in Friedrichshain and the going away soiree for Sabina of Neu Kölln. Sabina is the dear sweet lesbian ex-roommate of Kjohnny Blue and she is off to Thailand for a sabbatical. I was also too ill to attend the solo show of Christophe Chemin´s latest drawings at the Rise Gallery in Neu Kölln. Saturday i felt better and took a long bike ride out to Dallum, where i caught glimpse of a bubble butt, thick thighed blondine boy---yummy!!!!! Later in the afternoon i met with Anna Muelter of HAU for drinks at Melitta Sundstrum with the Johannesburg artist Athi-Patra Ruga who will be presenting his tryptic performance piece Whydeboyz on Sept 25 at HAU ZWEI. Mr. Ruga and his delightful companion, the South Afrikan curator Skyye were a joyous hoot as we scared away all the Germans eating al fresco with our loud auslander rambunctiousness. Can´t wait to see this performance which will also feature the beautiful Greek passive boy Alexander the Great singing a Maria Callas aria in baritone.
Later in the evening the baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras came over to the Cheese Endique Trifecta for a visit. Of course Mr. Gibb had spent his latest tour fornicating left and right with a variety of well endowed men. Check out the Hidden Cameras interview in the sex issue of Attitude Magazine, the sad British fag glossy.
Joel talked me into returning to Melittas for a night cap. We ran into Ricardo of the popular weenager danceclub Berlin Hilton, who was doing a version of his party with the people who do Proxi at the Schwuz. He invited us to come in, so we did and ran gob smack into Mr. Ruga who is a big Hidden Cameras fan. It all was becoming a little tedius, as Berlin nitelife sometimes can be, so we all decided to flee, and ran into another Hidden Cameras fan who told us gossip about the Melitta Sundstrum Cafes baldheaded owner, whose ex-lover opened up the bar next door, appropriately named Drama for spite. This young gossipeuse also said the owner of Melitta refuses to hire women, preferring his staff to be young hot boys of the well-endowed persuasion. I feel like i am giving you too much information.
***
Last night had a sumpteous feast prepared for me by Piero Bonnehomme of the Piero Collezione with his lover Daniel Hendrickson the Scandanavian Muslim. Piero also showered me with lots of swag from his latest season of separates and houseware items.
***
Ms. Vaginal Davis can make a mistake! Yes the doll isn´t perfect. It was pointed out to me by fans of this very blog that I misspelled the name of Julien Nitzberg, the writer and filmmaker from Los Angeles. I have gone back to the offending items of a few days ago and made ammends and updated some of the information. Its also been leaked to me that Mr. Nitzberg may have his new film premiered at the Berlinale and wants la diva as his date. I hope that doesnt get me into any trouble with Franka Potente.

THE WORLD´S MOST GRUESOME MONSTER
An old friend sent me a blog link with an interview with an old collaborator of mine from the 1980s named Tim Hensley. Tim use to have an incredible band called The Victor Banana and they played with my group The Afro Sisters on more then one occasion. I even had a bit of a crush on Tim, that culminated in a little platonic romance for half a minute. I always wondered what happened to him. He was an odd one. Look who´s talking.
Anyway he is now a cartoonist like his friend Dan Clowes, he even did the soundtrack to Clowes´graphic novel Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron. Tim´s father is the keyboard player for Neil Diamond. Tim is a genius. The pics i saw of him on the web showed that he is now fat, middleaged looking and married. Will write more, but i am out of time at this tired internet cafe.

BASQUE INVECTIVE
A New York Times columnist recently emailed me asking my opinion about the young filmmaker Brian Hecker. At first that tag didn´t ring any Gregoriac bell jars, then i remembered that i gave Mr. Hecker the nickname of Beautiful Baby Brian when he first became roommates with top movie costume designer Susan "Crepe Suzette" Mathelson. Suzette really believed in him, and was doing everything in her great power to propel his career in the mainstream industry. I was always a little wary of BBB thinking that he was a user taking advantage of the Crepe´s vast generosity. The cynic in me feels that if an attractive, much younger man is living rent free with a successful older woman in her lavish Hollywood Hills home, he had better be giving her fierce goodies on an hourly basis. Suzette helped him with his AFI graduate thesis film Bart Got a Room which starred William H. Macy, and that flick did well at all the festivals and has propelled him to a place where he is now working on a biopic of Atari founder Nolan Bushnell, that will get released through Paramount and star A-lister Leonardo DiCaprio. The buzz i´ve heard even here in Germany is that all of Hollywood is a-ga-ga. Baby Brian goes through Asian women like cleenex, and you know the old adage: white guy who does Asian chicks is a closet homosexual. Brian collaborated on an installation at my big arts festival Platinum Oasis years ago, and was quite the hornpig. In the big picture window of his installation motel room he put on quite a sex show with a nubile young Asian lass. He was trying to lure an uber humpy Swiss male artist into the room for a hot buttered threegy, but to no avail.
I just hope that now he has become a hot property in LaLa-landia he pays Suzette back by hiring her to do the costumes for all his films. Something tells me that now that he´s successful, it will be later days sweetie! I hope not.
Another old LA pal Julien Nitzberg, who i met when he was one of my Cal Arts Students, has become tight with actor Johnny Knoxville, who is funding his full length documentary, The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia about Jesco White and his family of tap dancing Elvis impersonators. Johnny Knoxville is Julien´s new BFF. Another famous Johnny, namely Johnny Depp will produce Julien´s Tiny Tim script that will star John Turturro as Tiny Tim. I think Mr. Turturro is a little long on the tooth to play the lead. Tiny Tim wasn´t exactly a spring Chicken during his famous heyday in the late 60s, but i think a younger actor playing him would be better, though i can´t imagine who.
***
The other day i went to Frankenstein 5000 in Neu Kölln and was approached by a man i will call "The Beard" who was proud of the fact that before coming to the pub, he downed a whole bottle of Vodka, and wasn´t intoxicated. Newsflash! He was very much intoxicated. Thats sexy Berlin for you.

 BRIEF VON ZU HAUSE
Just received some sweet emugs from some pals of mine in the states.  Hope you enjoy them.

o daughter of the sour grapes,
i hear you on the no day job/no dinner trip. i think the solution is hustling,
but without the barnes patheticness. those kind of highways workshops are
pathetic, and even more so when they're gimmicky. if someones serious about vocal
training they need to do time with juliana, not some group singalong session.
i can't wait to travel and get out of here. funny when you think of people who
work hard like XXX but are too cheap and paranoid to enjoy it really... and
why worry about the mrs? as judy says, what's she clinging so dearly to life
for? did you see that peter berlin documentary? he's tooting his horn about
still being alive, then sort of reflects that he's the only one left and not
enjoying the decomposition process. i wanted him to be more interesting but it
was a slice of life.
Ms. Fudge is married to a tall, handsome ginger headed man, very masculine,
who's wrapped up her fat black ass. she's so into it she moved to long beach to
live with him about 6 or so months ago. she's the ultimate late bloomer. and i
don't think she's had anything to do with the mr. dan lot for years, though she
still does her thurs. dirty dirty house club at akbar. she came to the
performance showcase we did, and the little going away dinner party i had for
franko. its good to see her on the high horse.

can't wait to see prof. doyle, and yes that man of hers was tearin it up.

i'll get some pics online so you can see what our students did, heather of toxic
titties got super butch with cars racing around her in a dusty field and did a
fight choreography routine, the dust like heavy fog, dramatic car headlights,
was like dude art ramped up. and manuel did a series of poses naked with women,
and then ended it standing up with this young trannygirl holding his cock while
he took a long piss. and a dyke did a piece where she climbed out of the
skylight in a silver airstream trailor turning into chicken coop, dropped to the
ground, crawled through a trail of dog dukey (with a thick tubing unit up her
ass), and disappeared into a bathtub. dukey, piss, pussy, we had it all.

what else is there really? besides money, drugs, and extravagant fox furs?

warm daddy love
***
Hey Ms. Davis, New York was super fun.  the highlite had to be
the sex party in Kenny Sharfs glow room.  his studio is this giant
warehouse in Brooklyn, the basement of which he turned into a black
light room with all of his sculptures painted glow-in-the-dark.  I
guess he just started having sex parties there, just for his voyeur
pleasure, he didn't take part.  I didn't mind him watching as some of
the hottest big dicked twinks in New York showed up for some
psychedelic fun.  mushrooms and acid were being passed around like gum
drops.   a number of the guys there I'd hooked up with before, this
was not surprising as the gay new york scene in particular is raging
with hormones.  There was this one boy I had sex with last year there
who is sooo dreamy, I'm not really into hairy guys but he's sexy, a
true "otter".  He's got a really thin and tight built body that you
can tell just recently started growing hair (and lots of it!)  every
inch of his body is covered in dark thick woolly mammoth fur, except
for his ass hole which is super smooth. i remember fucking him about a
year ago and it was so perfect- and smelly and manly... at the party
we just exchanged blowjobs because apparently he has a boyfriend or
something now.  Later I spent what had to be about two hours drooling
on one of the biggest Jewish penis I've ever seen.  OMG it was so big,
the head just seemed to get bigger and bigger as he throbbed harder
and harder...  There was no way I could take it on my own so luckily
there were a few others who didn't mind helping.  but the party really
 got started when 4 of us took turns fucking some super hot
tall hung Scottish dude.  it was classic, the guy must have been
holding his load for weeks before the party because he came about
fives different times while we were all fucking him.  I came in his
mouth which he eagerly swallowed.  one guy really wanted to creme in
his asshole but the scottish guy wouldn't let him.   Instead he just
ended up just cumming on his hole which was pretty hot, and provided a
nice juicy lubed hole for me the next time around.  after that I was
messing around with some kid who had to be a young 16, some art
student who was obviously there because Kenny was throwing the party.
He was pretty shy but had a beautiful soft penis and his cum tasted so
fresh.  We just 69ed for a while and then he fucked me and came in my
mouth.  and then even later in the night me and this other swimmer guy
were flip fucking for what seemed like hours..  I've got to say, I am
generally skeptical of anything that touts itself as a "sex party" but
this one really came through.  there were none of those old trolls
that usually swarm like a pack of flies to shit at the phrase "sex
party". nope, none of those nasty fat old men rubbing their cocks on
any centimeter of hot young flesh they can brush up against without
asking.  Ugh!  i HATE that.  there were even some nice girls there.
there was a dj so there was a lot of people were dancing and what not
as all the sex happened.  as people entered the party they all took
off their cloths and were painted by Kenny or others with glow in the
dark paint.  it was a pretty hippie/jungle gesture but ended up
looking cool.  and all of our cum glowed in the dark:-)

22 CENTS
My nephew and his wife live in Alaska, got an email from him that the Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin and her preggers teenage daughter Bristol Palin are very sweet. My nephews oldest son is good friends with Bristol´s boyfriend Levi Johnston, who is a very light skinned black boy in the Wentworth Miller mulatto tradition. I bet the mainstream press haven´t picked up on that little item yet. But give them time,I´m sure they will.

MARY SHELLY´S SHALLAC
Only in Berlin kids, only in Berlin! Today i saw three, count em three! beedy eyed, in-bred Frankenstein monsters while riding my bike running errands . Two were quite young, and one was middle aged with the requisite brain surgery scar tissue. The only thing that was missing were the bolts in the neck and the elevator shoes----scary.

L´IMPORTANT CÉST DA`IMER
Exhausted from spending the last four days August 28-31st at the Sun Screens Summer experimental film festival at Kino Arsenal in Potsdamer Platz. Lovely Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Nanna Heidenreich and their glorious hardworking crew put on this wonderful highly ambitious end of summer event, which was very successful.
It all reminds me of the Get That Gnut, Filmy Films & Electronic Cinema Festy that i created and curated at the Re-Solution Gallery with Lawence Elbert(Days of Pentacost) in Hollywood back in the mid 1990s. There were no experimental film festivals in LA at the time so we were grave digging from scratch with absolutely no budget. Looking back i sure must have been a certified loonster to take on such a big project. What we were doing at the time was so novel, that we got a lot of good press and huge crowds. I kept the programming fairly simple only having screenings in the evening and keeping all the programs brief. Even with short subjects, it is a necessity to make sure that nothing lasts longer then 30 minutes tops. People in LA have notoriously short attention spans bordering on ADD.
I also invited academics who don´t get enough attention from the academy to give consise lectures. I provided them with the themes, and told each one that if they were verbose and went past their alloted time, I´d humiliate them by kicking them off the podium with the old vaudeville hook. That threat kept them all in line and focused, plus i was providing them with an expanded audience outside of their usual university grift.
Perhaps with the help of Anna Muelter i can re-adapt the concept for Berlin and do a traveling Get That Gnut that takes audience groups to different artists and filmmakers flats for screenings. Tim Blue has also expressed an interest in doing something along these lines. But getting back to Sun Screens. The opening night was exciting with a book and dvd launch for Christine Noll Brinckmann. I especially loved seeing her shorts West Village Meat Market from 1979 and Dress Rehearsal & Karola 2 from 1981. I was impressed with a a young Karola Gramann of Uberhausen and The Asta Nielsen Foundation wearing jelly shoes, and looking somewhat Annie Hall-ish. Sitting next to me in the theatre was cute young film scholar Christiane F. Weber, who wasn´t even born when these movies were made.
The next evenings highlight was a program of works by my Cheap collegue Tim Blue along with his friend Paul Rowley. Tim & Paul have been co-conspirators for many years and cross polinate each others work. Paul is from Ireland and is the darling of the Irish Arts Counsel, and his movies and film installations have garnered lots of recognition internationally.
Saturday as part of the big Benefit for Kino Arsenal my monthly silent film survey, Rising Stars, Falling Stars morphed into a spectacular gala, with a special magical rooftop garden presentation that made the top of the Sony Center come alive. As i was getting my face beat, members of the public were invited to become junior papparazzo and take poloroids of me that were auctioned off to the highest bidder. I couldn´t believe that my pics sold more then Isabella Rossellini´s Berlinale ID badge. Later all the Cheapies including, Mark Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson, the Blue Bros. Tim & Kjohnny and the divine Susanne Sachße, who is starring in a new movie directed by lesbian feminist Maria Beatty contributed to the live soundtrack of Germaine Dulac´s La Souriante Madame Beudet.
Seen mixing it up under the spell of a moonlit night: Maggie Schneider who did the installations in the foyer of the Arsenal, artist Marie Cusre, filmmaking gamine Marie Losier who closed the festival with a screening and discussion of her hilarious shorts The Touch Re-Touched, the Passion of Joean of Arc, Lunch Break on the Xerox Machine, and Manuelle Labor featuring Guy Maddin´s hands. Director and actor Lajos Talamonti with documentary theatre kingpin Hans Werner Krösinger, tranny legendina Zazie De Paris,experimental writer/musician Mario Mentrup, video artist Judith Hopf, Cynthia Beatt the 80s Berlin filmmaking legend and best friend with actress Tilda Swinton, Angela Melitapoulos, Heinz Emigholt, The Florians: Wüst and Zeyfang, the poet Ines, Ute Aurand & Johannes, Wilhelm Hein & Annette Frick, Erika Claus the Canadian Cultural Attache, French it boy Christophe Chemin, whose big solo show Jeder Für Sich Und Gott Gegen Alle will open on Sept 12th at Rise Gallery on Hertzbergstrasse 27 in Neukölln,Anna Muelter, the lovesexy Brückner Brothers: Florian, Franz Xaver and Maxmillian,super duper preciously spiessig Turkish ganymede filmmaker/artist Köken Ergun, who many a gay blade on the prowl during the festival thought was attractive until they heard him speak during his cinema talk after the screening of his hauty pro consumerist, capitalist shorts. Sitting with the patrician Mr. Ergun who use to be an assistant to Robert Wilson, was twee British DAAD guest curator Ian White, stylish Mijke Harmsen, the jugend & musik programming chief of the Hebbel Am Ufer, young raw foods celebrity chef Boris Lauser, Arsenal founders The Gregors, professor Jennifer Doyle with date Senol Senturk, Steffan Geene of bbooks, Evelyn Russler and Isabel Spengler who screened their hilarious new kinky experimental sex film,cute Arsenal booty pie assistant Garrett Woltemath, the Neu Köln Sabinas, Piero Bonnehomme of the Piero Kollezione, my gorgeous NYU student Mila Geisler, Angie Baby,Ruth Schoenegge the talented film editor of Berlin Stories series from 2001 and DJ Olga Damnitz from Hanover.

SERRAS DA DESORDEM
Had a perfect luncheon with Dr. Jennifer Doyle of UC Riverside who has been on a fellowship to London for the past year, but is now in Berlin with her hot young Turkish lover Senol Senturk. Senol has worked with Cheap for many years collaborating on our live performances and installations, and he is also part of bbooks kollective in Kreuzberg. I am so happy that two amazing and incredibly talented, gifted people have found each other and are enjoying a hot buttered romance. Dr. Doyle just finished a new book that will certainly be explosive. Just as powerful as her last tome, "Sex Objects, and the Dialectics of Desire" Which has been an insanely popular crossover hit in a million different circles. Dr. Doyle continues to sock it to the tired establishment in the lame, tame art world and academy. You go girl!!!!!
Spent a delightful evening with my former Club Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez and his super studly ginger beau Patrick. Frank took me out to din din and drinks at the Prinz Konnect and Wolf, bear daddy bar. Frank told me that his best friend from Vassar College Julian Nitzberg had a year old love affair with German and Hollywood actress Franka Potenta of Run Lola Run fame. Franka was so smitten with Julian she was flying him back and forth from LA to Berlin, and wanted to have his babies. He even attended a posh event with Fraulein Potenta where he got to meet Queen Elizabeth of England and her husband Prince Phillip who did some male bonding with Julian over a shared love for bawdy jokes and ribald humour. Jullian has had a minor success with a light opera he wrote the libretto for called The Beastly Bombing. I had introduced Julian to a number of eligible women over the years including British live artist Marissa Carnesky who also went gaga for him. I like Julian but he is selfish, egotistical and bratty. Those being some of his better qualities.
Went to see the French musical film "Chanson d´Amour directed by Christophe Honore´featuring the ethereal beauty of Louis Garrel with lucsious Ludivine Sagnier and Chiara Mastroianni, the daughter of Catherine Denueve and Marcello Mastroianni. Ms. Mastroianni looks more like her auntie Francoise Dorleac then her famous mother or father. I loved the film. Musicals are very difficult to make in our modern era, but this film had a sweet Jacque Demy quality to it that made me swoon.

LEG DICH NICHT MIT ZOHAN AN
Lovely dinner at Boris Lauser´s elegant penthouse apartment at Moritzplatz. Boris is a raw foods chef from Rome who is pals with Travis Jeppeson and his beau Mario. Travis just came back from Prague, where he will be returning every month to supervise the whorgyiastic sex action between 30 Euroboys Gone Wild, a video series featuring some of the humpiest eastern European lads that money can rent.
Earlier in the afternoon, Daniel Hendrickson the Scandanavian Muslim, Kjohnny Blue and i went to the Arsenal for a meeting with Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathaus and Nanna Heidenreich to go over the last minute details of the big Sunscreens Summer Experimental Film Festival special Rising Stars, Falling Stars Presentation on Saturday. Got to check out the pretty rooftop garden which will make the evening particularly sparkling and magical. Was also introduced to DAAD Fellowship guest curator from England Ian White. Miss Stefanie also presented me with a copy of the gorgeous handcrafted art book that she edited called The Primal Scream, which features the films and text of Christine Noll Brinckmann.
Frank Rodriguez is in town with his ginger lover Patrick, and so is Professor Jennifer Doyle and filmmaker Marie Losier. This should be one sensational week.

DISASSOCIATIVE SPARKLE
My little young blonde neighbor Jonathan Wuermeling is so cute and bubbly with a great personality. He is from Stuttgard, and is attending business school in Berlin. He just celebrated his 19th birthday, and i met his sweet friends all warm , genuine and personable. He was an exchange student in Kentucky so he speaks English with a Southern dialect which is quite charming for a German. His school year ended so he went back to his hometown and will return to Berlina in October. My only other neighbor in the hinter haus is on the 1st floor, a woman who has lived in the building for over 35 years. She´s a bit shy but very friendly. I´m lucky i have a shower in my apartment lavatory. For over three decades my poor neighbor has had to take whore baths. Billie Ray Martin, the singer of the international club hit from the mid 90s “Loving Arms” was living two floors below me. Billie´s real name is Birgit Diekmann and she is from Hamburg. David Harrow of Technova who i collaborated with a few years ago on the album Electrosexual also worked with Billie on her hit record. I like Billie Ray, she is quite a talent, but the poor girl is somewhat of a dark cloud. I have to admit i was glad she moved out of the building. An Italian waiter also moved, probably because Billie was constantly complaining about the noise he made. I never once saw him. A gay Brazillian boy moved in after him, but i´ve only seen him once, maybe he moved too. I guess i am lucky that in my apartment building there are no drunken crusties. Both Tim and Kjohnny Blue have alcoholic German crusties in their apartment houses, and believe me you dont want to have to deal with a sour piece of crust.
The other night i went by Frankenstein 5000 and a lot of the Turkish boys were bringing their girlfriends to the bar. I guess thats the first step in coming out in that community. Some white fags also brought women, which is quite an unusual sight in a cruise bar. A few of the more adventurous gals were taking a stroll through the basement dark room. I love it when the ladies infiltrate a male sex space. There should be more of that, as darkrooms in Berlin for the most part are pretty pathetic. Havings some feminine energy in them would liven things up a bit
I am getting a little irritated by this trend of institutions like collleges, universities, film festivals and museums in the states contacting me for information, or wanting screener copies of my experimental film ouvre but not bringing me out for a presentation , Don´t waste my time and the time of my faithful assistants Andrea Novarin, Verle Oberon and Gleeson Brevard. Listen out there in cyberland and listen good. Don´t contact me unless you have a firm offer on the table i have to pay rent just like everyone else, so why would i respond to anything that doesnt offer me a guaranteed honorarium. And please dont insult me by asking for something for free . And this goes for all you crafty careerist academics. I am not flattered by your wanting to write about me, of course you want to write about someone interesting. In academia if you dont publish you are in great peril. I cant tell you how sick i am of these academics who write to my staff requesting me for a visiting artist gig and start off saying how little of a budget they have. That will get you no where. Join forces with several departments and raise an appropriate budget before you approach one of my representatives. I use to work at UCLA and i know how the system works.
While i´m venting Printed Matter and the NY Art Book Fair have been contacting me asking me questions about Fertile La Toyah Jackson Magazine. One of the young assistants working with AA Bronson got me a little peeved when in one of his emails he asked me to send some original writing, and they would consider it . . .like i was soliciting them or something. Darlings you contacted me, i didnt contact you. I spoke to Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts,and he also was put off by this kid, so i don´t think i was being too sensitive. Us Black drag queens are notorious for being easily offended, so dont committ a faux pas with us. When i use to work at the LA Weekly the movie studios would call all the time wanting us to send them old articles, that they were thnking about making a movie of. I would tell them to go to the LA Public Library and research it themselves, or pay me as a consultant. It would have been nice if the the NYArt Book Fair had flown me out, hired me as a DJ or speaker or something. Throw us old gals a bone or two.
ALICE LEBT HIER NICHT MEHR
Had brunch with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, our last before he goes off on another European tour. Joel is also looking for a new apartment as he is sick of living in trendy gentrified Prenzlauerber. We ate at Melitta Sunstrum in the Mehringdamm area. In the hof behind the cafe was some drag event. Later in the evening i went by Frankenstein 5000 and saw the German man that Tim Blue and i call “The Chin”. I swear this guy has the largest chin in the world, he looks just like the 60s cartoon character Dudley Dooright. I´ve seen him during the day and he is a gay version of the popular Neu Kölln crustie. A crusties job is to drink morning, noon and night and they have a great work ethic when it comes to this occupation.
Got an email from a young fan of my movie reviews. I still get invited to screenings of European and Hollywood films, here in Berlin, but don´t always make comment on these pics. But since i was asked here goes:
The Nanny Diaries-Not a good film, but Chris Evans as the male romantic interest looks meaty and very chewable. Lesbian singer Alicia Keys steals every scene she is in. Not even pros like Laura Linney and Paul Giamatti can help this wussy of a feature. I like Scarlette Johanssen. One day she will be a good actress, she is personable, attractive and has a great screen presence like Lana Turner during her ingenue years in the early 1940s in films like Johnny Eager.
Hancock-I actually liked Tom Cruise´s black well endowed lover Will Smith in this mess of an action six reeler. Poor Charlize Theron seems embarrased, and i don´t blame her having to play the wife of Jason Bateman..
Mamma Mia-Where is Nancy Walker when you need her? Nancy directed the Village People in Can´t Stop the Music in 1980. She should have been at the helm of this Dullywood musical.
EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT
Wir varen mal kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo-Yes the famous Christiane F. is now at age 46 a junky celebrity once again, but this time a Kottbusser Tor crusty at the Kottbusser Tor U-bahn station in Kreuzberg. Don’t I keep you all abreast of all the important facts and tidbits?

WARTIKA HEPBURN
Went to Frankenstein 5000 with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his super sexy lover Piero Bonnehomme, of the Piero Collezione. Danny and Piero were already drunk, when i joined them at the bar. They had been to a fancy dinner in Charlottenberg, hosted by two septegenarian lovers who made their fortune selling stamps to the likesis of Queen Elizabeth of England.
Ran into Fred, the American lighting designer who worked with us on Cheap´s It Happened to Me back in 2005. Fred has lived in Berlin for over 20 years and is the housequeen of Frankenstein 5000. There were actually a lot of people at the pub. I guess with the summer tourist season they have been experiencing an upswing with attendence. A few years ago someone OD´d in the darkroom and no one noticed the dead body till the early morning. Only in Berlin kids.
On the video screen they were playing a Bel Ami blue movie starring a Michael Phelps look-a-like who even had la lady Phelps lanky frame and size 14 feet. Yowza!
Looking forward to the Sunscreens Summer Experimental Film Festival at the Arsenal that will take place August 29-31st. Mark your calenderia for Aug 30th as kollective Cheap will provide the accompanyment to the Germaine Dulac film La Souriante Madame Beudet (1923) as part of a special Rising Stars, Falling Stars. And the Arsenal is going through a major shift with a name change to the Arsenal Research Center for Film and Video. Arsenal will involve themselves with more educational programs and other scholarly pursuits with an international focus. The new Arsenal premieres November 1st.
Nancy Barton, one of my old LA pals from the early 1980s is now a dean with the NYU Art School, and one of her young students in their program is visiting and working in Berlin for the summer. Her name is Mila Geisler and she is part German and Korean, a gorgeous statuesque beauty with a bright and winning personality. She spent some time with me at the Cheese Endique Trifecta and we had a blast together and i gave her some high heel training. She also took me to dinner around the corner at the cafe Toughstein where we had a hoot of a time. Ms. Geisler has a hunky ex-Marine for a boyfriend who is playing himself in the HBO drama Generation Kill. His name is Rudy Reyes and he is the personafication of manliness. If you don´t believe me go to his web site at www.RudyReyes.com.
Had a drink with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras before he met with Peaches at some club in Mitte that was playing rap music from the year 1988. They wanted me to join them, but my old knock knee problem raised its ugly head as well as some projectile diahrrea, so a hippity hop evening was decidedly out of the question.

CORVA BICTIM
Everyone is visiting Berlin these days now that the city has a hip cache, and this summer I´ve had a plethora of Californians dropping by. Yesterday Mr. Tom Christie, the Arts Editor of the LA Weekly stopped by my Cheese Endique Trifecta with his young lady friend Mara. We had a hoot of a time gossiping about former collegues and what not, and drinking wine spritzers. Mr. Christie´s son is now 19 and his daughter 16. I remember when they were little children roaming the halls of the Sunset & Highland LA Weekly offices. The Weekly has now moved to Culver City. Who´s decision was that? Not a smart choice if you ask me. By moving the offices to the westside, it completely undermines what the paper has always been about, but then again, its not about anything these days so perhaps its fitting. Mr. Christie´s son is best friends with Bela Messex, who is the oldest child of Kim Jones and Monty Messex who were just visiting me a few weeks before i had my performances in London. Bela will be in Berlin for the entire summer like last year. He and Mr. Christie´s son will be hanging out together. I really adored Mr. Christie´s ex-wife Claire, she was very glamorous and sultry, reminding me of the actress Joan Bennett.
Mr. Christie use to live in the same artist compound in Silverlake on Sanborn Street where Ron Athey has now lived for over a decade. Its a very famous grouping of bungalows. Jon Bok, the artist who designed the interiors of all the House of Blues nightclubs all over the world use to live there, and artist Larry Pittman was shot by a gang banger at the location.
My old partner from Club Sucker Frank Rodriguez and his beautiful ginger boyfriend Patrick, who is a talented artist, are coming to town either at the end of this week or the beginning of the next. I haven´t been on speaking terms with Frank for many years, but its all placentia water under the bridge now that i live abroad, so it will be nice to see him and his smoldering hot lover.

SLUGGISH GONAD
Still receiving tons of emugs from England about my recent shows there, and also an avalanche of responses from the You Tube trailer/preview of my new experimental film series "DeRohan Chabot". I am kindof weirded out by You Tube, Facebook and all these modernist inventions. I guess i am just too old school for my own good.
Mr. Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern sent some pics of my Pink Mass performance, and i look kinda cute surrounded by mylar balloons. Very Warholia. I am missing London very much. They have some tired art fags and such, but there are so many international beauties roaming that olde town. One great memory that keeps flooding my brainiac is the sublime luncheon Stuart took Dominic Johnson, Dean Samashima and i to at Victoria Park where we ate next to a glorious Trumpeter Swan pond, as a summer shower cooled us off.
Yesterday i ran around with Joel "Baby Diaper" Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. Joel showed me some new art work that will be in a show he's having in Berlin along with G.B.Jones and Christophe Chemin. He also let me see the new short film he directed and its major Ms. Gorgeous. That Joel is a brilliant musician, filmmaker and beauty boy. It doesnt get better then that. Sunday i had brunch with Anna Muelter, the it girl of the Hebbel Theatre. Anna is pure joy, and i always have a fun time with her, plus she knows how to take care of her Ms. Davis doll.

CLAMSTEAD HEATH
Returned to Berlin in the midst of a heatwave. Yucky! Went immediately into a coma, and slept what seemed like days. Got a cute email from Ms. Bee Shaffer, the vivacious daughter of Vogue Magazines Anna Wintour. Bee was sorry she and her mother missed my Bistrotheque shows, as they were in London, but she tells me that Agyness Deyn and handsome record producer Mark Ronson were there and heard me sing "Tom Cruise Loves Woman", and that Mr. Ronson is dying to work with me on a music project. What that means i have no idea, and the thought is a little scary to say the least. I met Anna Wintour and her daughter through designer Rick Owens, and they get a kick out of my irreverence, as they have no one in their lives quite like me. They will be coming to Berlin soon, staying at the Hotel de Rome, so I am sure they will take me out to a nice fancy din din, where we will spend the evening gossiping, gossiping and then more gossip.
While in London i had a fun time zipping about town with the Tate Modern´s Stuart Comer. Stuart use to be a regular at my mid 90s sexy punk rock beer bust Club Sucker. Back then he worked at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles and lived in the famous Abortion House of the Stars in the Silverlake Hills right next to the Shakespeare Troll Bridge and up the street from John Marshall High School. Clint Eastwood also lived in the house in the late 1950s, and i used it as a location for my Woody Allen "Interiors" parody in my short film The White to Be Angry in the section titled "Riche Jewish Husband".
While in Missy England i was givin copies of Dik Fagazine from Warsaw and Pablo International Magazine which features another Club Sucker regular Tall Paul Gellman on the cover.
Getting a million emails from people responding to my new short film series DeRohan Chabot. The trailer is on You Tube, and i showed one of the films in the series at Bistrotheque where it got a thunderous response.

CORNFED, CORNHOLE & CORNWALL
I am still in merry old queen mumdom of England. Last night was the last of my events with this residency at The Bistrotheque. My performance which was called The Ginger Concubine was a total mess from beginning to end, but somehow it all worked. How i don't know. Bistrotheque is an art cabaret, and high end restaurant with delicious food. Last night there was a host of celebutants that included British artist Tracey Emin and her new beau actor Orlando Bloom. You get your gnut Miss Tracey, who is my age, Mr. Bloom being a youthquaking fleshpot. There is more to tell, but i have to run and get a smidgeon to eat with Dominic Johnson, and the Love Camel.
***
Back from munching out at this cute little lesbianic cafe in SoHo. The only place in the area where people are friendly. It was nice spending time with Dom and Love Camel. Love Camel helped me tremendously with all three shows, creating a special Ginger Appreciation video, and securing some spectacular photos of humpy ginge delights. He also created the before and after the show music, as well as my performance soundtrack, that consisted of Cambodian, Thai and Turkish surf rider sounds. Love Camel's day job is with the British Film Institute. The Camel has been devoted to the Vaginal Davis doll since i first met him in Milan in 1996.
Dom Johnson who is one of the youngest most beautiful academics in Britain teaches at Queen Mary College, and hosted me on this trip for two glorious nights at his South London compound that i like to call Edith Wharton Estates. The last few nights were spent with Mr. Comer and his new young gentleman caller Nicholas, a 22 year old St. Martins grad who looks like a young Montgomery Cliff (circa the Heiress)crossed with Andrew Cunanan .
Getting back to the audience at my show. I had a spirited bunch that included the entire Lesbian Soccer Team that professor Jennifer Doyle hung with while she was in Britain, also famed scholar Rachel "Savage Theory"Moore, with her drop dead gorgeous daughter, and her sexy young pals who all just graduated from Goldsmith College, and were in a high celebratory mood. Studly academe Gavin Butt, was looking particularly desireable, along with Susanne of No Bra fame, performance artist Oreet Ashery, Yusi Etiman and the other members of the Basso collektive, luscious Karol & Pawel from Dic Fagazine of Warsaw, artist Henrik Olesen, Elias Redstone, the director of Architechture Foundation, Benjamin Alexander Huseby, the bi-continental Norweigan artsticle, Kamal Ackarie of Forma, who produced Charles Atlas' work with Antony and the Johnsons, delightful Lee Adams of Club Kaos with his sweet lookalike life partner. I don´t know how so many people fit in the space, but also seen was Sarah McCrory of Studio Voltaire and the Publishing Fair, humpalicious Craig Garrett, DJ at the Cock and editor at Phaidon with super sizzle of a girlfriend Connie and pal. Craig and i go back with each other as he is the platonic lover of Andrew Gould, who i use to do Bricktops with in LA. Craig is one of the most manly looking men alive and has a penis that is 24 centimeters long. Mike Skinner of the Streets, with well endowed Skaly lad looking artist Jim Richards, who had a show at the ICA where he made these blankets with images of Keith Haring and his blatino lovers and gallerists. Leave it to the ICA to adore art that only makes reference to the sacred monied $cash bovines of the art world.
David, who manages the Bistrotheque with his lover Pablo Leon de la Barra, formerly of the Blow de la Barra Gallery was sweet and well organized, and made me feel very welcome during the residency. We worked well together, and i'd love to come back and do something again at the space which was great with a delightful staff of booty pies, including a tall Lithuanian barkeep who really floated my proverbial boat.
Sunday i hosted and DJ'd the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Beer Bust, and boy was there a lot of people milling about dwinking and such. The party mix of Tim Blue visuals really kept the crowd in awe and some photographers were using it as a backdrop for portraits all night. I wore the wrong outfit for such a warm afternoon event. I shouldn't have worn my Rick Owens dress with a catsuit under it. Really, what was i thinking? After about an hour behind the wheels of steel doing my spinderella take, i turned into a sweat beast, looking uglier then a Kottbusser Tor crusty. Dom and I joined Mr. Comer and old LA pal turned international arts grifter Maynard Monroe up in the restaurant for a hearty gourmand meal. Maynard is the bastard daughter of Marilyn and JFK, his mother didn't die of an overdose as reported in the media but giving birth to him.
Saturday was my first night of the residency where i performed and hosted the Pink Mass for Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern. The evening was beyond packed with a who ´s who of names beginning with Nils Norman, artist and friend of the late Colin de Land, Alice Rawsthorn, the design critic with the Hearst International Paper and New York Times, Catherine Wood, performance curator with the Tate Modern, Vanessa DeSclaux, hot French curator, Charles Atlas, art historian Clair Bishop, Dale Cornish, Christian Marclay, Jop of Butt Magazine, Dean Samashima Yusi of Basso, Conrad Ventur of Useless Magazine, Joe Scotland, editor of Frieze Magazine Jennifer Higgie, ICA curator Mark Sladen, with his boyfriend Garrett, Karl Kolbitz Wolfgang Tilman's studio manager who is the hunkiest most beautiful German skinhead i have ever seen in my life with a taunt rack of death and translucent skin, Paul Bernstock and Thelma Spiers the famed Milliners to Boy George and Kylie, Stefan Kalmar the director of the Munich Kunstverker, and lover of dancer Michael Clark, DJ Jon Jo, artists Daniel Sinsel, Merlin Carpenter, Josephine Pryde, Hilary Lloyd, Pablo Bronstein, visual artist who does conceptual dance pieces, Joe Moran, who does the same thing as Pablo and is very Sloan Ranger in a cute Hugh Grant kind of way. Conor Donlon of Conor Donlon Bookshop, which is below Wolfgang Tilman's studio and is the best bookstore in London according to John Waters and many others.
Have to stop here as i have to finish packing and try to make it to Lisa Stansfield Aeroport in time for my flight back to Berlina. Special thanks to Love Camel, Dom Johnson, Stuart Comer, David and the Bistrotheque Btheque Gang and super beautiful Priscila Matano, the incredible Brazilian makeup artist who beat me a fine face for the performances.

YOU BUILT THIS CITY
Marc Arthur and i finally started editing the series of movies we shot featuring the new hot art sensation DeRohan Chabot. Marc put a teaser for the project on You Tube, so please check it out and tell me what you think. I will be showing a few of the work-in-progress rough cuts to an audience in London at Bistrotheque Tuesday night as part of my new piece "Vaginal Davis is Looking For the Perfect Ginger Concubine". My residency at Bistrotheque begins Saturday night at 9pm with the "Pink Mass" in conjunction with Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, and then Sunday i host, DJ and perform at the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Party. Looking forward to being in Ms. Merry ole Englandy, as i do need a bit of a break from Berlin. I love Berlin, but no matter what city you live in its a must to get a new perspective on things.
Loved working with Marc Arthur on the DeRohan project. Marc is so smart, funny and talented. And he has a large penis---- hurray for him!
***
Danny Hendrickson, the Scandinavian Muslim invited me over for a delicious Mexicale feast with him and his super sizzling Italo/German boyfriend Piero Bellehomme. The two of them were making me laugh out loud as they filled me in on the latest Berlin gossip that is too scandalous to report in this here blogina. You know the gossip must be something else if i am refraining to report on it. Well, i can´t tell you everything.
Got a nice letter from the sexy brilliantly provacative art photog Mattias Herrmann, who is a fan of my blog, and sent me some lovely encouraging words. I am always surprised that anyone would want to read my insane ramblings on a regular basis. Most popular blogs have dozens of pics and are part of high tech websites. My presence in cyber land is purposely kept simple, and i guess thats why it stands out, it doesn´t look like anything else that is out there. I´m so granny auntiela old school, i´m new school in a way. Special thanks to Larry Bob and Marc Arthur who maintain the web page, i don´t know what i would do without their love and faithful support.
***
Threw an impromptu party at the Cheese Endique Trifecta to welcome Ms. Kim "Joyride"Jones and her husband Monty Messex to Berlin. They brought their gorgeous boys Bela, age 19 and Max age 15 with them. What a joyous hoot we all had, I´m sure my neighbors are cursing me because of all the screaming that went on past midnight. I got up at 6am yesterday to prepare for my London trip so that i could devote the evening to the Messex clan. Also on hand was delightful Marc Arthur and his hungthrob French lover Nicolai, and pretty Joana, one of my Weissensee students and her rock star boyfriend Axel, who is from Australia and had everyone rolling on the floor with his adorable Aussie gallows humour.
So great seeing Kim Jones, who i go way back with. Back before the floods. She and i use to write gossip for the old LA Weekly column LA Dee Da. She was Joyride, and i was Denning Taylor, which is actually my nephews name. His full name is Mark Denning Taylor. He was named after the actor Richard Denning who starred in "The Incredible Shrinking Man". Kim use to hang back then with Donita Sparks of L7 fame, and was in the pre-L7 band The Shrews. Kim and Donita wore some of the cutest outfits that were very late 60s/early 70s inspired with a whimsical punk twist. Those girls had the best fashion sense, and were always the pure life of any party or event. Especially the big Slash Records Christmas parties in the 80s. Kim & Donita were very pranksterish, and Kim could especially get away with murder because she was so darn cute and had southern charm. I believe she is from Tennessee originally. She also use to be the girlfriend of Anthony "The Swan" Kieidis of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. One of these days Kim and i should collaborate on a book about life in LA in the 1980s post punk scene. It would be a best seller to say the least. Kim´s husband Monty use to be the hottest punk boy on Melrose Avenue when he worked at Flip of Hollywood. Everyone wanted him, he was just perfection, and the nicest kid originally from the working class suburb of El Monte or West Covina, one of those bedroom communities south east of downtown LA. Back in the day his girlfriend was Valerie Vaughn who was the most stylish punkette. She and Ron Athey ruled the punk boutique Poseur, and Valerie was like a sex kittenish Jubileepunque Lana Turner in deconstructed sweatersets, all her outfits were far superior to anything worn by punk rocker girls at the time. Madonna even stole a few fashion ideas from Valeri, but of course Madge never had the wicked sense of humour and style sense that placed Ms. Vaughn way ahead of the bell hook curve, let me tell you.
Kim and Monty looked really good, and it was lovely to have a little inter-generational soiree. Everyone was gettting along like they had known each other for years, which is the proper way to mix it up at a houseparty. I hardly ever go to houseparties in Berlin as people tend to stay in cliques, and few German hosts ever provide formal social introductions. Its not part of the culture. I like to plan parties in the manner of the great continental hostess Elsa Maxwell, and she has never failed me.
***
Correction. Correction. Yes Vaginal Davis actually makes mistakes in this hear blog, and when i do they are always stupid. In a report on my Rising Stars event and Tangram Aktuel party is said that Angelika Ramlov is the gal pal of Nanna Heidenreich of Arsenal Experimental. In fact its Angie Baby who is Nanna´s significant other. Somehow i thought that Angelika Ramlov and Angie Baby were the same person, you know Angie short for Angelika. I am such a dunce! Sorry to all parties affected. Kissy

KNATTERN UND KLOTZEN
Dora Lee Klaminsky aka: Peter Wheel is the richest white lady of Ventura County Line. Dora is from the infamous Homo House/Nardcore Kollective and for over 20 years she has also owned and operated the Wilde Planet punque rock gift boutique. I´ve known this sizzling temptress for over 25 years, since she was an innocent co-ed at Loyola Marymount College. Its been a pleasure hosting her at my humble Cheese Endique Trifecta here in Berlin. Dora is a true gentlewoman of California. We´ve been having a hoot of a girlish time, gossiping and catching up on the deaths and anal re-births of a multitude of people that we know worldwide.
While Dora was indulging in private time sightseeing, i met up with the beautiful Empress of the Kino Arsenal and Deutsch Cinematheque, Stefanie Schulte Strathaus. Miss Stefanie is the hardest working woman in Germany, and had been on a North American experimental film junkett, that included a workshop stint collaborating with a host of notable filmmakers including John Greyson. She also had an opportunity to scout the Pacific Northwest with Cheap´s Tim Blue who is on sabbatical back in his hometown of Portland Oregon for the summer. Don´t be surprised if you learn that a new Berlin/Gus Van Sant Land film emporia will be hatched within the coming year, its all part of the Ms. Schulte master plan for creative international endeavors.
Laughing and feasting at the Iskele Fish Restaurant Boat on the Canal was Oliver Husein, the cute and cuddly Jack Smith enfluenced video and performance artist, visiting from Ontario, lovesexyline Bubble Butt-girl Nanna Heidenreich(Arsenal Experimental) with gal pal Angie Baby aka: Olga Anderson. We were all having too good of a time, and were told to keep it down to a whisper. This is fast becoming the trend in Berlin. All these new people who haved moved here are so noise sensitive. If you live in an urban area, you have to expect urban actitivies and their accompanying sounds.
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Saw Kaiser Karl Lagerfeld casually sitting outside of a Kreuzberg cafe one afternoon while on my bike coming from Deutsch Schule class. He looked good for him, and was with some young prissy queens eating al fresco.
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Rising Stars, Falling Stars on Saturday was a super hit. A fast paced Hans Richter shorts program dazzled the crowd, and Kjohnny Blue´s musical accompaniment was all out sublime. I even participated in the music via singing a mini aria about smegma live. The stellar crowd included Astin Brooks, the great grandniece of silent film great Louise Brooks. Astin is following in the footsteps of her famous aunt and has been living in Berlin for 2 years after a stint in London. Also seen schmoozing at the after screening reception in the Rote Foyer: star opera tenor Rolando Villazon, 27 year old Gedächtnismeister Johannes Mallow, Larry Gottheim, one of the most important avant garde filmmakers of the 1970s, with juicy artist Maggie Schneider, downtown New York legend John Heys with polish filmmaker Marcin, vivacious British video artist Daria Neis who got a Germaine Duluc tattoo after one of our screenings a few months back, Hebbel Theatre´s "It Girl" Anna Muelter, The poet Ines, Daniel Hendrickson , the Scandanavian Muslim with the vision that is always Susanne Sachsse of Cheap, and Susanne´s gorgeous 15 year old daughter and Arsenal intern Salome Gershe, Uli of Forum Expanded with sweet girlfriend Magda, pretty New York artist Marc Arthur, art photog Christian Siekmieir, Brian Burton aka Danger Mouse from Gnarls Barkley fame, Piero Bellehomme of the Piero Collezione and handsome Turkish stud Senol Senturk. Assisting KJohnny Blue for the evening and breaking hearts in the process was young Greek Aktive cineste Nicolai who came with his own posse of striking Greek Goddesses.
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My first party at the Cheese Endique Trifecta was called Tangram Aktuell in salute to finally taking German language classes, but it was really just an excuse for a housewarming, and also to introduce Dora to my German comrades. The weather wasnt cooperating with a heatwave, but luckily my old 18th Century flat stays very cool in the summer. I live in the famous leftest quarter of Berlin called Rote Insel, one of the few areas of the city not bombed out during WWII. Daniel Hendrickson provided the delicious menu, and thank god for him, as i don´t know how to cook for more then 5 people. The Sunday soiree was from 6-10pm, and i kicked everyone out promptly when it hit that magic marker as i am old and need to get lots of sleep. The guest list included Wolfgang Tilmans, in Berlin for seven weeks or so, Lydia Hamann with her ginger architect pal, Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Nanna Heidenreich, Angie Baby, Academia Nicole, in Berlina for the summer from London, hunky Turkish delight Senol Senturk, Anna Muelter, Piero Bellehomme, Travis Jeppeson with boyfriend Mario and his big footed Slovakian pal Peter, Marc Arthur, Astin Brooks, Nicolai and his Greek goddess back-up singers, a sunkissed Kjohnny Blue with Nadine of Neu Köln, Michel Pee Pee with his beautiful sister and her perky Indonesian actress friend, stunning Susanne Sachsse, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, Wilhelm Hein and art photog gal pal Annette Fricke.

THE FIRMAMENTS LOSS
Sad news to report in the passing of Berlin based internationally adored star Gunther Trube, a giant in the deaf activist community, and drag poet muse to Karl Lagerfeld. This legend will be greatly missed. I only met her a few times but she certainly stood out with her warmth, grace and open spirit.

ICH HASSE MODE
Went to UDK graduate presentations, the art school that my NYU intern Marc Arthur has been attending as an exchange student. What an event with lots of activity buzzing the Kleistpark satellite campus. Wasnt able to find where Marc´s performance and film was going to be shown at first, and accidentally discovered Guillame´s lovely film in a basement alcove. Guillame is the cute french projectionist who works at the Arsenal´s Kino 2, and has been a big part of Rising Stars, Falling Stars lately. He goes to the school and is a scruffy Gallic charmer. Also was surprised to see Uli of Forum Expanded. Uli is the ultimate piece of eye candy and is one of my favorite people in Berlin. Wasnt surprised to see Isabel Spengler, as she teaches at UDK. Marc´s presentation featured a Lisa Suckdog look-a-like doing a combative performance that seemed pure Lisa in her early 90s heyday. It was wonderful also to see Marc´s completed film “Letters From a Ruined Dream” where i play a cameo as Morpheus in Ovid´s Metamorphosis, opposite the new art wunderkind DeRohan Chabot who is dreamy in the piece. The boy cant be photographed badly, he looks simply ravishing from any angle. Also chit chatted with Marc´s pretty cinematographer Kim. Had to leave the opening, which was getting quite packed to meet with Travis Jeppeson and Mario at the club Search & Destroy. They had a new toy, i mean friend with them, that they met in Roma named Boris, and i also got to meet Mario´s 15 year old lover from Spain Octavio. Mario had popped the poor kids cherry a few weeks back, at some club, and now that the boy doesnt have a hymen anymore he is ripe and ready to travel that road of Berlin´s newest passed- around-Patty. I have been to Search & Destroy once before or maybe i was at London Calling--- oh it doesnt matter none of these clubs are that interesting, just filled with a bunch of weenagers happy to be anywhere, but there were lots of tourists from all over the world, so it was a little more lively then usual, and i wound up getting into a million conversations. One beautiful humpy dork of a Bavarian boy, who is an aspiring comic named Florian Spieler really caught my eye. He´s a bit on the short side, but has an outgoing personality, and winning smile that held my attention in a big fat tittied way. He has already done the comedy circuit in the states from Hollywood to Colorado, and i could see him really going places. One of his jokes went something like this: i knew Barack Obama when he was still called Cassius Clay. Speaking of Mr. Obama he will be in Berlin this coming week on his way back from the middle east. I wonder if he will sing some of his greatest hits from the early and mid 90s.
Also at the club was Baby Brian, the former concubine of directors Bryan Singer and Gus Van Sant. He was being his regular disorderly self, and had me laughing out loud telling me of his sexual exploits as a high priced juvenile callboy. This is one major hoot of a teenage prostitute, and has shared the bouncing bed with more politicos and entertainment moguls then any hooker this side of Mary Magdelene. In fact he is the new milineums Magdelene. On my way out of the club at 3am i ran into Tim Blue´s lover, David the famed Jamaican concert pianist. David told me that he is moving to Prague. He´s lived in Berlin for more then 20 years, so i have to give him credit for picking up and making roots in some other enchanted garden. David and i are the same age, and it takes a lot for us old gals to purge and start over again somewhere else. I still cant believe i left LA and moved to Europa. It all seems like a dream that i cant somehow wake up from.
I really hate drunks. Walking home some fugly man with bad teeth approached me looking for a hot top to penetrate his sphincter. If he wasnt so drunk he would have noticed that i don´t exactly give off a hot top vibe, but his desperality got the better of him. I left him high wide and fugger, shaking his head and wondering what bunch of beads had hit him over his natty head.
Was invited to the Vivienne Westwood Anglomania show as part of Berlin´s Fashion Week. Poor Berlin still has long way to go in the fashion department. What makes Berlin great is that it is a city that is very much seperate from the rest of the world on many fronts. With Fashion Week that uniqueness is encumbered by a sense of trying too hard, and what a shame. Just relax Berlina and be yourself, salty warts and all, you are not Paris, Milan or New York and never will be which is a good thing. But what really got my goad is that people were bringing their children, including new bornes to the fashion show. Get a friggen baby sitter! Sitting above me was Tan Bihn Nguyen, the divine makeup artiste and my Cheap Blacky scene stealing co-star with his bearded and bubbly friend who works with the New York based designer Kai Kühne. I also ran into Gabriel Von Loebel, the minister of information with the Viennese art kollective Gelitin, who was with his very attractive lady friend Sasha. Most of the crowd was dull.
People in Berlin either dress ultra conservative in a boring way or wild in an icky Love Parade fashion. The same goes way with sex, they either only want to fist you or cuddle and nothing in between. I was seated in the first row next to Kim Cattrall, who is now an a-list star due to the phenomenal success of that awful Sex and the City feature film. Kim and i go way back to 1995 when i co-starred with her in the movie Live Nude Girls, one of my few mainstream films. The movie wasnt that good, but the character Kim played forshadowed her role as Samantha in Sex in the City. Canuckian Ms. Cattrall is a good time Sally of the first magnitude, I am happy that she is getting lots of attention after years of being a Hollywood workhorse. Remember she started her career as a sexy ingenue in the original Porky´s. Ms Cattrall surprised me that she could speak fluent German, which was delighting the massive whordes of photographers surrounding us, and Ms. Westwood who sat on the other side of Kim. Before the photog anslaught Ms. Westwood asked me about my cousin Carla of the pioneering LA punk band The Controllers. Carla Duplantier lived in London and was in the band Jimmy The Hoover, she also modeled for Vivienne Westwood. Across the runway from us sat a smug looking Rupert Everett handsome despite the sour expression on his face. Maybe that look was directed at me because he had read what i wrote about him in Butt Magazine. The best thing about a Vivienne Westwood show is Vivienne Westwood, who is the best model of her own designs. She looked divine, much better then the clunky horsefaced mannequins who trotted down the gangplank. Someone needs to teach these girls how to walk in high heels. Even the one boy in the show, a John Wayne is big leggy blondine looked like he wanted to be somewhere else.

ZANZIBAR HELLMOUND
Had a delightful visit at the Cheese Endique Trifecta with Cyril that smoking hot young ItemIdem French boy, who lives in Tokyo and designed the award winning Japanese store for the German designer Bernard Wilhelm. Joining us was teutonic artist Christian Siekmeier, who is back in Berlina after living in New York for 11 years. Herr Siekmieir will be bringing the divine Billy Miller of STH/The Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts to Berlin in October for a residency, and the entire city is a flutter with that information as Mr. Miller is beloved internationally.
After getting my ass kicked once again in German language class i got caught in a summer downpour. Thank god Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim is giving me some Deutsch tutoring. I need it! At my Cheese Endique studio i started prepping to film the sensational DeRohan Chabot who at 16 is the new art infant terrible who will soon dominate the international art market. De Rohan is an incredible sculptor,painter, poet, filmmaker, you name it he does it, and is a combination Rimbaud and Passolini all wrapped up in a beautiful blonde French package. I have to send Dennis Cooper a copy of the movie i made with DeRohan after it is edited, as DeRohan is a huge Cooper fanatic and is the living embodiment of a Dennis Cooper novel. This kid is the real deal, and is hyper masculine with testosterone oozing out of every pour, but at the same time he has this intense innocense and vulnerability. After filming we ate some food at a trendy Thai restaurant and everyone in the place was staring at him, and smiling in appreciation, the waiters even treated us to drinks and extra food, and several men approached giving him their card. We decided on having one last nightcap at Tabasco, a hustler bar at Nollendorky platz, what a mistake that was. The old geezers wouldnt leave us alone, and even the hustlers were trying to pick up on him and give him a freeby. My cinematographer, and coproducer of the film short, Marc Arthur who is 21 and a green eyed beauty in his own right was also getting lots of attention, as i walked both boys to the U-bahn some gay tourists from England pounced on them, and were not taking no for an answer, i swear a crowd of 15 men had surrounded us in a two block radius. A police officer noticed the commotion and offered to give the boys a ride home in his car, which they gladly accepted.

COUNTESS OF WARWICK
Green eyed wonder boy Marc Arthur came by the Cheese Endique Trifecta to do some quick pick up shots. Afterwards we went out for dinner and dwinks, and he relayed his recent adventures in Leipzig where he met 4 humpy boys who have not been ruined by urban gay culture. These young studkins inact a semi S&M scenario involving army uniforms and abandoned buildings, where they literally kidnapped Marc for a week and brutalized him in a most becoming fashion where they all took turns pulling a train on him and turning his little boy hole into a man sized channel. It was a Falcon Video Pac from the 80´s come magically to life. Young Mr. Arthur even brought one of the ruggedest of the lads back to Berlin and enjoyed doing during the day what they had previously been doing all night in the former DDR-land. I am so jealous of Marc, he has all of the luck of the ItalioIrish.
Hector Martinez, who i have known since he was 15 and good friends with Fertile LaToyah Jackson´s sister Grace, came to visit me Sunday with his lover of 12 years Erik-La Pierce. The two took a pitstop detour in Berlin from their Gay Baltic Sea cruise. Hector is an executive with the large American insurance entity Affleck. This company is known for their TV adverts featuring a retarded duck. Hector is fortunate to have one of those giant homosexual disposable incomes, as no one else in the states can afford expensive vacations these days. Last year he and his lover took a gay cruise through the Meditteranean. The last thing on earth i would want to do is take a gay cruise and be stuck on a boat with a bunch of wealthy white faggots.
It was nice seeing Hector and Erik-La and getting caught up on LA gossip. One of these days i will have to write about what Hector told me about Christopher Ciccone, the no goodnic fugly brother of pop star Madonna, who has recently written a tell-all about his famous sister. In fact i don´t think i will write about it in this blog as i don´t want Mr. Ciccone to get any publicity on my account. Not that i am a big fan of his sister Mrs. Ritchie, and that she needs my protection, i just don´t believe in slagging the already slaggy.

MAMA SAY KNOCK YOU OUT!
The Lady Miss Ursula Rucker, first woman of spoken word poetry and sacred temple priestess of WoW, emailed me that i was on her guest list at the Akademie der künste in the Tiergarten, so of course i rode my lady bicycleta as fast as my tiny leggs could peddle them. Ms. Rucker who hails from Philly PA is a protege of the great poet Sonia Sanchez, and that shows in every fiber of her major ms. gorgeous being. This woman is complete confidence and poise stalking the stage, possessing it and the audience with the full power that is the unbridled black female vuvunga. And what a face, radiant and defiant, a conquering heroine wo-man soldier fierce warrior goddess fighting for her people. The Literature werkstatt and poesie festival, Berlin were fortunate to have such a presence in their midst. I have to go out and buy her latest album Ma´at MaMa.

ASTHETIK DER INSTALLATION
The Ms. Davis summer reading recommendation is The Cairo Trilogy by Nobel Prize winner Naguib Mahfouz. Won't tell you any more about, just rush out and buy it! Had a lovely breakfast meeting with super hot tranny Wu from Los Angeles who is in Berlin starring in a remake of the Nazimova silent film Salome based on Oscar Wildes play. Directing the movie is Pauline of the Rhythm King. Wu brought me a gorgeous designer boquet of flowers and some tasty snacks, and we had a great time, a couple of juicy tranny's sitting around talking. Wu is one of the new breed of performative youngsters ruling LA, and revitalizing the stale nightlife. She puts on a weekly club at the old MacArthur Park dive The Silver Platter, which is fast becoming the talk of the town with performances by legends like Ron Athey and Nao Bustamente.
Later in the evening i met with Cheap fearless leader Susanne Sachsse, Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson and his handsome Italian beau Piero for drinks at the famous West Sector Theater tavern Diener. Holding court at the bar in true Konig style was Fassbinder legend Volker Spengler who is a regular ensemble member of playwrite and director Rene Pollesch. I can't wait to see Volker in the next Pollesch piece "Dictator's Wives" which will premiere at the Volksbuhne in September. The great Volker Spengler is a magical human being with michieveous, boyish eyes that are vibrant, magnetic and sexy. What a treasure he is. Everyone who comes to my flat singles out a fabulous photo of Volker and I, in LA from 1999 at my post screening White To Be Angry/Skin Flick party at the dive bar The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady. The night was filled with amazing celebrity in the sensuous, womanly form of Margarita Broich, another big German film and theatre star who is also the wife of famed actor Martin Wuttke who stars in the hit Deutsch TV program Tat Ort, which is a tuetonic version of the American CSI franchise. I also met the internationally known heritage band leader Max Raabe of the Palast Orchestra, and his dapper boyfriend. I have been a fan of Mr. Raabe for many years, so it was very special gettting to meet him in the fleshy flesh.

BABY THE RAIN MUST FALL
Its been pouring rain on and off in Berlin for the last three days. Riding my bike back and forth from German language class has been a little gnarly at times, but also beautiful seeing lovely boys soaking wet so that their clothing becomes transparent----yum. Learning German has been rough. My class is from 2-6pm Mon-Thur with a 30 minute break, and being the morning person that i am, trying to pay attention and retain anything is a trial. K-Johnny Blue is also in my class, and is the star pupil and teachers pet. The two instructors are middle aged gay lovers named Kay and Stefan, and they are very patient and sweet with me, though it must be difficult with such a bad student like myself.
My school is called Babylonia and is a punk rock style laid back language academy in Kreuzberg. There are a few good looking males in the class, a manlische Kurdish/Turk named Fahrad, who Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim would flip for, as he is tiny, muscular with a nice smile and bubblelicious Beyonce buttocks, and a young Australian boy named Reece who looks very intellectual and is soft spoken. There was this young, energetic, lanky Irish lad name Eric but his German was so good that he switched to the more intermediate class. Unfortunately not one man in the class looks like he has a dickus of deathos, so i doubt if i will be meeting my next contemporary temporary husband.
Last night the great Susanne Sachße had one of her stylish dinner parties at her eastside compound. To be invited to the famous oval table of Ms. Sachße is one of Berlin´s most royal treats. Enjoying the feast of Ranchipur was superstar DJ and top Euro performer Snax,who also performs in Peaches´band, infant terrible Travis Jeppeson with Slovakian lover Mario, juicy Anna Muelter, Daniel Hendrickson, Marc Siegel, Susanne´s gorgeous 13 year old twins Salome and Richard, and Richards little cute school boyfriend Jacob, who is going to turn into quite a hunkasaurus when he gets older. I had a breakfast meeting, so i left the soiree early and didnt get a chance to meet Miss Suzi´s new secret lover, the famous footballer Michael Ballack. But i did get a chance to watch with everyone the 1972 film The Baby starring noir actress Ruth Roman and Anjanette Comer. Snax had a copy of this insane film, and you can rest assured that the next production of Cheap will be Cheap Baby based on this cult film with Christophe de Rohan Chabot in the role of the adult baby, Susanne Sachße as the kinky social worker and yours truly as the overprotective mother. I´m so excited about this that we may put on hold doing Cheap Summer, our version of Tennessee Williams Suddenly Last Summer with Susanne playing once again Liz Taylor, mainstream German actor Moritz Bleaubtreau in the Monty Cliff role and Ms. Davis as Katherine Hepburn. We´ll see what happens.
The other evening i had a wonderous time with Lydia Hamann, one of my Weißensee students who also worked with me on the Arrogance of Youth project. We had dinner at a quaint little tapas bar, and dainties at Gemelli´s. Lydia is smart, sexy and uninhibited and one of my favorite Berlin girls. She really knows how to make this city come alive.

SIE WERDEN IMMER GRÖßER
Claudia Gonson, the sweet and perky female husband of Stephin Merritt emailed me that the Magnetic Fields were in Berlin performing at the Passion Church in Kreuzberg. Of course i was there in a New York second with my youthful companion, the lovesexy tuetonic actor David Kross, who just made a film where he plays the love interest of Kate Winslet. Its a nice feeling to be the object of affection from a beautiful boy. Of course nothing can come of it, as he is such a puppy.
So lovely seeing Claudia and Stephin. Claudia was in good voice, and i always enjoy the banter between her and Mr. Merritt, and seeing them in this place of worship just made the whole proceedings extra special and sublime. The Magnetic Fields summer Euro tour will probably come to your town soon, so check their website at www.Houseoftomorrow.com and also go out immediately and buy their new album Distortion that is in bright pink dayglo packaging. One of the added pleasures of this particular tour is that long time collaborator Shirley Simms is with them, and believe you me, this is quite a treat as her voice is prominent in 69 Love songs, the bands opus. In fact you should rush out and purchase all the Stephin Merritt projects which include Future Bible Heroes, The 6ths and The Gothic Archies.
The eye candy of the band is pie faced Asian beauty boy John Woo on guitar and lean& lanky Sam Davol, the on cello, who has the most gorgeous mass of pre-mature grey hair i have ever seen, this side of a young Richard Gere. Both boys have cocks i´d sure like to chugg down on, and receive a mouthful of super yummy excess semen. I don´t know the marital status of Mr. Woo, but Mr. Davol is spoken for with two small children and a petite patrician blondine wife, and he lives in Boston. How do i know all this? Well there was an article about the Davol´s in the New York Times last year that was reprinted in the Hearst International Paper,The Herald Tribune.

YOU´RE SO HAYLEY MILLS
Still suffering a bit from the flying patootis, but managed to go to the premiera of Das Doppelte Lottchen at The Parkauer. Thank god openings at childrens theatre´s are in the morning. Das Doppelte Lottchen was written by Erich Kästner, and is the original story where the 1960 Disney film The Parent Trap comes from.
Cheap´s fearless leader Susanne Sachße stars in the Maureen O´Hara role of the glam mother, and of course her stage presence shines supreme. You want to see more of her whenever she is in front of the footlights. I was howling from laughter with her Shirley Temple homage during a fantasy dream sequence. My Max und Moritz colleguen Elizabeth Heckel and Katrin Heinrich also shine, and Moritz Müller did a fantastic job with the set design, but i felt his cotumes except for Susanne´s left a little to be desired, though i liked the Oscar Levant style tails for Hagen Löwe in the Brian Keith role.
The director Milan Peschel, is a Voksbühne actor, and it shows with all the unecessary screaming action. I guess that is a characteristic of mainstream German plays that i just don´t understand. I would also cut the length by a good 45 minutes, as both kids and adults seemed more then a bit restless by sitting in very uncomfortable seats for 2 1/2 hours.

THE FLYING PATOOTIS
After having a glorious time as the MC for the Gossip show at Columbia Halle, i rode my bike home and started excrementing. I got a similar stomach virus after the Berlinale, that included not only projectile shitting but vomitting as well. Thank god, i didnt throw up this time, and the muscle spasms and cramping didn´t last for a 24 hour period leaving me racked in excruciating pain. Missed German language class yesterday, and a chance to hang out with Tara aka Annie Oaklely (the manager of the Gossip, creator of Sex Workers Art Show) , and the beautiful Ms. Beth Ditto and gang who had one day off in Berlina.
There is no band out there who is doing what the Gossip are doing. Ms. Ditto is a presence to reckon with, powerful and sublime and sexy as all get go. The sold out crowd was enthusiastic and giving the goddess the proper worship she deserves. And there arent enough superlatives to describe Beth Ditto. She shows all the other so called singers how it is supposed to be done, as she drips with southern charm, a smoldering kitten with a whip. Alice Bag, of the legendary punk rock band The Bags and my colleguen in Cholita, the female Menudo was the first person to turn me on to Beth Ditto and the Gossip. Alice never praises other singers, but with Ms. Ditto she was raving!
When i was writing for the LA Weekly i tried to get my editor to let me interview her, but he passed on it----which i am sure he regrets now.
It was so great catching up with Ms. Tara who also produced Homo-A-GoGo, which was the last time i was on the same bill with the Gossip. I also loved hanging with their seasoned road crew, and the caterers cooked a meal that was downright yummy, or as they say in Deutsch "lecher". hope i spelled that right. The opening band of teenagers Pencil Dick, i mean Pencil Toes from London England were cute and juicy putting in a fast paced and wirey enthusiastic set. Its 90 degrees today in Berlin, and i am still feeling a bit sick, so this report will end now.

FAMISHED FOR THE LIGHT ONES
Had a glorious dinner date with adorable and cute Christian F, who was this year´s Berlinale intern and also was one of my talented assistants with the Clubszene project. Christian is 27 years old, but looks 16 and has a gay twin brother. He is originally from Bavaria and has only been living in Berlin for a year working on a Phd on the films of Gus Van Sant.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant around the corner from my punque rock language school Babylonia.
Later we went down the block to have dainties at this charming cafe called Gemelli´s where we ran into Joana, one of my Weißensee students and drag king artiste Antonia Beard. Christian lives on Soauer Str in a lovely little flat that overlooks an enchanted garden.
2nite after class i have to rush to Columbia Halle where i will be the MC for the Gossip show starring the incredible Beth Dito. Her manager is Annie Oakley of the Sex Workers Tour fame. I haven´t seen Ms. Oakley since i performed at the Homo-A-GoGo that she organized in 2006. Should be a fun evening.

VANITY FAITH PAVILIONS
Filmed little Marc Art Garfunkle´s project on Saturday. I play Morpheus with Christophe de Rohan Chabot as my beautiful dreamy, innocent dance partner, where i get to Martha my very own Graham crackers in a terpischorean battle beyond death. A talented French man named Fred, who needs to cut those dreadlocks he wears off, played the most sublime music live, and the set and make-up design was by personable Greek passive Nicolas Zavaliaris, who just moved to Berlin from swinging London town.
Later i met up with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, and we went to the so-called alternative Christopher Street Gay in Kreuzberg on OranianbergerStr. What a dull affair. Was going to meet up again with writer Travis Jeppeson and his boy pussy posse, but i was exhausted from filming earlier, and Friday i got to catch up with young Mr. Jeppeson, who at 16 is one of the most talented and prolific children on the planet with writings in all forms that include novels, poetry, journals and journalism, plus he has a giant white penis that is much coveted by men on three continents. His list of older male admirers is endless.
Sunday i decided i had to treat myself to a massage, the triple assault of the Klubszene Project, Filming an Independent movie, and Deutsch Language class has caused a stiffness in my joints that needed a professionals soothing, healing touch. I recruited young Marc Arthur as my companion, and we ventured to the Treibhause Sauna & Spa for relaxation treatments. Poor Marc was pounced on immediately upon entering, with every chicken hawk in the place developing octopussy hands the minute his 22 year old self hit the marble floor. I found it hilarious when a nutty couple were desperately trying to fashion a hot sex scene by acting out shamelessly, fornicating in an open space. The skinny pretend top kept thumping into his lover with gutteral moans and jackhammer plowing. Too bad when he´d pull out his penis it was hardly colossal measuring clit length skinny and under 3 puny inches. What he was hoping for was that he´d excite some passing manheimer who would climb on board and turn him into lucky Pierre, but the crowde at this sex palace are seasoned sluts, who are aware of all the queeny tricks a hungry sloppy bottom may pull in their search for the prized cruel club.
I was really hating a barrel chested couple who were in extreme search and destroy mode for a hot buttered fourgy, later in the evening they actually got their gnut with two dickticusses. Even in a gay sauna the football madness reared its three headed gydra. Germany lost to Spain, but it didnt stop the fans from whooping it up until the wee hours. I am happy that the Euro cup is over, and things can return to some sense of whoremalcy.

THE PARK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Hunky lovesexy Russian artist Slava Mogutin sent me a copy of his latest photography tome New York GoGo, his sophemore effort after the tremendously successful Lost Boys. That Slava can do no wrong, and these photo essays are majestic in their capturing of detailic moments in the prostitutic melanoma of Manhattan boygesse. Bruce Benderson´s forward sets the tone in giving some background on Mr. Mogutin, and his importance on the cultural zeitgeist. One particular series in the book features a Nubian Peter Berlin, stockinged phallus flops from painted on daisy dukes, but its the entire composition that ignites, not just the subject´s splendor but even the floor in which he stands, this is where Slava shines as a Nadarlike portraiturist. A few pages before i gasped at the Rican minx wearing a prince of the homosexuals crown--- part diadem, part thorns, and all equal to Ruskian granada.

ZICKIG
Was listening to NPR/Berlin´s Talk of the Nation, and you´ll never guess who was on the program? O i´ll just tell you. Evan Wright was on the show plugging the new HBO mini-series Generation Kill, that is based on his book of the same name. Evan is quite a hustler and grifter, and i guess he has grifted the big time now, as he has handled the adaptation duties of his book to the small pay TV screen. The material for this all started as a series of articles for Rolling Stone Magazine. Let me explain my connection to Evan Wright. Evan use to be married to Crepe Suzette aka: Susan Mathelson a big Hollywood costume designer for feature films, who has also performed with me in several of my Euro traveling pieces. Besides designing some fabulous gowns for this giant doll, Susan also use to work for Mattel designing for the ultimate toy, namely Barbie.
One thing i bet won´t make it to television is Evan´s homosexual experiences with the Marines he spent time with in Iraq. Not only did he participate in some juicy whorgies with the young cute boys, but several times they pulled a train on him. Evan is quite a horndog, and although he prefers women, he is no stranger to ribald mansex.