AND THE AWARD GOES TO THELMA RITTER
Sunday we gave away the first Cheapie Underground Uber Alles Awards recognizing the best talents in outsider arts. After the Berlinale is over i will post the names and categories of all the winners. Sunday was a tough 14 hour day, thank god the weather has been springlike and aboundant. The gossip studio was invaded by throngs of photographers and media film crews because of a special interview on the gossip studio stage conducted by Marc Siegel of Cheap with poet Patti Smith and Fassbinder actress Irm Hermann. Patti and Irm are in the African Twin Towers installation by Christoph Schlingensief. All the cat walks in the Sony Center were jam packed with the multitudes trying to get a glimpse of the two stars. Later all the commotion was repeated with Isabella Rossellini and Guy Maddin(Guy's new film My Winnipeg is even better then Brand Upon the Brain with old time star Ann Savage playing his mother), during their reception in the Gossip Studio. Guy introduced me to Isabella, i had actually met her years ago when she was married to David Lynch, and they bought the LLoyd Wright house in Los Feliz Village from William Waldron, my ex-paramour. But i didnt feel it was appropriate to go into all that. Isabella looked gorgeous, she´s put on a few pounds from her model days, but it just adds to her overall appeal. Her installation Green Porn which is part of the Gossip Studio, is really the big crowd pleaser second only to our circular bar. If that wasn´t enough yesterday Udo Kier stopped by with the great music filmmaker Peter Sempel. Udo is also in the Schlingensief installation, and wasn´t aware that i had moved from LA to Berlin. It was great seeing him, and he looked amazing, with those mesmerizing eyes of his.
Tonight is the premiere of Otto, the Bruce La Bruce political zombie flick, i am very excited as i have only seen a rough cut, and i´m anxious to view the finished product.

THE TRUTH ABOUT SPRING
Just checked emails after 5 days, and of course everyone is angry that i haven´t written anything more about the Berlinale. Well the Cheap Gossip Studio is a living, breathing installation, and creating it takes its toll on me, add high heels and a famous houseguest, in the illustrious form of the Love Camel(Andrea Novarin) from London´s British Film Institute, and like Tiffany Middlesex, the snaggletooth drag denmother of The Stripes, my last nerve is being worked overtime.
The gala opening of the Gossip Studio was granada with a cavalcade of the very brightest elementals, beginning with sexy underground film legendinas Sherrie Milner and Ernie Larson, teen poet Travis Jeppeson with his beautiful 14 year old Slovakian lover Mario,the Canuckian contingent of Bruce LaBruce with dapper Wayne Baerwaldt, baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, Noam "Alan Ginsberg" Gonick with his pretty Polish childbride, the incredible Peaches, looking absolutely divine, and The Canadian Cultural Attache.
Was personally introduced to Gina of the wild teutonian band Cobra Killer, that i´ve heard so much about, and got a chance to exchange gossip with lovegod DJ Snax, juicy Sheila Chipperfield, the British DJ who use to play bass for Elastica, who comes from a famous circus/carnival family,France´s Nouvelle Vague, Ibadette and Mickey One of the Super 700 who brought along their celebrity lawyer, which is very rock shtar, looking everybit like french rockers dreamy filmmaker Marie Losier and her bubbly beau Sebastian, writer Tim Stüttgen who is doing a profile on Judy LaBruce, and The Vaginal Doll for Der Spiegel, which is like the German newsweek, Felix Grimm from Cheap Club at Podeville,Kreutzberg sweetie pie Anna Muelter of HAU, downtown New York demigod John Hayes with Berlin royal Zazie de Paris, Yusof, the Israeli guru who heads the cult of art fag phallic worship at Basso, pretty boy Ulli of the Forum and his cute eastern bloc girlfriend, Greek underground film curator Vassily Bourakas, art photog Annette Frick with boyfriend Wilhelm Hein, Christoph Chemin who designed a sublime poster for Otto, Up With Dead People,Vanessa Kuhlmann the Balzac Coffee heiress with her rock photo journalista husband Jameel Khaja, Nick Klose and his beau who runs the trendy weenager club Berlin Hilton,Jerry Tartaglia with his lovely assistant Sean Kirk, actor Mario Adorf, Irish filmmakers Paul Rowley and Nick Gogan whose film is being taunted as the best pic in the entire festival, Evi Rüssler, Nico, Aljoscha and Kim of b books, Toby Rauscher of Salzgeber Editions, named after Manfred Salzgebar who founded the Panorama Section of the Berlinale, cute Arsenal intern Wiebke Stadler with her hunky boyfriend Jonas Alexander of Forum Delphi, Claudia Mauti of the Gay & Lesbico Festival of Milano, and of course Tan Bihn Nguyen who not only did my make-up and hair but also styled me and Susanne Sachße, and we looked incredible, if i do say so myself, and i do.
Thats all i have time for now, but i promise to write about Isabella Rossellini, Guy Maddin and Patty Smith all coming by the Gossip Studio on the same day, and the mayhem that insued.

ODINGA
The Berlinale is finally here! Our colors for the Cheap Gossip Studio this year, in the Silver Filmhaus are peach and grey, special thanks & kissies to uber hottie Senol, and his slap happy Kreutzberg crew. We are on schedule for a change, but that doesn´t mean we´ll avoid both major and minor disasters.
Went to an art preview at the Wilde Gallery in icky Mitte to see "Wildflowers of Manitoba" by Noam "Allen Ginsburg" Gonick and Luis Jacobs curated by the blonde Winnipig muscle studkin Wayne Baerwaldt of Plug In Institute of Contemporary Art. I adore the handsome, patrician Mr. Baerwaldt, who was responsible for the celebrated Beck/Al Hansen Playing With Matches Exhibit that toured the Universe in the
late 90s, that i played hostess with mostess on her hairyeyeballs to. Wayne also goes way back with my #1 Canuckian lady, that genius Glen Meadmore.
The hippy/dippy Bohdi Tree, Radical Faerie inspired installation featured a live young boy in a geodomic pup tent. The white kid was kindof cute in a drum circle like way, but would have looked better minus the dreadlocked Sigmund and the Seamonster tendrils.
Gallerist Peter Wilde, was sweet and personable, and a big fan of Cheap Blacky. Seen cavorting about: Empress Stefanie of Kino Arsenal and the Berlinales Forum Expanded with Nanna Heidenreich and her infamous derriere, gorgeous Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras with his silver foxxx beau, Weiland Speck of Panorama, crazysexycool Tim Blue with humpy skier Felix Neureuther, and my new, pretty 15 year old intern Christian of Bavaria.
The Gossip studio hasn´t even opened, but there is already a Berlinale scandale, namely those crusty dinosaurs The Rolling Stones. These hideous creatures flew seperately to the Berlinale, in their ozone defiling private jets with 500+ sychophants, hangers on, 8 year old girlfriends and trophy concubines.
Why Martin Scorcece would make a movie about them is a mystery to me. But the big wigs of the festival aren´t allowing the fun people inside the gala opening party this year to partake in all the fancy free food and liquor. Shame,shame, shame on the Berlinale for kowtowing to dull celebrity.
Luckily the Gossip Studio will be a Rolling Stone, Madonna Free zone. McDonna is probably angry that i talked Rachel Weiss out of being in her new movie. If i had known that Gogol Bordello frontman Eugene Hutz was going to be in it, i would have talked him out of it as well.
I only hope that Patty Smith will come by the Gossip Studio. Scarlette Johansen already emailed me that she will stop by on Sunday for the opening of Isabella Rossellini´s installation Green Porn.

GLORIA VON THURN UND TAXIS
Yes the crazy German prinzessin was a fun loving wild woman in the 1980s, and someone i hung out with in the LA and New York club scenes. I didn't realize at the time that she was indeed a real honest to goodness royal. i thought that people just called her a princess because she was so grand. Shows you how naive i was when i was a weenager.
Gloria emailed me recently, and she will be in Berlin with her children Albert, Elisabeth and Maria Theresia, so i told her that she has to come by the kollective Cheap Gossip Studio at the Filmhaus Atrium of Kino Arsenal during the Berlinale. Seeing her again is going to be a hoot.
***
Ibadette and Mickey One of Super 700 came by my Cheese Endique Trifecta art studio the other day along with the artist formerly known as Davide Grassi, now going by the name of Janez Jansa, and his lovely wife Marcela. We all had a wonderful time, laughing it up, and kicking off our big white Nina Blanchard panties. Iba and Mickey went over with me some of their lyrics for songs on their new album. They both speak English really good, but aren't native speakers so they wanted my Amerikanese perspective. Davide aka: Janez gave me all the poop on his being kicked out of the Transmedia Exhibition, then brought back in, when the organizers and guest curator got caught in a major liar,liar pants on fire. So typical with art institutions. The great downtown New York legend Penny Arcade says that if you work for an art institute, get a good salary with benefits, and don't devote your life exclusively to serving artists, that you should kill yourself. I heartily agree.

The musician and filmmaker of kollective Cheap, Tim Blue puts it this way:
Arts in our conservative era must either be decorative in a way that reflects the narcissistic face of art history, or ironically distant from its alleged subject matter, or stripped of any real threat to what constitutes a definition of art given to it by curators that are more concerned with keeping and climbing up careers that are given to them by government institutions that really are not interested in changing or examining ANYTHING at all.
I second that gemotion!
***
Was intereviewd by John Colapinto for the New Yorker Magazine, who is doing a profile on Paris based designer Rick Owens, who designed the costumes for Cheap Blacky and Otto-Up With Dead People. I guess i am one of the few people who has known Rick since the mid 1980s.
Mr. Colapinto is also the author of the nonfiction tome "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl"

PORTRAIT DÚNE ENFANT DÉCHUE
Dinner with teen hungthrobs Travis Jeppeson and Mario Dzurila at their large Moabite lovenest. Mario is quite the gourmand and made a Slovakian ghoulash that was killer. Then they both took turns filling all my still hungry holes with potent youthquaking splooge. Just kidding, i wanted to see if you were paying attention.
Actually the boys gave me a copy of the poetry book Poems I Wrote While Watching TV, that they put out on their small press Blatt Books, that has offices in Prague and New York. The Plathian poetry is by Travis, graceful illustrations by Jeremiah Palecek with the overall brilliant book design by little Mario. Ah to be so young and talented, Mario celebrates his 15th birthday on Wednesday, while Travis turns 17 this year. For all you hornpigs out there in cyberland who are obsessed with Travis and Mario from reading about them in this here blog, stop trying to figure out ways to break them up as a couple, so that you can get your filthy paws on them. They are wildly in love, and cant´t keep their hands off each other. When they do have threegy´s and fourgy´s its with other young, super smart, literary type boys, and they are not interested in you lecherous Allen Ginsbergs who keep emailing me for their personal contact information. Some of you are just shameless.
***
Went to Baby Diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras 25th birthday party at his cool flat in Prenzleberg, lots of luminaries including Kele Okereke of the British band Bloc Party who i saw at the Steam Sauna a few days ago, film historian Marc Siegel with ladylove Susanne Sachße of Cheap who stars in Bruce La Bruce´s latest film Otto, Up With Dead People that scandalized the Sundance Film Festival, and will probably do the same at the Berlinale. Pretty Emka Rosenbrock of Style Magazine, silver fox Weiland Speck of the Panarama section of the Berlinale, director Wolfgang Eißler, cute skaterboi Sebastian of MTV Germany,and the Super Norweigans from Oslo who did this wild and madcap 8 hour production of Ibsen´s Ghost recently in Scandanavia, that would be perfect for Berlin, hopefully at the HAU.
***
I got an email from the hot hunky, Slovenian artist formerly known as Davide Grassi, now going by the name Janez Jansa, along with two other comrades they have taken the name of the right wing leader as part of a massive political art project. They were invited to Berlin´s Transmediale Festival at Haus de Kulturen der Welt, then unceremoniously uninvited right before their performance, and given some lame excuse by the festival director Stephen Kurats and guest curator Natasa Petresin-Bachelez. Now if this isn´t a scandal i don´t know what is. I will give you more info as i receive it.

WRITTEN ON THE WIND
One of Kembra´s sweet young artist friends Naomi, and her cute, lanky beau are in Berlin on a residency in the hauteur suburb of Dalem. They came over to my Cheese Endique Trifecta studio for a visit a few days ago and i had a lovely time with them.
***
After a Cheap Gossip Studio Berlinale meeting, i hurried to HAU 1 with Fearless leader Suzi, Marcu and Anna Muelter to see Big Art Group from New York. For years i´ve heard about them with lots of people giving praises to an earlier piece called "Flicker" as being clever and wildly entertaining. The new work Cinema Fury: The Imitation, hosts an impressive array of downtown luminaries like the exquisite Justin Bond of Kiki & Herb fame, sultry and sensuous rock goddess Theo Kogan of The Lunachicks, Long Dong Sean Pierce of queer metalites The Toilet Boys, and everyones favorite party girl, the enchanting Viva Ruiz. With a cast like that i was expecting a scintillating evening of riotous Manhattan moxy.
From the promo material the proceedings were to be somewhat of a take on Douglas Sirk, the melodramatic director of mid century classix like Magnificent Obsession and Immitation of Life. What i saw seemed more influenced by the German blue movie company Cazzo, and its Berlin Techno Dreams with Leigh Bowery enfluenced costuming via San Francisco´s Trannyshack.
Perhaps this production is a work-in-progress, and is still being shaped and fine tuned.

LOVE IS COLDER THEN DEATH
The Return of Ruth Fischer, my art rock band with kollective Cheap, and Mickey&Ibadette of Super 700 was a resounding success at the Re-Education event at Hau 2 Saturday evening. We opened the show with our short set, and i came up with the idea of our lovesexy costumes, wearing pantyhose as body stockings that each individual member could accessorize to suit their personality crisis. Its all about availabism, making use of what´s readily available. We looked good up on that stage, even though we are all hardly teenagers. Thank god we only perform once a year. You have to retain some sort of dignity when you´re long on the proverbial tooth. I did get a little carried away at the end of the set, with an impromptu shrimping.
From all the feedback I´ve gotten, the song "The Love Camel" is a definate hit parader. 100 paying customers had to be turned away, those who got in included: handsome art photog Ashkan Sahihi(The Cum Series),Paris "It" boy now relocated to Berlina, Christophe Chemin, beautifull Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, producer Mark Ronson, swarthy writer Titus Müller, hair hoppers Tan Bihn Nguyen & Armin Morbach, playboy socialite Patrick von Faber-Castell, stars of the Ian Curtis film Control-Alexandra Maria Lara, Sam Riley, academic hottie Nicole Wolfe with Empress Stefanie of the Arsenal, Nanna Heidenreich and her Angie Baby, Turkish love god Senol, Der Spiegel scribe Tim Stüttgen, experimental filmmakers Evelyn Rüssler, Isabelle Spengler, Vassily Bourakas, actress Maria Schrader(Amy&Jaguar),everyones sweetheart Anna Muelter, Kean Wong(CNN Indonesia)Gregor Gysi the head of Die Linke, Julius Bauer & posse, super studly Uli of the Berlinale´s Forum with his adorable girlfriend,Israeli video art star Keren Cytter who will have a short in The Berlinale that stars Susanne Sachße and Assaf Hochman(Cheap Blacky,Catherine Sullivan Troup)Hamburg heiress Vanessa Kuhlmann, the founder of Balzac Coffee with rock photographer Jameel Khaja, who use to be married to the daughter of Bob James, the guy who wrote the theme song to the TV show Taxi, Viola and L´Cavaliero, the activist performers with Spicy Tigers, and Sheila Chipperfield,the saucy bass player with Elastica, who was the fantastic DJ for the afterparty at the WAU Cafe that raged until 6am.
***
Barely had time to recoup, but i promised Joel Gibb i would see him perform at the Rote Salon of the Volksbühne along with Noblesse Oblige on Sunday evening. I had missed Joel, and his band perform last year at the Lido. My pretty baby diaper looked stunningly handsome on stage and was in fine voice, offering the audience a short but haunting set. The lucky onlookers included Joel´s latest paramour, the silver fox Weiland Speck, of the Berlinale´s Panarama Section, Gabriel of Gelitin, who have a huge show on Feb 29th in Paris, Sebastian from Cheap Jewelry, looking like a Muslim warrior with his full beard, and heavy lidded bedroom eyes, and cute video artist Keren Cytter with her Israeli brother Assaf Hochman.

LORNA IN LIEBE GEWIDMET
For all you Bay Area fans, my nutters installation "Present Penicative" will be part of a group show called The Way That We Rhyme: Women, Art and Politics at the Yerba Buena Art Center Museum in San Francisco, opening March 29th. More info about this as the date grows nearer.
***
Not long ago i shared a passionata kiss from a sweet lipped, tennis playing tranny chaser named Philip Kohlshreiber. Well i just find out he's won some major matches, and is a top seed player in the ranks. And to think, when he told me he played tennis, i thought he meant just for fun and exercise.
***
Another former trick, the philosopher Raphael Enthoven i recently discovered use to be with former model and singer Carla Bruni, who is now with the French President Sarkozi, and i had a dalliance with Sarkozi's hot blonde son Pierre.
***
Maila Nurmi died at age 86. Back in the 1950s she was known as the TV Horror hostess Vampira, and she also starred in the Ed Wood Schlock classic Plan Nine From Outer Space. Her look, along with that of Pat Bag of The Bags was appropriated by Elvira, Mistress of the Dark aka: Cassandra Peterson.
I performed on the same bill with Ms. Nurmi countless times at the old Anti-Club in Hollywood during the post punk 1980's with my blaxploitation punk outfit The Afro Sisters. My good friend, the magnificent writer Stuart Timmons even attempted writing a book about her, and lovers James Dean and Marlon Brando. She was really way ahead of her time, and back in the 1940s was one of the first women to wear a mohawk and liberty spikes on the west coast burlesque circuit.
***
One of my fav actresses of the 1960s Suzanne Pleshette died, aged 70. I will never forget her in the film A Rage To Live, opposite a young hairychested Ben Gazzara, and on back of a Vespa scooter with then husband Troy Donahue in Rome Adventure.

MORE AFRICAN LEADERS
Last rehearsal before performance, and we solidified set, and i hope our unique Ruth Fischer sound. Later in evening went to HAU 1 to check out Re-Education installations. Loved the videoloop 100 Years of the Hebbel by Daniela Comani, and US Go Home! by Annette Weisser.
Went to the Francisco Vizzoli bickerbache. I had met the lovely Italian princepessa years ago, before she fully launched herself upon the global marketa. She is one pleasant arts grifter extroidinaire, very easy on the hairy eyeball, with lots of big dique arrogance to spare. I like her. I´d love to see her do a video where she porkpie´s Ricky Martin, and as she removes her cockula from lady Martin´s asstrovar, Ricky has a nuclear projectile mudslide, thats like that scene from Tommy where Ann-Margret throws a bottle of champagne into a TV screen and baked beans come flooding out.

SAVE THE PLANET-KILL YOURSELF!
Cheap Gossip Studio/Berlinale meeting at WAU Cafe with Empress Stefanie and Nanna Heidenreich of Kino Arsenal. Got to meet the new cute, and intellectual looking intern Christian, plus get a preview of Isabella Rossellini´s installation for the Gossip Studio called "Green Porn" which is simply hysterical and beyond brilliant. I also like New York legend John Heys short subject film. Returning to the Berlinale´s Forum Expanded is Jerry Tartaglia with some more restored Jack Smith gems, French gamine Marie Losier, Guy Maddin´s "My Winnipeg 79" and Canadian art czarina Wayne Baerwaldt, floating about with all his hearty prairie blonditude.
A few nights later went to artist buffet at WAU for the You Too Can Be Like Us, Re-Education show. Ran into the Big Fat Art Group who are in town doing a show at HAU 1 with special guest stars, New York royalty Justin Bond of Kiki & Herb, Theo of the Lunachicks, lanky drink of water Shaun of the Toilet Boys and telenovella girl, and one hot latina mama--Viva Ruiz. Had a great time exchanging gossip with my old Manhattan comrades, and stuffing my lady face with food alongside Daniel "Modesto" Henrickson of Cheap, kJohnny Blue, delightful Anna Muelter, Miss Stefanie of HAU and Turkish hunkster Senol.

THE RICHES OF CUNTENT
Ruth Fischer songs started to come back to us at rehearsal, its a slow process though, as we haven't performed in over a year. All my rock music projects go in and out of hiatus---black fag, Cholita the female Menudo and Pedro Muriel & Esther(PME)
I always forget how much fun it is to be in a band. Being a loner, its nice to occasionally experience the cammraderie of the rock band. After rehearsals at the HAU studio space we ate din din at this lovely little Greek restaurant across the street.
For two days in a row the weather has been sunny and bright, which is almost unheard of this time of year in Berlin, which resembles more Seattle with the constant rain and or general dreariness. Before rehearsal yesterday i took a long walk all the way to the Tiergarten and back. So many hot humpy joggers out and about that i was pulling major lighthouse action on the street.
Our Ruth Fischer performance will be Saturday January 19th, 11pm at HAU 2. For those of you who are not in the know, Ruth Fischer is my little art band with kollective Cheap, that features the teenage Albanian supermodel and singer Ibadette and her cute boyfriend Michael Halves, who are also in the extremely popular German indie pop sensation Super 700.
For our konzert on Saturday, Ruth Fischer will open for Super 700 as part of the HAU Theatres thematic weekend conference "Re-Education---you can be like us!" curated and organized by Stefanie Wenner. This event is part of the 100 anniversary of Berlin's Hebbel Theatre. The participants of the conference feature a variety of international names in art, theatre, music, academia and film, which includes: Francesco Vezzoli, AES&F, Rosa Casado, Daniela Comani, Hasan Elahi, Harun Farocki, Hassan Khan, Wonder Koch, Fre'deric Moser, Philippe Schwinger, Rabih Mroue', Evil Knievel, Richard Schechner, Tirdad Zolghadr and The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion amoung others.
***
Tonight kollective Cheap gets together for brainstorming at my art studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta in Rote Insel. We have to iron out details for this year's Berlinale where we will once again, due to popular demanda mount The Cheap Gossip installation as part of Forum Expanded experimental wing of the Berlin Film Festival.
This year Isabella Rossellini is back, and will premiere some of her experimental films, and will participate with Cheap in our Cheapy Awards ceremonies, which should be a hoot. The festival runs from Feb 7-17th and the Cheap Gossip Studio will be housed at the Kino Arsenal foyer at Potsdamer Platz' Sony Center.

LOVESEXY,MUTIG UND NICHT ZU STOPPEN
Birthday celebrat for Cheap´s Dan Hendrickson aka: Modesto in Neü Koln. Miss Danny is quite the gourmand chefster and produced an enormous sampling of Turkish delicacies, items he ate on his last trip to Istanbul with lover Piero of la Collezione. Piero couldnt be at the party as he was off to Ethiopia brokering that countries political conflicts--such a humanitarian is the haute Mr. "P".
Enjoying the festive environ: fearless leader Susanne Sachße of Cheap with film historian Marcu Siegel,Tim Blue, butt girl Nanna Heindenreich with DJ gal pal Angie Baby, the empress of Kino Arsenal, and Germany´s hardest working woman--Miss Stefanie, who just put together the program for Forum and Forum Expanded for the Berlinale in February, and cute, cuddly Anna of the HAU.
You´ll never know who will be at a Cheap gathering, and this was no exception--we rubbed thighs with cine ingenue Danny Huston, the nephew of Angelika Huston, and grandson of legendary director John Huston, who was with his football star lover from Paraguay Roque Santa Cruz--between the two of them thats a lot of seminal emissions.
***
First day of location shooting at the Berlin Zoo for the short subject on philosopher Theodore Adorno called "Teddy´s Beastiary---Letters From the Parents" by the young visionary filmmaker Evelyn "Evi" Rüsseler. Her cinematographer is the strict professional Isabelle Spengler with assist by youngster Emri, the green eyed Israeli scenester who works as a bartender at the Barbi Deinhoff. Its a small crew, but a focused one. I havent been to the zoo since i was 8 years old. I´m not really an animal person. We filmed in the Hippo House, and i was fascinated by these prehistoric looking creatures, who have such large and expressively sad eyes. Its almost as if they know they are beautiful big pieces of jewelry trapped in a guilded glass cage. It made me want to become an animals rights activist, and release them immediately back into the wild. Zoo´s seem so archaic.
In the Monkey compound it was even worse, imagine a giant patrician gorilla, so powerful and majestic, made restless, bored and inert by captivity. Those poor creatures seemed like they were being driven out of their holy minds.
After a long day of shooting Evi took us to the Rooter Sand fish restaurant in Wittenberg Platz where we feasted.
BLONDINEN BEVORZUGT
Worked a bit on ICA London proposal at the Kunst Libray. Distracted by all the tall hunky blondine boys, though it was a full lipped, bubble butt ginger beauty in particular who sent me into high orbitinery --Wowzin!!!!
Cooked a post birthday din din for Tim Blue, and discussed our upcoming meetings for the performance workshops that we will be conducting with 100 hormonal teenagers. That Tim is such a delight to brainstorm with.
***
Second formal day of shooting on "Teddy´s Bestiary" this time the location filming begins in Kreutzberg with a friendly Turkish cabdriver, who i think is a tranny chaser, as he was very much interested in la diva-the Vagimule doll. If i didnt have to concentrate so much i would have been more flirtatious with him. Our home base for the shoot was a small cafe, where i ran into Javier Peres of Peres Projects Gallery and his bearded Muslim assistant John. Javier said he would be off soon to The Sundance Film Festival for the world premiere of Bruce la Bruce´s new film "Otto-Up With Dead People". Seeing Javier in the fleshy flesh seem to make it clear that the so called fued, that people have been talking about between Javi and his star artist Terence Koh was just a pranksterish publicity stunt---those devilish cardy tricksters.
Our second location for the day was a lovely apartment on Sanderstr, the home of a nice middleaged academic named Birgitte. In these scenes i played Adorno, his mother and opera singing Aunty. It was fun, but a long grueling day, that didnt end until 3am. I never lend my image to other filmmakers unless i really believe in them, and their project. I had seen another film of Evi´s that was filled with joy and whimsy, so i felt we were kindered spirits, plus she is so adorable, genuine,
and filled with love and a gracious spirit, that you really want to see her vision through to completion. Evi had seen one of my Porno Adorno pieces, and knew that i fit in with her ideas, so it was a perfect collaboration.
***
Cooked a humble proletariat meal for Dan Hendrickson of Cheap at my studio the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Was nice having some quiet time with Daniel, who is known for his power plowing style of penetration that always sends his lovers to the hospital for immediate repairs on their anus and sphincter muscles. Along with the rest of Cheap and Ibadette and Mickey of Super 700 we will begin rehearsals for our first Ruth Fischer art band performance in over a year---more on that later.

CHAUVE SOURIS
A few weeks ago Jean Spinosa and the Bricktops kids sent me a cute care packagina with love and kisses, and suddenly i was flooded by memories of Bricktops at the Parlour Club. Too bad it came to an end, with a sad aftertaste, but i should have known it would.
I was very much taken in by beautiful Andrew Gould, the Parlour Clubs peaches n cream complexioned British manager. He was so downright charming that i ignored the fact i couldnt stand from the very beginning his fussbudget of an older lover Lenny Young, who was the owner of the bar and a former low level Hollywood producer of films like James and the Giant Peach, Chicken Run and The Legend of Bagger Vance. I tried to convince myself that Lenny wasnt so bad, there must be something good about him or Andrew wouldn't be with him.
But it goes both ways in all fairness. Andrew felt so connected to me that he disregarded my divadom, that i need constant attention, supplication and devotion. We had a romantic, platonic friendship, and working together was quite pleasant for 3 1/2 years, so i don't have any regrets. I think at the end we both learned some valuable life lessonies.
From the beginning i didnt want to admit to myself that Andrew was a very normative young man. I have a habit of trying to turn people into things they are not.
One time i told Andrew that Lenny is a closet Republican, and he said that he wouldnt be with him if he was a Republican. Now i realize that Lenny is actually worse then a Republican he is a Tory.
I got such a hoot out of Franko B ruffling Lenny's feathers at a dinner Andrew hosted at their Los Feliz compound. I could tell Lenny was jealous of Franko's cute young boyfriend at the time Kris Canavan, and during drinks Franko shut him down in such a quiet, sly manner, Lenny fumed and left the room. Andrew even silently chuckled and i could tell he got a kick out of Lenny's defeat.
I'll always remember Summer Peaches cornering Andrew's wife, Charity Hope Valentine, in one of her more enebriated stages, and asking her point blank, why Andrew was with Lenny. I was a little shocked at Summer's boldness, i wouldnt have even asked that. Charity said quickly without thinking, "He's with him for the money".
I never thought that was completely true, as Lenny aint no David Geffen, and with Andrew's large penis, and British accent, if he was a real golddigger he could have done much better in Los Angeles then Lenny, who has money, but isn't super rich by any means.
I've learned that the mega wealthy faggots do prefer boys who aren't obvious or too sexy or muscled. And a European accent goes a long way in the class envious united statuals.
***
When i came back from Zagreb i had a pre Christmas drink with my Kino Arsenal/Cheap Gossip intern Julius Bauer at the Tuffstein Cafe. So nice sharing a brewski with a sensitive, beautiful and caring soul. There is hope for the young after all.
***
Christmas Eve dinner at teen scribe Travis Jeppeson's Moabite compound. A gourmound meal cooked by Polish lovers Lukas and Samuel. Lukas is a screenwriter and Samuel a student who also puts on the fledgling Queer Arts Festival in Krakow.
***
Christmas Day din din at Fearless Leader of Cheap, Susanne Sachße's celebrated Round Table with guests Marc Siegel, Nanna Heidenreich, Empress Stefanie of The Arsenal, The Blue Bros-Kjohnny and Tim, actors Yvonne Catterfeld, Oliver Wnuk, and Til "25 Centimeters" Schweiger. A meal at Suzi Su's is one coveted A list ticket.
***
I've decided that instead of celebrating Kwanza, i will start a new black ghetto holiday called Eleganza.
***
The Love Camel, aka Andreas Novarin, my Italian pal from London came to Berlin to spend the New Year's celebration with me. I met the Love Camel back in the 90s at the Gay and Lesbico film festival in Milan. No one makes me laugh like the Love Camel, he is sometimes so dry he's catatonic, and always has this startled look on his face. It was sweet of him to bring me a wonderful Christmas present of a mini DVD player, and his loving companionship. There is no one i would rather spend a holiday with.
Now i can watch films on this tiny little screen, smaller then a lap top. Its perfect for someone with a small flat, cuz it doesnt take up any room. Also to get a TV in Germany is expensive as you have to pay a monthly tax for having a TV and or a radio. The things we take for granted in the States.
***
I took Love Camel to Tim Blue's birthday party which was catered by Troy Lopez the Jamaican Celebrity Chef of Berlin. He made this scrumpteous Lamb Stew and a cake called Chocolate Genocide, which had more chocolate per square inch then any cake in Christendom. Enjoying one of the years's best soirees: The Arsenal Gang of Empress Stefanie, Nanna Heidenreich, Angie Baby and Isabelle Spengler, Wilheim Hein and photog gal pal Annette Frick, young, tight bodied French filmmaking sensation Michele Belague with his cute possessive girlfriend, and Greek film curator and muscular hunk, Vassily Bourakas with his energetic bright eyed pooch Smitty, lovely married EastAsian academics and party priestesses Bashcar and Bisnu, who i havent seen since my Club Sucker days, visiting from Californy,concert pianist David Patrick, Stefan Faupel and family, Marc Siegel, Susanne Sachße, Daniel Hendrickson of Cheap, Kjohnny Blue and pretty Nicole, the lovesexy scholar from London with her Scandanavian girlfriend. Of course Love Camel got drunk and went on a horndoggy rampage attacking a young cute blonde boy architectural student named Christian and some euro movie stars Muriel Baumeiser, Bastian Schweinsteiger and Pasquale Aleardi. Leave it to the Love Camel to come undone. Thats why i love him so.
***
The adventureous Love Camel discovered a small cafe in Mehringdamm called Avalon that has the best cake and Cappacinos in all Berlin. We ate there almost every day of his visit. I was also shocked by the DVDs Love Camel brought me of UK TV programs Bo Selecta, League of Gentlemen and Jam. I was surprised by what they can get away with on the telly in Britainia with all the nudity, sexual situations and foul, foul language.
***
First project for the new year. Working on a film directed by the great Evelyn "Evi" Rüsseler about Theodore Adorno and his love for the Hippo. Isabelle Spengler, a Cal Arts girl, is the cinematographer, and our first meeting yesterday was an utter delight---drinking wine, eating lots of food(Isabelle makes a killer tuna melt), but we also got down and dirty doing some hard serious work.

PAMELA ANDERSON LIZALA VRAT MADIONICARU
Why is it that everytime i travel there are only hideous, fugly business men, sallow obese families or ruddy mountaineers with three necks and no chin parked at my gate. Proper eye candy is just so hard to come by these days. It was great to get out of town, but i left the charcoal grey of Berlin for the bile grey of Zagreb and even colder weather.
Zvonomir "Zvonko" Dobrovic of The Queer Zagreb Festival(wwwQueerZagreb.org) invited me to come to Croatia earlier in the year when i met him at the Cheap Gossip Studio at the Berlinale. We clicked immediately, his peppy energy and ribald enthusiasm is so infectious. Queer Zagreb is a tiny little festival with lots of heart. Festival co-director Gordony Bosanac picked me up at the tiny aeroport and deposited "the doll" at a cozy lesbianic flat adjacent to the gorgeous city zentrum. Natasha "Rambova" Bodrozic, the vivacious festival executive producer came to fetch me after i napped and take me to look at Klub Global at Pavla Hatza, the only gay club in the village, and region. Its going to be the site for the closing night festival party that i named Sextette--Erotic Playground, from a campy late career Mae West flick from the 70s. I will act as exotic hostessa, DJ/VJane and visualist for the evening.
Originally they wanted the event to take place in an abandoned tunnel that housed raves in the 90s, but the city nixed that and i am glad---it would have been a disaster.
The festival tech coordinator isnt a very enthusiastic worker bee. Doesnt he realize that its considered a grievous faux pas in international art circles to say anything other then, "Yes, Ms. Davis, whatever you want Ms. Davis or the classic, Yes my darling Ms. Davis, i am merely a humble vassel to service your needs and inspirational will!"
And don´t let me get started about the bar manager a Lurch look-a-like fag who could only manage two expressions: glum and glummer. At this point i was thinking, what have i gotten myself into, but i also was dealing with an empty stomach which always leaves me feeling cranky to anyone who isn´t attractive or spunky.
Fortunately Zonko and his teenage half Brazillian, half German child bridestud Andre´Von Ah, whisked me to a quaint Italian bistro where all my holes got filled with grog and ale.
During the sumpteous meal i get filled in on Queer Zagreb projects like their Tashen style coffee table book "Oral History of Homosexuality in Croatia which features 25 people from the ages of 30-70 talking about socialist life when the country was part of Yuguslavia. They will also bring a documentary film called "Replaying the Balkans" to the Berlinale Film Festival in February, that traces through 30 movie clips the gay motives of cinematography in the regionale from 1945 - 2000.
There are only about 35 professional faggots in the Catholic/homophobe dominated country. At their last gay pride celebration a visiting Italian senator and his beau were attacked by a mob of fascists in broad daylight in the city square, and a molitov cocktail was thrown. Nice.
Back at my lesbian flat i read Sylvia Plaths´s The Bell Jar. There wasnt a TV, so of course i was a bit miffed. Traveling is the only time i get to watch the stoob tube. When i finally fell into a sound sleep i was woken by an incubus that looked like Franojo Tudmon, and this horny intity was desperately trying to penetrate my dry as a cactus pussy.
POSLATICA OD BAJAMA S LJUBAVLJU
On the day of the big event, Christina a stylish and efervescent arts presenter, who i met before in Ljubjana took me to luncheon at Cafe Nocturnal, and later for coffee and hairy eyeballing at The Argentine, where we gossiped about mutual friends & associates in the international live art scene. Cristina knows everybody, and she and the Croatian womenfolk are so god damn beautiful and seductive that even fags wind up turning straight, like Chris Kanavan of the UK ,when they come down to do a performance.
In the evening a twinky cutie pie pal of Cristina, "Johnny Darko" was my escort to the club. He was late, and was so ditzy he couldnt find the club at first, it was like the blind leading the blind. But it didnt matter, my make-up artist Martin, aka: Tranny Eyes of Laura Mars was also late. Laura is the only drag queen in greater Macedonia all the way to Thessalonika, so she is quite in demand, sweet and dumure.
Miss Natasha ran with my decorating ideas, and pretty soon the place was looking very lively, like a combination of my famed clubs Bricktops and GIMP, with a little Platinum Oasis thown in.
Some art smarty pants with lots of capital$$$ should finance my traveling Cheap Public Sex Arts Festival project. I´d make a great festival director.
The soiree started at 11pm, and the crowd loved my music and gonzo black porn images, as well as the abstract erotica of the great genius, Tim Blue of Cheap, which looked incredible in the small space projected behind me in the DJ both.
I only spun till 1pm, replaced by locals Michael, a younger, cuter version of the guy who runs the trendy nitespot Berlin Hilton and DJ Yas, a complete sweetheart of a man. As usual all the lesbianas and straight women flocked to me, wanting photo ops and such, but one blondine boy did ask for a kiss, and later in the evening after my set hit me up about whether i thought he had potential appeal to make it in Hollywood. Yikes!
The evening attracted a mixed crowd of everybody from weenagers to senior citizens, gay and straight, it reminded me of a small town gay bar atmosphere and that was a bit refreshing. I was shocked by the large amount of sport stars and national celebrities, who like the novelty of a gay club, and that there are few nightlife choices. Among the celebutants: Croatian TV´s Naked Chef, Sexy Maria of Belgrade who works for the minister of culture in Serbia, Dusko Sibl a famous Croatian painter who lives in London, Slavko Stafanovic a Belgrade basketball player, ladyboy killer Roland Mouret, the man famous for rejecting the sultry advances of Hollywood star George Clooney, footballers Davor Vugrinec, Igor Biscán, swim star Milorad Damjanic´and some reality TV personalities from the show Big Bros: Marko Grubnic, Vanje Halilovic and Antonije Stupar. I will get more reports on who was there and add them to the list later.
I could tell no one was going to be brave enough to take me home for a good plowing, though the hot dimunitive skinhead barback was giving me the most attention all night. I left at 2pm, but i heard the place raged on until 6am.
ZIDOVI KOJI GOVORE
My last evening in Zagreb, Zvonko and his teenage lover threw me a dinner party where they cooked a mixture Croatian/South American delicacies. The lovely table featured the divine Maria of Belgrade, my make-up artist Laura and her sweet softspoken pal Anna whose last named sounded like Pinkpornstar, and festival volunteer Marco with Bruce LaBruce´s dynamic star Daniel Belchior of Skin Gang/Raspberry Reich fame. In the morning Zvonko´s pretty fresh faced younger sister took me to the aeroport and i was more then ready to return to bleak Berlina.

AMITIE' AMOUREUSE
Berlin can sometimes get on a girls last raw nerve. Tricked with a handsome, muscular, ginger headed Babylonian Gorgon the other day who had one of the longest and thickest peterfications i have ever gazed upon in my life. And to complicate matters it wasnt a Rod Gerato like member, thats big and lumpy soaking up moisture like a sponge, but one of those giant dicks that is actually rock hard like Gibralter. Seems too good to be true, eh Demanda? Yes, the fool was more interested in showing me his bric-a-brac collection and assorted antiques then getting down to business and tearing up my hole. Only in Berlin kids, only in Berlin.
***
Love is a publicity stunt and making love after the first curious rapture is only another petulant way to pass the time.
***
Tim Blue and I met with Mijke, a sweet Dutch girl who works at the HAU theatre and is organizing these workshops that Tim and I will teach with 100 high school students in June. o lady the life you lead.
***
Anna and Christophe came over to the Cheese Endique Trifecta studio and i showed them some of my underground films including the latest one that i starred in for director John Aes-Nihil, which is a remake of Suddenly Last Summer, where i play the Katherine Hepburn role, with Jade Gordon of My Barbarian fame as Liz Taylor and the late, great Lance Loud as Princess Tinymeat, Monty Cliff. John Aes-Nihil is one of the Baltimore Four, the filmmaker friends that include Kenneth Anger, Barry Levinson and John Waters. Aes-Nihil takes about 10 years to finish one of his movies, his other classics include The Drift, starring Glen Meadmore, Goddess Bunny and The Tired Danielle of the Ephiphany which is a remake of the Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone, also The Ma Barker Gang and his most famous film The Charles Manson Murders. Aes-Nihil also has a pre punk rock band called Beyond Joy and Evil, that began in the late 60s and continue today, though performances are rare. BJ&E did perform at my old clubs GIMP and Bricktops.
***
Susanne Sachsee, the fearless leader of kollective Cheap and her lovely mother sent me a million delightful Christmas presents, wrapped so inventively that i didnt want to open them immediately. Everything was something that i desperately need for life in cold, damp Berlin. Items from the former GDR town of Jena where Suzi grew up. I have very thoughtful friends.
***
My Arsenal program Rising Stars, Falling Stars was incredible last night. We showed two movies by la grande mama of the Avant garde Germaine Deluc. L'Invitacion de la Voyage and Disque 957 accompanied by the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny. What a joyous event. It also turned into an thank you party for the cast and crew of Cheap Blacky. Germaine Deluc should be revered by anyone who loves outstanding filmmaking. This hot buttered lesbian was way ahead of her time is all i have to say.
Seen cavorting during the after screening reception: Filmmakers Heinz Emigholz with juicy assistant Lior, Isabelle Spengler, Dalia Neis and her smoking hot British/Israeli connection posse, Christophe Chemin, DJ Angie Baby, Wiebke the perky Arsenal intern, Arsenal director Empress Stephanie, Nanna Heidenreich, expert projectionist Ooshee, the friendly kasse girls Claudia & Grit, Tito and Wolle the technical directors of the HAU Theatre with the Hebbel's top gun Anna Muelter who along with Susanne Sachsee made the buffett spread, Cheaps Daniel Henrickson and Marc Siegel, Mama Mia make-up guru Tan Bihn Nguyen with hunky brother and pretty pal, concert pianist David Patrick of Jamaica, New York Times scribe Adam Fisher in town writing a piece on ex pats, Sam Riley who brilliantly stars as deathboy Ian Curtis of my favorite band Joy Division in the new movie Control. Zoo Magazine writer and sex god Travis Jeppeson who brought muscular Brit Gerald Butler and Bollywood movie stars and real life homosexy lovers Upen Patel and Rajnesh Duggal.

LORD LOVE A DUCK
One evening in January 1982 i was reading a book just before supper, in the Park Avenue apartment of a handsome, but vulgar investment banker. This man wanted me to take part in a sex party among government officials . . . due to a mere accident of birth, which at the time i took no notice of, i was erotically irresistible to men, but false humility was a gift i had been denied.
I had always been abnormally truthful, though it never occured to me to be vain about it. My integrity like my sexual beauty, came so naturally that i was quite mystified by the attention it drew. Thus it was that the bankers presumption in questioning my self-knowledge, which i specialized in, i saw through as a pathetically ill disguised alibi for keeping me in New York as his private property to flatter his ego. I left immediately for Philadelphia, packing only his first editions. Having often told him he was too stupid to appreciate them, i could not be so sanctimonious as to leave them in his possession. . .

IN FESSELN GELEGT,GESPANKT UND GEFINGERED
I knew that old WWII bombs, grenades and the like still turn up in and around Berlin, but i had no idea till a report on NPR that in the Western Front of WWI, that there are still unexploded grenades and shells, so many in fact that it would take 500 years to find them all. YIKES.
***
Anna and Miss Stephanie of the Hebbel took Assaf Hochman, Christophe Chemin and i to an American production at HAU I. It was nice seeing something in English, and the piece titled Songs of the Dragons Flying to Heaven by Young Jean Lee and her New York based Theatre Company was spirited. While i believe in supporting my Korean sistah´s! I wish i could recommend this production wholeheartedly. There are lots of great ideas floating about, but its a bit of a convoluted mess, like 15 different stage shows in one. I did like how she was attempting to tackle race issues in a non-dogmatic, whimsical fashion.
Several times i thought the work was going to pop, and it would always leave me frustrated. If i was Ms.Lee i´d develop the white guy/asian girl theme more. Replace Ms. Yamamoto as the lead with Margaret Cho. I did find the immasculated, bearded, lanky white dude Brian Bickerstaff sexy in a pigeon chested kind of way. Juliana Francis Kelly was just too Law & Order Special Victims Unit in her acting and stage presence for my taste, and what was with those ill stockings and Amy Winehouse ballet slippers the costumer had her wear. Oh and stark lighting never works, kill that please! The Korean chorus in folk costumes were the best part of this work, and whenever they disapeared i kept wanting to go back stage and bring them out again.
***
Wonderful dindin at Tim Blue´s flat. We havent´t been able to spend any quality time together, and he is one of my favorite peeps, with an insight that is always glowing and very right on Maude! After supper we had a drink at the Frankenstein 5000 bar also known as Ficken. It was fugly saturday nite fever, as the place was filled with some of the most hideous creatures i have ever seen in Berlin, short of the Kottbusser Tor crusties.

MARJORIE MORNINGSHTAR
A Reis Chicken is the Muslim Popeye´s Fried Chicken of Berlin town. Located in the working class Neu Köln area. I love oogling all the humpy turks in white pants, and swarthy A-rabs that leave my dry pussy very,very wet.
***
Time to reflect. Without generosity in the arts, there are no artists perfectly developed. Proust----a big YES!!!! Henry James---NO! Greta Garbo----Yes! Dietrich----No! Judy Garland-----triple dipple YES YES AND MORE YES! Frank Sinatra----a sad downcast eyes, NO! David Wojohowitz---Yes. Terence Koh---No!

SCHON KLAR UND WELCHE WÖRTER SIND DAS?
I think i forgot to mention that i went to see Ulrike Ottinger´s 1980s film re-telling of Dorian Gray starring Verushka. Ms. Ottinger creates lovely imagery, but she needs Jackie Reynal to edit for her. Film historian Marcu Siegel conducted a masterly interview with the legendary Verushka after the screening at Kino Arsenal.
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Celebrity studded luncheon at Suzi Su´s Prince Lauber compound featuring Parisian wunderkind Christophe Chemin, directors The Reding Twins, ingenue Emma de Caunes, Yves St. Laurent designer Stefano Pilati,and studly uber manlische Nicolas Fargues. The food never stopped coming, and of course it was all deliciously served with the fervant Sachsee charm.
***
Caught the end of an NPR report on oil company conspiracy theories. Well my little lady view is: as the sunflower follows the sun by nature, so it is by nature that the oil companies rob the world. They do not have to get together and conspire to do what they have been doing since they came into existance.
***
An A-list actor acquaintance of mine, surprised me with a phone call. How he got my telephone number is beyond me, but he wanted to get my opinion on his performance in a new movie he stars in. Why he should care what i think, living among the elite in Hollywood as he does, is a subject i have ceased to chow down on.
However he was so urgent over the phone, and seemed so attached to this new project that I promised to watch the movie when its released in Berlina, and write a report on my blog.
Years ago i learned that truth is not the answer people seek when it comes to appraisel of their creative work. I can only hope that this new film won´t make it to Europe,and will receive a sympathetic burial, which according to what i have read about it online---- the entire premise seems silly, and useless as a vehicle for this particular actors imposing manly charms. o Ms. Davis why are you such a bitchina!

THE RICHES OF ADVENT
Discovered a new German religious observation called Advent. Never heard of it before, i guess its a Protestant thing, buts it happens on the Sunday leading to Christmas.
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Hung out with LA art photographer Beth Herzhaft and her New York editor pal. Had a lovely time connecting with a native Angeleno, who although we've never met, we know all the same people from the punk and post punk scenes. She happens to be good buddies with one of my LA Weekly editors Robert Lloyd and grumpy Phil Heath of CowPoo and Re-Mix dead stock vintage apparel fame.
***
Gorgeous Dinette Set luncheon at Fearless Leader of kollective Cheap Suzi Su's compound with the Blue Bros- KJohnny & Tim, and film historian Marcu Siegel. Some crazy gnut emailed me about the Blue Bros. So many people read this blog, and i forget that sometimes. Well this wacko has a thing for twin bros, and somehow he thinks from my mentions in this bloggo, that The Blues are identical homosexual twin lovers. Talk about projecting his own fantasies on them. The guy came all the way from Miami to attend the premiera of Cheap Blacky just in the hopes of seducing the Blues, only to be disapointed that they weren't identical twin brothers. Not only are they not twins, they are 10 years apart in age, and one brother is gay and the other hetero. But this crazo has the nerve to complain to me that i mislead him.
***
Return of Max und Moritz at Parkaue. Lots of young trendies at the Saturday performance. I guess its people checking out the piece after the success of Cheap Blacky. Too bad the Parkaue will discontinue M&M at the end of the season next year. So go see it while you can. Anna and Christophe Chemin came on Sunday, the cast was in fine spirits with everyone ad libbing, and having a joyous good time. Frau Schuster was incredible!!!! Afterwards Anna and Christophe took me to the Mehringdam German Country restaurant Deitrich's where i had a heart meal---yummy.
***
I never go to house parties, but i attended the house warming of Senol and Angie on Saturday night. Senol and Angie both worked on the set for Cheap Blacky and are wonderful. Angie was the spinderella behind the wheels of steel and did a great job keeping the party energy super high. Usually houseparties in Berlin are a dull affair, but this one was rocking! I danced, flirted and danced some more. Great talking with pretty Michaela, Nico and the bbooks kollective posse. Booty princess Nanna Heidenreich and I led the freak dancing. Tall, elegant and handsome Ulli who i have such a schoolgirl crush on, with his fun loving and cute girlfriend are my big mama favorites. It was also nice to see Sasha with his pectoral implants. He just completed his disertation, plus a multitude of other beauty pies.
***
Years ago in LA i gave my old editor-in-chief at the LA Weekly a copy of a book i was writing called The Naked Goat, she thought it was good and passed it on to some well known New York editors at a major publishing house. Now it seems like they want to publish this novel of sorts. Life is sooo strange. I usually get tons of emails from publishers who want me to do an as-told to book about all the famous people i have the dirt on. When i mention to them that i have my own writing work, they condescendingly say to send them a complete manuscript, and they will look at it, as if i had nothing better to do but write books for their ok. Tired!!!
So as not to jinx The Naked Goat, i will just say that its a book divided into 9 self contained chapters: High Ranks, Ruined, The Cost of Star, Expectorant Angel, The Black Orchid, The Belle Falls, Excitement me, Broader Fields and The Silver Salver. Its autobiographic but in a sly way i write mainly about others, but throw in stuff about myself, so i tell the absolute truth without incriminating anyone by name. I originally wrote it very quickly and forgot that i gave it to Sue Horton, then editor of the LA Weekly, and that she recommended it to her New York editor friends. We´ll see if anything comes of it, and with my luck, nothing will.
***
Living in Exile here in Germany from Hollywood can sometimes be a hoot. At the library i keep abreast on things by reading the Guardian, and The Hearst International Paper, and at home i listen to NPR Berlin, and The BBC on the radio. I am forever struck by the fact that politics and money, and how these most complex dealings in human mischief are ruled by the most ordinary men who achieve wealth and power simply by fitting neatly into their appointed slots without disturbing the bureacratic or organizational machinary. From this point of view President Shrub could not have avoided being elected even if he wanted to.

LAST EMBRACE
Cheap Blacky production coordinator Anna came over to my Cheese Endique Studio for a sweet visit to cheer me up from my post Cheap Blacky depression. Anna brought with her some delicious dainties made from the former pastry chef of Berlin's famous Adlon Hotel. We had a wonderous girlie time, laughing and hooting it up royally. A few days later Christophe Chemin, the "It" boy from Paris cooked a sexy gourmand meal for me and Anna at his Mehringdamm flat. We watched several Cheap Blacky documentation videos, and in between critiquing, gossip and overall merriment, a lot of joy was spread like almond butter.
***
Went to see the Keira Knightly film Atonement that co-stars the bubble butt, tiny young British actor James McAvoy, who i met during Berlinale early in the year. He is even cuter in person then he appears on film. Too bad he is soooo damn demunitive.
The only thing men that small are good for is sitting on raw faces.
Speaking of the Berlinale. By popular demand Cheap is going to recreate our infamous Gossip Studio. This year we will also debut the Cheapy Awards as a companion piece to the Gossip Studio. More details forthcoming.
***
Next time you read this blog, you will get to be the first ones to sneak peak a new written series called Cornelius.

CINE CLUB
Gorgeous preseco pre-party at the Arsenal on Thursday with Empress Stefanie, Nanna Heidenreich and handsome Ulli in the Forum offices before my 2nd Rising Stars, Falling Stars silent movie presentation. After lots of primping, make-up and hair we all went down stairs for the program feeling a little toasty and bursting with love. Being with the Arsenal gang helped to shake away my post Cheap Blacky blues for good. Thank heaven for the Kino Arsenal, Miss Stefanie and her rock steady crew for my deliverance!!!
The divine Eunice Martin was in excellent form accompanying the films Fie´vre by Louise Delluc, and Man Ray´s Emak Bakia. After the screening we engaged in a delicious woman2woman conversation. I have to make a point to get Eunice invited to America to accompany the many silent film programs there, her style would be a revelation, and put a crimp in the tired boys club that is so prevalent there.
The celebs in attendance this month: Evie of bbooks,Tim Blue, Marc Siegel, Daniel Hendrickson of kollective Cheap, sexy Spanish siren Cristina with Wolfgang of Discoteca Flaming Star, Austrian poetess Sissy Tax, underground film guru Wilhelm Hein and his lovely art photographer girlfriend Annette Frick, Arsenal intern Weibke and her posse of 1920s inspired glamazons, Berlin legend Zazie de Paris, who rode her bike all the way from Charlottenberg, The Hebbel Theatre´s darling Anna Muelter, Parisian wonder boy Christophe Chemin, It Girl Angie, artist DL Alvarez and his posse of über friendly, fun and vivacious arganauts, theatre director Hans-Werner Krösinger(Beirut Report) actor Moritz Bleibtreau, Queeny German film comic Hape Kerkeling, and newly out lesbiana, and TV presenter for teutonias most important news program, the L-sexy Anne Will.
***
Sad note. I won´t mention his name, at this time, but an internationally known scenester passed recently. He made a career of his emotions. Periods of work or well endowed lovers were terminated by his frightening, abandoned laughter of despair and failure. Only his death this week, achieved in a fifth suicide attempt, could be termed a success.

SLASHING PATRIARCHY
The week run of Cheap Blacky directed by Judy LaBruce at HAU 2 is over. I am exhausted from the experience, so completely drained i can barely write this blog. Our little performance piece shattered box office records. Every performance with sold out with SRO seating, and this without the benefit of local reviews. The local press didnt know what to make of it, so they just ignored it. Good for them! A lot of people saw the performance two or three times, so we got a lot of repeat business clamor.
In reporting on the opening i left out a few names like artist Dean Samashima, and his cute curly haired asssistant, producer and filmmaker Jurgen Bruning, Berlin cabaret legend Zazie De Paris,Niko,Micheala,Evie and the divine Allessio of bbooks kollective.
I am still getting names, so the list will continue.
On closing night it was great to see Sebastian who performed in the first Cheap project in 2001, Cheap Jewelry. He has shaved off his blondine locks, and grown a Muslim style beard, which is very manlische on him. He still has his rock hard bubble butt.
I am still so overwhelmed by this production i can barely type a sentence. Since this piece was commissioned by two other theatres in Hamburg and Zurich, we will be traveling there next year as well as Austria and all through France and Belgium. Get ready for Cheap Blacky at a European city near you.

NEUE UFER
I´ve been getting a bunch of emails from LA folks who are coming to Berlin for a visit.
Texas Terri of the power pop band Texas Terri and the Stiff Ones, actually lives here in Berlin now and she sent me a sweet emug that she heard about Cheap Blacky and wants to come and see it.
***
After i perform for the closing night festivities for this festival in Zagreb in December i will get a chance to hang out with my old pal the Love Camel of Milan, who now lives in London. Love Camel is sooo quiet, and unobtrusive that sometimes you forget that he is even in the room with you. I love people with that kind of energy.
***
Got word from poor Glen Meadmore that he was robbed at Uzipoint in Frogtown(Atwater Village)in Los Angeles. The poor queen could have been killed. I love her to death, and worry about her constantly. Thank god she is going on tour next year with her band, of a few european countries. Talk about someone who is not appreciated in the states. Ms. Meadmore is an underrated genius.
Heard that my drag daughter Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer fame moved back to LA. I never ran into her once, since i moved here, and when i had my sublet, someone said she was staying just around the corner from me.
It seems like every time i go into Nollendorky Platz i run into someone from my past. The other evening i bumped into a queen i use to see from the saunas in LA, i don´t know his name, he was just a tired black sauna woman, who would wear a wool hat haunting the halls of the Midtown Spa. I guess she wore that hat because she was bald or something. The queen had a million questions for me about life in Berlin, but i wasn´t feeling her, so i escaped her grip poste haste. Before that i ran into Lawrence Elbert at the grizzly, salty dog gay bar Sheune. I didnt even recognize him until he came up to me to say, "Hi". Lawrence actually has some talent as a cinematographer, so he should go far in the mainstream film world he covets so. Since i meet so many people from working with the Sundance Film Festival, and the Berlinale, i should recommend Lawrence for a job, he won´t appreciate it, but so what?

SCHATZ DU HAST EIN GANZ SCHÖN KORPER
Premiera of Cheap Blacky, and as usual evertime i perform its like the first time. I always get super nervous. I guess thats what gives me my edge. Been fighting a sore throat and the re-occuring knee problems that come with being elderly. Fortunately Anna, our super sonic production coordinator ran and got me some über anti-inflammatories that got me through the performance-thank god. The show went well. Director Judy LaBruce did a great job pulling it off, and with help from an expert lighting tech Hans,plus Tito and Reiner in the sound depart and all the wonderful tech guys at HAU 2 who always go way beyond the call of duty for Cheap.
Our show was the hottest ticket in town, with a sold out SRO crowd, which helped our ensemble sparkle. The biggest new discovery being Tan Binh Nguyen, our make-up designer, who besides beating a fierce face is quite a stage force, quietly stealing the show. German audiences are notoriously hard to read, but they are polite and reserved so its difficult to gage their true feelings. This particular piece is such a tour de force with Christophe Chemins fantastiche videos and set, and the glorious original music of the Blue Bros, and Daniela Modesto and with the language barrier, since the majority of the textis in English, that i believe its a lot to process all at once. Plus they don't have a reference point for this kind of work.
I was very happy with my performance nonetheless, and proud of my fellow Cheapies who tore up from the floor up. Special thanks to Rick Owens and his assistant Asha Mines. Rick really came through for his old LA girlfriend designing the costumes and making me a brand new gown that included a fox stole---can we talk glamour here.
Our after party was downstairs at WAU Cafe with the great Peaches and her honey Conny, tag team DJing. The atmosphere was very festive indeed. Of course my anti-inflams wore off and my knee kept me confined to a corner holding court, until a boxum blondine lad of 19 or so gave me some opiate in the form of a tiny pill which immediately downing with mineral water and a champagne chaser i was ready for the Boston Marathon. It would have been a pity to sit during a rock set of tunes that Peaches compiled that included Danzig, the B-52s Siouxie and the Banshees, so i got my lady dance on.
Here is the preliminary account of the celebutants, i will be adding to the list as information is confirmed and re-confirmed: Ibadette and Mickey One of the rock band Super 700, Cyril Duval, creative director of Item Idem and former editor of Tokyion Magazine who also designed the Bernard Wilhelm flagship store in Tokyo. Carl Hegemann of the Volksbühne, Barbara Weber, the artistic director of Theater am Nemarkt in Zurich, Troy Lopey, caterer to the stars, big diqued blue movie star Tim Kruger, Stefanie and Nanna of Kino Arsenal and the Berlinale's Forum Expanded who brought a virtual plethora of VIP guests with them including artists and filmmakers: Ulrike Ottinger, Louis Schneider & Arne Hochne of Piff Media, the Double Visions crew of Pablo de Ocampo(Images Festivial Toronto) Doina Popesco of the Goethe Institute Toronto who is the main organizer of the famous Experimental Film Congress whose new edition will be in the year 2009. Ms. Popesco was very lovely and charming, and would like to see Cheap Blacky come to Toronto, which would be great, but i don't think Cheap Blacky will be seen any time soon in the Americas.
Lauren Howes director of CFMDC, Christina Battle, Phil Huffman, Steven Andrews, Natascha Sadr Haghigian, Isabell Spengler, Rainer Bellenbaum, Erica Claus, the minister of culture with the Canadian Embassy, cute and delightful Arsenal interns Weibke and Julius. Cheap pals Annette Fricke, Wilhelm Hein, Evie of the b books kollective, Travis Jeppeson from Zoo Magazine and his lover Mario, Yusuf of Basso,
and well stay tuned to this blog because i will get all the gossip and scandals of that night in the next few days.

ALL THAT HEAVEN ALLOWS
Press rehearsal went well, and we got to work on ironing out some nagging problems with Cheap Blacky. Love the set that Christophe Chemin designed. Its very ill. No one makes this woman laugh more then my little french kitty Christophe, who is quite the Paris "It" boy, and is very popular with the mensis, who all kill themselves to chug on his huge gallic peterkus. After rehearsal and din din Bruce, Anna, our amazing production coordinator and all around keep-it-2gether girl, and Christophe went to see Jörg Buttgereit´s piece Captain Berlin versus Hitler at the HAU Eins. It was delightfully trashy, and since i am such Hitlerphile i could understand most of it, though it was all spoken in German. It was an obvious homage to the shlock movie classic, "They saved Hitler´s Brain". I thought that they could have gone a little further and made it more raunchy, with some fleshyness, and the piece is ripe for the musical treatment, which seems like the natural way to go, and i am surprised they didnt do that. But when most German theatre is sooooo sombre and dry, this was a nice wacky and refreshing treat. At the after party Judy, Anna and I hung out with the director and his wife talking about mutual comrades in arms Abel Ferrera, Asia Argenta and Joe Coleman.

DICTATION? NO REFLECTION
Cheap Blacky rehearsals are taking shape on the big HAU 2 stage. Our "little Kenneth Anger musical" as the press is calling it, is turning into something special. I love working with our cute dorky lighting tech Hans and his lanky blondine assistant Max. Remind me to perform fellatio on them, after the premiera.
***
You never know who you´ll run into in Berlin! Pleasant surprise bumping into Lawrence Elbert, who was my editor and DP on my 90s era experimental short subjects "Designy Living", "VooDoo Williamson" and "The White To Be Angry" He´s aged well--they make em big and brawny in his native state of Texas. In his youth Lawrence had one stunning body, and a bubble butt you could build a dream on. Not many white boys can boast of a high top round asstrovar of corrogated steel.
Lawrence and I had a falling out years ago, I´m sure it was all my fault, being that i am one self-absorbed bitchina, who gets easily offended, and if you look at me the wrong way i will send you into permanent exile. Many have been banished from the orbit of la diva, for the most minor crimes.
Actually Lawrence and I had a few great years collaborating on projects. I never thought we´d get along, as we are from such different worlds. I am not a middle class lady, so i don´t tend to gell with people from that kind of a background, especially gay men who are very ambitious and careerist.
Lawrence and I worked together on an awful Rosa Von Praunheim short for German television called "May I Be Your Bratwurst" Ms. Von Praunheim was quite handsome when she was young, and even up into becoming middle aged. She´s 65 now and Berlin is honoring her with a restrospektacle. It must be hard for a great male gay beauty to age. Male egos are fragile and gay male egos are even more brittle.
I am so glad i was never coveted for my looks or sexual prowess. I am a fascinating monster because of my intellect, or lack of it. I´m glad that cute young people are still drawn to me, and my work.

MEINE LIEBEN
Met those frisky teen lovers Travis and Mario at the Nobel Elf with Simon and Derek of the Bromley contingent. Siouxie Sioux sends her love to la diva Davis. I hated that i had to miss her new solo show here in Berlin at Columbia Hall. I had rehearsals with Cheap Blacky and then i was taken to a big dinner by Mattias, the head honcho of the Hebbel Theatre. The boys told me that a crazy woman stabbed three people at the performance with a pair of scissors. The divine Siouxie is a single woman, she and her husband Budgie are now divorced. I´d love to see Siouxie with a hot young stud paramour. I need that for myself, now that my Aryan ginger Viking trick has fled the premises. His last utterance being, "the woman in you is driving me to madness!" Oh welpsis, story of my life. Whenever i DJ i always play Siouxie and the Banchees "Hong Kong Garden" which never fails to rouse the kiddies.
The Cheap production of Max und Moritz resumed this week, so between rehearsals with Cheap Blacky, directed by Judy LaBruce, and the M&M´s i am tired and worn. The Cheap Blacky premiera is Monday November 12th with an afterparty at the WAU cafe, where Peaches will DJ. The Berlin run is from Nov 15-17 only, then we travel next year to Hamburg, Zurich, Vienna, Saltzburg, Graz and the whole of France. Perhaps even a city near you if you´re lucky.
***
Lawrence Roberts of Holy Tit Clamps fame sent me a copy of his latest CD, Meet the Griffles with his enchanting band The Winsome Griffles, who were favorites at Bricktops in Los Angeles, and have just returned from a tour of the east. Their record is charming and my favorite songs on the album are the Roberts penned ditties "Atheist Gospel Song" and "Crush Me". Do yourself a favour and go to www.myspace.com/winsomegriffles and order your copy today.
O and one more shameless plug. Mark in your calenderia Sunday, November 22nd for the Rising, Stars, Falling Stars at Kino Arsenal at the Sony Center at Potsdamer Platz where i will host a screening of the experimental silents Fievre 1921 by Louis Dellucs and Emak Bakia 1927 by Man Ray along with a conversation with the luminous Eunice Martins who will accompany both films on piano. After the screenings stay for a wine reception that features music,a film star photo collage and an erotic installation in the red foyer. Dress 1920s style, and be creative, its not that hard.

TANTALISE-WO WO EE YEH YEH
Went bar hopping the other evening with teen lovers Travis Jeppeson and Mario who were giving the royal treatment to visiting dignitaries Simon "Six" Barker and Derek Dunbar, formerly of the UK 80s band Jimmy The Hoover. My cousin Karla Maddog Duplantier was the bands drummer, and she is still the wife of Derek, who use to be a top male model besides being a rock star. Malcolm McClaren use to be the manager of Jimmy the Hoover, whose hit record was produced by Steve Levine of Culture Club fame. Jimmy the Hoover scored one mega UK hit, their way ahead of its time sound was ripped off by Tears for Fears. My creole cousin Karla was also a LA punk pioneer in the band The Controllers, and even did a stint in my group Cholita, the female Menudo. Karla is one of the most underrated talents of the punk era.
Simon and Derek have been lovers for 32 years, and now live in Prague where Simon works as a top fashion photog. It was great hanging with them and visiting the Berlin hustler bars Tobascos and Blue Boy, where we saw the same Romanian concubine who latched himself to Judy LaBruce a few days earlier.
Last night the director of the HAU theatre, Mattius Lienthal, generously took all of the Cheapies to a wonderful expensive Austrian dinner and drinks in Kreuzberg. A delightful time was had by one and all.

TIEFSEEABENTEUER
Had a nice little meeting with cute Balkan arts programmer/curator Zvonomir and his producing partner. We settled everything for my coming to Zagreb soon to present one of my infamous living installation closing night parties for their latest arts festival. Also got to meet Zvonimir´s incredibly beautiful Brazilian beau.
***
Check out the latest issue of Butt Magazine from Holland. The lady Ms. Davis is interviewed and photographed by Judy Labruce and its a riot. Went to Gayhane, the salon oriental with Travis Jeppeson and Mario. I´ve never seen so many ill queens or bad fashion outfits. Very entertaining evening. Had a flirtation with a muscular big dicked Columbian and he sniffed at my hole----yummy.

GIVE PIECE OF ASS A CHANCE
Went back to see more screenings of the 2nd Annual Porn Film Festival at the appropriately named Kant Kino. Watched a classic blue movie from the 70s starring Harry Reemes as Dr. Snake. Hysterical! Like an avant garde film, and so playful in tone. Harry has a magnificent body, all hairy and cocksure, though he is a complete dorkus of the first magnitude.
Saw the Judy LaBruce lesbian short, that is also riotous! It was quite the crowd pleaser. The other films in the program were a bit spotty. I did like this Italian kids collagey erotic short subject, and a French dykes female ejaculation porn had some good ideas, but the flow was just too stark and cybortic to really win me over. Some New York pornographer who works for such mainstream porn outfits as Hustler and Penthouse presented a film with this Cambodian woman shooting milk enemas that while at times very funny, missed the mark with its attempt at bringing in a political commentary on the media and gentrification. If anything the film worked the opposite affect making you long for gentrification, anything to stop the flick from continuing.
Afterwards Judy, Anna from the HAU, teen stars Travis & Mario, and I went to drink at the Blue Boy Hustler Bar. One of the few rent boy bars i´ve never been to. Loved it! The hot concubines were in full force, and some of them were beyond amazing.
***
Received a wonderful surprise care package from Jean Spinosa and all the Bricktop kids. It warmed my black lady heart, making me feel trully missed and cared for.

MIT BESTEN EMPFEHLUNGEN
DJ/VJane for the opening party of the porno film festival. Had a riotious good time spinning my crazy brand of music. Lots of sexy boys and girls abounding. I don´t think that people realize that i play music from bands and individuals that is given especially to me, and that no other dj owns or has a copy of. I´ve been around long enough to know all the greats, from Dolly Parton to LeTigre, and i have special re-mixes that you´ll only hear from lady me!!!! The only odd thing about the porn party was they had some funky dude in a pony tail doing bad spoken word early in the evening. The special abstract porn that Tim Blue of Cheap made for me, was also a big hit at the Porn Party and at the Queer FM soiree in Vienna. Wish i could have stayed longer DJing, but i had Cheap Blacky rehearsal bright and early. Thank you to all who came out to hear me spin behind the wheels of steel.
Had a fabulous dinner at the Austrian restaurant in Fredrichshein Park with Marcu, Suzi and Marcu´s mother and cousin from the states. I love Austrian food. When i was in Vienna, Ali and Papi took me to this cute place for luncheon right next door to my hotel Fürstenhof, which is the Vienna version of the Chelsea where all the rock gods stay when in town.
Went to see a screening of the Israeli erotic film Too Hot in Tel Aviv, with DJ Snax, Travis Jeppeson and his smoking hot Slovakian lover Mario. The Israeli film is genius, with some of the most incredible hunks i have ever witnessed on the silver screen. Even the tiny Israeli director was too hot for words. I told him i will buy his next blue movie if he appears in it. Even Jurgen Bruning who facilitated the Q&A was noticeably vaklempt by this young strkingly beautiful jewish child. After the flicker we walked down to Francisco, the wrinkle bar for some drinks. All the elderly faggots were in a tizzy over the youthful Travis and Mario. They don´t get a chance to see such fresh faced and well scrubbed teenage boys, who still have their bloom on. A lot of the Germany teens can look a little worn for the wear, if you know what i mean. I´ve been getting lots of emails from the states by mydirty old men blog subscribers who want to know more about Travis and Mario. Someone even asked me what do they smell like?

ADDENDUM KALEDUM
I didnt get any sleep before my Arsenal program, so i performed like a zombie. Thanks to eveyone who showed up. Just got word on some more dignitaries that attended Rising Stars Falling Stars: cultural critic Diedrich Diedrichsen, art historian Juliane Rebentisch, Anna from the Mountain installation dressed in prestine 20s garb, actor and musician Stefan Faupel(Stoffel Fliegt Ubers Meer) and director Todd Verow.

FLESH FOR LULU
Last night at Kino Arsenal was the premiere of the new film series Rising Stars, Falling Stars, that i am hosting, and it was a major success. I performed along with Lars Von Trier darling Daniel Hendrickson on piano. The print of Pandoras Box was strikingly restored, and Eunice Martin who accompanied the film, made me feel like i was seeing the movie for the first time, and indeed in many ways its like i was reborn anew.
Empress Stefanie, my new name for the director of the Arsenal, is such a joy to work with, and she loaned me some of her personal jewelry collection when i forgot a special necklace that went with my haute coutour(i am an awful speller) outfit. Of course Nanna Heidenreich, Empress Stefanie´s right hand girl was there helping me as well, and young jewel Julius Bauer, the Arsenal intern who translated the Italian title cards. Julius also worked very hard on making the event shine. Also many thankx and kisses to the Kassa girls, Arsenal Staff and Ooshee, the top rate projectionist-she´s no nonsense with a heart of gold. Great seeing Peter of the Parkaur Theatre, Troy Lopez, the handsome Blue Bros. KJohn and tim,fearless leader Suzi Sue, Marc Siegel, his mother and cousin, composer David Woodward, Assof Hochman, Parisian "It" boy Christophe Chemin, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras with his Canadian posse, German underground legend Zazie De Paris, Marcian, Michele Baglerue, beautiful Uli, who just returned from Japan and brought la diva some gorgeous, spiritual, sumu wresting cards. Anna of the Hebbel Theatre, Zoo Magazine writer Travis Jeppeson with his lover Mario and many more celebutants. i will get the full list of who´s who later and report back to you. I am exhausted from not having had much sleep with all my traveling, so i will now retire to coma land.

ANDREA DWORKIN LIVES
Whirlwind couple of days for the old lady Ms. Davis. Invited to old Vienna, Austria where i did my performative DJane/VJane set for FM Queer which is part of the Austrian Broadcast Corp, a national public radio station. Claudia and Martin from the station put on this big party several times during the year and its always a sensation. Last year JD of LeTigre and Joel Gibb of Hidden Cameras DJ´d. For this year bands like Lesbians on Ecstasy from Toronto performed along with TNT Jackson, Jean Genet from the UK and DJs Czesch Pieper and Hölzl Dasem. Cute Martin and pretty Uta picked me up from the aeroport and took me to a wonderful Austrian style dinner. Austrian food is much better then German food, and i pigged out on a feast set before my large gullet. The next day Ali Janka of Geliten fame and his lover, Papi Choulo Baby took me to a sumpteous lunch, and a little sight seeing including a stop at the piss eleganza Savoy, which is filled with rough around the edges Balkan hustlers. The evening of the party Wolfgang, a high fashion makeup artist who does the Paris runway beat me a fine glamour face, and my escort to the party was sexy middle eastern radio diva Riem. We bonded immediately and became best girlfriends.
Everything went well, but being the kind of woman i am, of course there was a bit of controversy. A group of anti porn lesbian feminists objected to my gonzo black straight porn images that i was showing. I was surprised that in Europe that kind of polemic would arise. Thats something i would expect in puritanical and brittle Amerikkka, but not in Austria, though they do have a right wing government in power, but the dated PCness was unexpected and caught me by surprise. I guess black sexuality is still super frightening to the white bourgeois and middleclass who think of themselves as progressives, but in actuality aren´t. At the party there was a group of pro porn feminist who got angry that i stopped showing the images. I also brought gonzo gay porn, but the DVD player wouldn´t read it. Thankfully Tim Blue of kollective Cheap made me a DVD of his excellent abstract porn which looked lovely on the giant screen and his politically charged images memsmerized the crowd.
And people loved the music i played, plus i got to tag team with one of the cultural bureau house DJ´s whose name is Marty, and we had a fun time trying to keep up with each other. I adore Vienna, and would love to come back in the spring for a getaway.
All the Geliten crew stopped by to see me spin, and even easy target Heiko, my nemesis curator from Steirersher Herbst Festival came up to the booth to warmly greet me.

CONJUNCTION JUNCTION
Invited to Travis and Mario`s for din din where sweet 14 year old Mario cooked a delicious feast of the ages. The boy is beautiful and is a gourmand. Wowza!!!!
I showed them some footage of Cheap projects and other Vaginalic ephemera.
Went on a super promotional day all over Berlina leaving fliers for my big program at the Arsenal. Met two very sweet ladies who own gorgeous vintage clothing stores. One around the corner from me and the other in Prenzlauber, and the lovely lady proprietess of that boutique is a 1920s fanatic, and is good friends with Ibadette and Mickey One of the Super 700. How`s that for surendipity? Her Shoanhauser Allee boutique is bright, airy and downright beautiful, this is a woman with great taste, and i had a delightful time hanging with her and plan on coming back soon. Also spent some time with Baby Diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and his cute lesbianic friend from Canuck.
Spent what seemed like a million hours promoting on the Art School and Technical University campus. So many hot young boys, made my tongue wag to the ground. I think i discovered a new hangout. Yummy.
Met Koen Claerhoot at Rosa`s for drinks. Koen was the production assistant for Cheap`s It Happened To Me, in 2005, and is now working back in his native Brussels putting together their first art Biennale. Koen is a talented lad, and is going to go places. Far pavillion places, if you know what i mean.

MEISTER PROPER
Went to see beautiful fearless leader Suzi Su of Cheap in a play called Abtrünnig at HAU 3 by a GDR writer and director named Janek Müller. I don´t understand German, but the native speakers in the audience also seemed a bit lost from what i could tell. 2 hours straight of text with no intermission is never a good idea in any language.

Suzi was marvelous, her command of the stage, with that enigmatic presense, and strong vocal command delivered, but everything else in the piece seemed a bit convoluted. The best moments were with Suzi and the younger bald headed man with the demonic dark eyes. The older, bald headed lead, was a bit of a queeny showboater, way too ham bone for my tastes. i would have made a switch, and had the younger man play the lead part, as he was more convincing and forceful. And can we talk about entrances and exits, maybe the awkward stilted staging was on purpose, i hope so.

HOW WILL THE WOLF SURVIVE?
Judy LaBruce was my spirited and gracious companion to a literary event at the underground disco Kinzo off the Alexanderplotz. Anxious to see wunderkind enfant terrible, Travis Jeppeson read from his latest novel. Travis was a delight! He was forceful, commanding, sexually robust and masculine in his reading approach. It was like i was seeing a different person from his tender 16 year old self. He held the "und ja" crowd riveted to his every word, something the four other German readers weren´t capable of. A good reader with a superior stage presence can hold an audiences attention no matter what the language. Thank you Travis for showing them how it is properly done.

DINAH WAS
This just in from Tiffany of Peres Projects Gallery. The star shoe designer Christian Loubotin was also at the opening last Saturday. Hope he didnt get any semen on his expensive footwear.
Tricked with a cuddly Turkish boy and a sleek hard bodied german youth, who reminded me of a doberman pincher.
Hung with baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. We went to see the Broken Social Scene presents Kevin Drew. They may be a popular band, but i found them dull. Joel said that Kevin Drew goes out with the girl singer known as Feist who has a big hit record in the states. The opening act at the Lido Club in Kreuzberg was Gentleman Reg a sweet Albino boy also from Toronto who use to be in the Hidden Cameras. When Joel was back in Toronto he hooked up with Weiland Speck who runs the Panarama Section of the Berlinale. That Joel gets around.

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WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY A LOVER?
Invited to a fab feasty by Jamaican caterer to the Berlin shtars Troy Perez. Accompanied by the Blue Bros, Tim & Kjohnny and Tim´s new guypal David, who is also from Jamaica and is a concert pianist.
***
Costume fitting with young, pretty French designer Aude, who is making my gown for the Judy LaBruce/Terence Koh installation at Peres Projects called Blame Canada. Love sweet Aude´s cute young talented friends. Yes Immelda there are still some interesting youngsters out there. Gotta meet my luncheon date so i must end abruptly.

BREAKFAST IN BED
Finally got to see Super 700 perform. Ibadette and Mickey One are also in my Berlin based band Ruth Fisher. Super 700 is their indie rock day job, and they were the headliners at the FrannzClub as part of Pop Komm, a music festival like South By Southwest, and just as dull. The group that went on right before Super 700 was like a bad version of Jonathan FireEater, the best thing about them was that they were young, cute and wore matching white shirts and dark slacks.
Getting back to Super 700. Ibadette and her twin sisters looked ravishing on stage, and utilized some subtle theatrics that worked quite nicely. I love that Mickey sports a WC Fields/Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer look, and Iba with a guitar strapped to her on their big pulsating rock number reminded me of Chrissy Hyndes of The Pretenders.
Travis Jeppeson took me to a Brit Pop queer club later in the week. A group from Iceland with a humpy buger boy performed some weak rave damaged dance music. Ran into sweet Felix Grimm of Cheap Club at the Podeville.
Had costume fitting with pretty Aude, the French designer who will create a gorgeous Julee Cruise style dress for the big Judy LaBruce/Terence Koh performative installation that i will take part of on Saturday Sept 29th 7pm at Peres Projects Kreutzberg gallery. Should be a royal hoot.
Saw pics of Terence´s live sex show in Zurich where he fornicates with a beautiful blondine concubine. I´m only going by the pictures i saw of the event, but you´d think they could have hired a prostitute with a little more enthusiasm.
Went to the Berlin Zoo biergarten with the Blue Bros---Tim and kJohnny. Lovely to dwink and hang out. Perfect way to spend the equinox. Later i stopped at Sheune Bar in Nollendorkyplotz and who should i run into but that queens queen of a film actor Rupert Everett in leather regalia looking quite masculine in the low rent fetish pub. He was with an older gentlemen, ordered and paid for two Becks then promptly made haste for greener Dolphin Street pastures.
Berlin observation #54,321. Why are there so many people on crutches, leg braces and other gimpy support mechanisms in this town? Berlina is not the best place to be a cripple, with few escalators, elevators or handicap access ramps.

KARRIERREGEILER BÜROHENGST
After an exhausting morning, afternoon and early evening spent writing to meet a deadline, i let my teen pals Travis Jeppeson, Mario and their concubine buddy Baby Brian of Portland whisk me away to go see DJ Snax spin at the 80s style dinosaur junior Club Connections in Nollendorkyplotz. It was wise of this disco to hire Snax to spin, he attracts a much younger clientle, then the places usual tourists and troll dolls. MC Snax was in fine form having just returned from a drug cartel gig in Columbia, and his visuals for the evening included a projection of Loretta Lynn brandishing a giant can of Crisco. How appropriate. Had a fun time with the kiddies, and also seeing a Nordic studhoven of super duper sexual proportions. I could have done without the trendy long-on-the-tooth men, and their Carol Burnette hair.
***
Listened to Davey Rothbart of Found Magazine, being interviewed on NPR-Berlin Davey is a friend of Cyril Kuhn and his ex wife Kara Hunger. I met the cute humpy dufus back in LA ages ago at a dinner party, and of course i wanted to get inside his pants.
Was thinking about what ever happened to sexy Kelli Lovelace. Kelli was a black lipstick lesbiana with a fantastic sense of style, who i use to hang with in the early to mid 80s. She and another wilde and fashionplaty gal pal Patty, use to be regulars at the old Nairobi Room where Matt Dyke DJ´d prior to his fame with Delicious Vinyl, and the hit Ton Loc single "Funky Cold Medina". They actually wanted me as Medina in the video, but i hate being in videos so the part went to Sean DeLear. The last time i saw Ms. Kelli was in the early 90s at a party thrown by Cliff Diller of Club Fuck fame, just before he passed away of complications due to his Mrs. AIDS diagnosis. Ah Cliff was one of those goodtime Sally´s who could beat a face to death, and was soooo much fun to be around. If anyone out in cyberland can give me an update on Kelli, í would appreciate that.
O and also Maria Dum Dum. She was another lesbian from the 80s who was a bulldyke hustler. Yes a saaphic hustler, who would work men, women, anyone who would pay her way in life. She was very sexy, boyish and aggressive. She had sex with many gay men, and ploughed them better then a man, from what I´ve heard. Someone should make a movie of her life. Perhaps that someone is me.

IM EDELZWIRN ZUM HOHEPUNKT
The return to Max und Moritz after a long hiatus was difficult. Fearless Leader Suzi Su changed the ending which was a good thing, but it meant more work for me. Relearning the role of Witwe Bolte, and the arduous Cheap Blacky rehearsal schedule has put me in a lady tizzy. I am a very delicate creature.
Had a sweet meeting with Zvonimir Dobrovic, an arts curator from Zagreb. What a lively, personable chap. He came to see me perform in Max und Moritz on thursday, and loved the piece. He wants me to create something cute for the closing of one of his art festival programs in December before Christmas. I would love a Balkan merry christmas, though with my luck, a war would emerge, and i would be the first person they decide to ethnically cleanse. o welp, i will just have to bring a blondine wig, and try my feral best to pass for white.
In the Parkauer Theatre cantina i also ran into a vivacious young journalista from Slovenia who interviewed me back in 2004 for Visions of Excess in Ljubjana, my endurance art spectacle, that was such a huge success. The Slovenia journalist was with a Japanese reporter and one of the Blue Men Group, who is friends with my Max und Moritz colleguen Denis Popping, and his American husband.
Spent a comedic, slapstick afternoon with Christophe Chemin filming sequences for Cheap Blacky in the Tiergartens childrens park on a tiny trampoline. I adore Christophe. He is a true freak, and looks like a man from the distant past. He began his career as a writing prodigy with three scandalous novels in France. His own parents even sued him because the autobiographical elements in one of his books hit too close to home. His last tome was about to be translated into English by an American publisher, but they got cold feet. The book starts off talking about Madonna licking his feet, that being the only thing she is capable of doing well, and goes on to describe a hollywood orgy Christophe art directed that features many downlow luminaries.
***
I will not tell the baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras that his exfootballer lover Mehmet Scholl is now involved with blonde beauty boy Florian Weber. Mehmets girlfriend approved of him being with Joel, but isnt featuring the Weber kid. Ah the wacky world of sport sex.