YOU´RE SO HAYLEY MILLS
Still suffering a bit from the flying patootis, but managed to go to the premiera of Das Doppelte Lottchen at The Parkauer. Thank god openings at childrens theatre´s are in the morning. Das Doppelte Lottchen was written by Erich Kästner, and is the original story where the 1960 Disney film The Parent Trap comes from.
Cheap´s fearless leader Susanne Sachße stars in the Maureen O´Hara role of the glam mother, and of course her stage presence shines supreme. You want to see more of her whenever she is in front of the footlights. I was howling from laughter with her Shirley Temple homage during a fantasy dream sequence. My Max und Moritz colleguen Elizabeth Heckel and Katrin Heinrich also shine, and Moritz Müller did a fantastic job with the set design, but i felt his cotumes except for Susanne´s left a little to be desired, though i liked the Oscar Levant style tails for Hagen Löwe in the Brian Keith role.
The director Milan Peschel, is a Voksbühne actor, and it shows with all the unecessary screaming action. I guess that is a characteristic of mainstream German plays that i just don´t understand. I would also cut the length by a good 45 minutes, as both kids and adults seemed more then a bit restless by sitting in very uncomfortable seats for 2 1/2 hours.

THE FLYING PATOOTIS
After having a glorious time as the MC for the Gossip show at Columbia Halle, i rode my bike home and started excrementing. I got a similar stomach virus after the Berlinale, that included not only projectile shitting but vomitting as well. Thank god, i didnt throw up this time, and the muscle spasms and cramping didn´t last for a 24 hour period leaving me racked in excruciating pain. Missed German language class yesterday, and a chance to hang out with Tara aka Annie Oaklely (the manager of the Gossip, creator of Sex Workers Art Show) , and the beautiful Ms. Beth Ditto and gang who had one day off in Berlina.
There is no band out there who is doing what the Gossip are doing. Ms. Ditto is a presence to reckon with, powerful and sublime and sexy as all get go. The sold out crowd was enthusiastic and giving the goddess the proper worship she deserves. And there arent enough superlatives to describe Beth Ditto. She shows all the other so called singers how it is supposed to be done, as she drips with southern charm, a smoldering kitten with a whip. Alice Bag, of the legendary punk rock band The Bags and my colleguen in Cholita, the female Menudo was the first person to turn me on to Beth Ditto and the Gossip. Alice never praises other singers, but with Ms. Ditto she was raving!
When i was writing for the LA Weekly i tried to get my editor to let me interview her, but he passed on it----which i am sure he regrets now.
It was so great catching up with Ms. Tara who also produced Homo-A-GoGo, which was the last time i was on the same bill with the Gossip. I also loved hanging with their seasoned road crew, and the caterers cooked a meal that was downright yummy, or as they say in Deutsch "lecher". hope i spelled that right. The opening band of teenagers Pencil Dick, i mean Pencil Toes from London England were cute and juicy putting in a fast paced and wirey enthusiastic set. Its 90 degrees today in Berlin, and i am still feeling a bit sick, so this report will end now.

FAMISHED FOR THE LIGHT ONES
Had a glorious dinner date with adorable and cute Christian F, who was this year´s Berlinale intern and also was one of my talented assistants with the Clubszene project. Christian is 27 years old, but looks 16 and has a gay twin brother. He is originally from Bavaria and has only been living in Berlin for a year working on a Phd on the films of Gus Van Sant.
We ate at this Mexican restaurant around the corner from my punque rock language school Babylonia.
Later we went down the block to have dainties at this charming cafe called Gemelli´s where we ran into Joana, one of my Weißensee students and drag king artiste Antonia Beard. Christian lives on Soauer Str in a lovely little flat that overlooks an enchanted garden.
2nite after class i have to rush to Columbia Halle where i will be the MC for the Gossip show starring the incredible Beth Dito. Her manager is Annie Oakley of the Sex Workers Tour fame. I haven´t seen Ms. Oakley since i performed at the Homo-A-GoGo that she organized in 2006. Should be a fun evening.

VANITY FAITH PAVILIONS
Filmed little Marc Art Garfunkle´s project on Saturday. I play Morpheus with Christophe de Rohan Chabot as my beautiful dreamy, innocent dance partner, where i get to Martha my very own Graham crackers in a terpischorean battle beyond death. A talented French man named Fred, who needs to cut those dreadlocks he wears off, played the most sublime music live, and the set and make-up design was by personable Greek passive Nicolas Zavaliaris, who just moved to Berlin from swinging London town.
Later i met up with Daniel Hendrickson, the Scandanavian Muslim, and we went to the so-called alternative Christopher Street Gay in Kreuzberg on OranianbergerStr. What a dull affair. Was going to meet up again with writer Travis Jeppeson and his boy pussy posse, but i was exhausted from filming earlier, and Friday i got to catch up with young Mr. Jeppeson, who at 16 is one of the most talented and prolific children on the planet with writings in all forms that include novels, poetry, journals and journalism, plus he has a giant white penis that is much coveted by men on three continents. His list of older male admirers is endless.
Sunday i decided i had to treat myself to a massage, the triple assault of the Klubszene Project, Filming an Independent movie, and Deutsch Language class has caused a stiffness in my joints that needed a professionals soothing, healing touch. I recruited young Marc Arthur as my companion, and we ventured to the Treibhause Sauna & Spa for relaxation treatments. Poor Marc was pounced on immediately upon entering, with every chicken hawk in the place developing octopussy hands the minute his 22 year old self hit the marble floor. I found it hilarious when a nutty couple were desperately trying to fashion a hot sex scene by acting out shamelessly, fornicating in an open space. The skinny pretend top kept thumping into his lover with gutteral moans and jackhammer plowing. Too bad when he´d pull out his penis it was hardly colossal measuring clit length skinny and under 3 puny inches. What he was hoping for was that he´d excite some passing manheimer who would climb on board and turn him into lucky Pierre, but the crowde at this sex palace are seasoned sluts, who are aware of all the queeny tricks a hungry sloppy bottom may pull in their search for the prized cruel club.
I was really hating a barrel chested couple who were in extreme search and destroy mode for a hot buttered fourgy, later in the evening they actually got their gnut with two dickticusses. Even in a gay sauna the football madness reared its three headed gydra. Germany lost to Spain, but it didnt stop the fans from whooping it up until the wee hours. I am happy that the Euro cup is over, and things can return to some sense of whoremalcy.