JE T'AIME MOI NON PLUS
The Wonderful British art star Franko B and his hot young lover Kris Canavan are in Los Angeles visiting. Dadster Ron Athey cooked an incredible early summer meal at his compound in Silverlake in honor of Franko and Kris. In attendance was Ron's Swiss butch realness boyfriend Maxmillian whose birthday it was. Max is so handsome and humble that he didn't want a fuss made over his b'day. Max's gorgeous wife Taj was also at the soiree. Taj is the personal piercer and tatooist to the stars, and is responsible for all the tats and exotic piercings on Christina Aguilera and Janet Jackson. In fact it was Ms. Jackson's famed titty starburst that caused such a quandry at the Superbowl and Taj and her Melrose Avenue Studio were responsible for the brouhaha. Others at the party included The Mikulan/Ross' Sandra and Steven who are handsdown LA's sexiest husband and wife writing tag team, and costume designer Susan (Crepe Suzette) Matheson of the movies Friday Night Lights, Honey and crazy/beautiful with her cute yapitty and spoiled weiner dog, Fende Baguette.
Earlier in the day i took Franko and Kris to the updated Echo Park eatery The Brite Spot, and then we went to Amoeba Records and sauntered along Hollywood Blvd. On Thursday Franko was guest DJing at the Parlour Club, mixing a live dj set straight from his laptop and showing his enigmatic visuals including some films by Slava, his boyfriend Kris with Dominic Johnson and edited scenes from Ron Athey's new production, "The Judas Craddle"
Friday at Bricktops it was a Bebe Daniels Slutty Tart Party featuring voluptous fishnet floozy Anna Bells and from New York the wonderous Wau Wau Sisters, who really delighted the crowd with their acrobatic burlesque routines that are extremely unique, sophisticated and riveting, plus they are both a fine pair of good time sally's. The who's who in the crowd included Creekbird, Melissa Sexchester, Cory Marie, Sasha, Don Spiro, Augusta,Johnny Quale, Buttons Sinclair, Penny Starr Junior, Venus De Mille who will be performing next Friday and film actor Alan Cummings. Taxi Dancer Mary, Mary really kept the energy level of the crowd aces high, and was wearing a showgirl outfit that would have outdone the Great Ziegfeld.

DJ FAILURE
Got together with my sweet dear nieciela Morgan Rhodes, who works for Sony Pictures as a photo editor in the advertising department. Its always a hoot when us urban gals commence. And we had the bar area of El Coyote all to ourselves to whoop it up. There was a basketball game playing on the TV monitors and little did i know that Missy Morgana is a huge sports fan, yelling and screaming at the TV with the few other people and bar staff in the room. Of course i know nothing about basketball. Morgan is such an entrepreneur,----She makes her own inscents that are delectable, and gave me some samples of her brands that include a Billie Holliday label. Morgan also works as a stylist to some of the big named Urban music and black entertainment stars, so she is one busy in-demand lady.
Sunday was Professor Doyle's bruncheon which was quite a successful afternoon affair. Lots of eye candy to behold including her next door neighb and Cal Arts Film Student Jason with his cute little Korean pal, the hunky prince of Judea Josh Kun, who i'd like to give a steamy tongue bath to, and indie filmmaker Miguel Arleta(Chuck & Buck) Daddy Ron Athey and Crepe Suzette also made an appearance. The dadster is back from his UK tour of the Judas Crade which was very well received as can be expected. It was also nice seeing the great scholar and sexy butch Catherine Lord, Mark Simon, David Pendleton and Stephen as well as Julian Nitzberg with Rita D'Albert of La Lucha Voom fame.

WHERE OR WHEN?
Beautiful Bricktops how i delight in thee. One of the Parlour's bartenders, a gorgeous immaculate child of WASP wealth, brought his English pal who is a performance art student at UCLA to meet Madame Bricky. Well this young creature is the ultimate dream of the heavenly firmament, all peaches and cream complexion and full rose dust lips. The great lady was very much impressed with the radiant youth, who asked her for a dance, and they foxtrotted on the floor like it was a country cotillion. Warning to all young white boys: don't become involved with jungle temptresses, it can lead to an early demise.
Kristian Hoffman and Carolyn Edwards were the featured performers for the little Rodgers & Hart Johnny One Note party and they delivered a sweet R&H tag team singing affect, capturing the sophisticated nature of Lorenz Hart's lyrical interplay. Creekbird and pals also put on a show of shows, with a nice spirited appearance from that well endowed Gorilla who plays percussion in the band. Madame Bricky got carried away, and shrimped Creekbird's pretty boy feet. Mary,Mary and Miss Cory Marie, kept the energy levels frenzied with their wilde free style taxi dancing, and DJ Pirate Jenny outdid herself. Can't wait to attend the Pirate's late spring brunch at her Silverlake Compound.
The notables on hand included the sexy and dashing Sasha, NYC art czar Michael Waugh with his sweet artist galpal, songstress Rebecca Lynn, burlesque veterana Kitty Diggens, video artist Ming Ma, filmmaker/hunk Jedidiah Smith, Javier Peres of Peres Projects, and Daphne Guinness with Ronald Van der Hilst, the innovative Antwerp designer who created the new housing structure known as the brain hive.

THERE IS ELEGANCE IN REFUSAL
My favorite Diane Vreeland quote. Thats why i turned down some stupid TV people who wanted me to audition for a part on some tired program of theirs. I didn't leave them completely empty handed, i recommended they contact Jackie Beat.
Had dinner with handsome Frank Rodriguez my former Club Sucker partner who gave up his dayjob as a Sony Pictures exec to start his own business called Kustom Creative. Frank and i feasted at Chan Dara. Frank's new business venture is doing very well, and he seems more content now that he gave up the corporate grind. Frank is known as one of LA's most virile young men.
After dinner i went to the American Cinemateque at the Egyptian Theatre to see their program of rarities, which included footage of a very young Judy Garland singing a Will Rodgers tribute and also pristine 35 milimeter coverage of the 1933 Long Beach earthquake aftermath, and other gems like a Constance Bennett beauty spot, the text I appropriated in Berlin in 2001 during the performance piece Cheap Jewelry directed by Mark Siegel and Daniel Hendrickson.
Met up with Frank's business partner the sexyline Jeffrey Hilbert at The Spotlight for some late nite cocktail action. Jeffrey bought me a million Whiskey sours, and we made fun of the black hair queens parading about, and was joined later by famed film editor Billy Rich.

MOULES FRITES
A few weeks ago i wrote about Professor Jennifer Doyle taking me out to dinner at a new trendy eatery in Hollywood to celebrate my return to Los Ang from Manchester, England, but in my junior Alzheimic state i couldn't remember the name of the place, well now i have it for you----its called The Hungry Cat and this little seafood boite is the newest edition to the kingdom of chef David Lentz and his wife Suzanne Goin. The HC fits nicely with their Luques and A.O.C establishments.
This new charming eatery is located in the corner of the courtyard between the Borders Bookseller and Schwaabs Diner on Vine Street and is part of this mega complex which also houses a tired Bed, Bath & Beyond and designy apartments. Both the Doyle and I were shamelessly oogling the eye candy male wait staff and serving them double entendres. You get the two of us together and mischief rules. The good professor told me she has been seeing the indie director Miguel Arleta who helmed the films "Chuck & Buck" and "The Good Girl" M. Arleta is South American via Puerto Rico and his last relationship was with the performance artist/filmmaker Miranda July, so perhaps he can handle the sexy dynamo that is "The Doyle"
Also forgot to mention that the famous Whirly Girl Bicycle Collective stopped by en masse at Bricktops last Friday adding a whimsical flavour to the frivolities. I love this group----they are singlehandedly leading the revolution against ugly selfish SUVS to the divine countenance of peddle nation. KATOU!!
A group of my University of Manchester students got together and surprised me with a long distance phone call. It was juicy hearing from them. All my love and kissy kissat goes out to baby dykes Tessa & Lisa, and baby dyke boys Niven and Phil. Phil is coming to Los Angeles in August for a visit. Andrew of Gould and Lenny the young Elder have graciously accepted the duties of hosting them since i live in a shoe box.

GNADIGE FRAU
Before punk rock i only listened to Classical music and pre-rock n roll standards. That is why my doing Club Bricktops holds such special meaning for me. The past week i've been going to the Laemmle Fairfax theatre to see their special musical showings. I saw Pal Joey starring Frank Sinatra as a long on the tooth male concubine being kept by a gorgeous equally long toothed Rita Hayworth. Kim Novak also starred in this flick from the late 50s. Kim, the lavender haired blondine is really a curiosity to me, with that imperious facial expression she wore all the time, and that upturned brow. She was really good in Bell, Book & Candle. I was going to stay and watch Guys and Dolls, but i just didn't have enough energy for it. I came back a few days later to see My Fair Lady and Gigi. There is one really cute blonde boy that works behind the counter who i'd like to chew and plow, if he'd let me.
***
Bricktops Buzz Berkeley Nite was sensational. The Ditty Bops made a triumphant return to the club after months of touring with The Dresdon Dolls and Nancy Sinatra. Amanda looked so cute with her outrageous candy red bob. Too bad her queeny hairdresser had to come along. He and his little entourage of tired homosexuals were just the ickiest creatures. Alex my bear daddy door man said that this hair hopper wound up getting into a row with some girl, and had to be removed from the premises. He must have been taking crystal meth or perhaps a mood altering pychotropic perscription medication that so many "gays" who can't cope with life, seem to be taking.
Newcomer Maryea Boylan was also very enchanting. Maryea is a brain scientist by day and vaudevillian by night. Too bad she is accompanied by that shrill showboater Brad Kay. She seemed to keep him on a tight leash on stage--but poor Andrew who was doing the sound, had to deal with his poovah behavior.
Mary, Mary and Sasha were wonderful as the evenings taxi dancers. They kept the energy aces high, and looked incredible. I adore them. Cory Marie was selling her new limited edition Ditty Bops poster---and it was a big hit. Cory is a rising young art star that the world will have to reckon with.
Celebutants in the audience included the divine, Janet Klein, who looks younger and younger every time i see her. Delectable Bricktops regulars Shauna Leone, Melissa Sexchester, Amy O'Neill, Mr. Uncertain with his no eyebrow look, a deliciously sultry Jean Spinosa, Marquis of Hobo Jazz, Jim Elkington of the Zincs and Conrad Keely and Kevin Allen of the Texas band,You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, who were fighting over sexy DJ Pirate Jenny---no man can resist her.
***
Sunday evening i went to a very casual, private BBQ over at Jeffreyland Hilberts Koreatown compound. Jeffrey's beau Ozzmatli made the most scrumpteous salsa,guacamole and home made chips. The specially sauteed chicken and fish tacos were divine. It was nice seeing my ex-Sucker partner Frank Rodriguez, his humpy ginger lover "P", who got kicked out of his Hollywood apartment by the Scientologists, Enrique the hip Flip, who hilariously takes being a status queen to scintilating new heights, Raul Rules and Perry, who use to work at ICM and was telling me all about growing up in John Water's Baltimore, which is something i didn't know about him. I'm glad i forced myself to go out on a social outing. The older I get the more i can't stand being around anyone. I'm deep down an introvert and complete loner just like my mother.
Doug Gordon came down from Norther California to empty the last items in his storage unit, and gave me his giant screen computer monitor which i just love love love. Doug's mother left him all this furniture that had been in their family since they came to this country on the Mayflower. Doug sold it to Southeby's and now has enough money to buy himself a house.

NEW SUN IN THE SKY
Had brunch with Edith "head" Gonzales at The Pantry downtown. I adore Edith, she's one of the true blue ones. Her marriage to Steve Human of the Vandals fame seems to be rocky once more. They have a beautiful tow headed little girl, and Edith is step mom to Steve's gorgeous 18 year old son from a previous relationship. When i see my good friends having a hard time making their lesbianic domesticity work, i'm glad that i've never had a long term relationship----its sooooo not worth it.

Last night i went out Margarita drinking at Casita, welcoming Eddie G back to LA from Montreal. Eddie was my beautiful nazi skinhead doorman from Club Sucker and the star of my film "The White To Be Angry". He looked amazing. Eddie is one of the worlds best kissers, and i've heard he can suck the rust off a cock.
Went back to the Fairfax Laemmle for their musical tributata. Saw Fred Astaire in lady Vincente Minnelli's The Bandwagon and Easter Parade with Judy Judy Judy. I've never seen Easter Parade in a movie theatre. It really holds up, and is surprisingly not that dated as musicals go. Well it is dated and not dated at the same time, if you know what i mean. Can't wait to see Pal Joey, and Gigi.

CHRISTINE CARERE
Went by the Spotlight and missed Michael Waugh, the great great grandson of writer Evelyn Waugh(Brideshead Revisited) He's supposed to come by Bricktops Friday, but something tells me his romantic piccadilos with some well endowed LA hunkasauruses will prevent his appearance.
Friday's Cole Porter Love For Sale night at Bricktops was magnifique. Chanteuse Anna Biller with Jerod Sanford,accompanied by a gifted ivory tinkler, Wynn Myerson put on quite a show of shows, and Buttons Sinclair and Shauna Leone were taxi dancing like it was going out of shiny shiny. DJ Pirate Jenny was also in finala form. The celebutants in the audience included the curvy singer Abby Travis and handsome beau in tow, designer Michael Schmidt with former matinee idol Mickey Roarke, who was such a good sport as Madame Bricktops mocked his plastic surgery victim look from the stage. Also stopping by was Marquis de Gris and Mattvin of the Hobo Jazz Band, Melissa Sexchester,John Quayle celebrating his birthday, Jean Spinosa looking as fetching as ever, heiress Andrew Sears, art historian Robert Summers who is the nephew of County Supervisor Gloria Molina, and video art star Ming Ma. The Persian tranny temptress Parisa was locking jaws with Brandon Flowers of the Killers, and also with various members of the Brit band Bloc Party.
Sunday i went to the Laemmle Fairfax to see 7 Brides For 7 Bros and Showboat starring the great Ava Gardner. It was a perfect way to escape the unseasonably warm weather. Had lunch at Farmers Market and was cruised by the comedian Howie Mandel and director John Landis(An American Werewolf in London) Didn't know that they had suger in their tanks, maybe they don't, and innocently clocked me as an out of drag tranny and wanted to simply hit some of my racehorse arse. Who could blame them or any man for that.

A NEW QUARDRANGLE
I hope the skater bio pic "Lords of Dogtown" starring that juicy Victor Rasuk doesn't gloss over Tony Alva's drag queen and tranny chasing forays. Back in the 1980's when i lived at the Via Rosa on Sunset i had me a lot of fun with Mr. Alva and Max Perlich, the skate rat turned movie and TV character actor.
***
Buttons Sinclair took me to lunch downtown at the LA FishMart on 6th and Central, one of this cities most dynamic working class hangs.
Mark Simon of the Samuel French Booksellers invited me along with The Boyfriends to the Harold Arlen trib at the Academy of Motion Pictures, Arts and Sciences. Michael "Too short and Queeny" Feinstein was the hostess. She's a good cabaret singer, but is a little too shticky for my tastes. The late Bobby Short was much more edgier. I enjoyed seeing Fayard Nicholas of the famed Nicholas Bros and a dapper looking Tony Martin with his legendary dancer wife Cyd Charrisse. The queen of apple cheekdom, Mitzi Gaynor in a white pantsuit and orange ruffey tan proved she is still a horny good time Sally coyly throwing down some dirt on ex-lover Howard Hughes while purring and acting all buttery.

ISABELLE HUPERT
Stars as Ma Mere, in this film version of the Georges Bataille novel. Never has a movie been so universally panned by the critics. Every review i've read has hated this film. Of course that made me like it even more. Louis Garrel, the beautiful young actor who was in Bertalucci's, The Dreamers last year plays the melancholiate teenage boy, and in one scene on the sand dunes, a perfectly nude Garrel starts to cruise a sizzling nipple boy who is with two icky queens, and i wish that little slice had been carried out to fruition.
Madame Isabelle as the libertine mamma,is utterly breathtaking, with cold eyes and freckled skin. While watching the movie i kept thinking of Bertalucci's La Luna with Jill Clayburgh, who seduces her 15 year old junky son. I want more incest movies, and i want them NOW!!!!
***
Took my young husband Andrew of Gould, out for a belated birthday dinner to this vegan restaurant on Orlando and Beverly. Great food, and at least one piece of eye candy sitting at a table across from us. Before i arrived at the restaurant i noticed that the tired mall, the beverly connection is no longer there. The movies theatres and everything have been destroyed. i wish they'd do the same with the Beverly Center and Ma Maison Softel across the street from it.

Sunday i went to visit Paul "Whitey" Glynn of the legendary Melrose Avenue deadstock boutique CowBoys and Poodles. Paul and his business partner Phil Heath, re-emerged about a decade ago on Beverly Blvd near Fairfax with a gorgeous new store called Re-Mix. They carry a lot of never worn vintage clothing, shoes and accessories. They've even set up shop in the reproduction of vintage women and men shoes, and of course everything looks deliciously presented with a conceptual eye that is both classy and edgy. I've known Paul and Phil for over 20 years, since i was a weenager, and they are definately two of LA's unheralded treasures of creativity and style. Paul is originally from Detroit and is very motown in his view of life, never ceasing to make you bust up laughing with his light skinned Negro humour.

KOALA PATURE
My welcome back Kotter return to Los Ang pre-Bricky party at Andrew of Gould's compound was delisha! Andrew created a dazzling display of munchables and i was able to soak in the love of the Moveable Feast Children: Miss Mary, Cory Marie, Sasha, Jean Spinosa and sweet South American crooner Jose Promis, who performed at Bricktops singing some of his original songs. The chill'en brought me gifts of the spirit---Missy Jean presented the doll with a plant of life, Miss Mary, the blood wine of the Christ and Miss Cory Marie, some specially designed Vagimule stationary and business cards. A merry time was had by all.

Later at Bricktops, Jose caused everyone in the crowd to swoon and Anna Bells the Fishnet Floozy seduced with those sexy dance moves and flawless breastage. The celebs in the audience included luscious Abby Travis, Japan's Erotika Bamboo, Jason el Norte, heiress Andrew Sears and beau, the hunky singer Daniel Cartier from NYC, designer Shauna Leone, Danish film star Nikolaj Lie Kaas, French director Benoit Jacquot(School of Flesh)with gallic actrice Isild Le Besco(Sade)dorky author Jonathan Safran Foer(Everything is Illuminated) and his lesbianic wife the novelist Nicole Krauss who was trying to get frisky with pretty movement artist Jean Spinosa.

TEMPLE DRAKE
The young, talented novelist Tristan Egolf committed suicide the other day. I had a brief tryst with him ages ago. He was very goodlooking, and troubled. The kind of straight boy i always seem to attract. And as usual, if you wind up having sex with Vaginal Davis, you will sooner or later kill yourself. That is my legacy.

CHAV-ALANCHE
Received a cute email from Pete Dougherty with this beautiful poem that i shall share with you:

I knew a simple soldier boy
who grew through life with empty joy
slept soundly through the lonesome dark
whistled early with the lark

and in winter trenches cowed and glum
with cramps and lice and lack of rum
he put a bullet through his brain
and no one spoke of him again

Assmug-faced crowds of kindling eye
who cheer as soldier boys march by
sneak home and pray you'll never know
the hell where youth and
laughter go

***
saw the Orlando Bloom film Kingdom of Heaven. Orlando is so dreamy, and he and Eva Green make a cute couple. Nice epic as epics go. Lando can meet me at the top of my legs when he tires of bland Kate Bosworth. Was in a filmgoing state this week. I also saw Palindrones, the new Todd Solendz movie, and devoured it. The Luis Bunuel casting approach of having 45 different people play the lead was a stroke of geniustrata. I also adored The HItchhikers Guide to the Universe which showcased a very well hungula Sam Rockwell. Now i was the first person to scoop that Sammy boy was endowedith over two years ago, but of course no one wants to give me any credit.

Andrew of Gould made a delicious welcome home dinner of the vegan variety. My young British husband is the only one who really loves me unconditionally. I'm a very lucky girla.

LETTER FROM AN UNKNOWN WO-MAN
Actually its a letter from my pretty little Dom Johnson who is living it up in New York City for a few months. Here is what he has to say:

Hey Miss Thing,

Hope you are OK - sorry I haven't been in touch for so long. Really loving New
York and can't believe I only have a month to go before I am back in London.
Have been keeping up to date with your shenanigans on you Blog, such a useful
invention. Sounds like you are having a ball and meeting lots of people, wish I
coulod be there to see your piece at Contact Theatre. Have heard only good
things about you and Ron and everyone at Queer Visualities from friends who
travelled up from London. Gutted that I will miss Ron's Cradle of Judy. Will
you be there for the London performance with the party? When are you back?

New York is just great. Spending a lot of time with Slava, and his BF Brian,
who
is a hot young hip-hop white boy homo wigger (he's 22, and wears a do-rag).
He's very sweet and has a big big dick, apparently. I've seen him dance go-go a
few times and he sure can shake his moneymaker. Slava is great, though a bit
down over work stuff, which accentuates his lovable melancholic side. I have
been spending a couple of days a week with Penny Arcade, who is a strange
fruit, and has been telling me weird and wonderful stories about the heyday of
New York's downtown art scene. She rants and is a real nostalgic, and has a few
giant bones to pick with contemporary culture, which I find exciting and more
than amusing.

Getting quite a lot of work done and sitting in cafes a lot, reading, drinking
coffee and looking at boys. I love the fact that I am being paid to do this,
though honestly I get a little anxious that I should be doing more GENUINE work
(what does that mean?), but then I realise that in my own little way I actually
am.

I am living in a straight boy student house in the East Village which is both
great (location, room size) and slightly depressing (straight, long haired boys
who don't talk to me much, one expecially is monosyllabic, but not sure if it
his nature or if he just hates fags). I think I alienated myself by moving in
wearing my THE REVOLUTION IS MY BOYFRIEND T-shirt that Slava gave me for my
birthday, and by playing homo-ish music on my laptop and filling the bathroom
with toiletries and the kitchen with vegetarianism. Ho hum, at least the cat
(John) has taken a shine to me. Not that his feline affection is welcome, cats
are stinky and he chews on my belongings when I'm not looking. There is also an
albino rabbit (vile), but he lives in a cage in the lounge and so we stay out
of each other's way pretty easily. Have had some sex, but no fireworks. Also as
far as I can work it out Sam and me are no more (Boo). And that, as they say,
was that.

Would love to hear from you when you get a chance - know you must be crazily
busy.

There's a possibility I might be coming out West in August - been invited to do
a paper as part of a series at Berkeley organised by a hot yound lecturer that
I was on a panel with at Brown. Fingers crossed it works out and I can nip down
to LA from San Fran!

Big Kiss,
D x x x

CHAVESTITE
My last day in man!chesta uber alles with the performance of "The Maladjusted Rule"
goes off hitch free. The kids really gave it their all, and i'm proud of them. The final results---brilliantine---just granada! beyond Asbury Park! It was an evening where shtars and un-born cock was slurped and digested in heavy gulps. The heavenly firmament welcomed a cast of bright, young things.
How i managed to get through a week of a swollen foot, knock knees and rusty joiners is beyond me. I'm going to miss my cast of lovely children from a lesser god. All my kissy kisstalkneys and love go out to Tessa, Lisa, Theo, Phil, Niv, Empress Jaheda, Joseph "Joey" Hateley and my phd girls: Es and Lou-Lou. Specially thanks to project manager "Nervous" Jenny Sutton, Anna, the beautiful Belgian tech girl, support staff bootie pie Mark, gentle giant Rowan, Patrick Collins, Keith, and that hot half caste stunner Barkery, who didn't work on my piece, but provided me with occasional eye candy in the Sofa Cafe at the Contact Theatre.
Had a drink after the show and met the sweet parents of Tess and Niven. I must have terrorized Niv's 16 year old ginger brother when i attacked him in the audience, but i couldn't help my self he's so damn cute and fine with that ultra white peaches n' cream complexion and lips of vermillion.
Thank god for Andrea, my low energy Milanese via London assistant who helped me get through the last days of mancun disqo. We couldn't wait to get back to our lovely little suite at the Mal Maison. In the lobby i was approached by junky rocker Pete Doherty, ex of the Libertines, and his supermodel girlie friend Kate Moss. Pete gave me a big hug and kiss on the lips, the cheeky Irishman even gave me a little quick tongue action--which really shocked me, and i'm hard to shock. Good natured missy Kate Moss just laughed it off. I guess she's use to the antics of her polymorphously perverse former rent boy beau. I've known Kate since 1998 when i hosted Playing With Matches in New York with Beck and Yoko Ono, and she's one down-to-earth super mannequin. You can take the girl from Croyden, but you can't take the Croyden out of the girl . . .Peter is a also a lot taller then i expected. He's about 6'4".
The hunky swimmers built hotel doorman, Graham who hails from South Afrika, had been flirting with me since i arrived in early april. We finally got to consumate the hairy eyeballing. Graham saw my picture in the Guardian, and said i was striking as a woman. When he got off duty he came by my room, luckily Andrea was sound a sleep, so we went into the loo and i gave him a tongue bath he won't soon forget. The boy is stacked with a body that is mega perfect! Ass, feet, calves, thighs, chest and gigantic apartheid genitalia. yummmy, what a nice way to end my stay in the UK.

NOTE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT: please rid yourself of that claustrophobic mall/waiting room. its evil. Stood next to the material girl herself---- McDonna, or is she still going by her Kaballah name of Esther Mordacai?

BARONESS BRENDA HALE
emailed me that she is going to come to my workshop performance "The Maladjustment Rules" at the Contact Theatre tomorrow. The Baroness is the first female law Lord, and one of my biggest fans and supporters in Great Britain. Did a dress rehearsal with a small audience, and things went really well. I had to do one of my nuclear dookies in the dressing room loo, and to rid the lavatory of my unearthly stank,i lit some toilet paper on fire and it caused the overly sensitive alarm system
to go off, with three fire trucks and one police van that came to take me away. Contact Theatre treated the cast to a wonderful Indian dinner--yowza! Andrea came down from London to help me with the piece, thank god i really need him. My knees are rattling and my foot is a little swollen. I'm a delicate creature to be sure.
Feminists Julie Burchill and Julie Bindel both emailed me after coming to Bricktops Friday. They wanted to know when i would be hosting the club again. I explained that i was in Manchester and would be back in Los Ang on Sunday.

MR ZADIE SMITH
. . .and prize winning poet Nick Laird was at Bricktops last week, with pop ingenue Jonathan Rice. I love getting emugs from the Bricky's kids filling me in on all the ondine, while i'm away.
Well, my manchesty trip is coming to a close. Last night at the workshop we put all the parts together in this piece we've been working so diligently on, and i'm happy to report it all seems to gel. I'm very proud of my workshop participants who are a talented and awe inspiring bunch.
Too bad i can't report success with my gaydar date last night. Thank god i went to meet him at a bar, and not at the hotel. The picture he sent online was from 64 years ago. I'm more bemused then upset.

MERSEY BULWARK
Had a nice greasy spoon breakfast at my favorite city center nook. Ran into Dr. Monica and had a chittle chat with her, also received a phone call from Amelia Jones who was having another margarita party at her gorgeous edwardian home in Chorlton. Was hoping to get-to-gether for some buttery sexing with that giant ginger bmx racer dude, but he was a no show (of course) Andrew of Gould created a profile for me on Gaydar, but i'm finding it a bust.
Wound up taking a stroll and met two pals, one recognized me from when i was on that Ruby Wax special. This boy has a good memory as that was way over ten years ago. He invited me to have a drink and i spent the rest of the bank hoiday with him and his saucy mate Simon bar-har hoping. We went to the unfortunately named Queer Bar, which was one of the saddest twinky joints i've ever been in, with the worse music and young boys who were so affected with that awful half faux hawk, half mullet hairdo that everyone seems to be wearing these days. Even some lesbians had a variation of this coif. You can forgive the young people for such bad judgement, but when i see someone 35+ also wearing this style i have to let out a great big groan.
Tuesday morn emailed my article to Zoo Magazine in sections. The tired computer at the hotel was not working very well and had to finish at the nearby internet cafe. i always have the worse luck.
Workshop with students today will be grueling as we only have a few more days before our performance on Saturday. Something tells me that on my last week in manchesty i won't be getting much sleep.

FARRINGDON
Got a note sent to me from Los Ang that cute, sexy and adorable Nick Atkinson of the band Rooster was at Bricktops on Friday, and also the first supermodel Janice Dickenson has been coming every week since i've been in manchesty. Now Janice is a good time Sally of the olde school, so i'm sure she's been in riotious behavior mode.
Saturday no workshop so i got to sleep in and have some time to myself. Early in the eve i did go back to the Contact Theatre to see my co-facilitator Joey Hateley's work-in-progress, "Dirty" that was presented as part of a trio of new works. Joey is a handsome young dyke, extremely delicious and talented and her performance piece shows extreme promise. She could become the new Jean Genet. "Dirty" reminded me of Genet's "The Balcony". It was nice to socialize with the cast members of my workshop and Joey's performance.
A giant group of us attacked the gaia village which was very sweet. We started off at Mantos which on the bottom floor was playing very icky loud techno. The third floor was funk musica, and that was great, but the room was like being in a sauna so i couldn't handle it. Then we went to a lounge to drink some more and i got very tipsy, too tipsy for my own good. We then made our way to a little dance spot called Tribeca which was playing some soul and funkadelic---i even danced a whiff. One of Joey's actors has a hot Basque boyfriend who was really turning me on---he's tall, lean and muscular with full lips a pronounced nose and gorgeous hair collick. i was flirting with him all night. The last stop of the evening was a giant dance club called Essentials. The 25 plus group of us sortof split up at this point, with some people going into the danceparty and others going off to an impromptu houseparty. I was following the group to the house, and stopped to tie my shoe and got lost. At this point it was after 3am, so i decided to just find my way back to my hotelry for a good night sleep.
Sunday i spent time with Andrew and Charity's lovely friend Ava. It was delightful hanging out with her exploring the old industrial buildings of the north quarter. She's such a sweet little lass. We then went to the famous Temple of Convenience which is a converted public toilet that is now a pub. Great vibe and some cute rock star looking boys with perfect noses and tight bodies. Ava and i finished our evening at the Gaia Vill'age watching the parade of fools, and then getting a snack at a kabob hause that made one of the best felafels i've ever tasted. yum and yum alike.

AFFLECK'S PALACE
I forgot to mention i ventured to this old school Melrose Avenue in a manor emporium in the Northern Quarter. Call it the house where Ben Affleck comes to get his guiche pierced and find virile men with twitchy itchy bare knuckles for a proper fisting session. yowzina!
Was interviewed by one of Amelia's top phd students Kevin, to help with a project he is working on. Kevin is a charming soft spoken Jamaican man with dredlocks who doesn't smoke the ganja---god love him. He took me out for tea at the aptly named Cornerhause Gallery Cafe on Oxford Street Road and we had an amazing sistah2sistah, diary of a mad black woman chatalina. Kevin and his dinge queen lover have been a couple for over 15 years, and besides working on his doctorate, Kevin is an accomplished sculptor who receives regular commissioned assignments and owns his own home near Amelia Jones in the Chorlton area.
Yesterday was day four of the Maladjustment Rule workshop and its coming in to its own special Stella Getting Her Groove. Perhaps after Monday's bank holiday we'll be able to put the pieces of the puzzlette together and map out some tech. After Wednesdays sesh i hung out with the gorgeous baby dyke couple Lisa & Tess and their ten roommates in the campus dorm. Boy i'm glad my undergrad days are way over. I certainly would not want to be a young student again. I enjoy teaching occassionally, but a fulltime career in academia isn't my cup of formadaliptic tea.
Had lunch at Loves Saves the Day and shared a table with a paraplegic theatre actor and director who is putting on a show called "The Last Freakshow" at the Royal Exchange Theatre in Manchester. Would love to see his performance, but its during the most critical time of preparing my piece, so i think i'll miss it. We exchanged information and if i bring Visions of Excess to his hometown of Edinburough, Scotland i'd love to include him. His eyes bugged out when i mentioned the Goddess Bunny.