DU FAST NOCH KIND

Had a nice long over due visit with the Art Forum writer and novelist Travis Jeppesen who I was surprised to learn is now 35 years old.  I’ve known Travis since he was a teenager writing me letters and sending me his self produced chapbooks.  We didn’t meet in the fleshy flesh till I moved to Berlin in 2006. Travis also relocated to Berlin that year from Prague.  Because of our letter writing exchanges over the years I felt like I had already known him forever so we easily floated into a nice comfort zone with each other.  This last year has been one of triumph and tragedy for Travis as he was singled out in the Whitney Biennial but also lost his best friend and muse Baby Brian Tennessee Claflin of Pork@Ficken3000.  Luckily Mr. Jeppesen has had several months of reflection and he seems to be ready to re-emerge cleansed from his mortal storms.  I was happy I was there to just provide a listening ear and broad ladylike shoulders for him to unleash a puddle of  tear ducting from his steel blue eyes.

Another blaster from the paster came in the form of Baby Diaper Joel Gibb of the indie rock Canadian band Hidden Cameras who I thought had decided to move back to  greater Canuckia.  Well the diaper is still in Berlin at least technically as he hasn’t given up his sumpteous Rixdorf flat, but plans to spend most of the harsh winter months in Los Angeles where his good pal and music supershtar Peaches already resides.  Well the handsome baby diaper was busy being all diapery with a plethora of steamy love affairs that included a romp with a mega hunky Canadian actor/supermodel and the well endowed German TV presenter from Celebrity Big brother Jochen Schropp among others all wrapped up in the house of the diaper.  Its hard to keep up with his sterling love life.

*

The young Spanish male Three Graces or  Escuelita’s as I like to call them invaded the London Broil Palast last weekend with their rock hard pectoral cavities, taunt stomachs and marble astrovars sending the place into a frazzled Alfred HitchCOCKian frenzy.  Usually these kind of men tend to cock block each other preventing their girlfriends from getting their proverbial gnut.  But wisely they would break rank when one or the other needed to satisfy a particular itchypoo.  Our crack celebutant voyeurist Itsy Molyneaux was on hand to document each encounter of this particular sex beat.  The most beautiful of the Spaniards took as his first temporary husband a tall salty dog of a teutonic with dinosaur genitalia.  Their marriage lasted less then five minutes as the second the older man gave him his first pelvic thrust, Miss Espana exploded in orgasmic couplets of much force and grandeur.  Before they began to fornicate though another less fortunate voyeur was caught peeking over the cabine walls and was sucker punched by crusty German.  Some convenient boiler pipes blocked Itsy from being discovered so she was able to watch the hunger games transaction unchallenged.  The other two ‘Lita’s got involved in a threegy with a Tom of Finland look and hung-a-like regular of the Palast. This particular man Itsy has seen for years stomping around  lust pavillions throughout the city state of Brandenbergertor.  You can tell that 20 years ago he was beyond compare in body, face and big dick arrogance.  He is still quite handsome, and muscular with a few layers of fat attached.  But the Esquelitas were only concerned with that formidable goucho groin and could sniff out a mighty morphin power ranger from a distance of a tri-state nucleii.  The two Spanish damsels were so greedy that they almost bit off the prized member of their conquest, maybe because of this action one of them was exiled.  The woman left was still fellating the sex giant with too much AustroHungarian aggression resorting to the man yelling, “take it easy” in English being their common language as the hulk was an ethnic Berliner.  After the German man had his fill of garden salad he was ready to mount the beauty and his mad skillz in this area were impressive.  He sent the youngwomanmanthingy into Judy Garlandlike histrionics as he bucked, moaned and grunted with schrill delight.  When the elder man was finished he removed his worn and dairy filled condiment delicately placing it in the trash receptacle like it was a totem item of significant religious worship and supplication.

*

Had a nice Sunday breakfast reunion with the underground film maestro Wilhelm Hein and his art photographer girlfriend Annette Frick.  We haven’t seen each since the Berlinale as both our schedules have been insane.  Wilhelm has had some major international successes at large venues like The Pompadoo in Paris and he will also be venturing to the States soon for a big end-of-the-year spectacular.  Both Wilhelm and I have had some trying bouts with illness and I hope he will be able to recouperate properly and get his old color back in his cheeks. We need our legends now more then ever.

DER KUSS,DER LETZTE, GRAUSAM SUESS

Its impossible these days to sit quietly on a bench by yourself for a dissassociative contemplative moment without someone either coming up to you begging(even in Europe with more generous social services the safety net is crumbling) or prosyletizing.   A nicely dressed woman in her early 30s approached me about coming to a meeting for The Knowledge Book. This was a first.  Said Book of Knowledge or more likely Book of Shadows is the latest new agey religious text in popular circulatory demand, or at least that is what I gathered from the way this young lady spoke using phrases like  ‘ones energy and so forth. . . Hmmmm.  I calmly listened to her spiel then politely yet firmly declined the offer.

Met at Maxway Coffee at Winterfeldt Platz with the famous New York performer, sound artiste and slam poetry great Tracie Morris who also is a professor of Humanities and Media Studies at Pratt in Brooklyn.  We were introduced earlier in the year when I did a visiting artist at Pratt invited by Jennifer Miller of Cirkus Amok who also teaches at the art school.  Miss Tracie is beautiful with personality plus++++ and we had a wonderful time in girlish chitchat. I even learned a new phrase from Tracie---“jungle pneumonia” which is a more virulent strain of jungle fever affecting global dinge queens apparently. She will be in Europe till February mainly in London but is doing her Berlina sorjourner truth for the moment and having a delightful time enchanting everyone she meets.

I was in a great mood because the sun was out and I had a bit of goodies the night before from a young Norweigan fellow named Torvald ala the Ibsen play A Doll’s House who came over to visit me at the Cheese Endique Trifecta with my former Lund University/Malmo Art Academy student Stine Omar of the popular indie electro band Easter.  Androgynous Stine and her sexy beau Max Boss who went to the Universitaet Braunchsweig Art School studying under self absorbed Michael Brynntrup brought Torvald with them as he helps with their administrative duties as new wave rock stars.  My other young protoges Christophe DeRohan Chabot and Acme Singt also dropped by, but of course all of the kids had other places to run off to as the evening progressed and I was left with sweet Torvald and his sparkling green eyes and heaving pectoral cavity bairly contained in his jumper.  For some reason I decided to rename Torvald with the moniker Armor because he is built like a brick outhouse. After the others left we drank some Earl Grey tea when he just up and took off all of his very expensive sportclothes.  I believe in the motto good boys are naked boys created by my Afro Sister Urethra Franklin aka:  Helen Bed O’Neill of Retail Slut and figured it was my cue to lick the 19 year old Armor from head-to-toe. What else can I say / sweet smelling and tasting lad exceedingly succulent with tempting bulky fig eliciting positronic desiretics from elderly black ladykin wearing natty shawl.

On my way to luncheon & brainstorming Magic Flute session with CHEAP fearless leader Susanne Sachsse I ventured to Mitte’s  Kimmerich Gallery next to the Volksbuehne to catch the Mike Kutchar exhibition of his erotic well Hungarian drawings. Uli Ziemons who has written a new tome on George Kuchar had told me about the work, but I wasn’t prepared for such delirious sexual shenanigans featuring what Uli had described as horndoggy cavemen riding dinosaurs. There is much more to it all then that with plenty of rump, nip, feetsis, arse, throttlebottom and prodigious mutt.Those of you visiting Berlin this is a must see! And will be up until January 10^th so make haste.

If the publishers of Stone Mattress the new Margaret Atwood book are reading this very blogina please send me a copy of her new tome and all of her books.  

I just finished reading John Irving’s In One Person that my lovesexy pal Nanna Heidenreich gave me and I adore the book which reminded me a bit of my very short period as a scholarship bleacher creature at the east coast prep school Choate in Wallingford Connecticut back in the 1970s.  I knew a boy just like the character Kittredge in the Irving book, though my dark haired cruel beauty was called Chessler.

O I forgot to mention when I was  on the train with Nanna on our way to the congress in Braunschweig, sitting across from us was the man and woman from the art collective Rimini Protokol – I can never remember their names and I didn’t recognize them---- they approached me.  Several years ago they took me to lunch along with their cute young male intern in an attempt to  woo me to be in one of their stage pieces which was Kleist’s Hermann’s Battle.  Mattias Lienthal of the HAU had felt that their work was getting stale and that maybe having me in one of their documentary  spectacles would liven things up.  Well at the time I was juggling teaching in London and several shows in England and Spain so I really couldn’t have committed to the project plus I wasn’t exactly captivated by their concept.  From things that I have heard about them in the international grapevine I think I made a wise choice not to work with them.

From a Bitte Midler distance in Nollendorky Platz I saw Cornell Collins one of the olde black lovers of my CHEAP kollektiv colleague Tim Blue who is now based in his birthtown of Portland, Oregon.  I  was riding my bicycle home from an early Sunday morning breakfast meeting with an American curator when I noticed Mr.Collins who lived in Los Angeles before coming to Berlin around 2009.  In Southern California he received some notice as a fledgeling fashion designer according to what my former Glue Magazine editrix Laurie Pike told me about him among other scurrilous accounts.  I had no idea he was still living in Berlin till seeing him walking hand-in-hand with what appeared to be his latest young victim. Lord love a duck.

ZAUBERHAUFTEN HEXEN

So sorry its taken me forever to write on the olde blogina but I have been suffering from a very clingy flu which has been holding on for dear life and making me miserable in the process. So even though I was Typhoid Mary I still kept ahold of my commitment to be a part of a fascinating Visuelle Decolonizing Congress in the small very pretty university town of Braunschweig which is about two hours by train from Berlin. My dear colleague Nanna Heidenreich of Forum Expanded was one of the organizers of this symposium along with her boss the charming and love sexxy Dr. Professor Ulrike Bergerman which took place at the Hochscule fur Bildende Kunst(HBK) Institut fur Medienforschung(IMF).The two day conference was packed to the high rafters with lots of juicy young students from the Darstellende Spiel(Performance Studies) department flocking into the filmstudio. Among the faculty was Florian Krautkrämer who is editing with Nanna a book on Birgit Hein. Herr Krautkraemer is a true cinephile, a film studies scholar and expertin on feminist experimental film plus much more, also Eyke Isensee, the school's archivist and historian. I got to meet the wonderful Storm Janse van Rensburg a handsome South Afrikan curator and artist Emma Wolukau-Wanambwa who is just lovely and a Cheryl Dunye Doppelganger. Miss Emma had been at a conference at Oldenburg where I will be in January and after Braunschweig she is off traveling the four corners on a joint venture between the Zurich and Uganda Art Schools.
My incredible student collaborateurs who designed my lovely dressing and green room were Lennart Kudla & Helena Lauinger, two young scholars who are at the forefront of pumping up the political spirit on the Branunschweig campus. The other student assistants were Lennart Sörensen, Louisa Görs, Ines, Erik & Julia of the Logotorium the Meisterschülerinnen in the
Asta Gröting class and they were the genius chefs of the hearty soups and empanadas that enabled us to endure the bus trip back to Berlin. Yes because of the Bahnstreik we took a German version of The Greyhound Bus which was a bit uncomfortable but Nanna made it sweet by supplying plenty of healthy snacks and being the overall activities leader.  Nanna is a treasure and took good care of me as I was in a most fragile state.  Joining our party tour bus: the "Artefakte" - Brigitta Kuster, Dierk Schmidt, Regina Sarreiter, Michaela Ott - the philosophy/aesthetic theory professor from the art school in Hamburg, who has recently published "dividuationen" with bbooks - as well as tomes on affect & affizierung (she's a deleuze super scholar!). she provided entertainment for the entire caravan by reading from the book she had with her Ernst Jünger's Feldpostbriefe. I also shared a taxi back to Rote Insel with the magnificent Tobias Nagl who wrote the lauded book on Black German film history which Scandanavian Muslim Daniel Hendrickson will translate in English. Tobias talked the group into buying a distilling machine so that they can make their own schnaps. Also sharing the 5 hour plus journey was Melanie Ulz, who is an art historian from Berlin, teaching in Osnabrück. Nanna and Melanie went to graduate school together. The reason why it took so long to get back to Berlin was the driver attempted to avoid the traffic jam by getting off the autobahn in Magdeburg and taking surface streets which turned into a big mistake making the cranky passengers and michieveous teenage boys on the bus very grumpy and agitated. Also special shout out to Peter Dargel, Michael Brynntrup, congress photo documenteress Sybille Bauriedl the delightful girlfriend of Ulrike who is also a brilliant Geographer and Urbanity scholar doing lots of work organizing and presenting around and against the Olympics.
Even though I was sickly I had a great time during the symposium, the artist dinners and my comfy hotel Fruhlings in the olde city center. Discovered a Korean TV channel called Arirang that features lots of K-pop programs like The After School Club and vidoes of K-pop shtars like Beast, 2AM, Mad Town and Bestie.

IHR KITZLER WAR SO GROSS WIE EIN KNABENPIMMEL

The blonde beauty boy of Gleisdrieick Park is back!  November 1, 2014 a day that will live in infamy.  I have not seen BBB for over a month, and I’ve missed his showboating barefoot, shirtless, preggers – chiselled frame rehearsing strenuous Breakdance 2  Electric Boogaloo moves in the gymnastics quad of the park.  Way before summer ended I would ride my bicycleta through the Park almost every day hoping to catch a glimpse of him who sometimes acts haughty when he catches you staring, but if you don’t want anyone to look why make a spectacle of yourself especially when you have a body of warmed over death, bullet nips, washboard abs of sixteen pack instead of six and a clitoral belly button that jets out over 2 angry inches.

Hail ye the conquering hero of unseasonably warm weather  that we are having at the moment in Berlina.  My only complaint with Gleisdrieick Park is that it is too family friendly.   I don’t need to see children EVER.  My John Wayne Gacy glare may frighten BBB but his ginger bearded pal is fearless and stays topless even as the sun begins to set at 4:30pm.  Mr. Ginger beard is dimunitive with phat pound cakes, Barney Rubble feet and a Smokey Mountain pectoral cavity, and I can tell with that dumb as a brick grin of his that  he is a goodtime Sally hooker with a heart that’s gelden Christo.

ALS DIE FRAUEN NOCH SCHWAENZE HATTEN

Rising Stars, Falling Stars celebrated a 7 year anniversary with a SRO crowd of celebutants that included Cristian Forte of Lieseylenyo with his new girlfriend, handsome psychologist to the shtars Jan Lindmeyer and his pretty sister Christina her glam best friend Martha with her humpy bearded boyfriend from New York Nathan,art star suprema Ali Janka of Austrian art kollektiv Gelitin with his hot Baby Papi Gunther Gerdes, Swedish text based artist Karl Holmqvist, dreamy Forum curator and filmmaker Dorothee Wenner with Herr Macher and posse,film editor Ruth Schoneger, British artist Elly Clark,independent curator Anja Lueckenkemper with beau Uli Ziemons filling in for Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathaus traveling on important Arsenal business, film director Christian Petzold, Daniel Hendrickson, Alain Seban of the Centre Pompidou, lovesexy Markus Ruff and Michaela Wuensch of bbooks. Muscular film historian Christian F. Weber gave this report about RSFS,”I had such a splendid evening yesterday! As Henry Langlois once said: "There is no Garbo! There is no Dietrich! There is only Vaginal Davis!"

The divine Eunice Martin was in fine form accompanying the film Prix De Beaute on klavier at RSFS. Eunice is a Berlin treasure and you can’t screen a Louise Brooks silent film without a super talented Eunice Martin in the mix. Everyone in attendance was in agreement that Prix De Beaute has the most extroidinary ending of any film in the history of motion pictures. Next month November 30th we will screen the concert documentary film El Tango Es Una Historia 1983 by the Bolivian born Argentine director Humberto Rios so mark it now in your calenderia.