CHAVESTITE
My last day in man!chesta uber alles with the performance of "The Maladjusted Rule"
goes off hitch free. The kids really gave it their all, and i'm proud of them. The final results---brilliantine---just granada! beyond Asbury Park! It was an evening where shtars and un-born cock was slurped and digested in heavy gulps. The heavenly firmament welcomed a cast of bright, young things.
How i managed to get through a week of a swollen foot, knock knees and rusty joiners is beyond me. I'm going to miss my cast of lovely children from a lesser god. All my kissy kisstalkneys and love go out to Tessa, Lisa, Theo, Phil, Niv, Empress Jaheda, Joseph "Joey" Hateley and my phd girls: Es and Lou-Lou. Specially thanks to project manager "Nervous" Jenny Sutton, Anna, the beautiful Belgian tech girl, support staff bootie pie Mark, gentle giant Rowan, Patrick Collins, Keith, and that hot half caste stunner Barkery, who didn't work on my piece, but provided me with occasional eye candy in the Sofa Cafe at the Contact Theatre.
Had a drink after the show and met the sweet parents of Tess and Niven. I must have terrorized Niv's 16 year old ginger brother when i attacked him in the audience, but i couldn't help my self he's so damn cute and fine with that ultra white peaches n' cream complexion and lips of vermillion.
Thank god for Andrea, my low energy Milanese via London assistant who helped me get through the last days of mancun disqo. We couldn't wait to get back to our lovely little suite at the Mal Maison. In the lobby i was approached by junky rocker Pete Doherty, ex of the Libertines, and his supermodel girlie friend Kate Moss. Pete gave me a big hug and kiss on the lips, the cheeky Irishman even gave me a little quick tongue action--which really shocked me, and i'm hard to shock. Good natured missy Kate Moss just laughed it off. I guess she's use to the antics of her polymorphously perverse former rent boy beau. I've known Kate since 1998 when i hosted Playing With Matches in New York with Beck and Yoko Ono, and she's one down-to-earth super mannequin. You can take the girl from Croyden, but you can't take the Croyden out of the girl . . .Peter is a also a lot taller then i expected. He's about 6'4".
The hunky swimmers built hotel doorman, Graham who hails from South Afrika, had been flirting with me since i arrived in early april. We finally got to consumate the hairy eyeballing. Graham saw my picture in the Guardian, and said i was striking as a woman. When he got off duty he came by my room, luckily Andrea was sound a sleep, so we went into the loo and i gave him a tongue bath he won't soon forget. The boy is stacked with a body that is mega perfect! Ass, feet, calves, thighs, chest and gigantic apartheid genitalia. yummmy, what a nice way to end my stay in the UK.

NOTE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT: please rid yourself of that claustrophobic mall/waiting room. its evil. Stood next to the material girl herself---- McDonna, or is she still going by her Kaballah name of Esther Mordacai?

BARONESS BRENDA HALE
emailed me that she is going to come to my workshop performance "The Maladjustment Rules" at the Contact Theatre tomorrow. The Baroness is the first female law Lord, and one of my biggest fans and supporters in Great Britain. Did a dress rehearsal with a small audience, and things went really well. I had to do one of my nuclear dookies in the dressing room loo, and to rid the lavatory of my unearthly stank,i lit some toilet paper on fire and it caused the overly sensitive alarm system
to go off, with three fire trucks and one police van that came to take me away. Contact Theatre treated the cast to a wonderful Indian dinner--yowza! Andrea came down from London to help me with the piece, thank god i really need him. My knees are rattling and my foot is a little swollen. I'm a delicate creature to be sure.
Feminists Julie Burchill and Julie Bindel both emailed me after coming to Bricktops Friday. They wanted to know when i would be hosting the club again. I explained that i was in Manchester and would be back in Los Ang on Sunday.

MR ZADIE SMITH
. . .and prize winning poet Nick Laird was at Bricktops last week, with pop ingenue Jonathan Rice. I love getting emugs from the Bricky's kids filling me in on all the ondine, while i'm away.
Well, my manchesty trip is coming to a close. Last night at the workshop we put all the parts together in this piece we've been working so diligently on, and i'm happy to report it all seems to gel. I'm very proud of my workshop participants who are a talented and awe inspiring bunch.
Too bad i can't report success with my gaydar date last night. Thank god i went to meet him at a bar, and not at the hotel. The picture he sent online was from 64 years ago. I'm more bemused then upset.

MERSEY BULWARK
Had a nice greasy spoon breakfast at my favorite city center nook. Ran into Dr. Monica and had a chittle chat with her, also received a phone call from Amelia Jones who was having another margarita party at her gorgeous edwardian home in Chorlton. Was hoping to get-to-gether for some buttery sexing with that giant ginger bmx racer dude, but he was a no show (of course) Andrew of Gould created a profile for me on Gaydar, but i'm finding it a bust.
Wound up taking a stroll and met two pals, one recognized me from when i was on that Ruby Wax special. This boy has a good memory as that was way over ten years ago. He invited me to have a drink and i spent the rest of the bank hoiday with him and his saucy mate Simon bar-har hoping. We went to the unfortunately named Queer Bar, which was one of the saddest twinky joints i've ever been in, with the worse music and young boys who were so affected with that awful half faux hawk, half mullet hairdo that everyone seems to be wearing these days. Even some lesbians had a variation of this coif. You can forgive the young people for such bad judgement, but when i see someone 35+ also wearing this style i have to let out a great big groan.
Tuesday morn emailed my article to Zoo Magazine in sections. The tired computer at the hotel was not working very well and had to finish at the nearby internet cafe. i always have the worse luck.
Workshop with students today will be grueling as we only have a few more days before our performance on Saturday. Something tells me that on my last week in manchesty i won't be getting much sleep.

FARRINGDON
Got a note sent to me from Los Ang that cute, sexy and adorable Nick Atkinson of the band Rooster was at Bricktops on Friday, and also the first supermodel Janice Dickenson has been coming every week since i've been in manchesty. Now Janice is a good time Sally of the olde school, so i'm sure she's been in riotious behavior mode.
Saturday no workshop so i got to sleep in and have some time to myself. Early in the eve i did go back to the Contact Theatre to see my co-facilitator Joey Hateley's work-in-progress, "Dirty" that was presented as part of a trio of new works. Joey is a handsome young dyke, extremely delicious and talented and her performance piece shows extreme promise. She could become the new Jean Genet. "Dirty" reminded me of Genet's "The Balcony". It was nice to socialize with the cast members of my workshop and Joey's performance.
A giant group of us attacked the gaia village which was very sweet. We started off at Mantos which on the bottom floor was playing very icky loud techno. The third floor was funk musica, and that was great, but the room was like being in a sauna so i couldn't handle it. Then we went to a lounge to drink some more and i got very tipsy, too tipsy for my own good. We then made our way to a little dance spot called Tribeca which was playing some soul and funkadelic---i even danced a whiff. One of Joey's actors has a hot Basque boyfriend who was really turning me on---he's tall, lean and muscular with full lips a pronounced nose and gorgeous hair collick. i was flirting with him all night. The last stop of the evening was a giant dance club called Essentials. The 25 plus group of us sortof split up at this point, with some people going into the danceparty and others going off to an impromptu houseparty. I was following the group to the house, and stopped to tie my shoe and got lost. At this point it was after 3am, so i decided to just find my way back to my hotelry for a good night sleep.
Sunday i spent time with Andrew and Charity's lovely friend Ava. It was delightful hanging out with her exploring the old industrial buildings of the north quarter. She's such a sweet little lass. We then went to the famous Temple of Convenience which is a converted public toilet that is now a pub. Great vibe and some cute rock star looking boys with perfect noses and tight bodies. Ava and i finished our evening at the Gaia Vill'age watching the parade of fools, and then getting a snack at a kabob hause that made one of the best felafels i've ever tasted. yum and yum alike.

AFFLECK'S PALACE
I forgot to mention i ventured to this old school Melrose Avenue in a manor emporium in the Northern Quarter. Call it the house where Ben Affleck comes to get his guiche pierced and find virile men with twitchy itchy bare knuckles for a proper fisting session. yowzina!
Was interviewed by one of Amelia's top phd students Kevin, to help with a project he is working on. Kevin is a charming soft spoken Jamaican man with dredlocks who doesn't smoke the ganja---god love him. He took me out for tea at the aptly named Cornerhause Gallery Cafe on Oxford Street Road and we had an amazing sistah2sistah, diary of a mad black woman chatalina. Kevin and his dinge queen lover have been a couple for over 15 years, and besides working on his doctorate, Kevin is an accomplished sculptor who receives regular commissioned assignments and owns his own home near Amelia Jones in the Chorlton area.
Yesterday was day four of the Maladjustment Rule workshop and its coming in to its own special Stella Getting Her Groove. Perhaps after Monday's bank holiday we'll be able to put the pieces of the puzzlette together and map out some tech. After Wednesdays sesh i hung out with the gorgeous baby dyke couple Lisa & Tess and their ten roommates in the campus dorm. Boy i'm glad my undergrad days are way over. I certainly would not want to be a young student again. I enjoy teaching occassionally, but a fulltime career in academia isn't my cup of formadaliptic tea.
Had lunch at Loves Saves the Day and shared a table with a paraplegic theatre actor and director who is putting on a show called "The Last Freakshow" at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester. Would love to see his performance, but its during the most critical time of preparing my piece, so i think i'll miss it. We exchanged information and if i bring Visions of Excess to his hometown of Edinburough, Scotland i'd love to include him. His eyes bugged out when i mentioned the Goddess Bunny.

ANEGADA
On my third day of workshops with the students. A great bunch all of them. Lou and Es are Phd students, Es is in a band. Phil is a young boy who has worked with disabled children and has travelled quite a bit in Europe and the US. Tess and Lisa are hot lovers in the Wendy & Lisa School of Joan Jett Rocker chick love. Very hot hot hot hot. Jaheda is a beautiful young lady from Bangladesh, intelligent, strong and resourceful. She led us in an excercise involving Muslim prayer rituals that was just genius. Theodore is from Athens Greece and is really giving his all--he could emerge as the star of the show. We've all bonded rather quickly, and its been delightful seeing what is taking place in a natural organic fashion.

And talk about multi-cultural. The diversity is true and not token. Even though i'm an anglophile. There are still a lot of British phrases and words that leave me stumped, so i'm learning a lot in this process. The physical intensity has my old creaky bones rattled. I'm really delicate. My co-facilitators Joey and Niven are just supurb in everything they say and do, and without them i'd be soooo lost.

American and British English are sooooooo different, and once you through in the slang factor. ouch. I'm having a hard time keeping up. hopefully i'm losing a lot of weight with all this physical activity and mental pumping.

CORNING GAME HEN
Friday i went to the Museum of Science and Industry. Didn't know man!chesty was a science and technology mecca. The industrial revolution was born here---they produced the first steamer and railway station circa 1830. Even the atom was first split in Manchester. ah, what a history.
Watched a program on the telly about the scandalous Duchess of Argyle and the notorious headless man in a series of porno photos. The famous headless man turned out to be Douglas Fairbanks Jr. You get your gnut Duchess.
Ran into professor Da-vid and his beautiful latin lover, also Dr. Monica Pearl and her cute daughter Vita Sackville-West.
Was interviewed by two British magazines via email. One asked some great questions, but the other just wanted to get some dirt on my cousin, the US secretary of state Condi Rice.
Saturday i met a beautiful top heavy Columbian boy with full lips of vermillion, bubble butt and big feet. Took him back to my hotel and plowed him silly. Very hot hot hot kid.
Luckily on Sunday morning my builder boy had to cancel our picnic plans as he had to spend time with his two children. I was able to sleep in really late from my sex date the night before with the muscle headed Columbian.
***
Walked all the way to Professor Amelia Jones' house for din din. Nice trot, and i got to see a different part of the city. Amelia's house is gigantic and gorgeous! Built in 1910 and filled with art pieces from Judy Chicago to Annie Sprinkle. Her children are beautiful. A little girl named Vita Sackville-West and a Jodie Foster in Freaky Friday looking boy named Evan. Joining us for dinner was Amelia's wild eyed friend Vanessa who had to leave early as she had a date with my favorite British actor Christopher Eccleston. Vanessa came with her ex boyfriend the performance artist Tam Hinton who just performed at the Greenroom performance lab doing a solo piece called The Naked Soul of Kirk Godless-part one. Tam is very sexy, i'd love to give him a tongue bath all over his shiny white body.
Vanessa also brought her pretty son Leon who has long dark hair and is best friends with Amelia's son Evan. Leon reminded me of Beck's brother Channing when he was that age. The meal was fantastic, Amelia is quite a hostess who knows how to make kill dozer margaritas that really quench the G-spot.

CHAV/CHAVETTE
I really seem to attract a certain type of boy here in man!chesty. Went to the Great Northern Railway Company where there is an AMC cineplexy and before i caught the flicker, a boiling boy of the most ultimate sauciness was trying to snap me inside the loo. Wasn't sure if he was a concubine or not. he was wearing the standard issue geezer uniform: Burburry cap, shiny track stripy jumper with pant, Rockports, the works. At least he wasn't donning those Reebok classic trainers, that would have been Skal overkill. His bum was rounded perfection, and that lump in his crotch held promise and fullfillment. His beautiful pale skin glowed---what a sight for Cornelius or better my john wayne gacy hairy eyeballs. yowza yowza yu!!!!
Caught the movie "Sahara" starring Matthew "I never bathe" McConaughy, his Spanish bird, former beard of Tom Cruise---Penelope Cruize and that darling trotter Steve Zahn, who is sezy in a wierd dufusy way and a laugh riot. William h. Macy was playing his atypical Macy role, and the surprise was a fantastic Glynn Turman, who use to be mr Aretha Franklin in too brief supporting role. The pic was entertaining in that Alan Quartermain zesty way. Outside of the theatre was a sign that said Virgin Active. Thats me all the way--jfk!
In the courtyard at the Bar 38, was the M-TV program TRL interviewing the Brazilian footballer Rio Ferdinand, who is a half caste braided and a bit weasle looking in person. He looks cuter in photos.
2 nite i'm going to try and catch Kiki & Herb at The Mint Lounge on Oldham Street.
Andrea Novarin will come back Monday to help me with the workshops.

GREEN DOLPHIN STREET
First formal meeting with my Maladjusted Rule artistic tag team consisting of Contact Theatre's pretty project manager Jennie Sutton, a sweet good time sally who reminds me of Anne Marie of Birmingham's Fierce Festival, handsome no nonsense dyke Joey Hateley, and writer/performer/expert outreacher, the lovely Niven Ganner. I immediately wanted to adopt them as my very own children. I'm old enough to be their grams, three times over. Its so invigorating to be around such radiant youth. I'm sure i'll be learning more from them, then i could possibly teach. The prospects are thrilling.
Contact theatre's happy-go-lucky cutup, and General Mgr Keith introduces me to the Divine Da-vid. He's such a humble starina, that i didn't recognize him. Niven was the one who made his identity known to me. Simon Casson of London's Ducky, has told me so many wonderful stories of their working relationship, i feel like we're old pals. The Divine one will be creating an "I never promised you a rose garden" spring tranquility installation. Can't wait to delight in its promise.
After a few hours of brainstorming with my rock steady crew, Niven took me to the gay villa'ge to a nifty olde fashioned tavern to throw back some pints. A middle aged power dagger who reminded me of Agnes Moorehead was flirting with me. Those butch bottoms can smell a femme top from a football field away. Miss Moorehead was hilarious. Our young bartender was cute, but very blase. Keith, Divine Da-vid and his dapper friend Robert joined us for a bit. A raucaus high spirited time was had by all.
Niven walked me back to the the Mal Maison (Bad House) hotel. Professor Amelia Jones called inviting me to supper on Sunday evening. No word from my skally lad, so i felt a bit rejected. Niven kept me company and told me about the neo nazi's that cruise the canal hoping to toss faggots into the murky water. Niv had to leave and catch his train back to the next county. Both Joey and Niv are perfect in every way, and so adorable. Why aren't Americans personable like the British?
Figuring i was stood up by my beau, i decided to do some push-ups, sit-ups and take a long hot penetrating steam bath. I watched the American drama Desperate Housewives which is actually quite cute. I don't own a TV so when i travel its always a treat to vegetate and watch the boobula tube. I was just immersed in this documentary about the boy banda Take That, when the phone rings and its my boo, apologizing for calling so late, but his baby's momma made a surprise visit with his two kids. Of course it only makes perfect sense that i would find a man who has been with wo-men. Story of my natural borne life. Well, did i want some prissy hair hopper of a fagula who wears too much cologne? My boy drives over from suburbia and he commenses to toss my salad like its his destiny fullfilled. He can't get enough of "the dolls" bubble asstrovar. After my whoregasm i send him on his merry way. I won't allow him busting a gnut, not on my time, i make tentative plans to have a picknic sunday afternoon at the lush park where the costume museo is.

MANCUN PRECTORIATE
I'm glad i'm staying in the city centre i can easily walk any and everywhere. Went with my Italian born intern Andrea Novarin to a crappy sauna off of Canal Street called H2O that was filled with the fathers of trolls and andalusian gargoyles. The only one of interest in the place was a muscleheaded skin who worked behind the counter.
In the Northern Quarter we discovered another sauna called The Basement. The place was filled with totty's. i wound up in a scene with five blondines who were young and tight---like a gash, like a wound----my entire binocer cavity was ravaged, as well as my 3 inch cashew and bungers. Everything is still a little sore to-day. I'll be returning to that juice cellar on the weekend.
Got some good press out of the Guardian and this lesbiana glossy called Diva Magazine, which features an interview i don't remember giving. I guess i'm ready to replace Catherine Denueve as the latest saaphic icon.

***
Today is Tuesday and I've turned into the ultimate walker. Went all the way down Oxford Street past the University into the Arab and East Asian District. Found a delightful park and soaked up the gamma rays. Actually enjoyed the sun for a change. Went to the history of costume museo that features clothing from the 18th Century all the way to the present. My favorite periods being Regency, Edwardian and the jazz age.

LOVE SAVES THE DAY
is the name of the great little restaurant Andrea and i went to. Professor Monika Pearl took us to breaky at a little greasy spoon and told us about LSTD and the marvelous Oldham Street.
Found the post office and its raining AGAIN---not so bad, it kind of comes down like a spritzer, very refreshing. i'm actually loving man!chester and all the very cute bubble butt boys prancing about. yum yum and then more yum. Andrea returns to london, but will come back later on the day i put on the happening with the students.

SKALLY LAD
Got laid by a Mike Skinner of the Streets look-a-like. A working class bloke, occupation: Builder. And great building is what he did, munching down on my garden salad like Gary Cooper in the Fountainhead.
Instead of bringing him back to my hotel, i went to his place, a council estate in the suburb that Andrew of Gould warned me was the roughest in all of Britain. Very much like the new BBC drama Shameless. Me and my laddy have a tentative date for Wednesday. Lets hope it leads to something.
My assistant Andrea Novarin, who is Italian but has been living in London for the past six years came to Manchester to help me. Andrea is so low energy sometimes its like he's not even there. I'm quoting Ron Athey in that description of Andrea. Sweet Andreas really has been a big help to me.

ALL THE WAY WITH MICHAEL OWEN
My performances at the Contact Theatre were very well received. i did a 7pm and 9pm show. i felt i wasn't very effective at the first show, but after drinking i got better for the second. The video equipment kind of made my underground ouvre look sloppier then it really is, oh welp. We had a tech rehearsal, but it didn't seem like it. My shows sold out, and there was even ticket scalpers. how's that for being under the radar.
The contact theatre's miss jenny is auditioning students for my workshops. i plan on putting together a happening in the style of yayoi kusama, the crazy polka dot japanese artist. who knows what will happen as i pimp out the youth of manchester divided.
i'm still feeling a little jet lagged. Saturday i attended the conference and the programs were actually hot. Catherine Lord ruled with a presentation on St. Valerie Solanis, and of course Jennifer Doyle, Jose Munoz, Daddy Athey and Julianna Snapper showed everyone how it is properly done. Kudos for organizers Amelia Jones and Laura Doan. The after party at Cornerhouse was wild and fun, and then we were taken to a delicious Chinese dinner at the Palace and a hot young academic took us to a sexy little bar for more drinks. As i write this i'm very very drunka.

MAN!CHESTER DELIGHTED
-On the Pitch-
Flight to England Rocky and rough, i screamed out loud 5 times terrorizing everyone on a plane filled with children. Thank god professor Jennifer Doyle was also on board, and made me delicious sandwiches and homemade cornbread. Sat next to a very nice, talkative British lady and an Israeli man who snored like he has sleep apnea.
Cute young boy wearing Tiva sandles with big feet across from me. Yum. Love Virgin Atlantic--by far the best airline in the world.
Ma Maison Hotelry in the city ctr is a cutesy boutique configuration. i'm half sleep and half awake as the queeny man at the desk checks me in. Barely arrived and i'm already bombarded with invites and proposals. A very rich gent named Hugh Van Cutsem wants me to be his black concubine. I'm only interested if i get first dibs at his handsome son William. Wayne Rooney, a skally lad footballer for manchester united also has the hots for me, but he's just a little too doughy for this lady.

The gay village of Canal Street is just around the corner from me hotel. doesn't look very interesting.

Sad News
My anti porn feminist ex-lover Andrea Dworkin died. i knew she had Epstein Barr syndrome, lyme disease and lupus, but other then that she seemed in excellent health. i just emailed my condolences to her male lesbian husband John Stoltenberg.
speaking of diseases, on the Sky One news all they seem to be talking about is MSRA which is the disease dajour of the moment. Maybe Andrea died of MSRA.

British Telly is completely nutters. Since i don't have a TV in the states its fun to watch it here. One program that is really over the proverbial top is called Cosmetic Surgery Live! and features an oreo cookie jubas jubilee doctor and a portly pepperpot TV presenter showing very graphic body augmentation surgery. The jubas specializes in a procedure called, The Designer Vagigner where he re-sculpts hatchet pussies and extends clitoris' for better orgasms.
tar tar!

GOSTA BERLING'S SAGA
The wonderful Mark Simon took me to see the Greta Garbo salute at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Thursday. The Swedish actress Lena Olin, from the movie "Incredible Lightness of Being" was the hostess and the guest stars included actresses Joan Leslie who was in Camille as a child, and Cora Sue Collins who played baby Garbo in Queen Christina, and was a lifelong lesbianic friend of the legend. Also Gavin Lambert and the great Gore Vidal told hilarious Garbo stories. According to Ms. Lambert. Garbo loved to play games---she didn't have anything else better to do and Missy Vidal said that Howard Hughes is responsible for Garbo not returning to the screen. She was going to be in a picture for RKO in 1949, but Hughes nixed it. They showed the screen tests and she was breathtaking.
I had my own Garbo encounter in the 80s in New York. I was fooling around with a friend at the Chanel Boutique on West 57th, and an elderly lady approached us and said, "You young people sure know how to have fun". When we realized in unison we'd heard that voice before, the woman was gone. I had been observed and spoken to by the one and only Greta Garbo.
***
Friday at Bricktops was our salute to the songwriters Henderson, Brown and DeSylva. Not only did they write songs together they had a buttery menage relationship. Our guest performer was none other then the Hobo Jazz Combo headed by Marquis de Gris from Redland, CA. Marquis and his cute portly pal, put on a dynamic show. They perform quite a bit, and it shows with how tight they've become. Really amazing. I love supporting new talent. Earlier in the eve we had a Bricktops pre-party at Andrew of Gould's with the Hobo Jazz boys, Jose Promis and Cory Marie of the Moveable Feast. Miss Cory has designed a new Bricktops poster featuring Mr. Uncertain that is just too divine. I also got to meet Ms. Cory's hot beau, a strikingly handsome, tall, soft spoken young man who seems perfect for my pretty and talented Miss Cory Marie.

The celebs in the audience at Bricktops included The Ditty Bops, who were just on tour with Nancy Sinatra and the Dresden Dolls. DeAmanda of the Bops looked resplendid with her new blondine hairdo. The Bops came with their admirers, the singer Ray Montagne and Andrea Albert Pierre, the cute young son of Princess Caroline of Monaco. Andres would make a better ruler of Monacco then his queeny uncle Albert. East Coast socialite Beth Rudin De Woody came AGAIN and brought with her as an entourage Allison Stark Morrisey, the lovely great granddaughter of Fanny Brice and granddaughter of famed producer Ray Stark, Allison's hot mom is Wendy Stark Morrisey, who is the west coast editor of Vanity Fair and is one of Bricktops staunchest supporters. I love Wendy and her gay assistant/right hand man.
***
Tuesday I'm off for Manchester, England where I'll be performing as part of the Queer Visualities Conference, I'll do two lecture/performances at the Contact Theatre on April 15th under the title: "Beware the Holy Whore" and on May 7th i'll host a happening with students that will be called "The Maladjusted Rule" If you're any where near Man!chest pay me a visit. I'll be staying at the boutique hotel The Mal Maison in the Piccadily section of the city in the center of town right next to the Judas Cradle.

PLANTATION LULLABY
Parlour Club bar dom, Ms. Kimberly Kim treated Andrew of Gould and I to a farewell luncheon. I adore Kim, she's so beautiful and sweet, and makes killer drinks that everyone talks about. She has so many admirers, and without her Bricktops would be dull dull dullard. It was so nice socializing outside of the bar, which is something a rarely get to do with the staff who help make Bricktops the amazing club that it is.

Went to the Silent Movie Theatre to see William DeMille's "Miss Lulu Betts" William is Cecil B.'s older brother. The movie was very entertaining in a extremely old fashioned way that i love. Silent movies are so modern in many ways, they were ahead of their time and quite superior to talkies. My favorite part was when the heroine asks a suitor if he is a Miss Mister. or a Mrs. Mister---trying to find out if he's married or not. The other films on the bill were two amazing shorts by Harry Langdon and Buster Keaton and a Coco the Clown cartoon that was very multi-media combining stop action, animation and live action. I haven't been to the Silent Movie Theatre since the old owner was killed by his hustler lover. Some nutty opportunist actor type bought the place and its lost its focus, but he did restore the building and its nice and clean with great pillows for those hard high school auditorium seats. The piano player who accompanies the films is excellent. The new owner even tried warbling a tune, which was a little irritating. He was trying to dress period, but my advice to him is ditch the Nike Tennis shoes. He should also get rid of the boy who sells popcorn. I asked him where the bathroom was and the rude pipsqueek told me where it was but added make sure to pee in the urinal and not on the bathroom floor. Paying $15 to see a movie at this theatre does not entitle one to such treatment.

***
This just in from my movie critic pal who just came back from a film festival in Oregon.

1) The one place in America where there are NO Mexicans

2) NO hip-hop, not even a flimsy partial fingerprint of it. Went to their local YMCA one day to get in a workout and they had the radio tuned to John Mayer -- to which I could've sworn I heard an old cracka mutter under his breath about niggra music.

3) Ashland's gotta be ground-zero for the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen fanbase.

4) Five Negroes total, including me. Although I did keep seeing these kids who were clearly biracial -- I mean, they were a half-shade darker than Mariah Carey but had kinky blonde hair, blue-green eyes, and Negroesque noses. But I kept seeing them by themselves, one at a time, about six kids total. Just wandering through downtown Ashland, ranging in ages from about 6 - 14. Never a sign of a parent. Never even in groups of two or anything. Just one at a time, cropping up in random places. Some weird mulatto childdren of the corn shit.

5) There was no ass gotten in Ashland...

Paz y amor,
E

***
O and a little correction. The cast of the Golden Calf Spectacle at Bricktops the other week included: Penny Starr Jr, Pleasant Gehman and Miette
Maxwell as The Slave Girl.

***

and this just in from Billy Miller from STH Magazine:

V,

hi.
perhaps you're already en route but,
am a wonderin' if the video got dere...?
and,
wanted to tell you that i gave yer e-mail address to Gert Yonkers (of BUTT) who asked me for your contact info as he wants you to write something -i think- for his mag.
have just awaken from a dream....in it i was waiting for a ride outside a walled compound.
the rest of the dream -that i can remember- was so phantasmagoric that it would take up a whole lot of space to even begin to describe -but if was on the creepy side.
it's sunny today and is a good time for me to get a Mumbai-style mixed vegetable sandwich from the Indian strip a few blocks from here...

wub,

beeeweee

A CRAZY CORRECTION
One of my media saavy pals emugged me to say i got a name wrong on the old bloga. The portly Danish fellow i met at Bricktops with Rudy Bleu was actually Senior from the the musical group Junior Senior and not Junior as i relayed it. Of course i had no clue as to who he was at the time i was talking to him, someone told me later. I hardly ever recognize anyone who comes to Bricktops as my eyesight is horrible. Thank you to all who email me every week on who's who at the club. I really depend on you.

***

Saturday i had a Cholita reunion at the spacious Mount Washington compound of Alice Bag and "Jailbait" Velasquez. The reason for the get-to-gether was to film a documentary on Cholita's influence as an undergound musical force in LA. The filmmaker is non other then Michele "Meesh" Mills, a former Cholita and one talented and gorgeous lady who created the girl art gang The Epiladies. Meesh's day job is associate producer for the reality TV show, America's Next Top Model starring supermodel Tyra Banks. Meesh is a pop culture affeccionado, so working on TV is a perfect fit for her many and varied talents. They'd be smart to have her create a brand new show or concept---she's one of the most brilliant, clever people i know. It was fantastic seeing all the Cholitas and Vanidades girls again. The elusive Fertile La Toyah Jackson came by with wife Yadi Delicious. Sexy Machaca Kahn told me her 18 year old son is off to NYU Film school. I remember when he was a baby. Also Marina Del Rey, Heidi, keyboard player Melanie and her hubby Tom--- we all hung out for hours after filming drinking Margaritas and just having a hoot of a time---Cholita style.

This note from Michael Lucid of Pretty Things fame.

hey vag!

i read in your blog that you came by the market for a
pupusa visit, and i was gone! indeed, sadly i lost
that job --- as you know, i wasn't the most ardent
pasta salesman, but nonetheless i really miss the job.
at least it's good to know that my replacement is
sporting a very fine bubble butt for all the market to
admire.

i went to the slamdance film festival in january to
screen "mulberry commons," and when i came back, my
pasta boss called me to say "don't bother coming back
to work."
i tried to turn the tables, so i called him back to
say, "actually i'm really busy these days, so i won't
have time to work at the market anymore." i sure
showed him!

now i'm the private tutor for brian wilson's adopted
daughters (ages 6 and 7). what a crazy household! they
have 12 dogs running around their bel aire tract home
mansion. i hope carnie stops by sometime.

it sounds like you have so many projects going on,
that's so great! i hope that funding works out for you
and deadlee.

meanwhile, we're still cranking out the "pretty
things." we're almost done making our DVD of all of
our previous episodes. we even made a documentary
featurette, in which a pair of savvy lady journalists
(played by us) interview the real us.
comedic AND informative!

i really miss our sunday morning pupusa chat fests!

i hope to see you very soon, and i hope that all's
well with you ---

michael

BOOTY WHIPPED
Leave it to Missy LA for a new phenomena. Yes over the years i've noticed two hunky window washers carrying a bucket and large squeegy, one is black, light skinned and very muscular and i've seen him going from store-to-store in the Melrose Avenue Fashion District between Fairfax and LaBrea, cleaning the windows of the tacky store fronts.

Melrose use to be a hip fashion forward street. I even worked at a store called Retail Slut back in the early 1980s. That store was the longest running of the old guard Melrose, but they sadly closed shop recently. I haven't seen the hunky black window washer in a few years, since i hardly ever go in that part of town, but when i did see him he'd be working usually Saturday in the late morning. I couldn't tell if he was homeless or not. Street window washing is usually a homeless person's profession though.

The other hunky window washer is a strawberry blondine, somewhat short(everyone is short to me, because I'm 6'6") and wears a tight tank tops and sprayed on jeans. His juicy bubble butt can barely be contained by the fabric of the pants. He is stunning, with very nice skin, clear eyes and just breathtaking. He doesn't appear to be very approachable though. I've seen him on Hollywood Blvd taking the bus or just walking, and he's caught me staring at him on many occasions and has given me a dirty look, but gosh, when you present your self in such a fashion you can't blame people for staring, ---granted my Cornelius/John Wayne Gacy glare is a bit disturbing. I haven't seen him in over two years, then Magically Friday, with the weather in the 80s, on my way to rehearsal at the Parlour Club via picking up costumes from the dry clearners i saw him washing the windows of the trendy restaurant/bar O-Bar that use to be the Raincheck Room, West Hollywood's only straight bar back in the 70s and early 80s. The bar has gone through many metamorphises, and its latest incarnation seems to be surviving quite nicely. At first i didn't recognize him, as O-Bar has lots of good looking young men who work there, but then it dawned on me that no o-Bar beauty would prostrate himself in such a non-statusy way, and i realized it was the famous blonde bubble butt window washer of yore. He caught me staring at him and gave me the evil hairy eyeball. Its been quite a few years since i've last seen him. He only emerges in the Spring and Summer. I really can't tell how old he is. He could be early 20's or early 30s. I gather he is in his late 20s to early 30s, but gives off a boyishly youthful appearance. This was the first time i actually saw him washing a store window, which surprised me, in that i figured it was just a ruse, and that his main profession was a male prostitute. Of course street prostitution is practicly unheard of these days. The revamping of Santa Monica Blvd and the internet killed it. The only ones you see on the street these days plying their trade, are tranny girls and the blatinos and jubas jubilees on Nigg Alley at the east end of Santa Monica Blvd. I would love to think that he is a window washing hustler. If he is, its a very clever way of presenting oneself in a kinky, humble fashion. When i lived on Sunset Blvd, i'll always remember the clever hookers that would dress like business women in very tight skirt suits with glasses carrying a brief case. Oh and one smart lassy was even wheeling down the strip with a stroller! Very Weimar Berlin.

This boy is so attractive that he could easily be kept by an elderly gentleman, and not have to work a day in his life, so its odd that he is doing this. I know there is a story here. He's too cleancut to be homeless, and doesn't look like a drug addict or any kind of derelict that I've ever encountered. I placed a call to the O-Bar and the man who answered their reservation line, said that the general manager also noticed him, and hired him. He gave me the manager's email, and i've contacted him, and now I'm waiting for a reply. If anyone out their in cyber blogland could give me some information please email my assistant at gleebrevard@aol.com. I'll love you forever. My editor at the LA weekly thinks the story will make a good piece in the Considerable Town section.
***
Last week at Bricktops, the gifted artist Cory Marie began selling the limited edition Bricktops posters she designed. Her cute pal Candice Kim was helping her. The posters feature Madame Bricktops, and they were a bonafide hit.

Madame Bricktop also reunited with her grandson Mr. Uncertain for a wild rock opera salute to their unorthodox relationship. The theme of the evening was Felix the Cat Night, interspecies love. Burlesque ingenue Penny Starr Jr, and her pagan gang of saaphic sisters that included Augusta, punk princess Pleasant Gehman and Christina performed an ancient druid wiccan Spring Equinox ritual that was outlandish and sexy.

The celebs included Miss Buxom herself, Jane Cantillon of Entertainment Tonight, a bevy of Velvet Hammer beauties, Jedediah Smith and his lady love Reoux, photog Carol Sheridan, KXLU's Rev Dan, hunky heiress Andrew Sears, Portland Oregon's The Decemberists, Silverlake artist Vinzula, with Ariel and his pretty wife Pam, handsome Nigerian actor Chiwetel Ejiofer (Dirty Pretty Things and Woody Allen's "Melinda et Melinda) with French screen vixen Ludivine Sagnier of the new movie "La Petite Lili".

This last Friday was Margaret Dumont and the Marx Brothers nite, and our special guest was the divine Mink Stole. Mink was accompanied by the brilliant Kristian Hoffman. Mink is such a trooper, she was suffering from a bad cold, but was still able to belt out the hits in French and German, riviting the crowd of Bricktops kids. She really knows how to take command of a stage. What an electra-fying evening it was. Her many admireres included Ben Taylor (Carly Simon and James Taylor's major Ms. Gorgeous singing son)Mark Simon of Samuel French and The Boyfriend fame, Rudy Blue with Senior or Junior/Senior, Mary Pagone with beau Sasha---they are LA's dreamiest couple, and next week Mary celebrates her 24th birthday. Happy B day honey! The enchanting Melissa Sexchester was turning a lot of male heads with her slinky, sexy self, Sears heir Andrew Sears was also doing his smoldering manliness jaunt through the backroom boydello, and Madame Bricktop got a nice kiss from British hungthrob matinee idol James Purefoy---What a great name!
Shauna Leone was the guest DJ and she played so many exciting 20's songs that kept all the purists in complete glee.
***
Saw the new Queen Latifah movie Beauty Shop. Its actually really cute, for a unabashed mainstream product. I didn't buy the Queen with hunky African, Djimon Housou as her love interest. She seemed better paired with Mena Suvari or a badly miscast Alicia Silverstone as her lovers. Poor Alicia Silverstone. She was great in the movie Clueless, but just hasn't been able to shine in anything else. She was so awful in that movie musical of Shakespeare's Loves Labour Lost. I remember running into Allessandro Nivola and him also agreeing with me that she's the worst actress. I have to get Allessandro and his actress wife Emily Mortimer to do something at Bricktops. They are local kids, living in Echo Park. I just watched, for the second time Allesandro, in the movie of Jane Austin's Mansfield Park and he was excellent.

THE SOGGY SAGA
A nice long emug from Bruce "Judy" LaBruce. Its always facinating hearing from my favorite Canuck.

oh snoody: so much has happened, i scarcely know wherest to begin thusly and thou. i’ve been to europe twice already since xmas, plus argentina last week. i had a retrospective in zagreb, and then i did a photo shoot for tetu in paris. (it’s on the stands now, along with a spread i did in the new tank). argentina was wild. it was the 20th anniversary of the plata del mar film festival, which is kind of like the cannes of the southern hemisphere. except now that argentina is a banana republic again after the economic collapse, it’s a little frayed around the edges. rasp reich was a big hit there – it was named one of the top ten most popular movies out of the 280 features shown. they loved the whole che thing,

[awkward editing of Judy's message because she is involved in a law suit that prohibits the mentioning of the details therein.]

. . . but i’ve been bummed because it’s delayed LA Gangbangers and may disrupt or kill my profits from the movie. wouldn’t you know it. my money karma. the eldest of my three witchly sisters cursed me when i was 20 by telling me i have bad money karma, and it’s held true ever since. anyway, the lawyer is trying to settle out of court. oh i have to mention, when i was in argentina i i noticed in the catalogue that there was a low budget argentinian horror movie playing called Jennifer's Shadow starring... Faye Dunaway! so i said to my cute wrangler i have to go see it or my friend glenn will never forgive me. it was a little disappointing as a movie. i was hoping it would be more like the movies caroll baker was forced to make in europe when she couldn't get work in hollywood anymore - those cheap sexploitation horror movies that we love so much - but faye was amazing, in high mommie dearest gear. it's actually kind of scary to see mommie dearest become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because she looks so much like she did as joan. in the movie, this really awful, whiny american girl named jennifer (who looks kind of like jennifer salt but without the intelligence) returns to argentina to sell the family mansion where her grandmother, faye, lives with her invalid aunt. the whiny actress' twin sister has also died, so she's there to bury her. the movie is too busy referencing other horror movies to have a plot of its own - whatever happened to baby jane (a wheelchair; faye strapping her various female relatives to a bed with leather restraints), rosemary's baby, several dario argento movies, nightmare on elm street, and a variety of hammer horror films, among others. there's also some mumbo jumbo about a crow that faye controls with black magic to rip out the entrails and organs of jennifer while she sleeps, including her kidney, which her doctor tells her has mysteriously disappeared. there's a scary portrait of faye with her arms akimbo on the grand staircase glowering down at everyone. faye isn't in it enough, but she makes the most of the scenes she does have with some unusual line readings and wild eye movements. apparently the movie was made on the cheap but the cinematography is actually quite good and faye looks great. it seems she did it for cheap because she's friends with the american co-producer. i can't imagine it being released in the US, but it is in english so maybe it will turn up on dvd. oh yeah, jennifer keeps calling faye "granny" in this whiny, nasally voice, like she goes, i'm selling the house and there's nothing you can do about it, granny! anyway, back to my problems. i was like a cult star in argentina. i gather that because of the retrospective they did of me in buenos aeries four years ago, i’ve become this kind of fag folk hero there. but now i’m a nobody back in toronto. i was soooo sick in LA. i had some kinda horrible bug i picked up in paris. i just hung out with billy, who was also illy. i was just there to talk to deadlee and see some people for casting and i also went to see him at his acting class. it was intriguing. (his teacher, bobby, who used to be in bikini beach movies, turned up recently on the starlet, the reality tv show with faye dunaway. have you seen it? it’s so scary. faye dunaway is mommie dearest. she says things like “i’m going to be very hard on these girls” (the aspiring starlets, who are all bland as melba moore’s toast), and at the end of every episode, when one girl is eliminated, she goes “don’t call us, we’ll call you” in the same way that she once said “when i asked you to call me that, i wanted you to mean it.”) anyway, if i can’t get the funding for gangbangers i will go mad, because the script is so good and the cast is really funny. the boy that deadlee has for the young male latino gang member, shy boy, is soooo cute and hot and edgy. can’t act worth beans, but who cares? i may have to rob a gas station to fund it. with deadlee. that would look cool in the promotional material. i was also in LA to meet with javier about a show i’m having at his gallery in july, although my gallery career is so terry schiavo right now. i’m off to berlin on saturday. i’m being brought in by cuntswerke and the canadian embassy to talk about the reich, and i think i’m also doing a shoot for attitude cause i need the money. then the Muslim is coming back the day after i return. i haven’t seen him or hardly heard from him since he left in early december, so i’m excited. then i have to go to turin at the end of april to be on the jury of the fag film fest there, also the 20th anniversary, where john waters is the guest of honour. ok that’s it i gotta go rent harmony korine’s movies because i need to brush up because i’m interviewing him at ryerson university on friday night in front of an audience because i feel like it. i am getting laid by my jamaican fuck buddy. and you? xxx blab p.s. please please do not post on your site the part about the che guevera estate lawsuit. my lawyer wants it kept out of the media because he’s trying to settle out of court

***

oh and this little something sent to me from the great Ernest Hardy

If you are an Aries, stand up, survey your kingdom (the world, baby; it's all yours) and demand that which is rightfully yours: All of it. The rest of you mofos: Show the proper reverence, deference, respect and awe. In the words of Lynn Whitfield (as Josephine Baker), "Just love me and do as I say."

***

"Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can anyone deny themselves the pleasure of my company?"
-Zora Neale Hurston

KAPTA KLIEGHORN
Saw a very compeling Portuguese film, "The Talking Picture" by a 90-something year old director. The movie stars Catherine Denueve, Irene Papas and John Malkovich and although i missed the beginning because i was sitting in the wrong theatre for 20 minutes----gawd i hate that the Fairfax Theatre was turned into a cineplex. The entire premise of the film was intriguing and provacative, sort of like a an intellectual travelogue. The Talking Picture is an adequate title, because there is a lot of dialogue and very little action----being a wordsmythe that is my favorite type of motionpicture. Loved how the leads speak in French, Greek, Portuguese and Italian.

Also saw the new Woody Allen flick, "Melinda et Melinda" that stars Chloe Sivigny, that cute and cuddly British stud Jonny Lee Miller(doing a great American accent), Radha Mitchell, and comedian Will Farrell nicely substituting for Allen himself. Certainly one of the Wooders best in a string of very bad pics he's done lately. Its always an event seeing a Woody Allen moving picture, so i really can't fault him in any way, other then bedding his step daughter Soon Yi Previn, and hurting ex-girliefriend Mia Farrow.

He's still presenting an imaginary New York, bathed in a lovely Vilmos Zsigmund glow---of course Woody Allen's Man!hattan has absolutely no relavance to the modern world, but i kind of like that. He has his formula and he sticks right to it,to the bitter end, no matter what. You gotta give it to him for that.

Had high tea at movement artist and actress Jean Spinosa's Russian Quarter compound. Jean is a recent San Francisco transplant and a member of the Moveable Feast. What a sweet, delightful girl. We had a wonderous time together, and i sometimes forget how important it is to just socialize, i need to allow more time for that. Now that I'm being courted by a lot of European performance art festivals to create pieces, I've just been so careerist dyke oriented, which is unlike me. Its important to re-arrange my schedule to spend quality moments with young, creative artists like Jean who are so inspirational.

ADDENDUM PARA VALINDA
Oh i forgot to give a shout out to Buttons Sinclair for his expert taxi dancing at Friday's Brickops Gertrude Stein celebration. By day Buttons is an art historian, and at night he turns into a libertine and sex demi-god.

***

Been housesitting at a lovely compound in the Los Feliz area. So nice to have space, space and more space. Life in Los Angeles is becoming very difficult with no affordable housing. There was a time that you didn't feel so downtrodden when you could at least have a genuinely nice, spacious apartment. Those days are over.
Sara of Rizzo told me Friday she was kicked out of three apartments because of gentrification. Talking to her made me feel a little better about my predicament, but it doesn't change the scope of things.

***

Was walking from Silverlake back to Los Feliz near Circus of Hooks when this icky little man started following me. At first i thought he was trying to mug me, but it turns out he was just cruising me. Why is it that the only ardent suitors i ever get are grossly unattractive, five foot nothings with hoves for feet? Can you answer that one for me eh?

***

Saturday i went to see the first part of this Italian epic that is set in the period of the 1960s to the present. The movie is called "Best of Youth" which is a very bad translation. The picture is only playing at the Laemmle Royal Theatre in West Los Angeles. What a trek it was to go there, but i was feeling like being someplace else, though whenever i go to the Westside i always regret it. Its as if i'm hoping that the area will change and become more interesting, but it never does. The bus ride back was really bleak. It seemed like every other person on the bus smelled odiously and was talking to themselves, and the other half were all on cell phones talking really loud. Why is it that when people have mobiles they force everyone to listen in on their banal conversation? Thanks god i'll have a mobile phone. Not that i could afford one, but i've seen homeless people with them, so maybe they aren't that expensive anymore. It doesn't matter, they are too tacky for words.

Sunday i went to the Farmers Market on Ivar to get my papusa on. Got to check out the sizzling East Asian bubble butt boy who has taken Michael Lucid's place at the pasta stand. Ran into Sara Catania who use to be a staff writer for the LA Weekly, and her lovely children. Sara was unceremoniously dumped from her job. She was too good of a writer to be stuck at the LA Bleekly anyway, that paper is going downhill fast, though i did like Libby Molyneaux cover story hanging out at the pay to play palace The Whiskey a-go-go. That Libby is a hoot. Also ran into my ole drinking buddy from the good ole days, Kim Jones who use to go out with Anthony Kiedes of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Kim is a mom and elementary school teacher. She still works for the Weekly part-time in the calendar section and is as bubbly as ever. Her son Bella is now 15 years old, which i find hard to believe. I remember when the child was born. His father Monty Messex was once one of the most amazing punk rock boy beauties to ever walk the streets of Melrose Avenue, when he worked at Flip's of Hollywood. Boy was i ever in love with Monty Messex. His brother Mike was good looking too, but in a much more normal, traditional way, whereas Monty's beauty was more quirky and appealing to me. Monty use to go out with Valerie Vaughn, and they were the first gorgousity couple of Melrose, the envy of everyone who looked upon them. Valerie worked at Poseur with Ron Athey and I worked at Retail Slut in those heady days of the early 1980s. That Valerie use to work some amazing punk looks, that no one else could possibly pull off. She use to do this lavender blonde look, ala Kim Novak and wear matching lavender or heliotrope clothing, and with her beautiful pale skin and thin frame it was quite a look.

TENDER BUTTONS
That sexy Jewish Lesbian pholksinger Phranc took over Bricktops for our Gertrude Stein salute bringing her Phranc'N'Stein literary/musical tribute to the children who need it so. Assisting the handsome and stunning Phranc was a power band of superstar women headed by the wonderful Jodie of Team Dresche/Hazel fame, the shimmering Tamala of Longstocking and bubbly cutie pie Sara of Rizzo. The crowd was mezmerized. Phranc & Company are towers of talent and creativity. The faithful in attendence included buxom high priestess of splendor, one of LA's first 100 punks, Miss Jane Cantillon who in her day time hours is a top notch TV producer with Entertainment Tonight. Jane just finished working on a documentary on elderly gay gentlemen from the showbiz arena, she took time off from ET just to fan her creative impulses----we love Missy Jane, she's a top Bricktop supporter and is always there for hostess Vaginal Davis when she is in need, which is constantly. Punk legend and beauty prize, Alice Bag was also on hand to support Phranc. Alice brought her favorite accessory, her young, well endowed husband, "Jailbait" Velasquez. In town from New York was Richie Rich and his Heatherette crew, who stopped in to bask in the Bricktop brilliance, before their chore duties at Jason Lavitt/Joseph Brooks' Atomic Club at Arena. Atomic is the latest venture from those masterminds who singlehandedly provide daycare services for the suburban and Xurbian crowd. God love 'em! The Moveable Feast salon was in full force with core members Mary & Sasha, the best dressed couple in all of Los Angeles holding court, Melissa Sexchester, Jean Spinosa, sweet Cory Marie, and Shauna Leone. After Bricktops the entire gang went to eat at Yukon Mining Company to watch the tranny pre-Easter Parade. What a show!!! Special thanks to Miss Mary for treating everyone to a hearty greasy spoon breakfast. That Mary is so generous and lovely.

***

The other day i saw the documentary film Gunner's Palace about the soldier boys in Iraq. Some of those young kids sure were hot. I'm more then willing to do my patriotic duty and fellate all our boys in the armed services. Those selfless young men need to get their gnut, and I'm here to provide them with proper release. I'm a big history buff and got a real kick out of seeing the French movie Monsiur N. about Napolean's exile on St. Helene, the performances are dazzling, and the film is sumpteous beyong compare. I dare you to see it.

***
Warning! Warning! I'm being gentrified out of another apartment. After the debacle i experienced with my gorgeous Koreatown compound a few years back, I'm sad to report that my Hollywood Blvd corridor apartment may be taken away from me. I've been in this tiny bachlorette for two years, and at the end of last summer the owner Susan and her gay husband got a divorce. Susan ran the eatery, The Last Capucino Before the 101. She had to leave that space on Franklin, and moved into the former Pedro's Grill which became The Hollywood Hills Cafe. She owned my apartment and sold it, and the new owners are trying to force everyone out so that they can bulk up the rents. Now can you understand why i want to leave Los Ang for good. I just can't take this anymore. I'll never own property in my life, and unless you can afford to own the place you live, you won't be able to have affordable housing. As it is i live in a tiny space, and have to rent an office in MacArthur Park for my art studio just to be able to work in. Pretty soon only investment bankers will be able to afford to live in Los Angeles.

THE HUMAN POMEDY
Went to the farmers market on Ivar Sunday. Michael Lucid of the Pretty Things isn't working the pasta stand anymore. He's been replaced by this hot bubble butt east asian boy, who is quite a looker. As i was standing in line for Papusas, several customers asked the beautiful asian about Michael. I love checking out all the sexy young fathers with babies in strollers at the market. I wouldn't mind fellating a few of them. I'm not very subtle when it comes to cruising. My Cornelius hairy eyeballss always betray me. Had to leave the market early to clean my art studio as i was having a visit from young pretty, and talented Cory Marie Podielski, one of the Bricktop kids. We had a lovely time together. Cory first saw me open up for Le Tigre at The Smell, and then later with the Future Bible Heroes at the Troubadour. She is part of a salon that meets every other week called The Moveable Feast, that was started by Remy aka: Jeremy, the poet with the William Blake tat. The groups gets together to share their art, and vision for the future, and the members include Shauna Leone, Jean Spinosa, Mary & Sasha, Jebediah Smith, Melissa Sexchester and i know i'm forgetting some of the other kids in the group, so please forgive me, I've got Junior Alzheimers. My main goal from doing Bricktops was for movements to be started and nurtured and it makes by black heart beam that this is happening in a major way. All these bright young things---- keeps grandma alive and kickin'

Tuesday i have brunch with Cesar Vega, the latin hungthrob. He is getting ready to go back to South America, where he met a young doctor lady and is involved in a fiery romance. Cesar is such a booty pie. I'm glad he's found a little lovin for his oven. Now why can't Ms. Davis get a little itchin in her kitchen? Well I'm sure i'll find some bones ripe for picking in Manchester.

NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A MOVIE WITH MADONNA IN IT
Marlou De'Luna and Hal Marinas took me out to dinner Saturday for a belated birthday celebration at Cafe Stella in Silverlake proper. Marlou and i have known each other since the fourth grade when she first came to America straight off the boat from the Filipines. Now she's a high powered lawyer working for the state of California, and her husband Hal is a big shot corporate attorney. Marlour is a top notch power bitch, and she wears that title with pride. She also has a wicked sense of humour, and keeps me barreled over in laughs. So it goes to show you that i just don't hang around with other nutty artists all the time. Dinner was lovely, and Cafe Stella was hopping with a klatch of well known people eating around us. I won't bother naming them as they should be able to afford some sense of privacy, don't you think?

Friday at Bricktops was our Carole Lombard salute and Kristi Callan who use to be in the paisley underground band Wednesday Week performed along with Kristian Hoffman. Kristi looked very pretty in a bejewelled gown that she borrowed from her movie star mother. She sang "The Lullaby of Broadway" "The Blvd of Broken Dreams" and a gorgeous Kristian Hoffman original composition. For those kids too young to remember the Paisley Underground was a confection of bands in the early 80s that were neo-pyschedelic in nature---Green on Red, The Rain Parade, Salvation Army who later became The Three O'Clock with Michael Quercio and the most popular group from that clique The Bangles. Having Kristi perform was like bringing back my youth as i spent a lot of time in clubs watching her perform with her sister in Wednesday Week. It was wonderful having her bring her sophistication, talent and charm to Bricktops.

My spies let me know this morning that roving through the club on Friday was Aurore Clement who is going to be one of the stars in Sophia Coppollas new Marie Antoinette film, also the scintillating Abby Travis with her handsome new beau, was turning many a head.

Lots of visitors from New York, Europe and South Carolina of all places, as the fame of Bricktops continues to spread throughout the known world. I was flirting with Brandon Flowers of the hot new rock band, The Killers in the DJ booth, but of course i didn't even know who he was, someone told me later----i should have pulled down his pants to see what kind of animal he was hiding. The Bricktops regulars in attendence included Buttons Sinclair, and the talented Miss Cory Podielski, who designed an incredible Bricktops poster that we will begin selling officially on March 25th. It will cost $10.00 and be a collectors item as only a few be made--hey don't i conjugate my black verbs well?

The Parlour Club owner, Lenny the Young Elder was chaperoning his cute young cousin Nikki, from Indiana. Nikki is a sweet lass who looks like the Brazillian model Gisele with curves galore and ultra dangerous beauty.

MOTHER KUSTERS GOES TO HEAVEN
Brigitte Mira, the German actress and singer who was in many Fassbinder films died at age 94. She was the star of Ali: Fear Eats the Soul, in which she played a horny widow who falls in love with an Arab immigrant. She was also in Fox and his Friends (1975) Berlin Alexanderplatz(1980) and Lilli Marleen (1981)

***
I should just give in and have sex with Sergey Brin, he's young, riche---a billionaire with the search engine Google and he is very desireth of my giant race horse arse. I feel no sparks when i'm with him, but who needs sparks when the man is loaded. Being with him could be the answer to all of my financial woes, but somehow i just can't go there. More on this subject later.

That bland band Maroon5 use to be called Kara's Flowers and they played at my sunday punk rock beer bust Club Sucker back in the late 90s. I remember they were very young and very cute, with a tired grunge sound, and i even made them all undress and i sucked their toes on stage. The lead singer is named Adam Levine, and someone from his record company emailed me to put him on the guest list at Bricktops 2nite. Well he can pay $5.00 just like anyone else. Gosh like he can't afford it, didn't he just win a goddamn undeserved grammy? Oh don't pay any attention to me, I'm feeling in a bitchy mood.

LA CAMISA DE LA POMPADOUR
O bricktops darling. you are the best, and when you add to the mix the sultry stylings of mulholland drive beauty Rebekah del rio----its an extroidinary combustive combination. Rebekah and her handsome classical guitar accompanyist dazzled the audience. Rebekah's voice is one of the 140 wonders of the known world and anti world. She posseses a timbre and clear tone that is expressive and dynamic, honey pure and emotive with all the proper shadings swirling in full da!whent. And what a glorious crowd in attendance with some fancy dressers and underground luminaries like the lucious and buxom first lady of harsh Lydia Lunch, and David J of Bauhaus, the handsome ginger O'Shea, fashion plates bontempt Shauna Leone and Miss Cory, who presented Madame Bricktops with a gorgeous present of her own design a poster done in the Beaux Arts style that was resplendid. These posters need to be seen all over Los Angeles. Thanks you so much Cory! you are divine.

***
Me and my junior alzheimer's! How could i forget to mention that David Lynch himself was in the audience watching his muse Rebekah sparkle, sparkle, sparkle and a dashing Johnny Depp and Vanessa Parede. Johnny should do a film version of the life of drug addicted silent screen star Wallace Reid. O and rock star Josh Homme of Queens of the the Stone Age was holding court in the backroom boydello lounge with a gaggle of cute young, gay acolytes. Is having an entourage of ganymede twinkies the new trend for straight rockers?

UNIVERSAL STOCK & BOND PROTECTORATE
This little note came to me while i was in England from the mega talented music, art and film critic Ernest Hardy. The man is a prophet so heed him i beg of you.

Missy LA is currently the nigger-bitch locus of a golden shower orgy
populated with beer-soaked moneyed-but-still-white trash Republicans...
they're just drenching the poor child with malicious glee.

L’EXP’ERIENCE INTE’RIEURE

Came back from the UK on Friday. Beat on a face in the ladies room of the plane and rushed to Bricktops upon landing, courtesy of sexy Parlour Club general mgr Andrew of Gould. The theme at Bricktops was Andre’ Breton and our special guests came all the way from Switzerland, the duo en vogue Frankie & Tony which included Hermeto Ze’ Maria and Charles Fish. All the Swiss expats of Los Angeles were in attendance. I didn’t know LA had so many Swiss people. Well I should have known as my best girlfriend Ron Athey has a hot butch realness Swiss lover named Maxmillian and I’ve collaborated on film projects with sizzling Zurich cineaste Cyril Kuhn. So many adorable cuties in the audience, including bubble butt Swiss girleen Reynault, the director of downtown LA’s The Project art gallery who brought out Frankie & Tony as part of their latest exhibition.. Wow Wow and more wow. My good friend Daniela Romana aka Daniel Hendrickson of Berlin Germany’s famous Cheap Collective was visiting with his pal David Pendleton of UCLA’s Film Archive. Daniela is such a power top that he is known for sending his lovers from the bedroom to the emergency room in one fell swoop of his giant genitalia. Daniela and I make a date for early in the week where he’ll plug me in to all the Deutchland gossip and we’ll talk about him bringing me back to Berlin to work on this new project at the H.O.W.L. Art Center which I hope will lead to my finally being able to leave Los Angeles for good. Its not that I hate Los Ang, its just that its time to move on, don’t you think?

***

Received a bunch of emails from readers of this very blog asking me more about the National Review of Live Art in Glasgow. Well the NRLA is produced by New Moves International as part of New Territories. What that means exactly i can't tell you, but i do know they get their funding from the Arts Council of England, The Scottish Arts Council and the Glasgow City Council. Why is it that as an American artist i can only get funded in Europe? I have never gotten one dime in grants from the states.

o and to clarify, DJ iPek of Berlin's Salon Orientale, the cute dagger Turkish DJ from the Gayhane party circuit helped me DJ during the NRLA closing night festivities playing her potent mix of Desi-wood, Buka, Nu-Oriental and Asian Arabesque.

***
My performance at the Courtauld Art Institute was packed to the gils. SRO all the way. I closed the series and it was the most well attended of the lot. I love the Courtauld! Especially the library where i checked my emails for free during most of my London stay. So many luminaries in attendance, Franko B, Kira O'Reilly, Oron Catts, Lee Sexmutant, Stuart Comer of the Tate Modern, some big wigs from the Hayworth Gallery, Vivid Astro Focus, Gordie Agar of the Guardian----the list was endless. i was nervous as usual, but showing my experimental short subjects really enthused the audience. Its funny how even the old material from 20 plus years ago, doesn't seem dated in the least. The after party wine social was also jamm packed with so many cuties. Didn't lead to a sex date, but i wasn't expecting that. Dom took me and an entourage of 20 plus to this Turkish restaurant where i filled up on food and vino.

The cold weather isn't bothering me as much as i thought it would. Now that all my public responsibilities are over, i'm relaxing a bit more and enjoying London for what its worth. The Chariots sauna is in walking distance to my flat. The last time i went there i had an awful time. Everyone was butt fugly. Well i have to report that not much has changed except they did refurbish the place a bit, but its still as drafty as i last remember it. England is known for men that are either drop dead gorgeous with beautiful pale skin, haunting full lips and fiery libidos or the men are apple dolls with cloven hoofs---nothing inbetween in the UK. At Chariots a lot of the men are sporting that trendy Carol Burnett as rocker hair which isn't exactly attractive if you're over 35 and the other boys are still working that sad faux hawk crossed with a mullet coif that i wish would die a thousand deaths. Ran into girlfriend Paul King at the sauna. He was able to snag the only beauty on the premises a child that looked no older then 18. You get it Mz. Coretta Paul King!

London just isn't glamorous enough anymore. I went to this event for streetwalkers where Marisa Carnesky performed and though it was billed as a burlesque nite, no one really excited me except Marisa who looked very juicy in a Nicola Bowery shimmer. Marisa also had me over for a lucious high tea party at her new flat that she owns that looks like a bit of Miami in Hackney.
My first birthday party outside of the US was a splendid affair. Wolfgang Tillmans brought his sexy Danish beau Anders and showered me with gifts. So did Franko B & Kristofer, model Rep Joshua of CLM, Andrea Novarin, the lovel camel, and big bonny Chris, Andrew of Gould's English ex-lover. Dom cooked a delicious vegan meal and the frivolities lasted into the wee hours. I retired before the guests.
Went to the leather bar, The Hoist for the first time. I doodled with a few fools, but nothing really serious as English kinks just aren't kinky enough for me. There were a lot of Tarzans who talked like Jane of the Jungle. I finally was able to get my proverbial gnut at the Pleasuredrone below Waterloo station. The minute i walked in i was attacked by five men who proceeded to ravish me with lack jawed servicing, then i did a john rechy style numbers with first a franco/italiano, a german blondine who has spent too much time in America, a Dutch boy and a Greek passive.
The other London highlight was a lecture given by black Irish beauty Kira O'Reilly where the lame drama students tried to devalue her work. Kira was stylish and lovely in every aspect of her presentation, and handled herself quite well. Franko came to her defense and attacked the students with a pit bull style bite that silenced them with shame at their utter stupidity. You haven't earned your weight in gold dustrine until you've been barked at and assaulted by the geniustrata of Franko b. I've begun to learn that all the programmers and festival directors also earn their stripes from a chewing out by Mr. B.

My last night was spent watching Franko dj a set at the old free mason building that has been turned into a hauty hotel. Chatted with a few kute kids and met Dom's ex, a striking Italio of 21 years with a huge willis poking through his pants who now is enamored with the hotel's posh owner. All week it has been snowing lightly, which makes me want it to either go full hog or clear the hell out. Of course on my last day riding the mini cab to Victoria Station the city is covered in cocaine.

BONNY BANKS
The closing night party of the NATIONAL REVIEW OF LIVE ART and i beat on a fine face, and when i arrive a huge throng is waiting for me to begin. Talk about pressure. Mark the tech guy is a little perturbed by me. The other day i told him i wanted to change the location, not realizing he would work on it so promptly, well after sleeping on it, i decided the original location was best for my performance and dj set. its a woman's perogative to change her feral mind. needless to say i wasn't his favourite person.

i'm so use to U.S. tech people who wait till the very last minute if they do it at all. They are definately more on the ball in Scotland. i start off playing a mix of rock songs ala my days behind the spinderella wheels of steel at club sucker. i'm not use to spinning this material as for the last two years i've only dj'd 20s music. but the crowd seems to be enjoying themselves and loosening up. i'm wearing my rick owens special so i'm looking appropriately coiffed and styled---thank god it all came together quickly. The nrla has been as dry as burnt toast, so everyone is finally kicking off their knickers during my hosting and dj set. it seems like i was what everyone was hoping for.

lots of love connections are being made. The party starts early at 8pm and around 10pm i do a segment from my new piece orifice descending that goes over very well. i use dominic johnson and kris canavan as living breathing sculpture lined up behind my crazed antics. dom and kris are perfect and the crowd enjoys it. i continue dj-ing until 3am. i even get a little knookie from this hot lean and mean glaswegian boy who comes into the dj booth and lifts my skirt and commenses to toss my garden salad, whispering to me, "lets leave". i'm the hostess so i can't just take off with this hunk, but i'm certainly tempted. i feel him up and he has one hell of a hard body and beautiful big soulful eyes, a shaved head and strong features that are utterly divine. i have an assortment of erotic tinged videos displayed as atmosphere and everyone eats them up. The visuals certainly help everyone display their hornriffic ways. of course nicki, the director of the festival censors me. i'm in a good mood, or else there would have been hell to pay. people have seen enough of my sexy imagery, and they are all fraternizing and having a hell of a time. my mission is complete. Tomorrow off to london via a long boring train ride.

LONDON SPALLING
Dom takes me to the George and the Dragon a trendy pub in the Short Ditch area where he lives around Arnold Circus. i call this ShortDitch district, Short Bread and nearby Brick Lane--Crick Lane. Ran into Fred of the former Milch Gallery who bought us a round of drinks. he tells me that Bernal died. Bernal was a cute English boy who performed in Jennifer Blowdryer's Smut Fest back in 1996 at the Schmidt Theatre in Hamburg. Bernal was quite the slut, going to the saunas and Tom's Bar every night while he was performing. One evening he brought back a double barreled Brazillian who also wanted to make it with me and Crepe Suzette, who was in Hamburg performing with me.

London is colder than Glasgow, and it should be the other way around. I'm freezing! My southern california wear doesn't seem to block out the wind and chill factor. oh welp, i knew i wasn't going to palm beach.

Dominic's flat is really cute, cozy and charming. he is really taking care of me, the way i needed to be tended. i'm really very helpless. i don't know my way around the city as i have the worse sense of direction imaginable. We spend the night over at Franko B and his young lover kristofer canavan's house. kris makes a delicious lite meal and Franko does some dj mixing from his lap top. Franko is becoming a top ranking uk DJ---he can do it all. Franko is such a sweatie, its because of him that i got the nrla gig---he takes care of his girls.

DEVONSHIRE DOWNS
The last days of the NRLA festival in Scotland---Franko presented an open salon which really picked up a lot of steam. Richard Dedomenici is a scruffy, funny little man who made a hilarious presentation along with Ange Taggert who works with a collective that do a lot of filmed actions. Richard showed himself involved in a loopy piece on the streets of Chicago that was wild, inventive and spontaneous. Europeans can get away with double homocide in America, we always find their accents so charming. Also Chris Barton presented documentation of his work with the Artists in Residence Young Offenders Institution, which featured his baked excrement sculptures. Ms. Taggert and her group involve themselves with such stirling projects as: Cleaning Up After Capitalism, where they go into places like Starbucks with a Vaccuum cleaner and start cleaning. Almost immediately they are asked to leave, but at Barclay's Bank no one even notices. They even have presented these actions outdoors cleaning tram tracks. oh and one project involved a fake business called my dad's strip club. i've always felt it was important to get art out to people on the streets and these young artists are really doing that with gusto and clever art strategies and system interventions. unfortunately they run into resistence in shopping centers, where dialogue that interrupts customer spending isn't tolerated. in an action piece called War Against Shopping, it was hilarious how really young kids responded favorably and were willing to participate and be a part of the parodic pranks.

honey baby i'm all for creating more actions, and really going for that corporate jugular and attacking their profit margins. Regular forms of protest just don't work. no one pays attentions to marches, you've got to device new ways of sticking it to the man, and changing corporate logos like coca cola to Coca Colon, and going into supermarkets and breaking out in a ritualistic worship of the products on display----praying to Whiskers Catfood and asking people on the street---What is the best company to run IraQ?----Mcdonalds or Virgen Airles. now that is my cup of camomille tea.

i'm feeling low energy so i have to report on my performance piece and DJ set at the closing party a little later

LOCH LOMAND
The NRLA at the Arches, Saturday the 12th. for some strange reason i have not been able to get a good nite sleep. i usually never suffer such intense jet lag. my sleep friday night was the best so far, but still underwhelming. There is a lot to report about being at the new moves festival, but i'm not in a very clear space, so please bear daddy with me. Saturday's highlight was a nice lecture/discussion between franko and ron athey that was packed to the high rafters and was very exciting. Ron was his regular fatherly self charming and delighting and he and franko are such brothers that their interaction was very cute together and a lot of issues were raised. Ron really articulated the NEA scandal and his latest with the UCLA class he taught that has become an international cause celebre. everyone here in europe seemed to know about it. of course i almost missed it because the queue was so long at the door. also loved a peace from the art collective Breath where you enter this tiny environment and are presented with a gift of wondermint. of course my tall lady self didn't quite fit in the pitch tent, and my arthritic kneebows started to ache, but sometimes you just have to give yourself up to the art process.
saw two dance pieces one by Jerome Bell who is very popular--was packed. i loved some of the movements and the naked man in the piece had a very powerful built, but with my lack of sleep i just couldn't handle something that methodical. it was lulling me into a deep sleep. and the space wasn't the best for what was being presented.
Michele Murray's dance company was too schitzo for me. one black dancer had the worst body i've ever seen on a black person. no butt and skinny shriveled legs, and he had major bitch titties. is he taking hormones? and then there was a pony tail queen, i wanted to cut that thing off. some of the girls had interesting faces but with this particular piece either be completely avant garde like jerome bell and remake the vocabulary or stick to those stuccato modern dance moves of yore. you can't mix and match. it doesn't work, oh and the music---modern music like the chemical brothers and techno crap-----snore city. there shouldn't have been any music like mr. bell's piece. also saw some cute video installations and a humourous sound installation with a nelly boy going through a strange lament. monday i'm off for london. hooboostooboo

YOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
i'm at an internet cafe on st. vicente's street. took a long walk around the city center so that i could see some other people besides artists, presenters and that ilken. lots of very tall ginger boys and bubble butt pale skinned beauties. how i'm going to lure them in to my sex net is another story. . .
Franko was warning me the other day that on the weekends i'd better beware of the hooligans who like attacking ladymen who are bigger then them, becuase it gives them credibility as a street thugette. so far i haven't run into that but i still have a few days to go.
on the first day franko presented a beautifully stunning piece called "Still life" with his living bleeding body situated on a glow warm bed of angel light. the crowd was mesmerized---that franko is a genius at creating an engrossing and powerfully laden image. my favorite part was his re-positioning from repose to doggie then papusa style and then he gracefully walked away with leaving an invisible gown trail.
yesterday i took part in kira's piece which is a one-on-one. you're given a scalpel to mark her body with. very brave of her to share herself in this way. i didn't mutilate her but just gave her pounds and pounds of love affection and gifts, and sang to her. a very sweet exchange. i'm always inspired by miss kira.
i have to return to the hotel and get ready for today's events so i'll come back and write down some more thoughtas later. forgive my spelling and grammer but i just can't get that part of this writing process together.
kalema kalesh!

MY ONE AND ONLY HIGHLAND FLING
Been in Glasgow now for three days---what a whirl! my plane from los ang had elderly ingenue Selma Blair with Guy Oseary of madge's maverick label. i didn't know they were an item.
cute colin-richardson-webb, the NRLA general mgr picked me up from the aeroport. on my plane was the grand madame of performance, the one and only linda m. montano, along with dapper art critic Robert Airs. i worship ms. montano. my movie costumer girlfriend Crepe Suzette worked with her during her Red period of living art. linda is a treasure and so dear. What a highlight meeting her and riding in the taxi to our hotel ibis, which is a little low rent, but i have a nice shower and full sized bed, so i'm not complaining, plus there is a free breakfast, and since i'm low on funds i have to stuff myself and make it last all day.
Franko B. and Ron are already here plus Franko's beau, adorable kristofer who is now sporting a full head of lush hair, super post modern intellect Dominic Johnson, handsome Manuel Vason, and the delightfully stunning beauty that is Kira O'Reilly. Daddy Athey takes me to tea at the famous Willow Tea room designed by famed architec CR Mackintosh. Mackintosh is a fluffier architectual version of Frank Lloyd Wright. We were served by a nice potato apple doll lady and her tight bodied young son with peaches n cream complexion. The NRLA at the Arches across fromt he grand central train station is wonderous. Imagine, a performance event held in a catacombe. The new moves festival is like a performance art convention. its unlike anything i've ever been a part of. its a little on the dry side, but i'm enjoying reuniting with people i've met in the euro performance art scene. linda montano's cute editor of her new book Jenny Klein is like a baby Annie Sprinkle with red bright hair and pre-raphelite skin. We've really hit it off and i love how she takes care of Linda. She teaches at a university in Ohio and wants to bring me out there. i love ohio and those kornfed boys and appalachian hill jacks. one of the performance installations i see is from anne seagrave of france who has a tight male-ish body, like a wound, like a gash, a mixture of hannah from osseaus labrynth with a little bit of la ribot thrown in for good measurita. i liked Canadian Alexis o'hara. she was cute and bubbly in that Canuck fashion i cherish. her piece started off really strong, then veered into laurie anderson as stand-up commedienne territory. of course i was exhausted from my lack of sleep and inability to adjust to the time change, so my meter for everything was a bit off.

met festival director nikki milican who reminds me of hanna hurtzig from berlin's volksbrunner. all the artists are big networking queens, i don't get any sexual vibes from them, so i don't think i'll be getting my proverbial gnut in this city. i had no idea there would be so many presenters, programmers, festival directors and the like in attendance.

The audience is made up mostly of other artists, students and academes, not exactly crossover appeal. just preaching to the subflirted. my arthritis is kicking into high gear, so i'm going to have to continue this report later. hiyawatha!

SIMPLE MAN

THE NOMI SONG, MORE THEN A MOVIE FOR LITTLE GIRLY BOYS GROWING UP

As a young F.I.T. (Fag-In-Training) one of the most cherished, hallowed, inspirational moments that flushed throughout my entire late 1970's being, occured while watching Saturday Night Live. I usually went to bed around 9:30 whether it was a school night or not, since I was a devout member of the Jehovah's Witness sect, and arose early Sunday mornings for proselatyzing door-to-door and on the highways and byways of my South Central Los Angeles neighborhood.

David Bowie however was making a well publicized, rare appearance on SNL, and though i wasn't a big fan of his, i was curious how he’d look on our ancient Emerson black&white monitor, with the limited reception factor of only being able to view channels 4, 5 and 7.

According to negro urban legend of the period, the freaky Bowie had recently emerged from the hospital with his stomach pumped because of swallowing a pint load of Rod Stewart's ejaculate. My mother was already sound asleep so i crept into the living room and kept the sound down low to watch the ensuing brouhaha unfold. To my utter amazement la Bowie in a copycat Tristan Zara was flanked by two exotic looking men in elaborate make-up wearing dour frocks. One of the men i recognized from the LA local disco scene that centered around the Circus and Ginos II dance clubs. On Bowie’s left the popular Chicano queen Joey Arias who had made a name for himself by moving to New York, and was working at the uber trendy clothing hot spot Fiorucci.

The other back-up singer on Bowie’s right really caught my youthful eye. His robotlike movements and high C Susie singing voice made him much more compelling to me then Bowie, who was already at that time a huge international star. The next day after field service and theocratic ministry school I made it a point to call some pen pals of mine who lived in New York and milk them for information. My two Manhattan friends were infamous teenage boy sluts who were familiar with Klaus Nomi, but knew very little about him other then his name. The damage was already done. Soon i would be living full-time in drag in Hollywood, leaving behind my religious life and becoming immersed in the disco, punk and new wave scenes.

So what a revelation that at last there is a documentary film about the legendary Klaus Nomi. "The Nomi Song" a beautiful and compelling film by Andrew Horn, an American who has lived for decades in Berlin Germany. A country that Nomi left in 1974 to seek fame and fortune in New York City. And a country that I am desperately trying to leave Los Angeles for.

Klaus Nomi---the ultimate misnomer of the downtown New York demimonde. This film while keeping the mystery of Klaus Nomi intact is also able expand on the Nomi mythology. I'm certainly not the first fey boy to be influenced by Nomi's well crafted image. I certainly wished I had his singing skills and chops. When he made his debut appearance in a New Wave Vaudeville Review it became one of those defining moments that cemented an emerging art movement. Klaus Nomi was born camera ready for the MTV video era. Before I made a feeble attempt to move to New York in the early 80s, Nomi was on the verge of a global takeover, then suddenly he became one of the first well known artists to succomb to the ravages of Mrs. A.I.D.S. then only known as the gay cancer.

This extroidinary documentary does capture an exciting period with some never before seen archival footage and devastingly lovely, poignent moments. I never met Klaus Nomi but he is certainly one of my idols and outsider art forefathers. I wish I had a chance to experience his magic first hand, but perhaps its just as well that years later I’ve become friends with many who were a major part of his life, like the divine Ann Magnusen or the immensely talented Kristian Hoffman whose career in The Mumps, The Contortions and The Swinging Madisons I followed faithfully, and who I had a major crush on. I knew Hoffman worked with Klaus Nomi but I didn’t know that Kristian wrote some of Klaus Nomi’s songs and in true record industry fashion was ripped off by never being paid for them.

The Demon of Endor spirit that was Klaus Nomi lives on with a new generation who are now discovering his genius and in performers like Antony and the Johnson’s who are his falsetto singing, operetta children of the corn.

LET THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN
My Carter Family Tribute nite at Bricktops was a smashing success. Thank you Miss Miriam Jacobsen for writing the hot pick of the week blurb. Glen Meadmore introduced a brand new ditty and everyone in attendance was feeling very open and randy. Lots of juicy underground stars, the best the world has to offer in the form of the legendary rock goddess Miss Jayne County, who is in town looking delicious, and will be DJ-ing a fierce set at Club Screwball at the Parlour on Tuesday. Screwball is Prickle's nite with Don Bolles of the Germs and his lady faire, Darcy Leonard. That should be really hot. Too bad i'll be in the UK performing in Glasgow, Scotland for the National Review of Live Art's New Moves Festival, then on to London where i'll lecture/screen some of my trespass cinema collection at the prestigious Courtauld Institute of Art. I'm so god damn highbrow i don't know what to do with myself.

While I'm away various guests will take over in the hosting department so check the web page under New/News to see what's up during the rest of the month of February. Lots of great performers like cutie pie Creekbird, La sexie Poubelle Twins and Frankie and Tony who hail all the way from Zurich, Switzerland.
Getting back to Friday at Bricktops. Miss Lydia Lunch, the first lady of harsh was also in attendance. She will be performing a scorching set of material on Feb 24th, at the Parlour so mark that down on your calenderia. Of course all this good stuff happens while I'm away. Abby Travis stopped by looking quite perfecta with new beau, who i fixed her up with. I'm such the matchmaker for everyone but myself. Bryan Rabin was the escort for Ms. County and i love Bryan's handsome man look. Also chainmail designer Michael Schmidt was in the house giving glamour like no one else can. The cities best dressed and most exciting couple, Sasha and Mary were looking very grand ole opry. Everyone loves them, and they know how to properly soak in the allure, splendour and pagentry of dressing up. More people need to take their example of how to properly go on the town.

Bricky regulars Shauna Leone, Ming Ma and shirtless Jon Quale were also looking very stylish and elegant.

It was also nice to see Ricky Castro, the co-director of Hustler White with Bruce La Bruce, and his own Plushy/Furry film. Rick has a new photo book out that is graceful and beautiful,published by Mark Harvey. Rick and I go way back, and use to collaborate together on so many projects. We both have strong, dominant, forcefull personalities, so unfortunately we cancel each other out, and that makes it difficult to maintain a regular relationship/friendship with him, but its wonderous seeing him occasionally, as he is quite talented. Also in the crowd Ventura legend Dora! of Wilde Planet fame, and Bush Bunny who has been living back in Rhode Island. I can never remember Bush Bunny's real name. I've called him Bush Bunny for over 20 years as he was known to frequent the bushes and shrubs of the various parks in Ventura County cruising for sex. And of course he would wind up arrested---ALOT. He's infamous for having sex up in a tree at weho's blow job park, and falling from the branch as the person he was fellating began to orgasm. I love ole BB he's a good time Sally! It was also dear seeing Michele and Jason of Woodpussy and of course the royal lady of Santa Barbara County Ms. Barbara, aka Mrs. Marilyn Manson. Barbara is such a genuine and graciously divine lady, and she brought an entire bus load of fun loving Santa Barbara supporters of Glen Meadmore, and honey Ms. Meadmore needs and deserves all that love and support, because she is a treasure.

WE OH WE
This emugwai comes from the lovely Claudia Gonson of the Magnetic Fields who is the female husband of Stephin Merritt.

Friends,

I thought I'd send out a general mailing to you all to announce that Stephin Merritt is now a DJ.

With another friend, he co-DJ's an evening of 60's bubblegum and psychedelic music at an East Village bar called the "Clubhouse", Monday nights.

The night is called the "Incredibly Profound Tentacle", and there's a very sweet drink they serve there for $5 called the "Pink Tentacle", which will give you a headache in the morning...

Come by and have some candy!

Clubhouse
Ave C/9th Street
East Village
Monday nights, 9pm on.

with love,
Claudia

HASPEN BROGEL
This little emugt from dapper LA Times Style Editor Guy Trebay:

Vag,
Sorry to miss you this weekend in Los Angeleez (hard G, as in The
Grifters.) The conference thing I was doing turned out to be all day Sat.
at U.S.C., near South Central, place of your nativity. Arrived in driving
rain, was whisked to conference at near dawn and never saw daylight (if you
don't count the sun shining out of Tom Ford's butt--he and I were
officially billed as being in conversation) again until late afternoon, by
which time the city looked as beautiful as I ever saw it, the air scoured
clean, even the San B. mountains visible. Was going to call or try to get
over to Bricktops, but fell dead asleep in my glamorously empty suite at
the Standard downtown, w. its beautiful view of L.A.'s lively population of
ragamuffins and sun scorched trolls.
Next time, I guess. Hope all goes well.
XO
G.

***

Bricktops on Friday was pure loveliness. It was a Stella Dallas party in honor of Barbara Stanwyck and everyone showed up in tacky vintage outfits worth their weight in goldine. The luminous Kitten DeVille filled in for an ailing fishnet floozy, Anna Bells and boy did she show them how one becomes the queen of burlesque! Kitten is one hell of a dazzling performer and sex goddess supreme. And she balances it all with being a Xurbian wife and mother. She does it all!!!! WoW!!!
Also the Whoracle et Delphi made some startling predictions about a Tsunami attacking the west coast soon and another edict that was too much for hostess Madame Bricktops to relay. Perhaps she'll tell it this week. The high falutin celebrity mix included designer Shauna Leone, movement artist supreme Jean Spinosa, intermedia sex worker Zeb, taxi dancer Buttons Sinclair, Del Marquis of Scissor Sisters, Caleb Followill of the Kings of Leon and hunky turkish/german director Fatil Akin of the new super hot movie "Head On".
This week will be a salute to the Carter Family with Canada's favorite son, Glen Meadmore performing.