GESUNDHEIT
Long, dull plane ride on British Airways. Thick UK blondine with bubble booty is the only piece of useable eye candy. Royal greeting from the Cheap Collective at Tegel Airport making me feel like a star. All the Cheap players Marcu, Daniela "Danniethy" Romana, the great Susanna and Tim Blue--the newest member of the company who has been here for a year and a half, and is a bright bubbly piece of Spring air. The Children of Cheap look so young and fresh. its been five years since i was last in Berlin, but they all look like they haven't aged a second. The weather is perfect. I'm taken to the Communista Pizza Parlour on Schonhauser Allee---lots of major ms. gorgeousness abound----i'm become obsessed by a baby dyke boy with peaches and cream complexion. Prenzlauer Berg has changed so much and become very yuppiezed like the rest of the world. More boutiques, sidewalk cafe's and trendoids of every shape and persuasion. Wednesday is our first brainstorming session chalking out ideas for the new piece. Marca has us on a tight schedule-like a gash like a wound. Daniela cooks a sumpteous meal and i'm reunited with Cheap Jewelry cast member Yvonne' who has changed his name to his original Serbian Christian moniker of Dragone. I finally meet Daniela's italian beau Piero, who is very good looking and speaks Portuguese, German, Spanish and Serbo Croatian.
Later in the evening Tim and I go bar hopping in the Prenzlauer Berg faggot district. We go to one of those trendy lounges where there are a lot of prissy philistine queens, then head over to the Vaginal Davis Bar aka: Greifbar. So many hunky spunks abound, but we justt have a great girlish time chittle chatting and i never even make it to the back room.
Thursday luncheon from the hot Turkish place that makes mean shwarmas that is on the same street of Praeter, then off to Kreutzberg to check out the cafe where the opening party will be and discuss decoration. I'm going to do another Vanessa Beecroft parody piece at the party, which works nicely because Madame Beecroft was just in Berlin. More brainstorming at the spacious and lovely apartment of Dragone. Dragone has a cute lesbian doggy doodle and an intellectual boyfriend who is a philosophy student working on his Phd. Of couse its raining casti catore, which is a bit of a drag. I take a disco nap and then decide to go on the prowl in Schoneberg. I grab a
bite to eat at this little quaint Chinese cafe then go to Scheune Bar, where i've never been before. I also peruse the Euro porno at JAXX basement which is sortof like Drake's circa 1987. No serious action for the lady at Scheune bar, but i did get felt up. Wind up at Tom's Bar and i meet a hunky French dude who tosses my salad for a bit. I wasn't in the mood to do anything else, and he calls me an American Puritan, so i tell him he's a selfish Gallic Libertine. We wind up talking for a few hours, and he's hysterical. Don't leave bar till 4am when the subway is running again.
Friday we have a big productive meeting with hot no-nonsense dagger Cecile, the technical director of the H.A.U. theatre. I like Cecile---she sizzles. Then we go to the GDR Palace which some artists are turning into a mountain art installation that the Cheap Collective will do a performance in along with Kitty Diggens who will be here at the end of the month. 2night we go to an opening of D. L. Alvarez then Tim and i will hit the Kreutzberg prowl zones and wind up back at the Vaginal Davis Bar & Grill. Lets hope i wind up getting down and dirty with some hot young feller.

LA NOTTI BIANCHE
Wednesday was the US Premiere of Ron Athey and Julianna Snapper's The Judas Cradle at the Disney Hall's Redcat Theatre. The Judas Cradle was presented in association with Outfest's Platinum Experimental Series. It was exciting seeing this piece in all its fully produced splendor. I'd seen the workshop bits and pieces but being able to see it fully realized was the ultimate in paradinic pleasures. I'm not sure if the US is ready for a performance piece that is so genre bending. America likes to pigeon hole things, and if they can't find a space to limit it, they usually dismiss it. Ron has taken his career to a new and more exciting level, pushing boundaries in ways not thought possible. Julianna is a marvel of beauty, talent and grace, with a voice that is downright thrilling. These two together are unstoppable. And Amanda the sound designer, who also plays butt trumpet during the performance is a supreme wondermint. I adore her. Its a shame that Ron has not been presented formally in his own country in more than 10 years. With this piece that may change.
The after party in the REdcat Lounge i hosted and presented an installation called "VD is VB Black and white men and women together forever." Participating was a range of artists like writer Lisa Teasley, The Toxic Titties Collective, Lesbians to the Rescue, Lukas Michel and photographer Matty Lipp. I also had raging beauties like, Kimberly Kim of the Parlour Club, Taj of 13 BC, the personal piercer of Janet Jackson and Christina Aguillera, Jean Spinosa, Mary Mary Pagone, Japhey Rockerfeller and Matthew "Bubble Butt" Guggenheim. My living sculptures were a wonder to behold, and of course everyone got wild and drunk. I also showed the Billy Miller video that goes with my song, "Tom Cruise Loves Women" and it was a very timely hit with the crowd.
Later i went to the juicy lesbian club at the Gauntlet II that Xochtl hosts, and danced the night away. I was floating in an alcoholic splendour when artist Nao Bustamente(sister of Lt. Governor Cruz Bustamente) whisked me into the ladies room to shnort some cocaine. Two toots up each nostril, and i was sober. I'm not much of a druggy, this was only my third time doing cocaine---hard to believe eh? I'd like to become a dope addict strung out on heroine, crack and crystal meth. Somehow i doubt that would ever happen, as i don't have an addictive personality, but one can dream can't they. When the bar closed my entourage took me for a midnight snack at Echo Park Bright Spot.
Thursday i was taken to luncheon at Cafe Des Artiste by LA Weekly Deputy Editor Cadillac Joe Donnelly, of the big, fine, round ass, and Christine "Qtr Pounder" Pelisek. Had a wonderful time hanging out with them.

Later that evening i went to the Directors Guild to see the short film "Beyond Lovely" that i have a small role in. The sound was really high and screetchy everytime i heard my voice, and i didn't like how i was photographed. Us black folk need a lot more light. Gwen Turner looked amazing as always.

Friday morn i met the legendary Penny Arcade for breakfast at the Standard. We had a great time spending some quality girl time together. I forgot to ask her how it was to work with Margo Howard-Howard. Well next time i see her.

Later i decorated the Parlour Club for our ee cummings tribute and rehearsed with Mr. Uncertain who is looking good with his new Cruella DeUncertain two toned hairdo. Had my face beaten to an inch of its life by Mama Make-up aka Sharon Gault. The famous make-up artist that was featured in Madonna's Truth or Dare. Swedish couture designer Morgan Olsen also fitted me with a brand new gown for the Friday show and i looked radiant in it. Morgan use to be a high fashion model and is one hell of a talented and beautiful girl.

Bricktops was incredible. Dr. Robert Summers the ucla art historian to the schtars started the night off with a little lecture/soothsaying and message therapy complete with candles, oils, scents and products. Very engaging. Then Mr. Uncertain and friends took over for a performance that was spellbinding. That Mr. Un really knows how to surprise. He is truelly gifted. Madame Bricktops joined him for a rousing medly of their greatest Bricky hits including "Yung Frau" the german drinking song, "I wonder who's kissing him now" and "Waterfalls" Then famed San Francisco cabaret star Robbie d and broadway ingenue Hope Levy and her black orchid trio. Buttons Sinclair was the taxi dancer and we also gave pirate Jenny a nice birthday sendoff to her native Montepelier. The hot celebrities included Bruce LaBruce and writer Jonathan Sofran Froer who came with lovesexy actor Chris Evans of the Fantastic Four movie. This is the second time in two weeks that Chris has been to the club. Something tells me that he has a little sugar in his tank.
Spent the night at Hector's and woke up early to go with him to Camp Pendleton to see the Triathalon. All i can say is hot hot hot men with very large feet, asses and peni. My Cornelius eyes were popping. After the race was over we went to the nuclear nude beach at San Onofre. I did the ho stroll through the valleys, caves and crevices and squirrel got her gnut from this nudie patudie. Of course traffic returning to Los Ang was brutal and we missed the Bruce La Bruce opening at Peres Projects. Later in the eve we went to Jeffreyland Hilberts birthday party for his ex-love Ozzy Ozzwaldo. Tomorrow i head for Berlin. Wish me pluck.