CAMERA LUCIDA
Christophe Chemin is hilarious! He showed us his lovely first motion picture, made when he was a 3 year old platinum vixen in Bordeaux. He stars as a luscious provincial bride, betrothed to a sturdy butch of 4 1/2 years. Problems ensue when one of the maids of honor gets into a viscious row with the hunky groom, who decides to settle things by taking a carnivorous chunk out of her arm. After lots of blood and bedlam, the bride remains unfazed, serene in her devotion the the nuptial rite. After some spiritual soothing from Christophe´s grand mama, the wedding procession resumes. Years later Christophe took this footage and combined it with his retelling of the death of the Swiss poet Robert Walser. If you think that Darren Stein in Put the Camera on Me is precocious, you haven´t seen nuthin´ till you behold Mdm Chemin´s royal FIT. Major Ms. Gorgeous!!!!!
***
Ah Turkish men. Sometimes they remind me of New York Guidos with their love of white slip on shoes and skin tight trousers, and other times its Mexicans Cholos with their tricked out cars blaring middle eastern pop,German and American rap. I can´t resist shiny black hair and a mono brow.
***
Speaking of the mensis. Some days i am invisible to them, and then other days, i can´t get rid of em. Two who are sniffing around my puddy are Pierre Sarkozy, the spoiled blondine son of the new Gallic leader, and the American actor Edgar Ramirez who is in the new Matt Damon´, Bourne White Surpremacy film. I guess i should be glad somebody wants the troll that i´ve become in my old adage.

KRIEGSNUMMERN DES SIMPLICISSIMUS
Early morning meeting with the beautiful and sensitive Cheap Gossip/Arsenal intern Julius at my studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta. Julius will design a flier for my October 21st event Falling Stars, Rising Stars at The Arsenal. Its so refreshing being around a young man like Julius. So much of the world today is fueled on this corporate mentality, which i find is a new more lethal, and insideous form of fascism, that makes people empty, arrogant and dull. Thats why its such a pleasure to be in the company of a young boy who thinks outside of the tired gay ghetto box, and who wants more from life then a petty bourgeois lifestyle.
Work on Cheap Blacky is coming together nicely. I've been collaborating on the music with The Cookies of Allah, which features hot siblings Tim and Kjohnny Blue and Daniel Hendrickson of kollective Cheap. So far we've all been getting along, which is a miracle because Vaginal Davis is one retarded whore of a bitch, arbitrary and argumentative, and just plain evil incarnate. I hate Vaginal Davis, and you should too. So far The Cookies of Allah have conjured up some extroidinary compositions with varied instrumentation like cello, violin, accordian, piano, oud and banjo.
Ran into one of my patrician German relations after rehearsal near Mehringdamn. He was with Frank Briegmann of Universal Music in Germany. What were they doing together? Odd. Both of them mentioned reading about my new piece at the HAU in a magazine, and hinted at being invited to the premiera. We'll see about that. Its strange having white cousins from my fathers side of the family who resemble me, only a few shades paler. On my mothers side of the family i am related to Connie Rice and the Secretary of State of the icky USofA Condoleeza Rice.
Will close with a quote from one of my fav actresses Ingrid Bergman:

Ein Kuss ist ein liebenswerter Trick der Natur, ein Gespräch zu unterbrechen, wenn Worte überflüssig werden

O YOU´RE SO JAMES JOYCE
We traveled to the little known area of Tiergarten, just above the famed cruise park to attend the 16th birthday party for the enfant terrible writer, Travis Jeppesen whose latest tome is called Wolf at the Door. Travis just returned to Berlin from a triumphant European book tour. A mini feast was created by the scribes beautiful 14 year old Slovakian beau Mario. The couple have a large, spacious flat and the small, intimate soiree featured Downtown DJ Snax of the perfect Jew Fro, artiste Christophe Chermin, who is the production designer for, Cheap Blacky, accompanied by his director Judy LaBruce who brought along for his amusement, Little Baby Brian, the sometime consort of both Gary Goddard(Masters of the Universe)and Bryan "The Bitch of 20th Century Fox" Singer.
CuncuBrian is now 25, but can pass for 17. He was once the plaything of Gus Van Sant, and numerous other Hollywood power players, who prefer young men who still have their mothers breast milk on their breath. This Brian kid is a bit much with his riotous flights of Finnegan´s Wake fancy. A rare lucid moment produces some interesting tales, like when he lived in Istanbul with a Turkish lover who almost slit his throat. We had to take leave of the gathering before we wound up attempting a similiar event horizen.

SHIITE AND YOUR MOTHER
One thing I´ve noticed here in Germany is that the hetero men are really whupped by the women. How do these ladies keep such a hold on the men? Does their puddy spin, like the rinse cycle of a washing machine? Also you see so many good looking young Teutonic men married with brats aplenty, to some sputter faced Brunhilde. What gives here, will someone please explain the concept.
***
Got a disturbing emug from the states in answer to my writing out loud about what became of certain people from my past. Well i got a cheery quick answer about Zachary, the famed tux wearing MC from the 80s. Mr. Zachary is now teaching music at Flea of the Red Hot Chilli Pepper´s Conservatory of Music in Silverlake.
On the sad note, Myrakel, an old trick of mine, i was told is now dead as a doornail. It seems that he was killed in prison. They don´t take too kindly in the big house to new agey pedophiles. I always new Myrakel liked boys younger then he was. When i tricked with him, i lied and told him that i was 19. I was actually 24. At that time he was around 31 or 32, a bit on the hippy dippy side, but he was a ginger, with a thick penis, and you all know how i can´t resist the redheads. I have a built in radar against men who want to use me as a pass-around-Patty, so it never worked out sexually between me and Myrakel, but we stayed friendly with each other. I even invited him to one of my openings at the Hag Gallery, and he wound up picking up this juicy 16 year old South Bay surfer kid, who i ran into later who told me that Myrakel dropped him flat after a few weeks for one of his even hotter surfer pals. Over the years i would run into Myrakel at the Sunset Junction, and he seemed the same free spirit, though his new ageyness was now combined with a radical fairee look that made me want to roll my eyes. Still i didnt know he was a card carrying member of NAMBLA. Just shows to go ya, that I am still a naive lady, at my advanced age.
***
The rehearsals for Cheap Blacky are moving along at a brisk pace. Thank you once again for all the zillions of emugs from around the world. This project seems to really resonate. Received a sweet note from one of my all time performance art idols, the legendary Johanna Went who stated that Boom and Reflections of a Golden Eye are her favs.
After a long day of rehearsals i had a meeting at Kino Arsenal at Potsdamer Plotz with Ms. Stefanie, Nanna and beautiful young intern Julius about my new program "Falling Stars, Rising Stars" which will debut Oct 19th. Stefanie and her expert crew know how to turn planning meetings into a lot of fun and positive idea sharing. I´m sure this new venture is going to create quite a buzz in Berlina. I also talked with Volker Spengler, the great German film and stage star, who was such a delight to chat with taking time from his busy schedule to chittle with "The Doll"
Fearless Leader Suzi Su of kollective Cheap turns 22 on Monday Sept 3rd, so everyone better shower her with lots of presents.
I´ve been having a bout of knee problems due to my new sportif bike, and also i´ve been fretting about finishing my essay thats due for the new art book about Judy LaBruce called Bruceploitation. Woman´s work, woman´s work . . .

CORNFED
So busy with my latest project, Cheap Blacky that i missed Julie Tolentino´s big performances in Berlin. I am so sad that i didnt get a chance to hang with her and Killer. I did tell a lot of important people to go and see her though.
Cheap Blacky is in the grueling process of workshopping the piece, and slicing all the elementals together. We even filmed some violent tableaux´s that will act as projections during the main action. In answer to all the emails sent to me wanting to know more info i will just give you this little tease:

Cheap Blacky, with Vaginal Davis
music the cookies of allah
costumes Rick Owens
directed by Judy LaBruce

a mysterious big fat tittied, well endowed hustler arrives on the scene, and fudgepacks a neurotic bourgeois family including their servants. Everyones true nature is revealed through hilarious hijinks, exorcism, heightened consciousness and saucy Ann Miller style production numbers. After dancing themselves to death, those who survive celebrate, and try to restore some sense of normalcy to shattered lives.

DIE RITTER DER TAFEL RUNDE
Met with lady Stefanie of the Arsenal at my studio, Cheese Endique Trifecta. She bought me a lovely lady flower, and a still from the experimental film Aus Der Ferne by Matthias Müller which appropriates the image of Kathyrn Grayson singing "There´s Beauty Everywhere" from MGM´s Ziegfeld Follies.
So nice having private time with Ms. Stefanie. We retired to the nearbye Tuff cafe where she took me to a scrumdilish luncheon, and decided on the final details for the new program I´ll be hosting at the Arsenal on Sunday October 21st called Falling Stars, Rising Stars which will feature a screening of the GW Pabst film Pandora´s Box starring Louise Brooks. So mark that day on your calendaria and come dressed in appropriate period garb.
***
Bruncheon with Joel Gibb who i erroneouly reported as being back in Canada. He did go to Stockholm for a performance, but won´t return to Canuckland till Sept 4th. Yes Agnetha, Ms. Davis sometimes makes mistakes on this here blog, but not often. Joining our artist table at Frida Kahlo Brasserie: The amazing Peaches, and her hunky beau of 5 years, Will Munro of Vaseline and Toronto´s The Beaver, his gal pal Alex with his nice architect gay dad. Peaches and homosexual fathers all on one sunday afternoon. Who could ask for anything more?

SCHON KLAR UND WELCHE WURTER SIND DAS
Invited to a scrumpteous feast of many divine courses by Annette Frick and Wilhelm Hein, Germanys first couple of experimental film and photography. Joining the lady Ms. Davis, her ninja mutant body guards the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny. The dinner score provided by Thelonius Monk with assist by the recently departed great jazz drummer Max Roach and an exciting mix of guests including the haute art couple Klaus Loeser and Jacobina, and other young film stars that circle the Hein/Frick orbit.
***
Feeling nostalgic i started to think about whatever happened to Zachary, the famed tux wearing MC of the early 80s punk scene, also Tina Benet, the drag junior pop star from the same period. I even started wondering out loud about my old trick Myrakle, the big dicqued ginger hippy dippy horn pig, who loved cornholing, or at least trying to cornhole young boys. When i met the nut i was in my mid twenties but i lied and told him i was only 19, so of course he was all over me, but i wouldnt give him any puddy as i sensed he was a love em and leave em type.
***
Lady Stefanie of the Arsenal and her wonderful comrades in arms have been putting together some sublime katakas that are becoming the talk of all Berlin town. And with special guests like the legendary Yvonne Rainer, its no wonder that all eyes are focused on Freunde der Deutschen Kinemathek. We went cruising the Dam, as in Potsdamer to catch the Where Am I, Vom Verschwinden, Verstecken und Wiederfinden expertly paced programa which featured works by MM Sera, Klaus Telscher, Karo Gooldt, and Ayse Erkmen, with live appearances by Tim Blue of Cheap, humpy Rusky Steffen Ramlow, and vivacious Isabel Spengler, who also had an installation in the Red Foyer.
Daniel of Cheap even spent some time with the nutty Istanbul professor and coffee cup soothsayer, who is featured in Erkmens hilarious Coffee.
The celebutantes in attendance> Daniel Hendrickson, Annette Frick, Wilhelm Hein, Radcliffe Hallish diva Antonia Baehr, handsome and patrician Uli of the Berlinales Forum, who told me that he didnt care for working with the French TV company Arte awhile back. The manlische, lanky editor of Scrub Magazine Justine, pulling the popsicle chord next to baby faced Arsenal, Cheap Gossip intern Julius, KJohnny Blue, and the blackest white girl in Berlin Nanna Heidenreich who has one luscious onion ass, that is soooo good, it makes you cry.

MIR DEN KAMM ZUNICK
There is this nutty tradition in Germany where youngish men, and sometimes men a bit long on the tooth from the provinces dressed in chimney sweep garb go wandering throughout the big cities in a form of sanctioned begging. I´ve been noticing it more and more, and its really ill.
***
Sports coats and more sports coats. I see more men of varying ages wearing a sports coat over jeans or dress slacks. These sports coats are either of light material or heavy during the winter. I find sports coats a bit apalling. What do you think?
***
Now lets move on to hair. If i see one more boy wearing the faux hawk/mullet coiffure i will start screaming and never stop. Daniel of Cheap says that Berlin is the city where every youth culture fashion from the last 50 years languishes and refuses to die. I think he is right. And speaking of death, this is a perfect segue into death rock and goth-two subcultures that are appropriately mega in a city like Berlina where actual death, of time immemorial hovers throughout its basin. Goth here has somehow transmorgified and fused with the Matrix movie and Columbine. On hot, humid days you can see many an xurbian male roaming the u-bahn stations with long black coats, hair in a ponytail, shaved on the sides and died black. These men always are pasty skinned, lacking chins with bland features, and seem like they spend countless hours playing Dungeons and Dragons. Don´t get angry with me, Ricky Castro´s of the world, i´m just expressing an opinion. If you don´t care for my opinions,and or you find offense, calmly stop reading this blog.
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One more observation. White people must stop wearing their hair in dreadlocks. It looks horrible on blacks, but on whites its even worse. That goes for the tendril dreads, and the shaved head with one dread fish tail. And please, please stop forming drum circles. If you can´t clap to the beat, how are you supposed to drum to it.

MIR DEN KAMM ZUNICK

UNSA FÜSIEGIEHRA
Wonderous brunchette with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras, just back from a specialty engagement in Munich where he and his musical kollective were the special play things of a famous German/Turkish footballer named Mehmet who had them perform at a stadium during an exhibition game as part of the festivities of Manlische Mehmet´s 36th birthday and retirement from the pitch. Mr. Mehmet whose last name i don´t remember, but i am sure you football fans know him, because he is one of the biggest stars of the game in Teutonia, even bought all the band members, and choir full leather lederhosen.
Getting back to our private brunchina, it featured super tasty Israeli dancer Assaf Hochman of Catherine Sullivan´s troup, entrepreneur Marco Herbst, and a very understated Baroness Anna Von Hahn who is a big Vaginal Davis fan and has been since she was a teenager. That means i am super old folks.
Joel Gibb is off again, this time to Stockholm, and from their back to his Canadian homeland for a few months of recording. I will miss the baby diaper, which is his new nickname, that everyone now is calling him, thanks to yours truelly.
I don´t care for dogs and Berlin is a very dog oriented town. Even the drunken Kotbusser Tor crusties have rangy mutts, that look just like them. One positive thing i can say about dog owners in Berlina is that they train their pooches. LA dog owners could learn a lesson from their sister city counterparts.
If you are a hetero woman and want to get married and knock out babies. Berlin is the place to do that. The men here, are easily henpecked and love being stay-at-home dads, in fact they excel in it, and you see more cute young dads then in any western city, and i mean hands-on-dads, who at least don´t treat their children like fashion accesories the way the bougie do in the states.
Like in Amerikkka, the normals in Germany are uber normal. But when you find fun, frolicsome Germans with a great sense of humour, hold on to them for dear life, because they are few and far between. And don´t let me start about "the German gays". Thats another book in and of itself.

ICH IHN NICHT INS BETT
Once in a blue moon i look at other blogs to compare and contrast my blog and website with whats going on in the greater cyberische. My sweet little blog and webpage are relatively plain and simple, with no fancy graphics or clever razzle dazzle. I am not adroit in computer technology. Indeed, I am a technophobe. Luckily the wonderful Larry Bob who maintains and controls my web presense keeps everything smooth and simple.
Most blogs I have checked out are rather dull and mundane, just tagging their latest projects or reposting things that are already on You Tube or elsewhere. One exception is www.AliceBag.com by Alice Bag, the legendary LA punk singer and songwriter of the seminal band The Bags. Alice and I go way back before the flood. She was also a member of my groups The Afro Sisters and Cholita, the female Menudo. Alice's much younger big dicked husband, Jailbait Velasquez is the designer of her web page, and he has done a marvelous job with her extensive archive. The writing in her blog is crisp and insightful, and no one conducts an interview like Ms. Alicia, who manages to put the academics to shame with her unique scholarship.

***

Saw for the second time in three weeks the handsome freckle faced Turkish pop star Mohabet, walking casually and alone on the mean streets of Neu Kolln. I would certainly love to suck on his penis for a week straight without coming up for air.

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Berlin has its own Dennis Woodruff, who drives around Neu Kolln and Kreutzberg. Well the Berlin version is better, in that he isnt trying to work a pathetic acting career, but his automobile is all tricked out like a giant Sigmund and the Seamonster aqua marine adventure vehicle. Love it.

***

Great Cheap Blacky rehearsal followed by drinks with Kjohnny, Assoff Blood of Abraham and Judy LaBruce as the sweet and sexy Wolfgang Tillmans DJed at the Nobel Elf. Lots of hunky men gathered about, and mucho mucho touristas. Great seeing Wolfgang and his beau Anders, as well as Damon Matt the Young Elder and his friends. Also bumped in to tall, handsome Justin of Scrub Magazine, looking a bit awkward and uncomfortable, and i flirted with a hot New York dark haired boy concubine with a bodacious rack.

FALSCHSPIEL UM HÖHERES
A pal of mine in merry ole England has invited little me to stay with him at the newly restored Apethorpe Hall in Northhamptonshire. The 15th Century former borstal has a scandalous past. King James 1 used the house as a bordello for him and his hungthrob young lover George Villiers, Duke of Buckingham to entertain their numerous concubines and rough trade tricks. During the restoration effort they discovered lots of secret passages linking the bedrooms of James & George with a myriad of other men they fancied. Queenly kings---they never seem to change. Since this friend of mine who works for English Heritage is quite cute, and humpdilly, i hope to bring some sex majick back to the old homestedt heath once again.
***
One of my favorites passed away recently. Lee Hazelwood, who wrote the Nancy Sinatra hit "Boots", and collaborated with her on many projects. His solo releases have become cult favs.
***
Accompanied director Judy LaBruce to the Lido in Kreutzberg to see CocoRosie, an enigmatic new musical group of singing sisters who are pals with Antony of Antony and the Johnsons, and Kembra Pfahler of The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black. The venue was packed with indie rock children, who came to experience the operetta cum hoppity sounds by the gorgeous, well racked Casady Sisters, Bianca and Sierra(in a Nike Sportsbra), who divide their time between New York and Paris. Its been a long time since i went to a concert, and was thrilled when Ms. Bianca pulled out her harp and began to play the delicious notes. These young ladies were very sweet, well mannered and personable. See them now before they become huge international sensations. When Judy and i hung out with them backstage between their first performance and midnight show, they showered us with attention as elder statewomen of the queercore scene. Judy is using some of the CocoRosie songs in his new flick Otto-Up With Dead People. And their textural meloncholic ditties will definately be a highlight of his film. I also loved the projections they used during their stage presentation. The filmed sequences of Kembra in VH glory, and the Wayan Bros from the White Chicks movie gave me an extra added hoot.
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Little things i have to get use to in Germany. Number 1: The metric system. Number 2. Military time.
***
Davide Grassi, the perfect man from Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art in Ljubjana, Slovenia has changed his name to Janez Jansa, who is the right wing prime minister of Slovenia. Leave it to Davide to come up with an interesting politikal art intervention. I love Davide, i mean Janez, and his gorgeous wife Marcella, oops thats Mrs. Janez.
***
The amazing and lovesexy Wolfgang Tillmans will be in Berlin for the rest of the month. Can´t wait to hang with him and his uber hung boyfriend Anders.
***
Art invite to Cork, Ireland and Cardifff, Wales. Will let all the fans know more as that develops.

KULISSE FUR DIE LIEBE
I have been formally invited to Iran for a year as an artist in residence, by an my old university friend Kaveh Kamooneh. When Kaveh was young he was a major Persian babe, with wavy hair, full lips, dreamy long dark eyelashes, broad shoulders and thick, large manly hands and feet. Of course Kaveh is now middleaged, married with kids, is a bit dumpy, but is still adorable. Moving to Assyria would be scary, but so was relocating to Europe, and i did, though no one in icky LA really expected that i would take this plunge. I am not getting any younger, or prettier, so its now or never when it comes to taking risks in my life as a cristaline intity. I will let you know more of this as it develops.

EINSATZ AM KOTTI
Worked in the studio most of the week-end spitting out Vagimule collages. Something tells me i need to concentrate on this medium as its very much "The Lady". Had a meeting with pretty Italiana Ms. Tatiana and the darling girls of Cum2Cut who are working this year as partners with Jürgen Bruning and the Porn Film Festival. Last year my performative workshop Porno Adorno-How to F*ck Like the F*cking Blacks was a huge hit. Over drinks at The Nobel Elf the girls asked me to perform for the opening party, but with all my committments in the fall, i will only be able to do a DJane set and provide the visual stimuli with my trespass cinema colleziones.

KILLER TÖTEN TOTE STERBEN
Moving abroad comes ripe with a few problemas. First of all there are no 24-hour supermarkets or drug stores in Berlin. On Sundays everything, and i do mean everything closes down, also on holidays, which seem to be numerous, and pop up when you least expect them, especially them damn religious holidays. O and during the week the supermarkets only stay open till 8pm. Takes a little bit of getting use to.
***
Got a snarky email from Jim Monk of Monk Magazine fame. I´ve always liked Michael Monk, who is soft spoken and sweet, but that Jim----lets just say he doesn´t exactly make the Vaginal list.
***
Ran into handsome writer Nicolas Fargues outside of my local Sparkasse. The striking scribe oozes sex, but just isnt flirtatious enough for "the doll". If a man doesn´t jump on my bones immediately, that gigante womanly ego just can´t handle it, and wants said male person to drop dead immediately. I can´t help it if i´m just like Madame Mau.
***
Met for several hours at my studio, the Cheese Endique Trifecta with young British/Israeli PhD student Damon MattYoung, who is a close friend of my sweet academe pal Dr. Dom Johnson who is currently in Palm Springs for the summer.
Tall and lanky Damon is reading at Berkeley, but has been studying German in Berlina for the past month. We had a nice time dwinking wine and chatting about our both being anti-gay gays, among a myriad of other topics. Its always a pleasure kicking back with a good looking softspoken youthquaker.
Speaking of anti gay, Glen Meadmore gave me a call that Rick Castro had read my last blog post and was furious, and wanted my email for a rebuttal. If he does email me, it will certainly automatically go into the spam folder where it will conveniently disapear into cyber space. If Ricky wants a rebuttal he should start his own blog, then he can say what he pleases, to whomever cares to listen.

THE PIES CAKE
That Ricky Castro sure is one nervy fag-got. Not only does he have the audacity to manipulate Glen Meadmore into emailing me to ge the telephone number of Bruce La Bruce producer Jürgen Bruning, but to add insult to injurina he even prods Glen to procure his number from my kollective Cheap collegue Tim Blue, who Glen had only just met a few weeks ago. Now that takes some royal nerviticus. I can only guess that he is STILL trying to secure financing for a pet movie project of his about lesbians called Birkinstock.
Rick has short term memory when it comes to wanting something from someone. He forgets that during Hustler White´s international film festival circuit tour years ago that Miss Jürgen wasn´t exactly thrilled by the Castro overly demanding Aleister Crowleyan charms. In fact Jürgen told me, during an interview for the DVD of Hustler White that he can´t stand Ricky. What set him off was that even before principle shooting began Rick used my old lawyer boyfriend Marcus Bastida, to serve notice to Jürgen of how his final credit in the pic should appear. Granted the movie making business is ripe for rip-off, and one needs to protect oneself, but HW wasnt some multi-million dollar Hollywood production. When Rick and i were friends and collaborators we use to laugh out loud at people that he has now turned into.
Rick definately has talent, and many times has almost become rich and famous from that talent. However, something always seems to stand him short of that goal, i can certainly relate to the fact that getting older with no long term financial security is a frightening prospect in this heartless global economia, but come off it! I would suggest that Rick needs to stick to his current successful LA grift, The Antebellum Art Gallery, which according to my friend Hector seems to be doing quite well. Rick will never run out of sad, horny LA men eager to see live nude, well built, well endowed young models in compromising positions.
And speaking of blasts from the past, i had run into Michi, who was once Rick´s partner in I Love Ricky, at the airport in the states awhile back. Michi is as no nonsense as ever, and the only person who Rick would back down to. Rick and i will never be friends again, but the one person he would still like to have in his life is Michi, who is quite a successful industry veterana. One of these days i will have to write in this blogina what Michi and i talked about, it is very illuminating.

THE PIES CAKE

MORE THEN YOU KNOW
Pre Berlin Hilton party at Joel Gibb alias the Baby Diaper of the Hidden Cameras for dwinky poos. Met gorgeous, hunky Sebastian who produces some MTV Germany Rap program. He told me of his misadventures as an exchange student in Arlington Texas, where his host family told him he cant have any niggers, spics or chinks as friends, only whites, and kicked him out of their house when he missed Sunday church.
Later at the B Hilton Judy LaBruce was the guest dj playing a set list of Canuck hits like American Woman, which had partygoers like Peaches going wild. The lady Peaches was looking very lovesexy, showing the German children how you have fun at a party, something they really need to learn. Also on hand, Britains Noblesse Oblige, Christof Chermin, and Israeli hungthrob Assof Hochman.

NUTZTSIE IHRE CHANCE
Zac Elfron the queeny kid that stars in that tired musical remake of John Water's Hairspray has been making the fag rounds in Berlin, and actually came on to me. What could Ms. Male base do for the doll you ask, well absolutely nothing. I did share a quick snog at Berlin Hilton with model Calum Best.
I've already cheated on the new Belgium pencil dick, i've been seeing. I'm sure he doesnt read my blog, so don' tell him. My paramour is an Argentinian experimental music artist with pre-mature salt n pepper hair and a humpy body and flagrante penis delecti that you'd sell your grandmother for. And can we talk about a matinee idol smile---brilliantine! Actually my trick is of Italian, Sicilian origins, and hails from Buenos Aires. I loves me some dark swarthyness----"i'm famished for the dark ones, and tired of the light ones". Argentine Gabriel spent hours devoted to my asstrovar, trying to dislodge its Vulcan death grip, he almost succeeded, but not quite. I am still an anal virgin---thank god.
***
Lovely postcard to the Witwe Bolte from Stefanie of the Arsenal Kino who is on a well deserved holidaze in Portugal. Frauline Stefanie is the hardest working young woman in the experimental cinema world, constantly toiling around the clock to advance the movement.
***
Daniel of Cheap used his new tagine to cook a scrumpteous Moroccan feast at Piero la Colleziones palazzo on the Kurfurstendamn, even his ultra sexy next door neighbor smelled the food, and brought over a bottle of Syrian wine, fishing for an invite. The meal was much better then the one provided by Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, whose new Berlin compound is somewhat rickity. Angelina may be with Brad, but she hasnt given up her lesbiana relations with former Calvin Klein mannequin Jenny "Chicken" Shimizu, but of course now they've progressed to a hot buttery threegy with Bradley taking the lead. Bradster is no sranger to whoregies having been the center of many during this boy ingenue days in the late 80s, before he went out with Robin Givens. Brad's hommeshinanigans would put a Falcon Video pac star to shame.

PER ANHALTER IN DEN TOD
Work on Cheap Blacky is progressing nicely. Besides Fassbinder´s films Whitey and Beware the Holy Whore as inspiration, Judy LaBruce has added Passolini´s Teorema, Reflections of a Golden Eye and Joseph Losey´s Boom starring Liz Taylor and Richard Burton. We´re also going to use some real life maids and servants in the production---its going to be a hoot!
***
Had a date with a wealthy Belgium man, thanks to matchmaker Hugo. The dude was pretty sexy, with a nice muscular body--incredible broad shoulders, pretty eyes, large nose, lots of things i like in a man child. When he started to mack on me, it was passionate fruitas and babytenderlove. He even knew how to suck titty properly, which is a major plus, as i have ultra sensitive nips. The only thing i didnt like was his pencil dick. It was uber long, but not very thick, and this girl likes thickness in the mitigated area of the thrombone. But i shouldnt be so picky as he eagerly and greedily chowed down on my nasty nappy dugout for hours that seemed like days, so when a man takes care of your garden salad like that, you shouldn´t easily negate him. But lets face it Vaginal Davis is a selfish bitch, and she never gets enough attention from men. I am like a baby bird, always wanting MORE! MORE! MORE!

EATICUS INTERUPTICUS
Love sexy allyoucaneat bruncheon mit fearless leader of Cheap kollective, Susie Su and Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras at Frida Kahlo Bistro in the land of the monster truck SUV babystrollers. Talk about a glam meeting of the minds! We decided that a collaborative project is a future must. The other evening Joel showed me his collaboration with a Toronto modern dance company. I liked the choreography that Joel did much better then the dance troupes choreographer which was cliche barefoot modern dance moves and very bland white peopleish
++++
My old pal from a million years ago Hugo, who use to work closely with 80s designer Claude Montana owns a most unusual gay matchmaking service that specializes in hookups for dinge queens looking for that perfect piece of jubas jubilee. Hugo charges astronomical fees, and both the snow and dinge must be professionals, to exclude gold diggers and the shiftless. Sweet Hugo let me join the roster for free, and has packaged me as a famous international black artist, newly based in Berlin. Well my profile appeal went skyrocketing through the roof, and now I am getting requests for dates from all over the world by some men who look really sexy in their computer profiles. Who knows how they will appear when in person. Will keep you posted on the results. At worse the men will all be psychos, and at best this will turn out to be a phun experiment that will provide me with plenty of fodder to write about.
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Ingmar Bergman died today. The 7th Seal, Wild Strawberries, Cries and Whispers, Fanny and Alexander, were just a few of my favorites. Tell me yours.
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Cheap Blacky inspiration night with our director Judy LaBruce, set designer Christophe Chermin, production coordinator Anna and the rest of the Cheap gang. We watched for herspiration the 1967 John Huston film Reflections of a Golden Eye starring a mumbling Marlon Brando, Liz Taylor, Brian Keith, Julie Harris, a young humpy Robert Foster, as the object of homosexy desire, and a demented filipino queen named Anacleto who reminded me of the flip gay comic actor and histrionic showboater Alex Mapa.

FOREVER CAMEMBERT
Got word from Los Angeles that Mark Haggard died of an overdose of drugs. Not a surprise there. Last time i saw Mark he was all strung out in MacArthur Park, had lost tons of weight and was carrying a large duffel bag, so i guess he was also homeless. He had been an on-off drug addict for years. More on then off. When he was sober he was a nice guy. The love of his life was a queercore performer named Travis, who wasn´t much known outside of LA punk rock circles. Travis died years ago, and Mark never really recovered from that. He had met a boring wealthy fag from Palm Springs who was very much in to him, taking him on expensive vacations and whatnot, but Mark managed to ruin even that relationship. LA is one lady of a city that destroys people. Thats one of the many reasons i had to get out of Dodge!
****
Was sent a link to an academic journal from England with an essay called Queercore-The Distinct Identities of Subculture, that came out in Feb 1997 by Michael Du Plessis and Kathleen Chapman. The article is one of the best things written about me by an academic. Why did it take ten years before i found out about it?
***
Spent a long lovely day with the baby diaper Joel Gibb of The Hidden Cameras. He is back in Berlin after months of touring. He told me some hot gossip about some new pop star i have never heard of named Lilly Allen, who was coming into his dressing room to do lines of cocaine, and that Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters wanted Joel as a guest star in his bedroom, joining him and his lover. Joel is a sexy young man, who is desired by many. We went to some squatter party on Casting Couch Allee to see Malte´s drag band play, but i came down with diarrea and we had to suddenly leave and find me a toilet to splodge in. It took me forever to recover, so when i was feeling better we headed to Maria to see Noblesse Oblige perform. Maria is a tired club with awful techno music playing. Thank god for Val and her hot boyfriend who put on a wonderous little performance, showing everyone how its properly done. There´s nothing like london moxie, hurray!!!!
***
Got an emug from Bill Silva of Silva Productions, Mgmt and Brand Entitlement Corporation. Bill produced the Margaret Cho Tour i was on years ago and also now manages Margaret and Jason Mraz. Jason is a cute kid, but i find his music dull, which means its perfect for the mainstream, and that is why he is so successful,that and the hard work of having someone like Bill Silva behind you. Looked at Bill´s website and i noticed he is still managing John Hogan, but not Bruce Daniels the black queen who now opens for Margarets tour. Hmmmmm . . .interesting. Margaret Cho´s former manager Karen is suing both Margaret and Bill. She even sent me an email with copies of the court papers, knowing that i am a big gossip queen and that of course i would report it on my blog, which is better then putting it on a billboard. I never liked Karen, but i´ve always liked Bill who is a silver haired fox. Bill should manage Joel Gibb and the Hidden Cameras, they would be the perfect prestige artist on his roster.

Have a brunch date with a big dick Belgium man, so i will continue this later.

CYBER PORK CHOP
Wonderful meeting at HAU with the entire Cheap Blacky gang, including director Bruce "Judy"LaBruce and lovesexy French set designer Christoff. Later Judy, Christoff and I had lunch at a nice bistro off of trendy Mehringdamm. Judy sez the rushes of his new film "Otto-Up With Dead People" look incredible thanks to the precise lighting work of ace cinematographer James Carman & crew. In the evening Cheap fearless leader Suzi Sue cooked one of her legendary feasts, where i stuffed myself silly. A wonderful time was had by all.

This just in:

The Russian dissident poet and artist suprema Slava Mogutin and his child bride Brian will be leaving Berlin to go back to New York City. The two extremely beautiful men, had been living here for several months as a home base while they spirited the European continent with a myriad of art shows, performances and installations. Wherever they went, major dick envy, skandal and mayhem followed.
I wish i could have seen the boys just once, but our hectic schedules precluded some face-to-face, though we did have some emug exchanges. Slava even directed an art porn film for Cazzo, the Berlin based blue movie company, but the word is that the owner of the company won´t release it. During the filming of Bruce La Bruce´s Skin Gang, this said owner of Cazzo gave La Judy major headache. Who knows what he put pretty Slava through. Lets just say I have been introduced to this man who i believe is named Jorg something or other, and while he is tall, handsome and well endowed, he comes off as the ultimate ice prince. Not exactly a warm, friendly sod. He was partners in Cazzo with LaBruce producer Jurgen Bruning, and that relationship went bust. Herr Bruning now heads his own porn empire slyly called Wurst Films.
Anyways i hope that Slava is able to get what he filmed for Cazzo away from its owner, so that the world can see it. i know i´d sure like to.

MIR GEHT DAS UNEHELICHE
Blacky rehearsal was interrupted by a surprise visitor from American shores, none other then the 6´9 inch Canadian cowpoke Glen Meadmore. My handy decided to go kaput, so poor Ms. Meadmore couldnt get ahold of me, so he recruited Felix Knoke the Das Stern investigative reporter to track me down via HAU and fearless leader Suzi Su. Whew!!!!
Glenda, the Good witch of the East, and I spent a sweet big lady day together, cruising Heisenhide Park for large uncut cock, gossiping, and just being criminally insane biatches. i havent seen the woman in over six months, and i was surprised a bit to see how the many years of negotiating the ickyness factor of LA life has left some wear and tear on her serene visage. The Meadmore is a gentle, pure soul, and i would like to see her thrive to the levels that her supreme genius deserve. She is certainly one of the most underrated stars to emerge from the underground in the latter half of the last century, and i love her dearly.
I was so overcome with emotion, that i had to go the the Frankenstein 5000 pub to soak in gin, and was joined by the Blue Bros.---Tim and Kjohnny and Daniela of Cheap and his beau Piero ala Collezione for more drinking, stinking and living it up.
***
Bruce "Judy"LaBruce returns to Berlin for post production work on his zombie epic "Otto-Up With Dead People" and to direct my new big stage production "Cheap, Blacky . . .Sortof" All this and we´re only half way through the summer.

****

This just in: got two emails from old pals of mine from the 80s.

Kim "Joyride"Jones, who was one of the most fun, pretty and vivacious party girls of the post punk era, told me that her son Bela(after Bela Legosi)is turning 18, and is coming to Berlin before starting college at UC Santa Cruz in the fall. I am really an old woman. I remember when Kim was pregnant with Bela, whose father is Monty Messick, one of the most beautiful of the Melrose Avenue punk rock boys,(remember Flips anyone?) and one of its most desired, by both women and men. Kim and Donita Sparks, pre L7 fame, were the life blood of any Hollywood soiree, and made Lindsey Lohan look like a party amateur. Kim and Donita never missed an Afro Sisters show, and were always the most stylishly dressed in their casual mid 70s action wear.
Kim also use to be girlfriends with Anthony of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who wrote about their lives together in his book Scar Tissue. I was really surprised that Anthony even mentioned Gary Allen, this R&B new wave-ish queen who use to be the on-and-off-again sugar daddy to Flea. Flea is a little more hesitant to bring up his past, which included stints as a rent boy, something that the tabloids and die hard Chili Pepper fans don´t know about, but Anthony not only mentions his hanging out with Gary in the day, but is actually kind of open about his and Flea´s mega homosexy past. Of course i only saw the galleys of his book before it was released several years ago, when i did book reviews for the LA Weekly, so i dont know what made it into the final publication. Ms. Kim Jones also wrote for the LA Weekly as part of the gossip column La Dee Da, and is still a contributor to the paper writing for Calendar on kids events. See what tidbits you learn from me.
And my other more conservative friend Rachel Diaz-Toner who lives in Semi Valley sent me a newspaper article featuring her 13 year old son, his 12 year old best friend and hot girl drummer, and his 10 year old brother on bass, who are getting mega attention as a pre-pubescent Van Halenesque group called Vendetta. The life of Vaginal Davis, will wonderinis ever cease?

TAVERN ON GREEN DOLPHIN STREET
Luscious picnik hosted by Stefanie of the Arsenal and her sweet gal pal Nicole, an academic who teaches in the queen mumland of England. Miss Stefanie owns a giant section of Canal land between the St. Elsewhere Hospital and the Communist Pizzeria, so we ate, drank and laughed the afternoon and evening away on our own private bank. I had a lovely time chatting with the gorgeous Lady Miss Chai from Mumbai, who runs an experimental film festival in that city whose colonial name is Bombay.
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Why are european nobels always chasing after me. I got a call from Graf Carl-Eduard Von Bismarck who wants to date me, and also from Princess Caroline of Monaco's young son Pierre Casiraghi, but i am not interested in any of them. I'd prefer to do Alex Dellal who is the son of a wealthy shipping magnate.

ATLAS DER GLOBALISIERUNG
One of the peculiarities of living in Berlin is that since World War 2, the city has been in perpetual construction mode. That is why they are always unearthing old bombs that have never exploded, a timeless gift from the allied armies.
Just thought i´d let you know about a wee yet thrilling
hazard i never had to worry about in tired Los Angeles.

***

Decided to run around nude in the famous Tiergarten. It was hot and humid and that was the only way i could cool down. Turned a few tricks, and as i was about to leave i ran into the Blue Bros. Tim and Kjohnny who were riding through the park on their way home from din din. Decided to join them for a drink at the rent boy establishment Bascos. We plopped down al fresco to observe the fleshmarket. Lots of Lulus on parade showing quite the bounty of youthful genitalic splendour. Had a great time drinking with the bros and making fun of the prissy Nollendorky queens. We came back to my studio to drink yet some more, and make plans for Porno Adorno, the opera and our new film project Lingus.

DAS TAZ KURZABO
Went to Berlin Hilton to see underground teen sensation Philippe perform along with special guest Snax, and friends. Youthquaker Philippe is an ethereal delight, whose musical verve was way too sophisticated for the crowd of children, who were happy to be anyplace they can find a nice bag of freshly wrapped dicks. That was a shame because they missed out on the nuance at work, both in musical delivery and in presentation. Aided and abetted by sloshed Slovakian hearthrob Mario, revving the crowd from the sidelines, and the precision of Travis Jeppeson´s cochise bass lines. By the time they got to the P/Snax duet "Lets Call The Whole Thing Off" everything had settled into the crisply sublime. Now thats how you close a hot summer evening.

WENN SIE MIT DER NUTZUNG
At Arsenal for the Swedish silent Norrtullsligan. Delightful flick, the conventions of the time displaced the more lesbianic/feminista source material in favor of standard melodrama, but some key components were able to remain and the compositions were downright lovell. Also great having Ms. Stefanie´s voice ringing through the auditorium translating the title cards from Swedish to German, and Daniel of Cheap from German to English.
Started working on Cheap Blacky. . .Sortof with entire gang Suzi, Tim, Kjohhnny, Dragan Yvonne, Daniela and our new production facilitator Anna. Later went to the Zeughaus Kino at DHM to see Grossstadtschmetterling, Ballade Einer Liebe starring luscious Anna May Wong and directed by Richard Eichberg. Got hit up on by faded tennis player Mark Philippoussis.
***
Back at Arsenal for a special program featuring a screening of Louis Malle´s 1957 classic Elevator to the Gallows, starring the enchanting Jeanne Moreau and a sexy male lead. Wow!
Went to opening of the Weinerstrasse 45 space with Travis, Mario and singer-ex supermodel Philippe. Nice soiree, everyone dressed like a secretary ala the Maggie Gylenhaal film. Got into a robust conversation with a good time sally of a pretty Irish academe lassie. No attractive men at this event, but lots of clever ladies. I should become a lesben.
Tim Blue taught me some new vocabulary words. Twink: a young clueless fag Twank-what a twink becomes once he hits his 30s. Twunk: What happens to a twink when he gets even older, but still demands the same kinds of attentions he was able to attract in his youth.
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Glen Meadmore called me from holiday at Lake Constanze. Hopefully i will get to meet up with the lady in Berlina.
****
Greek shipping magnates son Vassily Bourikas had a greek actif dinner party where the main course was sheep testicles. They were yummy, and now i am all roid raging. Had a great time with Vass, Stefanie of the Arsenal, Tim and Kjohnny, Evie from bbooks, Cornell, and his hot Budapest stud puppy friend, and Vass´ pretty boy roomie and his sexy gamine girlfriend

MUSIK UND MALEREI
Iranian prinzessinbad via Montreal´s McGill University Leila, and her lovesexy all-girl poontang posse invaded Berlin for phun and phrolic. I am forever indebted to Ms. Leila for bringing me back to the French Canadian wonderland in March of this year, after a six year hiatus.
The last time i was in the land of giganticus uncut meatsis was when i opened up for Margaret Cho´s Notorious C.H.O. tour in 2001-2
Along with baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and a gamut of Canucks, Francophiles and an uber hung Moroccan stud treat we took over the Nobel Elf cantina at KottbusserDamn Crusty to raucausly celebrate Laila´s 12 1\2 year of living on the planet.
A few nights before i went drinking with teen lovers Travis and Mario who now work as high paid male courtesans via Madame Toucanana and her elite acting, grifting, hooking, hustling, modeling and talent agency.
***
Kjohnny Blue, younger brother of Cheapie Tim Blue is now living in Berlin. Two brothers with penile sizes of 25 centimeters each-----Wow!!!! it doesnt get any better then that. Tim hosted a welcoming party at his flat that included all the usual stars of the scene plus the lovely Stefanie of the Arsenal Kino.
Got to run I am having lunch with the handsome German actor Til . . .

MADAME TOUCANANA
My new number one fan, who worships me the most is pretty, young Bee Schaffer. Ms. Schaffer is the stylish daughter of Vogue's Anna Wintour, and I adore this child. It feels great to be relevant to the flaming youthquakers of the world. It makes me feel like i am not such an old hag, when in reality i am nothing but a bag of a hag's hag.
***
Vaginal Davis is such a whorita. I've been hootchy lately with Raffaello Follieri. What can i say, he has nice genitalia. Please don't tell Ann Hathaway.

DAISY CRACKERS
Went to Recontres Internationales and saw Tim Blue´s cute Dublin, Ireland pal Paul Rowley´s lovely experimental short, "Gravity Loop" on what turned out to be a very long shorts program.
Back in Berlin for short stop---command performance of Max und Moritz for der Bundespräsident at Schloss Bellevue. Took photos with fugly Chancellor Angela Merkel. My exotic beauty turned the heads of the many dignataries. The only ones i wanted to sex with were the boilingly hot security personnel and the humpy waiters during the formal reception.
Last show of M&M at this year´s Parkaue season, regular cast member Denis broke his leg, so Henning stepped in with wonderful results. He brings a robust Gene Kelly athleticism to the role, and had the kids rolling in the aisles with his prat falls.
Will miss the closing party as i am off for gallery shows in Cork, Ireland, Glasgow Scotland and Liverpool. Scared about being in the UK with the terror alerts.

PODIPLOMCI
Vaginal Davis, Vaginal Davis, Vaginal Davis you and your shameless tricking. Two recent lotharios of la diva, turn out to be a pop starlet named Jan DeLay, and a well known actor(schauspieler) Stefan Kaminski. Both men in bed were nothing to write home to grandma about.

PRILOGA GRADIMO ZIVIMO
The gorgeous Professor Jennifer Doyle was in fine form when she presented her lecturina Between Friends at Kapelica Gallery, the day after my performance piece. I've never seen la Doyle so animated and in complete total control. Certainly getting regular sex from a hunkazoid Slovenian contributed to her zesty glow. At both of our performances was members of one of my favorite all-time bands Laibach and the NSK kollective. O and correcting what i wrote earlier, our after party was produced and arranged by the lovely Marsela of Aksioma.
And to all who wrote to me: Yes Marilyn Manson came to the show. What else was there for him to do in Ljubljiana? I think he definately was on the prowl to steal ideas for a rock video. I get so sick of these mainstream rock video directors who appropriate from the performance art world. Why not hire us as an art director so that we can make a little cash$. When you do performance or live art, you are guaranteed a life of poverty, so if someone wants to borrow your so called "edge" they need to pay for it accordingly.
Before coming to Slovenia Dr. Doyle and i partied with British art star Tracy Emmin. Dr. Doyle wrote an introduction for Tracy's work as part of the UK Pavillion at the Venice Biennale. And if you haven't bought Jennifer Doyle's amazing book "Sex Objects and the Dialectics of Desire" rush out and get it today, if its the last thing you ever do.
***
I've been writing about German gay sex for numerous publications including a Frohmer's type publication that will be coming out soon. I will entreat you with a little preview of my take on the gay sauna scene, here goes nuttin:

As a bathhouse benediction queen from way back before the flood i am an expert on gay saunas from around the world. Being that i missed the heyday of saunas during the 70s, the first time i went to one i snuck in underage with my girlfriends from Ventura, CA: Dora, Boofy, Thing, Bigdiq Doug, HomoHaus, Vince,BushBunny, Gommorah, Wednesday, and Quasi. We all went to the legendary 8709 that was, believe it or not connected to the Cedar Sinai Medical Center on Third Street back in the early 80s. This tub was owned by a wealthy fag named Sheldon Andelson who was also a UC regent, and politico. 8709 is probably responsible for the AIDS infections of almost everyone who went to the place including its owner. How i escaped is because i was more of a voyeur and not a participant. Besides 8709 there was M*A*C*S in Silverlake known also as the Men's Action Center and Men's Affection Center. I went to this bath along with my Ventura posse as well and lets say that the sex i observed at these places was beyond wild. Imagine walking into a large room filled with bunk beds and the sounds of large penises slapping sphincter's to a disco soundtrack and giant screen Falcon Videos blazing. Its was downright angelic and demonic at the same time. I've never before or since seen so many huge penises,in every configuration, and the sounds and smells of sex that would leave one faint.
But let me now move to the present. In Berlin there are four saunas and i've visited them all at different times and days just so that my reportage would be fair and accurate.
Lets start with the Triebhause Sauna in Prinzlauber. The best time to go is Sunday afternoons, which seems strange to Americans but thats how it is in Germany. Of all the tubs this is the one with the youngest, cutest, best bodied and peniled clientle, but like everything in Berlin it can still be hit or miss. I really love that at Euro Saunas you can sit around a full bar, have a drink and get some food, but the small town cammaraderie can make it seem like a old lady hen party, which kills things if you want to really get a mack freak on---every man for himself, and that infamous German distance thing is even more prevalent at saunas, where between twinky cha-cha queens and schlager crusties you have to put up with a lot of icky attitude. And will someone please explain why the tuetonics insist on getting their proverbial gnut in the wet sauna, the place where germs incubate the most. If you hang right outside the shower holding pen, you get to see who has the largest merchandise. German penis are exceedingly above average, but like the British Germans are either extremely gorgeous or butt fugly, and some of those large peters are very misshapen. Germans have this weird openness/modesty thing that is hard to explain let alone understand, they are a culture set apart indeed.
The layout of Treibhause is weird, and most of the employees are a complete trip. Why do the most bitter and jaded people always work in saunas? There are a few kids who work there who are sweet, and the best thing about going to these places is the massage staff, you can receive a halfhour or hour for a decent price. At Triebhause there is one ladylooking man who works behind the kasse and bar, who i swear looks just like Carol Burnette circa 1974, same hair, and lips,and he is so heavily moisturized it looks like he put clear nail polish all over his face----but remember Berlin is a place of really bizarre trendy hair cuts and looks.

SO POLISISTI IZGINILI Z VISOKIMI GOSTI?
o my darling ljubjiana, you opened your golden gates to me and i let you drink chocolate milk from my large breastage!!!! I love you!!!! Everyone was so warm and accomodating and extremely helpful. All the juicy collaborators, from the mothers who donated their beautiful healthy white babies to me for the Madonna of Laibachdorf photo series and the VDasVB performance. Shout out to my new granddaughter Isabella, Nina, Pinta, SantaMaria!!!!
I am forever indebted to the generosity, courageous spirit and love shown by event producers Davide Grassi and his lovely and serene wife Marcela Okretic, of the Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art, who provided Dr. Doyle and i with a pristine villa as accomodations, filled with more food then we could ever eat, that overlooked the majestic Alps. It was so nice sleeping in a giant bedroom on a superkingsize bed that could have fit 45 lovers, and Davide and Marcela even pimped out men for us, so that our orifices were always filled with uber floppy, drippy appendages. yahoo!!!!!!
Everything ran smoothly, and tight tight tight, like a gash, like a wound. And the press coverage was amazing. I must have done 20 interviews and had 30 photo sessions, and all the journalistas asked prostrate probing questions.
It was wonderful being a part of the City of Women festival, and Marcela even produced a gigante party for Jennifer and I attended by literally hundreds at the old squattors encampment. Of course there is so much more to tell, and i will get to it all, i promise, I´m just a little exhausted at the moment, but i promise to give you the details of Jennifer´s lecture, and book signing for her new tome "Sex Objects" so please be patient.

PROBLEM MARKET
sLOVEnia as its spelled in the tourist publicity pamplets is gorgeous in the summer,but because of global harming its hot and super humid, two combinations that can make a drag queen quite ill and sluggish when having to do a performance in a gallery with no air-conditioning. Actually air-conditioning was installed, but with all the people it didnt feel like there was any,so of course i turned into a sweaty disaster. It didnt matter the piece went off without a hitch thanks to the efforts of producers Davide Grassi and his enchanting wife Marcela Okretič,their children Sofia and Dante Vaginal(named after yours truelly) Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art,City of Women, the Association For The Promotion of Women in Culture, and Kapelica Gallery where the event took place.
Special thanks and kisses should be sent to Sabine Potocki, Katia Kobolt, Dunja Kukovec and all the City of Women collaborators who provided the sexy living sculpture and cherubic baby supermodels for the VDasVB Madonna of Laibachdorf accompanying photoshoot, which took place at Alcatraz Gallery photographed by the brilliant Nada Žgank. The City of Women ladies took Professor jennifer Doyle and i to a sexy luncheon spot, and we laughed like old girlfriends, traded international art gossip and flirted with the hunky boy waiters including the muscular owner of the bistro who is from Montenegro. For more information on this incredible beautiful kollective of women superstar talents go to their website at www.cityofwomen.org.
O and i must mention my incredible stylist, make-up and hair designer Miss Metka Megušar Bizan, who made me look overwhelmingly sensational, so that all the bubble butt, big peniled Slovenian men were dripping to place their manifests inside my dank orifical. I adore Metka,and she is a delight to work with.
juri of Kapelica Gallery was looking as handsome and dashing as ever, as the main art czar of the Balkans he is the point man of the former Yugaslavian country art politik.
Many local celebs came to the show,as well as an incognito unrecognizeable Marilyn Manson who was in Slovenia performing. He came up to me and said hi with some young girl who didnt look anything like his current love interest Rachel Evan Wood, in fact this girl looked more like his ex-Dita Von Teese.
The City of Women sponsored an after party at the Squat Metelkova,where their offices are located, and we all got down until the wee hours.
Early in the week Dr. Doyle took me to a fancy din din at the Lunch Cafe where the 19 year old waiter oogled us to death with lovesexy attention. This boy had gigantic hands and feet, and i really wanted to kidnap him.
Friday afternoon taken to brunch by super stud curator at the Ljubjiana Museum of Modern Art, Igor "Spaki" Španol, where we both cruised the insanely juicy boys in the city center and traded international art gossip. Tonight is Professor Doyles presentation, so hopefully i will get a chance to write some more about this Balkan trip before i leave to go back home to Berlin.

ALL MY sLOVEnia
Had a joyous last evening in Berlin before leaving for the Balkans. My youthquaking escorts: boy writer Travis Jeppeson and his child bride Mario. We all went to see DJ Snax behind the famous wheels of steel at Shwuz in Mehringdam. Cute crowd of young suburban looking subterraneans. Had a great time, but as usual i am too old to stay out late, though Snax warmed my heart by playing Bernadette Cooper (from Klymaxxx fame) black dagger anthem "You Look Good".
Tried taking S-Bahn to Flughafen Schonefeld, but of course the German efficiency, was lacking and someone was cleaning all the rail tracks, so it was almost impossible getting to this Henry Left of Fielding aeroport. Somehow i managed, almost missing my Easy Jet Flight to Venice Italy, where handsome Davide Grassi of Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art was picking me up. We made a Death in Venice/Don't Look Now Julie Christie detour, and i got to feel like both Donald Sutherland and Dirk Bogarde, with Rhumatoid arthritis flaring up in the feet, and the stale humid air giving me the double d vapors. Rendevous with Professor Jennifer Doyle and her Lubian young lover for the long scenic drive to Slovenia. Davide and his co-producer and lovely, serene Argentine/Slovenian wife Marcela Okretic>know just how to take care of everything, so with print, radio and TV interviews all secured and deliciously coordinated, and collaborators firmly entrenched, i don't need to worry about a power bitchty thing, and i can enjoy the bountiful summer beauty of the city, and its many sun soaked bubble butt male splendours.
Need a good night sleep because tomorrow morn is the big photo shoot called, Vaginal Davis, VD as VB Madonna of Laibachsdorf.

AMOOROSA
Was listening to NPR, Berlin where Pete of Dishwasher Magazine was being interviewed about his new book about washing dishes in all 50 states. I originally met Mr. Pete back in the 90s when i was on the Ben is Dead Winnebego National Zine Tour. Pete was going out with a sweet fiddle playing gal who did a zine about working on a fishing boat in Alaska, i think her zine was called "Goin Fishing"
Glad to see that a really great and deserving person got a book deal instead of one of the usual idiots.
Bumped into the tall, goodlooking editor of the amazing Scrub Magazine on the street in Kreutzberg. He was with that artist from San Francisco, who now is based in Berlin, MC Alvarez, or is his name PT Alvarez?
***
Lovely birthday party for Ritchie and Salome, the twins of Fearless Leader of Cheap Suzi Sue. I adore Suzi´s GDR mom Ellen. She is a living doll.
Trolling the Hermannplotz with Tim Blue, who would go up to humpy Arab men and say, "I´ve seen your countries porn, and I know what you´re capable of doing to your own people!" Which surprisingly illicited lots of smiles.
***
I wish that tiny woman of a film star Tom Cruise would stop stalking me. He just moved to Berlin to be closer to me, buying a villa in Wannsee which is an exclusive Berlina area west of tony Charlottenberg. Major yuck yuck--i hope i don´t run into him anywhere.
Delightful birthday luncheon with Marcu of Cheap, we stopped by bbooks who are opening up a branch especially for Documenta. Cute boy is working at bbooks who has extra large feet. Ran into sexy Chenell who was in Istanbul at the same time that Daniela Romano was there. So great spending quality time with Marcu in our favorite pursuit----gossiping.
Cheap inspiration day watching Fassbinder´s Whitey and the Cheap concert of 2005 by Daniela, Tim & k-Johnny Blue at Hau 2 which will greatly influence our new production which goes into rehearsals in July after i return from Slovenia. Later in evening attended a happy-go-lovely watermelon and vodka party celebrating Marcu´s newly appointed research position at the University. joyous, frivolity abounding!!!
NOTE TO STUPID PEOPLE EVERYWHERE:
Please stop emailing wanting me to perform for free at your tired event or club. Drag queens aren´t just happy to be anywhere getting a little attention. Drag is serious hard work, make-up cost money, so when i beat on a face its to be re-numerated appropriately, anything less than that is insultin, and offensive, and will not be tolerated. So please take heed and only contact me when you know what your budget is going to be and include what kind of honorarium you are willing to offer me. To quote tired McDonna, who i hate, but this is fitting: "Time is $money and that money is mine".

CORNISCHE GAME HENS
Bar popping with 14 year old novelist Travis Jeppeson. Went to the Tom Bar Folllies where they were screening Rican Thug Porn and Arab Blue movies via Citi Beure. Ran into a Euro Creme pup who was in Bruce La Bruces Otto Up With Dead People. The tall gigantee genitalic youth was with his fugly sugardaddy who he obviously was bored with, because he kept ignoring the man and was constantly coming over to hang with Travis and I.
Spent a few days shopping furiously with Cheap husband Tim Blue looking for birthday presents for Ritchie Rich and Salome, the teenage children of Fearless Leader Suzi Su. As always i have a fantastie time with Mr. Blue, and we wound up at the Noble Elf bar in Kreutzberg for dwinks. Tim bumped into the dull German artist Rainer, who looks like a walking fishling, and one of Timmys Bay area pals Arturo was in the same malepussy posse.
Sunday i took a ho stroll and wound up at the tired dreadlock hippie park with the waterfalls. I hate hippies. I blame Perry Farrell of Janes Addiction for cross pollinating hippie culture and punk with his icky Lollapalooza Festival.

joke
whats the difference between a punk and a hippy?
none, a punk is a hippy with amnesia

I swear sometimes Berlin is worse then San Francisco as the capital of bad hair and ill fashion. Dont let me get started about women who dont blend their makeup, and just slop it on haphazardly.
Walked right into the middle of the Mehringdamn Sttreet Fair. The street fairs here remind me of a dirtier Sunset Junction, with shady Afrikan drug dealers, looking for customers and crazy German white chicks to plow.
Bumped into this drag king who has been living in Berlina for over 10 years, but is originally from Boston. I like her dishelveled saggy male bitch tit look. I can never remember her name, but she is a talkative good time Sally, and i like that.

What a small town i live in. Was on my way to the Tiergarten and who should i espy but Doug Upp from Hawaii and his sugar daddy who are touring the continent. They had just arrived to Berlin from Prague and were on their way to the Jewish Museum. What a surprise seeing Doug, i didnt recognize him, he has really aged, he and the sugar daddy looked like contemporaries. When he was young, he was quite cute, and use to make this interesting zine called Bucky Lake, which was like a soap opera zine about the Peyton Place like inhabitants of a fictional town.

The last time i heard from him, he had made an awful video using one of my PME songs and put it on icky You Tube. I told him not to, but he did it anyway, I dont have the resources to sue him, but the guy who financed my CD, and owns Spectre Sonic Records, is rich and will sue him when he gets wind of the violation.
I hate it when people figure that because you are an underground star they can just take your work and do whatever they want with it. I told Doug that he should show his talent, and create original music for his video, dont just steal my music, and attach it to your ill conceived project.

JINX HAWKENSPLUG
Treated to a wonderous breaky by Paddy Aldrich of Toronto´s Walk on the Wildside, the store where crossdresser Wilem Dafoe gets his big white panties, and where the new Hairspray movie bought foundation garments for Johnny Travolta. Paddy brought along her best friend, the famous filmmaker and investigative journalist Eva Jobst, who is from Leipzig, in the former GDR. Paddy and Eva met as penpals in their teens. Eva is a great beauty, and is warm and personable, just like Paddy. I´d love to meet Eva´s 22 year old son who is two meters tall, and wears a size 50 shoe----yum.
***
Went to MonGay at Kino Int´l with Daniela Romano of Cheap. We saw Kiki Monterpernase´s anthology short subject film "Fucking Problematic New York" or something like that. The premise is that lesbians make films about fags and vice versa. That mandate wasn´t followed completely, but who cares? I liked the first two films---a girl jock gets her first pedi-mani cure and two baby dykettes of colour go through the male habadashery ritual of tie knotting----GREAT!
Todd Verow´s contribution featured a portly pepperpot who resembled Margo Howard-Howard, the late downtown tranny who wrote the classic tome "I Was a White Sex Slave in Harlem"
Great seeing Kiki who is always cute and cuddly, and in the audience was a brooding Daniel Belcher of "Skin Flick" and "Raspberry Reich". Later i saw him in high cruise mode at the Tom´s Bar Follies. I am sure some lucky relic got to chow down on his beautiful Swiss Titan bone contendre.
Received two surprise care packaginas from the US of KKK. One from pretty Professor Jennifer Doyle of UC Riverside who will be with me in Slovenia at Aksioma Institute of Contemporary Art. She will be giving a talk about her book "Sex Objects" and of course i will be performing my latest VD as VB parody in the gallery.
Dr. Doyle sent me some make-up products i can´t get in Germany, books, an Olvera Street Mexican blanky, and other goodies.
Handsome Jeff Beaumonte, one of my Club Sucker regulars who was just in Berlin with his rock steady crew showered me with a gamount of gourmet dainties, and luxury items of the beauty potion inclement. When Jeff & Co. were in Berlina they took me for din din and drinks and wildly spoiled the lady. Ah i am reminded of the good ole days of Silverlake before the floods and rains of Ranchipur. A zillion thanks and kisses to Jennifer and Chevalier Beaumonte. I love you, i need you.
***
Decided to go for a dwink at Frankenstein 5000 at Hermannplotz. Ran into Tim Blue of Cheap and artist Matt the cute boy Otter, who is pals with art photog Ryan McGinnley and Amra Brooks the daughter of Joseph Brooks, of Jo& Henry and Vinyl Fetish fame. I had a major falling out with Jo years ago over his chintzy ways, and i wrote about it in a famous article in the LA Weekly, where all of Hollywood congragulated me on being so forthcoming. I didnt know that many people felt the same way about Joseph that i did, i think thats why he got so angry about the dig.
One of my biggest pet peeves is cheapskates. So if you are not a generous person, get thee gone and away from Vaginal Davis!!!!

ROTE INSEL
My new neighborhood of Red Island is a very famous part of Berlin. Everyone from Blixa Bargeld, Bowie, Lou Reed, Dietrich, Einstein, Klaus Kinski, Hildegard Knef and Billy Wilder have lived here. I like it because its not trendy, and there are gorgeous young Turks and Arabs roaming about with bubble butts in tight white pants.
The famous dinette set table of Cheap fearless leader Suzi Su was all a flutter once again with very special guest star, the dashing superstar academe Douglas Crimp, who dropped in for a surprise visit to Berlina via a conference in Hanover. Sitting around like a couple of white chix talking: Daniela Hendrickson, fresh from a month in Istanbul, Piero of La Collezione, Tim Blue, Marcu Siegel and young sänger Max Von Thun.
***
Wondermint evening at Kino Arsenal for the Roberto Rosselini homage. Got to see a different side of adulteress Ingrid Bergman in the hilarious 1953 short "The Chicken" and of course i worship George "I was bored" Sanders, and he and the luminous Ms. Bergman made a delightful pairing in the film "Voyage to Italy".
Stayed for the second program called Hardfilms: Pixels and Celluloid. Only the Arsenal and its savior Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, and her illustrious crew could bring you such diverse experimental offerings.

WHO´LL STOP THE RAIN?
Got caught in an avalanche of torential rain, a whorenado, thundercrack and lightening with the lovesexy and gracious Berlinale Film Festival and Kino Arsenal head honcho Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, and Tim Blue of Cheap at the Anchorclausen on the Canal.
We laughed and shared stories, as the the gods and godesses kissed the sky in flaggrant pavegrant. Timmy Blue told me that he will buy me a small underdeveloped country and an island in the South Pacific for Christmas, but not before he finishes work on a new documentary film about a 78 year Detroit based genius that the Goethe Institute and Arte Channel will be financing. I´m also going to suggest to Tim that for his first feature film he adapt the new novel, "Wolf at the Door" by 14 year old writing sensation Travis Jeppeson.

KÜSSE MIT HINDERNISSEN
My handsome studly husband, Tim Blue of Cheap is alway buying be lovely presents. Not only is he responsible for my glamourous new glass desk in my art studio, but he just presented me with a communist bicycle from the former GDR. Now i can ride around Berlina in style. Thank you my big strong papa, you are built for speed.
***
The famous round dinette set table of fearless leader Suzi Su of kollective Cheap was all ablaze Friday night. Suzi´s salon is Berlin´s intellectual must haven, and a modern answer to the Algonquin round table of yore. Seated feasting and pontificating until the wee hours: film historian Marcu Siegel, Kino Arsenal´s gorgeous Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Guy Maddin cinematographer(Brand Upon the Brain) gentle Ben from Seattle, Antonio Versace, Lydia Hearst, Joel Gibb of Canada´s Hidden Cameras, and Rafael Van Daer Vaart.
***
Saturday eve i bicycled down to Barbie Deinhoff´s for drinks with delightful British academe Gavin Butt(After Criticism), Marcu Siegel, modesigner Philippe Puron, socialite Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Elsa Pataky who was without beau Adrien Brody----hmmmm?

ZART KNOSPEN
I am an ill dinner party queen. Went to Bruce La Bruce´s cinematographer James Carman´s soiree at a posh Charlottenberg apt. Met Andrew Horn, the director of the incredible Klaus Nomi film. Mr. Horn is an American who has been living in Berlina for 17 years.
I also flirted with the Italienischer exportschlager Titziano Ferro who is beyond lovely.
The next day i hung out with diaper baby Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras. We had a blast at a street festival making fun of the Nollendorky gaysits.
My sweet editor Ruth Schonegger had a tiny dinner party the following evening. On the way to her flat a virile big footed young man asked me if i knew of an internet cafe nearby. I guess that is Berlinese for would you like to suck my giant penis? From one of Ruths´s friends i found out about the Wolfsburg Autostadt where automakers Volkswagon, Audi, Bentley, Lamburghini and Skourda have a disneyland style theme park. I have to pay the place a visit.
***
Uber heat warming the interior snuggle of the homo cancer shelf in Heisenheide Volkspark. Nothing but the fathers of trolls frolicking, so i went to visit the son of the Blood of Abraham, Assoff Hochman at his Stadmitte hightower apt with the gorgeous view. I adore handsome Assoff, who is a dancer with the Catherine Sullivan Company. Later in the balmy evening we recreated the central park dance scene between Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse from The Bandwagon.
Had a nightcapp at the Prinzekonnect, and in the starkroom, a salty dog couple chewed on my breastage, to a mighty tubular blue movie visual soundtrack of the lengendary Francois Faggot, i mean Sagat.
Max und Moritz performances have been especially winning. Everyone was on with a capital T, at the last one where none other then Ibadette and Mickey One of The Super700 band came to check us out. Afterwards fearless leader Suzi Su took me for a lesbian luncheon at Delores, the Burrito joint in Mitte,where we talked about our next Cheap project which now has the working title of "Blacky".
14 year old writing wunderkind Travis Jeppeson invited me to attend a screening of Fassbinders Fox and his Friends along with his beautiful 12 year old beau Mario, and DJ Jazzy Snax at Basso, the brain child of Yusi Etiman, who i finally met, after a million people have told me i should know him. He was very personable and gave me a copy of his sweet art magazine.
Ran into lovesexy artist and DJ Dennis Wang who has been living in Berlin for years. I originally met him in Chicago in the early 90s when he was part of the Thing magazine house music all night long kollective.
After the movie we drank and stank at Barbie Deinhoff, ate at Oregano and more liquoring at Rosa´s. The perfect Berlin evening.
Thanks again to little Travis for forcing me to be more social. I can´t wait to read Travis latest tome, which he gave me a preview copy of.

DIE FRAU MIT DEM HELM
Received a lovely note from a UK fan who wondered why former collaborators Andrew Gould of the Parlour Club, Frank Rodriguez of Club Sucker, and photographer Rick Castro had fallen out of my favour.

The only way i can answer is that i always act consistently. When I am finished with a person it is forever. I do not think this is a good way to be. But i endow the people i love with certain beauties and excitement, and when they make me sore all the inspiration dies out of the relationship.

KÄFIGE IM KESSEL
Fearless leader Suzi Su of Cheap was my lesbianic date for din din with auteur Bruce "Judy"LaBruce at a quaint boite in Kreutzberg. There is so much gossip in Berlin surrounding Cheap. The latest is that Suzi is preggers with my baby. To help flame the rumourville, i´m telling everyone that as a lesben couple we will both be having twins simultaneously, but aren´t at liberty to name the famous father.

After our meal we went to the wrap party for Judy´s new zombie flicker "Otto-Up With Dead People" at a spacious loft down the street from the restaurant. Everyone was dressed in zombie chic, which in beautiful, but bleak Berlin means come as u are.
Brilliant reunion with Hustler White´s incredible cinematographer, the dashing James Carman and sound meister Soren, who are part of the LaBrucian stock company of film players, having also worked on Skin Flick, Raspberry Reich, and now Otto.
Seen cavorting: producer Jürgen Bruning with his happy-go-lovely right hand man Kiki Montpernese, DJ Snax fresh from a stint with the Scissor Sisters, Zoo Magazines 14 year old writing sensation Travis Jeppeson with his witty 12 year old Slovakian lover in tow with his mom.
No party in Berlin is complete without Evie, Allessio, & Sasha of the bbooks klan, add to that make-up giantessa Pasqual, and Asha, the delectable Josephine Baker doppleganger and number #1 assistant to design god Rick Owens, who created the heavenly fashions for Otto and will also be doing costumes for my next Cheap project, a musical stage version of Fassbinder´s Whitey. O and least i forget Bruce La Bruce has rounded up a lovesexy cast of exuberant lusty youthquakers. Watch out boxoffice!

OU DU PIMENT DANS LÉAU DE ROSE
Incredible dinner at Fearlesss Leader Suzi Su´s with NYC experimental film royalty Sherry Millner and Ernie Larson, also Kembra of VHKB, who is in New York filming Otto, or Up With Dead People, Bruce LaBruce´s new zombie flicker, and Tim Blue. Spirited intellectually stimulating conversations abound.
The salon of Suzi is becoming the Berlin Dinette Set, a smaller version of the infamous Algonquin round table.
Spent most of the day with Kembra whose brilliance always keeps me well illuminated. Kembra speaks fluent German. Who knew?
My Club Sucker regulars, dinge queen delight Marvina Jones, Dan the Man-o-War, tuetonic raised ginger Lewis and juice monger Jeff took me out for din din and dwinks in the gay ghetto of Nollendorky plotz. So great seeing these boys outside of icky Los Ang. Club Sucker really had an affect on a generation of LA kids who got beer soaked and thromboned during that raucacus moment of the qway 90s.
Went to Arsenal for the screening of Sherry and Ernie´s award winning shorts, "Disaster" 1976 "41 Shots" 1999 "The Art of Protective Coloration" 1992 and their work-in-progress "Sight Gags" What an event! What great filmmaking genius!
During the Q&A the couple put out the word that they are looking for short films to screen from their 23rd Street windows in Chelsea. Taking in this hot scene: Wilhelm Hein and photog gal pal Annette Frick. Evie of the b books kollective, the lovely Stephanie and Nanna H. the main ladies of the Sony Centre, humpy kunstlers Christopher Mayer and Michael Sailstorfer, who both have big crushes on Tim Blue of Cheap, designers Clemens Weisshaar and Joe Corre of Agent Provacateur with his mother Vivienne Westwood, internet unternehoner Lars Hinrichs who was trying in vain to get the lady Ms. Davis to go out with him, and muscular Greek tycoon Vasily.

BERLIN ECKE SCHÖNHAUSER
Enjoyed brilliant flirtation with lovesexy young Swiss footballer Blerim Dzemaili. Boy does this kid have large, masculine feet, and a winning soccer smile. Yowza!!!!
Performed at the Arsenal as part of a special presenation by Wilhelm Hein, the experimental film guru of Germany. I presented a small excerpt from my award winning performative lecturina "Porno Adorno" but this time i did the entire thing in German to thunderous applause. My German wasnt very good, but everyone seemed to understand what i was saying, or at least they were charmed by it.
Went to a posh dinner party with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras and Stuart Comer of Tate Modern for down-to-earth British artist Hilary Lloyd, at a swanky apartment. Later we went to the Kuntslerhause in Kreuzberg for this big art shindig, that was very dull, with loud techno musik blaring.
Fearless leader Suzi Su took me to the famous Doctor Minx for my knee problem which has been getting worse. Thank god i have insurance in Germany, something i never had in the states. Dr. Minx is marvelous. He took blood, urine and stool samples, and is going to get down to the bottom of a problem that has been plaguing me for several years. He perscribed some strong methadone like medication, that has me feeling absolutely no pain. Berlin is not a city to be a cripple in. There is absolutely no wheelchair access, and elevators and escalators or almost non existant.
Cheap´s Tim Blue and I, had dinner with Wilhelm and his photog girfriend Annette Frick. The publisher of Wilhelm´s new book, "Who Killed the Underground" was there as well, along with hot French dyke Cecile, of London´s Horse Hospital.
Went to the joint birthday party of "Max und Moritz" star Dennis Pöpping and his Bulgarian husband Nickolai. Lovely international cast of characters, with good food and drink. At party i flirted with Moritz Bleibtreu, who is a big fan of M&M. In June i will do a command performance of M&M for the President of Germany, Chancellor Angie Merkel and her lesbian lover Condolezzie Rice at the big palast in the Tiergarten. What a hoot that will be.
Ran into my old Club Sucker regulars Marvina & Co in the gay ghetto Saturday. Great seeing them. Marvina is a dinge queen delight. Even men who never have sex with black guys, always fancy Marvina, who is too damn sexy for his own good, with an irresistible personality. A bubble butt Italian immediately latched on to him at Tom´s Bar and wasnt about to let go. After Berlin, Marvina and his rock steady crew head off to Istanbul, where there just might be a military coup. Don´t we live in an exciting world?

EINGUTES JAHR
In true Max & Moritz splendour The M&M´s gangmembers have ganged up against their teacher Herr Lempel in a quiet battle of Paris is Burning style shade that would make Dorian Corey proud.
The premiere was a sensational success. Seen making the 10am trawl: Kunstler beauty boy Matthias Weischer, director Dieter Wedel with lesbian looking teutonic boy starina Max Buskohl, Canadian auteur Bruce "Judy" LaBruce in town filming his new zombie picture, which also features his muse and Cheap kollective fearless leader/Max und Moritz director Susanne Sachsee, dancer Asoff Hochman, Joel Gibb of The Hidden Cameras, Berlinale programmer Nanna Heidenreich & Co, experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein with photog girlfriend Annette Frick, The Berlin cast of Blue Man Group, actor Achmed Berger and the comedy star who goes to the opening of a bag of potato chips Oliver Pocher.
On my day off i wound up at a little sleazy bar in the evening, and had a nice conversation with an elderly Irish man living in Berlin. The Irish and their money bags are buying up the town. My apartment building is owned by an Irish gay couple. I also chatted with a young American boy who i watched interview a piss queen in the toilet, asking the man if he had fought in World War 2 when it was obvious, at least to me, that he wasnt old enough. This kid admitted to me he is living illegally in Germany and plans on hustling when his money runs out.

FREUNDE & FÖRDERER
Spring in Berlin, and its major Ms. Gorgicity. All the humpy boys are wearing next to nothing on the streets, and in the U and S Bahns. Just what i need to stay happy and contented. The German version of Johnny Knoxville, Olli Pocher has been trying desperately to raid the lady Ms. Davis´ big white Nina Blanchard panties, but i am not interested in him, as he is too young and doughy. I like boyish men, but not when they resemble an infant.
Parkaue Theatre intern Lars Schulz took me to the ausländerbehörde office to pick up my official artist visa. Thank god i had young, sexy and muscular Lars with me. The nelly, officious agent fell madly in love with him, and i received an unpresidented 2 year visa with an option for an indefinate one. Something no one gets on their first or even 5th visit, so i scored a major coup with La Migra.
With a grueling rehearsal schedule, my only day off is Sunday, and i spent it with Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras for our weekly Molly Ringwald bruncheon club. This time we went to Cafe November, which is President Clinton´s favorite boite in Berlina. All the young queens eating al fresco were going gaga over handsome Joel.
Later we went to see his friend Khaela of the band The Blow perform. She was opening up for Blonde/Redhead dopplegangers Deerhoof. Khaela and her girlfriend Melissa were delightful. Miss Khaela reminded me of an indie rock Ellen DeGeneres, and has a similar stage presense and tone. I loved it when she sang accapella, with her Jodie Foster Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane voice. Wish i could have stayed to see her entire set, but i had an 8am rehearsal call, and my knobby knock knees were giving me arthritic problems.
I´m sad to report that humpy James Lyon, the editor of Todd Haynes´movies died. James also was an actor appearing in Haynes´ films Safe and Poison as the rapist. He also played David Wojnarovicz in the performance piece Postcards From the Wedge.

FRÜHLINGSGEFÜHLE
Hot German actor making the salty dog rounds in Hollywood, Thomas Kretschmann joined Joel Gibb and I for Easter Leather Daddy Bruncheon. Herr Kretschmann has really big feet, and quite the package protruding from o sooo tight Costume National jeans.
Fearless leader Suzi Su and Marcu brought gifts of the spirit to the doll for her new spacious flat. That Suzi always knows what i need even before i do. Daniela and Piero of the Piero Collezione also contributed to the lets get Ms. Davis situated cause.
Had a post leather easter coffee and dainty´s with DJ Jazzy Snax in his home hood of Fredrickshaim. Snax gave me a copy of his Love Pollution CD which has risen to the top of my personal lady day soundtrack pile.
Back on the 10am-2pm. break then 6pm-10pfm Max und Moritz rehearsal schedule. The premiera is april 19th, so rush out and get your tickets kids. just be prepared that this debut is 10am in the morning. The Parkaue is a Children´s Theatre. Suits my time needs perfectly.

THE ECONOMY OF THE GOLDEN BONE
Joel Gibb, of Toronto´s Hidden Cameras is now living in Berlin, and had a tiny gathering at his spacious flat in the east. The guest list included the beautiful mulatta singer Val of the British duel Noblesse,Oblige. Val and her handsome German juicekick Sebastian, have been living in Berlina for sometime. We sistah bonded on a matter of topics of being foreigners in a strange mercurial land. Her musical project has found quite the audience here in Germany. I´ve never seen them, but somebody recently told me that they are like the Thompson Twins but without the funny looking dread head black guy.
Also at the soiree was young editor/writer Malta,who wrote this great article a few years back that featured Fearless leader Suzi and Marcu of Cheap, about gay men coupled in sexual relationships with straight women. Malta also is a performer along with portly pepperpot dragqueen Kay, in the combo Strawberry Short Cake.
Joel surprised me by taking us all to Berlin Hilton, the weekly queer dance party around the corner from his apartment. We were the guests of the club´s young Brazilian DJ Ricardo, who like a proper host made sure we had drinks all night long. Berlin Hilton is located within this gorgeous compound, and is a nice sized space for a weekly party. Ran into Paul Bonomo aka DJ Snax, who has been living in Berlin for many years, and who i have never bumped in to till now. I´ve known Paul since he was a teenage Robert Smith of the Cure fanatic who use to write me long fan letters from the DC area during my homocore zinedom period of over 20 years ago. Now he is part of a flourishing Berlin/euro newJack swing style dance music scene. I still play one of Paul´s records in my DJ playlist, from when he was in the spirited San Francisco based band Fag Bash.
Also at Berlin Hilton, the lovely Catherine of the Hebbel Theatre, artist Dean Samashima and tired Easy Target Heike Heiko, the curator from Graz, Austria´s Campshow Steiermark, who know runs some space in Vienna.
There were a lot of very good looking boys at Berlin Hilton, some of the best looking i´ve seen at any event that wasnt one of my own.

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE A MOVIE WITH MADONNA IN IT
Nor do they want to see a movie that she directed, or wear clothes that she has designed, so this disgusting campaign by H&M that is spread throughout Berlin billboards is really revolting. Madge please take your big dick husband and children, and retire from public life. You´ll be the better for it, really you will.
And i don´t want to hear from all you sad faggots who worship the diva into the gas chambers.
***
Rehearsals for the Cheap production of Max und Moritz have been going nicely. We did a full run through of Tricks 1-3, and the piece is really taking delicious shape. Director and Fearless Leader Suzi Su and Dragon Yvonne(the choreographer)have done an amazing job of realizing this project.
***
Got an email a few weeks ago from Texas Terri that she moved to Berlin. LA has really taken a turn for the worse, if a Hollywood rock n roll chick like Miss Texas has made the jump across the bridgespan. Who will be next Mr. Dan and Paul V? OOOOO i hope not.

LES BU´CHER DES VANIT´ES
Just returned from a delightful trip to Montreal, Canada where i lectured at McGill University along with professor Jose Esteban Munoz of NYU. 800 eager eyed coeds came out to see us on a Friday nite on a commuter campus, no less. Jose wowed them with his anti gay marriage tome, while the doll talked about her exploits as an art whore in Europa. The Carter Family set the tone of this soundtrack, and Tim Blue of kollective Cheap gave me a copy of his documentary of our Austrian Styria performance calvacade with slides taken by fearless leader Suzi Su. I began my lecturina with the spoken word piece and accompanying images "Tom Cruise Loves Women"
It feels good to know that you´re still relevant to the radiant youth.
Special thanks to the lovely Iranian goddess Leila Pourtavaf for being such an amazing hostess with the mostess on her hairy eyeballs. We were royally taken care of with suites at the Omni Hotel, fabu dinners, nights drinking and stinking plus limo lap dances at Taboo, where i was seduced by a 21 year old Portugeuse fisherman of unearthly endowments.
Over three hundred packed into the Articule Gallery to see me screen The Berlin Stories, Cheap Rumourville, One Man Ladies and Dr. Chris Teen, Sexual Surrogate where Judy LaBruce and I play careerist dykes. One sweet Saaph told me she use to sneak into my Club Sucker when she was a 15 year old baby dyke living in Orange County. Now in Montreal she owns Revolution an une nouvelle boutique de bicyclette where you can also get your hair cut.
The big dance party in our honor was held at Le Studio, attended by thousands and featuring performances by the lovesexy Jane Birkinesque chanteuse Donzelle, and provacateuse Mikiki, who gave herself a champagne enema while singing in glossalia style Amazing Grace. I would love to take Mikiki under my mentor wing and style her, she really has something there that needs to be fine tuned. I appreciate that she makes her own outfits, and has a whimsical sense of self, but i could help her dial it all in.
The wonderful DJs Sho Sho, Leanne, Kandis and Will Munro of Vaseline fame were all extroidinary, but Dr. Munoz and I being old hagathas had to leave the party early. I am glad i did, because i would not have met young French actor Guillaume Canet in the elevator. It was snowing outside, but my room was now well heated by Mr. Canet´s frommage quetat. yummy.
Our last day in Montreal, the brilliant, sexually virulant young patrician Iranian artist Amir Baradaran took us for afternoon tea at Nocochi. The chocolate Persian confections we sampled were beyond major ms. gorgeous. The owner started her career in Dubai creating dainties for the royal families of the Arab world. Now she rules an entire empire of excellence in Canada. Mr. Baradaran promises to bring me to Iran, and i would be willing to follow him to the far reaches of the worlds end.
Thank you to Q-team Collective, Articule and La Centrale Galleries, Campus Student Life Fund,Center 2110, Union for Gender Empowerment, Concordia Sexual Diversity Alliance, Simone De Beuvoir Institute,QPIRG McGill and Concordia, the Dean of Arts Development Fund, and all i met on this trip for making my visit such a stunning success. Montreal reminds me of Portland, Oregon in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Leaving a boy titty bar on Faubourg Ste Catherine a young man pulled out his enormous penis right on the street, corner and started doing helicopters. No one has ever done that to me in Berlin, nést pas?

BALDADEZ VOTRE DIFFUSION
It sure is cold here in Montreal. I appreciate the early Berlin Spring more now that my face is freezing when i step out of my lovely suite at the Omni Hotel right across the street from McGill University. My hotel room even has a bedet---i drink from it all day.
The long flight from Berlina wasn't that bad. The first leg took place in one of the most cramped commuter jets i've ever flown in. I sat next to a handsome, young Swiss business type, who was completely indifferent to the charms of "The Doll". Of course Mr. Henry Grethel suit needs to be killed immediately for not wanting to join the mile high club with la diva.
The Zurich Airport is like being in the 1930s film version of Brave New Word. Talk about high tech. Been to Zurich many times, but always by train from other parts of Europa. I thought i would have to exchange my euros from Swiss Francs, but the woman at the till said, we take American Dollars, British pounds, Euros, Pesos, Crankels and Kernels. Got a bite to eat at the Burger King and it cost 10 euros-- Yikes!
Luckily on my flight there were lots of lovely pale skinned boys with peaches and cream complexions, and a throbbing group of juicy young hasidic jews, whose thick knobs i would have loved to polish.
Cute and efervescent Ms. Leila, one of the main organizers of the arts conference i am participating in at McGill, looks like she is 17, and is good pals with Joel Gibb of The Hidden Cameras. Professora Jose Munoz of NYU, and i grab a bite to eat at a chi chi french bistro, and then check out the limousine lap dancing boy bars Campus and Stroke. We will save a date with the legendary male showpalast Taboo, for when the kids take us out for a nice dinner after our lecture, then its all show and Guiermo Tell.

BERGHAIN SCHMERGAIN
Finally went to the famous dance palast in the industrial east. Loved the barreness of the neighborhood, and the out-of-the-way location, and this former factory is an architectural wondermint. Too bad all these fantasticals are wasted on a club, that basically comes off flat and listless. Bad music, no scheme or design, or interesting visuals, just thump thump and crawler. I did like the fact that its a mixed gay and straight crowd, but the poor children and faggots that go here are of the suburban quality who are just happy to be anyplace. Its such a waste as this club if art directed properly could really be spectacular. I would invite artist to create interactive installations throughout the cavernous spaces, and divide it all into smaller rooms with diffferent types of music and chill spaces and bars, and add some kind of sexual visual delirium to the mix and also the lame gay darkroom. Hire porn stars or exhibitionists to jumpstart the action, make things into a voyeur paradise, so many people in Germany love taking off their clothes---work that angle more. As it is Bergy seems just like a tired American style exercise in making money, which i do not mind. But do it with some flair and finesse. More commentary on this and other Berlin nitelife later. Gotta run to Max und Morris rehearsal.