THE GUERMANTES BI-WAY
o Bessie Love, you and that hornriffic ghostbeast that haunted your Laurel Canyon cabin back in the 20s still trying to get his proverbial gnut in this century. My famous novelist girlfriend Lisa T. lives in your log cab now with her studly boyfriend Daniel and her precious daughter Imogene, so that incubus doesn't bother them, but in his heydey no lady cooch was safe. Mr. Inc made a brief appearance at Bricktops last night trying to enter the sweet domain of the voluptous Anna Bells of the Fishnet Floozys, but she fought him off and wowed the audience in the process. Anna was a last minute substitute for Kitty Diggens, who was originally booked, but had to bow out because she had to attend some tired gay wedding.
So much beauty in one night of frivolity. Handsome TV presenter/club DJ and academe Josh Kun, who teaches at UC Riverside was looking very dashing. Of course his looks and charm can't compare to the stunning movement artist Jean Spinosa whose escort was a comely young man with muscles, glutes, and penis galore, new to LA from New York who is in the current issue of Italian Vogue modeling skimpy underwear and also gogo dances at Mario Diaz gay boy saturday party HotDog at the Parlour. Giving the young beauty prize the hairy eyeball was two famous basketball stars Luke Walton and Slava Medvedenko, who were also hitting on the ladies, like designer Shauna Leone and her pal Melissa, who were more interested in rock star Tre' Cool of Green Day whose posse included Swiss artist Ugo Rondinone, British actor James Purefoy(Vanity Fair's lusty Rowdon) and eurasian model Devon Aoki. Getting a bit rowdy was the french contingent of actors Gaspard Ulliel(Strayed) Guillaume Canet(Love Me If You Dare)with honorary frenchy but actually an Argentine Rodrigo de la Serna, who was flirting with pretty Jovita Carpenter hanging out with hot latin film producer Cesar Vega and the "Beyond Lovely" cast and crew. It was wonderful seeing Dora! the most powerful woman entrepreneur of Ventura County. Lady Dora owns the legendary Ventura store Wilde Planet and is one of my oldes galpals. We go back 20 years plus.

The evening ended on a coital high. At 2am i hailed a taxi home, dressed in my muslin, muslim outfit complete with 77 veils. Of course a hot Arab cabbie picks me up. Is complementing me the entire ride, saying how pretty i look all covered up with just eyes showing, wanting to know if i had a boyfriend or if i was married. I told him my husband is on a business trip, and so i invited in, and he had one of those giant peterfications that made Paul Bowles, Genet, and Burroughs permanent Morocco residents. He pulled it out in sections and devoured all 9 inches. He was so passionate, and relentless. Four hours later he left me all satieted and said that he likes, "women like me"

from one woman like me, to another . . .

CASTOR PACHACA
The beautiful Miss. Jovita Carpenter fetched me from my studio to the Juicy Post Production House in aunt Monica off of 10th street and Olympic so that i could loop dialogue from the short film "Beyond Lovely" that my hot Azteca warrior Cesar Vega produced. Juicy is very high tech in a Frank Gehry like fashion, and the staff was very sweet, friendly and accomodating. The ordered me a delicious lunch from Swingers, Santa Monica. I didn't even know there was a Swingers in Santa Monica. I'm so not a westside girl. After my duties Jovita took me to the 18th Street Gallery so that i could take a peek at my installation, which I've never seen. The performance artist Michael Sakamoto was facilitating this afternoon in the gallery space, and he told me that there are some people who spend hours going through all the letters and pictures, so that really warms my cold black hyeart.
I adore Jovita, we filmed a scene at her amazing Echo Park compound. She and i are now best girlfriends. She is a big Dolly Parton fan and even has a shrine to her idol in her home.
***
Had dinner with Hector and Erikla and Hector's baby Brother and his cute wife Betty. They made some delish tostadas. Yum.
Hector and i later took a cruize around Hollywood and stopped off at The Gauntlet for their wet underwear contest. The place has really improved since the last time i ventured there a few months back. Boy did they have some giant endowments on parade. And the men go in the back stage area and volunteer to fluff. I even wanked the biggest penis for a bit. The man was huge with a capital T. Ran into cute Adam Hervey of the band Timonium. He has such a bubble butt. I've known him since he was 17 and had a girlfriend. Of course i'm responsible for him turning into a homosexual. His band played their first gig at Club Sucker, and he noticed all the hot men, and after that, no more girlfriend. Adam's uncle is the artist Carter Potter, who i've known for over 20 years.
One of the contestents on stage was this ill boy from Mexico City, who was telling people he's Greek. Well i guess Greece is close to Mexico on some map. I picked this kid up months ago outside of Circus of Hooks. I noticed he had a big fat JLo butt. When i got him home, i discover his butt is fake. He's obviously some kind of tranny with industrial sillicon shot directly in his glutes to make them literally rock hard and bubbly. Insane. Of course i sent him packing, but it makes for a hilarious antidote.

FEASTA OR FAMINA
That is always the case with me, when it comes to turtle dovin'. The other week i was hanging at Circus of Hooks looking for a meaty meat burger and i got cruised by a tall, handsome Fitch without the Abercrombie boy. I followed him outside and he introduces himself and mumbles something about renting a video to wanker doddle to, so i coyly ask him if he'd prefer the real MacAvoy, and he turns all West LA on me stammering that he has to get up in the morning, and milk an elderly cow, and breast feed his goldfish---a rolling litany of lame excuses.

So why did he bother cruising me in the first place. I didn't approach him. I was busy minding my own beeswax catching up on the latest isssue of Latin Inches. So typical. I guess he had a brief hankering for some Koby Bryant, but the reality of the situation set in and he changed his mind.

As I'm walking back home i start to say to myself, "This is why you have to leave this godforsaken place and move to Berlin"

Well that was then and whats going on now is that my phone is gurgling off the hook from cute young boys. Its like I've suddenly been re-discovered. Did I win some kind of lottery that i never purchased. Have i inherited a fortune from some long lost relative?? At the moment i have two very smoldering young, young boys pursue-ing me. I'm old enough to be their great aunt, but that doesn't seem to bother them. I'm not going to discuss it anymore or with my luck I'll jinx it.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
Yes that is the title of Crepe Suzette's new movie she's done the costumes for. Crepe aka Susan Matheson is my dear friend and constant collaborator on some of my most exciting performance/live art projects. Crepe is always there in my corner and also big Daddy Ron Athey. Crepe did his incredible costumes for his new piece "The Judas Cradle". Suzette came by and brought me some beautiful clothing--a lovely fall sweater, and some Addidas trainers that are sparkling and very high tech glamazonian, black and suede with a hint of silver nitrate--quite classy. She also bought me a pair of surfer Vans, black and orange guild, the new hot color for the fall season. Plus some outfits from her movie which comes out in October. I can't wait to see this movie even though its about tired football. The flick stars Billy Bob Thornton, hunky jubas Derek Luke, pretty dark haired white boy Lucas Black, latino sexthrob Jay Hernandez(who Suzette worked with on the movie "crazy/beautiful")Brad Pitts male concubine, Garrett Hedlund and country crooner Tim McGraw.
I've gotten a lot of compliments when i wear the panther logo sport shirt around town.
Suzette took me to eat at Marouches, Lebanese restaurant on Santa MOnica Blvd between Normandie and Vermont. The place was crowded with a bunch of sappy birthday parties, which was irritating enough, and service was pretty slow. There was only one waiter and he was a middle eastern queen who was a bit pinched, if you know what i mean.
Crepe Suzette is in such demand as a costumer. She just turned down a Farrelly Brothers comedy that would star Drew Barrymore. Suzette made that beaufiful red, white and blue costume that i wore on the Margaret Cho tour, and also my historic outfits for my "Intimacy & Tomorrow" tour among other projects.
Have so much work to do this week. I hope the weather cools down. Getting together for brunch with young British actor James McAvoy who was in the movie "Bright Young Things" He's very cute and michieveous. I'm going to have to keep him on a short leash.--and i mean that literally.

VADO ANCH'IO VERSO . . .
Bricky, Bricky and more Bricky. Friday was Christopher Isherwood Cabaret Night, and we turned the place out with sizzling performances by The Ditty Bops, fresh from their big spread in Interview Magazine. The girls looked divine and were in fine voice.

Shauna Leone revamped her wonderful Prohibition Boutique, which adds so much charm to the foyer as our guests enter into our twilight world. Everyone adores the beautiful Ms. Leone, she is one of the most stylish of the regular Bricktops girls. Art star Matthew Barney came again this week, and also brought his step son Sindri--who was wearing a cute 20's outfit(with what looked like vintage tennis shoes of the period--how's that for details) Sindri looked a bit older, so at first i didn't recognize him. The kid must be around 21 years old. He took a lingering interest in pretty Shauna, but he didn't move fast enough because she already made a love connection with the new door man at the Parlour, who looks like he's a member of that New York band The Strokes. He's actually kindof cute, i just don't fancy skinny rock n roll types.
Mr. Barney has been hanging out with Cathy Opie going out to Joshua Tree and dropping acid. I was really surprised that he married icelandic pop star Byork. In fact i was really jealous, as i fancied him for myself, and although he is a straight boy, he's a major, true blue freakazoid, who loves experiencing all the many pleasures that life has to offer, so having a drag queen girlfriend certainly fits that bill, and we've had many flirtatious moments that if the circumstance was right, could have definately lead to some serious fornicating if not a pure, intense relationship, though i doubt if it could have been long term. He still has that look in his eye----a mixture of wanting to plow or cannibalize me. If he wants to chow down, I have the perfect garden salad.

I was just surprised that Byork sunk her claws into him, I thought she was a notorious dinge queen, since her other boyfriends were Tricky, Goldie and DJ Shadow. Matthew did tell me that Byork wants to work with me. I guess she loves the Technova single i do the vocals on "I Could Have Sex" that they play in London at Nag, Nag, Nag. I'd love to do something with her, that would be one ill collaboration.

Everyone seemed to be in good spirits Friday, so good seeing Jean Spinosa(who always wears a creative and bold outfit) her pal Reaux, Abbie Travis who has been on tour with Gibby Haynes of the Butthole Surfers, a dapper Michael Schmidt(with compact in hand) and my darling Kentucky Karbunckle, David of Louiseville who made a deliciously sexy taxi dancer. He wound up picking up a bubble butt young, TV presenter. Lucky him.

Had to wake up early Saturday, to film a new experimental piece with Cyril Kuhn of Switzerland. Of course i felt miserable and didn't want to get back in drag in the muggy hot weather, but considering the dilemna everything worked out fine. Cyril's wife Kara Hunger created some amazing costumes for me and the Herbst Twins, Robby and Mark. We filmed on the roof of my MacArthur Park studio, and used some hot techniques like filming through a giant magnifying glass with jerky, jagged camera movements and three cameras to catch every nuance, and honey I'm Mrs. Nuance.