FARNSWORTHY COMPOST
Met up with the baby diaper, and Canadian musical auteur Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, who i swear gets more beautiful every time i see him. We had lunch at Tuffstein around the corner from the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Joel is as crazy as a loon, but that is why i adore him. Why are all Canadians absolutely mad? We went back to my studio, and i invited my new neighbor, the singer Billie Ray Martin over for some vino. Billie isn´t British like i thought, but is German, from Hamburg. She speaks such good English, and sings without an accent that i thought she was from England. Aren´t i dumb. Later Joel and i went to go meet the Tate Modern´s Stuart Comer who is in town for the Berlin Biennale. Stuart looked handsome, young and patrician. I hope he is sufficiently getting his gnut in England, he deserves it. He really is a sweet young man. We met at this gallery on a corner in Mehringdamm. I don´t know the name of the place, but its owned by a wealthy young American art fag, whose name escapes me. I guess the occasion was for the new Taschen book on Colin de Land of American Fine Arts Gallery. Colin and my best girlfriend Kembra Pfahler of the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black were lovers until Colin died of cancer. I heard from Mo. B. Dick that Kembra just had a big show at the Whitney. Congrats Kembra!
Joel and I arrived at the soiree very late as most people had left. Mr. Comer was with the handsome Japanese/American artist Dean Samashima, who lives nearbye. I feel protective of sweet little Dean. When he first moved to Berlin, he turned into a frantic party animule. He´s calmed down considerably. and is more the talented Dean i´ve always admired. There is something about him i have always found lovesexy and sublime. The boys went off to dinner, but being that the doll is an olde lady, i had to excuse myself to work on my text for my big museum show at Le Palais de Tokyo on Wednesday.

I DRINK IT ALL DAY
A lovely little note was left on my door by my downstairs neighbor who happens to be the famed British singer Billie Ray Martin of the massive hit from the 90s "Loving Arms" that was co-written by someone i recently collaborated with, David Harrow of Technova and James Hardway fame. Dave wrote the music for my only dance club hits "I Could Have Sex" and "My Pussy is a Cactus".
My landlord told Ms Martin i was living in the building, and she wrote me a sweet missive asking that i knock on her door, which i did, and we chatted briefly and i met her two cats. It was enchanting meeting the ducimet voiced songbird, and i wish we could have talked longer, but i had to run to meet designer Rick Owens and his ladylove Michele Lamy at their Hotel De Rome on Unter der Linden for drinks. I haven't seen Rick and Michele since 2003 when they left Los Angeles for Paris. They both looked great, and Michele is more gorgeous then ever. I've actually known her longer then Rick for something like over 25 years. They are in town for the Berlin Biennale. Shows you how much i know and care about the mechanations of the tired art world, as i didnt know that Berlin had a Biennale. I just go about my business producing work, whether anyone is interested in it or not, and all those Miami Basel artfairs and what nots, can just come and go about hithertither.

ENFIN VEUVE
Still getting lots of accolades via emug for my installation and performances in San Francisco at the Yerba Buena for the group show The Way That We Rhyme: Women, Art & Politics. Berin Golonu, the curator did an excellent job of putting together such a diverse group of feminist artists. Of course i am a woman trapped in the body of a woman. I wish i had more time to go through all the pieces individually, and completely meditate over them, but my time in San Francisco was such a whirl. I sincerely wanted to hang out with everyone who wanted to spend time with me, but unless you were able to physically stalk me at the hotel, then hijack me to breaky, lunch, brunch or dinner, it was just impossible to give everyone the time they deserved, and i don´t plan on being brought back to the west coast any time soon, all i can do is offer lame appologees, and hope you all understand.
Some other institutions have made inquiries, but of course i don´t take anything serious unless i have the travel itinery in hand, so we will see what happens. My Spring committments are stacking up in Europa. I will perform my performative lecture "Porno Adorno-F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks at the prestigious museum Le Palais de Tokyo in Paris France on Wednesday Feb 9th 7:30pm. Then i will be touring Austria with Cheap Blacky the performance piece directed by Bruce LaBruce that will make a pitstop at the Donau Festival at Stadsaal April 24,25 &26th and moving into May in Switzerland at the Gessneralle Theatre in Zurich May 1-3. I will teach some performance art workshops with the students of the Art School Weisensee May 20-23rd and perform with the K Records band The New Bloods on May 21st, and at the end of May its the final shows of Cheap´s Max und Moritz at Theatre aur de Parkaue June 1-3rd. More workshops with high school students June 21 and 22nd, and i´ve been invited to the Busan Biennale in South Korea in late August early September. Whew! its just too too much.
Got a call from designer Rick Owens who was recently profiled in a fantastic article in the New Yorker Magazine. He and his lady love,the great Michele Lamy will be in Berlin for a few days, so i hope to see them and catch up, as its been years.
Last night i attended a birthday soiree for Stefanie Schulte-Strathaus, the divine empress of Kino Arsenal who just turned 25, making her one of the youngest power women in Berlin. Daniel Hendrickson of Cheap along with beauty lady Nanna Heidenreich prepared some sumpteous Turkish lentil soup and dainties for the guests, and of course there was lots of drinking and frivolities in the air with a guest list that included film historian Marc Siegel and his child bride Susanne Sachße, Tim Blue with Jamaican concert pianist lover David, brother Kjohnny Blue, Angie Baby, Senol Sentürk, blondine star of the new flick The Red Baron, Matthias Schweighöfer, programmer Florian Wüst, the lovesexy and stylish curator La Maria Morata and mega important feminist filmmaker and scholar, Noll Brinckman whose ouvre will be out soon on DVD, through Arsenal Experimental. Legendary avantgard film guru Wilhelm Hein with his art photog gal pal, Annette Frick treated everyone to some gems from his personal collection on 16 millimeter including some shorts by the Kuchar Bros and Ethyl Eichenberger.

FASHION WEEK IN THE TUVA REPUBLIC
I was a bit apprehensive about returning to the states for a big institutional museum show. Especially since I haven't always fared well in the city by the Bay. But this trip has been divine! I loved my hotel suite at the Le Meridien, in the Financial District at Battery and Clay. It was in walking distance to the museum, and my room in the depths of the 20th Floor had a glorious view of the Bay Bridge and featured a California King sized bed that was beyond comfortable. I've never slept so well. Bought a lovely cheap pair of high heels at Foxy Lady on Mission at 22nd Street for the big opening night soiree. Thank you Paz for suggesting this boutique.
Hector Martinez, the Affleck Insurance Exec came up from LA to assist me with installing my Present Penicative installation, and i am so glad he did, as i really needed him. Hector was also my date to the gala opening where i arrived early, and hit the Donor VIP lounge to chow down on the free grub and dwinks.
Met the charming executive director of the Yerba, Kenneth Foster and his beau who is good friends with Professor Jose Munoz of NYU. William Lobkowicz and his wife Alexandra introduced themselves to me. The Lobkowicz' are Prague Royals who run the Princely Art Collection in the Czech Republic. We talked about the hot new book Daisy: The Life and Loves of the Countess of Warwick by Sushila Anand, which is what i was reading on the long plane ride from London to San Francisco. Didn't catch the names of all the socialites who chittle chatted me up as i held court, but i did have nice converse with Nancy Paasch, Ryan Scott, Ravi Kapur, Roland Passot, Australlian Consul-General David Lawson, Richard Cheng, Shotaro Kamio the famous chef of Yoshi's, adorable young illustrator Pietari Posti of Helsinki, handsome Mayor Gavin Newsome and philanthropist Mireille Schwartz.
I shamelessly flirted with Serbian tennis stars Novak Djokovic and Ana Ivanovic, booty pie teen star Jake McDorman and Balthazar "Betty" Getty. The frenzy of well wishers included Priscilla Hazelwood of Bogonious Creative, serene Ghislain de la Felaise, filmmaker Immanuel Martin, who gave me a copy of his latest flicker "Miyuki", Douglas Gordon with his pal Derrick, bubble butted Lawrence Roberts of Holy Tit Clamps fame, and sweet little Marc Arthur and his new fashion designer love interest who was creatively wearing a sleeping bag.
The Toxic Titties were on hand cleverly attacking the wealthy museum patrons with some hilariously staged antics. By 10:00 pm my new dogs were barking so i had to retire early, plus i had to be bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning for a day long series of events.
***
Was back at the Yerba Buena at 10am to get ready for my Salon, Bilitis: A Feminist Seperatist State(Somewhere in Palestine) My event was the first of the day, starting at noon at the aptly named Room For Big Ideas. A capacity crowd of lovely ladies attended, and the discussion was lively, spirited, and very intimate. It was so nice to see Heather and The Toxic Titty Girls, Lesbians to the Rescue, and juicy Xochitl Oliva and her sweet physician girlfriend in the audience. Lots of kisses to everyone who attended and shared, and for the wonderful staff who helped coordinate the dainties, mamosas and layout of the room so that it was nice and comfy for one and all.
At 2pm i ate my delicious little box lunch that was provided for me and by 4pm it was time for Colonize Me, my encounter performance for an audience of one man at a time. Shoutout to Matthew Rana who was the expert facilitator, and kept me on time and on schedule. All the males who participated were dear, considering they are all white, satan, lucifer devil men who will have to be killed during the revolution. I even got a few celebs in the mix like piercer to the stars Paul King and handsome 6'5 inch actor John Krasinski of the new George Clooney film Leatherheads and TV's The Office. It was nice having a one-on-one with a naked Mr. Krasinski, who is super fine, and extremely well endowed, but has a bit of a body oder problem. Not that i minded.
I finished at 6pm on the dot. Wanted to see Nao Bustamante and Julie Atlas Mus perform at 8pm, but i was wiped out. Hector treated me to a feast at Maxwell's near Union Square, i tripped walking back to the hotel and almost broke my neck, so that told me it was time for bed. The next day Larry Bob and his lover Tommy Boy who runs a ghostbusters organization and tour of the Haunted Haight area took us to luncheon at Tommy's Joynt, a delicious hoffbrau on Geary & Van Ness near the old hustler stomping grounds of Polk Street. We all carried on, laughing and hooting it up like old codgers, talking about cults like the vegetarian restaurant that Hector took me to earlier in the week at 9th and Market called Ananda Fuara.

PICK-UP ON SOUTH STREET
One of my fav Hollywood actors died-Richard Widmark. He was a whopping 93, and was related to my Afro Sisters "Pop That Cherry" Jefferson aka: Priscilla Hazelwood, whose auntie Jean Hazelwood was Widmarks first wife for 55 years till she died in 1997. Cherry and her filmmaker son Man Martin met me at my hotel a few days ago and took the doll for pupusas in The Mission District, which i have been craving. It was so good seeing them and catching up on our twisted lives.
I also met this handsome New York Times reporter named Alex Berenson who is in town promoting some book he wrote called The Ghost War. I forgot to ask him if he is related to actress Marissa Berenson. The man is major Ms. Gorgeous, and said he wants to come to the opening at Yerba Buena which is 2nite and see my installation, and also go to the gallery on Saturday for my performances.
Installing has been a grueling process. I have to put up something in a week that normally takes years. The staff of Yerba have been great, and everyone is so young and cute. The filipino security guards are even peppy and friendly. Hunky blue eyed Venezuelan artist Edmundo, who is part of the prep staff took me for lunch the other day, and we sat out in the sun chit chatting and having a great time. Edmundo has some lovely nalgas fresca.
Saw delightful Nao Bustamante who is performing with sexxx goddess Julie Atlas Muz at the gallery. Nao is a good time Sally, and i always have a blast with her. She is also doing an installation inspired by Sid and Marty Kroft of Lidsville and H.R. Puffnstff fame. That Nao, my mija is a girl genius. Most of the artists in the group show are here now. Talked with legendary Tammy Rae Carland of Mr. Lady Records, Swoon With Tennessee and a gaggle of spirited gals. Can't wait to see The Toxic Titties and LTTR, my homegirls.
O and Hector Martinez came up from Los Ang to assistant me, and without him i wouldn't have been able to mount this show, and also the stunning Spanish beauty and artist in her own right Paz, who has given me so many lovely suggestions, and handled all the difficult technicalities that makes a woman like me helpless.
Yes and before i forget, i got the chance to meet Tim Blue of Cheap's San Francisco long time love, who is an utter delight. Gotta run and grab breaky before heading to the gallery, and hopefully finishing installing so i can concentrate on my outfit for the opening that is from 7-11pm. TA!

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN LEGS
Flight from Berlin to awful Heathrow Airport was delayed a bit because of bad weather. Winter in Berlin has been mild this year, so of course it waits till spring to snow, hail, skeetch and sleet. Got an exit row from London to San Fran, thank god, but sitting behind me was the loudest most unruly child. Of course my luggage was lost, but my beautiful welcome crew consisting of Larry Bob from Holy Tit Clamps, and my cute young student intern Marc Arthur were there to shower me with flowers and a whole lot of love. The Yerba Buena put me up at the luxury hotel Le Meridian-a gorgeous suite with a king size bed in the Financial District. O and the weather is beyond perfection.
Got to spend a few days with hot and hunky ginger dream man Jeffreyland Hilbert, who treated me to new clothes,make-up, food and drinks, making me feel like the total woman that i am. Thank you Jefferkins for taking good care of this pathetic lady.
Got to finally meet Berin Golonu, the lovely, stylish young Turkish main curator at the Yerba Buena Art Center and she introduced me to hunky chief installer Justin who is tall, muscular and if i stand too close to him i will wind up preggers--he's that verile, so my type, though i am old enough to be his grandmother. Also a total babe is blondine "J" who also works on the installation crew along with a gaggle of other darling youthquakers: Paz De La Calzada, Jen Hing, Peter, Marc, Grace, Maria and uber Latin sensation Edmundo. I am sure i am not remembering everyones name, so i hope they forgive me. Also like to mention Miss Valerie, who has been very kind and helpful plus lovesexy Nick, who helped me with my honorarium and perdium, and a shout out to some of the artists who are in the show that i met,Taraneh Hemani,a very personable Persian beauty, vivacious Stephanie Syjaco and the efervescent Faith Wild. I promise to write more when i find a computer to use that isn't so slow as the one in the interns desk.

MULTIPLE PERSÖNLICHKEIT
More Asta all the time Tuesday evening at The Arsenal with Asta as Supermodel of the World, some sterling film fragments with Die Asta modeling a plethora of glamorous outfits in World War I Berlin, plus Das Eskimo Baby where Asta portrays a native girl of the North, who gets hooked up with a fey German riche boy. Hilarious hijinks result.
The Blue Bros, Tim and Kjohnny accompanied Das Eskimo Baby on Violin and Cello weaving a brilliant, sad refrain on the unpolitically correct proceedings. Its so lovely getting an opportunity to watch the Blues in high strategic command playing my favorite instruments chamber style.
Besides all the members of Cheap present dancer Jeremy Wade was at the screening, obviously looking for inspiration for a new project, as well as baby dyke musicians Sara & Tegan, actor Jürgen Vogel and his boy toy the British soap star Sean McGuire. After the audience was gone, curator Stefanie Schulte-Strathaus brought out some expensive pink champagne that was given to the program by the French Consulate and we all got tipsy munching on salty snax.
Friday i leave for San Francisco and the group show The Way That We Rhyme:Women, Art & Politix at the Yerba Buena Art Center. The opening is Friday March 28th 7-11pm, but i will be performing two different events on Saturday March 29th, a performative salon and rap session for women called "Bilitis-A Feminist State(Somewhere in Palestine) and another even more intimate happening for an audience of one-man-at-a-time called "Colonize Me" where you have to get naked, and have a personal accounter with la diva. For more info on all this please contact The Yerba Buena Art Center for the times and how you can take part in these misadventures.
***
Extra! Extra Read all about it.
This just in from Marc Siegel. Karola Gramann told him that the legendary French actress Jeanne Moreau was at the Cheap Gossip Studio installation hanging out and slowly going through the area, after her hommage screening in the nearbye CineStar Theatre. Karola was so in awe of her, that she followed the star from a discreet distance, and even rode the elevator with her. As usual, the names continue to trickle in about those who have come to my Cheap Gossip Studio.

SCHLAGEN SIE IHRE KINDER?
The return of Rising Stars, Falling Stars Sunday at Kino Arsenal was scintillating. The series took a two month hiatus during prep for the Berlinale, but came back in fine form as part of the monthlong tribute to the great Danish film star Asta Nielsen, with a screening of her 1913 comedic classic Engelein(The Little Angel) 1913accompanied by The Blue Bros. For those of you who inquired below is my introductory text:

Welcome to Rising Stars, Falling Stars our humble monthly performative inquiry saluting early cinema treats, avant garde dainties and experimetnal classiques all with a nod to the outsider ethos.
The first film i ever saw with the great Asta was G.W.Pabst´s The Joyless Street(Die Freudlose Gasse, 1924 in Los Angeles at the UCLA Film Archive. From that moment on i became an ardent Asta submissive, and vassel to her almighty will and power. 2 nite in fact i no longer want to be Vaginal Davis, continental film hostessa, but i want to transform myself into the faithful Josefine, the famed confidant, personal assistant, servant and valiant protector of die Asta at the old Nero Film Studios.
Yes, this is a performative evening, so lets stretch into the Anarchy of the Imagination, and create a lesbian seperatist/feminist utopia of genius feminine psychology. That is how i like to see the important ouvre of Die Asta in all its hallowed glory. Just think of the all encompassing possibilities.
I quote Greta Garbo, "In terms of expression and versatility, I am nothing compared to her." Bela Bela´zs, film theorist,"When our first dictionary of the language of gesture has been compiled with the help of cinematography, only then can the expressive treasure of Asta Nielsen be appreciated." And from the diary of Louise Brooks who followed Asta´s portrayal of Lulu in Die Büchse der Pandora 1919 directed by Arzen Von Cserepy and again in 1923 in Erdgeist(Lou Lou) directed by Leopold Jessner which screens here at the Arsenal on April 10th.
"The solicitious Josefine, who worked for Asta Nielsen, and knew she was the greatest actress in the world, but still came to love me tenderly as the worlds worst acress"

Seen partaking in the blue nectar of the gods after the screening: The wonderful Heide Schlüpmann and dapper Karola Gramann of Kinotech Asta Nielsen, who will be bringing Die Asta to Israel and the States, sex god Ulrich Ziemons of The Forum with a sumpteous posse of uber hottie associates, Felix Klave with Gallic actress Sophie Marceau in cognito, cutie pie art student Joana Coppi, visiting artist from Harlem, Wayne Hodge, juicy Danish Zoo Magazine scribe Travis Jeppeson with hunky, big footed Slovakian beau Mario, post birthday girl Anna Muelter of The Hebbel Theatre, Nanna Heidenreich who brilliantly decorated the Rote foyer with wallpaper images of Die Asta with her galpal Angie Baby, Cheap´s luscious Susanne Sachße, with Daniel Hendrickson, and distinguished film historian Marc Siegel, artist Jürgen Mau,Cheap intern Julius Bauer, film programmer Florian Wuest, influential lesbian curator Hildegard Westbeldt, humpy blondine teutonic actor Max Riemelt, Arsenal founders and the Royal First Family of German Cinema The Gregors, underground film guru Wilhelm Hein with girlfriend and famed photog Annette Frick back from a retrospective in South America, Austrian poet Sissy Spanks, Gertrude Koch, the founder along with Heide Schlüpmann of the feminist film journal Frauen und Film, DJ Mathieu Schreyer aka: Mr. French, Arsenal curating empress Stefanie Schulte-Strathaus and new Parisian "It girl" checking out the Berlin scene Marie Duplessis.

NORDPOLEN
The other day i was looking at one of the collage images on the wall of my Cheese Endique Trifecta art studio, and i got all sentimental over a goodlooking boy i use to be close to named Alfredo Botello. Of course Alfie isn't a boy anymore, he must be in his mid 30s these days, married with a couple of kids.
Back in 2004 i ran into one of Alfie's pals named Travis, who went with him to Loyola, the famed Jesuit Prep School located in mid city LA. Loyola caters to all the riche old money families and elites. The school just happens to be located in a very poor section of the city which is quite ironic. Travis grew up in Hancock Park, one of the toniest areas of LA, and his father committed suicide when he was young. When i ran into Travis i hadn't seen him in 20 years, he looked almost the same, with a bit of middle aged spread, and he seemed a little meloncholy. He was a lawyer, and told me that he and Alfie almost came to my Bricktops New Year's Eve bash back in 2002. They saw a big write-up for it in the LA Weekly. I wish they had come.
Travis said that Alfie was writing screenplays for Hollywood films, but still lived in the Bay Area. The last time i had talked to Alfie in the mid 90s, he had given up his career as an architect, and was managing a trendy bar in Oakland owned by one of his wealthy prep school pals. Alfie wasn't from a rich family and attended prep school on scholarship, similar to the way i attended Choate back in the late
70s. I was told from another one of Alfie's friends, that his wife looks exactly like me, only she is a white woman. I miss Alfie, but i guess he doesn't want to stay in contact with me as it probably weirds him out. When i have my museum show soon in San Francisco, i wonder if he will know about it. Oh well, if we are meant to rekindle our romantic Brideshead Revisited friendship it will happen without my forcing it.
I also came across a picture of Lobotomy, a beautiful 18 year old blond punk boy i met in the mid 80s, who had one of the thickest, longest, most beautiful penises I've ever had the pleasure of playing with. Lobotomy lived with his German immigrant father who owned a junkyard in East LA. The poor cluck couldn't read or write so i taught him using Bud Schulberg's What Makes Sammy Run? A few years later i also taught this hunky neo Nazi skinhead from the Hollywood skin gang The Ladz, who use to prey upon faggots in Hollywood, beat and rob them, how to do exquisite pastels. Lobotomy later wound up toothless, living on the streets after his father died, i would see him wandering about Koreatown, and he still had that great bone structure in his face, and a sensationally lean body. The nazi kid started to get a bit of attention for his paintings after i gave him a show at my Hag Gallery. Art in America even ran a two page spread of his work in 1987, but he wound up getting killed in a drug deal gone bad after hooking up with some miserable olde salty dog.
At least they both wound up with some knowledge of the beauties of art.

UNSA FÜSIEGLEHRA
Cooked a four course meal for Anna Muelter's birthday at the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Came out quite good if i do say so myself, but i wish i had the proper pots, pans and utensils for cooking a meal. I'm so sick of being all 32 cents.
Handsome Joel Gibb, the baby diaper of the Canadian church punk band The Hidden Cameras also came over for my ghetto gourmand feasty. That crazy Canucky Joel, is always good for a million laughs, he is a true card carrying freakazoid. After dinner Anna drove me to the Sudkreuz where i was able to electronically pick up a DHL birthday package from the states, sent to me by New York Times Style Editor Guy Trebay. The patrician Mr. Trebay sent me a Kimora Lee Simmons collector Barbie doll, which i got quite a kick out of. Miss Simmons is the exotic former model, who is mixed with black and Japanese, and use to be married to Rap mogul Russell Simmons, but they recently divorced, and now she is hooked up with the handsome, muscular Oscar nominated actor Djmon Honsue, who is quite a hot catch, much better then icky Russell Simmons. Kimora is a deliciously tacky nouvyriche blasian. I don't know why i am going on about her, she's really not THAT interesting.
Later in the evening Anna, Joel and i met up with Bob Nickas, the former editor of Index Magazine, who is now with Art Forum, and his cute bougy French pal Guiullame. We trolled several natty hustler bars in Nollendorky Platz, like The El Dorado and Blue Boy Lounge. It was great seeing Bob, and catching up with him. I hope he was able to score some MDMA or whatever illicit narcotic he was in the mood for. Being that i have never been a druggy, i wasn't able to help him in that regard.
***
A few nights later Wayne Hodge, the sweet young black artist from Harlem came by the Cheese Endique Trifecta and showed me some of his video work, photo collages, and documentation of performances. He has done some expert homages saluting legendary black entertainers like Bert Williams and Josephine Baker, and he adores the silent cinema, so we had a lot in common. It was a nice evening of colored girls who have considered suicide when the rainbow ain't enuf.
On NPR Berlin i heard a review of Donita Sparks of L7's latest musical project called Donita Sparks and the Stellar Moments. I've always loved Donita. This new band also features Dee Plakas, who use to drum for L7. I wonder if Dee still has that hot boyfriend, who was such a sizzle back in the old days. I go way back with Missy Donita, all the way back to the 80s and my group The Afro Sisters and her first band The Shrews. God love the memories.
***
Oh pick up a copy of the latest issue of The New Yorker Magazine, that i think is on the newstands in the states. There is a profile of Paris based designer Rick Owens where they quote me i am told. I am one of the few people who knows Rick since the 1980s. The guy who interviewed me was quite nice. Glenn Belverio of New York emugged me that my quotations were a laugh riot.

DIE ZEIT DIE BLEIBT
Grand Opening of Asta Nielsen Retrospektive at Kino Arsenal witha large crowd of devotees, despite the transit strike. Luckily i am in walking distance to Potsdamer Platz, as my bike is on the blink.
Felt fortunate to see the fragments from The Film Prima Dona 1913, and The Abyss 1910 with accompaniment by Ms. Maud Nelissen. Asta Nielsen was certainly way ahead of her time in regards to her film acting technique and overall style, and screen presence. She certainly is an early feminist heroine, and even exudes a dykish moxy that is very sustained and lovesexy.
Another treat of the evening was seeing a short subject from the early 1970s featuring the elderly Ms. Nielsen with her much younger husband, which proves that there is hope for us old gals yet.
Seen shining brightly, the lovely Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, the hardest working woman in Berlin, and experimental film czarina, The Nanna Heidenreich clan with gal pal Angie Baby, Tim & Kjohnny Blue and Daniel Hendrickson of kollective Cheap, it girl Anna Muelter, French cinema hungthrob Melvil Poupaud with Italo auteur Nanni Moretti, handsome and lean Uli of The Forum, composer Eunice Martin, visiting artist Wayne Hodge from Harlem, film curating genius Karola Gramann, and dorky young Mark Zuckerberg of Facebook, awkwardly courting la diva Vaginal Davis and her horrendous thunder thighs.

OHNE SEINEN NEUEN SCHNULLER KRIEG ICH IHN NICHT INS BETT
After Berlinale was over i got a little sore throat that didnt last long, but then my re-occuring knee problems reared its ugly head, making it difficult to walk, when that started to fade, i really got my black ass kicked with a stomach virus that had me projectile excrementing and vomiting at the same time. i have never felt so sick in my holy life. My apartment is till more of a vomitorium then flat. I am feeling much better now and can actually eat solid foods.
I guess getting this bug that has been trolling around Berlin since December was like having a free high colonic, and i did lose some inches around the waisteline, but what a way to diet. I certainly don't need to pattern my life after an Olsen Twin.
Its confirmed i will be at Le Palais de Tokyo in Paris France on April 9th with Porno Adorno, F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks. Le Palais is one of the few hip performance spaces in France. Everything else is just too dreary and institutional.
I've also been invited to the Busan Biennale in South Korea, that takes place in September of this year. Hopefully i will meet a hunky Korean boy who will turn me into his kimchi concubine.

EVERYBODY WANTS A CHEAPY
For all of you thalwarts who keep emailing me wanting to know who won the highly coveted Cheapy Award,here is some of the text for the 1st Annual Cheapy handed out at the Berlinale Film Festival at the Gossip Studio. More information on the winners will be forthcoming.

The Jack Smith Life as Art CHEAPy Underground Uber Alles Award.
This Award acknowledges the necessity of being exotic, creative, and bewitching in daily life whether engaging in the banal or the exceptional. For CHEAP
Evelyn Evi Russler
is a model of inventive, artistic living.

We cite just one example that of course can't even begin to address the multi-faceted charms of this budding filmmaker and cultural savant, but we hope it will elucidate one aspect of her life-affirmative presence and her inspirational savvy.

One night when the deliciously inebriated Evi
was riding home from a CHEAP event with the helmet-less DJ Nancy on her motorcycle, she was stopped by the cops and arrested. Taken to prison and strip searched, Evi nevertheless managed, with cunning charm, to hide and retain the contraband.

Ladies and Gentleman, the Jack Smith Life as Art CHEAPy Underground Uber Alles Award goes to Evelyn Evi Russler

***

The Thelma Ritter Firecracker CHEAPy Underground über Alles Award for interminable devotion to the preservation, presentation, and fornication of gilded images. This CHEAPy recognizes that in a subterreanean world of fishhooks and crustaceans, careerists and clapitalists, the determination to keep going and stay filmically afloat requires something like superhuman strength and an overstimulated sense of humor.

For CHEAP
Jerry Tartaglia
is a flaming example of dedicated film restoration and presentation.
Together with the Plaster Foundation (that is, Penny Arcade and J. Hoberman)—to whom this CHEAPy is also extended—Jerry Tartaglia saved the filmic legacy of Jack Smith from the scum of Atlantis and the normativity of family and fiends. Filmmaker, teacher, man about town, Jerry Tartaglia has selflessly set aside his own ecce-homerotic film fantasias in order to heed the siren’s call from beyond the grave to splice, dice, and thrice the pricelesss oeuvre of Assyrian splendor, known as the filmic performances of Jack Smith. By offering himself up on the Judas Cradle of celluloid subservience, Jerry Tartaglia has offered the five worlds the secret key to lofty living.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Thelma Ritter Firecracker CHEAPy Underground über Alles Award goes to Jerry Tartaglia.

ZWEI WÖRTER MÖCHTE ICH IN DIESER KLASSE NICHT MEHR HÖREN
I am run down and exhausted from the 10 days of The Berlinale Film Festival, and the Cheap Gossip Studio living installation. I am fighting not getting a cold with a pesky scratchy throat. The Cheapies took me to a fancy birthday dinner at this lovely Austrian restaurant in Kreuzberg, and showered "the doll" with many fantastic gifts, also present were Anna Muelter, Cheap Blacky Production Coordinator. Anna is the girl who handles everything for Cheap, so that we don't have to worry about a thing. Anna bought her little Ms. Davis some nice birthday treats and bath products, that i need to keep me from being too stinky. Empress Stefanie of Kino Arsenal really surprised me early in the morn with flowers delivered right to my Cheap Endique Trifecta doorstep, along with French Champagne, and gorgeous,delicate Japanese linen table napkins. Fearlesss leader of Cheap, Suzi Su and her 14 year old twins Salome and Richard picked out some divine earrings, one pair made out of mink gonads, and another exact replicas from the Elizabeth Taylor film Boom. Tim Blue made me a special erotic film short in his incredible style that features some very large footed and bick dique thickerous men, Danny Hendrickson gave me some raunchy Italian blue movies featuring hunky men who take seminal emissions to new heights, and Marcu Siegel as a film historian gave me copies of some cinema treats perfect for my cineaste library. Making the din din table extra special was John Blue, Nanna Heidenreich, with girlfriend Angie Baby and Cheap set designer and expert facilitator Senol with his sultry Turkish bedroom eyes.

FREE RANGE BERLINALING
The Forum under the gracious auspices of Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, the most powerful woman in Berlin, took us Cheapies to a grand luncheon at Diekmanhaus, where we feasted on roast beef and many mucho macho courses of gourmand delicacies. It was the first real meal i have had since the festival began.
Sad to report that the Gossip Studio wasnt the complete Rolling Stone Freezone i hoped for. Alas Bill Wyman, who looks like an albino hotentoten was hanging at our circular bar, and everywhere else at the festival, like the Forum party where Tim & Kjohnny Blue along with the Filipino contingent, and Ibadette of Super 700 performed. I was too exhausted to go there, but i was fortunate enough to catch a screening of John Torres multi-screen enamorata, Years When I Was a Child Outside(Family Multi Channel) The Blue Bros once again accompanied the hip Flips with live music that was extroidinary, for a film that was sublime.
Talk about tacky celebs coming to the gossip studio. At our last Cheapy Underground Uber Alles award ceremony, Bruce Darnell, the Rupaul doppelganger, and euro TV fashion ickspurt, was lurking about looking very confused by our living, breathing installation.
Also got to go to Hamburger Bahnoff to see Suzi Su of Cheap perform as part of Heinz Emigholz´ The Basis of Make-up. Of course Suzi was brilliant, and looked ravishing, much better then Tilda Swinton, who was macking with her very young boyfriend, i still adore Tilda who had two flickers in the festival. Mr. Wyman was also in the house, along with Lior Shamriz, Mr. Emigholz' swarthy young Israeli cameraman, Ms. Cloe of Reichenbergerland, Nanna "hot butt" Heidenreich, Forum Expanded intern Christian F, lovely Uli, Evi Rüssler, Annette Frick, Wilhelm Hein, artist Maggie Schneider, Karola Gramann of Kinotech Asta Nielsen, and former director of Oberhausen.
The living doll Vaginal Davis will be hosting another Rising Stars, Falling Stars as part of the Asta Nielsen retrospektacle on March 16th at Kino Arsenal before she heads off to San Fran for her Yerba Buena performances and installation so no more Black woman from March 22 till April 1st. Actually looking forward to returning to the states for a while. Its been over a year since i last set foot in my own country.
Also met Kelly Parker, the Cal Arts girl who directed South Main, about a group of Section 8 ladies in South Central LA, my old stomping grounds. The docu was a nice talking head piece, you can´t go wrong when you gather a bunch of funkytown women with ill hairdos and let the camera roll.
Got a dozen emails from people wanting to know about the premiere of Judy LaBruce´s Otto. I´ve been so crazed i forgot that i didnt write about it. In a nut shell: I really liked Judy´s latest opus, it isn´t the Raspberry Reich, which benefited from the influence of Dusan Makavejev´s WR Misterije Organizma, and of course the stellar lead of Susanne Sachße, but it also shows a new maturation of old laBrucian. James Carmen his cinematographer, has made the film look major Ms. Gorgeous Douglas Slocumbe visual treat. Otto is similar to Super 8 1/2 in its layered structure. Super was way too long, but i feel Otto should have been longer. I only caught a glimpse of the great Kembra Phfahler, and that was a shame as she should have been utilized more, same thing with the sizzling lesbianic relationship between Katharina Klewinghaus and Lulu doppelganger Susanne Sachße in silent movie drag. The lesbian couple were more interesting to me, then the cute gay boys played by twinkette juicemonger Gio Black Peter, and fetching lead Jey Crisfar, and i also was needing me more from hot brother of the dyke filmmaker, and zombie domestic partners in crisis, played by Christophe Chemin and Marcel Schlutt. Otto is certainly a transition work for Bruce, and i can´t wait to see which direction he will take to in the near future. 47 Shtars!!!!!

ZUM GREIFEN NAH
Everyone eventually winds up spending lots of time at the Gossip Studio. Ran into Kirsten from Outfest, met peppy Melissa, of Chicks on Speed, James Benning, (Sadie´s filmmaker father)both father and daughter are now teaching at The California Institute of the Arts. Speaking of Cal Arts got a sweet emug from Nicole Panter, who taught writing at the Valencia campus for many years. The wonderful Ms. Panther, who is also known as a famous punk rock princess, and manager of The Germs, is living in New Mexico, where she is bored out of her skull.
Was introduced to Derek Jarmen´s former producer James McKay, who will be teaching at the San Francisco Art Institute in the spring, and i spent a bit of time chatting with silver fox director Michel Audair of the Zanzibar Group, whose young producer Ethan is a major babe with a red tight body---Ouch! Mr. Audair was quite a hunk in his younger days scoring the cream of the underground crop like Viva, and also having whorgies with the likes of Jane Fonda, Roger Vadim, Sharon Tate and Roman Polanski.
I´ve been able to watch more films this year, as we have more student interns working the installation leaving us quality time to concentrate on our proper hosting duties. Our interns are an international crop of pre-pubescent beauty pies representing Switzerland, Spain, Turkey, Hungary, France and Italy. One of the boys, Clement is a square jawed philosophy student, who is driving all the lecherous faggots who come to our circular bar wild with desire.
I was able to watch the experimental shorts program that featured a touching film by Marie Losier profiling Mike Kuchar, and my colleguen Tim Blue had two movies- Waters Memory and Happiness For One Day that featured the lovely fearless leader of Cheap Susanne Sachße, in splendid voiceover, and music by Tim, and his younger brother Kjohnny.
Tim´s good friend Paul Rowley co-directed an experimental documentary with Nicky Gogan called Seaview about assylum seekers living in his native Ireland. This is one very important work, and had me literally crying in my seat---its that beautiful, and the talk on the street is its the best film in the entire festival.
The other night we presented a Cheapy Underground Uber Alles Award to Jerry Tartaglia, and after the award ceremony the art band Ruth Fischer performed an impromptu set that was quite the Horton´s hoot. No one in Cheap has gotten laid at the festival, but Lauren, a hot Canadian dyke filmmaker, part of the Cheap/Arsenal extended family managed to score some puddy. Bravo heroine!
I did meet a young, extremely attractive law student by the name of Michael, who has been coming to a lot of my performances in Berlin for many years, and we sat around the bar drinking and talking for hours which was sublime.

AND THE AWARD GOES TO THELMA RITTER
Sunday we gave away the first Cheapie Underground Uber Alles Awards recognizing the best talents in outsider arts. After the Berlinale is over i will post the names and categories of all the winners. Sunday was a tough 14 hour day, thank god the weather has been springlike and aboundant. The gossip studio was invaded by throngs of photographers and media film crews because of a special interview on the gossip studio stage conducted by Marc Siegel of Cheap with poet Patti Smith and Fassbinder actress Irm Hermann. Patti and Irm are in the African Twin Towers installation by Christoph Schlingensief. All the cat walks in the Sony Center were jam packed with the multitudes trying to get a glimpse of the two stars. Later all the commotion was repeated with Isabella Rossellini and Guy Maddin(Guy's new film My Winnipeg is even better then Brand Upon the Brain with old time star Ann Savage playing his mother), during their reception in the Gossip Studio. Guy introduced me to Isabella, i had actually met her years ago when she was married to David Lynch, and they bought the LLoyd Wright house in Los Feliz Village from William Waldron, my ex-paramour. But i didnt feel it was appropriate to go into all that. Isabella looked gorgeous, she´s put on a few pounds from her model days, but it just adds to her overall appeal. Her installation Green Porn which is part of the Gossip Studio, is really the big crowd pleaser second only to our circular bar. If that wasn´t enough yesterday Udo Kier stopped by with the great music filmmaker Peter Sempel. Udo is also in the Schlingensief installation, and wasn´t aware that i had moved from LA to Berlin. It was great seeing him, and he looked amazing, with those mesmerizing eyes of his.
Tonight is the premiere of Otto, the Bruce La Bruce political zombie flick, i am very excited as i have only seen a rough cut, and i´m anxious to view the finished product.

THE TRUTH ABOUT SPRING
Just checked emails after 5 days, and of course everyone is angry that i haven´t written anything more about the Berlinale. Well the Cheap Gossip Studio is a living, breathing installation, and creating it takes its toll on me, add high heels and a famous houseguest, in the illustrious form of the Love Camel(Andrea Novarin) from London´s British Film Institute, and like Tiffany Middlesex, the snaggletooth drag denmother of The Stripes, my last nerve is being worked overtime.
The gala opening of the Gossip Studio was granada with a cavalcade of the very brightest elementals, beginning with sexy underground film legendinas Sherrie Milner and Ernie Larson, teen poet Travis Jeppeson with his beautiful 14 year old Slovakian lover Mario,the Canuckian contingent of Bruce LaBruce with dapper Wayne Baerwaldt, baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, Noam "Alan Ginsberg" Gonick with his pretty Polish childbride, the incredible Peaches, looking absolutely divine, and The Canadian Cultural Attache.
Was personally introduced to Gina of the wild teutonian band Cobra Killer, that i´ve heard so much about, and got a chance to exchange gossip with lovegod DJ Snax, juicy Sheila Chipperfield, the British DJ who use to play bass for Elastica, who comes from a famous circus/carnival family,France´s Nouvelle Vague, Ibadette and Mickey One of the Super 700 who brought along their celebrity lawyer, which is very rock shtar, looking everybit like french rockers dreamy filmmaker Marie Losier and her bubbly beau Sebastian, writer Tim Stüttgen who is doing a profile on Judy LaBruce, and The Vaginal Doll for Der Spiegel, which is like the German newsweek, Felix Grimm from Cheap Club at Podeville,Kreutzberg sweetie pie Anna Muelter of HAU, downtown New York demigod John Hayes with Berlin royal Zazie de Paris, Yusof, the Israeli guru who heads the cult of art fag phallic worship at Basso, pretty boy Ulli of the Forum and his cute eastern bloc girlfriend, Greek underground film curator Vassily Bourakas, art photog Annette Frick with boyfriend Wilhelm Hein, Christoph Chemin who designed a sublime poster for Otto, Up With Dead People,Vanessa Kuhlmann the Balzac Coffee heiress with her rock photo journalista husband Jameel Khaja, Nick Klose and his beau who runs the trendy weenager club Berlin Hilton,Jerry Tartaglia with his lovely assistant Sean Kirk, actor Mario Adorf, Irish filmmakers Paul Rowley and Nick Gogan whose film is being taunted as the best pic in the entire festival, Evi Rüssler, Nico, Aljoscha and Kim of b books, Toby Rauscher of Salzgeber Editions, named after Manfred Salzgebar who founded the Panorama Section of the Berlinale, cute Arsenal intern Wiebke Stadler with her hunky boyfriend Jonas Alexander of Forum Delphi, Claudia Mauti of the Gay & Lesbico Festival of Milano, and of course Tan Bihn Nguyen who not only did my make-up and hair but also styled me and Susanne Sachße, and we looked incredible, if i do say so myself, and i do.
Thats all i have time for now, but i promise to write about Isabella Rossellini, Guy Maddin and Patty Smith all coming by the Gossip Studio on the same day, and the mayhem that insued.

ODINGA
The Berlinale is finally here! Our colors for the Cheap Gossip Studio this year, in the Silver Filmhaus are peach and grey, special thanks & kissies to uber hottie Senol, and his slap happy Kreutzberg crew. We are on schedule for a change, but that doesn´t mean we´ll avoid both major and minor disasters.
Went to an art preview at the Wilde Gallery in icky Mitte to see "Wildflowers of Manitoba" by Noam "Allen Ginsburg" Gonick and Luis Jacobs curated by the blonde Winnipig muscle studkin Wayne Baerwaldt of Plug In Institute of Contemporary Art. I adore the handsome, patrician Mr. Baerwaldt, who was responsible for the celebrated Beck/Al Hansen Playing With Matches Exhibit that toured the Universe in the
late 90s, that i played hostess with mostess on her hairyeyeballs to. Wayne also goes way back with my #1 Canuckian lady, that genius Glen Meadmore.
The hippy/dippy Bohdi Tree, Radical Faerie inspired installation featured a live young boy in a geodomic pup tent. The white kid was kindof cute in a drum circle like way, but would have looked better minus the dreadlocked Sigmund and the Seamonster tendrils.
Gallerist Peter Wilde, was sweet and personable, and a big fan of Cheap Blacky. Seen cavorting about: Empress Stefanie of Kino Arsenal and the Berlinales Forum Expanded with Nanna Heidenreich and her infamous derriere, gorgeous Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras with his silver foxxx beau, Weiland Speck of Panorama, crazysexycool Tim Blue with humpy skier Felix Neureuther, and my new, pretty 15 year old intern Christian of Bavaria.
The Gossip studio hasn´t even opened, but there is already a Berlinale scandale, namely those crusty dinosaurs The Rolling Stones. These hideous creatures flew seperately to the Berlinale, in their ozone defiling private jets with 500+ sychophants, hangers on, 8 year old girlfriends and trophy concubines.
Why Martin Scorcece would make a movie about them is a mystery to me. But the big wigs of the festival aren´t allowing the fun people inside the gala opening party this year to partake in all the fancy free food and liquor. Shame,shame, shame on the Berlinale for kowtowing to dull celebrity.
Luckily the Gossip Studio will be a Rolling Stone, Madonna Free zone. McDonna is probably angry that i talked Rachel Weiss out of being in her new movie. If i had known that Gogol Bordello frontman Eugene Hutz was going to be in it, i would have talked him out of it as well.
I only hope that Patty Smith will come by the Gossip Studio. Scarlette Johansen already emailed me that she will stop by on Sunday for the opening of Isabella Rossellini´s installation Green Porn.

GLORIA VON THURN UND TAXIS
Yes the crazy German prinzessin was a fun loving wild woman in the 1980s, and someone i hung out with in the LA and New York club scenes. I didn't realize at the time that she was indeed a real honest to goodness royal. i thought that people just called her a princess because she was so grand. Shows you how naive i was when i was a weenager.
Gloria emailed me recently, and she will be in Berlin with her children Albert, Elisabeth and Maria Theresia, so i told her that she has to come by the kollective Cheap Gossip Studio at the Filmhaus Atrium of Kino Arsenal during the Berlinale. Seeing her again is going to be a hoot.
***
Ibadette and Mickey One of Super 700 came by my Cheese Endique Trifecta art studio the other day along with the artist formerly known as Davide Grassi, now going by the name of Janez Jansa, and his lovely wife Marcela. We all had a wonderful time, laughing it up, and kicking off our big white Nina Blanchard panties. Iba and Mickey went over with me some of their lyrics for songs on their new album. They both speak English really good, but aren't native speakers so they wanted my Amerikanese perspective. Davide aka: Janez gave me all the poop on his being kicked out of the Transmedia Exhibition, then brought back in, when the organizers and guest curator got caught in a major liar,liar pants on fire. So typical with art institutions. The great downtown New York legend Penny Arcade says that if you work for an art institute, get a good salary with benefits, and don't devote your life exclusively to serving artists, that you should kill yourself. I heartily agree.

The musician and filmmaker of kollective Cheap, Tim Blue puts it this way:
Arts in our conservative era must either be decorative in a way that reflects the narcissistic face of art history, or ironically distant from its alleged subject matter, or stripped of any real threat to what constitutes a definition of art given to it by curators that are more concerned with keeping and climbing up careers that are given to them by government institutions that really are not interested in changing or examining ANYTHING at all.
I second that gemotion!
***
Was intereviewd by John Colapinto for the New Yorker Magazine, who is doing a profile on Paris based designer Rick Owens, who designed the costumes for Cheap Blacky and Otto-Up With Dead People. I guess i am one of the few people who has known Rick since the mid 1980s.
Mr. Colapinto is also the author of the nonfiction tome "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl"

PORTRAIT DÚNE ENFANT DÉCHUE
Dinner with teen hungthrobs Travis Jeppeson and Mario Dzurila at their large Moabite lovenest. Mario is quite the gourmand and made a Slovakian ghoulash that was killer. Then they both took turns filling all my still hungry holes with potent youthquaking splooge. Just kidding, i wanted to see if you were paying attention.
Actually the boys gave me a copy of the poetry book Poems I Wrote While Watching TV, that they put out on their small press Blatt Books, that has offices in Prague and New York. The Plathian poetry is by Travis, graceful illustrations by Jeremiah Palecek with the overall brilliant book design by little Mario. Ah to be so young and talented, Mario celebrates his 15th birthday on Wednesday, while Travis turns 17 this year. For all you hornpigs out there in cyberland who are obsessed with Travis and Mario from reading about them in this here blog, stop trying to figure out ways to break them up as a couple, so that you can get your filthy paws on them. They are wildly in love, and cant´t keep their hands off each other. When they do have threegy´s and fourgy´s its with other young, super smart, literary type boys, and they are not interested in you lecherous Allen Ginsbergs who keep emailing me for their personal contact information. Some of you are just shameless.
***
Went to Baby Diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras 25th birthday party at his cool flat in Prenzleberg, lots of luminaries including Kele Okereke of the British band Bloc Party who i saw at the Steam Sauna a few days ago, film historian Marc Siegel with ladylove Susanne Sachße of Cheap who stars in Bruce La Bruce´s latest film Otto, Up With Dead People that scandalized the Sundance Film Festival, and will probably do the same at the Berlinale. Pretty Emka Rosenbrock of Style Magazine, silver fox Weiland Speck of the Panarama section of the Berlinale, director Wolfgang Eißler, cute skaterboi Sebastian of MTV Germany,and the Super Norweigans from Oslo who did this wild and madcap 8 hour production of Ibsen´s Ghost recently in Scandanavia, that would be perfect for Berlin, hopefully at the HAU.
***
I got an email from the hot hunky, Slovenian artist formerly known as Davide Grassi, now going by the name Janez Jansa, along with two other comrades they have taken the name of the right wing leader as part of a massive political art project. They were invited to Berlin´s Transmediale Festival at Haus de Kulturen der Welt, then unceremoniously uninvited right before their performance, and given some lame excuse by the festival director Stephen Kurats and guest curator Natasa Petresin-Bachelez. Now if this isn´t a scandal i don´t know what is. I will give you more info as i receive it.

WRITTEN ON THE WIND
One of Kembra´s sweet young artist friends Naomi, and her cute, lanky beau are in Berlin on a residency in the hauteur suburb of Dalem. They came over to my Cheese Endique Trifecta studio for a visit a few days ago and i had a lovely time with them.
***
After a Cheap Gossip Studio Berlinale meeting, i hurried to HAU 1 with Fearless leader Suzi, Marcu and Anna Muelter to see Big Art Group from New York. For years i´ve heard about them with lots of people giving praises to an earlier piece called "Flicker" as being clever and wildly entertaining. The new work Cinema Fury: The Imitation, hosts an impressive array of downtown luminaries like the exquisite Justin Bond of Kiki & Herb fame, sultry and sensuous rock goddess Theo Kogan of The Lunachicks, Long Dong Sean Pierce of queer metalites The Toilet Boys, and everyones favorite party girl, the enchanting Viva Ruiz. With a cast like that i was expecting a scintillating evening of riotous Manhattan moxy.
From the promo material the proceedings were to be somewhat of a take on Douglas Sirk, the melodramatic director of mid century classix like Magnificent Obsession and Immitation of Life. What i saw seemed more influenced by the German blue movie company Cazzo, and its Berlin Techno Dreams with Leigh Bowery enfluenced costuming via San Francisco´s Trannyshack.
Perhaps this production is a work-in-progress, and is still being shaped and fine tuned.

LOVE IS COLDER THEN DEATH
The Return of Ruth Fischer, my art rock band with kollective Cheap, and Mickey&Ibadette of Super 700 was a resounding success at the Re-Education event at Hau 2 Saturday evening. We opened the show with our short set, and i came up with the idea of our lovesexy costumes, wearing pantyhose as body stockings that each individual member could accessorize to suit their personality crisis. Its all about availabism, making use of what´s readily available. We looked good up on that stage, even though we are all hardly teenagers. Thank god we only perform once a year. You have to retain some sort of dignity when you´re long on the proverbial tooth. I did get a little carried away at the end of the set, with an impromptu shrimping.
From all the feedback I´ve gotten, the song "The Love Camel" is a definate hit parader. 100 paying customers had to be turned away, those who got in included: handsome art photog Ashkan Sahihi(The Cum Series),Paris "It" boy now relocated to Berlina, Christophe Chemin, beautifull Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, producer Mark Ronson, swarthy writer Titus Müller, hair hoppers Tan Bihn Nguyen & Armin Morbach, playboy socialite Patrick von Faber-Castell, stars of the Ian Curtis film Control-Alexandra Maria Lara, Sam Riley, academic hottie Nicole Wolfe with Empress Stefanie of the Arsenal, Nanna Heidenreich and her Angie Baby, Turkish love god Senol, Der Spiegel scribe Tim Stüttgen, experimental filmmakers Evelyn Rüssler, Isabelle Spengler, Vassily Bourakas, actress Maria Schrader(Amy&Jaguar),everyones sweetheart Anna Muelter, Kean Wong(CNN Indonesia)Gregor Gysi the head of Die Linke, Julius Bauer & posse, super studly Uli of the Berlinale´s Forum with his adorable girlfriend,Israeli video art star Keren Cytter who will have a short in The Berlinale that stars Susanne Sachße and Assaf Hochman(Cheap Blacky,Catherine Sullivan Troup)Hamburg heiress Vanessa Kuhlmann, the founder of Balzac Coffee with rock photographer Jameel Khaja, who use to be married to the daughter of Bob James, the guy who wrote the theme song to the TV show Taxi, Viola and L´Cavaliero, the activist performers with Spicy Tigers, and Sheila Chipperfield,the saucy bass player with Elastica, who was the fantastic DJ for the afterparty at the WAU Cafe that raged until 6am.
***
Barely had time to recoup, but i promised Joel Gibb i would see him perform at the Rote Salon of the Volksbühne along with Noblesse Oblige on Sunday evening. I had missed Joel, and his band perform last year at the Lido. My pretty baby diaper looked stunningly handsome on stage and was in fine voice, offering the audience a short but haunting set. The lucky onlookers included Joel´s latest paramour, the silver fox Weiland Speck, of the Berlinale´s Panarama Section, Gabriel of Gelitin, who have a huge show on Feb 29th in Paris, Sebastian from Cheap Jewelry, looking like a Muslim warrior with his full beard, and heavy lidded bedroom eyes, and cute video artist Keren Cytter with her Israeli brother Assaf Hochman.

LORNA IN LIEBE GEWIDMET
For all you Bay Area fans, my nutters installation "Present Penicative" will be part of a group show called The Way That We Rhyme: Women, Art and Politics at the Yerba Buena Art Center Museum in San Francisco, opening March 29th. More info about this as the date grows nearer.
***
Not long ago i shared a passionata kiss from a sweet lipped, tennis playing tranny chaser named Philip Kohlshreiber. Well i just find out he's won some major matches, and is a top seed player in the ranks. And to think, when he told me he played tennis, i thought he meant just for fun and exercise.
***
Another former trick, the philosopher Raphael Enthoven i recently discovered use to be with former model and singer Carla Bruni, who is now with the French President Sarkozi, and i had a dalliance with Sarkozi's hot blonde son Pierre.
***
Maila Nurmi died at age 86. Back in the 1950s she was known as the TV Horror hostess Vampira, and she also starred in the Ed Wood Schlock classic Plan Nine From Outer Space. Her look, along with that of Pat Bag of The Bags was appropriated by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark aka: Cassandra Peterson.
I performed on the same bill with Ms. Nurmi countless times at the old Anti-Club in Hollywood during the post punk 1980's with my blaxploitation punk outfit The Afro Sisters. My good friend, the magnificent writer Stuart Timmons even attempted writing a book about her, and lovers James Dean and Marlon Brando. She was really way ahead of her time, and back in the 1940s was one of the first women to wear a mohawk and liberty spikes on the west coast burlesque circuit.
***
One of my fav actresses of the 1960s Suzanne Pleshette died, aged 70. I will never forget her in the film A Rage To Live, opposite a young hairychested Ben Gazzara, and on back of a Vespa scooter with then husband Troy Donahue in Rome Adventure.

MORE AFRICAN LEADERS
Last rehearsal before performance, and we solidified set, and i hope our unique Ruth Fischer sound. Later in evening went to HAU 1 to check out Re-Education installations. Loved the videoloop 100 Years of the Hebbel by Daniela Comani, and US Go Home! by Annette Weisser.
Went to the Francisco Vizzoli bickerbache. I had met the lovely Italian princepessa years ago, before she fully launched herself upon the global marketa. She is one pleasant arts grifter extroidinaire, very easy on the hairy eyeball, with lots of big dique arrogance to spare. I like her. I´d love to see her do a video where she porkpie´s Ricky Martin, and as she removes her cockula from lady Martin´s asstrovar, Ricky has a nuclear projectile mudslide, thats like that scene from Tommy where Ann-Margret throws a bottle of champagne into a TV screen and baked beans come flooding out.

SAVE THE PLANET-KILL YOURSELF!
Cheap Gossip Studio/Berlinale meeting at WAU Cafe with Empress Stefanie and Nanna Heidenreich of Kino Arsenal. Got to meet the new cute, and intellectual looking intern Christian, plus get a preview of Isabella Rossellini´s installation for the Gossip Studio called "Green Porn" which is simply hysterical and beyond brilliant. I also like New York legend John Heys short subject film. Returning to the Berlinale´s Forum Expanded is Jerry Tartaglia with some more restored Jack Smith gems, French gamine Marie Losier, Guy Maddin´s "My Winnipeg 79" and Canadian art czarina Wayne Baerwaldt, floating about with all his hearty prairie blonditude.
A few nights later went to artist buffet at WAU for the You Too Can Be Like Us, Re-Education show. Ran into the Big Fat Art Group who are in town doing a show at HAU 1 with special guest stars, New York royalty Justin Bond of Kiki & Herb, Theo of the Lunachicks, lanky drink of water Shaun of the Toilet Boys and telenovella girl, and one hot latina mama--Viva Ruiz. Had a great time exchanging gossip with my old Manhattan comrades, and stuffing my lady face with food alongside Daniel "Modesto" Henrickson of Cheap, kJohnny Blue, delightful Anna Muelter, Miss Stefanie of HAU and Turkish hunkster Senol.

THE RICHES OF CUNTENT
Ruth Fischer songs started to come back to us at rehearsal, its a slow process though, as we haven't performed in over a year. All my rock music projects go in and out of hiatus---black fag, Cholita the female Menudo and Pedro Muriel & Esther(PME)
I always forget how much fun it is to be in a band. Being a loner, its nice to occasionally experience the cammraderie of the rock band. After rehearsals at the HAU studio space we ate din din at this lovely little Greek restaurant across the street.
For two days in a row the weather has been sunny and bright, which is almost unheard of this time of year in Berlin, which resembles more Seattle with the constant rain and or general dreariness. Before rehearsal yesterday i took a long walk all the way to the Tiergarten and back. So many hot humpy joggers out and about that i was pulling major lighthouse action on the street.
Our Ruth Fischer performance will be Saturday January 19th, 11pm at HAU 2. For those of you who are not in the know, Ruth Fischer is my little art band with kollective Cheap, that features the teenage Albanian supermodel and singer Ibadette and her cute boyfriend Michael Halves, who are also in the extremely popular German indie pop sensation Super 700.
For our konzert on Saturday, Ruth Fischer will open for Super 700 as part of the HAU Theatres thematic weekend conference "Re-Education---you can be like us!" curated and organized by Stefanie Wenner. This event is part of the 100 anniversary of Berlin's Hebbel Theatre. The participants of the conference feature a variety of international names in art, theatre, music, academia and film, which includes: Francesco Vezzoli, AES&F, Rosa Casado, Daniela Comani, Hasan Elahi, Harun Farocki, Hassan Khan, Wonder Koch, Fre'deric Moser, Philippe Schwinger, Rabih Mroue', Evil Knievel, Richard Schechner, Tirdad Zolghadr and The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion amoung others.
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Tonight kollective Cheap gets together for brainstorming at my art studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta in Rote Insel. We have to iron out details for this year's Berlinale where we will once again, due to popular demanda mount The Cheap Gossip installation as part of Forum Expanded experimental wing of the Berlin Film Festival.
This year Isabella Rossellini is back, and will premiere some of her experimental films, and will participate with Cheap in our Cheapy Awards ceremonies, which should be a hoot. The festival runs from Feb 7-17th and the Cheap Gossip Studio will be housed at the Kino Arsenal foyer at Potsdamer Platz' Sony Center.

LOVESEXY,MUTIG UND NICHT ZU STOPPEN
Birthday celebrat for Cheap´s Dan Hendrickson aka: Modesto in Neü Koln. Miss Danny is quite the gourmand chefster and produced an enormous sampling of Turkish delicacies, items he ate on his last trip to Istanbul with lover Piero of la Collezione. Piero couldnt be at the party as he was off to Ethiopia brokering that countries political conflicts--such a humanitarian is the haute Mr. "P".
Enjoying the festive environ: fearless leader Susanne Sachße of Cheap with film historian Marcu Siegel,Tim Blue, butt girl Nanna Heindenreich with DJ gal pal Angie Baby, the empress of Kino Arsenal, and Germany´s hardest working woman--Miss Stefanie, who just put together the program for Forum and Forum Expanded for the Berlinale in February, and cute, cuddly Anna of the HAU.
You´ll never know who will be at a Cheap gathering, and this was no exception--we rubbed thighs with cine ingenue Danny Huston, the nephew of Angelika Huston, and grandson of legendary director John Huston, who was with his football star lover from Paraguay Roque Santa Cruz--between the two of them thats a lot of seminal emissions.
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First day of location shooting at the Berlin Zoo for the short subject on philosopher Theodore Adorno called "Teddy´s Beastiary---Letters From the Parents" by the young visionary filmmaker Evelyn "Evi" Rüsseler. Her cinematographer is the strict professional Isabelle Spengler with assist by youngster Emri, the green eyed Israeli scenester who works as a bartender at the Barbi Deinhoff. Its a small crew, but a focused one. I havent been to the zoo since i was 8 years old. I´m not really an animal person. We filmed in the Hippo House, and i was fascinated by these prehistoric looking creatures, who have such large and expressively sad eyes. Its almost as if they know they are beautiful big pieces of jewelry trapped in a guilded glass cage. It made me want to become an animals rights activist, and release them immediately back into the wild. Zoo´s seem so archaic.
In the Monkey compound it was even worse, imagine a giant patrician gorilla, so powerful and majestic, made restless, bored and inert by captivity. Those poor creatures seemed like they were being driven out of their holy minds.
After a long day of shooting Evi took us to the Rooter Sand fish restaurant in Wittenberg Platz where we feasted.
BLONDINEN BEVORZUGT
Worked a bit on ICA London proposal at the Kunst Libray. Distracted by all the tall hunky blondine boys, though it was a full lipped, bubble butt ginger beauty in particular who sent me into high orbitinery --Wowzin!!!!
Cooked a post birthday din din for Tim Blue, and discussed our upcoming meetings for the performance workshops that we will be conducting with 100 hormonal teenagers. That Tim is such a delight to brainstorm with.
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Second formal day of shooting on "Teddy´s Bestiary" this time the location filming begins in Kreutzberg with a friendly Turkish cabdriver, who i think is a tranny chaser, as he was very much interested in la diva-the Vagimule doll. If i didnt have to concentrate so much i would have been more flirtatious with him. Our home base for the shoot was a small cafe, where i ran into Javier Peres of Peres Projects Gallery and his bearded Muslim assistant John. Javier said he would be off soon to The Sundance Film Festival for the world premiere of Bruce la Bruce´s new film "Otto-Up With Dead People". Seeing Javier in the fleshy flesh seem to make it clear that the so called fued, that people have been talking about between Javi and his star artist Terence Koh was just a pranksterish publicity stunt---those devilish cardy tricksters.
Our second location for the day was a lovely apartment on Sanderstr, the home of a nice middleaged academic named Birgitte. In these scenes i played Adorno, his mother and opera singing Aunty. It was fun, but a long grueling day, that didnt end until 3am. I never lend my image to other filmmakers unless i really believe in them, and their project. I had seen another film of Evi´s that was filled with joy and whimsy, so i felt we were kindered spirits, plus she is so adorable, genuine,
and filled with love and a gracious spirit, that you really want to see her vision through to completion. Evi had seen one of my Porno Adorno pieces, and knew that i fit in with her ideas, so it was a perfect collaboration.
***
Cooked a humble proletariat meal for Dan Hendrickson of Cheap at my studio the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Was nice having some quiet time with Daniel, who is known for his power plowing style of penetration that always sends his lovers to the hospital for immediate repairs on their anus and sphincter muscles. Along with the rest of Cheap and Ibadette and Mickey of Super 700 we will begin rehearsals for our first Ruth Fischer art band performance in over a year---more on that later.

CHAUVE SOURIS
A few weeks ago Jean Spinosa and the Bricktops kids sent me a cute care packagina with love and kisses, and suddenly i was flooded by memories of Bricktops at the Parlour Club. Too bad it came to an end, with a sad aftertaste, but i should have known it would.
I was very much taken in by beautiful Andrew Gould, the Parlour Clubs peaches n cream complexioned British manager. He was so downright charming that i ignored the fact i couldnt stand from the very beginning his fussbudget of an older lover Lenny Young, who was the owner of the bar and a former low level Hollywood producer of films like James and the Giant Peach, Chicken Run and The Legend of Bagger Vance. I tried to convince myself that Lenny wasnt so bad, there must be something good about him or Andrew wouldn't be with him.
But it goes both ways in all fairness. Andrew felt so connected to me that he disregarded my divadom, that i need constant attention, supplication and devotion. We had a romantic, platonic friendship, and working together was quite pleasant for 3 1/2 years, so i don't have any regrets. I think at the end we both learned some valuable life lessonies.
From the beginning i didnt want to admit to myself that Andrew was a very normative young man. I have a habit of trying to turn people into things they are not.
One time i told Andrew that Lenny is a closet Republican, and he said that he wouldnt be with him if he was a Republican. Now i realize that Lenny is actually worse then a Republican he is a Tory.
I got such a hoot out of Franko B ruffling Lenny's feathers at a dinner Andrew hosted at their Los Feliz compound. I could tell Lenny was jealous of Franko's cute young boyfriend at the time Kris Canavan, and during drinks Franko shut him down in such a quiet, sly manner, Lenny fumed and left the room. Andrew even silently chuckled and i could tell he got a kick out of Lenny's defeat.
I'll always remember Summer Peaches cornering Andrew's wife, Charity Hope Valentine, in one of her more enebriated stages, and asking her point blank, why Andrew was with Lenny. I was a little shocked at Summer's boldness, i wouldnt have even asked that. Charity said quickly without thinking, "He's with him for the money".
I never thought that was completely true, as Lenny aint no David Geffen, and with Andrew's large penis, and British accent, if he was a real golddigger he could have done much better in Los Angeles then Lenny, who has money, but isn't super rich by any means.
I've learned that the mega wealthy faggots do prefer boys who aren't obvious or too sexy or muscled. And a European accent goes a long way in the class envious united statuals.
***
When i came back from Zagreb i had a pre Christmas drink with my Kino Arsenal/Cheap Gossip intern Julius Bauer at the Tuffstein Cafe. So nice sharing a brewski with a sensitive, beautiful and caring soul. There is hope for the young after all.
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Christmas Eve dinner at teen scribe Travis Jeppeson's Moabite compound. A gourmound meal cooked by Polish lovers Lukas and Samuel. Lukas is a screenwriter and Samuel a student who also puts on the fledgling Queer Arts Festival in Krakow.
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Christmas Day din din at Fearless Leader of Cheap, Susanne Sachße's celebrated Round Table with guests Marc Siegel, Nanna Heidenreich, Empress Stefanie of The Arsenal, The Blue Bros-Kjohnny and Tim, actors Yvonne Catterfeld, Oliver Wnuk, and Til "25 Centimeters" Schweiger. A meal at Suzi Su's is one coveted A list ticket.
***
I've decided that instead of celebrating Kwanza, i will start a new black ghetto holiday called Eleganza.
***
The Love Camel, aka Andreas Novarin, my Italian pal from London came to Berlin to spend the New Year's celebration with me. I met the Love Camel back in the 90s at the Gay and Lesbico film festival in Milan. No one makes me laugh like the Love Camel, he is sometimes so dry he's catatonic, and always has this startled look on his face. It was sweet of him to bring me a wonderful Christmas present of a mini DVD player, and his loving companionship. There is no one i would rather spend a holiday with.
Now i can watch films on this tiny little screen, smaller then a lap top. Its perfect for someone with a small flat, cuz it doesnt take up any room. Also to get a TV in Germany is expensive as you have to pay a monthly tax for having a TV and or a radio. The things we take for granted in the States.
***
I took Love Camel to Tim Blue's birthday party which was catered by Troy Lopez the Jamaican Celebrity Chef of Berlin. He made this scrumpteous Lamb Stew and a cake called Chocolate Genocide, which had more chocolate per square inch then any cake in Christendom. Enjoying one of the years's best soirees: The Arsenal Gang of Empress Stefanie, Nanna Heidenreich, Angie Baby and Isabelle Spengler, Wilheim Hein and photog gal pal Annette Frick, young, tight bodied French filmmaking sensation Michele Belague with his cute possessive girlfriend, and Greek film curator and muscular hunk, Vassily Bourakas with his energetic bright eyed pooch Smitty, lovely married EastAsian academics and party priestesses Bashcar and Bisnu, who i havent seen since my Club Sucker days, visiting from Californy,concert pianist David Patrick, Stefan Faupel and family, Marc Siegel, Susanne Sachße, Daniel Hendrickson of Cheap, Kjohnny Blue and pretty Nicole, the lovesexy scholar from London with her Scandanavian girlfriend. Of course Love Camel got drunk and went on a horndoggy rampage attacking a young cute blonde boy architectural student named Christian and some euro movie stars Muriel Baumeiser, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Pasquale Aleardi. Leave it to the Love Camel to come undone. Thats why i love him so.
***
The adventureous Love Camel discovered a small cafe in Mehringdamm called Avalon that has the best cake and Cappacinos in all Berlin. We ate there almost every day of his visit. I was also shocked by the DVDs Love Camel brought me of UK TV programs Bo Selecta, League of Gentlemen and Jam. I was surprised by what they can get away with on the telly in Britainia with all the nudity, sexual situations and foul, foul language.
***
First project for the new year. Working on a film directed by the great Evelyn "Evi" Rüsseler about Theodore Adorno and his love for the Hippo. Isabelle Spengler, a Cal Arts girl, is the cinematographer, and our first meeting yesterday was an utter delight---drinking wine, eating lots of food(Isabelle makes a killer tuna melt), but we also got down and dirty doing some hard serious work.

PAMELA ANDERSON LIZALA VRAT MADIONICARU
Why is it that everytime i travel there are only hideous, fugly business men, sallow obese families or ruddy mountaineers with three necks and no chin parked at my gate. Proper eye candy is just so hard to come by these days. It was great to get out of town, but i left the charcoal grey of Berlin for the bile grey of Zagreb and even colder weather.
Zvonomir "Zvonko" Dobrovic of The Queer Zagreb Festival(wwwQueerZagreb.org) invited me to come to Croatia earlier in the year when i met him at the Cheap Gossip Studio at the Berlinale. We clicked immediately, his peppy energy and ribald enthusiasm is so infectious. Queer Zagreb is a tiny little festival with lots of heart. Festival co-director Gordony Bosanac picked me up at the tiny aeroport and deposited "the doll" at a cozy lesbianic flat adjacent to the gorgeous city zentrum. Natasha "Rambova" Bodrozic, the vivacious festival executive producer came to fetch me after i napped and take me to look at Klub Global at Pavla Hatza, the only gay club in the village, and region. Its going to be the site for the closing night festival party that i named Sextette--Erotic Playground, from a campy late career Mae West flick from the 70s. I will act as exotic hostessa, DJ/VJane and visualist for the evening.
Originally they wanted the event to take place in an abandoned tunnel that housed raves in the 90s, but the city nixed that and i am glad---it would have been a disaster.
The festival tech coordinator isnt a very enthusiastic worker bee. Doesnt he realize that its considered a grievous faux pas in international art circles to say anything other then, "Yes, Ms. Davis, whatever you want Ms. Davis or the classic, Yes my darling Ms. Davis, i am merely a humble vassel to service your needs and inspirational will!"
And don´t let me get started about the bar manager a Lurch look-a-like fag who could only manage two expressions: glum and glummer. At this point i was thinking, what have i gotten myself into, but i also was dealing with an empty stomach which always leaves me feeling cranky to anyone who isn´t attractive or spunky.
Fortunately Zonko and his teenage half Brazillian, half German child bridestud Andre´Von Ah, whisked me to a quaint Italian bistro where all my holes got filled with grog and ale.
During the sumpteous meal i get filled in on Queer Zagreb projects like their Tashen style coffee table book "Oral History of Homosexuality in Croatia which features 25 people from the ages of 30-70 talking about socialist life when the country was part of Yuguslavia. They will also bring a documentary film called "Replaying the Balkans" to the Berlinale Film Festival in February, that traces through 30 movie clips the gay motives of cinematography in the regionale from 1945 - 2000.
There are only about 35 professional faggots in the Catholic/homophobe dominated country. At their last gay pride celebration a visiting Italian senator and his beau were attacked by a mob of fascists in broad daylight in the city square, and a molitov cocktail was thrown. Nice.
Back at my lesbian flat i read Sylvia Plaths´s The Bell Jar. There wasnt a TV, so of course i was a bit miffed. Traveling is the only time i get to watch the stoob tube. When i finally fell into a sound sleep i was woken by an incubus that looked like Franojo Tudmon, and this horny intity was desperately trying to penetrate my dry as a cactus pussy.
POSLATICA OD BAJAMA S LJUBAVLJU
On the day of the big event, Christina a stylish and efervescent arts presenter, who i met before in Ljubjana took me to luncheon at Cafe Nocturnal, and later for coffee and hairy eyeballing at The Argentine, where we gossiped about mutual friends & associates in the international live art scene. Cristina knows everybody, and she and the Croatian womenfolk are so god damn beautiful and seductive that even fags wind up turning straight, like Chris Kanavan of the UK ,when they come down to do a performance.
In the evening a twinky cutie pie pal of Cristina, "Johnny Darko" was my escort to the club. He was late, and was so ditzy he couldnt find the club at first, it was like the blind leading the blind. But it didnt matter, my make-up artist Martin, aka: Tranny Eyes of Laura Mars was also late. Laura is the only drag queen in greater Macedonia all the way to Thessalonika, so she is quite in demand, sweet and dumure.
Miss Natasha ran with my decorating ideas, and pretty soon the place was looking very lively, like a combination of my famed clubs Bricktops and GIMP, with a little Platinum Oasis thown in.
Some art smarty pants with lots of capital$$$ should finance my traveling Cheap Public Sex Arts Festival project. I´d make a great festival director.
The soiree started at 11pm, and the crowd loved my music and gonzo black porn images, as well as the abstract erotica of the great genius, Tim Blue of Cheap, which looked incredible in the small space projected behind me in the DJ both.
I only spun till 1pm, replaced by locals Michael, a younger, cuter version of the guy who runs the trendy nitespot Berlin Hilton and DJ Yas, a complete sweetheart of a man. As usual all the lesbianas and straight women flocked to me, wanting photo ops and such, but one blondine boy did ask for a kiss, and later in the evening after my set hit me up about whether i thought he had potential appeal to make it in Hollywood. Yikes!
The evening attracted a mixed crowd of everybody from weenagers to senior citizens, gay and straight, it reminded me of a small town gay bar atmosphere and that was a bit refreshing. I was shocked by the large amount of sport stars and national celebrities, who like the novelty of a gay club, and that there are few nightlife choices. Among the celebutants: Croatian TV´s Naked Chef, Sexy Maria of Belgrade who works for the minister of culture in Serbia, Dusko Sibl a famous Croatian painter who lives in London, Slavko Stafanovic a Belgrade basketball player, ladyboy killer Roland Mouret, the man famous for rejecting the sultry advances of Hollywood star George Clooney, footballers Davor Vugrinec, Igor Biscán, swim star Milorad Damjanic´and some reality TV personalities from the show Big Bros: Marko Grubnic, Vanje Halilovic and Antonije Stupar. I will get more reports on who was there and add them to the list later.
I could tell no one was going to be brave enough to take me home for a good plowing, though the hot dimunitive skinhead barback was giving me the most attention all night. I left at 2pm, but i heard the place raged on until 6am.
ZIDOVI KOJI GOVORE
My last evening in Zagreb, Zvonko and his teenage lover threw me a dinner party where they cooked a mixture Croatian/South American delicacies. The lovely table featured the divine Maria of Belgrade, my make-up artist Laura and her sweet softspoken pal Anna whose last named sounded like Pinkpornstar, and festival volunteer Marco with Bruce LaBruce´s dynamic star Daniel Belchior of Skin Gang/Raspberry Reich fame. In the morning Zvonko´s pretty fresh faced younger sister took me to the aeroport and i was more then ready to return to bleak Berlina.

AMITIE' AMOUREUSE
Berlin can sometimes get on a girls last raw nerve. Tricked with a handsome, muscular, ginger headed Babylonian Gorgon the other day who had one of the longest and thickest peterfications i have ever gazed upon in my life. And to complicate matters it wasnt a Rod Gerato like member, thats big and lumpy soaking up moisture like a sponge, but one of those giant dicks that is actually rock hard like Gibralter. Seems too good to be true, eh Demanda? Yes, the fool was more interested in showing me his bric-a-brac collection and assorted antiques then getting down to business and tearing up my hole. Only in Berlin kids, only in Berlin.
***
Love is a publicity stunt and making love after the first curious rapture is only another petulant way to pass the time.
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Tim Blue and I met with Mijke, a sweet Dutch girl who works at the HAU theatre and is organizing these workshops that Tim and I will teach with 100 high school students in June. o lady the life you lead.
***
Anna and Christophe came over to the Cheese Endique Trifecta studio and i showed them some of my underground films including the latest one that i starred in for director John Aes-Nihil, which is a remake of Suddenly Last Summer, where i play the Katherine Hepburn role, with Jade Gordon of My Barbarian fame as Liz Taylor and the late, great Lance Loud as Princess Tinymeat, Monty Cliff. John Aes-Nihil is one of the Baltimore Four, the filmmaker friends that include Kenneth Anger, Barry Levinson and John Waters. Aes-Nihil takes about 10 years to finish one of his movies, his other classics include The Drift, starring Glen Meadmore, Goddess Bunny and The Tired Danielle of the Ephiphany which is a remake of the Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone, also The Ma Barker Gang and his most famous film The Charles Manson Murders. Aes-Nihil also has a pre punk rock band called Beyond Joy and Evil, that began in the late 60s and continue today, though performances are rare. BJ&E did perform at my old clubs GIMP and Bricktops.
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Susanne Sachsee, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap and her lovely mother sent me a million delightful Christmas presents, wrapped so inventively that i didnt want to open them immediately. Everything was something that i desperately need for life in cold, damp Berlin. Items from the former GDR town of Jena where Suzi grew up. I have very thoughtful friends.
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My Arsenal program Rising Stars, Falling Stars was incredible last night. We showed two movies by la grande mama of the Avant garde Germaine Deluc. L'Invitacion de la Voyage and Disque 957 accompanied by the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny. What a joyous event. It also turned into an thank you party for the cast and crew of Cheap Blacky. Germaine Deluc should be revered by anyone who loves outstanding filmmaking. This hot buttered lesbian was way ahead of her time is all i have to say.
Seen cavorting during the after screening reception: Filmmakers Heinz Emigholz with juicy assistant Lior, Isabelle Spengler, Dalia Neis and her smoking hot British/Israeli connection posse, Christophe Chemin, DJ Angie Baby, Wiebke the perky Arsenal intern, Arsenal director Empress Stephanie, Nanna Heidenreich, expert projectionist Ooshee, the friendly kasse girls Claudia & Grit, Tito and Wolle the technical directors of the HAU Theatre with the Hebbel's top gun Anna Muelter who along with Susanne Sachsee made the buffett spread, Cheaps Daniel Henrickson and Marc Siegel, Mama Mia make-up guru Tan Bihn Nguyen with hunky brother and pretty pal, concert pianist David Patrick of Jamaica, New York Times scribe Adam Fisher in town writing a piece on ex pats, Sam Riley who brilliantly stars as deathboy Ian Curtis of my favorite band Joy Division in the new movie Control. Zoo Magazine writer and sex god Travis Jeppeson who brought muscular Brit Gerald Butler and Bollywood movie stars and real life homosexy lovers Upen Patel and Rajnesh Duggal.

LORD LOVE A DUCK
One evening in January 1982 i was reading a book just before supper, in the Park Avenue apartment of a handsome, but vulgar investment banker. This man wanted me to take part in a sex party among government officials . . . due to a mere accident of birth, which at the time i took no notice of, i was erotically irresistible to men, but false humility was a gift i had been denied.
I had always been abnormally truthful, though it never occured to me to be vain about it. My integrity like my sexual beauty, came so naturally that i was quite mystified by the attention it drew. Thus it was that the bankers presumption in questioning my self-knowledge, which i specialized in, i saw through as a pathetically ill disguised alibi for keeping me in New York as his private property to flatter his ego. I left immediately for Philadelphia, packing only his first editions. Having often told him he was too stupid to appreciate them, i could not be so sanctimonious as to leave them in his possession. . .

IN FESSELN GELEGT,GESPANKT UND GEFINGERED
I knew that old WWII bombs, grenades and the like still turn up in and around Berlin, but i had no idea till a report on NPR that in the Western Front of WWI, that there are still unexploded grenades and shells, so many in fact that it would take 500 years to find them all. YIKES.
***
Anna and Miss Stephanie of the Hebbel took Assaf Hochman, Christophe Chemin and i to an American production at HAU I. It was nice seeing something in English, and the piece titled Songs of the Dragons Flying to Heaven by Young Jean Lee and her New York based Theatre Company was spirited. While i believe in supporting my Korean sistah´s! I wish i could recommend this production wholeheartedly. There are lots of great ideas floating about, but its a bit of a convoluted mess, like 15 different stage shows in one. I did like how she was attempting to tackle race issues in a non-dogmatic, whimsical fashion.
Several times i thought the work was going to pop, and it would always leave me frustrated. If i was Ms.Lee i´d develop the white guy/asian girl theme more. Replace Ms. Yamamoto as the lead with Margaret Cho. I did find the immasculated, bearded, lanky white dude Brian Bickerstaff sexy in a pigeon chested kind of way. Juliana Francis Kelly was just too Law & Order Special Victims Unit in her acting and stage presence for my taste, and what was with those ill stockings and Amy Winehouse ballet slippers the costumer had her wear. Oh and stark lighting never works, kill that please! The Korean chorus in folk costumes were the best part of this work, and whenever they disapeared i kept wanting to go back stage and bring them out again.
***
Wonderful dindin at Tim Blue´s flat. We havent´t been able to spend any quality time together, and he is one of my favorite peeps, with an insight that is always glowing and very right on Maude! After supper we had a drink at the Frankenstein 5000 bar also known as Ficken. It was fugly saturday nite fever, as the place was filled with some of the most hideous creatures i have ever seen in Berlin, short of the Kottbusser Tor crusties.

MARJORIE MORNINGSHTAR
A Reis Chicken is the Muslim Popeye´s Fried Chicken of Berlin town. Located in the working class Neu Köln area. I love oogling all the humpy turks in white pants, and swarthy A-rabs that leave my dry pussy very,very wet.
***
Time to reflect. Without generosity in the arts, there are no artists perfectly developed. Proust----a big YES!!!! Henry James---NO! Greta Garbo----Yes! Dietrich----No! Judy Garland-----triple dipple YES YES AND MORE YES! Frank Sinatra----a sad downcast eyes, NO! David Wojohowitz---Yes. Terence Koh---No!

SCHON KLAR UND WELCHE WÖRTER SIND DAS?
I think i forgot to mention that i went to see Ulrike Ottinger´s 1980s film re-telling of Dorian Gray starring Verushka. Ms. Ottinger creates lovely imagery, but she needs Jackie Reynal to edit for her. Film historian Marcu Siegel conducted a masterly interview with the legendary Verushka after the screening at Kino Arsenal.
***
Celebrity studded luncheon at Suzi Su´s Prince Lauber compound featuring Parisian wunderkind Christophe Chemin, directors The Reding Twins, ingenue Emma de Caunes, Yves St. Laurent designer Stefano Pilati,and studly uber manlische Nicolas Fargues. The food never stopped coming, and of course it was all deliciously served with the fervant Sachsee charm.
***
Caught the end of an NPR report on oil company conspiracy theories. Well my little lady view is: as the sunflower follows the sun by nature, so it is by nature that the oil companies rob the world. They do not have to get together and conspire to do what they have been doing since they came into existance.
***
An A-list actor acquaintance of mine, surprised me with a phone call. How he got my telephone number is beyond me, but he wanted to get my opinion on his performance in a new movie he stars in. Why he should care what i think, living among the elite in Hollywood as he does, is a subject i have ceased to chow down on.
However he was so urgent over the phone, and seemed so attached to this new project that I promised to watch the movie when its released in Berlina, and write a report on my blog.
Years ago i learned that truth is not the answer people seek when it comes to appraisel of their creative work. I can only hope that this new film won´t make it to Europe,and will receive a sympathetic burial, which according to what i have read about it online---- the entire premise seems silly, and useless as a vehicle for this particular actors imposing manly charms. o Ms. Davis why are you such a bitchina!

THE RICHES OF ADVENT
Discovered a new German religious observation called Advent. Never heard of it before, i guess its a Protestant thing, buts it happens on the Sunday leading to Christmas.
***
Hung out with LA art photographer Beth Herzhaft and her New York editor pal. Had a lovely time connecting with a native Angeleno, who although we've never met, we know all the same people from the punk and post punk scenes. She happens to be good buddies with one of my LA Weekly editors Robert Lloyd and grumpy Phil Heath of CowPoo and Re-Mix dead stock vintage apparel fame.
***
Gorgeous Dinette Set luncheon at Fearless Leader of kollective Cheap Suzi Su's compound with the Blue Bros- KJohnny & Tim, and film historian Marcu Siegel. Some crazy gnut emailed me about the Blue Bros. So many people read this blog, and i forget that sometimes. Well this wacko has a thing for twin bros, and somehow he thinks from my mentions in this bloggo, that The Blues are identical homosexual twin lovers. Talk about projecting his own fantasies on them. The guy came all the way from Miami to attend the premiera of Cheap Blacky just in the hopes of seducing the Blues, only to be disapointed that they weren't identical twin brothers. Not only are they not twins, they are 10 years apart in age, and one brother is gay and the other hetero. But this crazo has the nerve to complain to me that i mislead him.
***
Return of Max und Moritz at Parkaue. Lots of young trendies at the Saturday performance. I guess its people checking out the piece after the success of Cheap Blacky. Too bad the Parkaue will discontinue M&M at the end of the season next year. So go see it while you can. Anna and Christophe Chemin came on Sunday, the cast was in fine spirits with everyone ad libbing, and having a joyous good time. Frau Schuster was incredible!!!! Afterwards Anna and Christophe took me to the Mehringdam German Country restaurant Deitrich's where i had a heart meal---yummy.
***
I never go to house parties, but i attended the house warming of Senol and Angie on Saturday night. Senol and Angie both worked on the set for Cheap Blacky and are wonderful. Angie was the spinderella behind the wheels of steel and did a great job keeping the party energy super high. Usually houseparties in Berlin are a dull affair, but this one was rocking! I danced, flirted and danced some more. Great talking with pretty Michaela, Nico and the bbooks kollective posse. Booty princess Nanna Heidenreich and I led the freak dancing. Tall, elegant and handsome Ulli who i have such a schoolgirl crush on, with his fun loving and cute girlfriend are my big mama favorites. It was also nice to see Sasha with his pectoral implants. He just completed his disertation, plus a multitude of other beauty pies.
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Years ago in LA i gave my old editor-in-chief at the LA Weekly a copy of a book i was writing called The Naked Goat, she thought it was good and passed it on to some well known New York editors at a major publishing house. Now it seems like they want to publish this novel of sorts. Life is sooo strange. I usually get tons of emails from publishers who want me to do an as-told to book about all the famous people i have the dirt on. When i mention to them that i have my own writing work, they condescendingly say to send them a complete manuscript, and they will look at it, as if i had nothing better to do but write books for their ok. Tired!!!
So as not to jinx The Naked Goat, i will just say that its a book divided into 9 self contained chapters: High Ranks, Ruined, The Cost of Star, Expectorant Angel, The Black Orchid, The Belle Falls, Excitement me, Broader Fields and The Silver Salver. Its autobiographic but in a sly way i write mainly about others, but throw in stuff about myself, so i tell the absolute truth without incriminating anyone by name. I originally wrote it very quickly and forgot that i gave it to Sue Horton, then editor of the LA Weekly, and that she recommended it to her New York editor friends. We´ll see if anything comes of it, and with my luck, nothing will.
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Living in Exile here in Germany from Hollywood can sometimes be a hoot. At the library i keep abreast on things by reading the Guardian, and The Hearst International Paper, and at home i listen to NPR Berlin, and The BBC on the radio. I am forever struck by the fact that politics and money, and how these most complex dealings in human mischief are ruled by the most ordinary men who achieve wealth and power simply by fitting neatly into their appointed slots without disturbing the bureacratic or organizational machinary. From this point of view President Shrub could not have avoided being elected even if he wanted to.

LAST EMBRACE
Cheap Blacky production coordinator Anna came over to my Cheese Endique Studio for a sweet visit to cheer me up from my post Cheap Blacky depression. Anna brought with her some delicious dainties made from the former pastry chef of Berlin's famous Adlon Hotel. We had a wonderous girlie time, laughing and hooting it up royally. A few days later Christophe Chemin, the "It" boy from Paris cooked a sexy gourmand meal for me and Anna at his Mehringdamm flat. We watched several Cheap Blacky documentation videos, and in between critiquing, gossip and overall merriment, a lot of joy was spread like almond butter.
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Went to see the Keira Knightly film Atonement that co-stars the bubble butt, tiny young British actor James McAvoy, who i met during Berlinale early in the year. He is even cuter in person then he appears on film. Too bad he is soooo damn demunitive.
The only thing men that small are good for is sitting on raw faces.
Speaking of the Berlinale. By popular demand Cheap is going to recreate our infamous Gossip Studio. This year we will also debut the Cheapy Awards as a companion piece to the Gossip Studio. More details forthcoming.
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Next time you read this blog, you will get to be the first ones to sneak peak a new written series called Cornelius.