NEWYORIKAN BLESSINGS
Swift flight to Manhattan with Papa dee da da Ron Athey and Dr. Jennifer Doyle for NYU's Where Art and Life Collide Symposium. Franko B was supposed to be a part of the event, but he wasn't allowed to board the plane in London---some nonsense concerning a visa and irregular passporte photo discrepancy. Franko must have cursed them out royally at Heathcliffe, i mean Heathrow airport. I was looking forward to hanging with the great Franko B. I haven't seen him since the Nation Review of Live Art Festival in Glasgow, Scotland in 2004. Celebrity siting on my plane. The giant cute, Chinese basketball star---don't know his name, but he's taller then me. i wonder if he has extra large genitalia?
NYU chair of the visual art department, and lovely gamine Nancy Barton with luscious Jonathan Berger, event producer put me right to work the next day critiquing MFA candidates and making studio visitations. Talented crop of future art starinas. Had a wonderful time with New Orleans native Rachel Detrinis, a spirited and intelligent beauty who works in an arts n crafts mode, knitting and crocheting new and earthy horizens mixed with electronic media and needlepoint whimsy. Love it.
Was lost in kusak conversation with Dutch/Canadian pretty Jonah Groeneboer, a sensitive and softspoken F2M student. I was surprised i wasn't able to clock him as a tranny boy. I'm so use to macho transits, that his slight sissy manner and appearance completely threw me for an overextended loop. Jonah totally passes and is 100% young faggot realness. The big black mama in me just wants to nurture and death hug the children, and to protect them from the disasters that come with an art life, but i've got to snip that unbiblical cord, and let them find their own gravela pathstain.
Began rehearsing with handsome hunksis John Blue, the younger brother of my Berlin Cheap collektive comrade Tim Blue. John lives in Bushwick, Crooklyn in a spacious loft/studio. Bushwick is a big dick thickerous Rican/Dominican area, that is just adore, especially the elecated train stations that look so movie set. John's neighbors adore him---well who wouldn't he is a dazzlingly stunning young man and speaks fluent Spanish. John took me to a local eatery and we feasted. I'm sure we're going to come up with something special for Bricktops Takes Manhattan on Thursday May 4th.
Went to see Jonathan Bergers show at Grimm Rosenfeld Gallery in Chelsea. Jonathan's work is sublime. Hard to believe he is 26 years old now. Didn't i just give birth to him yesterday? Jonathan is so goodlooking, with a gorgeous distinct nose and lips of vermillion. Met his parents---he has a dapper dad, who is a bit of a showboater---claiming all attention in the room, and a stylish and serene mother. Jonathan comes from New York art royalty.
Writer Glenn Belverio took me to dinner at the saucy French Bistro Casimir. Love the food and the ambiance, Uma Thurman sat near us and gave me a bit of attitude. Perhaps she thought i was someone else, as i don't know her from Adam 12. I've always liked Uma, but can't stand her drug addled ex-husband Ethan Hawke. Maybe she gave me daggers because she knows i use to have a regular thing with Andre Belaz.
Glen took me on a Village post queer tour that began at the Monster where we drank frozen Margaritas. The Monster is a bonafide Monster show. Sour bar tenders, and a clientele that reminds me of LA in the early 80s. What a time continuem vortexa. I found it amusing though for a while. The best ill look awards go to a long on the tooth hustler in panjabi jeweled flip flops, madras pajama bottoms and an egg shell blazer over a heliotrope wife beater. First runner up is the salt n pepper gay couple in badfitting matching tuxedos who kept going in and out of the restrooms. The downstairs discoteqa is even more odd, with a barrel chested Lou Costello gogo gargoyle with horn rimmed glasses, who had an ardent admirer who was loudly quizzing him about his work out routine. Daddy Athey joined us and his eyes glazed at the very site of it all. We also dropped by Marie's Crisis, the sad luck piano bar. The evening ended at Duvet which is all homo modern, slick but lacks any sexual energy even with a bedroom decor. Nice seeing and talking with DJ Larry T in his airport lounge dj booth. Larry is a hoot, didn't get to meet his new male order child bride. Larry rules!
I'm amazed at the benal Miami/LA style of big New York clubs. I guess the whole world now caters to the dull nouveau riche. Its quite sad, but isn't ruining my new york minutes. The city in spring is breathtaking.

HOLLYWOOD FUR ANFANGER
Spent a few days in Berlina to begin recording the new Ruth Fischer album "Sexualethik des Kommunismus". We didn't get a chance to do much recording as my comrades in arms Ibadette and Mickey One were too busy with their main musical project The Super 700's, but it was wonderful spending time with them and the Cheap gang.
Tim Blue of Cheap moved into his new 100 euro a month apartment, and it is a delightful flat. Tim is such a design genius, his use of space is flawless. He gave me a copy of his new chapbook "Public Sex, I Love You" and its as brilliant as he is with sharp insightful writing that is right on the markus mark.
As a group Cheap invaded a Cazzo porno premiere at this new industrial bar Luxe, in Krutzberg. The flick starred eugo sensation Thom Barron. It was strange seeing a gay blue movie in a large crowd. No one knows the appropriate way to view porn in public these days as porn is only something that one rents and isn't seen in theatres, but Jurgen Bruning, Bruce La Bruce's fantastic producer is changing all that with his Porno Film Festival in October. I've been invited on the Jury Selection, and will also conduct a How to Have Sex, Like those Fuycking Blakxxx workshop.
On this last trip to Berlin it was great hanging with experimental film guru Wilhelm Hein and his art photog gal pal Annetta Frick, Judean beauty boy and bubble butt studkin Assof Hockman, Belgian designer Coen Claerhout, Gelitin juicy Ali Janka and his Babi Papi, and filmmaker Christian Asbach, whose footage from our Silvester Party was stunning. Christian also showed me some of his other experimental films and the video he shot for a Ruth Fischer ditty. Christian is a perky new talent to keep an eye on, and he's awfully cute and robust.
Leaving Berlin was difficult, i was having so much fun with Timothy, Marcu, Daniela and fearless leader Suzi. My connector flight was delayed big time and i wound up spending the night in a cute airport boutique hotel in ugly Frankfurt, courtesy of Luthansa Airlines. Returned to tired LA and in one day had to fly to Ohio University in Athens for a visiting artist gig. Had a blast with the cute young kidz at this school outside of Columbus Ohio. Ohio U is the #7 party school in the country according to Playboy Magazine, and they all showed up to party down at my lecture/performance which was packed to the rafters with cornfed, free range humpsters and sexy Hilljacks from the Appalachian mountains. Lovely reuniting with Professor Jenny Klein, who i spent gobs of time with two years ago at the National Review of Live Art in Glasgow, Scotland. Ms. Klein is adorable and filled with endless energy. My connector flight to Ohio was very late, so i almost missed the boat. Thank god for popular student performer Nikki who was my opening act and entertained everyone until i showed up. Nikki and her bevy of buxom lesbian girl gangmembers were my ninja bodyguards, keeping the frat boys from leaving pearl necklaces on my face(well almost), and escorting me back to the airport. Special thanks to Eliot and all the wonderful people at Ohio U, which i found out is a midwestern porn capital. One sublime Japanese/American boy i met with his super intellectual tight bodied pal,is an internet porn ingenue.

ABER SICHER WILL ICH SEX BIATCH!
Wonderous time in Bregenz with my Gelitin boys. Much love kisses and thanx to daddy loving Ali and Papi Choulo, bick dicked dwink of water Flo, and his pretty wife and gorgeous children, Chevalier Wolfie Amadeus, and matinee idol Tobi. you are the bestest.
Got up early and took train to Berlin. Of course i got a bit lost as i don´t do trains well either. nice adventure though. met cute fat assed train worker who helped me MUCH, and lots of deli eye candy on the long long winding road to Oz as in berlina. sat next to a handsome baby dyke and a flawless young business man---yum
reunion with cheap din din and lots of drinking at the communista pizza joing with daniela and tim blue, lots of hugs and kisses. went to the Sheuna leather daddy salty dog bar and it was packed with leatherettes and costumers from all over fairyland. everyone wanted to suck on my lady tits and i let them, i was so hungry for stink. settled down and had a mini romance with a cute chinese aussie fashionista twinkasaurus till 3am, came back to flat and crashed until 3pm the next day. i had a lot of sleep to make up for.
kilbanza!

FÜHRUNGSPROTOKOLL
I don´t know what day it is, thats the whirl i´ve been under with the boys from Gelitin here in Austria. I´ve had a wonderous mad swirl of a time. Got to flirt with cute tiny Christof of of the many Geliten army memebers. Christof has the tightest roundest bubble butt on record, and is sincere and sensitive. He doesn´t know exactly what to make of me. The Gelitin exilhary members are an international lot scouring the globe. David Jourdain, from France is one of the most masculine. He reminds me of a slightly taller Jean Genet, but with a bigger thicker penis. Hooray! The girls including Joey Heatherton look-a-like Rita Novak and Romy Schneider doppleganger Sabine Friesz are just delights. And the rest of the performers and crew are the most lick and suckable in all of Christendom.
My good friend and younger art sister Rosina Kuhn came to the fancy opening last night. There were a thousand people crowded into the museum, enjoying the liquor that never stopped flowing.
During the performance a hot father, daughter and son partook in the mudslide room, stripping and playing in the Volcanic kanundra. The boy was such a beefy bubble butt divinity that he made everyones jaw drop. Fine ass, face, dick and titty. The quatre whammy. unbelievable.
after the opening we went to the only alternative bar in town on top of a mountain. i flirted some more but the only ones sharing my room were two girls that decided they didn´t want to sleep with some of the gelitin crew boys so i wound up hosting an impromptu slumberina party. not exactly what i was hoping for but i am a lady who goes with the flowzilla. Got run now its time for the gourmet artist luncheon.

HOLLUNDER
Bregenz, Austria is a small town of under 20,000 people off of one of the largest lakes in all europa. I äm a young girl in the provinces, and that became stingly clear as the Gelitin crew and I were cavorting in the third floor homo moderne Kunthshaus volcanic mud slide room in their new museo piece Chinese Synthese Leberkäse.
The local yocalti had a twitchy nigger fit and became disturbed by our romper stomper ala naturelle. I quoteth, "we`ve never seen men and women being naked in that way and its upsetting to us." The Jurgen Bruning look-a-like curator also reported that these village workmen are refusing to set foot in the gallery if such displays continue.
i missed the opportunity to take a break from installing to visit ole crazy king Ludvig of Bavaria´s castle. i just can´t handle a long car ride without getting sick. Gabrielle the statuesque nelly prince of judea Gelitin minister of information was driving, but i do not believe he knew where to go exactly. i am sure that my fellow Angelenos Dame Darcy and Sean deLear along with Mexican beauty princessa Sara Montiel Glaxia, the pal of junky below the border film icon and hungthrob Diego Luna and paramour to art star Raymond Pettibone would have a nicer trip without my contact whining and need to relieve my pea bladder.
Yesterday after a full days love labour lost we relaxed at the co-sexúal lake spa for some tender bovine care.
The Gelitin boys are superstars. Their notorious World Trade Center intervention right before 9-11 first brought them international curiosity, and this new piece that i´m part of is sure to become a modern scandale.

VIEGER SANCTION
Mr. Guy Trebay, the patrician journalist with the New York Times, New Yorker,Vanity Fair and Conde Nast Traveler took me to dine at a scrumpt devore bistro on 9th Street. Our morose waiter was dourly amusing, and the restaurant owner charming and attentive with his Adolphe Menjou mustache. I loved hearing about Mr. Trebay´s travels to Dubai, Oman and the Michael Jackson principality of Bahrain (spelling?)
Trebay and Davis together and its all about getting gertie´s giggling garter.
Azo of nyu video dept gave me a bon voyage bruncheon at the French Roast on 6th Avenue. joining us Billy Miller, Finnish artist Eija Lisa Ahtila who just won some prestigious arte mundi prizet, Aerin Lauder Zinterhofer and Gabby Karan DeFelice. Of course i had to keep the girls from power bitching each other to death which was a bit taxing.
o and i forgot to mention that after dins with mr. trebay, i bumped into glenn belverio and his st. martins press editor of his new tome "confessions from the velvet ropes". they had just dined with Bruce Benderson, his bubbly gallic gamine writer friend Tsipi Keller and bon vivant heiress Cory. The group dragged me to the 40 year anniversary party of Patricia Field at Capitale on Bowery. Not a great soiree by any means but it was sweet running into my old la gangla of nurse lauren pine, jeff gardner, scott ewahlt who is now going out with michael of the former big dicked power couple of the early 90s michael and andrew sears, (nee sears-roebucks)
and it was a hootel seeing and chatting with mz. understood, that connie girl, kenny kenny, richie rich, and xavier.

THE UNIVERSAL URGE
To smell a fart, so spake the great John Waters at the taping i attended with my NYU video art professor pal Azo. Mr. Waters' monologue consisted of some of his banter from his Christmas show, but all done in an easyflowing conversational manner, which never comes across as rehearsed shtick. A packed house at a lower manhattan community theatre, the Henry Street Settlement. Sitting next to Azo and I was the legendary Waters' production designer/art director Vincente Perrini who has been with Mr. Agua since Multiple Maniacs, and besides designing the spare stage set also works in the mainstream with the HBO TV show Wired. Mr. Perrini's long on the tooth hustler boyfriend sat next to him but didn't contribute to the conversation.
I didn't quite catch why his lecture was being filmed, but it was a pleasant evening, the only blight being a gaggle of oportunists who used the Q&A portion of the event to wrangle a job, but John Waters dodged the Eve Harringtons with grace and class.
I DJ'd the Weimar New York Earl Dax event at Joe's Pub. Lots of fun. Joe's is a sublime space, and Earl is one of the hardest working promoters in new york. When does he find time to sleep? Backstage was reunited with sexy and commanding Flotilla DeBarge who will be starring on Broadway opposite Alan Cummings in the revival of The Three Penny Opera. No one deserves success more then my lady Flo.
Met Julie Atlas Muse, the burlesque starina who perfectly began the nights festivities with rousing visual flair. Great seeing scintilating Theo of the Luna Chicks, Adam Dugas who is part of the cabaret kollective Citizen Band and co-hostess Shari Vine looking just like Joan Blondell. I was really impressed by a woman who played the accordian and sang in a fantastically choppy manner. She was definately one of my favorite performers, but i didn't catch her name.
My entourage included Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU and his cute lookalike cousin Albert De Acosta, Billy Miller of STH, Slovenian art dreamboat Davide Grassi and the divine Nicole Blackman. Joining us later was Bruce Benderson, Glenn Belverio, Slava Mogutin and his hot beau Brian. The celebs in the audience were Elaine Stritch, John Lurie and Sylvia Miles.
I met with my delightful Bricktops Takes Manhattan students from NYU at Michael Casselli's class. The Kidz have so many brilliant ideas, and Michael has really inspired them with his brilliance. Michael did the best room at Platinum Oasis, an electrical bunker, that people still talk about, and its been almost 5 years.
Ran around with my Israeli pop star son Jonathan Berger, shooting the proverbial breeze with Adrian and Nathan of the Grimm Rosenfeld Gallery and also hanging with John Connelly and company at John Connelly Presents. Of course i had to see my girl Lia G. of Participant, and she remains one of New York's most striking beauties. Its all been such a whirlwind, but i must mention that i did attend an Al Hansen exhibit at the Andrea Rosen Gallery in Chelsea. Bibbe Hansen his gorgeous daughter looked younger then ever, and her boytoy chicano husband Sean Carrillo was working latin dapperness. Got to hang outside the gallery with one of my ex-Cholita's Tallulah Banketa, who has the cutest child with devlish grey eyes. Yes one of my Cholita girls did get The PREGGERS!!!!

PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH
Swarthmore College is lovely. Ashton House which I've renamed Ashy House is a campus guest residence for visiting dignitaries. I have a cozy room in the large stone manor, with lots of windows and a wraparound balcony. The place has the feel of a mortuary, and i wind up turning into a corpse after my first night---not able to sleep because its too damn quiet and peaceful. I'm an urban lady and i need lots of gunshots and buzzing helicopters overhead to get a proper rest.
The students are friendly and eager to open their young minds to all sorts of possibilities. This is very refreshing as most college students these days are completely blank----they only go to school because its a necessity to have a decent paying job. I adore the Swatty's. They are truelly uncommon women & others, to quote ms. Wendy Wasserstein. As i trolled the campus i noticed lots of humpy bucks in short shorts and flip flips in the cold 39 degree weather. yummy eye candy abounding.
Sublime dinner with the Sager Symposium planning committee that included students and main senior organizer Harris Kornstein who is so dear at 22 years of age with peaches n cream complexion and a liza with a Z personality. i guess i'm still relevant to young people, even though i'm a grandmother. i was personally picked by the students as a visiting artist and there was no faculty or administrative elements involved. The generous funding came mainly from Mr. Sager who i gather is a wealthy gay man of considerable WASP family means. Good for him.
I had a wonderful conversation with Siobhan Brooks, an imposing black sistah girlfriend and tyro academe, as well as the engagingly personable writer Laura Kipnis, who gave me a copy of her hit book Against Love. I can't wait to read it on the plane to Austria.
My presentation went very well and was packed to the rafters. My lecture performance took place at Upper Tarble a massive and beautiful hall that looks like a gothica cathedral. Afterwards i partied till 4am with the children and drank mountain liquor from the still of these hot juicy straight boys all packing large swinging packages in their pants. I always go cockoo for youthful caucasion cock. The kids also showered me and Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts with presents that included collage art, sculpture, kolonopin, xanax and valium for my continuing air travels. Thank you all my beauties, i love you forever. remember your bung holes never stink.
The train ride to man!hattan was pretty and my companion Ms. Kipnis was utterly delighful. I'm so glad i got to spend quality time with her. In New York legendary writers Bruce Benderson and Glenn Belverio treated me to a fancy dinner at the east village french bistro Leon on 12th Street. The food was incredible and lots of booty pies at the bar. Then they took me drinking at what use to be the Wonder Bar, but is now dolled up in Soviet drag with awful dj music and a shirtless big titty male bar maid who was really obvious. Later in the week I'll get to meet Bruce Benderson's new french boyfriend Cyrille Thouvenin who is a Cesar award winning young actor, who is beyond major ms. gorgeous.
The next morn Dr. Jose Munoz of NYU took me for a high french champagne bruncheon. Professor Jose and i were able to catch-up latino girlfriend style----she really takes care of la princessa. I'm very needy and i demand lots of pampering from all my gifted and talented superstar pals.

PASSA BLANC
Because of popular demand i'm posting some of the raw materials of my illustrious interviews from the prestigious international fashion and arts quarterly Zoo
Magazine. Zoo is published in the Netherlands and is in English and German with editorial offices in Paris. The English language editor is the famed Rebecca Voight who also edited Dutch Magazine, that I also use to write for. I begin this series with my interview with Joel Gibb of the acclaimed Toronto band, The Hidden Cameras. Enjoy.

Ms. Davis: Hey Darling, here are some comments for you to entertain. feel free to run with it in any direction thats suits your comely nature Here we go----Meeting you was one of my all time thrills. Its something about you Canucks i find thrilling, most of my best friends are Canadians and there seems to be something about the North that produces talented individuals with an unflinching zest for life that is so different from their puritan bretheran in the US of A. Is this something you've noticed as well? You Canadians are definately crazy, but its in a creative, fertile way. All my favorite film directors like Bruce "Judy" LaBruce, Robert Altman, David Cronenberg, Etom Whatever his name that directed The Sweet Hereafter and artists like you, Rufus Wainwright and Peaches who now lives in Berlin. Is there something in your distilled water?

Joel Gibb: I do agree that for such a small population there are a lot of creative Canadians, you didn't even mention all the million-selling female singers and virtually ALL the famous north american comedians as well, i think it's that we are outsiders a bit culturally so we work harder then what is expected.

VD: I think i feel a connection with you because we're both outsiders. Both > loners to a certain extent. On the surface we seem extroverted, but when you peel the layers back we're both introverts and quite solitary. I see that you're very observant of your surroundings, always making mental notes, or perhaps you take physical notes for ideas in your songs and art work. You're definately a consumate artist on every level. What is your art manifest? Do you have a Mr. Gibb S.C.U.M. Manifesto?

JG: I agree with your analysis, I am ususaly very extroverted but can also be very quiet and observant. I don'' think i have a manifesto though, i mean I'm
sure i do, but i never put it into words or anything.I try not to put any imitations on what i can do either lyrically or even the medium in which I make
art. I try to make up my own rules for my art. But my rules are random and based on instinct you know?

VD: Not to get personal, but what is your background? Are you mulatto?, the product of former runaway slaves into Canada that just decided to pass for white because they were so high yellow. There is something that is soooo Negro about you. What do your parents do for a living?

JG: My dad is an accountant and my mom is a social worker,no i am not black at all I am almost 100% Scottish.But from like 150 years ago.

VD: Do you have sibblings? An older sister and a younger brother Have you
impregnated anyone lately.
JG: No but i was asked once and regret not doing it.
VD: I'm sure there are lots of ladies who would like to have your child. Even though i find you incredibly handsome. You're not an easy sell to most people.
Your looks are quirky, and those John Wayne Gacy eyes! Of course if you were a typical goodlooking man, you wouldn't have the scope and depth that you possess. You'd be happy to be anywhere. You're not that simple. Your're complicated. You remind of the 20th Century Fox contract player from the 40s John Payne. A little bit of him and the paramount pictures silent film star Richard Arlen, known for not wearing the awful pancake makeup of the day and going for a more natural look.
I take it that you came from this suburban background. I'm an urban gal, so i have a hard time understanding what its like in suburbia and then add to that suburbia in Canada. What do you care to relay about your childhood practices and yucky secrets. Are there abuse issues? Just kidding,unless there were, then give me the T!
JG:Never was abused at all in any way, In university though i kind of wanted something inapropriate to happen but no, nothing!!!!
VD:You must have been self possessed at an early age. Sure of your place in the world with a early visionary path laid before you. Of course having friends and playing hockey wasn't part of your tract. You knew you didn't fit in and you were right with that i'm sure.
JG: I knew i was different but as far as forseeing my future no. I really liked music that is all i knew.
VD: Are you doomed to be alone forever? At best you'll only have little tiny love affairs ----catch as catch can. No one will be able to handle your genius, and they will be a hinderance anyway. That fate use to bother me when i was younger, but now that I'm ancient, I've accepted it as my destiny. Something tells me that if you are still living with your parents in your 30s ,40s, 50s you won't mind that, its something you can easily accept as part of the overall package.

JG: Ok now i think this is you trying to project yourself on me. Or maybe I am denying my unavoidable fate? I am a very romantic guy and am very capable of being with one guy for a long time. Now the fact that i have been single for 2 years says another thing. I like to say that I am waiting for Mr Right and you can't produce
him when you want. He will just fall on your lap when you least expect it, and since i'm expecting this all the time it kind of foils my plans. It's also fun
being single and meeting guys all the time and fantacizing about a new guy every day.
VD: I find that part of the sacrifice of being a great artist is that you'll live life in an unconventional manner outside of the norms of regular society and its dictates. You're probably a little bit of a sex freak as well. I could see you being a jelly queen, or a jowls queen.
JG: what is a jelly queen! sounds fun. a jowls queen sounds fun too.
VD: getting into that kind of transgressive sexuality. Being with cute boys is phun, but can be a bit tedious and you are also so way beyond sex. Your religious background obviously plays a crucial role in your art. Your music is spiritual, your songs are anglo negro spirituals. You're really a modern day Paul Robeson-----so very Deep River. Of course get ready for the persecution that Paul Robeson received. Thats headed your way as well. I think you've girded your loins in preperation for all that will undoubtedly be unleased upon you once the fervor of your talents are upwinded into the mainstream consciousness. Your successes have been slow and steady, which i think is best. You won't burn out so quickly and won't suffer the backlash of the evil corporate media structure, that loves to make and break artists just for amusement. You're such a prestige artist. If this was the late 70s or early 80s you'd be signed to a major label like a Joan Armatrading and you'd be their prestige project that gives the label clout and shows that they aren't about just selling millions of records. I believe that you could also sell millions of records, and by not changing a thing in what you do. The music buying public is growing weary of the mediocre and i think you'll stand out and those heady millions will flock to you.
JG:I hink the public is getting dumber and dumber actuallly, just take a look at the degredation of punkrock, look at what teens are consuming right now it is
like a copy of a copy of a copy of something rebellious. IT sucks. is there even an underground? I don't think so
(to be continued)

11 HARROW HOUSE
McDonna has her big white Nina Blanchard panties all in a bunch over my relationship with Stuart Price who has helped the immaterial girl with her well orchestrated pop comebackula. My daliance with Mr. Price is really nothing for her to get Cameron Manheim steamrolled over. The lanky Mr. P just wants to work with my Berlin based post politikal/proto Marxist art band Ruth Fischer. I already let him know that I was working with producer Mickey One Haves of the Super 700, and that Stuart's production services were not needed. We can still be occasional pluck buddies though, as he has a nice cruel club caucasion cock. But Lady Ray of Unnatural Light also has dibs on his very hefty member, so she is on the war path with me both creatively and coitally. I’m sorry but Mrs. Ritchie needs to go back to her super well endowed husband, before he permanently retreats with that girl from the band Elastica. Am i gossiping? No i don't believe in gossip.
I hate people who are never satisfied with what they have. She wanted kids, and a big dick posh English husband (who pretends he's working class) and she has them, now appreciate it.
Remember people, No one wants to see a movie with Madonna in it.

THE CRENSHAW ROSE
Having another romantic dinner with Marc Rothemund, the sexy director of the Oscar nominated German film Sophie Scholl-The Final Days. Met smolderingly hot Marc through one of his films stars Fabian Hinrichs who plays Hans Scholl in the movie. Fabian is sweet, and has a large penis, but he's a little too young for me, while Marc is 37 which makes him perfect. Lets see how far this relationship progresses. Wish me pluck.

WAY DOWN NIARCHOS
Was propositioned by the young shipping heir Stavros Niarchos. Cute kid, but i'm not exactly in to him no matter how large his heavy genitals are. But this other radiant youth Talan Torriero, who is being very aggressive in his attempts to woo the doll---- i could see myself chug-a-lugging on his hefty package. But at the moment i remain a very good girlie. Had dinner with Mr. Torriero and had him take me to see the film Tristram Shandy. I'm sure that alone has scared him away, which is fine with me. I'd rather be with the Hasidic reggae singer Matisyahu. What is it with orthodox jews and drag queens---I'm always attracting them. What do they see in me. Also, i hate reggae.
Flemming Rose the Danish journalist who is involved in the latest international conflict interviewed me years ago in connection with being a black artist who went through the LA Riots of '92. Thought he was extremely handsome, and we had a bit of a tryst at the Hollywood Rosevelt Hotel. He recently contacted me and is living in exile at a hotel in Man!hattan. Told him i'd soon be in New York, and we will rendevous. More on that later.

WONDER BRUXE
Introduced the amazing Bruce Benderson at his reading at Difficult Light Bookstore on Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood. I was surprised that the place still had readings, as it looks like its just a gay gift shop and not a book store at all. Before the reading Bruxe, hot photog Dino Dinco and I had drinks and oogled hustlers at The Spotlight Pub. Met the wonderful Alison Pearlman who is a professor of art at Polytechnic University in Pomona. Alison comes from a famed east coast academic family. Bruxe’s excerpt from his new book The Romanian, was flawless. He is an excellent reader, and held the audience spellbound. Bruxe is the first American writer to win the distinguished French Literary prize The Prix de Flore. ]
Why is tired David Sedaris so famous? Bruxe has triple the talent. O I know why David is so successful. He’s risen to the highest levels of mediocrity and thats always rewarded in the US of A.
After the reading Bruce, Dino and I were joined by Jason El Norte for dinner at Numbers. The hustler pickings were pretty slim at this upscale courtesan bistro, but we had a joyous evening creating our own merriment.

CYNOSURE
Vaginal Davis is in urgent need of a generous art patron. Yes! that could be you.
I'd like an honorarium or stipend of only $9000 a year, so that i continue in my celebrated art practice. The ideal candidate would be a new technologies dork who would like to add some credibility to his plate and establish a brand in the philantropic world. All interested parties should contact Vaginal Davis' assistant Gleeson Brevard at GleeBrevard@aol.com for an audience with the divine Ms. D.
ROTAGRAVURE
Was away at a writers retreat in the Santa Sarita Hills, came back in time to go to the soiree given by legend's legend Tommy Gear of The Screamers at his gorgeous Koreatown(Serrano & San Marino) townhouse. The gathering was in honor of Thomas Allen Harris whose new film was being screened at the Pan African Film Festival.
Had a nice conversation with Tommy's new roommate who has lived for 17 years in India, and met a woman who just turned 103 years of age. She was quite alert and miraculously unwrinkled. Black don't crack. Lots of other sweet and charming people. Tommy always puts on the best shindigs.

MAMA DIASPORA
Hung out with the brilliantine Brian Grillo, one of LA's great beauties and talents. I go back over 20 odd years with Brian, and he is a Los Ang treasure. We cruised the Hollywood/Ivar Farmers Market checking out and commenting on the boyganza and cute young fathers that crowd the place. Ran into famous novelist Lisa Teasley and her posse that included daugher Imogene and hunky boyfriend Daniel. Lisa's sizzling new book is called Heat Signature--great title! and I'm sure Oprah is going to choose it for her Book Club.
After getting some sugar from Lisa & Co, Brian and i ate some yummy tamales and had more then a couple of drinks at the Spotlight Pub, the last of the original John Rechy style hustler bars on the Cahuenga/Selma corridor. You know I'm a major alcoholica if i'm drinking at 2:30pm, but i don't care. It was a hoot seeing the hustlers afternoon shenanigans. One little fugly but muscular feller was getting shrimped by some sad sack older Latino man who looked like Tony Orlando. Maybe it was Tony Orlando, Actor Keifer Sutherland has been spending time at the Spotlight, so anything is possible there.
***
Had lunch with Dino Dinco, the juicy photographer who sports a very pronounced taste for latino men. Yes Dino is Cookoo for coco cocks. We had lunch at this adorable cafe across from MacArthur Park and ran into Lisa Teasley's cute sister Erika who is a successful lawyer. Lisa and her sister come from a very prominent LA black politico family. Their parents are pals with all the leading civil rights figures and hobnob with Washington elite. Erika has the most adorable young son. I'm so out of it, that I didn't even know she was married.
Dino and I then went to the Wiltern Theatre to interview Eugene Hutz of the New York based Gypsy Punk concern Gogol Bordello. Eugene is also the star, or rather scene stealer of the film Everything is Illuminated. He is major Ms. Gorgeous. I wanted to be his sperm receptacle, which made it a little difficult to focus as i was interviewing him. He is so lean with not one ounce of fat on that smoldering wwhite Ukraine body of his. Thinly muscular boys like Eugene are always packing cruel club cocks. Its refreshing interviewing someone who is so comfortable in their pigskin, and has become a success without turning into a complete careerist boar.
Later that evening i returned to see the show and i was left in a state of extreme ecstasis, especially when Eugene took off his shirt. He was on a strange bill that featured the icky band Cake, Sara & Tegan, who i guess are the new Indigo Girls, and some comedian i could have done without. Thank god Gogol went on second. The minute they finished i ran out of the sterile Wiltern Theatre. Not one of my favorite venues. Expensive drinks and ugly staff. I remember when the Wiltern was a second run movie house that was almost demolished in the 1970s. I'm glad it still exists, but i wish the place was run better.

THINK LOCALLY, FUCK GLOBALLY
I always enjoy my correspondences from around the world. The snail mail and email. The very best emugs always come from that legends legend Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. Must share with you his most recent casual writing genius.

vaginal vaginal vaginal. yes i?m back in stupid toronto. i?ve been back for a week now, but i?m sort of out of sorts. i can?t seem to get anything accomplished. it always takes me so long to decompress and get back into my normal life after an extended trip abroad. you know what i?m sayin? i have been going to the gym every day, which is good, because i was starting to turn into the life and death of colonel blimp. tony my boyfriend is still staying with me. he?s waiting to get into a govt. subsidized apartment. i have so much work to do but by the time i get up, eat, read my periodicals on the internet, bathe, go to the gym, come home, answer emails, watch television, and spend time with the bf, there?s no time left to do anything else and i?m too tired anyway. so what?s the point? of living? i have to write this article for black book about my lawsuit, and i have to talk to some friends of tony about che guevera, so i better get to it. i?m going down to new york for benderson?s party next thursday ? don?t tell him, i want to upstage ? er, i mean surprise ? him. maybe i?ll show up as jt leroy. the rest of my trip to berlin was productive. i had a bunch of events. the best one was with gottfried ensslin, the gay brother of gudrun. he recently published the letters that his sister wrote to him while she was in stammheim prison. he contacted jurgen and susanne and arranged an event where susanne read from the letters, followed by a screening of rasp reich and a discussion with me. all very german. gottfried had mixed feelings about the movie when he first saw it, but now he loves it and says there are a lot of parallels with the letters. he's really funny. the letters in the seventies inspired him to break into and vandalize the berlin stock exchange while on LSD! he was caught, but for some reason they went easy on him. the gay community criticized him - for acting alone! he's still quite an interesting kind of activist. he supports bisexuality. don?t we all. ok i got to go eat the dinner that tony has prepared while watching american idol. susanne and i also met with mathias lilienthal of the Hebbel Theatre several times and it looks like the play, i wrote "They Saved Ulrike's Brain" may happen, so brush up on your angela davis. xxx blab

dear: yes the human sexual drive is a relentless hooker above all things. but don’t be too robert downey jr. on yourself for succumbing to the urge to gawk at youthful beauty. they should be thankful that anyone is looking at them at all in the flower of their youth of today because after all tomorrow’s parties no one is going to pay them any mind at all and they will wish they had bathed in their glory while they had the chance. it’s so romantic that you went to see a melvyn douglas movie in spite of, or perhaps because of, your desperality. i love melvyn douglas. he was such a rake’s progress. today is saturday. all day. my bf tony is in hamilton for the weekend, do-doing that voodooing that he do so well. apparently there’s a turtle on the block this weekend. don’t worry about being singular. being in a relationship isn’t that great shakes either. the worst part about it is that it takes up so much of your time! i mean, i’m exasperated by the fact that tony has been living with me for the last two months because he got kicked out of his last apartment and he’s looking for a new one. but i do find it difficult to sustain a relationship, to be engaged all the time, to balance the personal and the professional. play and work. anyway, hammas might be a good alternative for us. let’s go to palestine and live out the rest of our lives as mujahadeen. ok i gotta go get a tattoo. chins up. x blab

UNDERDOG WORLD STRIKE
Back in tired Los Angeles---yuk. After the amazing successes in Berlin, it feels very stale here. Looking forward to interviewing that Ukraine stud Eugene Hutz of the Romany band Gogol Bordello for Zoo Magazine. The publicist just got back to me and I'll be interviewing them on Tuesday Jan 31st for their show at the Wiltern Theatre where they are opening up for that asphalt dullard white boy band Cake. Gorgeous Dino Dinco will be taking the photos.
Just received a sweet emug from my Berlin husband Timothy Blue:

A note to say first off that I love you! Secondly, I am two pages of poor
handwriting into an actual letter to you (I am "slow") It is like 20 below
here, but sooo lovely. I walked across the water like Jesus at the sex
park. Unlike jesus, people were ice skating around me. It is a Stalinist
wind around us, as the weather front emanates from the former USSR. Seems
the Red ghosts want to freeze out the Brownshirts.

I want you here.

Teem

Tim is so insightful, and did i forget to mention he is a genius with the music and video images he creates for the Cheap Kollective. I'm so happy i got to spend a lot of quality time with him, and of course i loved hearing all his stories about the old punk rock days in Portland Oregon, with Kitty Diggens, Courtney Love and Gus Van Sant. It seems that everyone use to score drugs at Gus' place from a portly sexual predator, who of course gave free narcotics to the hot punque boys who traded their sexual favours.
***
and people think I'm bizarre. Was at the Bev Hills library researching some NY Times articles and saw a gigantic homeless black man, taller then me with a beard and stache wearing a red Vidal Sassoon bob wig and a crazed deconstructed camouflage patchwork dress complete with an elaborate fishtail train. Talk about schitzo haute couture. His look worked in an odd and compeling way, and I'm happy to report he was wearing proper foundation garments.
Billy Miller of STH/Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts told me in November that there is this homeless man who rules Greenwich Village in some of the most insanely creative outfits imaginable.

CLASSE TOUS RISQUES
Never forget that Vaginal Davis is always testing you to see just what kind of animal you really are. Ms. Davis is one woman you can't fool---she's a druid wiccan sorceress with mighty powers. To be Vaginal Davis' friend you must dedicate your life to her. If not, you are her bitter enemy and will be eradicated, destroyed in a current of Madame Mao wrath. You' ve been officially served and warned.
Gordon Raphael, who produces the Strokes, also produces the German band super 700, that features my Ruth Fischer drummer Ebedette and her twin sisters. Just found out that Mr. Raphael was also at the amazing Cheap Silvester party i hosted.
I've been invited along with Cheap kollective to do an installation at this big arts festival in Graz, Austria in the fall. I've never been to Austria, so i'm definately looking forward to experiencing a different taste sensation of Germanic penile flavour.

DIE GIBT ES IN BERLIN WIE SAND AM MEER. . .
I live the most unusual life, received a formal invitation to dine with a Prince. My horoscope did say i was going to attract some unusual men into my life, but I certainly wasn't expecting this. Austria's Prince Max Shaunberg-Lipp saw me perform at the Cheap Silvester Party and now wants to have a private audience with the doll.

WEISSE SIND NIE WEISS GENUG, HONEY!
Vaginal Davis and the Berlin kollektive Cheap have done it again. The Silvester/New Years Eve Bachanal and Art Party was a huge roaring 4-penil pronged beasty of a success. There is a lot of competition for Silvester, which is what the Germans call New Year’s Eve. I guess the name Silvester comes from St. Silvester, not the "You Make Me Feel" disco singer. All I know is that it was fantastic spending the entire holiday season away from the USA.
My new rock music art band Ruth Fischer delighted the throngs. Some executives from Universal Music/Deutchland have expressed interest in releasing our first album, "Sexual Ethics and Communism" Our producer Mickey One is young and very cute with humongous talents and a very big brain. His girlfriend is our gorgeous Albanian drummer Ibedette, who never played drums before this gig. Ebedette is the lead singer in Mickey’s other music project The Super 700’s who are signed to a big European label. Everyone in the band learned to play their instrument while working on the project, including Ms. Davis herself, who besides lead singer chores played bass guitar on the song "Are You Now or Have You Ever Been"
In response to the myriad of emails asking me for the lyrics to our new songs, you will find them below:

Was Ist Party?

I like a party I go to party and I will party 2nite
I like a party a party party and will party 2nite all night
tis more to life then party
what is party?
Why is party?
And if I cry at party?
Was ist party?
warum ist party?

Kill To Let Die

I kill you
you die, you don’t die fast enough
I shoot you in the head
the blood goes everywhere
I shoot you in the head
the blood goes in my eye
stinging and blinding me

Angie Eats Condi

Got to get 2gether
staytogether, good, bad, whatever
ja, ja, ja

battles of the past rest
battles fought right out
translantic partnership
greed, mistrust and doubt

angie loves condi
so like maggie
she’s so ugly
hot like brandy
angie eats condi
not on Monday
angie loves candy
so like maggie

you and me darling dinge and snow
salty pepper, now u know
wicked witch of the east
black burdensome beast
11 percent unemployment
trimming costly fat

Anarchy of the Imagination

gdr, plo
sos, no means no
nbc, trl
phd, you and me

anarchy of the imagination
o despair o desp
the painful search
albeit obliteration
for something in motion and courage
to recognize utopia and to open yourself up to
however poor it may be of these things I tell in song

the book of Ruth to tell the truth
the power of three will set us free

Bruce "Judy" LaBruce did one of his infamous live aktionist shoots, this time the theme was Baby New Year and he proceeded along with the help of an actual midwife who powdered and diapered a series of young men and women while Bruce and the crowd documented. Later I found out that some of the German intelligentcia were quite shocked by this tame representation of infantilism. It may seem like Germans are wild, but deep down they are very conservative, which I’m constantly forgetting.
My daughter, Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer with her new troupe of boys and girls really gave the audience some sexy tight visuals to nurse on. Michele has the potential to conquer Europa.
Speaking of visuals, avante garde filmmaker Wilheim Hein’s wonderful film projections were the decor of the party, and it was great having him and girlfriend/photographer Annette Frick cheering me on during my opening DJ slot. Lots of people asked me what music I was playing. Well my play list included: Gogol Bordello, King Britt doing Sister Gertrude Morgan, The Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, Shampoo, Jonathan FireEater, Lee Bowry’s Minty, Belle & Sebastian, The Hidden Cameras, Sandy Shaw, Strawberry Switchblade, Pig Bag, Rip Rig & Panic, The Fun Boy Three, Purse and early Destiny’s Child, and Mary J. Blige.
Designing outfits for me and the entire Ruth Fischer band was the supremely talented young Belgian couturier Koen Claerhoot and doing our makeup and hair, the genius of Andres Bernhardt, who was once Thierry Mugler’s main face painter and hair hopper. Also performing was legendary chanteuse Xaxie de Paris and DJ’s Nancy from the Cheap kolective and The b. books anarchist bookshop and filmworks galaxy of DJ stars who kept the party going until 9am the next morning. One aspect of the party that really enchanted the guests was our Sexual Repulsive Lounge and Heavy Petting Area with appropriate porno images from the 70s. Someone complained that we were spreading Mrs. AIDS by showing the condomless blue straight and gay calistenics from the pre video era. And our phunky nail salon managed by the great Italian art star Allessio, the beautiful Evie and hung hearthrob and beauty boy Konstantin aka Achmed was one of the evenings major musts. By 4am everyone seemed to be sporting long nails, with appliques and jewels dangling.
My usual Europa assistant Andreas Novarin who lives in London, couldn’t help me on this trip because his Italian passport expired and the Embassy couldn’t or wouldn’t renew it in time, so Israeli joy boy Assaf Hoffman stepped in and was a delight. He also was acting as my personal papparrazo.
The hot celebs attending the party included Franka Potenta, who goes to the opening of a bag of chips, Daniel Bruel and Diane Kruger, producer Jurgen Bruning, lovely French film ingenue Louis Garrel whose posse got into a fight with Joel Gibb of Canada’s Hidden Cameras and his Norweigan opera prodigy beau Steffan. Sexy New Yorker Nathan Fuhr, the young ex-lover of Hannah Hurtzig was checking out our scene in true John Knowles Nosferato collector mode. The biggest celeb in attendance was the divine Verushka, who has moved back to Berlin after years as a Brooklyn recluse.

A few days after New Years I was invited to lecture at the Institut Dienstag/Free University. Since it was so soon after the holidays I didn’t expect many students to show up. Neither did professor Marcu Siegel whose seminar Queer Theory und Film was the banner my presentation was under. Surprise, Surprise, but there were almost 100 people jammed into a very small lecture theatre. I was a little excrement for brains, being that it was 10am, but things seemed to go exceedingly well, and afterwards I was taken to brunch at a fancy trattatoria and some of the students even tagged along. One surprise at my lecture was this German man who knew my Club Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez from 20 years ago, and showed me pictures to prove it. Yowza! Once you have my lil papa Frank in your system you can never remove him.

A few days later celebrated Judy Labruce's birthday at a delicious dinner party given by Jurgen Bruning and his sweet roommate Gamma. Jurgen wants me to direct porno for his new company Wurst Films. I even came up with an idea for a flicker called Berlin Boydello.

Later the next week Wilheim Hein and Annette Frick hosted a little dinner soiree in my honor with a nice mixture of international young film people. I really enjoyed chatting with these two good looking Greek movie boys. Those Greeks are responsible for homosexuality as we know it today, so they have a lot to answer for.

LE BONHEUR
rehearsal with the ruth fischer band has been extroidinary. drummer ebadette is a gorgeous, vivacious albanian supermodel, and her darling beau michael is our musical arranger and producer of our first album, sexual ethics and communism.
susanne has become an expert bass player and tim blue a guitar godhead. marcu play xylaphone and daniela turntable, accordian and violin. lyrics to our hot new songs, was ist party, angie eats condi and kill and let die will be posted asap so stay tune.
having internet romance with cnn middle east correspondent anish ramen, who is a youthful beauty, and a big fan of queer punk rock and this very blog you are reading. cant wait to meet mr. ramen in the fleshly flesh for hot smelting.
journalista gossip: cnn palestinian reporter and cnn london news anchor max foster are longtime companionals of butted bliss. wow how is that for a scoop
successful dinner party at the cheap office cooked by yours and tim blue with celebrity guests Annette and Wilhelm Heim, the sexy avant garde film and photography couple. Assaf hoffman the hunky israeli dancer with catherine sullivan was a delightful addition to the group. lots of nig nog consumed with carmelized carrots the gastronomic hit.
went to white trash club to see my daughter michelle carr perform her dance of the black widow spider. michelle tore up the snotty sour german crowd out of its full blooom. my posse included artist davide grassi and humpy dork marco from slovenia making a conceptual art film, assaf as my escort, tim blue, tim ferris of celebrity skin fame, a cast of italians, australians, cheks and a pollack. quite the cosmopolitan group
christmas eve brunch with daniela ramona featuring his lover piero and friend daniela maria, the spanish show dancer who is touring germany in the dull musical cats.
met with famed iraqi liberationist hannah and got the full scoop on fighting imperialism with the belgian tribunal. lady christmas dinner at suzi´s with nana of the berlin film festival, stephanie of the arsenal and hannah hurtzig, the german lois keidan
love the snow covering berlina
tis magic and the view from my boutique hotel johann is granada

ÜBERALL IST SCHÖNHEIT
Leave it to good ole "Flake" Gyllenhaul my new name for the Bareback, i mean Brokeback Mountain ingenue, who is also here in Berlina. Flake is very unreliable. We were supposed to have drinks together, but the pisser didnt call me at the appointed time, so your favorite diva is writing him off for good. I met the star a few months back at a special private screening of his movie that director Ang Lee arranged for cultural taste makers and social critics. Smart move on his part to work that very necessary word of mouth buzz. The film is brilliant, especially the musical score, and the performance of Aussie Heath Ledger. No praises for Flake, until he learns to give black drag queens more of his manly attentions in a timely fashion. Honey, I am one of the most powerful women in the world, and can make or break careers. I can use my sword both ways as Joan Crawford was fond of saying.

My Berlin husband Tim Blue of kollective Cheap has been taking care of all my lady needs of late. Tim cooks me delicious gourmet dinners, and whisks me to all the strumpet bars for eye candied gazing. I love you Timothy. I also love and worship Susanne Sachsee who i wrote about in the latest Zoo Magazine, which is now out on the stands and looks amazing with plastic surgery victimima Mickey Rourke on the cover. Buy it now.
Susanne is also a righteous cook and made a heavenly din din and bruncheon where i was able to meet my new band members for the Ruth Fischer project. These kids are so young and cute. I really adore hot hunky Steffan. He has rosy cheeks and peaches n cream complexion and a mighty, juicy round asstrovar. Yum. I bet his bussy(boy twat)
tastes fresh and scrumpteous.
Hung out with the lovely Joel Gibb of Canada´s Hidden Cameras. Joel is madly in love with a young opera prodigy from Norway. He and his new lover will be in Espana for a few days before returning to Berlin, where Joel has relocated permanently.
Its been snowing almost every day since arriving and me thinks this is the best place to spend the Kwanzalic holidays.

SUCK SEX IN THE CITY
I know some of the most amazing people. Here are two yummy pieces of correspondence from the famous international auteur Bruce "Judy" La Bruce, and the lovely and talented Miss Mary, Mary Pagone who is the guardian of the gate at Jean Spinosa’s new clubnite Wigout.

hi glamourpuss: glenn told me you are in new york painting the town amber valetta. i imagine you as missy elliot as king kong, tearing up the place. (do you believe miss peter jackson? she’s lost a tonne!) guess twat? i’m going to be in berlin for jew years. so i guess we’ll be having fun on jew years eve. joel is moving to berlin indefinitely in a few weeks, so he’ll be there too. should be a good mash up. i’ll be in berlin for two weeks starting dec 29th. also, my birthday is on january 3rd, in case anyone wants to throw me a party, hint hint. i’ll be 39.

i just got back from madrid and hong kong and madrid on sunday. what a trip! madrid has the hottest hustler bar in the world i’ve yet encountered. it’s called black and white, and it is eve plumb full to bursting with the hottest brazilian hos you can imagaine. they all look like hot latin cover boys. most of them have enormous arms and small wastes, like popeye, and calves like wooden wedges and they’re really handsome. some of them are from northern brazilia, so they’re virtually jubas. unfortunately none of them speaks english, but that didn’t slow me down much. actually the one i had a hot night with without having to pay him was this 26 year old portuguese guy who i didn’t know if he was truly hustler white or not. he spoke six languages and was way more sophisticated than the brazilians, so i didn’t know. he was my impromptu translator. turns out he’s more like an escort, like the paid companion type. we had a hot night of discos, bruce bailey quality coke, and nude tongue wrestling. i was in this crazy boutique hotel and my room theme was opium den, so we took our cue from that. very anne baxter in the razor’s edge. unfortunately he evaporated in the morning. hong kong was blow-minding. it’s so dense and glamorous. no suzy wong sex, but i had a blast. i went out with glenn’s friend frances, who has the hottest boyfriend ever, a korean handsome boy model named Song, if you will. i had a huge crush on him, especially after he took his shirt off in the underground club Darling Harbour. i have a new appreciation for the Asiatic strains. i have a hot case of bird flu. frances invited me to a party at the apartment of the guy who designs the lighting for all of hong kong. i told him he should check out palm springs if he wants to see good lighting. after ten days in hong kong, it was back to madrid for keifer sutherland (24). i finally broke down and allowed myself to be superhustled by the hottest brazilian at the bar, who could manage a little spanglish. worth every euro, i must say. one problem though. they all seem to have small feet. they’re a little top heavy. back to the grind in toronto. a got a little wee art grant, which puts a bandage on my hemhoraging debt. must grift harder. when are you going to berlin? x blab
***
Dearest Ms. Davis ~

Just wanted to tell you how utterly delightful the little things in life are to me. Like coming home on a cold (for Lost Angeles) evening to find a real honest to goodness postcard from NYC in my mailbox. Recognizing the little spidery handwriting and knowing my Ms. Davis is having a splendid time in the Big Apple (of Her Eye.)

So good to know that you are the toast of the town and having a ball. I sure do miss you, tho, and upon your arrival back to this fair city (well, I know you are OVAH Los Angeles, but I still see the glitter here and there), we really need to have a good old fashioned girly catch-up over dinner.

Miss you so much and wish you were here to laugh and carry on. Take good care of yourself and enjoy your travels.
Thanks again for the postcard!
xx0xx -
Miss Mary Mary

DER SEERAUBER
Autumn in New York gives me an existential charge. There is nothing like being in "The City" careening around the infinity sign of an Escherian beltway cloverleaf. I’m the guest of Performa 05, the first biennial of New Visual Art Performance, and brainchild of the mysterious Diane Von Furstenbergish RoseLee Goldberg.

Performa takes place throughout the isle at various galleries, spaces, and museos. The standouts being new work from Genesis P-Orridge, and Lady Jane, Coum Transmissions, Yoko Ono, Jesper Just, Michelle Handelman, Marina Abramovic, Christian Marclay, Gelatin, My Barbarian, Charles Atlas, Julie Tolentino, Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper presented by Eileen Myles, and yours so very truly.

Dreamy staying at the stately, infamous Chelsea Hotel, in a large room with marble floors and a fire place. So comfy and luxurious. Moved to a beautiful cacoon like lower east side flat of handsome matinee idol Tom Cole, which is closer to the Participant Inc. Gallery. Participant is run by hot teenage art czarina Lia Gang, the brightest, most formidable gallery director in the world, and et ella paisana who really knows how to take care of high maintenance divas like myself.

So many parties, receptions and events, so little time clock of the heart. Juicy Nancy Barton, sexy doctora Jose Munoz, and my favorite art child Jonathan Berger hosted a sumpteous gathering for me at the Art Department offices in the NYU Barney Building. NYU is bringing me back to New York in April/May where I’ll put on a Bricktops New York at Siberia and do workshops with the students. A hot gaggle of NYU students were my living sculptures in the Vanessa Beecroft piece that I presented. I just love me my NYU beauties. Thank you from the bottom of my black Beecroft heart.

Global editrix Glenn Belverio took me to a fancy dinner at this Francaise restaurant in the East Village. I ate lobster for the very first time---And I want more.

So glorious being able to hang out with Julie Tolentino, Killer, Conrad Ventur, John Sanchez, Patty Powers, Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy, Steve LaFreniere, Marina Rosenfeld and husband Roz, darling Billy Miller of Straight to Hell, who is my east coast guru, Genesis P-Orridge and her lovely d-cup breastage, Kembra of VHKB, Miss Astrid, Coco Fusco, Catherine Gund Saalfield, Bibbe Hansen & Sean Carrillo who are now living in Harlem. O and lest I forget Ms. Mia Farrow with Rosemary’s 13 brittle babies.

Special thank you’s to Earl Dax for my resplendid Maritime after party, Dr. Munoz and his Martha Stewart delish Village Vangaurd bruncheon and pretty birthday gal, Linda "Les" Simpson for writing a hot article on little me in Time Out New York.

A*GAY*NST THE GRAIN
Living in rush limbo. I don't have an apartment in Los Angeles anymore. Whenever I'm in the tired city of Los Ang, which isn't often these days i housesit. If you have comfy digs with no plants, or pets that need to be taken care of, send me an emug if you need a celebrity babycrib sitter.
I'm so minimalist these days, and i'm enjoying not being encumbered.
Very successful series of gallery shows in Manitoba country and British Columbia. Canadians understand the me of myselfed I. All my best girlfriends are Canucks . . . Glen Meadmore, Judy Labruce, Patty Powers, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras.
Unexpected tryst with ingenue Dax Shephard. I hate actors, but this toothy, wicked boy won me over with his asphalt milky mouth charm and swinging bick dique arrogance. As usual, i suspect nothing good will come of the encounter, but it was a pleasant enough diversion.
Mr. Shephard stars in an upcoming feature film called Zathura. I forgot to ask him what other movies he's made. i can't wait to see him on the silver nitrate screen. He sez that we did some heavy petting in the boydello lounge at Bricktops, but i honestly don't remember. He also said that he an Andrew Gould kissed in the DJ booth one evening at Bricky's when i was away performing in Europa.

ONKLE TOM'S HUTTE
Here are a few emails sent to me from my colorful pals Andrea Novarin who lives in London but is originally from Milan, and burlesque czarina Kitty Diggens who just came back to LA from Berlin.
***
Erm, it is not that adventurous... Graceland is a cafe' in the next block
from where I live now. They have free wireless broadband, so sometimes I
come down for breakfast with my laptop and spend some quality time
there.... Sugar daddy has not taken me anywhere yet, he offered a trip
to a village in the south of France, but going there i'd be isolated, hence
boring so I declined... I want a bit of sporting life as well when I am away or on
holiday...
I had a hectic few weeks while staying in a friend's place with my stuff
spreaded all over London, and I also spent almost a week sleeping in
saunas, but didn't basically do anything with anyone at the sauna as I was too tired, except fucking a hot young Irish ginger guy on the first night, actually
morning... I am now settled in a new flat anyway, in a quite family
oriented area just a 10 mins walk from Portobello/Notting Hill and not far
from Little Venice...
If you are going to be in Berlin again performing for New Year's Eve, and need help, let me know a bit in advance, I might reach you, as long as you promise me I won't catch bird flu on the plane...
Seen the other day a doc about Taylor Mead called Excavating TM and I
suspect that we'd probably end up that way.... oh, and next time we see
each other I want you to bring along your Swiss friend, the boy who stars in the movie from Garcon Stupide....

The Love Camel
***
Absinth Story from Berlin/and yes, my arrangement of sentences is BAD
Date: 10/18/05 6

Absinth Like many people trapped within the moral confines of this countrie's belief system , still living somewhat in Prohibition , I have for many year's read
and heard of and longed to obtain communion with that elusive "Green Fairy"
otherwise known as Absinth. I have on a few occasion's , had Absinth, but I had already been plied with other alcohol, so the time was not appropo .
When in Berlin , one thing on my list was to visit the Absinth Depot
,and I am so glad I did! I must say , it was one of the highlight's of my
trip! The Absinth Depot is a quaint little shop , with high ceiling's, so it
gives it a bit more depth where needed.I asked Tim to accompany me, and lucky for us , it was only a 10 minute walk from his place on Shoenhauserallee.
We arrived and there were 3 American yuppie's who arrived slightly before
us.The unassuming , yet charming man behind the counter gathered us before the
counter asking us 3 question's pertaining to what we were looking for in the
Absinth experience. Higher Liquor content , more Licorice flavor or the more "hallucinigenic" quality. We all eagerly expressed our enthusiasm for the latter.He began a presentation ( which prior to he expressed that if we were
actually going to purchase something , he would indulge us,as he did not
have a license to sell cocktail's) .He explained each bottle, it's origins
and content's of various propotion of herbs,alcohol etc, how it was made and
what awards it may have aquirred , if any.He then began pouring sample's of each that we were interested in to a little shot glass, and from a terracotta pitcher he added cold waterWe imbibed and discussed what we liked or didn't like or how it was
different from another , and believe me , there is quite a difference in
many. I believe I tried about 6 different kind's, all really unique .
The Yuppies left , leaving Tim and Myself to have our own private audience
with the Proprietor, whose name I believe was Hermann.... I appologised for being so indecisive , but I said I was poor and I really could only get just one,or maybe if the bottles were smaller and less expensive , I could get two.
I was also concerned about going through custom's with it .I would be sad if
I had parted with my valuable and rare dollars , only to have my precious
purchase confiscated at the airport by amature's who more than likely would
know nothing about it, but get to take it home woth them. He said that he had not heard of anyone having a problem,and my friend who told me about this place never had either. But with the current state of affairs with security,I did'nt want to take any chances. Anyway,while I was going back and forth between two possibilitie's, Tim inquired about some other bottles on the shelf., our host went to fetch one, and Tim said for him not to be troubled,but he had a stash down below ,and quickly began to pour some for Tim.When Tim asked what it was, "Hermann" said with a slightly mischievious tone "I'm not going to tell , you must try and tell me what you think it is" We laughed and Tim tasted and exclaimed "This is Marvelous , but I don't know what it is", then it was my turn. I sniffed it and it had a very woody scent,and then tasted it ,and determined it was hazelnut,and I was right. Normally I am repulsed by any kind of Hazelnut flavoring,but this was not
a liquer or an extract , but a distillation. It was pure distilled Hazelnut
,and it was really interesting.Next he began pouring another , it was like we were in the Cabinent of a slightly off inventor and he was excitedly rubbing his paws together at having us an experiment.
The next sample was Red , and immediately without hestation determined it
was Raspeberry. I love Raspberrie's and Tim dosen't so drank it down.
I finally decided to get the Serpis Absinth Classic. While I don't care
for Campari, this has a similar quality , but is very pleasant and mild.It
's color is Red and comes in a stately looking bottle. Not too much Liquoice
and not too much alcohol , measuring out at 55% and it is made in Spain.
While he was fetching my bottle ,I inquired about some other bottle's on a
shelf on the left . His reply was that these were Herb's. He explained a few
, but one caught my eye. This he said was Mandrake. Mandrake!?! I just about combusted into a million microbes in thin ir...... Surely , he must be joking , but no, he confirmed that he was not. How was this possible , and if it was , why did I not know that you could BUY Mandrake in a distilled form and in a bottle , no less? Immdiately he went for his lower shelf stash and in the twinkling of an
eye was pouring me a little glass of mandrake. I was jumping up and down and all over in one place.The Mandrake was in my hand , and I felt I should kneel down and pledgesome kind allegeinceI have kept Mandrake in my house , but never thought of consuming it , so here I go....It was to be expected,strange and bitter but not too bad really ,and it was Mandrake! Hermann said one little glass you get a nice high and two, you knew it was the Mandrake! This was a very exciting moment - I thought now my Halloween would be complete- High on a Mountain Top, a bonfire blazing ,sky clad drinking in the magical mandrake root ,being lifted into the air and carried off in a mist of witches on broomstick's , ghosts and miscelaneous Demons swirling
high above the Caverns of Hell like a scene straight out of Murnau's Dante's
Inferno...I was jumping up and down like a little kid high on too much
Haloween candy. It was an exciting moment ,and our Host was quite happy that one of his customers would know the exact purpose of this substance.At that point ,I was really torn , but convinced I had to have a bottle of the Mandrake ,but didn't have much money left, so decided to wait until tomorrow. We concluded our visit to the Absinth Depot. Thanking our host many time's over , we left place , my bag in hand and walked back to Shoenhauserallee , with the beginning's of chilly October air not bothering us one bit , because we were lit like furnaces and not even really noticing our lower extemities , I felt like the one vision of Alice with her neck stretched high head floating slightly atop .Visions of Green Faries and
flecks of gold whirling about our heads and we giggled all the way home.
And yes, I did return to the Absinth Depot ,just before midnight the next
day to secure my hold on that bottle of Mandragore which has a few words
which I loosely translate from Spanish to say " Hallucinegenic plant of the
Witches".

NICOLLETTE HARIDAN
I am so tired of vanity filmmakers, with their tired projects trying to get you to be in them for free. I am a poor person, i can't afford to work for free. And don't try to attach some Mrs. AIDS benefit or now the benefit dejour of Huricane Katrina, to try and illicit sympathy or to exploit.
I don't know how many people have tried to get me to be in this movie about The Pik-Me Up cafe. LA didn't get into the coffee house scene until the mid 1980s way after Seattle and San Francisco, who have always had those kinds of scenes. Well the Pik-me-Up was a little cafe on 6th and Labrea. It was one of the earlier LA coffee houses that opened after the Onyx, and before the huge explosion of sappy LA coffeehouses. I was never part of the Pik-Me Up or its scene. I only performed there twice. The first time when i premiered my band PME when it was just a one-time side project of the Afro Sisters, and then i did a reading with Exene Cervenka of X and her then husband Viggo Mortensen who is a big movie star now, because of the Hobbit movies. I never hung out at the place, i only went once as a customer when Joel Peter Witkin and his wife were in town and after going to Peanuts for Some are Some aren't, the Witkins wanted to go someplace else, and the Pik-me-up was the only place still open after 2pm. So i wouldn't have much to contribute for a documentary. Anyways, the emerging of the coffee house scene in LA isn't really that cinematically interesting or compelling, my spies who have seen this documentary that previewed at the Egyptian Theatre where the director works as a programmer, said its not very good for the same reasons that I've just stated. In fact one person told me that the highlight of the film is my appearance, where i lactate. I never signed any releases for them to use this footage of me in their documentary, so its pretty cheeky of them to include it. I guess Beck, Exene and Viggo, didn't want to participate. Of course none of them would appear in this film, especially Beck who is so esconsed in Scientology, that he certainly is not going to lend his name to something that doesn't do anything for him.
I can't tell you how many emails and phone calls a week i get offering me reality TV shows, or to appear on some kind of talk show, or banal sitcom. I'm not an actor, and i have no desire to be one, so I'm not interested in developing a reel or trying to get exposure, which is what icky music video directors say to you when they want you to come camera ready to be atmosphere in their lame project. Video directors are the worst. i really hate them bigtime---they are known for ripping off performance artists imagery.
So please let it be known to all you fledgling directors with scripts in your back pocket, that I'm not interested in being in your movies. This drag queen is not just happy to be anywhere. So please don't waste my time or yours.

SORDA SORBET
Barbara of Carpenteria cooked a wildly delicious feast for Glen and me. I ate like there was no tomorrow. Always have a great time with my lady Barb, its so nice to escape the horrors of the tired metropolis for someplace with a quieter pace. Barb screened a rockumentary of the odd rock performer Nick Name. Glen is obsessed with this Nick Name character. Of course the reason why Glen loves him so much, is that Nick Name is very good looking, muscular and masculine in appearance. The film was very revealing in that it showed the desperality that overcomes people in Los Angeles in the sad attempt in trying to navigate a career in the entertainment conglomerplex. Nick Name is no different from a majority of other strivers, his story is only redeemed by the fact that he is not very successful in conquering his Morman religious damage. He began his career as a middle-of-the-road country singer in Nashville and his good looks, and decent singing voice brought him some recognition in that millieu. Why he would want to become a punk rock singer is a mystery to me, and even some of Mr. Name's more thoughtful associates. Mr. Name should embrace his fundamental religious past, and settle down in a nice comfortable lesbian crib death relationship with another muscular and handsome man.
Saw the film "The Gospel" with the black German actor Boris Kodjoe. Mr. Kodjoe is one appealing jubas jubilee with a smile and body that is formidable, to be sure, but this film version of a Momma on the Couch Play, was very difficult to sit through. Even the gospel music moments were uninspiring---which says a lot cuz i love gospel music. My guilty pleasure of the week was the Ryan Reynolds film Waiting. I don't know why i love Ryan Reynolds so much, he is cute and has a great physique, but he's probably awful in bed, and is so shwarmy in that post sitcom way, that to be involved with an actor of his ilk, you'd wind up killing him after the very boring sex.
The one great film gem is George Clooney's period piece "Good Night and Good Luck" about newsman Edward R. Murrow. This flick is genius. Everything works, from pace to tone, i almost can't believe it. My only criticism and its slight, is the casting of Robert Downey Jr. who i've never been a fan of.
Been getting a lot of emails from Berlin requesting the lyrics to the songs I sang with my new band Ruth Fischer. When i premiered the musical group at the closing night party of the Poker im Osten festival i said that you should Forget about The White Stripes and Franz Ferdinand, That Ruth Fischer is the the band that is taking rock music back to its most raw basics. Anyway here are the lyrics to our songs I'm a Communist and Iraqi Boyfriend

I'm a communist (2x)
and i work for the CIA
I'm a communist (2x)
not part-time, but everyday

the left is right and the right is left
(repeat in deutchland)
I'm a communist(2x)
and i work for the CIA
i grift i steal i kill i lie
and i like to make little children cry
i'm a communist (2x)
and i work for the CIA

***

i need a hot iraqi boyfriend
and i need him now
i won't felate a dilitante
i must have a militante

his musclature
like Victor Mature
a beard and mustache
very long eyelache

the desert song
for my desert man
to live life long
my iraqi boyfriend

***

This enote from my talented Berlin lover Tim Blue:

My Dearest,

Absence makes the dick grow longer, or the heart softer, or something like
that. I miss you, too.

Yes, I think there is a conspiracy to make the entire world tired and
boring, which is why I insist on fun and amazingness to fight the
tiredness and hatefulness. For me, I felt that we were a warrior team,
husband and wife, slaying the Sleepies and trampling them underfoot. I get
so hot thinking about all the tired blood on our hands!

You got a great mention in the monthly newsmagazine TIP. Something about how great you are. (see Marcu for details) AND, you know the cop that freaked out and quit the
festival because our ride was "immoral". Turns out he was someone whose
lap you so voluptuously danced on while I spat blood at his feet!

I just got a note from your daughter, who seems well, Koen is in Poland,
Susanne returns today, and we are starting to get more work offers. YAY!

More later, but know I love you and miss you!

Mucho Ammo,

Teem, the Multitanic

and this emug from Marcu Siegel the cheap kolektive's co-captain:

Hey Miss D

so much T, so little tttttime tonight we're going to have dinner with daniela, your husband, and miss kitty diggens, who dearly departs for the states tomorrow morn.Daniela has prepared some kind of vegetarian delicacy, so S and I will take
along Salome.

I just got a mail from Sasha, who's still all dreamy about the CHEAP
intensity period with Miss D. I happened to him too.

so yeah, T and D and I were at the Theater an der Parkaue (the
children's theater in the East where we're doing our Dr. Seuss
installation and where Susanne will be directing her Erika Mann
lesbiana play next year) to see the premiere of Fred's (the IT
lighting gay) new play. Fred did the set this time around. It was
actually quite beautiful, just hundreds of different chairs. We ran
into Sascha, the head director at the theater, and a nice bald guy
who also did something in Poker in the East. He told us the dirt that
a member of the BKA (that's the Bundeskriminalamt, the same force
that sought out Baader and Ennslin and co.---something like the
national police force, a kind of FBI agent) was in IT and was
scheduled to sing in the police choir that was performing in Sascha's
piece. Apparently, this big black drag queen--YOU--zeroed in on her
and sat on her lap during the piece, while your husband Tim,
sputtered anal blood on the secret agent's patent leather shoes!
Afterwards he ran into Sascha, told him he just saw this incredibly
immoral piece, IT. Sascha said he saw it and liked it. The federal
agent said he was dropping out of Sascha's piece because he didn't
want to be associated with such filth. Sascha said that the pieces
weren't associated at all, they were just in the same festival. The
fed said that he nevertheless doesn't want to be affiliated in any
way with such scum. GOOD WORK MISS D!

yeah, and TIP has a section called Berliner Lexikon, which includes
little paragraphs about a variety of subjects organized from A-Z. And
for this issue, you're letter V!: Here's a quick translation. I'll
track down the web connection and send it out to you:

"V Va/gi/nal Da/vis (Drag Diva, Actress, Performer and Event maker in
LA) Should one be scared or happy? This question hangs in the air
when one looks at the almost 2 meter tall black drag diva with the
wide shoulders. Possible feelings of fear disappear as a result of
her warm smile. she is a permanent part of the nightlife in LA, where
she regularly hosts 20s parties in an old bordello. With her direct
manner, she even caused the actress Gwyneth Paltrow to get all red in
the cheeks.Now she's been mixing up Berlin--more exact HAU 2-- where
she appeared in the piece "It happened to me." She also hosted a
small series of parties called the "sonderwirtschaftszone" (special
economic zone). The opening night already had the potential of
becoming one of the hottest party tips in the former West Berlin. The
SWZ partys are now over, but Ms Davis finds Berlin so appetizing
that she has planned further projects. They may have something to do
with a Berliner man who is about two heads smaller than her, a man
who she repeatedly trapped between her legs to kiss. (Jackie A.)"

I'm really happy that TIP wrote something about you. I'm forwarding it to HAU.

Everyone at HAU is all abuzz about Ruth Fischer, the band! Carena,
the theater curator, said it was an amazing performance. That it
destroyed everything about punk music and all that remained were the
questions. She's told everyone about it, so now there's a big buzz.
Gunda, Matthias L's assistant, just called Susanne to ask her to be
in some tired NY perf group's project. S was like, unsure about it.
And Gunda said, just come, meet them and play a song or two from your
punk band. HAU loved the closing night party too. they just sent us
an email and want us to do something for New Years.

ok. dear, gotta get going to miss kitty's dinner. Susanne just walked
in and sends a big big kiss to you. Having you here in Berlin and
working together was magic! It's such a joy and an inspiration.

we all send our love
marcu

Ps- i'll write again soon with more dirt about the festival, the lack
of press that others got, about michelle's falling down stairs and
barfing on matthias haase's brand-new yuppie hardwood floor and other
berlina highlights....

BLANCHE TOO SWEET
Co-hosted with Marcu Siegel the closing night party of the Poker in Osten Festival. Huge success! Tons of people clamoring to see the spectacle that has become the Cheap collektive and pals. Andreas Bernhardt the famed make-up artist for the Paris collections and Thierry Mugler, once again beat on some fine faces. Susanne done as a flawed beauty, with one side of her face burned and melting and the other gorgeous perfection. Serbian thrombone Dragan was the dapper wolf boy, Tim Blue, the man without a face, Daniela aka DJ Nancy was a Kiss Star Eye and Marcu wearing Andreas' Gaultier newsprint suit with matching newsprint headress was the tabloid kingpin. La duchess was the personification of the Whoracle et Delphi, with eyes covering my concubine face. I also wore the couture gown that Belgian Designer Koen Claerhout made for me. Some of the tired actors who performed in the plays in the festival that were not very well attended gave us all attitude at the party. Don't blame us that no one wanted to see your theatre piece. Berlin, like any other major city has its score of jealous, hating biatches. The crowd was mesmerized by my pretty black widow daughter Michelle Carr of the Velvet Hammer and Kitty Diggens, who brilliantly combined Miss Amerikkka and Carrie's Blood prom. Met and flirted with the sexaline Israeli dancer Assaf Hockman, who performs in Catherine Sullivan's avant grade theatre pieces. The Peres Projects gang including owner Javiar, Asiatic Punk Boy, Andrea, Sarah, Melena of Los Super Elegantes and poor ecstacy overdosee Dean Shashima, who is too cute, young and talented to always be such a messy mess. A word to the wise: just buy a hot hustler, and get your girlish gnut---you can afford it.

Was bumped up to business class on the grueling flight back home. Thank god. Missed the apocalyptic forest fires, but not the oppressive heat, so wound up in a daze for the last three days seeing movies like Capote, Garcon Stupide and Everything is Illuminated directed by that big dick arroganca jewish boy Lieb Schrieber, shrilling for an oscar nomination, which he won't get anytime soon, though his debut directorial effort isn't half bad. I loved his choice of casting that ill Russian bootie pie. Capote features a spot on impersonation by Phil Seymour Hoffman, and the beauty of a young juicemonger actor playing the cute killer. Garcon Stupide is only good for its well hung and uncut lead actor and a sizzling mulatto futballer, who for some reason reminded me of a masculine version of Malik from My Barbarian.
Professor Doyle took me out for comfort din din at the Kitchen, we caught up on lots of our traveling adventures, and ladylikeness. Thank god for the Doyle.
In Berlin the magazine Spex did an interview an also a TV thing filmed by Jurgen Bruning, Bruce La Bruce's producer. Had a nice time with Jurgen, who is a dollface. We gossiped about Rick Castro playing all hollywood upon their first meeting, using Marcus Basticda as bad lawyer cop asking Jurgen whose name would go first in the credits and how big they would be, as the initial meeting for Hustler White. Can't wait to hear what Rick Owens has to say about bad Ricky staying with him and Michele Lamy in Paris, i'll also get the scoop from Rebecca of Zoo Magazine who is meeting with him too. Quelle Frommage!

CORRECCIONES
Oops as usual i made a big mistaka in my drunken reportage from Thursday evening. The Peres Projects, Berlin opening was for Asian Punk Boy aka Terrence Koh. For some reason i thought "Slava" Mogutin was performing, but actually Terrence Koh was performing a lovely ritualistic butoh cocaine freebasing whirly burly boy-boy show featuring some very tiny, almost pre-dimunitive, but muscular and washboard ab-eled art players. it was a virtual art world cornacopia with a heavy accent on the copia with everyone who is anyone grifting the art world in attendance. Nice seeing british Fred and his moula posse. That Fred knows how to bank coin. Also little Dean Shashima and Melena of Los Super Elegantes among the dazzling hoite poloi. Congrats to sweet Javier and the beautiful, luscious Andrea for pulling off such a major tour de force and exciting partycus that Berlin really needs.
My escort for the evening Sasha of Heartcore Records and the Cheap Collective made oggle at all the booty pies and later Shasha and i had a nite cap at Barbie Deinhoff where a sweet little Olympia Washington boy dj´s an eccletic mix of tunes.

NAZIS RAUS: AUS DEN KOPTEN
My screenings at the Arsenal-Sony Center was incredible. Fantastic, enthusiastic cute crowd. The movies, looked amazing on the big big silver screen. A few glitches but nothing major. Koen Claerhaut the sizzling young Belgian couturier designed a de-constructed gown for me that was luxuriant, sophisticated and beguiling. Everyone loved the dress and it fit me to a proverbial Ta-Tina!!! Susanne, the star of Bruce la bruce´s raspberry reich beat my face so that i looked as pretty as she is. Ruth who edited my berlin stories after 4 years of sitting in a can, did a masterful job. Ruth works with laurie anderson, and is such a major major talent, it was great having her represent at the screening along with the rest of the cheap crew including Daniela who played piano while Wo Ist Manfred? screened.
Kitty Diggens and my daughter Michele Hell Carr of the Velvet Hammer are both in town and will be performing with me at the closing night party of the festival, Poker im Osten, which will be my last performance here in berlin, tomorrow-sunday. Monday is the national holiday of reunification so the city will most likely be sleeping.
Special thanks to Stephanie, Oishi and the gang at the Arsenal for inviting me, and taking me out to a late nite dinner afterwards and for the lovely wine reception. They treated me like a goddess. The celebs in attendance were Wilheim and Annetta, Berlin´s number one art couple, jurgen bruning, the producer of bruce la bruce´s movies, franke potente, and a bunch of famous journalists,cultural & art critics.

AUSSTELLUNG SHARPIES
2nite is the opening of the peres projects gallery in berlin. cute little javier told me he was going to have an annex to his la gallery in germany, but i would have never guessed that it would open so soon. Yuroslav Mogutin, the hot russian artist and star of Bruce la Bruce´s Skin Flick aka Gang of Four Skins, will be doing a super love sexy performance at the opening. i can´t wait to go, it should be a major event and should show these germans how to get down and party and not stand around looking glum and depressed, which is what i´ve been seeing a lot. Things have certainly changed since i last was here in berlin for a long time back in 2001. i guess globalization is to blame for the lack of sexy energy in the streets, highways and byways.
One thing i have to say is there are some ill looks and hairdo´s worn by these Germans. Their techno, rave damage is just atrocious. That love parade look is way too tired. yuk. the other day at a bar i saw this boy with an ill palm springs orange tan, curly mullet and acid wash, and i don´t think he was trying to be ironic. the poor thing was actually going for a sexy cum hither look, but was only pulling off cum dither or cum phylis diller.----yikes! the gay world in berlin is super gay. its like they took everything gay in the states, put it in a blender and tripled it to the fourth extreme times 177,000. its sooo gay its really depressing. i can´t even find anything amusing about it for a good old fashioned vaginal davis chuckle. if i move here i will definately have to create my own scene, and i believe they are ripe for it. well haven´t i always had to create my own scene no matter where i´ve been?
Got an email from some guy named Jared who says he is the new owner of the Funeral Parlour, and that he is interested in my doing Bricktops there. If things couldn´t get more by love bizarre. i also noticed that Lenny Young of Lenny and Squiggy fame, the former owner, also sent me an email, but of course i erased it without reading what it said. What a strange development this is. This Jared is supposed to be the manager of Jones and Bar Marmont. Is he running the new space for Sean McPhearson? What exactly is going on here. Are they going to change the place into a yuppie palace? This Jared guy says its going to stay funky, buy funky does he mean like the good luck bar? is that his standard of funky cold medina? If anyone out there in cyberland has any thoughts on the subject please email me. i´m trying to check emails everyday at the internet cafe while here in berlin. for some strange reason, aol won´t come up on my friends computers because their machines are too old, so i´m forced to go to a cafe and spend euros. oh welpsis. i finally found a new cafe around the corner from my apartment that i like and its pretty cheap.

hopefully today i will go with Sasha to see Slava´s Wigger show at the Deschler Galerie. Slave put on this show of his photography and the drawings of some very young kid named Brian Kenny. i also have to meet with ruth, the film editor to see if she was able to finish editing my berlin stories experimental shorts that i made four years ago. i´m hoping to premiere all of these made in berlin movies at my screening at the arsenal Friday, so please tell all your intercontinental balistic pals. At the closing party of the poker im osten festival i´ll premiere my new band The Ruth Fischers, which is bound to blow Franz Ferdinand out of the water.

COMMUNISTA MOUTH
Had a blast at the Hau 2, where Cheap was dj-ing. Hung out most of the evening with the pretty girl who programs The Arsenal, where i will be having my screening on friday. She just got back from vacation in new york and toronto. she and i both don´t care for babies, pets, cooking and cars, but not necessarily in that order.
Tuesday Sasha took me to dinner on the Casting Allee which he calls the trendy street, and that is a good name for it. After supper it was drinks at the Morgenrot, a vegan cafe, bar and kollektiv, with macrobiotic cocktails-----i kid you not. the tired barmaid was smoking a joint and it took forever for her to make our pina coladas, but when we eventually got them, they were delicious. Sasha is so sweet. He is mixed Bosnian, Croatian, Serbian and Montenegrian. Wow! how is that for a pedigree.

BERLIN MARATHONIA
o my, the berlin marathon re-routed my tram line on the premiere day for it happened to me, making the lady late for make-up and hair. The premiere was a smash hit. it all came together bringing me fond memories of cheap jewelry 5 years ago. The hard part was doing 3 shows in a row. the piece is only 20 minutes, but the energy it takes to generate my performance really leaves me drained. it happened to me leaves the audience a bit disoriented. it was hard to read the crowd for the first two performances, we are coming at them so strong and relentless. The moving stage is fantastic, but it took a while to get use to performing on it. Special kudos go to make-up and hair designer Andreas, who works for Thierry Mugler and does a lot of the Paris shows. Andreas and his assistant Steffi gave us that tight look that put this piece over the top. when you look that good, you really dont have to do anything else. the set design and lighting by cecile and fred rocked. Who knows maybe this piece will be resurrected somewhere else, there has already been some sniffing around by Tokyo, Sidney, Oz and Montreal. The after party at the Hau 2 was a delight as well. I premiered my VD as VB installation and the kids looked so good as living, breathing statues. Kisses to the beautiful Lisa Marie, handsome Jurgen, delicious NaNa and sweet & cuddly Andrea who helped me so much 5 years ago at the Podevil and Praeter. Also shouts to DJ Ipek of Salon Oriental, and the incredible Rhythm Kings. Also got to meet the sexy and tasty Barbara Panther, the 1st daughter of the Black Panthers. She is a goddesa. I got so drunk at the after party hanging out with cutie pie Ruth, Annetta, Wilheim and making out with Sasha from Heartcore Records. That boy is an insatiable flirt. I´ve known him since he was 16, now he´s going to grad school.
Treated myself to a nice message therapy session. boy did i need it. feel very relaxed and spiritualista. Got to see all the hunky berlin marathon runners. Were they running away from my all too needy love?

REVITALISIERT MUDE GESICHTSHAUT
oh thank you dr. hoffman of new germany! i can walk again and talk. my waiting time at his office was only 10 minutes. i guess he thought i was a much bigger black celeb then i currently am. the no nonsense head nurse broomhilda was not featuring my black jungle realness and the fact the doctor was spending so much time flirting with me and ignoring his regular patients. he even gave me some hot drugs to take that leave me a bit woozy and my heart facing like i did a richard pryor bout of freebasing. 2nite is the premiere of "it happened to me" excited and nervousa.
no major romance to report except for my crush on british cnn news reporter Max Foster. he is one juicy sloane ranger type with a very pronounced penicular. my pal joel gibb of the hidden cameras had a short fling with him and he turned into a jerk, but he´s nice to watch in the tv that comes with my berlina flat.

FUR MEINE GESUNDHEIT
The poltical clime here in germany is messy. A few days ago was the national elections, but no main person received a majority of the votes. Angie merkel of the christian democrat party is even more brittle blonde over the results. Angie is germany´s Margaret Thatcher. I certainly haven´t picked the best time to want to become an expatriate. History always repeats itself so i should expect the return of national socialism in all its full fury at any moment. Well if not Hitler, Who?
Went to the housewarming party with cheap collektive of this gay little boy art whore named Reiner something or other. One of the dullest parties i have ever attended. The German art crowd is even more boring then the LA and New York art scenesters. sitting around a table that you never leave doth not a party atmosphere make. couldnt wait to leave and go to the 1 year anniversary party at barbie deinhoff, hosted by hot french drag king Eliot, who is amazing with her butch gallic charms. A frail queen who has worked with the cheap collective named william who went by the name of Bonny Guitar on this evening did a nice performance with theremin in hand. ive been told this nelly is an american from the south and is betrothed to a swiss ganymede. i have to give the girls in berlin credit for bumping bush with each other. ive noticed that a lot of ugly people find other uglys and wind up in some kind of wedded bliss. hurray for them. i also loved the performance by kitty diggens jr. to music by the dresden dolls. was a hoot seeing that cute Matias from cheap jewelry and the incredible Alessio who besides working for B Books tends bar at Barbie Dein.
Rehearsals for it happend to me have been moving along nicely. the only problem being that my head cold has gravitated to my knee, so i can`t walk very well. the theater has paid for me to see a dr. hoffman, who treats the actors and dancers. he has nice offices in Stadmitte area and i think a little sugar in his tank. wish i had access to my own physician in Amerikkka----fat chance.