ASTHETIK DER INSTALLATION
The Ms. Davis summer reading recommendation is The Cairo Trilogy by Nobel Prize winner Naguib Mahfouz. Won't tell you any more about, just rush out and buy it! Had a lovely breakfast meeting with super hot tranny Wu from Los Angeles who is in Berlin starring in a remake of the Nazimova silent film Salome based on Oscar Wildes play. Directing the movie is Pauline of the Rhythm King. Wu brought me a gorgeous designer boquet of flowers and some tasty snacks, and we had a great time, a couple of juicy tranny's sitting around talking. Wu is one of the new breed of performative youngsters ruling LA, and revitalizing the stale nightlife. She puts on a weekly club at the old MacArthur Park dive The Silver Platter, which is fast becoming the talk of the town with performances by legends like Ron Athey and Nao Bustamente.
Later in the evening i met with Cheap fearless leader Susanne Sachsse, Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson and his handsome Italian beau Piero for drinks at the famous West Sector Theater tavern Diener. Holding court at the bar in true Konig style was Fassbinder legend Volker Spengler who is a regular ensemble member of playwrite and director Rene Pollesch. I can't wait to see Volker in the next Pollesch piece "Dictator's Wives" which will premiere at the Volksbuhne in September. The great Volker Spengler is a magical human being with michieveous, boyish eyes that are vibrant, magnetic and sexy. What a treasure he is. Everyone who comes to my flat singles out a fabulous photo of Volker and I, in LA from 1999 at my post screening White To Be Angry/Skin Flick party at the dive bar The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady. The night was filled with amazing celebrity in the sensuous, womanly form of Margarita Broich, another big German film and theatre star who is also the wife of famed actor Martin Wuttke who stars in the hit Deutsch TV program Tat Ort, which is a tuetonic version of the American CSI franchise. I also met the internationally known heritage band leader Max Raabe of the Palast Orchestra, and his dapper boyfriend. I have been a fan of Mr. Raabe for many years, so it was very special gettting to meet him in the fleshy flesh.

BABY THE RAIN MUST FALL
Its been pouring rain on and off in Berlin for the last three days. Riding my bike back and forth from German language class has been a little gnarly at times, but also beautiful seeing lovely boys soaking wet so that their clothing becomes transparent----yum. Learning German has been rough. My class is from 2-6pm Mon-Thur with a 30 minute break, and being the morning person that i am, trying to pay attention and retain anything is a trial. K-Johnny Blue is also in my class, and is the star pupil and teachers pet. The two instructors are middle aged gay lovers named Kay and Stefan, and they are very patient and sweet with me, though it must be difficult with such a bad student like myself.
My school is called Babylonia and is a punk rock style laid back language academy in Kreuzberg. There are a few good looking males in the class, a manlische Kurdish/Turk named Fahrad, who Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim would flip for, as he is tiny, muscular with a nice smile and bubblelicious Beyonce buttocks, and a young Australian boy named Reece who looks very intellectual and is soft spoken. There was this young, energetic, lanky Irish lad name Eric but his German was so good that he switched to the more intermediate class. Unfortunately not one man in the class looks like he has a dickus of deathos, so i doubt if i will be meeting my next contemporary temporary husband.
Last night the great Susanne Sachße had one of her stylish dinner parties at her eastside compound. To be invited to the famous oval table of Ms. Sachße is one of Berlin´s most royal treats. Enjoying the feast of Ranchipur was superstar DJ and top Euro performer Snax,who also performs in Peaches´band, infant terrible Travis Jeppeson with Slovakian lover Mario, juicy Anna Muelter, Daniel Hendrickson, Marc Siegel, Susanne´s gorgeous 13 year old twins Salome and Richard, and Richards little cute school boyfriend Jacob, who is going to turn into quite a hunkasaurus when he gets older. I had a breakfast meeting, so i left the soiree early and didnt get a chance to meet Miss Suzi´s new secret lover, the famous footballer Michael Ballack. But i did get a chance to watch with everyone the 1972 film The Baby starring noir actress Ruth Roman and Anjanette Comer. Snax had a copy of this insane film, and you can rest assured that the next production of Cheap will be Cheap Baby based on this cult film with Christophe de Rohan Chabot in the role of the adult baby, Susanne Sachße as the kinky social worker and yours truly as the overprotective mother. I´m so excited about this that we may put on hold doing Cheap Summer, our version of Tennessee Williams Suddenly Last Summer with Susanne playing once again Liz Taylor, mainstream German actor Moritz Bleaubtreau in the Monty Cliff role and Ms. Davis as Katherine Hepburn. We´ll see what happens.
The other evening i had a wonderous time with Lydia Hamann, one of my Weißensee students who also worked with me on the Arrogance of Youth project. We had dinner at a quaint little tapas bar, and dainties at Gemelli´s. Lydia is smart, sexy and uninhibited and one of my favorite Berlin girls. She really knows how to make this city come alive.

SIE WERDEN IMMER GRÖßER
Claudia Gonson, the sweet and perky female husband of Stephin Merritt emailed me that the Magnetic Fields were in Berlin performing at the Passion Church in Kreuzberg. Of course i was there in a New York second with my youthful companion, the lovesexy tuetonic actor David Kross, who just made a film where he plays the love interest of Kate Winslet. Its a nice feeling to be the object of affection from a beautiful boy. Of course nothing can come of it, as he is such a puppy.
So lovely seeing Claudia and Stephin. Claudia was in good voice, and i always enjoy the banter between her and Mr. Merritt, and seeing them in this place of worship just made the whole proceedings extra special and sublime. The Magnetic Fields summer Euro tour will probably come to your town soon, so check their website at www.Houseoftomorrow.com and also go out immediately and buy their new album Distortion that is in bright pink dayglo packaging. One of the added pleasures of this particular tour is that long time collaborator Shirley Simms is with them, and believe you me, this is quite a treat as her voice is prominent in 69 Love songs, the bands opus. In fact you should rush out and purchase all the Stephin Merritt projects which include Future Bible Heroes, The 6ths and The Gothic Archies.
The eye candy of the band is pie faced Asian beauty boy John Woo on guitar and lean& lanky Sam Davol, the on cello, who has the most gorgeous mass of pre-mature grey hair i have ever seen, this side of a young Richard Gere. Both boys have cocks i´d sure like to chugg down on, and receive a mouthful of super yummy excess semen. I don´t know the marital status of Mr. Woo, but Mr. Davol is spoken for with two small children and a petite patrician blondine wife, and he lives in Boston. How do i know all this? Well there was an article about the Davol´s in the New York Times last year that was reprinted in the Hearst International Paper,The Herald Tribune.

YOU´RE SO HAYLEY MILLS
Still suffering a bit from the flying patootis, but managed to go to the premiera of Das Doppelte Lottchen at The Parkauer. Thank god openings at childrens theatre´s are in the morning. Das Doppelte Lottchen was written by Erich Kästner, and is the original story where the 1960 Disney film The Parent Trap comes from.
Cheap´s fearless leader Susanne Sachße stars in the Maureen O´Hara role of the glam mother, and of course her stage presence shines supreme. You want to see more of her whenever she is in front of the footlights. I was howling from laughter with her Shirley Temple homage during a fantasy dream sequence. My Max und Moritz colleguen Elizabeth Heckel and Katrin Heinrich also shine, and Moritz Müller did a fantastic job with the set design, but i felt his cotumes except for Susanne´s left a little to be desired, though i liked the Oscar Levant style tails for Hagen Löwe in the Brian Keith role.
The director Milan Peschel, is a Voksbühne actor, and it shows with all the unecessary screaming action. I guess that is a characteristic of mainstream German plays that i just don´t understand. I would also cut the length by a good 45 minutes, as both kids and adults seemed more then a bit restless by sitting in very uncomfortable seats for 2 1/2 hours.

THE FLYING PATOOTIS
After having a glorious time as the MC for the Gossip show at Columbia Halle, i rode my bike home and started excrementing. I got a similar stomach virus after the Berlinale, that included not only projectile shitting but vomitting as well. Thank god, i didnt throw up this time, and the muscle spasms and cramping didn´t last for a 24 hour period leaving me racked in excruciating pain. Missed German language class yesterday, and a chance to hang out with Tara aka Annie Oaklely (the manager of the Gossip, creator of Sex Workers Art Show) , and the beautiful Ms. Beth Ditto and gang who had one day off in Berlina.
There is no band out there who is doing what the Gossip are doing. Ms. Ditto is a presence to reckon with, powerful and sublime and sexy as all get go. The sold out crowd was enthusiastic and giving the goddess the proper worship she deserves. And there arent enough superlatives to describe Beth Ditto. She shows all the other so called singers how it is supposed to be done, as she drips with southern charm, a smoldering kitten with a whip. Alice Bag, of the legendary punk rock band The Bags and my colleguen in Cholita, the female Menudo was the first person to turn me on to Beth Ditto and the Gossip. Alice never praises other singers, but with Ms. Ditto she was raving!
When i was writing for the LA Weekly i tried to get my editor to let me interview her, but he passed on it----which i am sure he regrets now.
It was so great catching up with Ms. Tara who also produced Homo-A-GoGo, which was the last time i was on the same bill with the Gossip. I also loved hanging with their seasoned road crew, and the caterers cooked a meal that was downright yummy, or as they say in Deutsch "lecher". hope i spelled that right. The opening band of teenagers Pencil Dick, i mean Pencil Toes from London England were cute and juicy putting in a fast paced and wirey enthusiastic set. Its 90 degrees today in Berlin, and i am still feeling a bit sick, so this report will end now.

FAMISHED FOR THE LIGHT ONES
Had a glorious dinner date with adorable and cute Christian F, who was this year´s Berlinale intern and also was one of my talented assistants with the Clubszene project. Christian is 27 years old, but looks 16 and has a gay twin brother. He is originally from Bavaria and has only been living in Berlin for a year working on a Phd on the films of Gus Van Sant.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant around the corner from my punque rock language school Babylonia.
Later we went down the block to have dainties at this charming cafe called Gemelli´s where we ran into Joana, one of my Weißensee students and drag king artiste Antonia Beard. Christian lives on Soauer Str in a lovely little flat that overlooks an enchanted garden.
2nite after class i have to rush to Columbia Halle where i will be the MC for the Gossip show starring the incredible Beth Dito. Her manager is Annie Oakley of the Sex Workers Tour fame. I haven´t seen Ms. Oakley since i performed at the Homo-A-GoGo that she organized in 2006. Should be a fun evening.

VANITY FAITH PAVILIONS
Filmed little Marc Art Garfunkle´s project on Saturday. I play Morpheus with Christophe de Rohan Chabot as my beautiful dreamy, innocent dance partner, where i get to Martha my very own Graham crackers in a terpischorean battle beyond death. A talented French man named Fred, who needs to cut those dreadlocks he wears off, played the most sublime music live, and the set and make-up design was by personable Greek passive Nicolas Zavaliaris, who just moved to Berlin from swinging London town.
Later i met up with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, and we went to the so-called alternative Christopher Street Gay in Kreuzberg on OranianbergerStr. What a dull affair. Was going to meet up again with writer Travis Jeppeson and his boy pussy posse, but i was exhausted from filming earlier, and Friday i got to catch up with young Mr. Jeppeson, who at 16 is one of the most talented and prolific children on the planet with writings in all forms that include novels, poetry, journals and journalism, plus he has a giant white penis that is much coveted by men on three continents. His list of older male admirers is endless.
Sunday i decided i had to treat myself to a massage, the triple assault of the Klubszene Project, Filming an Independent movie, and Deutsch Language class has caused a stiffness in my joints that needed a professionals soothing, healing touch. I recruited young Marc Arthur as my companion, and we ventured to the Treibhause Sauna & Spa for relaxation treatments. Poor Marc was pounced on immediately upon entering, with every chicken hawk in the place developing octopussy hands the minute his 22 year old self hit the marble floor. I found it hilarious when a nutty couple were desperately trying to fashion a hot sex scene by acting out shamelessly, fornicating in an open space. The skinny pretend top kept thumping into his lover with gutteral moans and jackhammer plowing. Too bad when he´d pull out his penis it was hardly colossal measuring clit length skinny and under 3 puny inches. What he was hoping for was that he´d excite some passing manheimer who would climb on board and turn him into lucky Pierre, but the crowde at this sex palace are seasoned sluts, who are aware of all the queeny tricks a hungry sloppy bottom may pull in their search for the prized cruel club.
I was really hating a barrel chested couple who were in extreme search and destroy mode for a hot buttered fourgy, later in the evening they actually got their gnut with two dickticusses. Even in a gay sauna the football madness reared its three headed gydra. Germany lost to Spain, but it didnt stop the fans from whooping it up until the wee hours. I am happy that the Euro cup is over, and things can return to some sense of whoremalcy.

THE PARK AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS
Hunky lovesexy Russian artist Slava Mogutin sent me a copy of his latest photography tome New York GoGo, his sophemore effort after the tremendously successful Lost Boys. That Slava can do no wrong, and these photo essays are majestic in their capturing of detailic moments in the prostitutic melanoma of Manhattan boygesse. Bruce Benderson´s forward sets the tone in giving some background on Mr. Mogutin, and his importance on the cultural zeitgeist. One particular series in the book features a Nubian Peter Berlin, stockinged phallus flops from painted on daisy dukes, but its the entire composition that ignites, not just the subject´s splendor but even the floor in which he stands, this is where Slava shines as a Nadarlike portraiturist. A few pages before i gasped at the Rican minx wearing a prince of the homosexuals crown--- part diadem, part thorns, and all equal to Ruskian granada.

ZICKIG
Was listening to NPR/Berlin´s Talk of the Nation, and you´ll never guess who was on the program? O i´ll just tell you. Evan Wright was on the show plugging the new HBO mini-series Generation Kill, that is based on his book of the same name. Evan is quite a hustler and grifter, and i guess he has grifted the big time now, as he has handled the adaptation duties of his book to the small pay TV screen. The material for this all started as a series of articles for Rolling Stone Magazine. Let me explain my connection to Evan Wright. Evan use to be married to Crepe Suzette aka: Susan Mathelson a big Hollywood costume designer for feature films, who has also performed with me in several of my Euro traveling pieces. Besides designing some fabulous gowns for this giant doll, Susan also use to work for Mattel designing for the ultimate toy, namely Barbie.
One thing i bet won´t make it to television is Evan´s homosexual experiences with the Marines he spent time with in Iraq. Not only did he participate in some juicy whorgies with the young cute boys, but several times they pulled a train on him. Evan is quite a horndog, and although he prefers women, he is no stranger to ribald mansex.

THE MAD MISS MANTON
The Festival Der Jugendclubs an Berliner Bühnen is now over, and the piece i created with Tim Blue of Cheap called The Arrogance of Youth was a sterling success. I was very proud of my beautiful youth groups who focused all their energies in creating a sublime work that had a lot of Fluxus style and appeal. Imagine my surprise early Sunday morning when i get a phone call from Sean Carrillo the husband of Bibbe Hansen, the youngest of the Warhol superstars, mother of pop star Beck. and daughter of famed Fluxus artist Al Hansen, that they are in Berlin and are coming to my event. Bibbe said the piece was "dangerous", and there could be no better compliment then that. Also in the audience was Amelie Mallman, one of the Parkauer dramaturgy´s, Senol Senturk and Angie Baby who worked on Cheap Blacky, film historian Marc Siegel with ladylove Susanne Sachße, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, artist Monika Kramp, therapist to the Berlin stars Sabina Bauer and actor Jurgen Vogel, who is extremely handsome but has really bad teeth.
I want to thank all the wonderful assistants on the project starting with Lydia Hamann, Christian F., Kjohnny Blue, and Michel Le Grande. The HAU production staff of Mayka Hamsen, Maria Kusche, Leonie Kusterer, Khaled Sulima, Kahina Toutaqui and Pia Engel and the Stage Staff who made the piece shine like a perfect jewel: Jorg Fischer, Piotr Rybkowski, Veit Gries and his amazing lighting with assist by Ingo Ruggenthaler and sound by Matthias Kirschke.
Oh and lets not forget the future superstars of tomorrow, from the Deutsches Theater: Alexander Bahr, Maik Holfert, Lisa Hrdina, Marie Jordan, Nele Suhler, Paula Thielecke, Gaia Vogel, Antoine Brison, who is already a working actor on a German soap, Klemons Hegen, Marie Therese Fischer, Laura Pfisterer.
From the Schaubühne: Amadeus Fechner, Grete Gehrke, sweet gentle giant Simon Karmoll, Jennifer Lambrecht, hilarious Fabian Linß, hunky and super manlische David Pakzad, Astrid Pendarvis, and Janine Quaegwer
From Grips Theatre: Bastian Benrath, Daniel Goebel, Roxana Karow, Chris Lee Curtis Abiola, Vanessa Einbrodt, Josephine Krause, Miriam Ritter and Johanna Wolff
From Theater Strahl: Cheyenne Schlüter, Jolene Leitlauf, Katherina Heisig, Kelly Schlüter, Luisa Seikel, Mara Niese, Marie Hamayel-Peters, MIchelle Biallowons, Sophia Wohlfahrt, Thea von Wedel, Viviann Wilmot
From Parkaue: Marius Ahrendt, Julia Goldhahn, Karola Hakel, Moira Joachim, Sophie Kalweit, Paul Krüger, Alexandra Kunde, Sophia Lebedewa, Deborah Levy, Sophie Mangelsen, Johanna Pahl, Linn Reusse, Nathalie Schwichtenberg
From Veganten Bühne: Angela Bittel, Anja Fahlenkamp, Alex Finger, Katherina Finger, Torsten Flassig, Lea Lochau, Tim Mehlis, Lara Mercier, Vangeli Sargantzoglou, Paula Tebbens
Theatre im Palais and Fight Club from HAU the first group that Tim and i met who we bonded with. Fight Club closed the festival on Saturday with a gorgeous performative presentation and i want to send special kisses to Sercan Aydilek, Clea Funke, Domi Grillenberger, Ella Schmidt, mina Stöhr, Ayse Gül Var, Elvin Aliev, Antonio Ciervo, Jenny Pantzke, Pia Epping, Rosalie Phoniam
I would like to take a long vacation to recover from the project, but i can´t because i am taking German language classes every day for the next six weeks. Yesterday was the first day, and it is so hard. The classes are from 2pm-5:30 and since i am a morning person, its very difficult to stay alert in the late afternoon. Kjohnny Blue is also in my class, which is nice, and all the people seem very sweet.

FEDERLINE MOMENTA
Met with cute little red scarf boy Michel, who is going to assist Tim Blue and i for the Klubszene project at Hebbel on Saturday and Sunday. Later i met with Tara, who use to do my make-up whenever i performed in Chicago. We haven´t seen each other in a coon´s age, so it was nice to catch up with her and meet her silver Fox beau who is a successful real estate tycoon. We had drinks and snacks in the bar of the Ritz Carleton Hotel in Potsdamer Platz--- very snazzy. When i was leaving i ran into Hollywood film star and on the downlow homo, Will Smith who is in Berlin for the opening of some horrible new movie of his. I wonder if he brought his lesbiana wife Jada Pinkett? Probably not as he probably will turn his suite into a bordello filled with luscious young bubble butt Tuetonic blondine boys. Hurray for him!
On the S-Bahn it was hard to escape from the football hysterics raging through the city. Ran into the Ramani Twins from Super Seven Hundred, their Albanian father and the handsome German/American beau of one of the girls. They recommended i check out a Deutch singer named Ton Steine Scherben.
The next morning i met with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim and his boyfriend Piero. Daniel helped me choose a Deutch language school, and later i signed up for my courses which i am excited about. I´ve been coming to Germany for a quarter of a century, and have never learned the language, even though i have a German father who is of the nobility class. Perhaps by the time the Arsenal Experimental/Forum Expanded Sunscreens Festival of experimental film and video hits Berlin i will be sprouting out witty bon mits in perferct Hanover style Deutsch.

BESSER ESSEN SCHÖNER LEBEN
Tim Blue and i had a long day filled with excitement as we hit the pavement literally walking all over Berlin to see some more youth groups in their natural habitats. At the Schaubühne Theatre we met with gorgeous and spirited Uta and her group Die Zwiefachen who were in the middle of intense rehearsals for their piece Weg, that will travel to Liverpool England soon. What they are developing is personal stories of healing and redemption, where graceful and powerful physical movement and sound work as an interlinker for utopian possibilities. Beauty, Beauty, Beauty is all i can say as i was swept up in all the exhuberance and lovesexy emoting. As we were leaving and walking down the K-Damn a lightening and thunderstorm gave us a nice baptismal cleansing, which felt prophetic.
We walked through the Tiergarten to Mitte and stopped at a lovely Argentine Cafe for much needed nourishment. At the Deutschestheater we saw the Junges DT production of Gepäack Ohne Aufsicht which knocked us out with its sensory overload and zest. Their highly original and stylized take on all forms of terrorism and plunder was fast paced and ambitious, with dazzling imagery and evocative moods that would put adult thespians to shame. My favorite scenes involved a pitch tent of girls, that morph into the witches of MacBeth so effortlessly to chilling result, and a short vignette where one boy is told to repeat his action but make it more sexy, which he does in a coo-ing sex kitten and titty show histrionic that was very more is more.
Its really exhilerating to find young people who are committing themselves to daring forms of expression and are willing to take the risk to escape the clutches of middleclassicism. Perhaps there is hope for the future, and Tim Blue and i are sure looking forward to working with such a diverse group of talented Berliners.

SWIRLING CONTANNA
Tan Bihn Nyguyen the amazing Vietnemese make-up artist for Cheap Blacky was actually surprised at his surprise birthday shindig the other evening in Neu Köln. Leaving the soiree i had to look at fugly football crusties on the S-Bahn. Sure will be glad when all this Euro-cup hoopla is over with. All the nationalism surrounding the love of soccer is more then a little scary in fascist prone Europa with all the zealots walking around wearing flags and what not.
Friday i attended Nicholas Weist´s art show The Dulcet Clime of the Bedchamber at Goff Rosenthal Gallery in Mitte. My companion was the delightful Marc Arthur, who i absolutely adore hanging out with. Its so nice being around smart young people, who also have large penises and tight bodies. Lots of luminaries like experimental film legendina Birgit Hein were in attendance as well as Otto stars Susanne Sachße and Christophe Chemin, artist Christian Siekmeier, my blondine Weißensee student Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Arsenal intern Christian F., Marcu Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson and of course a host of art fags. Why is it that these Berlin faggots all seem like the only sex they have is rubbing their butts together hoping that the friction will cause some sort of spontaneous orgasmic combustion.
I usually never attend these kind of events, but this show was so well curated by Mr. Weist, and featured such a delicious roster of international artists like Nayland Blake, that i couldnt resist. I really like the Basso Menstruel Tree in the courtyard, and William E. Jones´mash-up of blue movies from the late 60´s to mid 80s---William Higgens forever! I don´t remember the name of the artist who created the sculpture of pink books and magazines, but that really sleighed me as well.
As part of the Klubszene project that Tim Blue and i are working on we saw a production by the youth theatre group Banda Agita at the Grips Theatre that is adjacent to the Schiller Teatre in the old west sector. The piece was called Letzter Aufruf Paradise, and was set in a cyber future filled with scavengers desperate for everything. Basically it was a preview of the future of planet earth. It was wonderful to be surrounded by such youthful energy and sexy abandon on stage. I really felt like i was watching some future stars about to explode. I especially loved a ginger headed boy who reminded me of Fassbinder, a statuesque girl with a lip ring who played the personification of pure evil, and a dred locked mulatto boy who was both masculine and feminine at the same time. One of the boys in the piece, a spectacularly gorgeous Turkish boy had been a member of the company last year, and begged to be in the piece doing a cameo. I can´t wait to work with all them next week when we mount our performance piece "The Arrogance of Youth" which will feature 150 kids from these groups from all over Berlin. It should be the ultimate solstice hoot.

FOOTBALL OVERBITE
Berlin is in the midst of mass hysteria. I didnt exactly know what was going on until i ran into Daniel Hendrickson´s boyfriend Piero on the street, who told me that there is some soccer championship game that Germany won against Poland which mitigated some old WW II scars and testosty fueled homo panic set in.
The sight of the clamoring whordes filling restaurants and cafes parked in front of flat screen TV´s is just too sick to be believed.
I hate sports, but i wouldn´t mind bagging me a football player or two.
***
Met lovely Nick Weist, the visiting young New York artist who is curating a show that opens this Friday at the Goff´s Rosenthal Gallery. We hung out at Silver Future dwinking and stinking with his sexy French pal Guillaume, who is also good friends with Bob Nickas who was in Berlin in January. The Future was jam packed with Drag Kings and Queens. The weekend was part of a major drag festival. Who knew?
Some fans who saw my shows at Peres Projects and at the West Germany Club came up to me to introduce themselves, and Kjohnny Blue, who lives around the corner also popped in for a brewski. The next evening was Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal. Seen watching Mabel Normand, the great Marie Dressler and Charlie Chaplin in Tillie´s Punctured Romance was Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, the sweet and pretty directrix of the Friends of the Deutsch Cinema, bubble butt hottie Nanna Heidenreich with juicy gal pal Angie, matinee idol Uli with his perky Polish girlfriend, visiting New York art royal Nick Weist with Funny Games star Brady Corbet,British performance darling Keira O´Reilly looking ravishing, experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, boy about town, Marc Arthur, red scarf fetish cutee Michel Pee Pee, and German artist Christian Siekmeier with his American ginger lover. Was starved after all the festivities so had a late supper at an Indian restaurant in Kreuzeberg and drinks at Barbie Dienhoff, where the great Alessio was the mistress behind the bar.
The next day i guest starred with the Kitchens, Tim Blue´s live music and film projection band for the closing night installation of the HAU´s Apartments of Neu Köln Project. Had a great time playing experimental music with Tim, his brother Kjohnny and upstairs neighbor Baaker. Tim´s other neighbor Monika also engaged me in some solemn woman-to-woman talk about relationships at her beautiful atelier. Let it be known that the doll is ready to take any and all advice to her tender trap heart.

LIEBE ZUSCHAUER UND MITWIRKENDE
Forgot to mention that sweet little Marco, the Italian beau of French superstud Maxime Cervulle was in town with his hot dyke ladyfriend Mariela and they came to see me perform at the West Germany Club with The New Bloods as well as my Happening at the Halla.
I thought i was going to Paris to DJ at the Porn Film Festival, but stupid Hustler Magazine withdrew their grant to the festival, and that was going to take care of my accomodations, travel and honorarium. Oh welp, i was just in Paris awhile back. Hopefully someone will bring me their again in the fall, which is much better then a summer trip.
On July 1st Beth Ditto and the Gossip come through Berlin and i am supposed to be the MC at their show at Columbia Halle next to Flughafen Templehoff, the Nazi Airport.
Last night i was the date of Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim for the X Wohnungen Project that spotlighted, performances, installations and films screenings at different apartments in the neighborhood of Neu Köln. The route we took started at a bordello, which they should have made part of the process, having an artist dress it up or something . . . that was a curatorial miss step in my opinion. The first apartment on our itinerary was art directed, and featured a performance by my Cheap Blacky co-star Christophe Chemin working the alchemy that only he is known for. Next was a brilliant new film and live music presentation by Tim Blue, assisted by his brother KJohnny Blue, that was completely sublime.
On Sanderstr 10 was a hetero kitch piece that featured the German fascination with kareoke. I did enjoy singing the Pet Shop Boys remake of The Village People´s Go West, but was a bit put off by the lazyness of turning the audience into the performance.
On Pflügerstraße 64 a man sang a dull song accompanied by TV newsfootage.
At Friedelstrasse 61,the Turkish artist Nurkan Erpulat created pure ecstacy with her witty tableaux vivant through a key hole, likewise at Weserstrasse 212 the home of gifted Troy Lopez, the chef to the Berlin stars along with playful and robust soundscape artist Eric D. Clark getting cunty suprema with a delightful original disco medly along with la Lopez´Jamaica style fisting crepes----voila!!! So much of art today lacks generosity, so the combination of Clark and Lopez fueling art for the senses was a much needed treat.
At Weichelstrasse 8a, the gorgeous Ideal Passage Apt Complex beckoned. Too bad the blondine assistant was such an icky little sourpuss, who really wasn´t featuring me the minute he laid eyes on la doll. He was a cute kid with a nice tight ass, but he really deserved to get beaten up. Thankfully the William Tell like host was personable and attractive.
At Sonnenallee 65 Daniela and i weren´t up to playing the Kirsten Pieroth knock knock game, but it was nice being read a Ted Hughes like poem by Carl Holmquist even though the party surroundings was a major irritant---- there wasn´t one cute boy at the affected soiree that i would have liked to snog, let alone chit chat with. We did have a good time at the opening party at the WAU Cafe. It was great to see and hang with Peaches whose X Wohnungen performance installation was the talk of the evening, i wish it was on my route. I would have also loved to see the Walter Gropius project haus and the activity that was part of that action. Oh welpsis at least i got some sugar from delicious Anna Muelter, Christian F, Suzi Su and a host of other familiar and loving faces that kept coming out of the wood and pantyworks. Too bad my knock knees kept me from dancing to Sheila Chipper of Elastica fames spunky party mix.

ICH VERSUCHE; MICH VON SCHLECHTEM FERNZULHALTEN
So sorry its taken me forever to post something, but the combination heavy duty schedule of performances, events and teaching assignments with the heat wave has left me war torn and battered. I will begin by saying that i had a lovely time in Stuttgard teaching at the Merz Akademie a performance art workshop for a week that culminated in a short performance with my students. Shout outs to a gifted gang of young people: Jasmin Bauer, Elisabeth Dreher, Isabel Kast, Steffen Kottner, Kristin Pfeuffer, Daniel Schenk, Carola Hähnel, Ann-Lena Carl, Christian Goldemann, Christian Greiner, Hanno Heilbronner, Isabel Pettinatio, Julia Weiß, Steven Ziegler and Erik Sturm. They wowed their colleguens with a spirited akshunist, fluxus style happening called "Modangela" that was a major hoot. The Merz Akademie is housed in a former insane assylum, the perfect place for Vaginal Davis to teach. Stuttgard may seem provincial and extremely clean and middle class, but remember its where the RAF came from. The dean of the school treated all the guest teachers to a super exotic Afrikan dinner at the restaurant Ambiente, where we had our choice of entres that included Zebra, Ostrich, Antelope or Crocodile.
Got to meet my fellow art teachers that included Stefan Pren and Stefan Eckel of b books kollective, along with Dutch beauty Harmine Louwe', Stephan Geene, Nicola Ritter, Ekkehard Ehlers, Gijs Gieskes and Jana Frank.
At dinner i met sexy, radikal art provacateur Oliver Voss, a juicy manicre, who i wouldnt mind jumping on his said proverbial love bone. Also drank in to the wee hours with Peter Ott, the Hamburg documentary filmmaker, theorist Helmut Draxler, Russian computer art designer Olia Lialina, filmmaker Christina Lang, design theorist Dr. Yvonne P. Doderer and Christoph Dreher, the cineaste and cameraman who use to be in the punk band Diehaut.
Before Stuttgard, i taught for a week at the art school Weißensee, then presented a piece "You'll Know What To Do" with the students in what writer Travis Jeppeson called an avante gard boot camp, at the Raumerweiterungshalle a DDR style container in Neu Köln, where some of the students work as part of a very sophisticated art kollective producing an interesting body of events that you should check out. After performing to a SRO crowd we all joined forces for some fried chicken at AReis, the Lebenese chicken shack on Sonnenalle, then more dwinking and stinking at Silver Future. I am sure you will be hearing a lot more from Annette Knol, Lydia Hamann, Christophe de Rohan Chabot, Anne Duk, Jenny Cash, Joana Coppi, Katja and Anna. They are definately all artists that the international scene will benefit from.
O and i also performed with Kjohnny Blue of Cheap opening for the Portland Oregan band signed to the Kill Rock Stars label, The New Bloods, along with Humousexual at West Germany in Kreutzeberg. I usually don't perform at rock clubs, but this was something special organized by the promoters Le Mustache, at a odd little club in an office building that reminded me of the early days of the Masque for some reason, though it didnt look like the Masque, but more like a shower in a gay bathhouse. Everyone at West Berlin including its owner and intern were sweet and accomodating. Earlier in the evening the cute British/German gay couple who head Humousexual hosted a vegan dinner, that was scrumpteous. So nice connecting with the black sister women of The New Bloods, who have such an original sound that includes a violin along with guitar and drums. I love how when they are on stage they completely ignore the audience and engage in private conversation. I had to buy their LP on vinyl no less, which will be added to my playlist when i DJ. Wanted a T-shirt, but they were all sold out.
For the May version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars we screened The Perils of Pauline starring Pearl White, with music accompanyment by the Blue Bros, Tim and KJohnny who out did themselves this year with what looked like a floor scattered with 100 different musical instruments of unknown origins. In the audience was the Cheapies: Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson, and fearless leader Susanne Sachße, handsome Uli with Guillame, Marc Arthur, Travis Jeppeson with beau Mario, and a young German underwear model knows as the concubine of Terence Koh, Christophe Chemin, Anna Muelter, Christian F., Nanna Heidenreich, Katja and Christophe de Rohan of my Weißensee class, Arsenal director Stefanie Schulte Strathaus making a glorious and humorous introduction to the proceedings which began with lots of wine liberally flowing amongst the audience. Seen having a good old girlish time, German film legend Birgit Hein with important cultural figure Dorothee Wenner of the Berlinale Talent campus. Later we all ventured to Kreuzeberg for the annual birthday bash of Angie Baby and bedroom eyed Turkish lothario Senol Senturk made extra special by Arsenal Empress Stefanie, screening a rare experimental film starring Marilyn Monroe in dishabille. No she didnt show the recently discovered blue movie where Ms. Monroe is performing fellatio on the large genitals of John F. Kennedy.
***
The last three days were devoted to the final performances of Cheap's production of Max und Moritz at the Parkaur. It was sad to say goodbye to a piece so filled with joy, and an excellent cast with a delightful musical score provided by Tim Blue. I play a sexy, permiscuous Witwe Bolte, who causes havoc with her all-dancing,all-singing, well trained chickens---poot, poot, poot. The heads of the childrens theatre will probably regret cancelling this production, which attracted the Bundespresident for a command performance at Schloss Castle Belleview. If they had only known how to properly promote the piece, they could have had a crossover hit, that not only appealed to children but adults. But state sponsored theatres rarely show such a visionary tract. Too bad.
***
This Saturday is the June version of Rising Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal at the Sony Center in Potsdamer Platz, 9:30 pm at the intimate Theatre 2. We will screen comedy great Mabel Normand in Tillie's Punctured Romance also starring the great Marie Dressler and a pre-fame Charlie Chaplain. The wonderful Eunice Martin will accompany the film on piano, and after the screening a free wine reception in the Rote Foyer.

SOMMERSEMESTER IN STUTTGARD

Sorry i haven´t written anything in such a long time, but i have been extremely busy the past few weeks, first with my teaching a performance art workshop with the art students at Weißensee, and now at the Merz Academie in Southern Germany.  Arrived yesterday, and the city is quite lovely, and picturesque with lots of rolling hills, and very clean, with very few drucken crusties.  They have put me up at the International Student Hotel, which is delightful, with a friendly and accomodating staff.  The Merz Academie is small, and the students are sweet, with warm, smiling faces.  My class is mainly girls, all pretty, perky and energetic, with 5 handsome boys, in all 15 young people who  seem very committed, focused and ready to get down and work.  On the first day we  even came up with a theme, and name for the project which we will present on Friday at 1:30.  Won´t tell you anything more then that right now.

The weather here is boiling hot, so i´m a little veklempt.  Would love to give you details about the workshops with the Weißensee students and also our Happening, my show with The New Bloods from Portland Oregon and the latest Rising Stars, Falling stars, but you´ll just have to wait------sorry. Believe me,  I am not  trying to be all mysterious and shit, i just had a long day, and i need to get something to eat and even though its only around 5pm i want to go to bed.   

EXPRESSIVE SCHMUCK KREATIONEN
Tim Blue and I met with the youth group at the Stahl Theatre called Straight to Stage. The kids were much younger then Fight Club at The Hebbel. This group were between the ages of 10-15, and were very, cute, focused and determined. Their peppy facilitator Karen, and her assistants had them on a very tight schedule. They are working on a project called Julia & Julia, a girl/girl love story that also encompasses class conflict. We watched them work for a few hours, and also had a delicious lunch with them, and the Intendant of the theatre, a man named Wolfgang who is a big Nick Cave fan from the Birthday Party days in Berlin in the early 1980s. The girls seemed to really get into filling out our Slam Book, and were doing it in a very creative fashion.
Later that afternoon i finally got my bike fixed at this shop where the repairman was really sweet and jovial----I think he was a dinge queen.
My bike has been broken since November, and with this warm weather i had to splurge and get it up and running. In the early evening i rode to the Herbert Tobias exhibit at the Berlinishe Museum in this wierd area that is between Mitte and Kreuzberg. Tobias is a legendary German faggot art and fashion photographer famous from the 50s till his death in the early 80s. He is responsible for giving Nico her name, after one of his lovers, the Greek filmmaker Nico Papitakis, who worked with Jean Genet. There was some great fashion photos of Nico when she was a teen in the 50s, and a picture featuring a great looking young, Klaus Kinski, and Andreas Bader of the RAF, who was also one of Tobias' hot tricks. My friend, the brilliant art photog Annette Frick also showed her lovely short documentary film on Tobias which features some of his more daring S&M work that the timid curators of this show have pretty much decided to ignore, which is typical of institutions. It was great seeing Annette and boyfriend Wilhelm Hein, as well as the Cheap gang, with fearless leader Susanne Sachße, film historian Marc Siegel, Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, and Tim Blue with his Jamaican concert pianist beau David. Also saw my Berlinale intern Julius Bauer, engaged in an intense conversation, Austrian poet Sissy Tax. East German super 8 filmmaker Thomas Werner, Trixie, the famed former prima ballerina with the Frankfurt Ballet, and friend of Jack Smith and star of the movie "Trixie" by handicapped British experimental filmmaker Steve Dwoskin. Trixie's husband Peter Schonherr, the experimental cineaste who worked with Otto Muel, was huddled next to dear Anna Muelter of The Hebbel Theatre, photographer Andreas Fux, actor Constantine Berger with his SPD boyfriend. The SPD is Germany's version of the democratic party. Herr Berger has one of the largest penises in Europe, and him and his politician boyfriend love to make passionate love in the Reichstag after hours. Now that is hot!!!!!
Also seen schmoozing at the exhibit: Detlev of the Schwules Museo in Mehringdamm, Gunther, the famed muse of Karl Lagerfeld and hero to the hearing impaired community of Berlin, independent curator Frank Wagner, and Ricardo Tisci, the humpy Italian working in Paris who heads Givenchy Haute Couture, Ready-to-wear and women's accessories as well as the men's wear and accessories division with the LVMH colossus. Talk about a success story, i remember when i first met the exquisitely handsome Mr. Tisci he was working for Puma. I still have some of the swag he first gave me.

BEGUILER OF STARS
Met with my wonderful Wießensee students Joana, Lydia and Jenny at the cute Neu Köln queer space Silver Future. It was lovely hanging out with the gang, dwinking and snacking, before we begin a week of workshopping at this container space north of the Hermannplaty. The bar gets quite lively, and has an infectious energy. Vivacious owner Katta wasn't wearing her Elvis Herselvis hairdo, but she is so marvelously personable, and is such a warm hostessa that this pub is becoming my new favorite place in all of Berlina.
Earlier i met with Empress Stefanie of the Arsenal and her right hand girl Nanna Heidenreich, to solidify my Rising Stars, Falling Stars program for June and also to look through their database of films to fill out what i will be presenting for the rest of the year. Next week on Saturday May 24th we return to the world of the film serial and The Perils of Pauline starring one of the first screen international superstars Pearl White. The 1913-14 production will feature the Blue Bros. Tim & Kjohnny with live acommpaniment, and this time we will be in the smaller Kino 2 theatre for a more intimate feel. The event starts earlier at 7:30pm, so feel free to come and go, get a snack or two, but stay afterward for drinks in the rote foyer. Every month there are new people, so you never know who you might wind up with as the evening progresses.
I am so grateful to Nanna's hot girlfriend Angelika for bringing me back from the states some drugs in the form of American style aspirin, and cold tylenol PM. Miss Angie baby you are a lifesaver!!!!
Every day i spend most of the morning to late afternoon it seems at the Kunst Library near the Christiane F. Zoo Banoff. The hottest, most sexiest boys can be found at this library stalking the open stacks. Yummy, yummy and more under the yum yum tree. Yesterday when i was leaving, i saw a super humpy Babylonian gorgon of a boy, with peaches and cream complexion, dark hair, full pouty lips, a rack of warmed over death and booty to build a dream on, as i was staring at him, some little balding man approached me and asked if i spoke English. Still dazzled i mumbled in the affirmative, and the troll turned out to be some Jesus freak trying to prosyletize me. The holy luck of the doll!

RENCONTRES
Super busy with projects lately. Not only am i working on lesson plans for the art students at Wiesensee, but also the Art Center Design School in Stuttgard and the Clubszene project with high school kids throughout Berlin at the Hebbel Theatre. Tim Blue had me over to his Neu Köln flat for some working lunches. Tim is an excellent cook, just one of his many manly talents that include music, writing, art, sexing, and filmmaking. He showed me a work-in-progress of a new flicker he shot while at the Zurich Airport and its beyond genius. After working with Tim on some heavy brain calistenics, i treated myself to a long walk and cruise through the Hasenheide Park. I checked out the gay cancer shelf scene, where the fugmo homeysexuals lay out in the sun, and bake their snakeskin handbags to perfection.
Ran into Christian, the German friend of wonderful Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts (Straight To Hell). At least I think his name is Christian. He was living in New York for years, but has just returned to the Fatherland, and is also pals with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. I'm excited that he will be bringing Mr. Miller to Berlin for a short term residency.
***
During the long bank holiday-there are so many religious celebrations in Deutchland. I think everything even closes on the day the Christ child first farted, and had a bowel movement. Suzi Su, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap cooked a scrumpdelio 16 course Spring Feast for all the Cheap Blacky cast and crew. The Vagimule Doll loves to eat. Food is more important to the woman then sex, though she likes combining the two. Before dinner at 8 on Sunday, the lady Ms. D took a ho stroll through Friedrichshein Park.
Lo and behold!--It was giant SUV stroller family day----Yikesis!!!!
I can never quite figure out the proper etiquette for park cruising. Wound up spending 90 minutes talking to a salty dog Frenchman, who has lived in Berlin for over 20 years. The poor man was probably very goodlooking 30 years ago, he still had a lean, hard muscular body, but was a bit too alcoholica for my taste, though it was nice having a hen party with him and chatting.
On the way to La Susanne's compound i ran into Kiki Di Monteparnesse, the sweet assistant to Bruce La Bruce producer Jurgen Bruning. He had just finished a grueling porn shoot, but as always was in good spirits, as we gabbed like two convent girls dishing and dissing. Its always a pleasure to see Madame Kiki.
At the dinner party, the entire gang was on hand, film historian hottie Marcu Siegel, coveted translator to the gods and Swedish Muslim Daniel Hendrickson, The Blue Bros.---Tim & KJohnny, that French wunderkind Christophe Chemin, Tan Bihn Nguyen, the best make-up artiste in all of Germany and quite the hysterical card of a cut-up, Dragony Yvonne Asler, the Serbian Prince Valiant, plus vivacious Anna Muelter, Assoff "Gisele" Hochman, and bubble butt bedroom eyed Turkish dreamcake Senol Senturk. Lots of laughter, dwinking and joyous frivolity ensued.
Christophe has a French producer friend who wants to finance a Cheap Blacky film, and Suzi wants to shoot it in a Hungarian villa---will keep you posted on those developments.
***
Rehearsed with KJohnny Blue at his new spacious Neu Köln flat. I am going to open up for the Kill Rock Stars recording artists The New Bloods on Thursday May 22nd at the Club West Germany on Skalitzer Str 133 doors open at 9pm and i go on at 10pm. After rehearsing i had dinner at the Kofte Imbiss with KJohn, cruised the Hasenheide to see if there was any action going on, there wasn't, but saw a bunch of cute, young, booty pie Turkish and Arab boys in their uniform of white pants and bucks hanging out with family and friends being young and enjoying the park on a nice warm Spring day. I like Hasenheide, but the icky African and Caribbean drug dealers need to learn how to sell illicit narcotics better, their two bit operations are so irritating.
And i can also do without the white trendy German kids with dreadlocks and their drum circles. If you cannot keep a basic beat, you have no bizness with a percussive instrument. Walked through Kreuzeberg, stopped off at one of the Spring street festivals and oogled some gingers and blondines, walked through the Tiergarten via Potsdammer Platz and did some ho strolling through the gay cruizing area, as the sun was setting. Nothing to write home to Grand Mama, so i just sat and moon bathed on a park bench contemplating life as pesky mosquitos sucked me dry of my globulins. Then some tiny little Spaniard approached me. He was five feet nothing, with the saddest blue eyes i've ever seen. Clearly damaged, but there was a sweetness to him, we chatted briefly, and he looked longingly at me. For some reason i decided to invite him to my Cheese Endique Trifecta flat for a shag. We rode the autobus back to my apartment in spririted chat mode, and once in my lair he commensed to service the doll in a luxurious manner, just what i was in the mood for. I never asked his name, but he belongs to a wrestling club, so surprisingly he had very muscular legs, thighs and buttocks. The guy was only 28, but with his thinning hair, looked around 35. He had one of the tiniest erect penises i have ever seen, it was beyond cashew, and more like a sunflower seed. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. He works as a tour guide for Spanish touristas, and was quite the nice little fellow.

ENTRETIEN CROISE'
Went to a sumpteous dinner party hosted by hunky teen writing sensation Travis Jeppeson and his gorgeous 14 year old Slovakian beau, Mario Dzurila who can cook like nobodies bizness. The emancipated minors live in the Moabit section of Berlin in a huge compound that has a great view of the Tiergarden. Travis not only writes sharp profiles for international magazines like Zoo, but is a well regarded poet and novelist, and publishes other young writers on his own Blatt books imprint, with offices in Berlin, Prague and New York. Their latest tome being C(o)urt Interpretations by young, swivel hipped Slovenian writer Ales Muster. Mario designs all the Blatt book releases, and is one of the youngest, most sought after graphic designers in Europe with a unique style that is youthquakingly fresh and original.
The guest of honor at the din din was legendary writer and filmmaker Chris Kraus of Semiotext(e) fame. The lovely Ms. Kraus is in Berlin where she will be showing one of her films at a new gallery at Bulowstr tonight at 8pm, and on Saturday will read from new work at Pro Q M bookshop in Mitte. I've never met Chris before, even though we both lived in Los Angeles, and her offices were in the same medical building in MacArthur Park that housed my Cheese Endique Trifecta studio since 2002. I do believe i've come in contact with her former lover Sylvere Lotringer. I wish i could go see her in action, but i have to prepare for my art classes with students at the Wiesensee Art School and also at the University in Stüttgard.
As you can imagine this was one sophisticated soiree that also included film historian Marc Siegel, kollective Cheap's luscious lady leader Susanne Sachße, who had my New York intern Marc Arthur all schtar struck, Paris "It" boy Christophe Chemin who brought his delectable baby sister Lucile, editor of Text Zur Kunst Stefanie Kleefield with Berlin based artist Henning and Chinese movie star and pop singer Edison Chen, who came by earlier in the evening, but couldn't stay to eat as he already had a dinner engagement. Mr. Chen was recently embroiled in a shocking sex skandal, and has given up his illustrious career, and is in Berlin to cool his heels. I wouldnt haved picked Berlina to dry out---i'm sure he'll just wind up getting himself into more salacious trouble.

UND DAS IST EIN FISCHSTÄBCHEN?
O i forgot to mention that while i was in Krems, Austria Dr. Jennifer Doyle of UC Irvine and Dr. Dominic Johnson, of Queen Mary University in London, treated the doll to a nice, fancy luncheon in the old towne section of the city. The weather was perfect, and joining us was Ron Athey who filled me in on all the LA gossip of who was drop kicking whom. Daddy Athey is hardly in Los Ang, as he is always traveling someplace performing or lecturing. When he is in the southland he spends the majority of his time tucked away at the desert home of movie costume designer Susan Matheson aka: Crepe Suzette. Ron designed her landscaping, and since she is forever on location working, and isn't able to enjoy the house that use to belong to Zza Zza Gabor, Ron makes full use of its case study charms.
***
The famed French gay blue movie director Jean Daniel Cadinot died, aged 64. If it wasn't for Mr. Cadinot, modern porn companies like Bel Ami, which specializes in pristine eastern European male ingenues, wouldn't be so popular or financially successful. He definately paved the platinum path for them.
***
The lesbian rap duo Bunny Rabbit was performing in Zurich while i was there with Cheap Blacky. Some of the Cheapies got to check them out, but i was fighting a sore throat, so wisely decided to stay in my lovely little hotel room and nest in front of CNN. While at dinner earlier in the evening i was introduced to the strapping British motor bike racer James Toseland. What a fine specimen of manhoodliness he turned out to be. Yowza!
***
Had a late bruncheon with my New York intern Marc Arthur, who is in Berlin as an exchange student till August. Mark is a beautiful and very bright teenager with the prettiest eyes imaginable. We're going to have a lot of fun together this summer.
The next day i met with pretty Katja Maya, a smart and self-possessed art student who will be one of my kids in the class i am teaching at the Wiesensee Art school. She even designed a great poster for the seminar. We met at Bierhimmel in Kreuzeberg and chittle chatted for hours. We were interruped by a lonely unnattractive little man sitting next to us in the cafe. Its very strange indeed for a German to insert themselves into another parties conversation. I am always intrigued when someone breaks the usual protocols. We both talked to him for a while, I sensed that he was in dire need of human contact, and was one of those types that would probably wind up commiting suicide, so great was his desire to be noticed in an unforgiving world. However my compassion for him could only go so far as he was dull beyond belief.
We decided to have one more drink someplace else, and Katja took me to this new queer space in Neu Köln called Silver Future on Weser Str ran by her very personable friends Katta and Jan. What a nice and comfy atmosphere. The bar was intimate and appealing, and i liked it much better then Barbie Dienhoff which its constantly compared to. The place has only been open since September of last year and i encourage my Berlin blogina readers to check it out.

GESTÄHLTE ADONISSE IN SPRITZLAUNE
Second part of tour with Cheap Blacky, the Bruce LaBruce directed performance piece, and the weather is beyond major Miss gorgeous in Zurich Switzerland, the white collar crime capital of Europe. Our first performance is on May 1st. May Day. Never get booked on May Day unless you enjoy seeing protesters and police battling it out with rubber bullets, water canons and the like. Actually it was kind of exciting, and didnt affect people coming to the theater as we had a very full house, but i wouldnt recommend it.
Half of Cheap is staying in to the cute little Hotel Rothaus in the Redlight District- how appropriate. The hotel use to be a bordello. The rest of the group, plus lighting designer Hans, production coordinator, Anna Multer and set dressing expert Senol, are in a large apartment owned by the Theaterhaus Gessneralle where we will have a long run of the show. I am the only one who gets a room of their own, and my view is scrumpteous--- hookers, pimps and drug dealers. My favorite kind of people, and especially refreshing in a boutique city like Zurich, where everything is super expensive, even McDonalds. Luckily as a performer we get a 50% discount on our meals at the Theatre restaurant and the food and service is top notch. The director of the Theater Niels Ewerbeck is sweet and attentive, but theatre people in German language countries don´t realize that its considered a grievous faux pas not to treat their guests to at least one free meal and drinks, and since the theatre is generously funded by the city, and makes the majority of their $moula from the food and dwinks that should be a top priority for them. But other then that, i was very happy with this leg of our tourina, and it was also nice seeing Ms. Gunda Zeeb who use to work at the Hebbel Theatre in Berlin, and has always been a fervent Cheap supporter.
A nice sampling of celebs attended our premiera-Filmmaker Raphael Glucksman with his famous public intellectual father Andre´Glucksman, booty pie pop star Clueso who is all wrapped up in the house of the doll, but didnt even trying bagging her. Whats that about, eh? Jewelry designing rebel Shaun Leanes who was with the wonderful Messimo & Pierce of Black Sun Productions, who came to the piece twice, also on hand was hunky Swiss conceptual artist Urs Fischer, Katerina Clewinghaus the star of Bruce La Bruce´s Otto, Up With Dead People, buger boy Nicholai, one of our Cheap Gossip Studio interns who is from the French part of Switzerland, portraiturist Rosina Kuhn who had a retrospective of her early work on display in the city, queeny tyro art star Luka Beyerler and his beau, young, pretty and super smart art concubine Tom Dura, who also came to see the show twice, and some long on the tooth tranny chasing footballers Bastien Girod, Donat Grimm and Loca Tonis. Cheap Blacky Video and Stage designer Christophe Chemin gave me a glorious present, some heritage jewelry from his great grandmothers Fulco Santostefano Della Cerda, Duke of Verdura collezione. The queeny Italian Duke use to work with Coco Chanel, and his unique designs were a favorite of high society during the 1920s till late 40s. Christophe´s patrician great grandma was a famous writer, and early feminist. Christophe inherited her jewelry and loves giving his friends bits and pieces of it. He is soooo amazingly generous, besides being a major artistic talent, he can also give great back massages.
Loved watching TV in my hotel room. All the news stations are still aflutter about the fugly incest Daddy from Austria, who kept his daughter imprisoned in a dungeon for 24 years. I was just in Krems, Austria for the Donau festival, and to think i was only a few miles from the epicenter of this international scandal.
Will write a little more after i have properly recovered from the tour.

BALM IN GILEAD
Sad news to report, Mrs. Jeffrey Burroughs aka Thing of the Ventura County Homo House kollective died quietly in his sleep the other night. Mrs. Burroughs was a hilarious free spirit, and the creator of the sexual positioning called Turtle, amongst other wild, non normative expressions of sexuality. I´ve known Mrs. Burroughs for more then 20 years and will miss her sweet beach blonditude. She is survived by her loyal girlfriends Dora, the first lady of drag in Ventura, and richest white woman of Southern California, and Clitoris Turner aka Mark Maxwell.

RIMMING IM DESIGNER-BAD
The Weather in Krems, Austria was magnificent. Sunny and not too warm, just perfect and very springlike. Krems also has some of the most amazing wine. The food is good too, but not as perfect as in Styria, which is Arnold Schwartzennegger country. While at the Donau Festival i ran into Sabine and Christine of the Steireicher Herbst Festival. They came to see Cheap Blacky and loved it. Didnt get a chance to see the band Xiu, Xiu that features cute little Jamie Stewart who use to perform regularly at my Club Sucker in Silverlake when he led the bands 10 in the Swear Jar and Ibopa. I even chowed down on his pretty genitalia while he was on my humble stage. He has become quite the big indie rock music star since his old Club Sucker days in the 90s. Leave it to Vaginal Davis to once again create future leaders in the underground rock community.
Also saw my juicy Kino Arsenal intern Christian F. Christian is from Bavaria and has a twin brother, and is one of the nicest kids on the planet, very bright and with a hilarious sense of humour. He is working on his Phd at the moment and we spent some quality time catching up at a cute cafe Al Fresco style.
o and one more thing i wanted to say about the wine in Krems, their vinelands are located in the picture postcard perfect hills ascending the Danube. And Krems even boasts its own wine college of carnal knowledge. The city dates back over 1000 years ago as the first settlement of nomadic German barbarians and Slavs, and is home to one of the biggest concentrations of criminals with the largest and sexiest penal colony in all of Austria. See what you learn from reading my lady blogina.

JUDY IS A PUNK
The Donau Festival is really one of the most incredible festy´s I´ve ever taken part in. Executive Director Tomas Zierhofer-Kin´s unique mixing of performance, music, film and art which at first seems unwieldy, actually works. And the little provincial town of Krems is delightful, with very friendly local people. Not even my German speaking collegues could understand what the townies are saying because of their thick dialect. I guess its like being in Manchester or Birmingham, England. I know they are speaking some form of English, but it might as well be Rusky.
I knew i was in Austria when on the second night of performances a muscular naked man was reading text wearing a pig mask. But in all The Donau is one extremely well organized & curated, festival. Herr Zierhofer-Kim is also a gracious host. Vienna curator Heiko Pfost could learn a lot from his mentor in that regard.
The diversity of talents on hand was electrifying. Bruce LaBruce was lucky enough to see the lesbian rap duo Bunny Rabbit. Since i was performing in Cheap Blacky i actually got to see very few other performers. The militant high priestess of spoken word Ursula Rucker performed inside a 13th Century Church, but of course she was on at the exact same time i was, so i missed her set. The drop dead gorgeous Ms. Rucker is from Philly PA and is the protege of the great poet Sonya Sanchez. We were hanging out together with pretty and vivacious Isabel Lewis of the Ann Liv Young dance kollective. The VIP lounge suddenly was turned into a vociferous black lady meeting of the minds, as we hooted and hollered as only sexy sistahs can.
In the VIP tent it was nice to spend some quality time with big daddy Athey. It was pure pleasure seeing his double bill with Dom Johnson called Self Obliteration. Ron´s sense of humour knows no bounds, as he once again creates perfect tableaux vivant. Upon entering his chamber Ron becomes a stately museo piece and "Cousin It" virility god, who not only obsessively combs the lice out of his long blondine locks, but does it while in heavy blood sausage trepanation mode.
Dom was a perfect compliment. No one does melancholia better then young Mr. Johnson, whose sublime perpetual sadness is so endearing. I also give Dom credit as someone from the academy who isn´t afraid to put his penis where his mouth is. Dom and I chatted till 5am, which is natural since we haven´t seen each other in 2 years. Ditto with Ron, so there was lots of catching up that had to be done. The Dadster was going to Vienna to lecture at the Academy of Fine Art and hang with big diqued art photog Mattias Hermann, who came to our show with visiting art fag Greg Bordowitz and his lesbian girlfriend Ulrike Müller. Mr. Bordowitz also teaches at the Chicago Art Institute. Mattias Hermann really liked our performance piece....
I didnt get a chance to say goodbye to Ron Athey while in Krems, but hopefully we will reunite in Korea for this big art happening that Raymond Hague and Franko b. are curating.

SCHMUSEKATZE
Cheap Blacky tour begins at Donau Festival in Krems, Austria, a small town just outside of Vienna. The Donau is a music, film, art and performance eventa attracting artists from around the globe. My room in the quaint Park Donau hotel is lovely with a nice view of artists installations and a soccer field where lots of studly eyecandy is milling about.
During breakfast i catch a glimpse of Jean Louis Costes, the wild French performance artist and inventive musician who use to be married to Lisa "Suckdog" Carver before she was wed to Boyd Rice. I'm sure Costes doesn't recognize me, its been so long since we performed together in Los Angeles with Lisa and Glen Meadmore at Al's Bar back in the early 90s. After that performance we were all soaked in Lisa's urine, and went to a roller skate birthday party for designer Rick Owens at the hustler bar The Spotlight off of Hollywood Blvd on the Cahuenga corridor.
Opening night of Cheap Blacky and there are lots of familiar faces like artist Mattias Hermann, Jennifer Doyle, Kacyila Brooks, Ron Athey, Dominic Johnson, football ingenue Helge Payer, director Bruce "Judy" LaBruce who is all over this festival, with a screening of Otto, and a performative lecture called Bruce LaBruce Ambiguities.
A German TV star was checking out Cheap Blacky in the form of Billy "Bully" Herbig of Bully Sucht Starke Meanner, a reality TV show that recently featured Fassbinder star Gunther Kaufman who will play a small role in this tough girl Viking saga called "Vicky".
Beautiful young Jay Crisfar also came to our premiera. Of course every older gentleman in the proximity of 40 miles was chasing after his young fresh fleshyness---the kid has a 25 centimeter penis that is a bit thicker then Justin Timberlakes. Also on hand was Charolotte Roche the former TV presenter turned obsessive feminist writer with her acclaimed tome Feuchtgebiete, which in English translates as Moist Areas, Charlotte joins the ranks of Susanne Sachsse fanatics. Suzi Su is the fearless leader Cheap, and she sparkles in the Liz Taylor/Silvana Mangano lead role in the piece. Susanne is a classically trained actress who was a member of the famed Berliner Ensemble. I´ve never seen anyone give so much on stage. She is a walking work of perfected art. The other cast members were also shining, like Marc Siegel who takes on the part of lecturer in this production. Not a big stretch in that he is a noted film historian and University Professor with an international reputation. Marc is so funny on stage, and sucks a mean cock, felating fellow castmember Christophe Chemin who is also Cheap Blacky production designer and creator of our striking multi media visuals. Rounding off the cast is striking Serbian choreographer Dragan Asler in the role of the Father, Assaf Hochman as the Son, Tan Bihn Nyguyen as Anacleto and also doing the splendid make-up design, Daniel Hendrickson, Tim and K-johnny Blue as the Hot band playing the movie soundtrackish score live along with effects. Working valiently behind the scenes is expert lighting designer, the muscular and adorable Hans, Senol working on the set and props and Production Coordinator Anna Muelter who keeps everything flowing and who we´d all be lost without.
***
Dom Johnson who is performing with big Daddy Athey is now a manly 27 year old. I've known him since he was a child Phd student. The Athey has lost 50 pounds and is looking sleek and elegant. He broke up with his longtime butch realness Swiss lover Maxmillian and is now involved with a humpy former porn star turned Nurse Betty.
Lots of art related gossip was floating about the festival. I learned that Matthew Barney has a new muse in the form of British body artist Mouse, who performed at the Porn Film Festival party where i curated a DJane set last year. In fact Mz. Mouse is now Mr. Barney´s new muse, and may be taking the place of Mrs. Barney, Bjork soon. Remember i am not one to gossip, so you didnt hear it from me.
Got a chance to see the total Hidden Cameras experience, along with their Dawn of the Dead gospel choir that featured the former German/Turkish soccer legend Mehmet Scholl. Joel Gibb and company were creating alchemy with their lush performative set. My baby diaper Joel is soooo manlische on stage, that he gets my fidgity dry pussy all wet and drippy. Which is quite a feat in and of itself.
Was finally formally introduced to his vivacious keyboard player Laura, who is so gorgeous and charming. And of course i fell madly in love with his new drummer John Power from New Foundland, a punk rock skin pounder of the first magnitude, and a cornfed, free range, peaches n cream complexioned white boy with an asstrovar you could build a dream on. Boys like John i will give my last paycheck to. He's planning to move to Berlin, and i hope i get to see much more of him. There are not enough superlatives to describe this amazing young, muscular ginger. I feel all aflutter like a 13 year old convent girl.

TOO MANY HUSBANDS
A delightful evening at the Cheese Endique Trifecta with German underground film guru Wilhelm Hein and his saucy, and sweet artist girlfriend Annette Frick, whose new documentary will be shown at the Herbert Tobias Exhibit that oqens May 15th at the Alte Berlinisher Museo. Tobias was a famed queer qhotograqher, known for fashion and hardcore sex imagery. I always have a great time with Hein and Fricke, who i have known for almost a decade. They are the most fascinating qouqle in Berlin, and i love hearing all their stories. At dinner Wilhelm talked about his latest triq to Bogota, Columbia where he was invited to qresent one of his unique film qrograms. He also relayed to me tales of Cuban artist Anna Mendieta who either committed suicide in the Nineteeen eighties or was thrown from the high rise aqartment she shared with lover Carl Andre`. And Wilhelm also knows the famed Argentine artist Martha Menjuin who is in her seventies, but loves wearing sexy warm leatherette outfits.
***
Saturday evening was my monthly Rising Stars, Falling Stars event at Kino Arsenal with a rare screening of Erich Von Stroheim´s Queen Kelly starring Gloria Swanson. The film was never finished, and at the time Miss Swanson was involved with Jo Kennedy, the father of John F. Kennedy. Even the Cardinal of Boston begged the diva to break off with the married man and future Ambassador to Great Britain, but knowing about Father Kennedy and his sexual hungers, it makes sense that his sons were all hornicious horndogs. Recently a film has emerged that shows Marilyn Monroe in felatiotic degrosso with Jack Kennedy, and if the senior J. Kennedy was anything like his son JFK Jr., he was quacking a fine hefty thrombone.
Fighting the flu, but still looking radiant Stefanie Schulte Strathaus and her right hand gal Nanna Heidenreich, who as always transforms the Roto Salon into a glorious filmic salon with her artistic decorative touch. Angie Baby was on hand looking adorable as always, along with the Wiesensee art school girls Joanne and Katja, square jawed Berlinale intern Clemons who came with actor lovers Max Riemelt and Denis Moschitto, who left in the arms of gallic hunk Daniel Duval. Hmmmmmm
Hot curator Tim Stuttgen,just back from his Greek Active Arts Festival, Evelyn Russler, handsome Uli and his cutie qie girlfriend Magda, Belgium artist Guillame Caillous, Sasa Vukadinovic and his leading lady Lionis, Skachi, the former east German sqeed skater, the girl everyone loves and admires Anna Muelter of HAU, Assaf Hochman, Daniel Hendrickson, The Blue Bros, Tim & Kjohnny,writer Jena Hensel, Annette Fricke, Wilhelm Hein, glamorous Susanne Sachse, stummfilme musician Eunice Martin and film historian Marc Siegel, who reminded me that Chinese fag director Tsai Ming Liang whose latest film I Don´t Want To Sleeq Alone will be screened at the Haus der Kulture der Welt on Sunday. Marc introduced me to the director years ago at my old qunk rock beer bust Club Sucker. If you havent seen his films The River, where a man unwittingly has sex with his own son in a bathhouse or the musicals The Hole and The Wayward Cloud, you have missed out on a major cinema talenti.
O and before i forget humqy Adam Green also came to see Queen Kelly. Adam and his former music collaborator Kimya Dawson have scored major kudos with their songs in the Oscar winning film Juno. Both Adam and Kimya always came to hang out with me at my twenties soiree Bricky´s, whenever they were in Los Angeles.

AH YOUTH,AH WILDERNESS
Tim Blue of kollective Cheap and i had our first meeting with the Hebbel Am Ufer contingent of young collaborators on this Klubszene project that will culminate in a short performance with 150 theater students around Berlin. Its an ambitious project to be sure. Tim and I must be completely mad to take part in it, but thats never stopped us before. Tim and his brother kJohnny participated in something similar with large groups of elementary school children. And i worked with youth groups in Manchester England which turned out to be brilliant. This time the age range is 13-19 or so. The sparkling bright faces we encountered were boisterous and eager, with ethnic backgrounds ranging from Turkey to Iran, mostly girls with a few boys sprinkled about. There was quite a bit of interest in the fact that both Tim and I, are from California, which i didn´t expect. Issues that came up were deep: suicide, homosexuality, bisexuality, arranged marriages, racial tension and parental abuse. These young adults are ready to tackle issues head-on, so its our duty to help them shine.
The facilitator of this particular ensemble is Miake, the tall, stylish Dutch girl who heads the music program at HAU, and assisting her is cute Belgium intern Quinten. By the end of the two hours spent with them all, i was huffing, puffing and trying to find some body oil for my stiff achy breaky knees. Working on this will either keep me young, or kill me.

UN BADGE POUR S'AFFICHER
The teenage Scandanavian writing infant terrible Travis Jeppeson, and his dreamy lover Mario, had me over for a scrumpteous din din at their huge Moabit compound on Saturday. The tres intimate guest list included artist Christophe Chemin and beauty queen Susanne Sachße. Travis had just returned from London where he read with Adelle Stripe of the Brutalists, at Foyes Bookshop on Charing Cross Road as part of the Get London Reading Short Story Festival. Travis shared "What The Witch Doctor Says" from the Institute of Psychoplasmics catalog. The exhibition opened on April 8th at the Pump House Gallery in Battersea Park. The beautiful Mr. Jeppeson also read at the SRO Literary High Tea at the Fitzroy Dolls Restaurant at Hotel Russell in Bloomsbury. This event was organized by the genius writer,and heritage burlesque star, Heidi James, who is editing Travis' next book "Disorientations: Art on the Margins of the Contemporary" for the Social Disease imprint. Travis also has a new web journal at www.disorientations.com. that you must check out or die.
***
A fan from New York just emailed me an article about the Vaginal Davis Bump. What in the hell is that you ask? Well it has something to do with the fact that anything mentioned in my lady blog suddenly experiences a sudden spike in popularity. I had no idea i was so influential.
***
Spent a glorious Spring, sunny and bright day with Koen Claerhout, the Flemish youth who was a Cheap Kollective intern for our 2005 piece "It Happened to Me". The multi talented Mr. Claerhout has also designed the lady Ms. D. a deconstructed gown, as well as costumes for my art band Ruth Fischer for the Cheap Sylvester Art Bachanalia. Koen comes from a super wealthy Belgium industrialist family, and now divides his time between studies in Berlin and working for the first Brussels Biennale.
***
Started slowly rehearsing with the Cheapies for our upcoming tour of Cheap Blacky. The piece that we did in collaboration with Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. At the end of April we go to the Donau Festival in Krems, Austria and will be joined by a superstar roster of international dignataries like Ron Athey, Dom Johnson, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and sexy professor Jennifer Doyle.
***
Don't forget that this Saturday April 19th i host Rising Stars, Falling Stars my performative tribute to early cinema with a screening of Erich von Stroheim's 1929 classic Queen Kelly starring Gloria Swanson. The divine Eunice Martin will be accompanying the film on piano, and after the screening we will have a little reception in the rote foyer. Mark you calenderia for 9pm Saturday at Kino Arsenal at the Film Haus in Potsdamer Platz.
And speaking of falling stars, Hollywood Golden era great Charleton "NRA" Heston died. Whenever i think of two buck Chuck, i start to grin about how Gore Vidal tricked him with the homo context of Ben Hur, and the relationship in the film between Heston and Stephen the sloppy bottom Boyd. Also passing was the legendary director Jules Dassin.

VENUE A PARIS POUR ASSOUVIR SA PASSION MUSICALE
April in Paris. So This is Paris eh? A triumphant return to the city of everything sublime and lovely. It was nice to leave a dreary, cold and bleak Berlin and go to where it was much warmer and filled with bodacious eye candz. Yummy, Yummy, and more Yumm. The contemporary art museum Le Palais de Tokyo put me up at the chic and charming Hotel Longchamp Elysees right next to the Eifel Tower, i was also able to bring my European assistant Love Camel, aka Andrea Novarin from London to help me, and believe me i needed him.
The curator for my program was the vivacious Marie Helene Bourcier who besides being one of the smartest programmers in Europe is also a legendary academic, scholar and lesbian feminist intellectual of the first order. Working at Le Palais helping on my event was the talented staff that consisted of pretty gamine, Claire Szulc who is the coordinator of cultural actions, and sexy black sister woman Justine, who made me feel right at home at this huge institution, and the gorgeous tech writer Florian, who is everything you would want in a young delicious white French boy. For my presentation of Porno Adorno-F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks i began with a pre-show of Most Wanted a collage film by and with incredible music by my Cheap kollective colleguen Tim Blue, in fact i had a second screen playing Tim's other brilliant cinema tapestry TB for VD on BD, Revolutions Should Taste Like Cum which wowed the SRO audience. Marie Helene really has a knack for bringing together a mixed audience of different sexualities and ages, infants to octogenerians. And what a hot crowd, the beautiful writer, philosopher, and sexiest, brightest man in all of Europe Maxime Cervulle, with his wonderful beau Marco, vibant psychological theorist Ninette Succab, Austrian director Michael Haneke, no season haute couture collection designer Alexis Mabille, juicy Italian Ricardo Tisci of Givenchy, athletic wunderkind Romain Mesnil, lighting designer Pierre Bideau, in-situ artist Daniel Buren, punk priestess of the band Tribe 8 and writer Lynn Breedlove who is filming a movie of her book Gods Speed with baracuda femme girlfriend Wendy DeLorme who is the award winning French sexpert, her latest tome Fourth Generation, their studly youthquaker friend Gregoire, Mark Alizart, the shy executive director of Le Palais, video artist Shulea Cheang, Madame Christine Steinitz the divine coffee skinned British Guyana tranny who married one of the wealthiest men in all France, and is good friends with Lady Bunny, young dorky German actor Raphael Braun, Christophe LeMaire of LeCoste with his right hand man John Storey, who cooked Love Camel and i a scrumpteous feast of Mexican food for a dinner party on our first night in Paris. Also paying their respects to la diva, were selected members of the New York band Vampire Weekend, humpy Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano, and Gallic swim star Alain Bernard. Thanks also to my old LA pal David, who has been living in Paris for almost ten years and took us bar hopping in la Marais after din din at John Storey's gorgeous split level flat.

FARNSWORTHY COMPOST
Met up with the baby diaper, and Canadian musical auteur Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, who i swear gets more beautiful every time i see him. We had lunch at Tuffstein around the corner from the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Joel is as crazy as a loon, but that is why i adore him. Why are all Canadians absolutely mad? We went back to my studio, and i invited my new neighbor, the singer Billie Ray Martin over for some vino. Billie isn´t British like i thought, but is German, from Hamburg. She speaks such good English, and sings without an accent that i thought she was from England. Aren´t i dumb. Later Joel and i went to go meet the Tate Modern´s Stuart Comer who is in town for the Berlin Biennale. Stuart looked handsome, young and patrician. I hope he is sufficiently getting his gnut in England, he deserves it. He really is a sweet young man. We met at this gallery on a corner in Mehringdamm. I don´t know the name of the place, but its owned by a wealthy young American art fag, whose name escapes me. I guess the occasion was for the new Taschen book on Colin de Land of American Fine Arts Gallery. Colin and my best girlfriend Kembra Pfahler of the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black were lovers until Colin died of cancer. I heard from Mo. B. Dick that Kembra just had a big show at the Whitney. Congrats Kembra!
Joel and I arrived at the soiree very late as most people had left. Mr. Comer was with the handsome Japanese/American artist Dean Samashima, who lives nearbye. I feel protective of sweet little Dean. When he first moved to Berlin, he turned into a frantic party animule. He´s calmed down considerably. and is more the talented Dean i´ve always admired. There is something about him i have always found lovesexy and sublime. The boys went off to dinner, but being that the doll is an olde lady, i had to excuse myself to work on my text for my big museum show at Le Palais de Tokyo on Wednesday.

I DRINK IT ALL DAY
A lovely little note was left on my door by my downstairs neighbor who happens to be the famed British singer Billie Ray Martin of the massive hit from the 90s "Loving Arms" that was co-written by someone i recently collaborated with, David Harrow of Technova and James Hardway fame. Dave wrote the music for my only dance club hits "I Could Have Sex" and "My Pussy is a Cactus".
My landlord told Ms Martin i was living in the building, and she wrote me a sweet missive asking that i knock on her door, which i did, and we chatted briefly and i met her two cats. It was enchanting meeting the ducimet voiced songbird, and i wish we could have talked longer, but i had to run to meet designer Rick Owens and his ladylove Michele Lamy at their Hotel De Rome on Unter der Linden for drinks. I haven't seen Rick and Michele since 2003 when they left Los Angeles for Paris. They both looked great, and Michele is more gorgeous then ever. I've actually known her longer then Rick for something like over 25 years. They are in town for the Berlin Biennale. Shows you how much i know and care about the mechanations of the tired art world, as i didnt know that Berlin had a Biennale. I just go about my business producing work, whether anyone is interested in it or not, and all those Miami Basel artfairs and what nots, can just come and go about hithertither.

ENFIN VEUVE
Still getting lots of accolades via emug for my installation and performances in San Francisco at the Yerba Buena for the group show The Way That We Rhyme: Women, Art & Politics. Berin Golonu, the curator did an excellent job of putting together such a diverse group of feminist artists. Of course i am a woman trapped in the body of a woman. I wish i had more time to go through all the pieces individually, and completely meditate over them, but my time in San Francisco was such a whirl. I sincerely wanted to hang out with everyone who wanted to spend time with me, but unless you were able to physically stalk me at the hotel, then hijack me to breaky, lunch, brunch or dinner, it was just impossible to give everyone the time they deserved, and i don´t plan on being brought back to the west coast any time soon, all i can do is offer lame appologees, and hope you all understand.
Some other institutions have made inquiries, but of course i don´t take anything serious unless i have the travel itinery in hand, so we will see what happens. My Spring committments are stacking up in Europa. I will perform my performative lecture "Porno Adorno-F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks at the prestigious museum Le Palais de Tokyo in Paris France on Wednesday Feb 9th 7:30pm. Then i will be touring Austria with Cheap Blacky the performance piece directed by Bruce LaBruce that will make a pitstop at the Donau Festival at Stadsaal April 24,25 &26th and moving into May in Switzerland at the Gessneralle Theatre in Zurich May 1-3. I will teach some performance art workshops with the students of the Art School Weisensee May 20-23rd and perform with the K Records band The New Bloods on May 21st, and at the end of May its the final shows of Cheap´s Max und Moritz at Theatre aur de Parkaue June 1-3rd. More workshops with high school students June 21 and 22nd, and i´ve been invited to the Busan Biennale in South Korea in late August early September. Whew! its just too too much.
Got a call from designer Rick Owens who was recently profiled in a fantastic article in the New Yorker Magazine. He and his lady love,the great Michele Lamy will be in Berlin for a few days, so i hope to see them and catch up, as its been years.
Last night i attended a birthday soiree for Stefanie Schulte-Strathaus, the divine empress of Kino Arsenal who just turned 25, making her one of the youngest power women in Berlin. Daniel Hendrickson of Cheap along with beauty lady Nanna Heidenreich prepared some sumpteous Turkish lentil soup and dainties for the guests, and of course there was lots of drinking and frivolities in the air with a guest list that included film historian Marc Siegel and his child bride Susanne Sachße, Tim Blue with Jamaican concert pianist lover David, brother Kjohnny Blue, Angie Baby, Senol Sentürk, blondine star of the new flick The Red Baron, Matthias Schweighöfer, programmer Florian Wüst, the lovesexy and stylish curator La Maria Morata and mega important feminist filmmaker and scholar, Noll Brinckman whose ouvre will be out soon on DVD, through Arsenal Experimental. Legendary avantgard film guru Wilhelm Hein with his art photog gal pal, Annette Frick treated everyone to some gems from his personal collection on 16 millimeter including some shorts by the Kuchar Bros and Ethyl Eichenberger.

FASHION WEEK IN THE TUVA REPUBLIC
I was a bit apprehensive about returning to the states for a big institutional museum show. Especially since I haven't always fared well in the city by the Bay. But this trip has been divine! I loved my hotel suite at the Le Meridien, in the Financial District at Battery and Clay. It was in walking distance to the museum, and my room in the depths of the 20th Floor had a glorious view of the Bay Bridge and featured a California King sized bed that was beyond comfortable. I've never slept so well. Bought a lovely cheap pair of high heels at Foxy Lady on Mission at 22nd Street for the big opening night soiree. Thank you Paz for suggesting this boutique.
Hector Martinez, the Affleck Insurance Exec came up from LA to assist me with installing my Present Penicative installation, and i am so glad he did, as i really needed him. Hector was also my date to the gala opening where i arrived early, and hit the Donor VIP lounge to chow down on the free grub and dwinks.
Met the charming executive director of the Yerba, Kenneth Foster and his beau who is good friends with Professor Jose Munoz of NYU. William Lobkowicz and his wife Alexandra introduced themselves to me. The Lobkowicz' are Prague Royals who run the Princely Art Collection in the Czech Republic. We talked about the hot new book Daisy: The Life and Loves of the Countess of Warwick by Sushila Anand, which is what i was reading on the long plane ride from London to San Francisco. Didn't catch the names of all the socialites who chittle chatted me up as i held court, but i did have nice converse with Nancy Paasch, Ryan Scott, Ravi Kapur, Roland Passot, Australlian Consul-General David Lawson, Richard Cheng, Shotaro Kamio the famous chef of Yoshi's, adorable young illustrator Pietari Posti of Helsinki, handsome Mayor Gavin Newsome and philanthropist Mireille Schwartz.
I shamelessly flirted with Serbian tennis stars Novak Djokovic and Ana Ivanovic, booty pie teen star Jake McDorman and Balthazar "Betty" Getty. The frenzy of well wishers included Priscilla Hazelwood of Bogonious Creative, serene Ghislain de la Felaise, filmmaker Immanuel Martin, who gave me a copy of his latest flicker "Miyuki", Douglas Gordon with his pal Derrick, bubble butted Lawrence Roberts of Holy Tit Clamps fame, and sweet little Marc Arthur and his new fashion designer love interest who was creatively wearing a sleeping bag.
The Toxic Titties were on hand cleverly attacking the wealthy museum patrons with some hilariously staged antics. By 10:00 pm my new dogs were barking so i had to retire early, plus i had to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning for a day long series of events.
***
Was back at the Yerba Buena at 10am to get ready for my Salon, Bilitis: A Feminist Seperatist State(Somewhere in Palestine) My event was the first of the day, starting at noon at the aptly named Room For Big Ideas. A capacity crowd of lovely ladies attended, and the discussion was lively, spirited, and very intimate. It was so nice to see Heather and The Toxic Titty Girls, Lesbians to the Rescue, and juicy Xochitl Oliva and her sweet physician girlfriend in the audience. Lots of kisses to everyone who attended and shared, and for the wonderful staff who helped coordinate the dainties, mamosas and layout of the room so that it was nice and comfy for one and all.
At 2pm i ate my delicious little box lunch that was provided for me and by 4pm it was time for Colonize Me, my encounter performance for an audience of one man at a time. Shoutout to Matthew Rana who was the expert facilitator, and kept me on time and on schedule. All the males who participated were dear, considering they are all white, satan, lucifer devil men who will have to be killed during the revolution. I even got a few celebs in the mix like piercer to the stars Paul King and handsome 6'5 inch actor John Krasinski of the new George Clooney film Leatherheads and TV's The Office. It was nice having a one-on-one with a naked Mr. Krasinski, who is super fine, and extremely well endowed, but has a bit of a body oder problem. Not that i minded.
I finished at 6pm on the dot. Wanted to see Nao Bustamante and Julie Atlas Mus perform at 8pm, but i was wiped out. Hector treated me to a feast at Maxwell's near Union Square, i tripped walking back to the hotel and almost broke my neck, so that told me it was time for bed. The next day Larry Bob and his lover Tommy Boy who runs a ghostbusters organization and tour of the Haunted Haight area took us to luncheon at Tommy's Joynt, a delicious hoffbrau on Geary & Van Ness near the old hustler stomping grounds of Polk Street. We all carried on, laughing and hooting it up like old codgers, talking about cults like the vegetarian restaurant that Hector took me to earlier in the week at 9th and Market called Ananda Fuara.

PICK-UP ON SOUTH STREET
One of my fav Hollywood actors died-Richard Widmark. He was a whopping 93, and was related to my Afro Sisters "Pop That Cherry" Jefferson aka: Priscilla Hazelwood, whose auntie Jean Hazelwood was Widmarks first wife for 55 years till she died in 1997. Cherry and her filmmaker son Man Martin met me at my hotel a few days ago and took the doll for pupusas in The Mission District, which i have been craving. It was so good seeing them and catching up on our twisted lives.
I also met this handsome New York Times reporter named Alex Berenson who is in town promoting some book he wrote called The Ghost War. I forgot to ask him if he is related to actress Marissa Berenson. The man is major Ms. Gorgeous, and said he wants to come to the opening at Yerba Buena which is 2nite and see my installation, and also go to the gallery on Saturday for my performances.
Installing has been a grueling process. I have to put up something in a week that normally takes years. The staff of Yerba have been great, and everyone is so young and cute. The filipino security guards are even peppy and friendly. Hunky blue eyed Venezuelan artist Edmundo, who is part of the prep staff took me for lunch the other day, and we sat out in the sun chit chatting and having a great time. Edmundo has some lovely nalgas fresca.
Saw delightful Nao Bustamante who is performing with sexxx goddess Julie Atlas Muz at the gallery. Nao is a good time Sally, and i always have a blast with her. She is also doing an installation inspired by Sid and Marty Kroft of Lidsville and H.R. Puffnstff fame. That Nao, my mija is a girl genius. Most of the artists in the group show are here now. Talked with legendary Tammy Rae Carland of Mr. Lady Records, Swoon With Tennessee and a gaggle of spirited gals. Can't wait to see The Toxic Titties and LTTR, my homegirls.
O and Hector Martinez came up from Los Ang to assistant me, and without him i wouldn't have been able to mount this show, and also the stunning Spanish beauty and artist in her own right Paz, who has given me so many lovely suggestions, and handled all the difficult technicalities that makes a woman like me helpless.
Yes and before i forget, i got the chance to meet Tim Blue of Cheap's San Francisco long time love, who is an utter delight. Gotta run and grab breaky before heading to the gallery, and hopefully finishing installing so i can concentrate on my outfit for the opening that is from 7-11pm. TA!

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN LEGS
Flight from Berlin to awful Heathrow Airport was delayed a bit because of bad weather. Winter in Berlin has been mild this year, so of course it waits till spring to snow, hail, skeetch and sleet. Got an exit row from London to San Fran, thank god, but sitting behind me was the loudest most unruly child. Of course my luggage was lost, but my beautiful welcome crew consisting of Larry Bob from Holy Tit Clamps, and my cute young student intern Marc Arthur were there to shower me with flowers and a whole lot of love. The Yerba Buena put me up at the luxury hotel Le Meridian-a gorgeous suite with a king size bed in the Financial District. O and the weather is beyond perfection.
Got to spend a few days with hot and hunky ginger dream man Jeffreyland Hilbert, who treated me to new clothes,make-up, food and drinks, making me feel like the total woman that i am. Thank you Jefferkins for taking good care of this pathetic lady.
Got to finally meet Berin Golonu, the lovely, stylish young Turkish main curator at the Yerba Buena Art Center and she introduced me to hunky chief installer Justin who is tall, muscular and if i stand too close to him i will wind up preggers--he's that verile, so my type, though i am old enough to be his grandmother. Also a total babe is blondine "J" who also works on the installation crew along with a gaggle of other darling youthquakers: Paz De La Calzada, Jen Hing, Peter, Marc, Grace, Maria and uber Latin sensation Edmundo. I am sure i am not remembering everyones name, so i hope they forgive me. Also like to mention Miss Valerie, who has been very kind and helpful plus lovesexy Nick, who helped me with my honorarium and perdium, and a shout out to some of the artists who are in the show that i met,Taraneh Hemani,a very personable Persian beauty, vivacious Stephanie Syjaco and the efervescent Faith Wild. I promise to write more when i find a computer to use that isn't so slow as the one in the interns desk.