EXTREM LAUT UND UNGLAUBLICH NAH
Back in Berlin from tour in Dusseldorf with Commi Biggi and I am still getting lots of emails about my Getty/Pacific Standard Time commission piece in Los Angeles. I forgot to mention that the awful icky fugly old bald headed queen John Kohner who manages the Bullock’s Wilshire for Southwest Law School also gave problems to the LA Conservancy when they did a much smaller less high profile event at the Bullock’s Wilshire so he has quite the bad reputation as a prissy infidel. How do people like him manage to get positions of authority?
Now its Berlinale time and since I work for the Arsenal and Forum Expanded, which is the experimental section of the international film festival I have to make my lady presence known. The first major event of the Berlinale season was the grand opening yesterday evening of Forum Expanded at the Kunstaele Salon at Bulow Strasse. I arrived with my famous dates Peaches and baby diaper Joel Gibb of the Hidden Cameras fresh from his sex tourism trip to Brazil. The diaper was looking tanned and humpy luscious, and had wonderful sexcapdes in San Paolo and Rio, but also hung out with Susie from the MIX Festival and Ricardo of Shade Inc. formerly Berlin Hilton. Ricardo is a famed Brazilian poet. Who knew?
Mr. Gibb is so dingy that he went to Brazil not knowing that he needed a visa and after a 36 hour plane ride was unceremoniously sent back to Berlin just to have to make the long trip again. Joel & Peaches had dinner earlier during at the Thai restaurant Papaya on the Haupt Strasse at Kleistpark.
I am so jealous of Joel's smoldering sex life. Well he is tall, handsome, talented and Canadian so of course he is going to be one hell of a desired beauty prize no matter what city he is in.
The Forum Expanded opening was packed to the rafters and everyone seemed to be in a joyous mood including Arsenal Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathous the head curator of Forum Expanded and my gorgeous lady boss with her vivacious compadres Nanna Heidenreich, Uli Ziemons, and Olga Damnitz. Ran into dirty white lovesexy French boy Michele Belague, Little Alex of Chocolate Grinder Film Kollective,sweet and innocent Christian Weber who will be my assistant for Camp/Anti-Camp and Speaking From the Diaphragm at HAU2 in April. Looking all pretty and bubbly Constanze Ruhm& Angela Melitopolous, dimunitive cutie pie with the perfect smile Anselm Franke chittle chatted with me and asked about my Getty/Pacific Standard Time commission piece in LA. I don't care how tiny Anselm is i sure would love for him to sit on my face. Hung out with kJohnny and Tim Blue, Daniel Hendrickson, Nazli Kilerci, my lesbian girlfriend Anna Muelter with her boss Matthias Lilienthal and the beauty of HAU Katrin Dod, fearless leader of CHEAP Susanne Sachsse and Israeli artist living in Canada Elle Flaners.
I was holding court in Luke Fowler’s All Divided Selves single channel HD video projection black room. Even though I was engrossed in conversation the RD Laing von Furstenberg pull of the archival footage still got me wrapped up in the very destroy all monsters quality of it all.
Heike Baronowsky’s Barometer (I) with its inflated weather balloons was a pure joy to behold. Uli Ziemons was telling me about Florian Wust’s Dienst an der Notwendigkeit which I saw as a melding of Jodie Foster in the film Carny with James Bridges’ The China Syndrome. Loved the drawings surrounding the tiny flat screen TV, but Mr. Wuss, I mean Wust had to ruin things by chastising me and Frau Sachsee for chit chatting too close to his prescious art blocking the view of the guests----as if anyone but the most stridently dorky at an opening really pays that much attention. Openings are for socializing you come back later if you really are interested in the art. These kunstlers who take themselves so damn seriously. POOVAH.
The next day I went to a press screening of Benoit Jacquot’s Les Adieux a la Reine/Farewell My Queen starring the lovely ingénue Lea Seydoux and German actress Diane Kruger as Marie Antoinette. Ran into well hung young writer Travis Jepperson in line. Travis now lives in London where he is working on his Phd but still takes writing assignments for Art Forum Magazine and is covering the Berlinale for them. He didn’t give up his Berlin apartment but is subletting it while he is away studying.
I found the film intriguing and beautifully composed. Frau Kruger’s lesbianic interpretation flawless especially in her scenes with gal pal Virginie Ledoyen. Kirstin Dunst who played Queen Marie in Sofia Coppola’s film a few years ago should have done some carpet munching on Asia Argenta. Discovered that Baby Diaper Joel Gibb was also at the screening so we billed and cooed until I had to trot off to Muslim Daniel Hendrickson’s flat. Later Daniel and I went to the second Forum Expanded opening at this new and wonderfully deconstructed space on Friedrickstrasse at Hallesches Tor called Guschow Haus where the hot lesbian Israeli artist Elle Flanders couldn’t care less if guests were chatting and blocking the view of her powerful Road Movie a six channel HD video installation produced by the National Film Board of Canada. This piece features a companion soundscape by audio artist Anna Friz. Ms. Flanders is known for her critical responses to Israeli treatment of the Palestinians.
Like the evening before everyone was in a festive mood which is just what an opening should be about. Making the scene Mr. Joel Gibb who adores Ms. Flanders with his favorite companion Peaches. Joel told me that the Interview Magazine party that he and Peaches went to last night wasn’t very good, so I am glad I held my ground and didn’t go with them to it. Travis Jepperson was with visiting Canadian artist John Monteith who lives in New York but wants to move to Berlin. Mr. Jepperson got balled out by Nanna Heidenreich of Forum Expanded for smoking in the basement viewing area. I didn’t want to get in the middle of their row so I klatched with Arsenal Empress Stefanie Schulte Strathaus, Olga Damnitz, Uli Ziemons, Angela Melitopoulos, Ela of bbooks, Katrin Dod with Anna Muelter of HAU and Nicole Wolf. I left with Susanne Sachsse, visiting South Afrikan film programmer Darryl Els who is the BFF of Daniel Hendrickson. I was starving so we grabbed some grub at the nearby Paracas Peruvian Restaurant where I had a delicious fish&shrimp soup and Peruvian style enchilada with guacamole and drank a banana agua fresca.

A CUBIST VERSION OF A SHAPELY WOMAN
While in Los Angeleeeze preparing for my Getty/Pacific Standard Time commission piece through West of Rome I watched a lot of cable TV in my hotel room. Sometimes I would just have the set turned on muted just to glimpse at images as I was painting and collaging my handmade artist books. With so many channels you’d think there would be something interesting on the boob tube, but usually there wasn’t. I finally got a chance to take a peak at the Housewives of . . . reality franchise. I was floored by the plastic surgery ladies of HW of Beverly Hills with their gaunt faces and duck like cartoon mouths constantly sniping at each other. The best thing about one particular episode was when this brittle English woman chastised her teenage son about sagging----the hip hop influenced trend where young men basically serve up their rear ends to the unsuspecting masses. This mother told her strapping blondine dopey looking child not to have his arse hanging out in West Hollywood as it sends the wrong message.
My dear old friend Meesh Mills works in the reality industry on the Rupaul Drag Race program produced by World of Wonder. She gave me some insights into the reality show phenomena and told me that on the HS of Bev Hills one of the stars is former child actress Kim Richards from the 1970s TV sitcom Nanny and the Professor and Disney film Escape From Witch Mountain. I didn’t recognize her at all as a middle aged brittle blonde. Meesh has also worked on Millionaire Matchmaker which I did watch for a bit and found amusing and Toddlers & Tiaras which i didn't.
NEUES JAHR, BESSERER SEX
When I was in Los Angeles staying at the Standard Hotel Downtown watching television I noticed that digital high definition TV is very odd and scattered in terms of quality. In Berlin I don’t have TV, and so I am not even sure if Germany has made the switch from analog to digital, but i certainly find digital problematic. Many times the signal would be lost and would just go out all together and not come back. And there is a weird sync problem with a bit of delay with the sound iminating from a person’s mouth when they are talking---its very strange. I loved staying at the Standard Hotel as its extremely comfy but very young and trendy especially on the weekends with their nightclubs and rooftop parties. With the gorgeous weather in Los Angeles it was difficult to have to return to Germany especially when I found out that Europe was experiencing record low temperatures.
My performance piece/Lesbian Seperatist tea party at the historic Bullocks Wilshire “My Pussy is Still in Los Angeles(I Only Live in Berlin)” seems to still be reverberating. I’ve been still getting tons of emails about the piece. It was SRO sold out crowd and here is a partial list of people who were there: Mark Simon, Stephen Schilling of The Boyfriend, Darby Romeo of Ben is Dead/I Hate Brenda fame in LA from Hawaii where she now lives and surfs. Darby looked great, very healthy and tanned. She was with her very young looking mother. Also in attendance: Jeffrey Hilbert of Custom Creative, Jason El Norte, Cesar Vega, Dan Peirera & posse, big peniled Mexico City boy Orlando with beau, Nick & Connor of Dejecta at MoCa, Lisa Derrick and the girls from teen band The GrownUps now actually all grown up, Theo Wenner the hungthrob son of Rolling Stone Magazines's Jann Wenner looking like one of the boys his father likes to have sex with,Dr. Jennifer Doyle, Tom Christie and his Berlin girlfriend Sonja, Andrew Gould and beau Uriel Miranda Vazquez, Craig Roose who works with photog David LaChapelle as a set designer, Mr. Green Jeans aka: Frank Hoffman and cutie pie Contessa, the sexy black novelist Lisa Teasley, Andrea Fraser, collector Pamela Robinson (who has bought a lot of my paintings from Invisible Exports Gallery in New York), artist Sandro Kopp, Melville Poupaud, Lauri Firstenberg, Jim Abrahms, Redcat curator Aram Moshayedi, Honor Fraser, swagger actor Tom Hardy, male ingenue Michael Cera,Michele Mills,Chris Oliveria the hunky major Ms. Gorgeous bubble butt young painter who is the haute beau of my lovesexy super talented hostessa Karen Lofgren who is transplanted Canuckian sculptress. Dawn Kasper (the new(ish) risk-taking performance powerhouse of LA, Dawn runs Human Resources space in Chinatown and is now in the Whitney Biennial), Corey Fogel(artist)Terry Wolverton,Kris Kiramitsu (curator)Catherine Taft (Critic, writer)Irene Tsastos (Armory Center Curator)Connie Samaras, Susan Silton, Glen Phillips of the Getty,Carol Stakenas (LACE director)Marnie Weber & Jim Shaw, legal eagle power couple Marlou De Luna and husband Hal Marinas, Karol De Graffenreid and husband Kael who use to be in the old punk rock band The Urinals,Glen Meadmore who did my fab make-up and hair styling, Charles McDowell the humpy young son of actor Malcolm McDowell(Clockwork Orange) and Mary Steenburgen,Hector Martinez & Eric Pierce, famed Woman’s Building feminists Sue Mayberry, Cherie Gaulke & Suzanne Lacy, Kimberly Kim of North Korea, who use to bartend at Bricktops at the Parlour and is now head mixologist at The Eagle(Silverlake).
After the performance I was completely exhausted. Special thanks and to Daniel Flores Estrella who designed the artist book for me and worked so very hard as my assistant on this trip. Poor Daniel having to deal with my many and varied mood shifts and neediness. I am not an easy girl to work with. Also a kissy kissy shoutout to Miss Caren the Administrative Director of West of Rome and her staff,Miss Maria the assistant of Emi Fontana, Esteban and Mario the cute and bubbly sound boys who kept things rolling very nicely and professionally, our chamber ensemble with Jose Promis on piano, Alberto on Violin and Emelia on cello---three very talented musicians who I would love to work with again. Also the divine Julianna Snapper who opened the piece with a magnificent prelude looking entirely enchanting and lovesexxxy. Of course all my love and kissy Kisstale goes to my twin art sister Dona Emi Fontana who first approached me about performing for this project way back in 2009 when she saw me at Performa Biennale.
Coming back to Germany I didn’t have any time to collect myself from jetlag. I was immediately off on a train in the freezing cold with Susanne Sachsse the fearless leader of CHEAP to Dusseldorf to perform Communist Bigamist at the FFT. We were staying at the tiny old fashion Hotel Rubin in the city center which was walking distance to the FFT which is housed in a beautiful art center near the olde town. I was so jetlagged I don’t know how I was able to do the que-to-que tech rehearsal, but seeing the Commi Biggi gang was very inspiring. kJohnny Blue, Nazli Kalerci, Anna & Sebastiane were all in such good moods and chirper that their energy was infectious. Also the sound tech at the FFT was a cute ueber manlische young man named German who I enjoyed flirting with. German improved the sound design for the show and I was able to hear things in kJohn Blue’s score that I didn’t hear in Berlin at HAU 3. FFT has the most incredible sound in a small non equity theatre.
The first performance we had a delightful all female feminist audience that included Claudia Bosse the Vienna stage director, the gorgeous and sexy Kathrin Tiedeman who looks like a moviestar and is the artistic director of the FFT. The lovely Kathrin use to be artistic director at the Podevil in Berlin and was responsible for the first CHEAP kollective performance CHEAP Jewelry at Volksbuhne/Praeter back in 2001Kathrin gave us a sweet present of the famed Heinemann Champagne Trueffel’s. These chocolates are world famous and are a particularly known stylish treat of Dusseldorf. After our performance Ms. Tiedeman and the very influential and important politician Miss Bettina, the Theatre Commissioner of Nord Rhein West Falen took us to the Museum bar, but it was way too crowded and smoky at this bar, and I was starving as I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast at the hotel so we stopped off at a little Italian bistro for pasta and soup and called it a night as we had another show the next day. Saturday’s performance the audience was very pensive and studied, and you could tell that they were soaking all the information in. Our makeup artist Tan Binh Nguyen made Susanne and I even more beautiful then when we performed the piece in Berlin and his sweet best friend Billa who works as an executive for the Deutsch Bahn came to see the piece, said she was going to be spending the evening Googling all the names and references. Accompanying Billa was Michail Chodorkowski the handsome Russian industrialist known as the Rusky Rockefeller. Also in the audience the famous art couple Katherina Sieverding and Klaus Mettig. Miss Sieverding is one of the most enchanting,glamorous and deliciously ravishing women in all of Europe. She is all grace and gentility with a royal manner that is completely intoxicating. Her voice commands complete authority. I was exhausted after performing but talking with Katherina and Klaus after the show gave me a sudden burst of renewed energy. Also hanging out with us and drinking at the theatre bar was pretty Janine the head dramaturg at FFT, and cute Toby who works with Carena Schlewitt the director of Kaserne Theatre Basel. Carena founded the Hebbel Theatre in Berlin with Matias Leienthal and first brought CHEAP Kollective to HAU. Communist Bigamist will be making a tour stop in Basel, Switzerland for the big art fair which should be a lot of fun. Of course I was starving again so Ms. Sieverding and Mr. Mettig took us to dinner at this cute tapas restaurant called Lauren’s Marina on Bismarckstr 62 which stays open till 5am and is run by a Spaniard and his no nonsense Korean wife. The place reminded me of the Schwartzer Café in Berlin and had a similar late nite ambiance and crowd with delicious food and drink. It was kJohnny Blue’s birthday so we celebrated until 3am even though we had an early train to catch.
***
This funny email from a hornpig in LA.

My Dearest Negress,

I hope ur keeping Warm.

I had received several notes from a Hot Swimmer I play with, his Butt is a piece
of Art, and he needed some attention.

We finally connected tonight. He greeted me in a pair of some really fitted
jeans showcasing his hot Ass. We immediately got into his room, I stripped
him down and wasted no time in chowing down on his ass.

We had just started, he was straddling my face, I was rimming his ass, he was
Sucking my Dick! My favorite set up. So there we are, he took a hit of
Poppers, I passed on the Poppers and continued on his Ass. All of a sudden I
felt an oozing issue! I turned my mouth and face, but it was Too Late! I had
Dookie Water down the side of my mouth, neck and chest!

He jumped off me, he said, he thought he was cumming! He saw the mess, it was
also running down his leg... I ran to the bathroom, I washed out my mouth,
rinsed with Listerine and started the shower. I thought I was going to puke for
a minute as I was smelling the Shit on me. I pulled myself together, jumped in
the shower. I didn't puke. I told the Hot Swimmer to jump in the shower and
that he not Freak out. The guy was Horrified!

He said he took two enemas to prepare for me. This guy is always Super Clean!
I told him I was fine and for him to get his ass in the shower.

Oh Sweet Doll, he was a mess. The sheets were also dirty.

I told him I was not New to Ass Hole Accidents and that I was fine and would be
cool with a Rain Check if he was up for a continued session. I wanted to Fuck
him, but I kind of knew it wasn't going to happen.

He settled down and gave me a really Good back, Butt and leg Massage. I then
made my exit.

The poor Guy was a bit of a wreck. I am sure I will not be seeing him again.
Its too bad, His Ass is so Fucken Beautiful!

So there u have Negressa, ur Warrior can still smell the Dookie on him. This
was definitely worse then a straight guy Farting while getting Rimmed.

That's what happens when ur Hot for Ass-Holes!