WARTIKA HEPBURN
Went to Frankenstein 5000 with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his super sexy lover Piero Bonnehomme, of the Piero Collezione. Danny and Piero were already drunk, when i joined them at the bar. They had been to a fancy dinner in Charlottenberg, hosted by two septegenarian lovers who made their fortune selling stamps to the likesis of Queen Elizabeth of England.
Ran into Fred, the American lighting designer who worked with us on Cheap´s It Happened to Me back in 2005. Fred has lived in Berlin for over 20 years and is the housequeen of Frankenstein 5000. There were actually a lot of people at the pub. I guess with the summer tourist season they have been experiencing an upswing with attendence. A few years ago someone OD´d in the darkroom and no one noticed the dead body till the early morning. Only in Berlin kids.
On the video screen they were playing a Bel Ami blue movie starring a Michael Phelps look-a-like who even had la lady Phelps lanky frame and size 14 feet. Yowza!
Looking forward to the Sunscreens Summer Experimental Film Festival at the Arsenal that will take place August 29-31st. Mark your calenderia for Aug 30th as kollective Cheap will provide the accompanyment to the Germaine Dulac film La Souriante Madame Beudet (1923) as part of a special Rising Stars, Falling Stars. And the Arsenal is going through a major shift with a name change to the Arsenal Research Center for Film and Video. Arsenal will involve themselves with more educational programs and other scholarly pursuits with an international focus. The new Arsenal premieres November 1st.
Nancy Barton, one of my old LA pals from the early 1980s is now a dean with the NYU Art School, and one of her young students in their program is visiting and working in Berlin for the summer. Her name is Mila Geisler and she is part German and Korean, a gorgeous statuesque beauty with a bright and winning personality. She spent some time with me at the Cheese Endique Trifecta and we had a blast together and i gave her some high heel training. She also took me to dinner around the corner at the cafe Toughstein where we had a hoot of a time. Ms. Geisler has a hunky ex-Marine for a boyfriend who is playing himself in the HBO drama Generation Kill. His name is Rudy Reyes and he is the personafication of manliness. If you don´t believe me go to his web site at www.RudyReyes.com.
Had a drink with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras before he met with Peaches at some club in Mitte that was playing rap music from the year 1988. They wanted me to join them, but my old knock knee problem raised its ugly head as well as some projectile diahrrea, so a hippity hop evening was decidedly out of the question.

CORVA BICTIM
Everyone is visiting Berlin these days now that the city has a hip cache, and this summer I´ve had a plethora of Californians dropping by. Yesterday Mr. Tom Christie, the Arts Editor of the LA Weekly stopped by my Cheese Endique Trifecta with his young lady friend Mara. We had a hoot of a time gossiping about former collegues and what not, and drinking wine spritzers. Mr. Christie´s son is now 19 and his daughter 16. I remember when they were little children roaming the halls of the Sunset & Highland LA Weekly offices. The Weekly has now moved to Culver City. Who´s decision was that? Not a smart choice if you ask me. By moving the offices to the westside, it completely undermines what the paper has always been about, but then again, its not about anything these days so perhaps its fitting. Mr. Christie´s son is best friends with Bela Messex, who is the oldest child of Kim Jones and Monty Messex who were just visiting me a few weeks before i had my performances in London. Bela will be in Berlin for the entire summer like last year. He and Mr. Christie´s son will be hanging out together. I really adored Mr. Christie´s ex-wife Claire, she was very glamorous and sultry, reminding me of the actress Joan Bennett.
Mr. Christie use to live in the same artist compound in Silverlake on Sanborn Street where Ron Athey has now lived for over a decade. Its a very famous grouping of bungalows. Jon Bok, the artist who designed the interiors of all the House of Blues nightclubs all over the world use to live there, and artist Larry Pittman was shot by a gang banger at the location.
My old partner from Club Sucker Frank Rodriguez and his beautiful ginger boyfriend Patrick, who is a talented artist, are coming to town either at the end of this week or the beginning of the next. I haven´t been on speaking terms with Frank for many years, but its all placentia water under the bridge now that i live abroad, so it will be nice to see him and his smoldering hot lover.

SLUGGISH GONAD
Still receiving tons of emugs from England about my recent shows there, and also an avalanche of responses from the You Tube trailer/preview of my new experimental film series "DeRohan Chabot". I am kindof weirded out by You Tube, Facebook and all these modernist inventions. I guess i am just too old school for my own good.
Mr. Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern sent some pics of my Pink Mass performance, and i look kinda cute surrounded by mylar balloons. Very Warholia. I am missing London very much. They have some tired art fags and such, but there are so many international beauties roaming that olde town. One great memory that keeps flooding my brainiac is the sublime luncheon Stuart took Dominic Johnson, Dean Samashima and i to at Victoria Park where we ate next to a glorious Trumpeter Swan pond, as a summer shower cooled us off.
Yesterday i ran around with Joel "Baby Diaper" Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. Joel showed me some new art work that will be in a show he's having in Berlin along with G.B.Jones and Christophe Chemin. He also let me see the new short film he directed and its major Ms. Gorgeous. That Joel is a brilliant musician, filmmaker and beauty boy. It doesnt get better then that. Sunday i had brunch with Anna Muelter, the it girl of the Hebbel Theatre. Anna is pure joy, and i always have a fun time with her, plus she knows how to take care of her Ms. Davis doll.

CLAMSTEAD HEATH
Returned to Berlin in the midst of a heatwave. Yucky! Went immediately into a coma, and slept what seemed like days. Got a cute email from Ms. Bee Shaffer, the vivacious daughter of Vogue Magazines Anna Wintour. Bee was sorry she and her mother missed my Bistrotheque shows, as they were in London, but she tells me that Agyness Deyn and handsome record producer Mark Ronson were there and heard me sing "Tom Cruise Loves Woman", and that Mr. Ronson is dying to work with me on a music project. What that means i have no idea, and the thought is a little scary to say the least. I met Anna Wintour and her daughter through designer Rick Owens, and they get a kick out of my irreverence, as they have no one in their lives quite like me. They will be coming to Berlin soon, staying at the Hotel de Rome, so I am sure they will take me out to a nice fancy din din, where we will spend the evening gossiping, gossiping and then more gossip.
While in London i had a fun time zipping about town with the Tate Modern´s Stuart Comer. Stuart use to be a regular at my mid 90s sexy punk rock beer bust Club Sucker. Back then he worked at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles and lived in the famous Abortion House of the Stars in the Silverlake Hills right next to the Shakespeare Troll Bridge and up the street from John Marshall High School. Clint Eastwood also lived in the house in the late 1950s, and i used it as a location for my Woody Allen "Interiors" parody in my short film The White to Be Angry in the section titled "Riche Jewish Husband".
While in Missy England i was givin copies of Dik Fagazine from Warsaw and Pablo International Magazine which features another Club Sucker regular Tall Paul Gellman on the cover.
Getting a million emails from people responding to my new short film series DeRohan Chabot. The trailer is on You Tube, and i showed one of the films in the series at Bistrotheque where it got a thunderous response.

CORNFED, CORNHOLE & CORNWALL
I am still in merry old queen mumdom of England. Last night was the last of my events with this residency at The Bistrotheque. My performance which was called The Ginger Concubine was a total mess from beginning to end, but somehow it all worked. How i don't know. Bistrotheque is an art cabaret, and high end restaurant with delicious food. Last night there was a host of celebutants that included British artist Tracey Emin and her new beau actor Orlando Bloom. You get your gnut Miss Tracey, who is my age, Mr. Bloom being a youthquaking fleshpot. There is more to tell, but i have to run and get a smidgeon to eat with Dominic Johnson, and the Love Camel.
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Back from munching out at this cute little lesbianic cafe in SoHo. The only place in the area where people are friendly. It was nice spending time with Dom and Love Camel. Love Camel helped me tremendously with all three shows, creating a special Ginger Appreciation video, and securing some spectacular photos of humpy ginge delights. He also created the before and after the show music, as well as my performance soundtrack, that consisted of Cambodian, Thai and Turkish surf rider sounds. Love Camel's day job is with the British Film Institute. The Camel has been devoted to the Vaginal Davis doll since i first met him in Milan in 1996.
Dom Johnson who is one of the youngest most beautiful academics in Britain teaches at Queen Mary College, and hosted me on this trip for two glorious nights at his South London compound that i like to call Edith Wharton Estates. The last few nights were spent with Mr. Comer and his new young gentleman caller Nicholas, a 22 year old St. Martins grad who looks like a young Montgomery Cliff (circa the Heiress)crossed with Andrew Cunanan .
Getting back to the audience at my show. I had a spirited bunch that included the entire Lesbian Soccer Team that professor Jennifer Doyle hung with while she was in Britain, also famed scholar Rachel "Savage Theory"Moore, with her drop dead gorgeous daughter, and her sexy young pals who all just graduated from Goldsmith College, and were in a high celebratory mood. Studly academe Gavin Butt, was looking particularly desireable, along with Susanne of No Bra fame, performance artist Oreet Ashery, Yusi Etiman and the other members of the Basso collektive, luscious Karol & Pawel from Dic Fagazine of Warsaw, artist Henrik Olesen, Elias Redstone, the director of Architechture Foundation, Benjamin Alexander Huseby, the bi-continental Norweigan artsticle, Kamal Ackarie of Forma, who produced Charles Atlas' work with Antony and the Johnsons, delightful Lee Adams of Club Kaos with his sweet lookalike life partner. I don´t know how so many people fit in the space, but also seen was Sarah McCrory of Studio Voltaire and the Publishing Fair, humpalicious Craig Garrett, DJ at the Cock and editor at Phaidon with super sizzle of a girlfriend Connie and pal. Craig and i go back with each other as he is the platonic lover of Andrew Gould, who i use to do Bricktops with in LA. Craig is one of the most manly looking men alive and has a penis that is 24 centimeters long. Mike Skinner of the Streets, with well endowed Skaly lad looking artist Jim Richards, who had a show at the ICA where he made these blankets with images of Keith Haring and his blatino lovers and gallerists. Leave it to the ICA to adore art that only makes reference to the sacred monied $cash bovines of the art world.
David, who manages the Bistrotheque with his lover Pablo Leon de la Barra, formerly of the Blow de la Barra Gallery was sweet and well organized, and made me feel very welcome during the residency. We worked well together, and i'd love to come back and do something again at the space which was great with a delightful staff of booty pies, including a tall Lithuanian barkeep who really floated my proverbial boat.
Sunday i hosted and DJ'd the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Beer Bust, and boy was there a lot of people milling about dwinking and such. The party mix of Tim Blue visuals really kept the crowd in awe and some photographers were using it as a backdrop for portraits all night. I wore the wrong outfit for such a warm afternoon event. I shouldn't have worn my Rick Owens dress with a catsuit under it. Really, what was i thinking? After about an hour behind the wheels of steel doing my spinderella take, i turned into a sweat beast, looking uglier then a Kottbusser Tor crusty. Dom and I joined Mr. Comer and old LA pal turned international arts grifter Maynard Monroe up in the restaurant for a hearty gourmand meal. Maynard is the bastard daughter of Marilyn and JFK, his mother didn't die of an overdose as reported in the media but giving birth to him.
Saturday was my first night of the residency where i performed and hosted the Pink Mass for Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern. The evening was beyond packed with a who ´s who of names beginning with Nils Norman, artist and friend of the late Colin de Land, Alice Rawsthorn, the design critic with the Hearst International Paper and New York Times, Catherine Wood, performance curator with the Tate Modern, Vanessa DeSclaux, hot French curator, Charles Atlas, art historian Clair Bishop, Dale Cornish, Christian Marclay, Jop of Butt Magazine, Dean Samashima Yusi of Basso, Conrad Ventur of Useless Magazine, Joe Scotland, editor of Frieze Magazine Jennifer Higgie, ICA curator Mark Sladen, with his boyfriend Garrett, Karl Kolbitz Wolfgang Tilman's studio manager who is the hunkiest most beautiful German skinhead i have ever seen in my life with a taunt rack of death and translucent skin, Paul Bernstock and Thelma Spiers the famed Milliners to Boy George and Kylie, Stefan Kalmar the director of the Munich Kunstverker, and lover of dancer Michael Clark, DJ Jon Jo, artists Daniel Sinsel, Merlin Carpenter, Josephine Pryde, Hilary Lloyd, Pablo Bronstein, visual artist who does conceptual dance pieces, Joe Moran, who does the same thing as Pablo and is very Sloan Ranger in a cute Hugh Grant kind of way. Conor Donlon of Conor Donlon Bookshop, which is below Wolfgang Tilman's studio and is the best bookstore in London according to John Waters and many others.
Have to stop here as i have to finish packing and try to make it to Lisa Stansfield Aeroport in time for my flight back to Berlina. Special thanks to Love Camel, Dom Johnson, Stuart Comer, David and the Bistrotheque Btheque Gang and super beautiful Priscila Matano, the incredible Brazilian makeup artist who beat me a fine face for the performances.

YOU BUILT THIS CITY
Marc Arthur and i finally started editing the series of movies we shot featuring the new hot art sensation DeRohan Chabot. Marc put a teaser for the project on You Tube, so please check it out and tell me what you think. I will be showing a few of the work-in-progress rough cuts to an audience in London at Bistrotheque Tuesday night as part of my new piece "Vaginal Davis is Looking For the Perfect Ginger Concubine". My residency at Bistrotheque begins Saturday night at 9pm with the "Pink Mass" in conjunction with Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, and then Sunday i host, DJ and perform at the Butt Magazine Salty Dog Party. Looking forward to being in Ms. Merry ole Englandy, as i do need a bit of a break from Berlin. I love Berlin, but no matter what city you live in its a must to get a new perspective on things.
Loved working with Marc Arthur on the DeRohan project. Marc is so smart, funny and talented. And he has a large penis---- hurray for him!
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Danny Hendrickson, the Scandinavian Muslim invited me over for a delicious Mexicale feast with him and his super sizzling Italo/German boyfriend Piero Bellehomme. The two of them were making me laugh out loud as they filled me in on the latest Berlin gossip that is too scandalous to report in this here blogina. You know the gossip must be something else if i am refraining to report on it. Well, i can´t tell you everything.
Got a nice letter from the sexy brilliantly provacative art photog Mattias Herrmann, who is a fan of my blog, and sent me some lovely encouraging words. I am always surprised that anyone would want to read my insane ramblings on a regular basis. Most popular blogs have dozens of pics and are part of high tech websites. My presence in cyber land is purposely kept simple, and i guess thats why it stands out, it doesn´t look like anything else that is out there. I´m so granny auntiela old school, i´m new school in a way. Special thanks to Larry Bob and Marc Arthur who maintain the web page, i don´t know what i would do without their love and faithful support.
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Threw an impromptu party at the Cheese Endique Trifecta to welcome Ms. Kim "Joyride"Jones and her husband Monty Messex to Berlin. They brought their gorgeous boys Bela, age 19 and Max age 15 with them. What a joyous hoot we all had, I´m sure my neighbors are cursing me because of all the screaming that went on past midnight. I got up at 6am yesterday to prepare for my London trip so that i could devote the evening to the Messex clan. Also on hand was delightful Marc Arthur and his hungthrob French lover Nicolai, and pretty Joana, one of my Weissensee students and her rock star boyfriend Axel, who is from Australia and had everyone rolling on the floor with his adorable Aussie gallows humour.
So great seeing Kim Jones, who i go way back with. Back before the floods. She and i use to write gossip for the old LA Weekly column LA Dee Da. She was Joyride, and i was Denning Taylor, which is actually my nephews name. His full name is Mark Denning Taylor. He was named after the actor Richard Denning who starred in "The Incredible Shrinking Man". Kim use to hang back then with Donita Sparks of L7 fame, and was in the pre-L7 band The Shrews. Kim and Donita wore some of the cutest outfits that were very late 60s/early 70s inspired with a whimsical punk twist. Those girls had the best fashion sense, and were always the pure life of any party or event. Especially the big Slash Records Christmas parties in the 80s. Kim & Donita were very pranksterish, and Kim could especially get away with murder because she was so darn cute and had southern charm. I believe she is from Tennessee originally. She also use to be the girlfriend of Anthony "The Swan" Kieidis of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. One of these days Kim and i should collaborate on a book about life in LA in the 1980s post punk scene. It would be a best seller to say the least. Kim´s husband Monty use to be the hottest punk boy on Melrose Avenue when he worked at Flip of Hollywood. Everyone wanted him, he was just perfection, and the nicest kid originally from the working class suburb of El Monte or West Covina, one of those bedroom communities south east of downtown LA. Back in the day his girlfriend was Valerie Vaughn who was the most stylish punkette. She and Ron Athey ruled the punk boutique Poseur, and Valerie was like a sex kittenish Jubileepunque Lana Turner in deconstructed sweatersets, all her outfits were far superior to anything worn by punk rocker girls at the time. Madonna even stole a few fashion ideas from Valeri, but of course Madge never had the wicked sense of humour and style sense that placed Ms. Vaughn way ahead of the bell hook curve, let me tell you.
Kim and Monty looked really good, and it was lovely to have a little inter-generational soiree. Everyone was gettting along like they had known each other for years, which is the proper way to mix it up at a houseparty. I hardly ever go to houseparties in Berlin as people tend to stay in cliques, and few German hosts ever provide formal social introductions. Its not part of the culture. I like to plan parties in the manner of the great continental hostess Elsa Maxwell, and she has never failed me.
***
Correction. Correction. Yes Vaginal Davis actually makes mistakes in this hear blog, and when i do they are always stupid. In a report on my Rising Stars event and Tangram Aktuel party is said that Angelika Ramlov is the gal pal of Nanna Heidenreich of Arsenal Experimental. In fact its Angie Baby who is Nanna´s significant other. Somehow i thought that Angelika Ramlov and Angie Baby were the same person, you know Angie short for Angelika. I am such a dunce! Sorry to all parties affected. Kissy

KNATTERN UND KLOTZEN
Dora Lee Klaminsky aka: Peter Wheel is the richest white lady of Ventura County Line. Dora is from the infamous Homo House/Nardcore Kollective and for over 20 years she has also owned and operated the Wilde Planet punque rock gift boutique. I´ve known this sizzling temptress for over 25 years, since she was an innocent co-ed at Loyola Marymount College. Its been a pleasure hosting her at my humble Cheese Endique Trifecta here in Berlin. Dora is a true gentlewoman of California. We´ve been having a hoot of a girlish time, gossiping and catching up on the deaths and anal re-births of a multitude of people that we know worldwide.
While Dora was indulging in private time sightseeing, i met up with the beautiful Empress of the Kino Arsenal and Deutsch Cinematheque, Stefanie Schulte Strathaus. Miss Stefanie is the hardest working woman in Germany, and had been on a North American experimental film junkett, that included a workshop stint collaborating with a host of notable filmmakers including John Greyson. She also had an opportunity to scout the Pacific Northwest with Cheap´s Tim Blue who is on sabbatical back in his hometown of Portland Oregon for the summer. Don´t be surprised if you learn that a new Berlin/Gus Van Sant Land film emporia will be hatched within the coming year, its all part of the Ms. Schulte master plan for creative international endeavors.
Laughing and feasting at the Iskele Fish Restaurant Boat on the Canal was Oliver Husein, the cute and cuddly Jack Smith enfluenced video and performance artist, visiting from Ontario, lovesexyline Bubble Butt-girl Nanna Heidenreich(Arsenal Experimental) with gal pal Angie Baby aka: Olga Anderson. We were all having too good of a time, and were told to keep it down to a whisper. This is fast becoming the trend in Berlin. All these new people who haved moved here are so noise sensitive. If you live in an urban area, you have to expect urban actitivies and their accompanying sounds.
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Saw Kaiser Karl Lagerfeld casually sitting outside of a Kreuzberg cafe one afternoon while on my bike coming from Deutsch Schule class. He looked good for him, and was with some young prissy queens eating al fresco.
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Rising Stars, Falling Stars on Saturday was a super hit. A fast paced Hans Richter shorts program dazzled the crowd, and Kjohnny Blue´s musical accompaniment was all out sublime. I even participated in the music via singing a mini aria about smegma live. The stellar crowd included Astin Brooks, the great grandniece of silent film great Louise Brooks. Astin is following in the footsteps of her famous aunt and has been living in Berlin for 2 years after a stint in London. Also seen schmoozing at the after screening reception in the Rote Foyer: star opera tenor Rolando Villazon, 27 year old Gedächtnismeister Johannes Mallow, Larry Gottheim, one of the most important avant garde filmmakers of the 1970s, with juicy artist Maggie Schneider, downtown New York legend John Heys with polish filmmaker Marcin, vivacious British video artist Daria Neis who got a Germaine Duluc tattoo after one of our screenings a few months back, Hebbel Theatre´s "It Girl" Anna Muelter, The poet Ines, Daniel Hendrickson , the Scandanavian Muslim with the vision that is always Susanne Sachsse of Cheap, and Susanne´s gorgeous 15 year old daughter and Arsenal intern Salome Gershe, Uli of Forum Expanded with sweet girlfriend Magda, pretty New York artist Marc Arthur, art photog Christian Siekmieir, Brian Burton aka Danger Mouse from Gnarls Barkley fame, Piero Bellehomme of the Piero Collezione and handsome Turkish stud Senol Senturk. Assisting KJohnny Blue for the evening and breaking hearts in the process was young Greek Aktive cineste Nicolai who came with his own posse of striking Greek Goddesses.
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My first party at the Cheese Endique Trifecta was called Tangram Aktuell in salute to finally taking German language classes, but it was really just an excuse for a housewarming, and also to introduce Dora to my German comrades. The weather wasnt cooperating with a heatwave, but luckily my old 18th Century flat stays very cool in the summer. I live in the famous leftest quarter of Berlin called Rote Insel, one of the few areas of the city not bombed out during WWII. Daniel Hendrickson provided the delicious menu, and thank god for him, as i don´t know how to cook for more then 5 people. The Sunday soiree was from 6-10pm, and i kicked everyone out promptly when it hit that magic marker as i am old and need to get lots of sleep. The guest list included Wolfgang Tilmans, in Berlin for seven weeks or so, Lydia Hamann with her ginger architect pal, Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Nanna Heidenreich, Angie Baby, Academia Nicole, in Berlina for the summer from London, hunky Turkish delight Senol Senturk, Anna Muelter, Piero Bellehomme, Travis Jeppeson with boyfriend Mario and his big footed Slovakian pal Peter, Marc Arthur, Astin Brooks, Nicolai and his Greek goddess back-up singers, a sunkissed Kjohnny Blue with Nadine of Neu Köln, Michel Pee Pee with his beautiful sister and her perky Indonesian actress friend, stunning Susanne Sachsse, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, Wilhelm Hein and art photog gal pal Annette Fricke.

THE FIRMAMENTS LOSS
Sad news to report in the passing of Berlin based internationally adored star Gunther Trube, a giant in the deaf activist community, and drag poet muse to Karl Lagerfeld. This legend will be greatly missed. I only met her a few times but she certainly stood out with her warmth, grace and open spirit.

ICH HASSE MODE
Went to UDK graduate presentations, the art school that my NYU intern Marc Arthur has been attending as an exchange student. What an event with lots of activity buzzing the Kleistpark satellite campus. Wasnt able to find where Marc´s performance and film was going to be shown at first, and accidentally discovered Guillame´s lovely film in a basement alcove. Guillame is the cute french projectionist who works at the Arsenal´s Kino 2, and has been a big part of Rising Stars, Falling Stars lately. He goes to the school and is a scruffy Gallic charmer. Also was surprised to see Uli of Forum Expanded. Uli is the ultimate piece of eye candy and is one of my favorite people in Berlin. Wasnt surprised to see Isabel Spengler, as she teaches at UDK. Marc´s presentation featured a Lisa Suckdog look-a-like doing a combative performance that seemed pure Lisa in her early 90s heyday. It was wonderful also to see Marc´s completed film “Letters From a Ruined Dream” where i play a cameo as Morpheus in Ovid´s Metamorphosis, opposite the new art wunderkind DeRohan Chabot who is dreamy in the piece. The boy cant be photographed badly, he looks simply ravishing from any angle. Also chit chatted with Marc´s pretty cinematographer Kim. Had to leave the opening, which was getting quite packed to meet with Travis Jeppeson and Mario at the club Search & Destroy. They had a new toy, i mean friend with them, that they met in Roma named Boris, and i also got to meet Mario´s 15 year old lover from Spain Octavio. Mario had popped the poor kids cherry a few weeks back, at some club, and now that the boy doesnt have a hymen anymore he is ripe and ready to travel that road of Berlin´s newest passed- around-Patty. I have been to Search & Destroy once before or maybe i was at London Calling--- oh it doesnt matter none of these clubs are that interesting, just filled with a bunch of weenagers happy to be anywhere, but there were lots of tourists from all over the world, so it was a little more lively then usual, and i wound up getting into a million conversations. One beautiful humpy dork of a Bavarian boy, who is an aspiring comic named Florian Spieler really caught my eye. He´s a bit on the short side, but has an outgoing personality, and winning smile that held my attention in a big fat tittied way. He has already done the comedy circuit in the states from Hollywood to Colorado, and i could see him really going places. One of his jokes went something like this: i knew Barack Obama when he was still called Cassius Clay. Speaking of Mr. Obama he will be in Berlin this coming week on his way back from the middle east. I wonder if he will sing some of his greatest hits from the early and mid 90s.
Also at the club was Baby Brian, the former concubine of directors Bryan Singer and Gus Van Sant. He was being his regular disorderly self, and had me laughing out loud telling me of his sexual exploits as a high priced juvenile callboy. This is one major hoot of a teenage prostitute, and has shared the bouncing bed with more politicos and entertainment moguls then any hooker this side of Mary Magdelene. In fact he is the new milineums Magdelene. On my way out of the club at 3am i ran into Tim Blue´s lover, David the famed Jamaican concert pianist. David told me that he is moving to Prague. He´s lived in Berlin for more then 20 years, so i have to give him credit for picking up and making roots in some other enchanted garden. David and i are the same age, and it takes a lot for us old gals to purge and start over again somewhere else. I still cant believe i left LA and moved to Europa. It all seems like a dream that i cant somehow wake up from.
I really hate drunks. Walking home some fugly man with bad teeth approached me looking for a hot top to penetrate his sphincter. If he wasnt so drunk he would have noticed that i don´t exactly give off a hot top vibe, but his desperality got the better of him. I left him high wide and fugger, shaking his head and wondering what bunch of beads had hit him over his natty head.
Was invited to the Vivienne Westwood Anglomania show as part of Berlin´s Fashion Week. Poor Berlin still has long way to go in the fashion department. What makes Berlin great is that it is a city that is very much seperate from the rest of the world on many fronts. With Fashion Week that uniqueness is encumbered by a sense of trying too hard, and what a shame. Just relax Berlina and be yourself, salty warts and all, you are not Paris, Milan or New York and never will be which is a good thing. But what really got my goad is that people were bringing their children, including new bornes to the fashion show. Get a friggen baby sitter! Sitting above me was Tan Bihn Nguyen, the divine makeup artiste and my Cheap Blacky scene stealing co-star with his bearded and bubbly friend who works with the New York based designer Kai Kühne. I also ran into Gabriel Von Loebel, the minister of information with the Viennese art kollective Gelitin, who was with his very attractive lady friend Sasha. Most of the crowd was dull.
People in Berlin either dress ultra conservative in a boring way or wild in an icky Love Parade fashion. The same goes way with sex, they either only want to fist you or cuddle and nothing in between. I was seated in the first row next to Kim Cattrall, who is now an a-list star due to the phenomenal success of that awful Sex and the City feature film. Kim and i go way back to 1995 when i co-starred with her in the movie Live Nude Girls, one of my few mainstream films. The movie wasnt that good, but the character Kim played forshadowed her role as Samantha in Sex in the City. Canuckian Ms. Cattrall is a good time Sally of the first magnitude, I am happy that she is getting lots of attention after years of being a Hollywood workhorse. Remember she started her career as a sexy ingenue in the original Porky´s. Ms Cattrall surprised me that she could speak fluent German, which was delighting the massive whordes of photographers surrounding us, and Ms. Westwood who sat on the other side of Kim. Before the photog anslaught Ms. Westwood asked me about my cousin Carla of the pioneering LA punk band The Controllers. Carla Duplantier lived in London and was in the band Jimmy The Hoover, she also modeled for Vivienne Westwood. Across the runway from us sat a smug looking Rupert Everett handsome despite the sour expression on his face. Maybe that look was directed at me because he had read what i wrote about him in Butt Magazine. The best thing about a Vivienne Westwood show is Vivienne Westwood, who is the best model of her own designs. She looked divine, much better then the clunky horsefaced mannequins who trotted down the gangplank. Someone needs to teach these girls how to walk in high heels. Even the one boy in the show, a John Wayne is big leggy blondine looked like he wanted to be somewhere else.

ZANZIBAR HELLMOUND
Had a delightful visit at the Cheese Endique Trifecta with Cyril that smoking hot young ItemIdem French boy, who lives in Tokyo and designed the award winning Japanese store for the German designer Bernard Wilhelm. Joining us was teutonic artist Christian Siekmeier, who is back in Berlina after living in New York for 11 years. Herr Siekmieir will be bringing the divine Billy Miller of STH/The Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts to Berlin in October for a residency, and the entire city is a flutter with that information as Mr. Miller is beloved internationally.
After getting my ass kicked once again in German language class i got caught in a summer downpour. Thank god Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim is giving me some Deutsch tutoring. I need it! At my Cheese Endique studio i started prepping to film the sensational DeRohan Chabot who at 16 is the new art infant terrible who will soon dominate the international art market. De Rohan is an incredible sculptor,painter, poet, filmmaker, you name it he does it, and is a combination Rimbaud and Passolini all wrapped up in a beautiful blonde French package. I have to send Dennis Cooper a copy of the movie i made with DeRohan after it is edited, as DeRohan is a huge Cooper fanatic and is the living embodiment of a Dennis Cooper novel. This kid is the real deal, and is hyper masculine with testosterone oozing out of every pour, but at the same time he has this intense innocense and vulnerability. After filming we ate some food at a trendy Thai restaurant and everyone in the place was staring at him, and smiling in appreciation, the waiters even treated us to drinks and extra food, and several men approached giving him their card. We decided on having one last nightcap at Tabasco, a hustler bar at Nollendorky platz, what a mistake that was. The old geezers wouldnt leave us alone, and even the hustlers were trying to pick up on him and give him a freeby. My cinematographer, and coproducer of the film short, Marc Arthur who is 21 and a green eyed beauty in his own right was also getting lots of attention, as i walked both boys to the U-bahn some gay tourists from England pounced on them, and were not taking no for an answer, i swear a crowd of 15 men had surrounded us in a two block radius. A police officer noticed the commotion and offered to give the boys a ride home in his car, which they gladly accepted.

COUNTESS OF WARWICK
Green eyed wonder boy Marc Arthur came by the Cheese Endique Trifecta to do some quick pick up shots. Afterwards we went out for dinner and dwinks, and he relayed his recent adventures in Leipzig where he met 4 humpy boys who have not been ruined by urban gay culture. These young studkins inact a semi S&M scenario involving army uniforms and abandoned buildings, where they literally kidnapped Marc for a week and brutalized him in a most becoming fashion where they all took turns pulling a train on him and turning his little boy hole into a man sized channel. It was a Falcon Video Pac from the 80´s come magically to life. Young Mr. Arthur even brought one of the ruggedest of the lads back to Berlin and enjoyed doing during the day what they had previously been doing all night in the former DDR-land. I am so jealous of Marc, he has all of the luck of the ItalioIrish.
Hector Martinez, who i have known since he was 15 and good friends with Fertile LaToyah Jackson´s sister Grace, came to visit me Sunday with his lover of 12 years Erik-La Pierce. The two took a pitstop detour in Berlin from their Gay Baltic Sea cruise. Hector is an executive with the large American insurance entity Affleck. This company is known for their TV adverts featuring a retarded duck. Hector is fortunate to have one of those giant homosexual disposable incomes, as no one else in the states can afford expensive vacations these days. Last year he and his lover took a gay cruise through the Meditteranean. The last thing on earth i would want to do is take a gay cruise and be stuck on a boat with a bunch of wealthy white faggots.
It was nice seeing Hector and Erik-La and getting caught up on LA gossip. One of these days i will have to write about what Hector told me about Christopher Ciccone, the no goodnic fugly brother of pop star Madonna, who has recently written a tell-all about his famous sister. In fact i don´t think i will write about it in this blog as i don´t want Mr. Ciccone to get any publicity on my account. Not that i am a big fan of his sister Mrs. Ritchie, and that she needs my protection, i just don´t believe in slagging the already slaggy.

MAMA SAY KNOCK YOU OUT!
The Lady Miss Ursula Rucker, first woman of spoken word poetry and sacred temple priestess of WoW, emailed me that i was on her guest list at the Akademie der künste in the Tiergarten, so of course i rode my lady bicycleta as fast as my tiny leggs could peddle them. Ms. Rucker who hails from Philly PA is a protege of the great poet Sonia Sanchez, and that shows in every fiber of her major ms. gorgeous being. This woman is complete confidence and poise stalking the stage, possessing it and the audience with the full power that is the unbridled black female vuvunga. And what a face, radiant and defiant, a conquering heroine wo-man soldier fierce warrior goddess fighting for her people. The Literature werkstatt and poesie festival, Berlin were fortunate to have such a presence in their midst. I have to go out and buy her latest album Ma´at MaMa.

ASTHETIK DER INSTALLATION
The Ms. Davis summer reading recommendation is The Cairo Trilogy by Nobel Prize winner Naguib Mahfouz. Won't tell you any more about, just rush out and buy it! Had a lovely breakfast meeting with super hot tranny Wu from Los Angeles who is in Berlin starring in a remake of the Nazimova silent film Salome based on Oscar Wildes play. Directing the movie is Pauline of the Rhythm King. Wu brought me a gorgeous designer boquet of flowers and some tasty snacks, and we had a great time, a couple of juicy tranny's sitting around talking. Wu is one of the new breed of performative youngsters ruling LA, and revitalizing the stale nightlife. She puts on a weekly club at the old MacArthur Park dive The Silver Platter, which is fast becoming the talk of the town with performances by legends like Ron Athey and Nao Bustamente.
Later in the evening i met with Cheap fearless leader Susanne Sachsse, Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson and his handsome Italian beau Piero for drinks at the famous West Sector Theater tavern Diener. Holding court at the bar in true Konig style was Fassbinder legend Volker Spengler who is a regular ensemble member of playwrite and director Rene Pollesch. I can't wait to see Volker in the next Pollesch piece "Dictator's Wives" which will premiere at the Volksbuhne in September. The great Volker Spengler is a magical human being with michieveous, boyish eyes that are vibrant, magnetic and sexy. What a treasure he is. Everyone who comes to my flat singles out a fabulous photo of Volker and I, in LA from 1999 at my post screening White To Be Angry/Skin Flick party at the dive bar The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady. The night was filled with amazing celebrity in the sensuous, womanly form of Margarita Broich, another big German film and theatre star who is also the wife of famed actor Martin Wuttke who stars in the hit Deutsch TV program Tat Ort, which is a tuetonic version of the American CSI franchise. I also met the internationally known heritage band leader Max Raabe of the Palast Orchestra, and his dapper boyfriend. I have been a fan of Mr. Raabe for many years, so it was very special gettting to meet him in the fleshy flesh.

BABY THE RAIN MUST FALL
Its been pouring rain on and off in Berlin for the last three days. Riding my bike back and forth from German language class has been a little gnarly at times, but also beautiful seeing lovely boys soaking wet so that their clothing becomes transparent----yum. Learning German has been rough. My class is from 2-6pm Mon-Thur with a 30 minute break, and being the morning person that i am, trying to pay attention and retain anything is a trial. K-Johnny Blue is also in my class, and is the star pupil and teachers pet. The two instructors are middle aged gay lovers named Kay and Stefan, and they are very patient and sweet with me, though it must be difficult with such a bad student like myself.
My school is called Babylonia and is a punk rock style laid back language academy in Kreuzberg. There are a few good looking males in the class, a manlische Kurdish/Turk named Fahrad, who Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim would flip for, as he is tiny, muscular with a nice smile and bubblelicious Beyonce buttocks, and a young Australian boy named Reece who looks very intellectual and is soft spoken. There was this young, energetic, lanky Irish lad name Eric but his German was so good that he switched to the more intermediate class. Unfortunately not one man in the class looks like he has a dickus of deathos, so i doubt if i will be meeting my next contemporary temporary husband.
Last night the great Susanne Sachße had one of her stylish dinner parties at her eastside compound. To be invited to the famous oval table of Ms. Sachße is one of Berlin´s most royal treats. Enjoying the feast of Ranchipur was superstar DJ and top Euro performer Snax,who also performs in Peaches´band, infant terrible Travis Jeppeson with Slovakian lover Mario, juicy Anna Muelter, Daniel Hendrickson, Marc Siegel, Susanne´s gorgeous 13 year old twins Salome and Richard, and Richards little cute school boyfriend Jacob, who is going to turn into quite a hunkasaurus when he gets older. I had a breakfast meeting, so i left the soiree early and didnt get a chance to meet Miss Suzi´s new secret lover, the famous footballer Michael Ballack. But i did get a chance to watch with everyone the 1972 film The Baby starring noir actress Ruth Roman and Anjanette Comer. Snax had a copy of this insane film, and you can rest assured that the next production of Cheap will be Cheap Baby based on this cult film with Christophe de Rohan Chabot in the role of the adult baby, Susanne Sachße as the kinky social worker and yours truly as the overprotective mother. I´m so excited about this that we may put on hold doing Cheap Summer, our version of Tennessee Williams Suddenly Last Summer with Susanne playing once again Liz Taylor, mainstream German actor Moritz Bleaubtreau in the Monty Cliff role and Ms. Davis as Katherine Hepburn. We´ll see what happens.
The other evening i had a wonderous time with Lydia Hamann, one of my Weißensee students who also worked with me on the Arrogance of Youth project. We had dinner at a quaint little tapas bar, and dainties at Gemelli´s. Lydia is smart, sexy and uninhibited and one of my favorite Berlin girls. She really knows how to make this city come alive.

SIE WERDEN IMMER GRÖßER
Claudia Gonson, the sweet and perky female husband of Stephin Merritt emailed me that the Magnetic Fields were in Berlin performing at the Passion Church in Kreuzberg. Of course i was there in a New York second with my youthful companion, the lovesexy tuetonic actor David Kross, who just made a film where he plays the love interest of Kate Winslet. Its a nice feeling to be the object of affection from a beautiful boy. Of course nothing can come of it, as he is such a puppy.
So lovely seeing Claudia and Stephin. Claudia was in good voice, and i always enjoy the banter between her and Mr. Merritt, and seeing them in this place of worship just made the whole proceedings extra special and sublime. The Magnetic Fields summer Euro tour will probably come to your town soon, so check their website at www.Houseoftomorrow.com and also go out immediately and buy their new album Distortion that is in bright pink dayglo packaging. One of the added pleasures of this particular tour is that long time collaborator Shirley Simms is with them, and believe you me, this is quite a treat as her voice is prominent in 69 Love songs, the bands opus. In fact you should rush out and purchase all the Stephin Merritt projects which include Future Bible Heroes, The 6ths and The Gothic Archies.
The eye candy of the band is pie faced Asian beauty boy John Woo on guitar and lean& lanky Sam Davol, the on cello, who has the most gorgeous mass of pre-mature grey hair i have ever seen, this side of a young Richard Gere. Both boys have cocks i´d sure like to chugg down on, and receive a mouthful of super yummy excess semen. I don´t know the marital status of Mr. Woo, but Mr. Davol is spoken for with two small children and a petite patrician blondine wife, and he lives in Boston. How do i know all this? Well there was an article about the Davol´s in the New York Times last year that was reprinted in the Hearst International Paper,The Herald Tribune.

YOU´RE SO HAYLEY MILLS
Still suffering a bit from the flying patootis, but managed to go to the premiera of Das Doppelte Lottchen at The Parkauer. Thank god openings at childrens theatre´s are in the morning. Das Doppelte Lottchen was written by Erich Kästner, and is the original story where the 1960 Disney film The Parent Trap comes from.
Cheap´s fearless leader Susanne Sachße stars in the Maureen O´Hara role of the glam mother, and of course her stage presence shines supreme. You want to see more of her whenever she is in front of the footlights. I was howling from laughter with her Shirley Temple homage during a fantasy dream sequence. My Max und Moritz colleguen Elizabeth Heckel and Katrin Heinrich also shine, and Moritz Müller did a fantastic job with the set design, but i felt his cotumes except for Susanne´s left a little to be desired, though i liked the Oscar Levant style tails for Hagen Löwe in the Brian Keith role.
The director Milan Peschel, is a Voksbühne actor, and it shows with all the unecessary screaming action. I guess that is a characteristic of mainstream German plays that i just don´t understand. I would also cut the length by a good 45 minutes, as both kids and adults seemed more then a bit restless by sitting in very uncomfortable seats for 2 1/2 hours.

THE FLYING PATOOTIS
After having a glorious time as the MC for the Gossip show at Columbia Halle, i rode my bike home and started excrementing. I got a similar stomach virus after the Berlinale, that included not only projectile shitting but vomitting as well. Thank god, i didnt throw up this time, and the muscle spasms and cramping didn´t last for a 24 hour period leaving me racked in excruciating pain. Missed German language class yesterday, and a chance to hang out with Tara aka Annie Oaklely (the manager of the Gossip, creator of Sex Workers Art Show) , and the beautiful Ms. Beth Ditto and gang who had one day off in Berlina.
There is no band out there who is doing what the Gossip are doing. Ms. Ditto is a presence to reckon with, powerful and sublime and sexy as all get go. The sold out crowd was enthusiastic and giving the goddess the proper worship she deserves. And there arent enough superlatives to describe Beth Ditto. She shows all the other so called singers how it is supposed to be done, as she drips with southern charm, a smoldering kitten with a whip. Alice Bag, of the legendary punk rock band The Bags and my colleguen in Cholita, the female Menudo was the first person to turn me on to Beth Ditto and the Gossip. Alice never praises other singers, but with Ms. Ditto she was raving!
When i was writing for the LA Weekly i tried to get my editor to let me interview her, but he passed on it----which i am sure he regrets now.
It was so great catching up with Ms. Tara who also produced Homo-A-GoGo, which was the last time i was on the same bill with the Gossip. I also loved hanging with their seasoned road crew, and the caterers cooked a meal that was downright yummy, or as they say in Deutsch "lecher". hope i spelled that right. The opening band of teenagers Pencil Dick, i mean Pencil Toes from London England were cute and juicy putting in a fast paced and wirey enthusiastic set. Its 90 degrees today in Berlin, and i am still feeling a bit sick, so this report will end now.

FAMISHED FOR THE LIGHT ONES
Had a glorious dinner date with adorable and cute Christian F, who was this year´s Berlinale intern and also was one of my talented assistants with the Clubszene project. Christian is 27 years old, but looks 16 and has a gay twin brother. He is originally from Bavaria and has only been living in Berlin for a year working on a Phd on the films of Gus Van Sant.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant around the corner from my punque rock language school Babylonia.
Later we went down the block to have dainties at this charming cafe called Gemelli´s where we ran into Joana, one of my Weißensee students and drag king artiste Antonia Beard. Christian lives on Soauer Str in a lovely little flat that overlooks an enchanted garden.
2nite after class i have to rush to Columbia Halle where i will be the MC for the Gossip show starring the incredible Beth Dito. Her manager is Annie Oakley of the Sex Workers Tour fame. I haven´t seen Ms. Oakley since i performed at the Homo-A-GoGo that she organized in 2006. Should be a fun evening.

VANITY FAITH PAVILIONS
Filmed little Marc Art Garfunkle´s project on Saturday. I play Morpheus with Christophe de Rohan Chabot as my beautiful dreamy, innocent dance partner, where i get to Martha my very own Graham crackers in a terpischorean battle beyond death. A talented French man named Fred, who needs to cut those dreadlocks he wears off, played the most sublime music live, and the set and make-up design was by personable Greek passive Nicolas Zavaliaris, who just moved to Berlin from swinging London town.
Later i met up with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, and we went to the so-called alternative Christopher Street Gay in Kreuzberg on OranianbergerStr. What a dull affair. Was going to meet up again with writer Travis Jeppeson and his boy pussy posse, but i was exhausted from filming earlier, and Friday i got to catch up with young Mr. Jeppeson, who at 16 is one of the most talented and prolific children on the planet with writings in all forms that include novels, poetry, journals and journalism, plus he has a giant white penis that is much coveted by men on three continents. His list of older male admirers is endless.
Sunday i decided i had to treat myself to a massage, the triple assault of the Klubszene Project, Filming an Independent movie, and Deutsch Language class has caused a stiffness in my joints that needed a professionals soothing, healing touch. I recruited young Marc Arthur as my companion, and we ventured to the Treibhause Sauna & Spa for relaxation treatments. Poor Marc was pounced on immediately upon entering, with every chicken hawk in the place developing octopussy hands the minute his 22 year old self hit the marble floor. I found it hilarious when a nutty couple were desperately trying to fashion a hot sex scene by acting out shamelessly, fornicating in an open space. The skinny pretend top kept thumping into his lover with gutteral moans and jackhammer plowing. Too bad when he´d pull out his penis it was hardly colossal measuring clit length skinny and under 3 puny inches. What he was hoping for was that he´d excite some passing manheimer who would climb on board and turn him into lucky Pierre, but the crowde at this sex palace are seasoned sluts, who are aware of all the queeny tricks a hungry sloppy bottom may pull in their search for the prized cruel club.
I was really hating a barrel chested couple who were in extreme search and destroy mode for a hot buttered fourgy, later in the evening they actually got their gnut with two dickticusses. Even in a gay sauna the football madness reared its three headed gydra. Germany lost to Spain, but it didnt stop the fans from whooping it up until the wee hours. I am happy that the Euro cup is over, and things can return to some sense of whoremalcy.

THE PARK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Hunky lovesexy Russian artist Slava Mogutin sent me a copy of his latest photography tome New York GoGo, his sophemore effort after the tremendously successful Lost Boys. That Slava can do no wrong, and these photo essays are majestic in their capturing of detailic moments in the prostitutic melanoma of Manhattan boygesse. Bruce Benderson´s forward sets the tone in giving some background on Mr. Mogutin, and his importance on the cultural zeitgeist. One particular series in the book features a Nubian Peter Berlin, stockinged phallus flops from painted on daisy dukes, but its the entire composition that ignites, not just the subject´s splendor but even the floor in which he stands, this is where Slava shines as a Nadarlike portraiturist. A few pages before i gasped at the Rican minx wearing a prince of the homosexuals crown--- part diadem, part thorns, and all equal to Ruskian granada.

ZICKIG
Was listening to NPR/Berlin´s Talk of the Nation, and you´ll never guess who was on the program? O i´ll just tell you. Evan Wright was on the show plugging the new HBO mini-series Generation Kill, that is based on his book of the same name. Evan is quite a hustler and grifter, and i guess he has grifted the big time now, as he has handled the adaptation duties of his book to the small pay TV screen. The material for this all started as a series of articles for Rolling Stone Magazine. Let me explain my connection to Evan Wright. Evan use to be married to Crepe Suzette aka: Susan Mathelson a big Hollywood costume designer for feature films, who has also performed with me in several of my Euro traveling pieces. Besides designing some fabulous gowns for this giant doll, Susan also use to work for Mattel designing for the ultimate toy, namely Barbie.
One thing i bet won´t make it to television is Evan´s homosexual experiences with the Marines he spent time with in Iraq. Not only did he participate in some juicy whorgies with the young cute boys, but several times they pulled a train on him. Evan is quite a horndog, and although he prefers women, he is no stranger to ribald mansex.

THE MAD MISS MANTON
The Festival Der Jugendclubs an Berliner Bühnen is now over, and the piece i created with Tim Blue of Cheap called The Arrogance of Youth was a sterling success. I was very proud of my beautiful youth groups who focused all their energies in creating a sublime work that had a lot of Fluxus style and appeal. Imagine my surprise early Sunday morning when i get a phone call from Sean Carrillo the husband of Bibbe Hansen, the youngest of the Warhol superstars, mother of pop star Beck. and daughter of famed Fluxus artist Al Hansen, that they are in Berlin and are coming to my event. Bibbe said the piece was "dangerous", and there could be no better compliment then that. Also in the audience was Amelie Mallman, one of the Parkauer dramaturgy´s, Senol Senturk and Angie Baby who worked on Cheap Blacky, film historian Marc Siegel with ladylove Susanne Sachße, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, artist Monika Kramp, therapist to the Berlin stars Sabina Bauer and actor Jurgen Vogel, who is extremely handsome but has really bad teeth.
I want to thank all the wonderful assistants on the project starting with Lydia Hamann, Christian F., Kjohnny Blue, and Michel Le Grande. The HAU production staff of Mayka Hamsen, Maria Kusche, Leonie Kusterer, Khaled Sulima, Kahina Toutaqui and Pia Engel and the Stage Staff who made the piece shine like a perfect jewel: Jorg Fischer, Piotr Rybkowski, Veit Gries and his amazing lighting with assist by Ingo Ruggenthaler and sound by Matthias Kirschke.
Oh and lets not forget the future superstars of tomorrow, from the Deutsches Theater: Alexander Bahr, Maik Holfert, Lisa Hrdina, Marie Jordan, Nele Suhler, Paula Thielecke, Gaia Vogel, Antoine Brison, who is already a working actor on a German soap, Klemons Hegen, Marie Therese Fischer, Laura Pfisterer.
From the Schaubühne: Amadeus Fechner, Grete Gehrke, sweet gentle giant Simon Karmoll, Jennifer Lambrecht, hilarious Fabian Linß, hunky and super manlische David Pakzad, Astrid Pendarvis, and Janine Quaegwer
From Grips Theatre: Bastian Benrath, Daniel Goebel, Roxana Karow, Chris Lee Curtis Abiola, Vanessa Einbrodt, Josephine Krause, Miriam Ritter and Johanna Wolff
From Theater Strahl: Cheyenne Schlüter, Jolene Leitlauf, Katherina Heisig, Kelly Schlüter, Luisa Seikel, Mara Niese, Marie Hamayel-Peters, MIchelle Biallowons, Sophia Wohlfahrt, Thea von Wedel, Viviann Wilmot
From Parkaue: Marius Ahrendt, Julia Goldhahn, Karola Hakel, Moira Joachim, Sophie Kalweit, Paul Krüger, Alexandra Kunde, Sophia Lebedewa, Deborah Levy, Sophie Mangelsen, Johanna Pahl, Linn Reusse, Nathalie Schwichtenberg
From Veganten Bühne: Angela Bittel, Anja Fahlenkamp, Alex Finger, Katherina Finger, Torsten Flassig, Lea Lochau, Tim Mehlis, Lara Mercier, Vangeli Sargantzoglou, Paula Tebbens
Theatre im Palais and Fight Club from HAU the first group that Tim and i met who we bonded with. Fight Club closed the festival on Saturday with a gorgeous performative presentation and i want to send special kisses to Sercan Aydilek, Clea Funke, Domi Grillenberger, Ella Schmidt, mina Stöhr, Ayse Gül Var, Elvin Aliev, Antonio Ciervo, Jenny Pantzke, Pia Epping, Rosalie Phoniam
I would like to take a long vacation to recover from the project, but i can´t because i am taking German language classes every day for the next six weeks. Yesterday was the first day, and it is so hard. The classes are from 2pm-5:30 and since i am a morning person, its very difficult to stay alert in the late afternoon. Kjohnny Blue is also in my class, which is nice, and all the people seem very sweet.

FEDERLINE MOMENTA
Met with cute little red scarf boy Michel, who is going to assist Tim Blue and i for the Klubszene project at Hebbel on Saturday and Sunday. Later i met with Tara, who use to do my make-up whenever i performed in Chicago. We haven´t seen each other in a coon´s age, so it was nice to catch up with her and meet her silver Fox beau who is a successful real estate tycoon. We had drinks and snacks in the bar of the Ritz Carleton Hotel in Potsdamer Platz--- very snazzy. When i was leaving i ran into Hollywood film star and on the downlow homo, Will Smith who is in Berlin for the opening of some horrible new movie of his. I wonder if he brought his lesbiana wife Jada Pinkett? Probably not as he probably will turn his suite into a bordello filled with luscious young bubble butt Tuetonic blondine boys. Hurray for him!
On the S-Bahn it was hard to escape from the football hysterics raging through the city. Ran into the Ramani Twins from Super Seven Hundred, their Albanian father and the handsome German/American beau of one of the girls. They recommended i check out a Deutch singer named Ton Steine Scherben.
The next morning i met with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his boyfriend Piero. Daniel helped me choose a Deutch language school, and later i signed up for my courses which i am excited about. I´ve been coming to Germany for a quarter of a century, and have never learned the language, even though i have a German father who is of the nobility class. Perhaps by the time the Arsenal Experimental/Forum Expanded Sunscreens Festival of experimental film and video hits Berlin i will be sprouting out witty bon mits in perferct Hanover style Deutsch.

BESSER ESSEN SCHÖNER LEBEN
Tim Blue and i had a long day filled with excitement as we hit the pavement literally walking all over Berlin to see some more youth groups in their natural habitats. At the Schaubühne Theatre we met with gorgeous and spirited Uta and her group Die Zwiefachen who were in the middle of intense rehearsals for their piece Weg, that will travel to Liverpool England soon. What they are developing is personal stories of healing and redemption, where graceful and powerful physical movement and sound work as an interlinker for utopian possibilities. Beauty, Beauty, Beauty is all i can say as i was swept up in all the exhuberance and lovesexy emoting. As we were leaving and walking down the K-Damn a lightening and thunderstorm gave us a nice baptismal cleansing, which felt prophetic.
We walked through the Tiergarten to Mitte and stopped at a lovely Argentine Cafe for much needed nourishment. At the Deutschestheater we saw the Junges DT production of Gepäack Ohne Aufsicht which knocked us out with its sensory overload and zest. Their highly original and stylized take on all forms of terrorism and plunder was fast paced and ambitious, with dazzling imagery and evocative moods that would put adult thespians to shame. My favorite scenes involved a pitch tent of girls, that morph into the witches of MacBeth so effortlessly to chilling result, and a short vignette where one boy is told to repeat his action but make it more sexy, which he does in a coo-ing sex kitten and titty show histrionic that was very more is more.
Its really exhilerating to find young people who are committing themselves to daring forms of expression and are willing to take the risk to escape the clutches of middleclassicism. Perhaps there is hope for the future, and Tim Blue and i are sure looking forward to working with such a diverse group of talented Berliners.

SWIRLING CONTANNA
Tan Bihn Nyguyen the amazing Vietnemese make-up artist for Cheap Blacky was actually surprised at his surprise birthday shindig the other evening in Neu Köln. Leaving the soiree i had to look at fugly football crusties on the S-Bahn. Sure will be glad when all this Euro-cup hoopla is over with. All the nationalism surrounding the love of soccer is more then a little scary in fascist prone Europa with all the zealots walking around wearing flags and what not.
Friday i attended Nicholas Weist´s art show The Dulcet Clime of the Bedchamber at Goff Rosenthal Gallery in Mitte. My companion was the delightful Marc Arthur, who i absolutely adore hanging out with. Its so nice being around smart young people, who also have large penises and tight bodies. Lots of luminaries like experimental film legendina Birgit Hein were in attendance as well as Otto stars Susanne Sachße and Christophe Chemin, artist Christian Siekmeier, my blondine Weißensee student Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Arsenal intern Christian F., Marcu Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson and of course a host of art fags. Why is it that these Berlin faggots all seem like the only sex they have is rubbing their butts together hoping that the friction will cause some sort of spontaneous orgasmic combustion.
I usually never attend these kind of events, but this show was so well curated by Mr. Weist, and featured such a delicious roster of international artists like Nayland Blake, that i couldnt resist. I really like the Basso Menstruel Tree in the courtyard, and William E. Jones´mash-up of blue movies from the late 60´s to mid 80s---William Higgens forever! I don´t remember the name of the artist who created the sculpture of pink books and magazines, but that really sleighed me as well.
As part of the Klubszene project that Tim Blue and i are working on we saw a production by the youth theatre group Banda Agita at the Grips Theatre that is adjacent to the Schiller Teatre in the old west sector. The piece was called Letzter Aufruf Paradise, and was set in a cyber future filled with scavengers desperate for everything. Basically it was a preview of the future of planet earth. It was wonderful to be surrounded by such youthful energy and sexy abandon on stage. I really felt like i was watching some future stars about to explode. I especially loved a ginger headed boy who reminded me of Fassbinder, a statuesque girl with a lip ring who played the personification of pure evil, and a dred locked mulatto boy who was both masculine and feminine at the same time. One of the boys in the piece, a spectacularly gorgeous Turkish boy had been a member of the company last year, and begged to be in the piece doing a cameo. I can´t wait to work with all them next week when we mount our performance piece "The Arrogance of Youth" which will feature 150 kids from these groups from all over Berlin. It should be the ultimate solstice hoot.

FOOTBALL OVERBITE
Berlin is in the midst of mass hysteria. I didnt exactly know what was going on until i ran into Daniel Hendrickson´s boyfriend Piero on the street, who told me that there is some soccer championship game that Germany won against Poland which mitigated some old WW II scars and testosty fueled homo panic set in.
The sight of the clamoring whordes filling restaurants and cafes parked in front of flat screen TV´s is just too sick to be believed.
I hate sports, but i wouldn´t mind bagging me a football player or two.
***
Met lovely Nick Weist, the visiting young New York artist who is curating a show that opens this Friday at the Goff´s Rosenthal Gallery. We hung out at Silver Future dwinking and stinking with his sexy French pal Guillaume, who is also good friends with Bob Nickas who was in Berlin in January. The Future was jam packed with Drag Kings and Queens. The weekend was part of a major drag festival. Who knew?
Some fans who saw my shows at Peres Projects and at the West Germany Club came up to me to introduce themselves, and Kjohnny Blue, who lives around the corner also popped in for a brewski. The next evening was Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal. Seen watching Mabel Normand, the great Marie Dressler and Charlie Chaplin in Tillie´s Punctured Romance was Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, the sweet and pretty directrix of the Friends of the Deutsch Cinema, bubble butt hottie Nanna Heidenreich with juicy gal pal Angie, matinee idol Uli with his perky Polish girlfriend, visiting New York art royal Nick Weist with Funny Games star Brady Corbet,British performance darling Keira O´Reilly looking ravishing, experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, boy about town, Marc Arthur, red scarf fetish cutee Michel Pee Pee, and German artist Christian Siekmeier with his American ginger lover. Was starved after all the festivities so had a late supper at an Indian restaurant in Kreuzeberg and drinks at Barbie Dienhoff, where the great Alessio was the mistress behind the bar.
The next day i guest starred with the Kitchens, Tim Blue´s live music and film projection band for the closing night installation of the HAU´s Apartments of Neu Köln Project. Had a great time playing experimental music with Tim, his brother Kjohnny and upstairs neighbor Baaker. Tim´s other neighbor Monika also engaged me in some solemn woman-to-woman talk about relationships at her beautiful atelier. Let it be known that the doll is ready to take any and all advice to her tender trap heart.

LIEBE ZUSCHAUER UND MITWIRKENDE
Forgot to mention that sweet little Marco, the Italian beau of French superstud Maxime Cervulle was in town with his hot dyke ladyfriend Mariela and they came to see me perform at the West Germany Club with The New Bloods as well as my Happening at the Halla.
I thought i was going to Paris to DJ at the Porn Film Festival, but stupid Hustler Magazine withdrew their grant to the festival, and that was going to take care of my accomodations, travel and honorarium. Oh welp, i was just in Paris awhile back. Hopefully someone will bring me their again in the fall, which is much better then a summer trip.
On July 1st Beth Ditto and the Gossip come through Berlin and i am supposed to be the MC at their show at Columbia Halle next to Flughafen Templehoff, the Nazi Airport.
Last night i was the date of Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim for the X Wohnungen Project that spotlighted, performances, installations and films screenings at different apartments in the neighborhood of Neu Köln. The route we took started at a bordello, which they should have made part of the process, having an artist dress it up or something . . . that was a curatorial miss step in my opinion. The first apartment on our itinerary was art directed, and featured a performance by my Cheap Blacky co-star Christophe Chemin working the alchemy that only he is known for. Next was a brilliant new film and live music presentation by Tim Blue, assisted by his brother KJohnny Blue, that was completely sublime.
On Sanderstr 10 was a hetero kitch piece that featured the German fascination with kareoke. I did enjoy singing the Pet Shop Boys remake of The Village People´s Go West, but was a bit put off by the lazyness of turning the audience into the performance.
On Pflügerstraße 64 a man sang a dull song accompanied by TV newsfootage.
At Friedelstrasse 61,the Turkish artist Nurkan Erpulat created pure ecstacy with her witty tableaux vivant through a key hole, likewise at Weserstrasse 212 the home of gifted Troy Lopez, the chef to the Berlin stars along with playful and robust soundscape artist Eric D. Clark getting cunty suprema with a delightful original disco medly along with la Lopez´Jamaica style fisting crepes----voila!!! So much of art today lacks generosity, so the combination of Clark and Lopez fueling art for the senses was a much needed treat.
At Weichelstrasse 8a, the gorgeous Ideal Passage Apt Complex beckoned. Too bad the blondine assistant was such an icky little sourpuss, who really wasn´t featuring me the minute he laid eyes on la doll. He was a cute kid with a nice tight ass, but he really deserved to get beaten up. Thankfully the William Tell like host was personable and attractive.
At Sonnenallee 65 Daniela and i weren´t up to playing the Kirsten Pieroth knock knock game, but it was nice being read a Ted Hughes like poem by Carl Holmquist even though the party surroundings was a major irritant---- there wasn´t one cute boy at the affected soiree that i would have liked to snog, let alone chit chat with. We did have a good time at the opening party at the WAU Cafe. It was great to see and hang with Peaches whose X Wohnungen performance installation was the talk of the evening, i wish it was on my route. I would have also loved to see the Walter Gropius project haus and the activity that was part of that action. Oh welpsis at least i got some sugar from delicious Anna Muelter, Christian F, Suzi Su and a host of other familiar and loving faces that kept coming out of the wood and pantyworks. Too bad my knock knees kept me from dancing to Sheila Chipper of Elastica fames spunky party mix.

ICH VERSUCHE; MICH VON SCHLECHTEM FERNZULHALTEN
So sorry its taken me forever to post something, but the combination heavy duty schedule of performances, events and teaching assignments with the heat wave has left me war torn and battered. I will begin by saying that i had a lovely time in Stuttgard teaching at the Merz Akademie a performance art workshop for a week that culminated in a short performance with my students. Shout outs to a gifted gang of young people: Jasmin Bauer, Elisabeth Dreher, Isabel Kast, Steffen Kottner, Kristin Pfeuffer, Daniel Schenk, Carola Hähnel, Ann-Lena Carl, Christian Goldemann, Christian Greiner, Hanno Heilbronner, Isabel Pettinatio, Julia Weiß, Steven Ziegler and Erik Sturm. They wowed their colleguens with a spirited akshunist, fluxus style happening called "Modangela" that was a major hoot. The Merz Akademie is housed in a former insane assylum, the perfect place for Vaginal Davis to teach. Stuttgard may seem provincial and extremely clean and middle class, but remember its where the RAF came from. The dean of the school treated all the guest teachers to a super exotic Afrikan dinner at the restaurant Ambiente, where we had our choice of entres that included Zebra, Ostrich, Antelope or Crocodile.
Got to meet my fellow art teachers that included Stefan Pren and Stefan Eckel of b books kollective, along with Dutch beauty Harmine Louwe', Stephan Geene, Nicola Ritter, Ekkehard Ehlers, Gijs Gieskes and Jana Frank.
At dinner i met sexy, radikal art provacateur Oliver Voss, a juicy manicre, who i wouldnt mind jumping on his said proverbial love bone. Also drank in to the wee hours with Peter Ott, the Hamburg documentary filmmaker, theorist Helmut Draxler, Russian computer art designer Olia Lialina, filmmaker Christina Lang, design theorist Dr. Yvonne P. Doderer and Christoph Dreher, the cineaste and cameraman who use to be in the punk band Diehaut.
Before Stuttgard, i taught for a week at the art school Weißensee, then presented a piece "You'll Know What To Do" with the students in what writer Travis Jeppeson called an avante gard boot camp, at the Raumerweiterungshalle a DDR style container in Neu Köln, where some of the students work as part of a very sophisticated art kollective producing an interesting body of events that you should check out. After performing to a SRO crowd we all joined forces for some fried chicken at AReis, the Lebenese chicken shack on Sonnenalle, then more dwinking and stinking at Silver Future. I am sure you will be hearing a lot more from Annette Knol, Lydia Hamann, Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Anne Duk, Jenny Cash, Joana Coppi, Katja and Anna. They are definately all artists that the international scene will benefit from.
O and i also performed with Kjohnny Blue of Cheap opening for the Portland Oregan band signed to the Kill Rock Stars label, The New Bloods, along with Humousexual at West Germany in Kreutzeberg. I usually don't perform at rock clubs, but this was something special organized by the promoters Le Mustache, at a odd little club in an office building that reminded me of the early days of the Masque for some reason, though it didnt look like the Masque, but more like a shower in a gay bathhouse. Everyone at West Berlin including its owner and intern were sweet and accomodating. Earlier in the evening the cute British/German gay couple who head Humousexual hosted a vegan dinner, that was scrumpteous. So nice connecting with the black sister women of The New Bloods, who have such an original sound that includes a violin along with guitar and drums. I love how when they are on stage they completely ignore the audience and engage in private conversation. I had to buy their LP on vinyl no less, which will be added to my playlist when i DJ. Wanted a T-shirt, but they were all sold out.
For the May version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars we screened The Perils of Pauline starring Pearl White, with music accompanyment by the Blue Bros, Tim and KJohnny who out did themselves this year with what looked like a floor scattered with 100 different musical instruments of unknown origins. In the audience was the Cheapies: Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson, and fearless leader Susanne Sachße, handsome Uli with Guillame, Marc Arthur, Travis Jeppeson with beau Mario, and a young German underwear model knows as the concubine of Terence Koh, Christophe Chemin, Anna Muelter, Christian F., Nanna Heidenreich, Katja and Christophe de Rohan of my Weißensee class, Arsenal director Stefanie Schulte Strathaus making a glorious and humorous introduction to the proceedings which began with lots of wine liberally flowing amongst the audience. Seen having a good old girlish time, German film legend Birgit Hein with important cultural figure Dorothee Wenner of the Berlinale Talent campus. Later we all ventured to Kreuzeberg for the annual birthday bash of Angie Baby and bedroom eyed Turkish lothario Senol Senturk made extra special by Arsenal Empress Stefanie, screening a rare experimental film starring Marilyn Monroe in dishabille. No she didnt show the recently discovered blue movie where Ms. Monroe is performing fellatio on the large genitals of John F. Kennedy.
***
The last three days were devoted to the final performances of Cheap's production of Max und Moritz at the Parkaur. It was sad to say goodbye to a piece so filled with joy, and an excellent cast with a delightful musical score provided by Tim Blue. I play a sexy, permiscuous Witwe Bolte, who causes havoc with her all-dancing,all-singing, well trained chickens---poot, poot, poot. The heads of the childrens theatre will probably regret cancelling this production, which attracted the Bundespresident for a command performance at Schloss Castle Belleview. If they had only known how to properly promote the piece, they could have had a crossover hit, that not only appealed to children but adults. But state sponsored theatres rarely show such a visionary tract. Too bad.
***
This Saturday is the June version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal at the Sony Center in Potsdamer Platz, 9:30 pm at the intimate Theatre 2. We will screen comedy great Mabel Normand in Tillie's Punctured Romance also starring the great Marie Dressler and a pre-fame Charlie Chaplain. The wonderful Eunice Martin will accompany the film on piano, and after the screening a free wine reception in the Rote Foyer.

SOMMERSEMESTER IN STUTTGARD

Sorry i haven´t written anything in such a long time, but i have been extremely busy the past few weeks, first with my teaching a performance art workshop with the art students at Weißensee, and now at the Merz Academie in Southern Germany.  Arrived yesterday, and the city is quite lovely, and picturesque with lots of rolling hills, and very clean, with very few drucken crusties.  They have put me up at the International Student Hotel, which is delightful, with a friendly and accomodating staff.  The Merz Academie is small, and the students are sweet, with warm, smiling faces.  My class is mainly girls, all pretty, perky and energetic, with 5 handsome boys, in all 15 young people who  seem very committed, focused and ready to get down and work.  On the first day we  even came up with a theme, and name for the project which we will present on Friday at 1:30.  Won´t tell you anything more then that right now.

The weather here is boiling hot, so i´m a little veklempt.  Would love to give you details about the workshops with the Weißensee students and also our Happening, my show with The New Bloods from Portland Oregon and the latest Rising Stars, Falling stars, but you´ll just have to wait------sorry. Believe me,  I am not  trying to be all mysterious and shit, i just had a long day, and i need to get something to eat and even though its only around 5pm i want to go to bed.   

EXPRESSIVE SCHMUCK KREATIONEN
Tim Blue and I met with the youth group at the Stahl Theatre called Straight to Stage. The kids were much younger then Fight Club at The Hebbel. This group were between the ages of 10-15, and were very, cute, focused and determined. Their peppy facilitator Karen, and her assistants had them on a very tight schedule. They are working on a project called Julia & Julia, a girl/girl love story that also encompasses class conflict. We watched them work for a few hours, and also had a delicious lunch with them, and the Intendant of the theatre, a man named Wolfgang who is a big Nick Cave fan from the Birthday Party days in Berlin in the early 1980s. The girls seemed to really get into filling out our Slam Book, and were doing it in a very creative fashion.
Later that afternoon i finally got my bike fixed at this shop where the repairman was really sweet and jovial----I think he was a dinge queen.
My bike has been broken since November, and with this warm weather i had to splurge and get it up and running. In the early evening i rode to the Herbert Tobias exhibit at the Berlinishe Museum in this wierd area that is between Mitte and Kreuzberg. Tobias is a legendary German faggot art and fashion photographer famous from the 50s till his death in the early 80s. He is responsible for giving Nico her name, after one of his lovers, the Greek filmmaker Nico Papitakis, who worked with Jean Genet. There was some great fashion photos of Nico when she was a teen in the 50s, and a picture featuring a great looking young, Klaus Kinski, and Andreas Bader of the RAF, who was also one of Tobias' hot tricks. My friend, the brilliant art photog Annette Frick also showed her lovely short documentary film on Tobias which features some of his more daring S&M work that the timid curators of this show have pretty much decided to ignore, which is typical of institutions. It was great seeing Annette and boyfriend Wilhelm Hein, as well as the Cheap gang, with fearless leader Susanne Sachße, film historian Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, and Tim Blue with his Jamaican concert pianist beau David. Also saw my Berlinale intern Julius Bauer, engaged in an intense conversation, Austrian poet Sissy Tax. East German super 8 filmmaker Thomas Werner, Trixie, the famed former prima ballerina with the Frankfurt Ballet, and friend of Jack Smith and star of the movie "Trixie" by handicapped British experimental filmmaker Steve Dwoskin. Trixie's husband Peter Schonherr, the experimental cineaste who worked with Otto Muel, was huddled next to dear Anna Muelter of The Hebbel Theatre, photographer Andreas Fux, actor Constantine Berger with his SPD boyfriend. The SPD is Germany's version of the democratic party. Herr Berger has one of the largest penises in Europe, and him and his politician boyfriend love to make passionate love in the Reichstag after hours. Now that is hot!!!!!
Also seen schmoozing at the exhibit: Detlev of the Schwules Museo in Mehringdamm, Gunther, the famed muse of Karl Lagerfeld and hero to the hearing impaired community of Berlin, independent curator Frank Wagner, and Ricardo Tisci, the humpy Italian working in Paris who heads Givenchy Haute Couture, Ready-to-wear and women's accessories as well as the men's wear and accessories division with the LVMH colossus. Talk about a success story, i remember when i first met the exquisitely handsome Mr. Tisci he was working for Puma. I still have some of the swag he first gave me.

BEGUILER OF STARS
Met with my wonderful Wießensee students Joana, Lydia and Jenny at the cute Neu Köln queer space Silver Future. It was lovely hanging out with the gang, dwinking and snacking, before we begin a week of workshopping at this container space north of the Hermannplaty. The bar gets quite lively, and has an infectious energy. Vivacious owner Katta wasn't wearing her Elvis Herselvis hairdo, but she is so marvelously personable, and is such a warm hostessa that this pub is becoming my new favorite place in all of Berlina.
Earlier i met with Empress Stefanie of the Arsenal and her right hand girl Nanna Heidenreich, to solidify my Rising Stars, Falling Stars program for June and also to look through their database of films to fill out what i will be presenting for the rest of the year. Next week on Saturday May 24th we return to the world of the film serial and The Perils of Pauline starring one of the first screen international superstars Pearl White. The 1913-14 production will feature the Blue Bros. Tim & Kjohnny with live acommpaniment, and this time we will be in the smaller Kino 2 theatre for a more intimate feel. The event starts earlier at 7:30pm, so feel free to come and go, get a snack or two, but stay afterward for drinks in the rote foyer. Every month there are new people, so you never know who you might wind up with as the evening progresses.
I am so grateful to Nanna's hot girlfriend Angelika for bringing me back from the states some drugs in the form of American style aspirin, and cold tylenol PM. Miss Angie baby you are a lifesaver!!!!
Every day i spend most of the morning to late afternoon it seems at the Kunst Library near the Christiane F. Zoo Banoff. The hottest, most sexiest boys can be found at this library stalking the open stacks. Yummy, yummy and more under the yum yum tree. Yesterday when i was leaving, i saw a super humpy Babylonian gorgon of a boy, with peaches and cream complexion, dark hair, full pouty lips, a rack of warmed over death and booty to build a dream on, as i was staring at him, some little balding man approached me and asked if i spoke English. Still dazzled i mumbled in the affirmative, and the troll turned out to be some Jesus freak trying to prosyletize me. The holy luck of the doll!

RENCONTRES
Super busy with projects lately. Not only am i working on lesson plans for the art students at Wiesensee, but also the Art Center Design School in Stuttgard and the Clubszene project with high school kids throughout Berlin at the Hebbel Theatre. Tim Blue had me over to his Neu Köln flat for some working lunches. Tim is an excellent cook, just one of his many manly talents that include music, writing, art, sexing, and filmmaking. He showed me a work-in-progress of a new flicker he shot while at the Zurich Airport and its beyond genius. After working with Tim on some heavy brain calistenics, i treated myself to a long walk and cruise through the Hasenheide Park. I checked out the gay cancer shelf scene, where the fugmo homeysexuals lay out in the sun, and bake their snakeskin handbags to perfection.
Ran into Christian, the German friend of wonderful Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts (Straight To Hell). At least I think his name is Christian. He was living in New York for years, but has just returned to the Fatherland, and is also pals with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. I'm excited that he will be bringing Mr. Miller to Berlin for a short term residency.
***
During the long bank holiday-there are so many religious celebrations in Deutchland. I think everything even closes on the day the Christ child first farted, and had a bowel movement. Suzi Su, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap cooked a scrumpdelio 16 course Spring Feast for all the Cheap Blacky cast and crew. The Vagimule Doll loves to eat. Food is more important to the woman then sex, though she likes combining the two. Before dinner at 8 on Sunday, the lady Ms. D took a ho stroll through Friedrichshein Park.
Lo and behold!--It was giant SUV stroller family day----Yikesis!!!!
I can never quite figure out the proper etiquette for park cruising. Wound up spending 90 minutes talking to a salty dog Frenchman, who has lived in Berlin for over 20 years. The poor man was probably very goodlooking 30 years ago, he still had a lean, hard muscular body, but was a bit too alcoholica for my taste, though it was nice having a hen party with him and chatting.
On the way to La Susanne's compound i ran into Kiki Di Monteparnesse, the sweet assistant to Bruce La Bruce producer Jurgen Bruning. He had just finished a grueling porn shoot, but as always was in good spirits, as we gabbed like two convent girls dishing and dissing. Its always a pleasure to see Madame Kiki.
At the dinner party, the entire gang was on hand, film historian hottie Marcu Siegel, coveted translator to the gods and Swedish Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, The Blue Bros.---Tim & KJohnny, that French wunderkind Christophe Chemin, Tan Bihn Nguyen, the best make-up artiste in all of Germany and quite the hysterical card of a cut-up, Dragony Yvonne Asler, the Serbian Prince Valiant, plus vivacious Anna Muelter, Assoff "Gisele" Hochman, and bubble butt bedroom eyed Turkish dreamcake Senol Senturk. Lots of laughter, dwinking and joyous frivolity ensued.
Christophe has a French producer friend who wants to finance a Cheap Blacky film, and Suzi wants to shoot it in a Hungarian villa---will keep you posted on those developments.
***
Rehearsed with KJohnny Blue at his new spacious Neu Köln flat. I am going to open up for the Kill Rock Stars recording artists The New Bloods on Thursday May 22nd at the Club West Germany on Skalitzer Str 133 doors open at 9pm and i go on at 10pm. After rehearsing i had dinner at the Kofte Imbiss with KJohn, cruised the Hasenheide to see if there was any action going on, there wasn't, but saw a bunch of cute, young, booty pie Turkish and Arab boys in their uniform of white pants and bucks hanging out with family and friends being young and enjoying the park on a nice warm Spring day. I like Hasenheide, but the icky African and Caribbean drug dealers need to learn how to sell illicit narcotics better, their two bit operations are so irritating.
And i can also do without the white trendy German kids with dreadlocks and their drum circles. If you cannot keep a basic beat, you have no bizness with a percussive instrument. Walked through Kreuzeberg, stopped off at one of the Spring street festivals and oogled some gingers and blondines, walked through the Tiergarten via Potsdammer Platz and did some ho strolling through the gay cruizing area, as the sun was setting. Nothing to write home to Grand Mama, so i just sat and moon bathed on a park bench contemplating life as pesky mosquitos sucked me dry of my globulins. Then some tiny little Spaniard approached me. He was five feet nothing, with the saddest blue eyes i've ever seen. Clearly damaged, but there was a sweetness to him, we chatted briefly, and he looked longingly at me. For some reason i decided to invite him to my Cheese Endique Trifecta flat for a shag. We rode the autobus back to my apartment in spririted chat mode, and once in my lair he commensed to service the doll in a luxurious manner, just what i was in the mood for. I never asked his name, but he belongs to a wrestling club, so surprisingly he had very muscular legs, thighs and buttocks. The guy was only 28, but with his thinning hair, looked around 35. He had one of the tiniest erect penises i have ever seen, it was beyond cashew, and more like a sunflower seed. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. He works as a tour guide for Spanish touristas, and was quite the nice little fellow.

ENTRETIEN CROISE'
Went to a sumpteous dinner party hosted by hunky teen writing sensation Travis Jeppeson and his gorgeous 14 year old Slovakian beau, Mario Dzurila who can cook like nobodies bizness. The emancipated minors live in the Moabit section of Berlin in a huge compound that has a great view of the Tiergarden. Travis not only writes sharp profiles for international magazines like Zoo, but is a well regarded poet and novelist, and publishes other young writers on his own Blatt books imprint, with offices in Berlin, Prague and New York. Their latest tome being C(o)urt Interpretations by young, swivel hipped Slovenian writer Ales Muster. Mario designs all the Blatt book releases, and is one of the youngest, most sought after graphic designers in Europe with a unique style that is youthquakingly fresh and original.
The guest of honor at the din din was legendary writer and filmmaker Chris Kraus of Semiotext(e) fame. The lovely Ms. Kraus is in Berlin where she will be showing one of her films at a new gallery at Bulowstr tonight at 8pm, and on Saturday will read from new work at Pro Q M bookshop in Mitte. I've never met Chris before, even though we both lived in Los Angeles, and her offices were in the same medical building in MacArthur Park that housed my Cheese Endique Trifecta studio since 2002. I do believe i've come in contact with her former lover Sylvere Lotringer. I wish i could go see her in action, but i have to prepare for my art classes with students at the Wiesensee Art School and also at the University in Stüttgard.
As you can imagine this was one sophisticated soiree that also included film historian Marc Siegel, kollective Cheap's luscious lady leader Susanne Sachße, who had my New York intern Marc Arthur all schtar struck, Paris "It" boy Christophe Chemin who brought his delectable baby sister Lucile, editor of Text Zur Kunst Stefanie Kleefield with Berlin based artist Henning and Chinese movie star and pop singer Edison Chen, who came by earlier in the evening, but couldn't stay to eat as he already had a dinner engagement. Mr. Chen was recently embroiled in a shocking sex skandal, and has given up his illustrious career, and is in Berlin to cool his heels. I wouldnt haved picked Berlina to dry out---i'm sure he'll just wind up getting himself into more salacious trouble.

UND DAS IST EIN FISCHSTÄBCHEN?
O i forgot to mention that while i was in Krems, Austria Dr. Jennifer Doyle of UC Irvine and Dr. Dominic Johnson, of Queen Mary University in London, treated the doll to a nice, fancy luncheon in the old towne section of the city. The weather was perfect, and joining us was Ron Athey who filled me in on all the LA gossip of who was drop kicking whom. Daddy Athey is hardly in Los Ang, as he is always traveling someplace performing or lecturing. When he is in the southland he spends the majority of his time tucked away at the desert home of movie costume designer Susan Matheson aka: Crepe Suzette. Ron designed her landscaping, and since she is forever on location working, and isn't able to enjoy the house that use to belong to Zza Zza Gabor, Ron makes full use of its case study charms.
***
The famed French gay blue movie director Jean Daniel Cadinot died, aged 64. If it wasn't for Mr. Cadinot, modern porn companies like Bel Ami, which specializes in pristine eastern European male ingenues, wouldn't be so popular or financially successful. He definately paved the platinum path for them.
***
The lesbian rap duo Bunny Rabbit was performing in Zurich while i was there with Cheap Blacky. Some of the Cheapies got to check them out, but i was fighting a sore throat, so wisely decided to stay in my lovely little hotel room and nest in front of CNN. While at dinner earlier in the evening i was introduced to the strapping British motor bike racer James Toseland. What a fine specimen of manhoodliness he turned out to be. Yowza!
***
Had a late bruncheon with my New York intern Marc Arthur, who is in Berlin as an exchange student till August. Mark is a beautiful and very bright teenager with the prettiest eyes imaginable. We're going to have a lot of fun together this summer.
The next day i met with pretty Katja Maya, a smart and self-possessed art student who will be one of my kids in the class i am teaching at the Wiesensee Art school. She even designed a great poster for the seminar. We met at Bierhimmel in Kreuzeberg and chittle chatted for hours. We were interruped by a lonely unnattractive little man sitting next to us in the cafe. Its very strange indeed for a German to insert themselves into another parties conversation. I am always intrigued when someone breaks the usual protocols. We both talked to him for a while, I sensed that he was in dire need of human contact, and was one of those types that would probably wind up commiting suicide, so great was his desire to be noticed in an unforgiving world. However my compassion for him could only go so far as he was dull beyond belief.
We decided to have one more drink someplace else, and Katja took me to this new queer space in Neu Köln called Silver Future on Weser Str ran by her very personable friends Katta and Jan. What a nice and comfy atmosphere. The bar was intimate and appealing, and i liked it much better then Barbie Dienhoff which its constantly compared to. The place has only been open since September of last year and i encourage my Berlin blogina readers to check it out.

GESTÄHLTE ADONISSE IN SPRITZLAUNE
Second part of tour with Cheap Blacky, the Bruce LaBruce directed performance piece, and the weather is beyond major Miss gorgeous in Zurich Switzerland, the white collar crime capital of Europe. Our first performance is on May 1st. May Day. Never get booked on May Day unless you enjoy seeing protesters and police battling it out with rubber bullets, water canons and the like. Actually it was kind of exciting, and didnt affect people coming to the theater as we had a very full house, but i wouldnt recommend it.
Half of Cheap is staying in to the cute little Hotel Rothaus in the Redlight District- how appropriate. The hotel use to be a bordello. The rest of the group, plus lighting designer Hans, production coordinator, Anna Multer and set dressing expert Senol, are in a large apartment owned by the Theaterhaus Gessneralle where we will have a long run of the show. I am the only one who gets a room of their own, and my view is scrumpteous--- hookers, pimps and drug dealers. My favorite kind of people, and especially refreshing in a boutique city like Zurich, where everything is super expensive, even McDonalds. Luckily as a performer we get a 50% discount on our meals at the Theatre restaurant and the food and service is top notch. The director of the Theater Niels Ewerbeck is sweet and attentive, but theatre people in German language countries don´t realize that its considered a grievous faux pas not to treat their guests to at least one free meal and drinks, and since the theatre is generously funded by the city, and makes the majority of their $moula from the food and dwinks that should be a top priority for them. But other then that, i was very happy with this leg of our tourina, and it was also nice seeing Ms. Gunda Zeeb who use to work at the Hebbel Theatre in Berlin, and has always been a fervent Cheap supporter.
A nice sampling of celebs attended our premiera-Filmmaker Raphael Glucksman with his famous public intellectual father Andre´Glucksman, booty pie pop star Clueso who is all wrapped up in the house of the doll, but didnt even trying bagging her. Whats that about, eh? Jewelry designing rebel Shaun Leanes who was with the wonderful Messimo & Pierce of Black Sun Productions, who came to the piece twice, also on hand was hunky Swiss conceptual artist Urs Fischer, Katerina Clewinghaus the star of Bruce La Bruce´s Otto, Up With Dead People, buger boy Nicholai, one of our Cheap Gossip Studio interns who is from the French part of Switzerland, portraiturist Rosina Kuhn who had a retrospective of her early work on display in the city, queeny tyro art star Luka Beyerler and his beau, young, pretty and super smart art concubine Tom Dura, who also came to see the show twice, and some long on the tooth tranny chasing footballers Bastien Girod, Donat Grimm and Loca Tonis. Cheap Blacky Video and Stage designer Christophe Chemin gave me a glorious present, some heritage jewelry from his great grandmothers Fulco Santostefano Della Cerda, Duke of Verdura collezione. The queeny Italian Duke use to work with Coco Chanel, and his unique designs were a favorite of high society during the 1920s till late 40s. Christophe´s patrician great grandma was a famous writer, and early feminist. Christophe inherited her jewelry and loves giving his friends bits and pieces of it. He is soooo amazingly generous, besides being a major artistic talent, he can also give great back massages.
Loved watching TV in my hotel room. All the news stations are still aflutter about the fugly incest Daddy from Austria, who kept his daughter imprisoned in a dungeon for 24 years. I was just in Krems, Austria for the Donau festival, and to think i was only a few miles from the epicenter of this international scandal.
Will write a little more after i have properly recovered from the tour.