LE BONHEUR
rehearsal with the ruth fischer band has been extroidinary. drummer ebadette is a gorgeous, vivacious albanian supermodel, and her darling beau michael is our musical arranger and producer of our first album, sexual ethics and communism.
susanne has become an expert bass player and tim blue a guitar godhead. marcu play xylaphone and daniela turntable, accordian and violin. lyrics to our hot new songs, was ist party, angie eats condi and kill and let die will be posted asap so stay tune.
having internet romance with cnn middle east correspondent anish ramen, who is a youthful beauty, and a big fan of queer punk rock and this very blog you are reading. cant wait to meet mr. ramen in the fleshly flesh for hot smelting.
journalista gossip: cnn palestinian reporter and cnn london news anchor max foster are longtime companionals of butted bliss. wow how is that for a scoop
successful dinner party at the cheap office cooked by yours and tim blue with celebrity guests Annette and Wilhelm Heim, the sexy avant garde film and photography couple. Assaf hoffman the hunky israeli dancer with catherine sullivan was a delightful addition to the group. lots of nig nog consumed with carmelized carrots the gastronomic hit.
went to white trash club to see my daughter michelle carr perform her dance of the black widow spider. michelle tore up the snotty sour german crowd out of its full blooom. my posse included artist davide grassi and humpy dork marco from slovenia making a conceptual art film, assaf as my escort, tim blue, tim ferris of celebrity skin fame, a cast of italians, australians, cheks and a pollack. quite the cosmopolitan group
christmas eve brunch with daniela ramona featuring his lover piero and friend daniela maria, the spanish show dancer who is touring germany in the dull musical cats.
met with famed iraqi liberationist hannah and got the full scoop on fighting imperialism with the belgian tribunal. lady christmas dinner at suzi´s with nana of the berlin film festival, stephanie of the arsenal and hannah hurtzig, the german lois keidan
love the snow covering berlina
tis magic and the view from my boutique hotel johann is granada

ÜBERALL IST SCHÖNHEIT
Leave it to good ole "Flake" Gyllenhaul my new name for the Bareback, i mean Brokeback Mountain ingenue, who is also here in Berlina. Flake is very unreliable. We were supposed to have drinks together, but the pisser didnt call me at the appointed time, so your favorite diva is writing him off for good. I met the star a few months back at a special private screening of his movie that director Ang Lee arranged for cultural taste makers and social critics. Smart move on his part to work that very necessary word of mouth buzz. The film is brilliant, especially the musical score, and the performance of Aussie Heath Ledger. No praises for Flake, until he learns to give black drag queens more of his manly attentions in a timely fashion. Honey, I am one of the most powerful women in the world, and can make or break careers. I can use my sword both ways as Joan Crawford was fond of saying.

My Berlin husband Tim Blue of kollective Cheap has been taking care of all my lady needs of late. Tim cooks me delicious gourmet dinners, and whisks me to all the strumpet bars for eye candied gazing. I love you Timothy. I also love and worship Susanne Sachsee who i wrote about in the latest Zoo Magazine, which is now out on the stands and looks amazing with plastic surgery victimima Mickey Rourke on the cover. Buy it now.
Susanne is also a righteous cook and made a heavenly din din and bruncheon where i was able to meet my new band members for the Ruth Fischer project. These kids are so young and cute. I really adore hot hunky Steffan. He has rosy cheeks and peaches n cream complexion and a mighty, juicy round asstrovar. Yum. I bet his bussy(boy twat)
tastes fresh and scrumpteous.
Hung out with the lovely Joel Gibb of Canada´s Hidden Cameras. Joel is madly in love with a young opera prodigy from Norway. He and his new lover will be in Espana for a few days before returning to Berlin, where Joel has relocated permanently.
Its been snowing almost every day since arriving and me thinks this is the best place to spend the Kwanzalic holidays.

SUCK SEX IN THE CITY
I know some of the most amazing people. Here are two yummy pieces of correspondence from the famous international auteur Bruce "Judy" La Bruce, and the lovely and talented Miss Mary, Mary Pagone who is the guardian of the gate at Jean Spinosa’s new clubnite Wigout.

hi glamourpuss: glenn told me you are in new york painting the town amber valetta. i imagine you as missy elliot as king kong, tearing up the place. (do you believe miss peter jackson? she’s lost a tonne!) guess twat? i’m going to be in berlin for jew years. so i guess we’ll be having fun on jew years eve. joel is moving to berlin indefinitely in a few weeks, so he’ll be there too. should be a good mash up. i’ll be in berlin for two weeks starting dec 29th. also, my birthday is on january 3rd, in case anyone wants to throw me a party, hint hint. i’ll be 39.

i just got back from madrid and hong kong and madrid on sunday. what a trip! madrid has the hottest hustler bar in the world i’ve yet encountered. it’s called black and white, and it is eve plumb full to bursting with the hottest brazilian hos you can imagaine. they all look like hot latin cover boys. most of them have enormous arms and small wastes, like popeye, and calves like wooden wedges and they’re really handsome. some of them are from northern brazilia, so they’re virtually jubas. unfortunately none of them speaks english, but that didn’t slow me down much. actually the one i had a hot night with without having to pay him was this 26 year old portuguese guy who i didn’t know if he was truly hustler white or not. he spoke six languages and was way more sophisticated than the brazilians, so i didn’t know. he was my impromptu translator. turns out he’s more like an escort, like the paid companion type. we had a hot night of discos, bruce bailey quality coke, and nude tongue wrestling. i was in this crazy boutique hotel and my room theme was opium den, so we took our cue from that. very anne baxter in the razor’s edge. unfortunately he evaporated in the morning. hong kong was blow-minding. it’s so dense and glamorous. no suzy wong sex, but i had a blast. i went out with glenn’s friend frances, who has the hottest boyfriend ever, a korean handsome boy model named Song, if you will. i had a huge crush on him, especially after he took his shirt off in the underground club Darling Harbour. i have a new appreciation for the Asiatic strains. i have a hot case of bird flu. frances invited me to a party at the apartment of the guy who designs the lighting for all of hong kong. i told him he should check out palm springs if he wants to see good lighting. after ten days in hong kong, it was back to madrid for keifer sutherland (24). i finally broke down and allowed myself to be superhustled by the hottest brazilian at the bar, who could manage a little spanglish. worth every euro, i must say. one problem though. they all seem to have small feet. they’re a little top heavy. back to the grind in toronto. a got a little wee art grant, which puts a bandage on my hemhoraging debt. must grift harder. when are you going to berlin? x blab
***
Dearest Ms. Davis ~

Just wanted to tell you how utterly delightful the little things in life are to me. Like coming home on a cold (for Lost Angeles) evening to find a real honest to goodness postcard from NYC in my mailbox. Recognizing the little spidery handwriting and knowing my Ms. Davis is having a splendid time in the Big Apple (of Her Eye.)

So good to know that you are the toast of the town and having a ball. I sure do miss you, tho, and upon your arrival back to this fair city (well, I know you are OVAH Los Angeles, but I still see the glitter here and there), we really need to have a good old fashioned girly catch-up over dinner.

Miss you so much and wish you were here to laugh and carry on. Take good care of yourself and enjoy your travels.
Thanks again for the postcard!
xx0xx -
Miss Mary Mary

DER SEERAUBER
Autumn in New York gives me an existential charge. There is nothing like being in "The City" careening around the infinity sign of an Escherian beltway cloverleaf. I’m the guest of Performa 05, the first biennial of New Visual Art Performance, and brainchild of the mysterious Diane Von Furstenbergish RoseLee Goldberg.

Performa takes place throughout the isle at various galleries, spaces, and museos. The standouts being new work from Genesis P-Orridge, and Lady Jane, Coum Transmissions, Yoko Ono, Jesper Just, Michelle Handelman, Marina Abramovic, Christian Marclay, Gelatin, My Barbarian, Charles Atlas, Julie Tolentino, Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper presented by Eileen Myles, and yours so very truly.

Dreamy staying at the stately, infamous Chelsea Hotel, in a large room with marble floors and a fire place. So comfy and luxurious. Moved to a beautiful cacoon like lower east side flat of handsome matinee idol Tom Cole, which is closer to the Participant Inc. Gallery. Participant is run by hot teenage art czarina Lia Gang, the brightest, most formidable gallery director in the world, and et ella paisana who really knows how to take care of high maintenance divas like myself.

So many parties, receptions and events, so little time clock of the heart. Juicy Nancy Barton, sexy doctora Jose Munoz, and my favorite art child Jonathan Berger hosted a sumpteous gathering for me at the Art Department offices in the NYU Barney Building. NYU is bringing me back to New York in April/May where I’ll put on a Bricktops New York at Siberia and do workshops with the students. A hot gaggle of NYU students were my living sculptures in the Vanessa Beecroft piece that I presented. I just love me my NYU beauties. Thank you from the bottom of my black Beecroft heart.

Global editrix Glenn Belverio took me to a fancy dinner at this Francaise restaurant in the East Village. I ate lobster for the very first time---And I want more.

So glorious being able to hang out with Julie Tolentino, Killer, Conrad Ventur, John Sanchez, Patty Powers, Canadian supermodel Daria Werbowy, Steve LaFreniere, Marina Rosenfeld and husband Roz, darling Billy Miller of Straight to Hell, who is my east coast guru, Genesis P-Orridge and her lovely d-cup breastage, Kembra of VHKB, Miss Astrid, Coco Fusco, Catherine Gund Saalfield, Bibbe Hansen & Sean Carrillo who are now living in Harlem. O and lest I forget Ms. Mia Farrow with Rosemary’s 13 brittle babies.

Special thank you’s to Earl Dax for my resplendid Maritime after party, Dr. Munoz and his Martha Stewart delish Village Vangaurd bruncheon and pretty birthday gal, Linda "Les" Simpson for writing a hot article on little me in Time Out New York.

A*GAY*NST THE GRAIN
Living in rush limbo. I don't have an apartment in Los Angeles anymore. Whenever I'm in the tired city of Los Ang, which isn't often these days i housesit. If you have comfy digs with no plants, or pets that need to be taken care of, send me an emug if you need a celebrity babycrib sitter.
I'm so minimalist these days, and i'm enjoying not being encumbered.
Very successful series of gallery shows in Manitoba country and British Columbia. Canadians understand the me of myselfed I. All my best girlfriends are Canucks . . . Glen Meadmore, Judy Labruce, Patty Powers, Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras.
Unexpected tryst with ingenue Dax Shephard. I hate actors, but this toothy, wicked boy won me over with his asphalt milky mouth charm and swinging bick dique arrogance. As usual, i suspect nothing good will come of the encounter, but it was a pleasant enough diversion.
Mr. Shephard stars in an upcoming feature film called Zathura. I forgot to ask him what other movies he's made. i can't wait to see him on the silver nitrate screen. He sez that we did some heavy petting in the boydello lounge at Bricktops, but i honestly don't remember. He also said that he an Andrew Gould kissed in the DJ booth one evening at Bricky's when i was away performing in Europa.

ONKLE TOM'S HUTTE
Here are a few emails sent to me from my colorful pals Andrea Novarin who lives in London but is originally from Milan, and burlesque czarina Kitty Diggens who just came back to LA from Berlin.
***
Erm, it is not that adventurous... Graceland is a cafe' in the next block
from where I live now. They have free wireless broadband, so sometimes I
come down for breakfast with my laptop and spend some quality time
there.... Sugar daddy has not taken me anywhere yet, he offered a trip
to a village in the south of France, but going there i'd be isolated, hence
boring so I declined... I want a bit of sporting life as well when I am away or on
holiday...
I had a hectic few weeks while staying in a friend's place with my stuff
spreaded all over London, and I also spent almost a week sleeping in
saunas, but didn't basically do anything with anyone at the sauna as I was too tired, except fucking a hot young Irish ginger guy on the first night, actually
morning... I am now settled in a new flat anyway, in a quite family
oriented area just a 10 mins walk from Portobello/Notting Hill and not far
from Little Venice...
If you are going to be in Berlin again performing for New Year's Eve, and need help, let me know a bit in advance, I might reach you, as long as you promise me I won't catch bird flu on the plane...
Seen the other day a doc about Taylor Mead called Excavating TM and I
suspect that we'd probably end up that way.... oh, and next time we see
each other I want you to bring along your Swiss friend, the boy who stars in the movie from Garcon Stupide....

The Love Camel
***
Absinth Story from Berlin/and yes, my arrangement of sentences is BAD
Date: 10/18/05 6

Absinth Like many people trapped within the moral confines of this countrie's belief system , still living somewhat in Prohibition , I have for many year's read
and heard of and longed to obtain communion with that elusive "Green Fairy"
otherwise known as Absinth. I have on a few occasion's , had Absinth, but I had already been plied with other alcohol, so the time was not appropo .
When in Berlin , one thing on my list was to visit the Absinth Depot
,and I am so glad I did! I must say , it was one of the highlight's of my
trip! The Absinth Depot is a quaint little shop , with high ceiling's, so it
gives it a bit more depth where needed.I asked Tim to accompany me, and lucky for us , it was only a 10 minute walk from his place on Shoenhauserallee.
We arrived and there were 3 American yuppie's who arrived slightly before
us.The unassuming , yet charming man behind the counter gathered us before the
counter asking us 3 question's pertaining to what we were looking for in the
Absinth experience. Higher Liquor content , more Licorice flavor or the more "hallucinigenic" quality. We all eagerly expressed our enthusiasm for the latter.He began a presentation ( which prior to he expressed that if we were
actually going to purchase something , he would indulge us,as he did not
have a license to sell cocktail's) .He explained each bottle, it's origins
and content's of various propotion of herbs,alcohol etc, how it was made and
what awards it may have aquirred , if any.He then began pouring sample's of each that we were interested in to a little shot glass, and from a terracotta pitcher he added cold waterWe imbibed and discussed what we liked or didn't like or how it was
different from another , and believe me , there is quite a difference in
many. I believe I tried about 6 different kind's, all really unique .
The Yuppies left , leaving Tim and Myself to have our own private audience
with the Proprietor, whose name I believe was Hermann.... I appologised for being so indecisive , but I said I was poor and I really could only get just one,or maybe if the bottles were smaller and less expensive , I could get two.
I was also concerned about going through custom's with it .I would be sad if
I had parted with my valuable and rare dollars , only to have my precious
purchase confiscated at the airport by amature's who more than likely would
know nothing about it, but get to take it home woth them. He said that he had not heard of anyone having a problem,and my friend who told me about this place never had either. But with the current state of affairs with security,I did'nt want to take any chances. Anyway,while I was going back and forth between two possibilitie's, Tim inquired about some other bottles on the shelf., our host went to fetch one, and Tim said for him not to be troubled,but he had a stash down below ,and quickly began to pour some for Tim.When Tim asked what it was, "Hermann" said with a slightly mischievious tone "I'm not going to tell , you must try and tell me what you think it is" We laughed and Tim tasted and exclaimed "This is Marvelous , but I don't know what it is", then it was my turn. I sniffed it and it had a very woody scent,and then tasted it ,and determined it was hazelnut,and I was right. Normally I am repulsed by any kind of Hazelnut flavoring,but this was not
a liquer or an extract , but a distillation. It was pure distilled Hazelnut
,and it was really interesting.Next he began pouring another , it was like we were in the Cabinent of a slightly off inventor and he was excitedly rubbing his paws together at having us an experiment.
The next sample was Red , and immediately without hestation determined it
was Raspeberry. I love Raspberrie's and Tim dosen't so drank it down.
I finally decided to get the Serpis Absinth Classic. While I don't care
for Campari, this has a similar quality , but is very pleasant and mild.It
's color is Red and comes in a stately looking bottle. Not too much Liquoice
and not too much alcohol , measuring out at 55% and it is made in Spain.
While he was fetching my bottle ,I inquired about some other bottle's on a
shelf on the left . His reply was that these were Herb's. He explained a few
, but one caught my eye. This he said was Mandrake. Mandrake!?! I just about combusted into a million microbes in thin ir...... Surely , he must be joking , but no, he confirmed that he was not. How was this possible , and if it was , why did I not know that you could BUY Mandrake in a distilled form and in a bottle , no less? Immdiately he went for his lower shelf stash and in the twinkling of an
eye was pouring me a little glass of mandrake. I was jumping up and down and all over in one place.The Mandrake was in my hand , and I felt I should kneel down and pledgesome kind allegeinceI have kept Mandrake in my house , but never thought of consuming it , so here I go....It was to be expected,strange and bitter but not too bad really ,and it was Mandrake! Hermann said one little glass you get a nice high and two, you knew it was the Mandrake! This was a very exciting moment - I thought now my Halloween would be complete- High on a Mountain Top, a bonfire blazing ,sky clad drinking in the magical mandrake root ,being lifted into the air and carried off in a mist of witches on broomstick's , ghosts and miscelaneous Demons swirling
high above the Caverns of Hell like a scene straight out of Murnau's Dante's
Inferno...I was jumping up and down like a little kid high on too much
Haloween candy. It was an exciting moment ,and our Host was quite happy that one of his customers would know the exact purpose of this substance.At that point ,I was really torn , but convinced I had to have a bottle of the Mandrake ,but didn't have much money left, so decided to wait until tomorrow. We concluded our visit to the Absinth Depot. Thanking our host many time's over , we left place , my bag in hand and walked back to Shoenhauserallee , with the beginning's of chilly October air not bothering us one bit , because we were lit like furnaces and not even really noticing our lower extemities , I felt like the one vision of Alice with her neck stretched high head floating slightly atop .Visions of Green Faries and
flecks of gold whirling about our heads and we giggled all the way home.
And yes, I did return to the Absinth Depot ,just before midnight the next
day to secure my hold on that bottle of Mandragore which has a few words
which I loosely translate from Spanish to say " Hallucinegenic plant of the
Witches".

NICOLLETTE HARIDAN
I am so tired of vanity filmmakers, with their tired projects trying to get you to be in them for free. I am a poor person, i can't afford to work for free. And don't try to attach some Mrs. AIDS benefit or now the benefit dejour of Huricane Katrina, to try and illicit sympathy or to exploit.
I don't know how many people have tried to get me to be in this movie about The Pik-Me Up cafe. LA didn't get into the coffee house scene until the mid 1980s way after Seattle and San Francisco, who have always had those kinds of scenes. Well the Pik-me-Up was a little cafe on 6th and Labrea. It was one of the earlier LA coffee houses that opened after the Onyx, and before the huge explosion of sappy LA coffeehouses. I was never part of the Pik-Me Up or its scene. I only performed there twice. The first time when i premiered my band PME when it was just a one-time side project of the Afro Sisters, and then i did a reading with Exene Cervenka of X and her then husband Viggo Mortensen who is a big movie star now, because of the Hobbit movies. I never hung out at the place, i only went once as a customer when Joel Peter Witkin and his wife were in town and after going to Peanuts for Some are Some aren't, the Witkins wanted to go someplace else, and the Pik-me-up was the only place still open after 2pm. So i wouldn't have much to contribute for a documentary. Anyways, the emerging of the coffee house scene in LA isn't really that cinematically interesting or compelling, my spies who have seen this documentary that previewed at the Egyptian Theatre where the director works as a programmer, said its not very good for the same reasons that I've just stated. In fact one person told me that the highlight of the film is my appearance, where i lactate. I never signed any releases for them to use this footage of me in their documentary, so its pretty cheeky of them to include it. I guess Beck, Exene and Viggo, didn't want to participate. Of course none of them would appear in this film, especially Beck who is so esconsed in Scientology, that he certainly is not going to lend his name to something that doesn't do anything for him.
I can't tell you how many emails and phone calls a week i get offering me reality TV shows, or to appear on some kind of talk show, or banal sitcom. I'm not an actor, and i have no desire to be one, so I'm not interested in developing a reel or trying to get exposure, which is what icky music video directors say to you when they want you to come camera ready to be atmosphere in their lame project. Video directors are the worst. i really hate them bigtime---they are known for ripping off performance artists imagery.
So please let it be known to all you fledgling directors with scripts in your back pocket, that I'm not interested in being in your movies. This drag queen is not just happy to be anywhere. So please don't waste my time or yours.

SORDA SORBET
Barbara of Carpenteria cooked a wildly delicious feast for Glen and me. I ate like there was no tomorrow. Always have a great time with my lady Barb, its so nice to escape the horrors of the tired metropolis for someplace with a quieter pace. Barb screened a rockumentary of the odd rock performer Nick Name. Glen is obsessed with this Nick Name character. Of course the reason why Glen loves him so much, is that Nick Name is very good looking, muscular and masculine in appearance. The film was very revealing in that it showed the desperality that overcomes people in Los Angeles in the sad attempt in trying to navigate a career in the entertainment conglomerplex. Nick Name is no different from a majority of other strivers, his story is only redeemed by the fact that he is not very successful in conquering his Morman religious damage. He began his career as a middle-of-the-road country singer in Nashville and his good looks, and decent singing voice brought him some recognition in that millieu. Why he would want to become a punk rock singer is a mystery to me, and even some of Mr. Name's more thoughtful associates. Mr. Name should embrace his fundamental religious past, and settle down in a nice comfortable lesbian crib death relationship with another muscular and handsome man.
Saw the film "The Gospel" with the black German actor Boris Kodjoe. Mr. Kodjoe is one appealing jubas jubilee with a smile and body that is formidable, to be sure, but this film version of a Momma on the Couch Play, was very difficult to sit through. Even the gospel music moments were uninspiring---which says a lot cuz i love gospel music. My guilty pleasure of the week was the Ryan Reynolds film Waiting. I don't know why i love Ryan Reynolds so much, he is cute and has a great physique, but he's probably awful in bed, and is so shwarmy in that post sitcom way, that to be involved with an actor of his ilk, you'd wind up killing him after the very boring sex.
The one great film gem is George Clooney's period piece "Good Night and Good Luck" about newsman Edward R. Murrow. This flick is genius. Everything works, from pace to tone, i almost can't believe it. My only criticism and its slight, is the casting of Robert Downey Jr. who i've never been a fan of.
Been getting a lot of emails from Berlin requesting the lyrics to the songs I sang with my new band Ruth Fischer. When i premiered the musical group at the closing night party of the Poker im Osten festival i said that you should Forget about The White Stripes and Franz Ferdinand, That Ruth Fischer is the the band that is taking rock music back to its most raw basics. Anyway here are the lyrics to our songs I'm a Communist and Iraqi Boyfriend

I'm a communist (2x)
and i work for the CIA
I'm a communist (2x)
not part-time, but everyday

the left is right and the right is left
(repeat in deutchland)
I'm a communist(2x)
and i work for the CIA
i grift i steal i kill i lie
and i like to make little children cry
i'm a communist (2x)
and i work for the CIA

***

i need a hot iraqi boyfriend
and i need him now
i won't felate a dilitante
i must have a militante

his musclature
like Victor Mature
a beard and mustache
very long eyelache

the desert song
for my desert man
to live life long
my iraqi boyfriend

***

This enote from my talented Berlin lover Tim Blue:

My Dearest,

Absence makes the dick grow longer, or the heart softer, or something like
that. I miss you, too.

Yes, I think there is a conspiracy to make the entire world tired and
boring, which is why I insist on fun and amazingness to fight the
tiredness and hatefulness. For me, I felt that we were a warrior team,
husband and wife, slaying the Sleepies and trampling them underfoot. I get
so hot thinking about all the tired blood on our hands!

You got a great mention in the monthly newsmagazine TIP. Something about how great you are. (see Marcu for details) AND, you know the cop that freaked out and quit the
festival because our ride was "immoral". Turns out he was someone whose
lap you so voluptuously danced on while I spat blood at his feet!

I just got a note from your daughter, who seems well, Koen is in Poland,
Susanne returns today, and we are starting to get more work offers. YAY!

More later, but know I love you and miss you!

Mucho Ammo,

Teem, the Multitanic

and this emug from Marcu Siegel the cheap kolektive's co-captain:

Hey Miss D

so much T, so little tttttime tonight we're going to have dinner with daniela, your husband, and miss kitty diggens, who dearly departs for the states tomorrow morn.Daniela has prepared some kind of vegetarian delicacy, so S and I will take
along Salome.

I just got a mail from Sasha, who's still all dreamy about the CHEAP
intensity period with Miss D. I happened to him too.

so yeah, T and D and I were at the Theater an der Parkaue (the
children's theater in the East where we're doing our Dr. Seuss
installation and where Susanne will be directing her Erika Mann
lesbiana play next year) to see the premiere of Fred's (the IT
lighting gay) new play. Fred did the set this time around. It was
actually quite beautiful, just hundreds of different chairs. We ran
into Sascha, the head director at the theater, and a nice bald guy
who also did something in Poker in the East. He told us the dirt that
a member of the BKA (that's the Bundeskriminalamt, the same force
that sought out Baader and Ennslin and co.---something like the
national police force, a kind of FBI agent) was in IT and was
scheduled to sing in the police choir that was performing in Sascha's
piece. Apparently, this big black drag queen--YOU--zeroed in on her
and sat on her lap during the piece, while your husband Tim,
sputtered anal blood on the secret agent's patent leather shoes!
Afterwards he ran into Sascha, told him he just saw this incredibly
immoral piece, IT. Sascha said he saw it and liked it. The federal
agent said he was dropping out of Sascha's piece because he didn't
want to be associated with such filth. Sascha said that the pieces
weren't associated at all, they were just in the same festival. The
fed said that he nevertheless doesn't want to be affiliated in any
way with such scum. GOOD WORK MISS D!

yeah, and TIP has a section called Berliner Lexikon, which includes
little paragraphs about a variety of subjects organized from A-Z. And
for this issue, you're letter V!: Here's a quick translation. I'll
track down the web connection and send it out to you:

"V Va/gi/nal Da/vis (Drag Diva, Actress, Performer and Event maker in
LA) Should one be scared or happy? This question hangs in the air
when one looks at the almost 2 meter tall black drag diva with the
wide shoulders. Possible feelings of fear disappear as a result of
her warm smile. she is a permanent part of the nightlife in LA, where
she regularly hosts 20s parties in an old bordello. With her direct
manner, she even caused the actress Gwyneth Paltrow to get all red in
the cheeks.Now she's been mixing up Berlin--more exact HAU 2-- where
she appeared in the piece "It happened to me." She also hosted a
small series of parties called the "sonderwirtschaftszone" (special
economic zone). The opening night already had the potential of
becoming one of the hottest party tips in the former West Berlin. The
SWZ partys are now over, but Ms Davis finds Berlin so appetizing
that she has planned further projects. They may have something to do
with a Berliner man who is about two heads smaller than her, a man
who she repeatedly trapped between her legs to kiss. (Jackie A.)"

I'm really happy that TIP wrote something about you. I'm forwarding it to HAU.

Everyone at HAU is all abuzz about Ruth Fischer, the band! Carena,
the theater curator, said it was an amazing performance. That it
destroyed everything about punk music and all that remained were the
questions. She's told everyone about it, so now there's a big buzz.
Gunda, Matthias L's assistant, just called Susanne to ask her to be
in some tired NY perf group's project. S was like, unsure about it.
And Gunda said, just come, meet them and play a song or two from your
punk band. HAU loved the closing night party too. they just sent us
an email and want us to do something for New Years.

ok. dear, gotta get going to miss kitty's dinner. Susanne just walked
in and sends a big big kiss to you. Having you here in Berlin and
working together was magic! It's such a joy and an inspiration.

we all send our love
marcu

Ps- i'll write again soon with more dirt about the festival, the lack
of press that others got, about michelle's falling down stairs and
barfing on matthias haase's brand-new yuppie hardwood floor and other
berlina highlights....

BLANCHE TOO SWEET
Co-hosted with Marcu Siegel the closing night party of the Poker in Osten Festival. Huge success! Tons of people clamoring to see the spectacle that has become the Cheap collektive and pals. Andreas Bernhardt the famed make-up artist for the Paris collections and Thierry Mugler, once again beat on some fine faces. Susanne done as a flawed beauty, with one side of her face burned and melting and the other gorgeous perfection. Serbian thrombone Dragan was the dapper wolf boy, Tim Blue, the man without a face, Daniela aka DJ Nancy was a Kiss Star Eye and Marcu wearing Andreas' Gaultier newsprint suit with matching newsprint headress was the tabloid kingpin. La duchess was the personification of the Whoracle et Delphi, with eyes covering my concubine face. I also wore the couture gown that Belgian Designer Koen Claerhout made for me. Some of the tired actors who performed in the plays in the festival that were not very well attended gave us all attitude at the party. Don't blame us that no one wanted to see your theatre piece. Berlin, like any other major city has its score of jealous, hating biatches. The crowd was mesmerized by my pretty black widow daughter Michelle Carr of the Velvet Hammer and Kitty Diggens, who brilliantly combined Miss Amerikkka and Carrie's Blood prom. Met and flirted with the sexaline Israeli dancer Assaf Hockman, who performs in Catherine Sullivan's avant grade theatre pieces. The Peres Projects gang including owner Javiar, Asiatic Punk Boy, Andrea, Sarah, Melena of Los Super Elegantes and poor ecstacy overdosee Dean Shashima, who is too cute, young and talented to always be such a messy mess. A word to the wise: just buy a hot hustler, and get your girlish gnut---you can afford it.

Was bumped up to business class on the grueling flight back home. Thank god. Missed the apocalyptic forest fires, but not the oppressive heat, so wound up in a daze for the last three days seeing movies like Capote, Garcon Stupide and Everything is Illuminated directed by that big dick arroganca jewish boy Lieb Schrieber, shrilling for an oscar nomination, which he won't get anytime soon, though his debut directorial effort isn't half bad. I loved his choice of casting that ill Russian bootie pie. Capote features a spot on impersonation by Phil Seymour Hoffman, and the beauty of a young juicemonger actor playing the cute killer. Garcon Stupide is only good for its well hung and uncut lead actor and a sizzling mulatto futballer, who for some reason reminded me of a masculine version of Malik from My Barbarian.
Professor Doyle took me out for comfort din din at the Kitchen, we caught up on lots of our traveling adventures, and ladylikeness. Thank god for the Doyle.
In Berlin the magazine Spex did an interview an also a TV thing filmed by Jurgen Bruning, Bruce La Bruce's producer. Had a nice time with Jurgen, who is a dollface. We gossiped about Rick Castro playing all hollywood upon their first meeting, using Marcus Basticda as bad lawyer cop asking Jurgen whose name would go first in the credits and how big they would be, as the initial meeting for Hustler White. Can't wait to hear what Rick Owens has to say about bad Ricky staying with him and Michele Lamy in Paris, i'll also get the scoop from Rebecca of Zoo Magazine who is meeting with him too. Quelle Frommage!

CORRECCIONES
Oops as usual i made a big mistaka in my drunken reportage from Thursday evening. The Peres Projects, Berlin opening was for Asian Punk Boy aka Terrence Koh. For some reason i thought "Slava" Mogutin was performing, but actually Terrence Koh was performing a lovely ritualistic butoh cocaine freebasing whirly burly boy-boy show featuring some very tiny, almost pre-dimunitive, but muscular and washboard ab-eled art players. it was a virtual art world cornacopia with a heavy accent on the copia with everyone who is anyone grifting the art world in attendance. Nice seeing british Fred and his moula posse. That Fred knows how to bank coin. Also little Dean Shashima and Melena of Los Super Elegantes among the dazzling hoite poloi. Congrats to sweet Javier and the beautiful, luscious Andrea for pulling off such a major tour de force and exciting partycus that Berlin really needs.
My escort for the evening Sasha of Heartcore Records and the Cheap Collective made oggle at all the booty pies and later Shasha and i had a nite cap at Barbie Deinhoff where a sweet little Olympia Washington boy dj´s an eccletic mix of tunes.

NAZIS RAUS: AUS DEN KOPTEN
My screenings at the Arsenal-Sony Center was incredible. Fantastic, enthusiastic cute crowd. The movies, looked amazing on the big big silver screen. A few glitches but nothing major. Koen Claerhaut the sizzling young Belgian couturier designed a de-constructed gown for me that was luxuriant, sophisticated and beguiling. Everyone loved the dress and it fit me to a proverbial Ta-Tina!!! Susanne, the star of Bruce la bruce´s raspberry reich beat my face so that i looked as pretty as she is. Ruth who edited my berlin stories after 4 years of sitting in a can, did a masterful job. Ruth works with laurie anderson, and is such a major major talent, it was great having her represent at the screening along with the rest of the cheap crew including Daniela who played piano while Wo Ist Manfred? screened.
Kitty Diggens and my daughter Michele Hell Carr of the Velvet Hammer are both in town and will be performing with me at the closing night party of the festival, Poker im Osten, which will be my last performance here in berlin, tomorrow-sunday. Monday is the national holiday of reunification so the city will most likely be sleeping.
Special thanks to Stephanie, Oishi and the gang at the Arsenal for inviting me, and taking me out to a late nite dinner afterwards and for the lovely wine reception. They treated me like a goddess. The celebs in attendance were Wilheim and Annetta, Berlin´s number one art couple, jurgen bruning, the producer of bruce la bruce´s movies, franke potente, and a bunch of famous journalists,cultural & art critics.

AUSSTELLUNG SHARPIES
2nite is the opening of the peres projects gallery in berlin. cute little javier told me he was going to have an annex to his la gallery in germany, but i would have never guessed that it would open so soon. Yuroslav Mogutin, the hot russian artist and star of Bruce la Bruce´s Skin Flick aka Gang of Four Skins, will be doing a super love sexy performance at the opening. i can´t wait to go, it should be a major event and should show these germans how to get down and party and not stand around looking glum and depressed, which is what i´ve been seeing a lot. Things have certainly changed since i last was here in berlin for a long time back in 2001. i guess globalization is to blame for the lack of sexy energy in the streets, highways and byways.
One thing i have to say is there are some ill looks and hairdo´s worn by these Germans. Their techno, rave damage is just atrocious. That love parade look is way too tired. yuk. the other day at a bar i saw this boy with an ill palm springs orange tan, curly mullet and acid wash, and i don´t think he was trying to be ironic. the poor thing was actually going for a sexy cum hither look, but was only pulling off cum dither or cum phylis diller.----yikes! the gay world in berlin is super gay. its like they took everything gay in the states, put it in a blender and tripled it to the fourth extreme times 177,000. its sooo gay its really depressing. i can´t even find anything amusing about it for a good old fashioned vaginal davis chuckle. if i move here i will definately have to create my own scene, and i believe they are ripe for it. well haven´t i always had to create my own scene no matter where i´ve been?
Got an email from some guy named Jared who says he is the new owner of the Funeral Parlour, and that he is interested in my doing Bricktops there. If things couldn´t get more by love bizarre. i also noticed that Lenny Young of Lenny and Squiggy fame, the former owner, also sent me an email, but of course i erased it without reading what it said. What a strange development this is. This Jared is supposed to be the manager of Jones and Bar Marmont. Is he running the new space for Sean McPhearson? What exactly is going on here. Are they going to change the place into a yuppie palace? This Jared guy says its going to stay funky, buy funky does he mean like the good luck bar? is that his standard of funky cold medina? If anyone out there in cyberland has any thoughts on the subject please email me. i´m trying to check emails everyday at the internet cafe while here in berlin. for some strange reason, aol won´t come up on my friends computers because their machines are too old, so i´m forced to go to a cafe and spend euros. oh welpsis. i finally found a new cafe around the corner from my apartment that i like and its pretty cheap.

hopefully today i will go with Sasha to see Slava´s Wigger show at the Deschler Galerie. Slave put on this show of his photography and the drawings of some very young kid named Brian Kenny. i also have to meet with ruth, the film editor to see if she was able to finish editing my berlin stories experimental shorts that i made four years ago. i´m hoping to premiere all of these made in berlin movies at my screening at the arsenal Friday, so please tell all your intercontinental balistic pals. At the closing party of the poker im osten festival i´ll premiere my new band The Ruth Fischers, which is bound to blow Franz Ferdinand out of the water.

COMMUNISTA MOUTH
Had a blast at the Hau 2, where Cheap was dj-ing. Hung out most of the evening with the pretty girl who programs The Arsenal, where i will be having my screening on friday. She just got back from vacation in new york and toronto. she and i both don´t care for babies, pets, cooking and cars, but not necessarily in that order.
Tuesday Sasha took me to dinner on the Casting Allee which he calls the trendy street, and that is a good name for it. After supper it was drinks at the Morgenrot, a vegan cafe, bar and kollektiv, with macrobiotic cocktails-----i kid you not. the tired barmaid was smoking a joint and it took forever for her to make our pina coladas, but when we eventually got them, they were delicious. Sasha is so sweet. He is mixed Bosnian, Croatian, Serbian and Montenegrian. Wow! how is that for a pedigree.

BERLIN MARATHONIA
o my, the berlin marathon re-routed my tram line on the premiere day for it happened to me, making the lady late for make-up and hair. The premiere was a smash hit. it all came together bringing me fond memories of cheap jewelry 5 years ago. The hard part was doing 3 shows in a row. the piece is only 20 minutes, but the energy it takes to generate my performance really leaves me drained. it happened to me leaves the audience a bit disoriented. it was hard to read the crowd for the first two performances, we are coming at them so strong and relentless. The moving stage is fantastic, but it took a while to get use to performing on it. Special kudos go to make-up and hair designer Andreas, who works for Thierry Mugler and does a lot of the Paris shows. Andreas and his assistant Steffi gave us that tight look that put this piece over the top. when you look that good, you really dont have to do anything else. the set design and lighting by cecile and fred rocked. Who knows maybe this piece will be resurrected somewhere else, there has already been some sniffing around by Tokyo, Sidney, Oz and Montreal. The after party at the Hau 2 was a delight as well. I premiered my VD as VB installation and the kids looked so good as living, breathing statues. Kisses to the beautiful Lisa Marie, handsome Jurgen, delicious NaNa and sweet & cuddly Andrea who helped me so much 5 years ago at the Podevil and Praeter. Also shouts to DJ Ipek of Salon Oriental, and the incredible Rhythm Kings. Also got to meet the sexy and tasty Barbara Panther, the 1st daughter of the Black Panthers. She is a goddesa. I got so drunk at the after party hanging out with cutie pie Ruth, Annetta, Wilheim and making out with Sasha from Heartcore Records. That boy is an insatiable flirt. I´ve known him since he was 16, now he´s going to grad school.
Treated myself to a nice message therapy session. boy did i need it. feel very relaxed and spiritualista. Got to see all the hunky berlin marathon runners. Were they running away from my all too needy love?

REVITALISIERT MUDE GESICHTSHAUT
oh thank you dr. hoffman of new germany! i can walk again and talk. my waiting time at his office was only 10 minutes. i guess he thought i was a much bigger black celeb then i currently am. the no nonsense head nurse broomhilda was not featuring my black jungle realness and the fact the doctor was spending so much time flirting with me and ignoring his regular patients. he even gave me some hot drugs to take that leave me a bit woozy and my heart facing like i did a richard pryor bout of freebasing. 2nite is the premiere of "it happened to me" excited and nervousa.
no major romance to report except for my crush on british cnn news reporter Max Foster. he is one juicy sloane ranger type with a very pronounced penicular. my pal joel gibb of the hidden cameras had a short fling with him and he turned into a jerk, but he´s nice to watch in the tv that comes with my berlina flat.

FUR MEINE GESUNDHEIT
The poltical clime here in germany is messy. A few days ago was the national elections, but no main person received a majority of the votes. Angie merkel of the christian democrat party is even more brittle blonde over the results. Angie is germany´s Margaret Thatcher. I certainly haven´t picked the best time to want to become an expatriate. History always repeats itself so i should expect the return of national socialism in all its full fury at any moment. Well if not Hitler, Who?
Went to the housewarming party with cheap collektive of this gay little boy art whore named Reiner something or other. One of the dullest parties i have ever attended. The German art crowd is even more boring then the LA and New York art scenesters. sitting around a table that you never leave doth not a party atmosphere make. couldnt wait to leave and go to the 1 year anniversary party at barbie deinhoff, hosted by hot french drag king Eliot, who is amazing with her butch gallic charms. A frail queen who has worked with the cheap collective named william who went by the name of Bonny Guitar on this evening did a nice performance with theremin in hand. ive been told this nelly is an american from the south and is betrothed to a swiss ganymede. i have to give the girls in berlin credit for bumping bush with each other. ive noticed that a lot of ugly people find other uglys and wind up in some kind of wedded bliss. hurray for them. i also loved the performance by kitty diggens jr. to music by the dresden dolls. was a hoot seeing that cute Matias from cheap jewelry and the incredible Alessio who besides working for B Books tends bar at Barbie Dein.
Rehearsals for it happend to me have been moving along nicely. the only problem being that my head cold has gravitated to my knee, so i can`t walk very well. the theater has paid for me to see a dr. hoffman, who treats the actors and dancers. he has nice offices in Stadmitte area and i think a little sugar in his tank. wish i had access to my own physician in Amerikkka----fat chance.

DOING DIRK BOGARDE
Cheap assistant koen claerhoutoen is a lovely young delight. i am typing this from the offices of the hau theatre, thanks to beautiful koen who looks like a boy version of Gudrun, who was our assistant for cheap jewelry back in 2001. koen is so organized and professional. he is one blondine who will go very, very far in this world. i love all the staff of the hau theatre. they are all so nice and seem eager to work on our dainty little project which is really taking great shape. the set looks divine.
met joel gibb of the hidden cameras at the kanstanalle turkish eatery tower of babel and we chowed down. joel is crazy in love with a hot young opera director and wants to move to berlin to be close to him. later joel took me to Barbie Deinhoff for drinks, and i met his cute friends, one is a writer for a monthly glossy and wants to interview mark and susanne about their unconventional sexy relationship. i loved the barbie deinhoff, so dear and the hot dyke barkeep Eliot is a cabaret star and drag king.
Gorgeous celebrity sighting of irm hermann the star of fassbinders films The bitter tears of petra van kant, merchant of four seasons, fox and his friends and ali fear eats the soul. she also was in the fassbinder theatre company. she is in the same theatre season that i am in and looks amazing.
lots of work ahead, and i have a bit of a head cold and sore throat, which is bringing me way down to chinatown.

CRONACA DI UN AMORE
Got a phone call from the great underground film director John Aes-Nihil of the Aesthetic Nihilism Archiva telling me that the beautiful young demi-god Nick Ash was upset that the Raggazi Room that Nick, John and Stanton LeVay masterfully created for my Outfest Platinum Oasis event in 2002 wasn't mentioned on my web site. That room, which was the best of all the 40 representing at the historical Phist PFuck Palace, The Coral Sands Motel and Resort, was censored by the Outfest board of directors, and remained controversial for a year afterwards. Well i didn't intend for it to be censored on my webpage, I send stuff to webmaster Larry-Bob, and my site exists because it piggybacks off of Larry's Holy Titclamps Site, so Larry pics and chooses what goes on it. My site only exists because of Larry's generosity and support of my career. I'm a poor, ghetto 22 cent artist who depends on the kindness of others. So i hope that clarifies the matter a bit. I adore John Aes-Nihil, Stanton LeVay(i'm his great aunt) and the gorgeous Nick Ash who is the most strikingly intoxicating young man I've ever laid my eyes on. He is a ginger haired gorgon who mere mortals must kill themselves after gazing upon his perfection so as not to taint the atmosphere.

Received a piece of erotica from legends legend Ms. Kari Khrome of the Runaways fame. I'll post the first part of the story today and the second part when i return from Germany.
From Kari Khrome:

Let me preface this bit of dykeporn by saying that 90%
of gay women are stick in the mud judgemental cunts. I
took the porn challenge offered me recently, and this
is what I banged out. I got so much shit from my gay
"sisters" you would of thought i was a terrorist
coming to give them clitendectomies..(or whatever it's
called) well guess what? Im a sexual terrorist, and
dont leave your daughter or mother alone with me,
cause I may fuck her senseless while your back is
turned. Having said that, I forward you this, which
will come in 2 separate emails.
Hope youre living your life as large as I am!
The Silent Treatment
by Kari Khrome

im not a bad lay, or so ive been told. I mean,
everytime ive been going down on someone, ive received
nothing but the full tilt boogie sound effects from a
happy woman. but this time i was flumoxed.
i met her at a club and we started talking at the
bar. she was a pretty brunette in a slipdress and 40
pumps. i bought her a drink. she bought me a drink.
about 4 rounds later she asked me if i wanted ditch
the bar and go back to her place, where she had some
brandy and quaaludes. i gave her my arm and she hooked
hers through mine, as i watched her ass swing back and
forth under the material of her dress as we walked
out. she had quite an ass. I love to look at ass, i
dont know what it is, but i would rather look at a
womans backside than look at her tits. i mean, the
whole overall picture is essential without a doubt,
but if a pretty woman walks by in a dress and i can
watch her ass sway by im pretty much done for. my
favorite thing in the world, is to flip them over and
fuck them from behind while they're on thier knees, or
to sit them down on top of me and hold thier ass while
they fuck themselves on my dick. i can come in two
seconds flat. now i know by now your probably
thinking Im some bonehead guy getting his rocks off in
his journal. well, im not. i just happen to be a
really femmy looking chick that loves pussy. when i
say femmmy i dont mean skirt and long nails fem, but
long hair and make up fem. i still wear the pants and
the boots, and that usually throws em- but that's
cool. im not trying to win friends and influence
people im the role playing department. in love with
pussy. i like to eat pussy, i like to fuck pussy, i
love to smell pussy. if you could bottle pussy and
sell it, i would be the first idiot in line with my
money out, no questions asked. i like the smell of a
woman, i like the way they walk, i like the way they
talk, i like the soft little things they do, and
everything else about a woman. i like guys, and
sometimes i fuck guys. i'll get a bee up my butt one
day, and some gross construction stud with a Burt
Reynolds moustache will do something that sets a light
bulb off in my head, and i think to myself, "he's
gonna rock my world". and next thing you know im
sucking his dick like a woman thats been on a deserted
island for 10 years alone. and everybody goes home
happy, and i never have to see him again. i dont fall
in love with men, i can only fall in love with women.
its like wanting an apple once in awhile when really
youre just dreaming about peaches. anyways, we get
back to her place, and its a funky little place in
hollywood with hardwood floors, and an unmade bed, and
nothing in the fridge but some beer. we get in the
door and she shoves me down on the couch and busies
herself lighting candles and moving her mirror closer
to the bed. she comes back out with beers and brandy
and a baggie full of weed. by this time i have a huge
grin pasted on my face. not only am i gonna get laid,
but shes got party favours, and shes wearing a garter
belt with old style panty hose. she throws one leg
over me and sits down on my crotch facing me, and
blows the smoke from a joint into my mouth. i inhale
the hit and hold it as long as i can. im rubbing her
thighs and her ass cheeks and we making out like two
dogs. shes rocking back and forth on my crotch and
sucking my tongue, and im getting that warm liquid
feeling in my belly. and i roll her over on the floor
and take my belt off so as not to hurt her, and get on
top of her and press my pussy onto hers and it feels
like were on fire. were just laying there panting and
suking each others mouths and grinding the floor into
dust.

SYLVIAN EMARDING
Drag Qing cut-up Mo. B. Dick took me to brunch Sunday at Pipers. Mo has been living here in Los Ang for a year or so. She's looking good, and is a woman with great boundless energy and a soothing presence. I loved hearing stories about her travels to India with the Peace Corp and the minutui of her large Catholic family. She really comes from a background of social conscienceness, which is rare these days.
Ran into handsome Gordie of Woodpussy fame. We talked on a Silverlake sidewalk for over 2 hours catching up. He's the star of a cable TV homemakeover show that sounds amazing. Gordie is very created and a sensational talent. When Woodpussy performed at Club Sucker, they would always transform the space into a special environment. At one particular show they brought in gallons of water and poof-The Garage became Swamp Woodpussy.

Also ran into Don and Augusta who had come back from seeing David J. of Bauhaus fame perform with his new project with Mr. Uncertain. They said it was fantastical. Don & Miss Augusta aka: Penny Starr Jr. filled me in on all the national burlesque scene gossip and hijinks. It seems that there is this upstart named Bella Baretta from Seattle who has come to town is self-promoting herself in a big way. After the Velvet Hammer stopped doing a night at the Derby she took over, and has been swooping down on LA with a vendettakated vengence. She even teaches burlesque classes. She had contacted me about doing something at Bricktops a while back, and i looked at her webpage, but the image she was presenting didn't exactly set me on fire. Now she's going to do a 20's club. After flack from Bricktops fans accusing her of not being very original, she's changed it to 20s/glam. And so the korld turns. . .

QUOTATION FOR A RUINED CITY
New Orleans, the city of my Creole peoples. No one of my immediate family members live in that part of Louisiana anymore. They are all scattered to parts many and varied, but i do have some friends that were living in the French Quarter---the famed F2M Jake Miller and his girlfriend Elaine who owns a tatoo and piercing shop. I just got word that they escaped to friends in North Caroline, but i still haven't heard from one of my oldest pals Lisa Cohen and her daughter. Lisa is a South Afrikan artist who has lived in the Big Easy for almost ten years. I'm praying that she escaped.
Everyone should heed what is happening in the Gulf. Because when it comes to biblical disasters of epic porportions. Los Angeles is next, and mark my feral words: You ain't seen nothing yet. When it implodes here, it will be more devasting then one can ever imagine.
Got word that Steve-O, of the punk rock band The Vandals died of an overdose of Oxycotin, the heroinesque drug of choice by the wealthy and the powerful. Back in the 80s i shared some flirtatious times with Steve O and Mike Ness of Social Distortion. Ah the olde days . . . when white punk rock boys and black drag queens could take pleasure in each other.

Mari Kono came by to take my measurements for a dress she's having made for me that will be featured in a spectacular photoshoot we're going to do where i will portray Princess Ozma of the Fairyland of Oz. Later in the evening Mar'Lou de Luna and Hal Marinas came by to pick me up for dinner at Cafe De Village in Larchmont Village. Every few months MarLou and Hal treat me to a fancy din din and desert at the PDC. We always have a wonderful time full of laughs. Ran into Professor Doyle's next door neighbor, the cute blondine film school student Jason. He was with some droll look-a-like date, who gave me a weak dismissive handshake, and i swear this woman could pass for his sister. O who am i to judge someone else's incestuous love affair. Let he who is without sin cast the first Sharon Stone.

LESBIAN DECK BUILDING
I'm all moved out of my apartment on Hollywood Blvd and Bronson. The place is completely empty and yesterday i turned in my keys. I still haven't been paid my so-called relocation fee so that the stupid new owner can jack up the rent to market levels. This is the second apartment I've been gentrified out of in three years, which is the sorry state of Los Angeles circa 2005. There is some comfort that I'm not the only one who has had to be displaced.

The girl who owns the Silverlake boutique Pull My Daisy, has been through it 4 times i believe. She now lives up above the Eat Well Diner, and her new owner didn't make her move, but illegally charged her an extra $100 dollars. Mario Diaz of HOt Dog fame lives in the same complex, so the rent must be astronomical as he complained that he would not have moved there if Lenny Young,the icky owner of the Funeral Parlour had given him a warning that he was selling the bar. Mario was paying very cheap rent in the apartment building that he and Jackie Beat lived at off of Melrose near LACC and the Flex Compound.

Dadster Ron Athey helped me move the larger items, like my broken divan that i sleep on, and an Eames Chair. Daddy got all homo depot lesbiana on me at my studio, and started to rip out the ceiling panels which conceal that i have a good 5-10 feet extra space above. Of course a royal mess was made, that i was in no mood to clean up. Decided to hit the midnight trawl for their half-priced room special and next door to me was Marcus Bastida's ex law school pal, Erik-La,who i believe is still a closet case crooked junior politician from Northern California. I didn't recognize Erik-La as its been years since i've seen him haunting and staulking the saunas and back rooms of our fair Galinda. He's lost tons of weight and looks more rugged and i dare same somewhat butch realness handsome. The weight loss is probably from Crystal Meth usage. Well Miss Erik-La was carrying on with some Jubas Jubilee with a huge willis and bubble butteria. The two of them together must have gotten shanked by at least 20-25 mandingo warriors working a tag team effort. I thought they were lovers at first, but overhearing their loud drug deluseadaisial conversations i was able to daduse they just met that evening. What a laugh it brought me. I can remember when Erikla paid Rick Castro to take some pics of him so that he could start a modeling portfolio. He figured that even though he was dorky, his bland white looks could get him work on the catwalks of Japan.
Wednesday night I was treated to dinner by the lovely art couple Malik Gaines and Alex Segade of My Barbarian. Malik is a baby faced lovesexy mulatto, whose father is the famous black artist Charles Gaines. Alex has lovely, radiant skin, bright, short eyes and is a mixed CubanaRican/caucasoid mix. Along with pretty Jade Gordon, they have been performing consistently for the last few years, and have attracted a nice national following within the avant rock and performance art scenes. They've also created their own showcore movement, becoming more Bob Fosse/Liza with a Z, then Bob Fosse or Liza with her intact Z.
We had a wonderous time at dinner talking about the inanities of trying to do work in such a difficult climate here in Los Angeles, which offers very little in the way of support to creative folk. Its so juicy being around talented youngsters who are doing really new and magical things. Stuff that LA doesn't really deserve, because LA just takes and takes and gives nothing back. I have such a love/hate relationship with my city of birth so i won't bore you with my complaining. I just feel proud of the children like Malik, Alex and Jade that make me feel hopeful about the future. I'm olde and yesterdays news, thank god there are some youngbloods out there to take my place, who can really conquer.

GOAT ISLAND
Horrible heat wave rolls into Los Ang. I'm miserable in hot weather. Wasn't in the mood to hang out with french designer Hedi Slimane of Dior Homme who is in town for god knows what. Mr. Slimane is very sad eyed, but very cute and normally i would have felt like playing host to him. Last time i hung out with him in London when he was all wrapped up in the house of that junkie rock boy Pete Dougherty late of the band The Libertines. Peter is a charming messical and a lot taller then i thought he'd be, and packs quite a bulge in his pantaloons, which is why i believe he became the muse of Mr. Slimane. English boys with big peni get to go far in this world.
Had a very sweet post birthday din din with the delightful and talented young artist Cory Marie. We ate at the Kitchen in Silverlake -- yes, two pretty teenage girls just hanging out and looking good.
Met handsome latin hungthrob Cesar Vega at the Brite Spot for breaky. That Cesar has some nalgas on him. You can build a dream on that bubble butt. The boy is quite an entrepreneur. He's starting his own production company soon.
Later in the evening i performed as Buster Beaute' my male character at the last Velvet Hammer show. What a spectacular closing affair. My drag daughter Michele Hell, really tore it up with this fast paced frolic. Michele is moving from tired LA to Berlin. She's just going to get up and go---i don't blame her, thats the way to do it. Do it properly! I know she will have lots of success, because heritage burlesque is just now catching on in Europe and she's perfected it, so i know they will appreciate her more on the continent.
The Hammer show at the el rey was really bubbly and bright. Begining with the ballet histrionics of Mina La Fiama, and continuing with juicy Jewel of DeNial, maji Trixie Von Halse, the crack whip antics of Lipstick & Lashes featuring Brian Chic and the Princess of Hollywood Miss Pleasant Gehman, who just gets younger and younger. I really enjoyed the host and MC who was telling some stinging fag jokes, and Jason El Norte playing a Lurch like cut-up of a butler really was a nice touch. The modern day vaudevillians like Rasputin and his Wayland Flowerlike puppeting, The Fabulous Kawalski Trio, 10 West featuring a tall hunky manchild, Katia the trapeze artist for Circa Soleil and Rubber Boy who demonstrated that he could not only eat out his own bunghole, but also suck his big pinga at the same time. I adore contortionists, especially if they are boyish and dreamy, and i'd do anything to be able to service Rubber Boys every sexual need. Starting by licking him from head to toe. Wowzina!!!!!
Of course my daughter Michele as Valentina Violette wowed as well as my Epilady Bobby Pinz and the great Rebekah Del Rio closed the show giving everyone chills from her sensational voice. Hope i didn't leave anyone out, if i did it was because of the intense heat, that continues even as i write this in a steamy unairconditioned room.
Saturday Jason El Norte helped me move things from my Hollywood Blvd apartment. The heat caused me to sputter and i lost my keys for a minute, and i went crazy. Luckily i found them so all wasn't lost, but i was so distraught i wasn't able to make Jeffreyland Hilberts birthday soiree at La Plaza
That sizzling hairy chested, tall prince of Judea, Les Rubenstein came by and visited me. He lives on the same street as daddy Athey on San Borne. I got so distracted by the young boys beauty that i forgot i was supposed to have brunch with my god son Immanuel de la Felaise and his pretty hapa daughter. We went to lunch at Pipers on Western and Beverly and was joined by artist Mari Kono who sold her Silverlake compound and bought a house up in the mountains of Wrightwood, where she's really enjoying life to its fullest and prospering. Mari looks like she's 17, but is now 38. I have known her since she was 14 working at the store Scooter on Melrose Avenue when i worked at Retail Slut. We have had a very long friendship and i adore her.

UN AMLETO DI MENO
That wonderful Brazilian artist Eli, The Vivid Astro Focus Boy sent me an emug about his travails with MOCA here in LA, with this upcoming exhibit in the fall. Eli asked me and the kids from My Barbarian to perform at the opening, and we all planned to do some really extroidinary things, but of course the powers that be had other ideas that certainly excluded our funky cold medina selfs. It seems to me that MOCA never intended to have us underground types perform, but was intent on having a superstar DJ like the ugly and overrated Paul Oakendullard. After having dealt with the owner of the Funeral Parlour, i know of which i speak with that type of mentality, that I've seen at action at MOCA for years with the way the treated my friends Marilyn and Lauren Quintana. I felt like i should have warned Eli, but he's young and needs to experience it all first hand himself and formulate his own conclusions. Here is his emug with all the particulars so that you my dear reards can have insight in what its like to be an artist under such an oppressive climate that we are subject to in this day and age:

well guys

i dont even know where to start

i guess this is so typical for these old rotten institutions

we were at MOCA working yesterday and then the two girls responsible for opening party event came up to us and needed to talk. they told me the director of the museum intervened in the opening event subject (for the first time according to them) and demanded that they had paul oakenfold DJing at the opening party. they told us he's got personal connections apparently with oakendull (what i thought was kind of weird: who is this guy? an ex-E addict rave trillionaire?) and who would supposedly be playing for nothing or very little. this is the way he wants to go for the opening which will be so dull that it hurts. they also told me that he doesnt want to detract the attention from dull oakenfold and asked for the performances to happen in a different night. the girls told me then that they are on a printing deadline and cant even argue since paul schimmel is way on holidays and completely unreachable. at least thats what they are saying, they have no power to contest the director's decision.

apparently the other moca space's been having these special saturday nights in which they extend the museum hours till midnight and have special events happen for free: DJs, performances, etc. the director talked about the possibility of doing the same for the ecstasy show and suggested a night curated by avaf that would include your guys performances and whatever dj we want. the only thing is that this is still not certain. they are checking on the possibility of doing this and promised a response as soon as possible.

i feel really bad about this and want to stress that in any moment this was mentioned as even a possibility before. again just to make a brief history: i told paul i wanted to contaminate his curatorship and bring performances to avaf's space. he told me that because of fire and security issues that we couldnt have performances in our space but that we coudl have them outside at the opening night party. then i get here and there is all that crap about big name dj and music act. then they dropped the whole big name thing and now this.

it's hard to trust them i feel they are always hiding something (ran into very similar problems at tate). but want to assure you guys that this has nothing related to me. they are flaking out on you and me. anyway, i think it would actually be better to have a special separate night for you guys (unfortunately not as many people as the opening, they told me they have around 1,000 visitors instead of 5,000 for the party) in which we could do whatever we want to.

but i know this is totally disrespectful with you all (and me) and it's really up to you if you want to continue on this and go for this possible saturday night event. i just thought i had to be sincere wth you and let you know whats going on even before their final response.

on another note, we had an idea related to vag and wanted to check if you would be up for this honey. we were thinking of having a guerilla performance anyway at the opening party inside our space. we could provide you with a mic and you could have some background music. let me know if you are interested on this, we wouldnt be telling anything to moca people. wish we could offer the same to d'argento/my barbarian (unless you guys want to do something more impromptu without instruments).

i'm really sorry for this situation. i love you all a lot and my only wish with this invite was to praise our relationship and our admiration for you. but unfortunately we have some big monster in btn.

lemme know your thoughts

sorry
love
eli
assume vivid astro focus

HEIMFAHREN
Had power bitch meeting with daddy Athey at his Silverlake compound. We’re both tired of being exploited and want to fight back by opening up our own space, that will also function as a living quarters for this doll of a little girl. Can you imagine having something of my very own that would function as a regular working/living space and where I can put on events as diverse at Bricktops and Spicy Beef Curtains? According to Ron a lot of those Chung King Row galleries are financed by silent partners, namely business people who want to back the arts. So perhaps we can find someone to finance us. I hope so. If there is such a person out there, please contact me pronto.
Had lunch with Barbara of Santa Barbara and Ms. Meadmore at the French. Wonderful time with these two lovely ladies. Ms. Meadmore has finally dumped his hustler lover Monty, who is bipolar. It took being kicked out of yet another apartment building because of Monty and his antics. I’m so glad Ms. Barbara is in Glen’s life. She is the only husband that he needs---a female husband. Male husbands are not worth their grain of salt.
Visited Ms. Shauna Leone at her MAC make-up lair at the Glendale Galleria. Hadn’t been at that mall since the early 90s. I’m not exactly a mall girl. Had a delightful little girlish giggly Gertie time with Shauna, she is the ultimate beauty pie, and a true flapper.
Saw some rare silent films from Scandanavia at the Melnitz Theatre at UCLA. One from 1910 featured Asta Nielsen, who does this erotic tango with a hunky lover that is downright nastyola. Asta actually grabs at his genitalia, and he has a right mighty package ta boot.BEAUFIFUL. I had to leave the last film early as I didn’t want to be stuck in tired Westwood waiting for an autobus. The elderly gentleman playing keyboard during the film remarked to me that it was nice that someone was really laughing out loud and getting into the picture. There was a good crowd at Melnitz but those westside people can’t react to anything with their sad blank faces.
Friday, that gem of a gem, Mr. Mark Simon helps me move out of my bachlorette apartment on the Hollywood Bronson coridor. The tired new owner has turned the place back into a motor motel and also some weird kind of halfway house with drug addicts or I don’t know what damage these people have, its so BEYOND, and I really can’t figure it out. From 10pm-3am its really quite animated right outside my apartment window with so much loopy shenanigans that I can’t even explain it properly. I don’t have anyplace to move to, but I don’t care. If anyone without any pets or houseplants wants a housesitter from Sept 1st to the 8th let me know. After that I’ll be in Berlin till Oct 10th, then after that I’m most likely in Toronto for another month.
Saw that mainstream comedy film, The 40 year old Virgin. Nice guiltina pleasure. But if the lead was working as a shopgirl in an electronics store, he certainly would not be able to afford such a nice apartment, even in the god awful San Fernando valley. A real 40 year old male virgin would be still living with his parents rent-free. That was my one pet peeve with this flick. Enjoyed Romany Malco’s performance, and he’s one hot juicy jubas jubilee, but his white lover Paul Rudd needs to go on a diet. He’s too young to be so squishy and doughy, though he does have a nice round bubble butt that I’m sure Romany’s huge black penis tears up on a nightly basis. ROW!!!
Got a call from my pal Billy Miller of the Manhattan Review of Unnatural Acts. He told me a hilarious tale about a friend of his named Timothy Peacock who besides sniffing vinegar, loves to get down with elderly gentlemen, make obscene phone calls and fornicate with horses at the stable in upstate New York where he works out of. Equus!
Saturday was treated to a day of beauty regiments from Mary, Mary Pagone. That darling, gorgeous lady, is so generous and loving. She really takes care of her friends. I’ve been so depressed with the end of Bricktops and Mary doesn’t miss a beat in coming to my rescue. Cory Marie picked me up and we started the day off at Mary’s Park LaBrea Garden Apt, drinking coffee and eating dainties in the luxury of Mary’s warm and welcoming flat. Then off to Jackie’s Nail salon, where Miss Mary bestowed upon me the gift of a delux mani and pedicure, massage & wax therapy session. Pure pure unadulturated heaven. I felt like a movie star honey!!!! The Korean staff at Miss Jackie’s was very accomodating and sweet. And my poor dogs needed treating. Years of punishment with high heels way too small, like Japanese foot binding had left me in a state.
Then Mary took us to the Grove for an incredible bruncheon at this cute little restaurant near the musical fountain, where we people watched all the hot young mensis while eating and sipping Mamosas. Who could ask for anything more? Thank you Mary, Mary----you are the bestest!!!!!
Oh and special kudos to Miss Cory Marie for designing the posters for my new show in Berlin, "It Happened to Me" I love them, they are perfecta!!!

DINNER WITH JOSEPHINE
Had a delightful midnight supper with the great Josephine Baker as channeled through Reny Monk. Madame Jo has a cute apartment in the east egg of Weho that is furnished with lots of old timey black memorabilia and deco furniture. A scrumpteous feast was set before me, and I devoured it. Madame Josephine is getting close to presenting a big spectacular at the Alex Theatre in Glendale. If it all comes together it will premiere on New Year’s Eve.
Ran into Kim Jones earlier at the Farmer Market. I hadn’t been at the market in ages, but I started to crave my pupusas. Lots of hunky eye candied specimens were abounding and bursting out of tight shirts and pant. It was nice having a sweet old girlfriend from back in the day to oogle and aagle over the luxury of young men. Both Kim and I agreed that the new fashion accessory du jour at the Hollywood Farmers Market is a baby. Lots of hot men with a child strapped to them or pushing them in a souped up stroller. This is certainly one trend i can live without.
Did I forget to mention that author Judith Rossner of Looking For Mr. Goodbar fame died and also actress Barbara Bel Geddes who was so perfectly lesbiana in Alfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo and later on TV in Dallas as a butch granny bopper.
Monday night met with Eli, the incredible, young Brazilian artist who goes by the name Vivid Astro Focus and his pal Christophe at the world famous Spotlight Pub. Eli is doing a big show at MOCA, and wants me to perform as part of the opening night rituals along with My Barbarian. We had a fun time drinking, stinking and living it up. I turned the boys on to whiskey sours and they eat it up. Then I pointed them in the direction of The Study for their Blatino night. I wanted to join them, but I have so much to do before going back to Berlin.
Looking forward to my spa treatment gift courtesy of the divine Mary, Mary Pagone. Mary and I will be joined by the lovely and talented Cory Marie Saturday, for a nice post Bricktops girly, girly day of pampering.
On the ick front: Noticed an email sent to me in my spam folder from that pathetic little infidel Lenny Young, late of the Funeral Parlour. For once the spam filters did their job, so all I had to do was hit delete. The nerve of that dimunitive pariah, like I would be interested in anything he’d have to say.

KADA VADIM
Went with Daddy Athey to LA Weekly literary event at El Cid for John Albert's new book. Hot hunky big peniled John is married to the lovely Miss Ronna. All of the Hollywood punk rock olde guard was in attendance. Had a nice time chatting with legendary punk beauty Kim Jones, whose adorable son Max was floating about. I love it when my friends have nice children. There is nothing worse then a sullen brat. Kim and I go way back to the 80s. She and Donita Sparks of L7 use to be at every Afro Sisters show, and they were always the lifeblood of every hot party i use to attend. Kim is married to another great beauty, Monty Messex who at one time was the most desired boy of Melrose Avenue, when he worked at Flip. His Charles Dickens street urchin waif boy look was way ahead of the curve, mixed with porceline skin and doe eyes, he was something to behold. His girlfriend at the time was Valerie Vaughn who was also at this Weekly party. Valerie use to work some hot looks like Kim Novak lavender blonde hairdos and wearing beige ensembles. Can you imagine beige during the punk heydey. Only Valerie could get away with that. Also beautiful buxom Swee'P was also at the soiree. I don't go out very often, so i never see this many old pals from my youthful days of glory. Oh and i have to mention Hal Negro. He looks amazingly youthful, fit and trim. I love him. Mr. Uncertain was providing the musical entertainment. Word up to the Weekly on how to have a better party: Provide free drinks with the free food. We arrived so late, all the food was gone, so it would have been nice to have had a nice cocktail on a humid summer eve.
Got together for lunch with gorgeous Kimberly Kim of North Korea at the Soup Plantation. So nice being able to spend quality time with her outside of the Funeral Parlour. She is so wonderful, and we had a nice girlish time together.

Handsome and studly Brian Grillo invited me over for a country double dick fried chicken, and collards din din. Brian isn't just a talented singer/songwriter he's a forocious cook. Wow! i stuffed myself silly and later we watched Joan Crawford in Straightjacket and some other nuttyfilm from the early 60s that featured the Long Beach Pike and Angels Flight. I love Brian's apartment, its minimalist but very warm and giving. The building is from 1910 and his view cannot be beat. Brian is one of LA's treasures.

PREGGERS
Yes its true Angelina Jolie is preggers with a butt baby. My friend Edith's ex husband is working on the new movie The Good Shepherd starring Ms. Jolie, and Matt Damon and they've had to step up production. This would have never happened if only Angelina kept seeing my pal Jenny Shimizu, aka Chicken, the hot japanese dagger who became a big junkie supermodel. Angelina and Jenny made a movie together and like most girls who meet Chicken fell crazy in love with her. They still occasionally bump bush, as Ang can't get her completely out of her system. Just thought you'd all appreciate a little Hollywood gossiperia.

DIE JUNGEN MACHEN IHR EIGENES DING
Meeting of the Black Girl Coalition with my sister girlfriendchild, writer Lisa Teasley for her birthday at Picholine on 1st and Virgil in V. Villa’ge. We are having a hoot of a time, and the stately owner of the Chocolatieria is highly enamored of the major Ms. Gorgeous Lisa T. Lisa is doing so well with her career. She has a literary agent and someone representing her books, being turned into films which makes a lot of sense--Lisa’s writing is very cinematic. Have to pick up a copy of the August issue of Real Simple Magazine. Lisa has a piece in it.
Speaking of le cinema, I’ve been seeing a lot of movies lately. I sometimes forget that I’m a writer and journalista, and I don’t always go to the screenings I’m invited to. Hell I even forget to write about the movies I’ve seen in the past few months, so lets do a bit of a recap shall we of the mainstream films I’ve seen:
Mr&Mrs. Smith with Bradgelinastein, and I have to admit it has its moments that are intriguing for a Hollywood vehicle. The director Doug Liman is quite adept at tone, and there is no denying the chemistry between the stars. Ms. Jolie gives Ava Gardneresque, of course she still has a long way to go before she reaches the heights of la barefoot contessa. Brad is still a handsome man, and according to Robin Givens, who use to date him, he has quite a nice peterfication on him. His pretty peni has been serviced by both women and men, during the course of his long career. Back in the late 80s I designed a t-shirt for a charity organization that Robin Givens started called Go Hard or Go Home. At that time Robin was the big star of a bad ABC TV series and El Brad was the male ingenue, who couldn’t afford to pay for his own happy meal. Like most Hollywood aspirants who are attractive, Mr. Pitt kept company with older gentlemen of means.

The Island, reminds me of Logan’s Run. I adore big peniled Ewan MgGregor, and Scarlette Johanssen is lovely and appealing. Former model Dimon Housou is one amazing jubas jubilee, I’d like to share in some brother-to-brother buck and chuck with him.

9 Songs by Michael Wintersloppybottom of the delicious 24-Hour Party People is daring and I’m happy to say it really works for me. The sex scenes have a stark quality that was quite lyrical. The dark haired English dude looks like a rougher Ben Chaplin and I can’t argue about that cruel sleek club on him or the drippy torrent of jizz he spews, and the American girlie reminds me of Amanda of the Ditty Bops. Her tomboyish body and casual flair transformed this into art where it could have easily gone down the drivel trail.

Wedding Crashers-My guiltina pleasure. Sort of fell apart in the end, but the first 45 minutes is pure and unadulturated. It would have been great if they had crashed a black wedding though. Can someone answer me why is Vince Vaughn looking so bloated? Is it water retention? Is he preggers with twin butt babies?

At UCLA Melnitz Restoration Evening I saw the silent Menschen am Sonntag-Germany, 1929 directed by Robert Siodmak and Edgar G. Ullmer, whose daughter introduced the film. Great seeing Berlin during the Weimar days. I’m glad I hardly ever use real actors in my experimental short subjects. Bruce La Bruce is correct in comparing my one reelers to Passolini’s. Also the English film Underground directed by Anthony Asquith. I couldn’t help but think about the London bombings in the tube, seeing their subway during the 1920s in this pic. Why is UCLA so tired as a campus? Walking across the grounds to the bus stop, I found it hard to believe that I use to work there as a day job for over 10 years.

LE BLUES ENTRE LES DENTS
The end of a Barbara Carerra, Friday Aug 5th with Bricktops, at what now can be called the Funeral Parlour. Great evening of performances starting off with Jose Promis, the latin thrombone, and heartfelt crooner, followed by the always enchanting La Poubelle Twins, handsome and patrician Kristian Hoffman with Kira Vollman and the great legend Mink Stole. Crowd pleasers Amanda Barrett of the Ditty Bops with dimunitive cutie pie Michael Lucid and their Pretty Things performance collective & filmworks kept things roused, and everyones favorite dynamic and masculine singer Brian Grillo, accompanied by his sweet former Extra Fancy bandmate had both ladies and gentlemen swooning with busty lust. Velvet Hammer's Michele Carr(the drag daughter of hostess Vaginal Davis) took purging to new heights with a striking performance that featured the shearing of her dark rapunzel like tresses----INCREDIBLE!!!! Taxi Dancing diva Mary, Mary Pagone set the tone for the entire night with her luminesce presence and glittering personality. My Barbarian's youth quakers Malik and Alex were exuberant, Mark Simon and his Boyfriends were dashing,Fishnet Floozy Anna Bells,one of burlesques most voluptuous ingenues, gave it her all, and is ready to be crowned a princess in the neo heritage movement. The buxom Penny Starr Jr. radiated warmth,a good time Sally spirit and superstar appeal. Marquis of Hobo Jazz showed why he is a major new contender on the vaudeville circuit, and sexy slinky minx, Reny Monk the grand-daughter of Thelonius Monk brought Josephine Baker back to life in such a way that mouths were left agape. There is no question about it, Reny IS Josephine Baker!
Abby Travis, complete with classic beauty and rich vocal tones really captured the essence of the jazz age with her haunting presentation. Oh and i can't forget that giant bombshell,the one and only Miss Selene Luna of the Epiladies, with her Amber alert routine-----pure genius is as pure genius does. Isn't that a quote from Gertrude Stein?
The only fitting close to the evening was David Lynch muse Rebekah del Rio singing her signature song with chilling poignancy, underscoring her recent tragedies with elegance and courage.
Special thanks to bar dom Kimberly Kim, the true heart of Bricktops and the regular bartenders Tony aka Squeeky Blonde,and George of the Island of Lesbos, and Joshua Algonquin for DJ-ing. I'm so overcome and overwhelmed, that i want to apologize to anyone I've left out, there are soooo many people responsible for the success of Bricktops. I also want to say sorry to those who weren't able to get inside for the last Bricktops at the Funeral Parlour, it was my hope that all could partake free of charge and drink for FREE all the liquor in the joint. If i owned the space that would have been the case, but alas black drag queens rarely own the clothes on their backs, let alone,their own home, a car or a pub.
I'd like to thank the Parlour owners Lenny and Sguiggy, i mean Andrew,
for allowing me the use of the space for the past three years. Now hopefully they can concentrate on spending more quality, unending time with each other, without the nuisance of a huge, smelly Negro getting in the way. All the best.

RADEBERGER
Last night in Berlin. Went to see this short subject from the late 80s at the famed Arsenel. The pic stars Darek Jarmen as Pier Paolo Passolini. Wasnt the best film, but it also wasnt the worse. Marcu and Daniella of the Cheap Collective hated it. Finally found a copy of Zoo Magazine with my article on Visions, Balkans. The Mag looks incredible. I love the interview with Bruce Benderson and accompanying photos also the Joe Lally spread is hot hot hot. Had a beer at the Shaunhauser Allee beergarden. That Sex and the City actress Kirsten Davis was sitting at the nearbye bench. Her face is frozen in one expression, poor girl.
Friday i went to the Pepper Mountain beergarden to have drinks with the Cheap Kids and famed experimental filmmaker Wilhelm Heinz and his photographer girlfriend Annette. Wonderful time with them. Wilhelm knew Al Hansen. Wilhelm is very sexy
and doesn't look like he is 65 years old. He could easilz pass for 50.
Later that evening i went to Babylon, this boy stripper palace that is like a male Flashdance. All the dancers were too femme and had bad hair and equally bad outfits. Stopped for a drink at Tramp, a new bar with the most drunken bartender i've ever encountered. Everyone in the place was so ugly that they were fugly. Found it very amusing. Saw that hack film director Jochan Hick outside of the icky Haffen bar. Jochan is sortof a younger version of Rosa Von Praunheim. Saw a profile he wrote about the LA porn scene in a German magazine. Is he still exploiting the porn world? I guess everyone needs a grift.
Electrical storm saturday lit up the sky. got something of a gnut at Tom Bar in a weak scene i was the epicentre of. spent hours after that chatting up hot Hungarian bartender. What a rack that kid has. A lot of the German bars are hiring youngsters and replacing the salty dogs.

OHNE GUMMI GEHT ER MIR AM ARSCH VOBEIL
Dinner at the aristrocratic philosophy student Matthias Haase beautiful homo moderne apartment in Kreutzberg, overlooking the danube, with the most expansive view i have ever seen in Berlin. Supper wasn't as awkward as expected. Matthias has been working on his disertation for several years and is the follower of two philosophy gurus from Pittsburgh, so he spends a lot of time in the states, and most of the guests at the soiree are his collegues. One of his pals, was a bona fide sexy humpy dork, who now lives in Boston, but has a German baracuda femme top girlfriend, who obviously wears all the slacks she can find. Matthias never formerly introduced me to his new girlfriend, who is Korean. His old girlfriend Laurie was Chinese, which makes him a heterosexual RICE QUEEN. Matthias is the beauty of all beauties so i couldn't fault him for the odd dinner menu of thai style curries with no salade, desert, coffee and fending for ourselves when it came to drinks. The proper host would make sure all guests are properly introduced and given cocktails before dinner. Elsa Maxwell you are so needed in the modern world.
Was fantastic running into the divine Alessio one of my Cheap Jewelry castmates who now works at the anarchist bookshop, BBooks. Alessio is as stunning as ever.
Later we went back to the Frankenstein 3000 Bar, but it was dreary with all the faggots just standing around not doing anything. Too bad, because it was crowded but with lacklustre energy. I won't be returning there. The Greifbar aka: The Vaginal Davis Bar, was also pitifull. Blame it on globilization, but i'm afraid my new Germany is becoming too much like the United States.
Started filming the electronic segments of the new piece on location at the GDR Monument Park. Attracted a huge crowd around us---of course. Susanne is amazing in action. No one gives more, and is so of the moment. Tim Blue is also a delight. He is so effervescent and childlike. I always have a good time with him.
Did interview with Manuela of the gay newsmagazine SiegeySoule. I know i'm spelling it wrong. Manuela is a hot dagger who also works with the Berlin Film Festival and hass been to Platinum Oasis. Her offices are very sleek and designy.
Went to Freidrickshein Park to cruise the German Brambles. Not much hot action, though i did get my girlish gnut from some tired skinny man who looked like a nervous accountant. Lets face it, I'm really not a park queen. its way too dark and I'm not that into nature. Met the Marcu, TimBlue and fearless leader SueSue at the Fredrickshein Teatre Beergarden. We were supposed to have drinks with Hannah Hurtzig, the German version of Lois Keiden, but she bailed. Went by the Pik me Ab Bar, still as tired as i last remember it, and he Nekkid Bar which was also lousy. Gave the Greif one last chance to redeem itself, but it wasn't up to the task. Talked to a chubby American who has lived in Berlin for 5 years and a German Cha-Cha and both of them agreed, that Mrs. Berlin ain't what she use to be, which is sad.

DER KONTRAKT DES ZEICHNERS
Friday the Cheap collective met at a very cute cafe in Kreutzberg, with an even cuter waiter serving us. We discussed a myriad of ideas for the multi-visual component in the new piece, and met with tech director Cecile, who i thought was a dagger doodle, but she has a boyfriend. i love Cecile. She has a great personality, is Belgian and use to teach at Cal Arts---she really knows her stuff. i think Cecile should perform in the piece, her beauty needs to be seen on stage. Cecile gave us a tour of the stage we will perform on at the HAU theatre. Workmen were putting in a new floor so it was like being on a construction site. Some of these workmen were pretty fine with large asstrovars. yumm. The theatre is gorgeous from the Weimar days. Later that night Tim Blue and i went to the Frankenstein 3000 bar, which is Bruce La Bruceäs fav hang in Berlin. its a cute little pub, but i could have done without the longhaired cha cha queens prancing about. in the darkroom i was attacked by 1000 hungry mouths. its nice being popular. on the train ride i was attacked by a 21 year old british ginger boy, studying in berlin. he sure had nice freckles and a bubble butt. zowya! late late night we go to the Vaginal Davis Bar & Grill where two megawatt Germans put on a hot sex show with their giant peters splashing and drippping in passions embryonic embrace.
Saturday our beautiful fearless leader Susanne the star of Rasberry Reich cooks a mighty delicious feast at her glam compound. Susanne is a divine goddess that all of Berlin worships, and no one can say "No" to. We watched videos for inspiration, Tobe Hooper Funhouse, Young Frankenstein, Tales of Hoffman, The Bandwagon and Freaks.
Met up late night with an investment banker who i engaged in a heavy petting session. i was such the tease, playing this giant dong German player leaving him with blue ballszs
Sunday was my one day off---sunny and warm. Ran around the city siteseeing and manseeing a juicy big tittied indonesian exotica, a tall germanicus beauty of unparrelled zest and other gorgons too numerous to mention, ah Berlin i dont want to leave you ever.
monday collaborated with cheap collective on short newspaper article creating myths surrarounding our new project. fun writing together. ran into laurie and boypal outside of cafe. laurie was the sexy canadian choreographer of cheap jewelry back in 2001. will see her again on tuesday at her ex beau Mattias philisophical dinner party. Mattias is a young beautiful German aristrocrat who co-wrote the text for Cheap Jewelry.

GESUNDHEIT
Long, dull plane ride on British Airways. Thick UK blondine with bubble booty is the only piece of useable eye candy. Royal greeting from the Cheap Collective at Tegel Airport making me feel like a star. All the Cheap players Marcu, Daniela "Danniethy" Romana, the great Susanna and Tim Blue--the newest member of the company who has been here for a year and a half, and is a bright bubbly piece of Spring air. The Children of Cheap look so young and fresh. its been five years since i was last in Berlin, but they all look like they haven't aged a second. The weather is perfect. I'm taken to the Communista Pizza Parlour on Schonhauser Allee---lots of major ms. gorgeousness abound----i'm become obsessed by a baby dyke boy with peaches and cream complexion. Prenzlauer Berg has changed so much and become very yuppiezed like the rest of the world. More boutiques, sidewalk cafe's and trendoids of every shape and persuasion. Wednesday is our first brainstorming session chalking out ideas for the new piece. Marca has us on a tight schedule-like a gash like a wound. Daniela cooks a sumpteous meal and i'm reunited with Cheap Jewelry cast member Yvonne' who has changed his name to his original Serbian Christian moniker of Dragone. I finally meet Daniela's italian beau Piero, who is very good looking and speaks Portuguese, German, Spanish and Serbo Croatian.
Later in the evening Tim and I go bar hopping in the Prenzlauer Berg faggot district. We go to one of those trendy lounges where there are a lot of prissy philistine queens, then head over to the Vaginal Davis Bar aka: Greifbar. So many hunky spunks abound, but we justt have a great girlish time chittle chatting and i never even make it to the back room.
Thursday luncheon from the hot Turkish place that makes mean shwarmas that is on the same street of Praeter, then off to Kreutzberg to check out the cafe where the opening party will be and discuss decoration. I'm going to do another Vanessa Beecroft parody piece at the party, which works nicely because Madame Beecroft was just in Berlin. More brainstorming at the spacious and lovely apartment of Dragone. Dragone has a cute lesbian doggy doodle and an intellectual boyfriend who is a philosophy student working on his Phd. Of couse its raining casti catore, which is a bit of a drag. I take a disco nap and then decide to go on the prowl in Schoneberg. I grab a
bite to eat at this little quaint Chinese cafe then go to Scheune Bar, where i've never been before. I also peruse the Euro porno at JAXX basement which is sortof like Drake's circa 1987. No serious action for the lady at Scheune bar, but i did get felt up. Wind up at Tom's Bar and i meet a hunky French dude who tosses my salad for a bit. I wasn't in the mood to do anything else, and he calls me an American Puritan, so i tell him he's a selfish Gallic Libertine. We wind up talking for a few hours, and he's hysterical. Don't leave bar till 4am when the subway is running again.
Friday we have a big productive meeting with hot no-nonsense dagger Cecile, the technical director of the H.A.U. theatre. I like Cecile---she sizzles. Then we go to the GDR Palace which some artists are turning into a mountain art installation that the Cheap Collective will do a performance in along with Kitty Diggens who will be here at the end of the month. 2night we go to an opening of D. L. Alvarez then Tim and i will hit the Kreutzberg prowl zones and wind up back at the Vaginal Davis Bar & Grill. Lets hope i wind up getting down and dirty with some hot young feller.